Chauvinistic Coquette
by Yoshiyuki Ly
Summary: How much do you think I'm worth? Look closely...look what you've branded on me. I'm yours. Take me with you; I'll let you have me. I'm better than nothing. Let me make you shine and glow and burn with passion.. I'm worth that much.
1. Little Black Dress

Title - Chauvinistic Coquette

Pairing - Fleur/Hermione

Rating - M

Summary - Why do I keep doing this? I keep going on dates with man after man after man until I realize that I've just about reached the point where I might have to re-wear an outfit. That just wouldn't do. I guess you could just say I'm lonely...

Chauvinism:

_n. biased devotion to any group, attitude, or cause. Or, in this case, blatant denial._

_adj.; Chauvinistic. Adamant in support of a group, attitude, or cause._

Coquette:

_n. A woman who makes teasing sexual or romantic overtures; a flirt. The reasons behind her behavior are often assumed to be because of a simple desire for promiscuity._

But why would a woman ever act this way? What are the true, unassumed reasons?

* * *

September, 2007 A.D.

I. Little Black Dress

_(Fleur's POV)_

The rhythm from my fingers tapping on the table could not drown out the sound of that voice. That voice of a man who sounded like a complete fake, who elated his head so much with all of his accomplishments and awards, but who was probably a lot better talking in bed than out of it.

I stiffened at the realization that most of the people around me were doing the exact same thing. But, that was to be expected in a place like this. It happened to be the most popular restaurant in Paris this week, but by no means the least expensive. I had hoped that maybe my next date would be in a less big-headed environment, but I wasn't too hopeful. I was still sitting here hoping this man would maybe ask me something about myself. Or suggest that we leave, since we've both been done with our meals for quite some time now.

When neither seemed like they were going to happen, I just shifted in my seat and gave him a false smile. This same smile allured him to me, and I just had to blotch my face with it to punish myself. Why do I keep doing this? I keep going on dates with man after man after man until I realize that I've just about reached the point where I might have to re-wear an outfit. That just wouldn't do. This blue vest and fitting black trouser from Bebe were excellent, but I could never wear them outside again.

I placed my arms on the table and leaned in, pretending like I was listening closely to his words. He had glanced around while smirking then raised his eyebrows moments ago. I assume he was ranting on and on about how many times he'd really let the other seeker grab the snitch...

Well, please grab my attention with something else! I finally noticed that his attention kept wandering over my head, and then he would grin, and return his sickly gaze to me.

I widened my plastic smile as he laughed, but it just sounded like buzzing to me. Every sound in the room started to blend, and only come out from his mouth. His ears, his nostrils, and, most importantly, his ass. His ass that was quite nice, but not nice enough for me to break a nail to grab.

I'm not exactly sure when it became automatic for me to drown out the sound of their voice. It was terribly rude of me, I know. But there wasn't much else to do with these men. Whoever had the most money and looked good enough for my standards won my time every evening for the past couple of years. I didn't realize that so many qualified men walked around Paris, just waiting for me to fall hopelessly in love with their successes.

You could say that I'm lonely. Yes, you could say it, but I wouldn't let you. You could say a lot of things, and make a lot of assumptions about me based on my choices. I can assure you that you'd probably be right in each and every one of your accusations, but I wouldn't allow them to escape the safe confines of your thoughts. Call it denial, running away, fear of the L word. You can think whatever you'd like, but you would do well to keep it to yourself.

Meanwhile, I can do what I enjoy and continue boosting this man's ego with my narrow-eyed glances and smirks. Seeing their misty-eyed expressions, then letting them snap out of it and pretend like I didn't notice them shift in their seat to hide something is amusing. It's amusing because of how shameful it is to manipulate men in such ways, but I feel no shame at all. I am above that.

Just as I flashed my eyes at him and took a sip of my Cabernet Sauvignon, I heard a grunt from the person sitting behind me. An incredibly breathy laugh came from their mouth soon after. It almost sounded bourgeois, but the person sitting with them was laughing right along with them. Like I said, big-headed environment...

The buzzing seemed to grow softer as that breathy laugh rung in my ears. It was so easy to sense how fake it was, but their partner clearly didn't catch on to it. This partner's voice also managed to find itself from underneath the weight of my mental blocks.

"So then I fired him! You should have seen the look on his face!"

"I wish I could have."

That voice...no...both of those voices sounded familiar to me.

"Ahh, I must say, being Vice President of Eyevine has its perks. The women who are in and out of my office add wonderfully to my time spent there."

"Women?" So cross, so...familiar. But Eyevine is the name of my company. What was Armand doing here with...that woman, of all people?

"Yes, the women! There's one in particular that sticks out in my mind...ahh yes, yes. I can never seem to get her to stay, though. She's..."

The rest of his words were indiscernible. I didn't want to hear him anymore. All I could hear was the buzzing increase and this woman's deep breaths behind me. She grunted again after some time while the man in front of me started laughing again. I smiled fakely again and decided to finally see what he was babbling about.

"Yes, I know, I know. Pretty stupid of him to ask me, right? But I sure would if I were you. C'mon, what do you say?"

"I'm not sure." Just pretend to act like I know what he's talking about, stand up and pretend to go think about it, then I can finally drive back home.

"But it would be quite the time! A threesome would be absolutely lovely-"

"I beg your pardon?"

"What? I've been telling you all this time about how your Vice President so desperately wants you-"

I slammed my hands on the table and stood up, and I could hear that mystery woman from behind me do the same thing. We both huffed at the same time and made our way to the exit. No matter who it was with, I wasn't that depraved and lonely that I'd settle for a threesome. Especially not with someone who worked for me; someone who was so desperate to convince my date to persuade me into his little idea. I'll admit that it was flattering, yes, but also rather disturbing at the same time. Co-workers were strictly off-limits for me. I didn't even want to confront Armand about it that night; he'd get a howler from me in the morning.

She was right behind me, but I just wanted to pretend like I didn't notice her. She wasn't at all important to me. I didn't care why she was in Paris, or why she wasn't with her friends, or why she was on a date with the Vice President of my company. No. Make that ex-Vice President.

I heard her come to an abrupt stop and hiss to herself as I continued through the crowded parking lot to my car. My walk slowed to a crawl as I wondered about her situation with a sigh. Was she foolish enough to storm out of the restaurant, fully intent on leaving, only after forgetting that she had no ride back? She just thought she could just apparate back home, or to her hotel, but not with all of these Muggles around. She wasn't expecting to skip finding a secluded spot, and just get a ride from me, did she?

Apparently so, because I could hear her running after me. Or walking briskly considering how thin those heels of hers sounded. Hermione in heels? No...

She stopped just a few steps behind me, and I stood rooted to the spot. My car was a few steps away, yes. But I couldn't just leave her there. Well, I could. But even I would feel guilty about leaving her of all people stranded in a parking lot. Public transportation wasn't really an option in this area. I suppose I was glad I didn't bother with valet.

I turned around slightly and glanced down at her briefly. I had to restrain myself from letting her see my bewildered expression. This was not the Hermione Granger I remembered. She would not have been wearing such a short black dress, an astounding amount of mascara, a sleek head of hair, a Coach purse (one that I owned as well), or perfectly sculpted eyebrows. I pursed my lips and licked the outer rim of my teeth as I tried to not wonder how she finally came to terms with her beauty.

Yes, I said it; beauty.

I turned the alarm off and unlocked the doors to my black Mercedes C230 and walked over to the driver's side. I quickly looked at her, then to the passenger's side as I got in. Surely she was smart enough to get the hint. I started the car as I wondered how long she'd take to tell me where she lived...

Time kept tick tock'ing away as I turned the heater on. I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel and decided to speak up. I know she hates me, but this was ridiculous.

"So where-"

"14 Rue Ampère."

That was the same street I lived on...and I lived in 17. How did I never notice her before? Oh well. It's not like I wanted to notice her, anyway.

I exited the parking lot and tried to just keep my eyes on the road for the time being. My lips were rather tense, but I tried to relax the rest of my body. All of the headlights, streetlights, and other building lights gave the interior of my car a soft glow. I couldn't help but look at Hermione as I stopped at a red light.

She was so stiff, and that annoying frown was determined to forever be plastered on her face. I have no idea what I did to her, you know. I always figured she was just jealous of me. I understand why she would be, but for all these years? Why put so much energy into something you hate? I never quite understood that. Then again, she was the type to put all of her energy into everything she did. Maybe that was the only reason why.

But why was I even worth fussing herself over? Yes, I know I said everything, but why did I need to be included? It's not like I was important to her or anything. Silly, right?

For the first time in years, this question bothered me. Was it a coincidence that she lived a few houses down from me, and just had a date with the ex-Vice President of my company, and stormed out of that restaurant at the same time I did? She grew furious over what he was telling her at that moment, after sitting in there with him for hours before that, listening to his pompous banter? I knew he was talking about me. Why did she get so angry?

I was about to step on the gas as the light changed, but it had turned red again. The realization finally hit me that I was sitting at that light as it changed nearly three times, with a long line of angry drivers behind me, and I was staring at Hermione. She was staring right back at me, only remembering to scowl once the look in my eyes told her I had snapped out of my thoughts.

Why didn't she say anything?

We finally arrived at her house, which was decently large, and sat in silence for a moment. Only the moonlight shone through the windows this time, but I could still make out the shadow of her figure. She was wringing her hands as I stared at mine in my lap. I wasn't one to ever be in awkward situations with anyone. I always had control over every outcome; I had control of everything. My company, my thoughts, men...but this was so different to me. I knew Hermione was probably the same as I, but she didn't do a good job of hiding it. I smirked at my thoughts and chuckled quietly as she finally opened the door. I figured I'd make some remark to rumple that dress up a little more.

"You weren't expecting me to walk you to your door, were you?"

"Of course not!"

And with that, she stormed out and slammed my door shut. She went around my car, and looked down at the walkway in front of her, swinging a stiff arm and clenched fist back and forth as she walked quickly to her door. From the look of it, she almost fooled me into thinking she was graceful or something of that nature. But Hermione? Graceful? Hardly.

Just as I closed my eyes and put a hand on my forehead to laugh, she rushed back over to my window.

"Thank you!"

She practically threw her callous gratitude at me as she bent down and cocked her head towards me, then quickly regained her angry walk she had moments ago. I finally let out my laugh as I turned my car off and laughed for a while. I had no idea what came over me, and I felt like an idiot, but no one was watching me.

No one except for a woman in a little black dress through her upstairs window.


	2. Laughing Stock

II. Laughingstock

_(Hermione's POV)_

She was still laughing in her car as I looked out my bedroom window. Still. It was frustrating beyond belief how stupid I felt. I should have just apparated back home. But no, I was being considerate of the Muggles. I had to be considerate enough to thank her for driving me home, even though I was on fire because of her comment. She only said it to make me mad. She only said it to sound like she was above me. Because she knew, no matter what came out of her mouth, that I was going to act like I hated it.

I threw my purse on my bedside table, not once taking my eyes off of her form. I just wanted to go back out there and demand that she shut up and go home...which was only a few houses down.

It's not just a coincidence. A few years have gone by since Ron and I called it off. For some reason or another, Harry and Ginny broke up around the same time. Well, no. I take that back. It was literally the same day. I didn't think anything of it until I saw Ginny huffing and puffing around the Burrow one day while we were all visiting. All she did was point to the garden and kept walking off. So, when I finally peeked outside to the garden, I spotted my two best friends kissing each other. Not the most pleasant thing to see, but I couldn't deny that I was happy for them.

I think what started all of this was when I just felt a strange vibe. Harry and Ron announced to everyone that they were together a few weeks later, and that's when I started to sense it. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were pleasantly surprised. Bill, Charlie, Percy, and George were happy as well. Ginny eventually came around. But ever since that day, people were just giving me looks.

I was completely oblivious to it until a few months after that. George sat down with me after he found me in the living room, completely frustrated. Ginny had been avoiding me and I couldn't figure out why. She eventually left without a word to me once she got drafted to the Holyhead Harpies. Her brother told me that people (not just the Weasleys) wondered if Ginny and I had a thing for each other.

I was outraged! I mean, just because our boyfriends left us to be with each other didn't make us the same. George laughed nervously and asked why I was so angry. He asked if I was homophobic or something. Maybe even unsure of my own sexuality. He wasn't joking. I told him I wasn't sure. To this day, I appreciate that George has always kept that little confession of mine to himself.

By this point, Harry and Ron had stumbled in the room. When they noticed me upset, they hesitantly came over and sat down. That's how all of this mess started.

They all kept asking me questions about myself. My insecurities, my fears, my imperfections, pet peeves. I told them that I wasn't interested in women, no matter what. No matter how much one might rile me up, I didn't believe that it had any connection to attraction. Ron of course thought this was nonsense.

Just as I was about to shoot him down, Fleur floated in the room and knocked the rifle out from my arms. Well, more like the tissues I had been holding. And my pride. She turned her nose up at me and wiped off whatever I had in my nose off from her arm, then scoffed at me and went on her way.

Harry and Ron continued to speculate out loud about possibly just finding a new man for me (Fleur's thrall somehow stopped working on them), and maybe moving someplace else, but George was giving me a look. He noticed how flustered I became at that moment when Fleur was in the room. He saw me blush, he saw me clench my teeth, but, most importantly he saw more tears welling up in my eyes just as she walked away. She caught me at a bad time. Well, seeing Fleur at any time would have been bad. She always made me furious whenever I so much as thought about her, and I was furious that she didn't apologize.

I was furious that she was so beautiful. And that's when I noticed. Ohh...yes, I noticed her right then. I regret it with every ounce of my being, and I bet you anything she'd be proud of herself if she knew. Not offended, not hurt; maybe not even concerned about why I did. She'd just feel satisfied that she could get me so mad, not caring about why. It was all about what she wanted to see and understand; everything else could easily be forgotten in a sea of men and lavish outings.

And here she was, right outside my house in her car. George just had to suggest that I move to Paris last month. Harry and Ron came with me, of course. George comes to visit every weekend through the Floo, and that's my only time when I can't be in denial. He worries about me going on dates with so many men, and he thinks it's not healthy to run away from the simple truth.

The simple truth that I'm in love with Fleur Delacour.

But at the same time, I hate her. She's just so inconsiderate and snobbish and despicable and...successful. Professional. Too good to be true. Out of my league.

Her laughing...it just looked so derisive. So mocking. So Fleur. I held my breath as my veins threatened to pop out of my neck. My fists were shaking and I literally felt like exploding. But I didn't want her to know that she was the only one who could ever make me so angry. She had the whole world in her hands, with only her good looks to thank for it. As if Fleur would bother herself with thanking anyone for anything, or even apologizing if she did anything wrong. But I do bother. It's just who I am.

And she laughed at me because of it.

* * *

The next morning, Ron came knocking on my bedroom door, telling me Harry made breakfast. I was still grumpy from last night. I didn't even feel like eating. I kept telling myself that it was because I'm just not a morning person.

But then everything else slapped me in the face as I got out of bed. I groaned, wanting desperately to lay back down, but it was Saturday. George would probably be on his way in a few minutes. I sighed as I started to pick out something to put on, then made my way to the bathroom to wash up.

I know that it's ironic that I don't talk to my two best friends, who are gay, about my little problem. They live with me; I see them every day. I only see George four times out of the month but he knows more about me than they do right now. I suppose I was his pillar to hold on to when we lost Fred. When Ron and I started having issues out of the blue, George was always there for me. I tried to motivate him to continue the business, and even helped him come up with new ideas for products.

I couldn't ask him to come stay with us. I wanted him to stay close to his shop, and his family. He needs their support; he doesn't need to be drowning himself in the troubles of a twenty-seven-year-old lesbian in hiding. I don't like facing the truth, but I always have to whenever he comes by. But when he isn't here, I'm relatively safe. Harry and Ron didn't have a clue what was going on because, sadly, they were a little too caught up with themselves to notice.

You can't notice when your best friend is feeling nervous and angry whenever you muse about what Fleur's doing down the street. It's always a bunch of this going on whenever I'm about to tell them: "Say, let's go visit Fleur one day at work and surprise her!"; "I wonder how Fleur's doing; I bet she'd get anal if she found out us three lived down the block."; "Damn, Bill must still be feelin' it right now. The poor bloke."; "I just saw Fleur bring another new guy home! He looked pretty nice, you know. Ow! I didn't mean it!"

It's never "Hermione, are you sure you don't have anything to tell us?"; or not even "Why do you only say yes to the date when we tell you he works for Fleur? Is there something going on?"

But really, sometimes I sit and wonder if I should just open my mouth. Pretty soon it'll be glued shut from all of this stress I'm under. But I wish it would glue itself shut. Then maybe I wouldn't have to explain to George what happened last night. His insights on my past couple of dates have always been spot on. I just hate facing the truth.

* * *

I finally crawled my way downstairs to the living room where Harry had set my plate on the coffee table. He and Ron came by shortly with their plates as I sat down. They sat at either side of me while Ron flipped the channels to find something for us to watch.

Before I could even reach for my fork, George came in through the Floo. Harry, Ron and I smiled at him as he took a deep breath.

"Mmm, smells good! Lemme guess, Harry cooked?"

"Err, yeah," Ron mumbled. Harry laughed as George shook his head and went to fix his plate. Sadly, Harry was the best cook out of all of us.

"Mum and dad say hello, by the way," George shouted from the kitchen.

"Alright, tell them we said hey when you go back," Ron called out. "Oooh, Hermione! You have to see this show when it comes on!"

"What's it called?"

"Will and Grace. It shows on the tellies in America, and they air in English here every now and then. One of the stars, Grace: she's a designer like you are. Except she's an interior designer."

"Oh, alright." Ron beamed at me as George came and sat on the recliner.

"Looks great, Harry. Thanks a bunch."

"No problem. Ron, will you make up your mind?" Harry complained as we all started eating. Ron was multitasking.

"What?" he asked with a mouth full of eggs. Harry and I rolled our eyes at him as he swallowed. "I like seeing Franco cry and everything, but I'd rather find something I can, um, understand."

"Honestly, I told you to call the cable company and ask for English broadcasting, too. Hermione can barely understand this, and that's saying something."

"You call them!"

"Ugh."

George just laughed and shook his head while we ate and watched some other French person crying on TV. I didn't understand. If the French were so expressive and emotional, then why...

"Hermione?"

"George?"

"Want to help me with the dishes?"

"Ron usually..." But when I realized that Ron and Harry were bickering with me in between, I sighed and piled their dishes up and brought them in the kitchen. George followed me with a smile on his face.

* * *

Just as I was about to start, he flicked his wand at the dishes. They cleaned themselves and flew back to their respective places. I guess he didn't bring me in here to get our fingers pruny.

"Still haven't told 'em, eh?"

"Nope..."

I sighed and hoisted myself up on the counter. He pulled out a bar stool across from me and sat down on it, still smiling.

"Did you see Fleur last night, at least?"

"Yes...and just like I was expecting, Armand was talking about her the whole time."

"Did it make you mad?"

"No...actually, I liked hearing him speak so highly of her. But once I realized that she was sitting right behind me, I got mad. Then he started babbling about how he's trying to have her agree to have a threesome with him and her date. Fleur found out and stormed off just as I did."

"He's so fired."

"The worst part was that he offered to include me...to have a foursome."

George laughed loudly and I buried my face in my hands. He took a deep breath and shook his head.

"Well...Fleur wasn't gonna agree to it anyway. What happened after that?"

"I was about to apparate home, but then I saw her walking to her car. She gave me a ride home...and...oh my goodness."

"What?"

"I completely forgot that we were staring at each other for a while in her car. She didn't even notice the lights changing color. Her expression was so blank and...and..."

"Beautiful?"

I sighed and rubbed my temples as I nodded to him. He folded his arms and looked at me with concern.

"Hermione, what are you gonna do? I mean, you keep going on these dates with guys. It's almost like you're trying to turn yourself straight when you know that you're not."

"What else am I supposed to do, George? Tell her? 'Say Fleur, I've been sort of stalking you for the past month because I've been in love with you for a few years. Will you have sex with me?' Really."

"I don't think you'd go that far. However much you want to," he said with a chuckle. I smirked a little and held back a laugh.

"There you go! Lighten up a little."

"But really...what am I supposed to do? She hates me, George."

"And you hate her, but you're still stalking her."

"You're loads of help..."

"Hey! Listen, what's wrong with just being honest with her? The worst you'll get is an eff you and a cold stare. You might be heartbroken, but at least you wouldn't still be upset over this 'what if' thing."

"But I really don't even want to like her. I don't like this. Why did she have to walk in the room at that moment?"

"Fate?"

"George..."

"What? I answered you."

"I know..."

"What do you want to hear, Hermione?"

I thought about it for a while. There was no easy way out of this. I'd either have to tell her or forever stay silent. I kept wondering about the way she was staring at me. I finally let my defenses down and really felt those sensations all over again. I felt like I was starving under her gaze...I was at her mercy. She had me under her control, and only she had enough sense to snap out of it and remind me that she had the power to control my emotions. She decided that it was time for that moment of relapse to end, and move on. But a part of me kept wishing that I could see her again...somehow, anyhow...

Even if she was laughing in my face, I wanted to see her. Hear her...

"I just want to hear her voice..."


	3. Light My Fire

A/N

The formatting on the archived version of this was nothing short of atrocious...I guess I was being a lazy ass when I posted it to my LJ. Lazy lazy lazy.

Pardon any oversights.

III. Light My Fire

_(Fleur's POV)_

About a week and a half has passed since my little encounter with Hermione. I suppose she was smart enough not to show her face around me, because I haven't seen her since then. Perhaps my laughter put her in place? I hope so. It's quite satisfying to know that I could get her so angry with as much as a smirk and an off-handed comment. Ah, but that's in the past now. Time to move on.

I've been cooped up in my office for the past week because everyone who works under me has strangely been nice enough to take a few burdens off of my shoulders. My assistant told me she's been working on finding a new Vice President since I told them Armand fell ill and could no longer work. No one dared to question me. Because, if you think about it, he really did fall ill. He must have been insane to think I'd agree to his plans. Even if he wasn't my co-worker, I wouldn't have gone along with it. Submitting to one man for pleasure is bad enough; having two might have reduced me to a dependent whore if I gave them what they wanted. That's just not who I am. Although, that brings up a good point. Why do I keep fooling around with these men if I see it as submitting to them? It usually doesn't go that far, since they're the ones submitting to me during dates. I suppose I'm just now realizing that I don't like that lack of control. But how in the world could I be in control with someone sexually? A man wouldn't let that happen, now would he...?

"Bun jhoor, Maduhmuzelle Delacour!" My assistant never bothered to knock before entering.

"Astrid, your common French is still 'orrible. And just call me Fleur."

"Oh, sorry. Well, here's the dossier on the candidate. Dossier is right, right?"

"Yes, Astrid," I chuckled. "Okay. They'll be here in about um...five minutes."

"Five minutes? You could 'ave told me a'ead of time. What if I 'ad plans?"

"But Fleur, you insisted that you take over something today since we've been doing all the work."

"Oh. Well, fine. Send zem straight in when zey get 'ere."

"Yes, Fleur."

She smiled at me and left my office. I couldn't even look at the papers on my desk before my phone rang. I picked it up and swung around in my chair to face the full-pane window overlooking the city.

"Eyevine C.E.O. Fleur Delacour speaking, 'oo is-"

"Fleur! Zis is 'orrible! Completely 'orrible! I'm never going out wiz a man ever again!" My dear sister.

"What 'appened zis time?"

"Ze entire date was embarrassing! 'E didn't know how to eat, 'ow to dress, or even 'ow to talk wi'zout flirting wiz me. It was so sickening! I don't see 'ow you do it."

"Actually, I 'aven't been out since zat night wiz Armand's friend. So I suppose you couldn't see."

"Really? Why not?"

"Mmm...I really don't know. I just 'aven't felt like it for some reason."

"Maybe we are 'aving ze same problem. Men are such imbeciles, Fleur."

"Yes, zey are...but it is fun to mess wiz zem."

"But don't you ever get tired of just messing wiz zem? Is zat ze only reason why you keep going out wiz zem? What 'appened to finding true love?"

"Gabrielle, don't be silly. I am not expecting to find true love in any of the men I go out wiz. Like I said, it is just for fun."

"It must not be fun anymore if you 'aven't felt like going out."

"I suppose not..."

"I'm wondering about some'zing..."

"Wondering about what?"

"Don't laugh at me, okay?"

"Of course I won't laugh at you, Gabby. What is it?"

"During my date, I kept staring at a woman in front of me."

"You found 'er attractive or some'zing?"

"No...no. I kept staring at 'er because I zought you would."

"Would what?"

"Find 'er attractive."

"Wh-what? Gabrielle, don't start wiz zat. I don't do women."

"You don't sound very convincing."

"I don't!"

"Okay, maybe you 'aven't. But you should give it a try. Maybe wiz zat woman I saw. She looked so familiar to me, you know. I zink we know 'er."

"I'll pass."

"I'm coming over tonight."

"Gabrielle! If you zink you're going to convince me zat you are right, you're dead wrong."

"Who said I was going to convince you about any'zing? I just said I was coming over. Someone's a little paranoid..."

"I...am not."

"Does zis 'ave any'zing to do wiz zat woman you drove 'ome? 'Ermione?"

"Non. She 'as no-"

"Fleur! You're in denial! You so like-"

"I do not! Now if you don't mind, I 'ave work to tend to."

"Only try to kick me off when I get to ze truth, hm?"

"Good bye, Gabrielle."

"I love you, Fleur. Just admit you love 'er, too, and maybe you'll stop being so defensive all ze time."

She hung up on me. My sister could be so insufferable sometimes...but she cares about me. If it were anyone else, I would have cut their throats with the accusations they threw at me. But Gabrielle was essentially a younger version of myself...a younger version who was not in denial about anything. She never overlooked an opportunity to get me to see the truth behind the lies I tried to build around myself. My sister always broke them down, but I had hoped and prayed that she wouldn't manage to even notice this one. I rubbed my eyes and turned back around, placing my elbows on my desk as I sighed. She was somewhat right about her wonderings about why I haven't gone out. I have been wondering about true love, yes. I know I'd never find it in any of the men I've been dating. Dating, and submitting to... I'm tired of the submission more than anything. I'd like for everything to be back under my control. And that included not showing my exhaustion with the direction my life was taking.

But just as I finally found the strength to sit up straight and show the entirety of my office that all was well, I felt the shock of reality surge through my body. And you'd never guess who it was that made me feel it... Hermione just sat there in the chair in front of my desk. Staring at me. There was no sympathy in her eyes, and I hated myself for thinking that I wanted to see any. I placed my reading glasses on as I tried to expel the memories of that phone conversation out of my mind. But the memories from that night I found her ran in to replace them. It was a tug-of-war that began to grate my nerves as I observed her and tried to remain professional. She had on a simple white blouse, a black skirt, and Nine West heels that wrapped around her ankles that were crossed under the chair. My eyes narrowed further and further as I drew a line back to her straight torso. A white Prada bag sat on her knees under her folded manicured hands. Hmm, acrylic nail polish. It matched her blush. Wait a minute; that was not make-up. Her whole face was red. I continued to stare at her for a few moments. The crimson swimmed its way down from her face to her neck, and I noticed a small bulge go down her throat.

I smiled and cleared my own throat. She was nervous for whatever reason. I looked back down to her hands, and I noticed her index finger was shaking. She quickly tensed her hands before she thought I'd notice.

"I assume you are 'ere for an interview to fill ze post of Vice President, non?" I made sure to raise my eyebrow ever so slightly as I spoke.

"You assumed right." She took a deep breath that was barely discernible, then raised her chin a little bit. Hermione had a lot to learn about being discreet with me.

"Well, I must admit I 'ave not 'ad a chance to look over your dossier. I 'ad an important phone call to attend to."

"I'm well aware." Was she listening the entire time? The way her chin shook slightly as she exhaled seemed to answer my question. Well...hopefully she didn't hear Gabrielle say her name. But she was quavering under my gaze for some reason, and she was not giving me that stern look she usually did. Though, just as I opened my mouth to speak, she finally remembered to glare at me a little bit. My eyes widened slightly at her gall.

"Very well. Since I already know your name and you know mine, let us skip ze formalities, hm?" I adjusted my glasses slightly and her chest shook this time when she inhaled. Interesting...but strange.

"Of course."

"So let us get straight to ze point: why would you like to work for me?" Perhaps I phrased that badly, because she turned red again. I tried to hold back a smile; surely she'd find the strength to have more control over this body language of hers if she knew I found it amusing. Nevertheless, her answer was well-formulated and confident.

"I know that your position within this company speaks for itself. My ideal manager is someone that fosters excellence, innovation, and success, as well as personal and professional growth."

"Really?" I couldn't help myself. It was tactless of me, and I could see a hint of surprise on her features. I didn't let myself smile, though.

"Yes."

"So you zink 'ighly of me?"

"Yes." Ohh she was trying so hard to not sound annoyed. I loved it.

"Zat will get you very far in zis company, Mademoiselle. I am glad to 'ear it." No response. The red in her face was subsiding, and replaced with a very pale color as I began looking through her files. She shifted in her seat and was about to grab her collar for one reason or another, but thought against it. "Feeling warm?" I asked absently as I continued looking through her dossier. She didn't respond orally, but she clenched her jaw and began focusing on my organized desk. I couldn't help but let a chuckle escape my lips, and I could just feel the anger radiating from her. "So I see zat you 'ave experience in both ze executive and designing fields. But before zat, you were wiz ze Ministry for nearly six years. Why ze sudden change in careers?"

"Is that really relevant to this interview?" I could have sworn I heard her voice crack a little bit.

"Any'zing I say, do, or ask is relevant to zis interview, Mademoiselle. As would be your responsibilities should I decide to 'ire you. Keep zat up and I may not. Unless you really don't want me to." She gave me a cold glare as I gave her a false heated one. I was confused. She was beating herself up, trying to restrain herself from blowing her top with every insult she wanted to throw at me. But she wanted to work for me for whatever reason. To see me five days out of the week for extended hours? To answer to my every whim, just to hear my lovely voice tell her a false thank you? I thought she hated me? "So you don't want me to 'ire you. I see. Well zen, zat will-"

"I want you to hire me." Her voice was just a mumble. I figured I'd mess with her a little more.

"I'm sorry?"

"I. Want. You. To. Hire. Me."

"A little louder? All ze malice from your glaring seems to be plugging my ears-"

"I want you to hire me!"

"You really want me...to?" I had to bite back a horrible fit of laughter as she widened her eyes.

"Yes."

"Very well. Zis was not ze most professional interview I've 'ad, and I might 'ave been expecting more from you. But I can tell zat zere may be a few zings bothering you at ze present time. Astrid or myself will let you know of my decision in a few days." I reached over to my stack of business cards and handed her one, and not once did we not break our stare. She brushed her finger against mine as she took it. On purpose? She swallowed again when I didn't give her any sign that I noticed. But before she pulled away, she held my entire hand and gripped it firmly as she shook it and stood up. I couldn't even return the gesture. She held my limp hand for a moment as a grin found its way to her face.

"Thank you for your time." I almost shuddered in surprise as she gently scratched her fingernails down my palm as she pulled her hand away. I tried my best to keep glaring at her as she turned on her heel and placed her purse over her shoulder. I couldn't even watch her leave properly; I turned around in my chair again and buried my face in my hand...that was just touching hers. I took a deep breath as I privately feared over this situation. She came in here knowing full and well that if I gave her this job, I would not be decorating her office with chocolate and stuffed animals every morning.

What the hell did she want out of this, then? And why do I care so much? She was just looking for a job at my company. And what the hell was that handshake all about? She probably was just nervous about the interview, but still heard Gabrielle say her name over the phone. That was just an attempt to mess with my head...a very good attempt at that. She probably wants me to think that I like her. Well, I don't. She had some nerve to mess with my head like that. Just as I hit the arm rest of my chair in frustration with her, I looked at a portion of my window. I could see the reflection of an unsure smile on that face of hers. But when I swiveled around to meet the real thing, she was gone.

Was it an illusion? I don't know. But I do know one thing.

She got me.


	4. Liability and Lust

_**IV. **__Liability and Lust_

_(Hermione's POV)_

I haven't heard back from Fleur or Astrid about the job. I know it's only been a couple of days, but...I shouldn't have applied in the first place. Then again, that 'interview' was...well, it was interesting. But the bits I overheard before Fleur realized I was in her office were even more interesting. It's all I've been able to think about. I haven't slept much, but now that I finally have enough sense to analyze all of these clues, I want to go to sleep. It's almost six in the morning and still dark outside. I'll just close my eyes and try to think...

I overheard Fleur speaking with her sister over the phone. Her entire office has windows around it, instead of actual walls. They're very clean, too. I walked in just as she turned around in her chair, and it was enjoyable to watch her expressions change. She never noticed my reflection, but she would always bury her face in her hand and jerk her head up as she retorted to her sister. It was almost like she was...looking right past me. Like she didn't want to see me...

Gabrielle was accusing her of secretly liking _me. _I heard her say "'Ermione." Fleur got really defensive once my name came up...and that's once she literally started staring at my eyes through the glass, but couldn't acknowledge that I was there. She was so caught up in trying to prove her sister wrong that she didn't notice me. On the one hand, it was okay because I was staring right back at her without my trademark scowl. But on the other hand, it was unnerving because she looked so furious. I felt her rage stun me as I sat there, waiting for the conversation to end. She looked so upset once it was finally over...so I decided to see if she really was in denial like yours truly.

During the interview, I was far too nervous that she'd notice something was wrong. I tried my best to not slip up and give myself away, but it's a little hard when your interviewer is turning you on by just...sitting there. I hate that I couldn't stop myself from blushing every time she _looked_ at me. Every time she'd raise her eyebrow, glare at me, smile, laugh, or adjust those sexy glasses of hers, I had to stop my breath from catching in my throat. It was such torture; I loved it...but since when did I become such a masochist? I guess when it comes to her, I am. So much...

I was getting too warm from blushing too much at one point, and I wanted to pull my collar out a bit. Sure enough, she noticed and made an astute observation. Of _course _I was feeling warm! She had no idea that I wasn't nervous about the interview...not quite. It was so degrading when I told her that I wanted her to hire me. I had to repeat myself twice, and the second time I almost forgot to say a few words...

I kept wondering if maybe Gabrielle was right. For all I knew, Fleur might not have been the least interested in me at all. But that adamant resolve in her tone made me think that she was in denial about liking women in general. Still...I want her to feel something for me. Maybe she'll get a taste of her own medicine. I've been in love with nothing but the mere image of Fleur; I hate the woman to bits. I think I may have made a little progress with that handshake. She was too shocked to even react immediately when I lightly scratched my fingernails down her palm. I'm not sure if she noticed, and maybe it was instinctive, but I felt her fingers tugging on mine as I pulled away. It was like she subconsciously wanted me to hold on to her hand...

That force from her fingers was enough for me. No matter what her decision is about hiring me, it should reflect how she feels about me. If she says no, it might mean she can't bear to see me so often. She might...slip. But if she says yes, then that might mean she's willing to either see where this is going. Neither of us would ever admit being interested in the other. I'm not quite sure if she likes me yet, but I really hope she does...

You could say that I've stopped beating myself up about liking the woman. I don't do it nearly as much since I had nothing else to distract myself with before. Those sensations I felt that day in her office, and all that information I took in from observing her...they act as a driving force now. I want her. I'd never tell her first, but I honestly do. I don't want anyone to know, and I'll deny it for as long as I can until I can tell that she has a soft spot for me. If I told her now, she wouldn't accept me. It's just a matter of forming that soft spot...but I've learned a thing or two about flirting.

I'm just hoping that I get this job...and what in blazes is Ron shouting about at six in the morning? Tea? Oh who cares...I think I'll just doze off now...

"HERMIONE! Wake up!" He started knocking on the door so loud that I fell off my bed in surprise.

"What the hell are you pounding the door for?"

"Get dressed and come downstairs! Now!"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, now up you get!"

I was about to ask him why he was waking me up at six in the morning, but I heard him storm back downstairs. Why was Ron bossing me around all of a sudden? I stood up and went after him. I was too grumpy to get dressed, and I really didn't feel like yelling down a flight of stairs.

* * *

"Ronald Weasley! Are you out of your mind, waking me up so early?"

"What are you talking about? It's evening! And if you haven't noticed, you have a guest."

My glare slowly craned from Ron on the recliner to Fleur on the love seat. My exhaustion crept up my throat and I couldn't breathe properly. She just sat there, sipping a cup of tea, staring at me. That black and ivory leather trench coat was astounding, and those Kenneth Cole boots. But why in the world was she dressed so lavishly? I was suddenly very much aware that I was wearing very short shorts and a sleeveless T-shirt. She seemed to notice, too. The way her hard gaze focused on the area in between my legs made me throb uncomfortably, and I needed to sit down.

I was about to go for the only other chair in the room, but Harry beat me to it. He wasn't looking at me. He was just sipping on his tea, trying to find something on TV to watch. Ron motioned to the seat next to Fleur, so I had no choice but to sit there. My face felt a little warm, but I really needed to restrain myself from blushing around her.

I didn't have the energy to frown. She didn't, either, but she wasn't smiling. She took one last sip that rung in my ears in a very inappropriate way and set her cup down on the coffee table as she turned to face me. The way she had her legs facing me with her hands folded over them was so...sickening. That perfect posture, perfect profile, perfect...everything.

"I took a few days to look over your background report and to speak wiz your references. What I discovered surprised me."

"How do you mean?" Oh damnit...don't tell me...

"Your previous boss at ze Ministry in London told me zat you were very passionate about your work, up until around ze time you decided to quit. 'E noticed zat you were not yourself during zis time."

"I don't know what you're talking about." That's right; just lie to buy time until the inevitable comes out...

"You developed a seemingly random passion for fashion even zough you constantly showed distaste for zose 'oo 'overdressed.' You and your boss would often 'ave funny chats about zis. But up until two years ago when you told 'im zat your relationship wiz dear Ronald was over, you changed drastically a few monz after."

"Change? What change?" Why do I always lie when it comes to her...why?

"You 'onestly 'ave no idea what it is I am talking about? Truly? Because if you don't...zen I won't know what to zink of you."

"I..." She was trying to weedle this out of me. What if she didn't really know? Michael wouldn't have given her that much information...he wouldn't have.

"Is zat it? You prefer to lie instead of face ze truth when it is sitting right in front of your face?"

"If you know, then why are you asking me about it?"

"Because I'd like to 'ear it from you...and not 'ave you shoot me down wiz your denial."

Her gaze wasn't as hard anymore...if at all possible with me in her line of sight, it softened. It made me crack, but I knew Michael didn't tell her the real reason. He promised that he wouldn't tell a soul.

"You want to know why I changed? You really want to know why? I went in the fashion industry to run away from the monotony of an old life, Fleur. That's it. And if you can't accept that without thinking that I'm lying, then fine."

She licked her lips and observed me. Her eyes moved down to my fingers, which were not shaking this time, then to my chin. It wasn't shaking, either. Fleur could not know that the whole reason I changed was for her. I drowned myself in this industry because she did. The truth is that I always wanted to learn how to get close to her, to learn the way around her world, but I never wanted her to know why. I thought I could be satisfied with just being her competition, but that plan went out the door as soon as George convinced me to move here.

But she didn't need to know that. I'm positive that she was already suspicious as to why I wanted to work for her if I supposedly hated her. She was wondering why I act the way I do around her, but she was still sitting here with me. She was still observing me...and I was still quaking under my skin but I couldn't let her know.

"So you prefer to run away from every'zing you do understand and dive into a world where no one admires you?"

Her words were sharp. But why was she analyzing me like I was under a microscope? What did this have to do with her decision about hiring me?

"I like a challenge."

"Yes, your o'zer references told me zat much." I let out a small breath of relief that she was changing the subject...but I don't think it was small enough.

"I'm sure they did."

"Zey told me zat you don't let any'zing get in ze way of your work. Zat is what I am looking for in an employee. But I am not looking for someone 'oo 'ides behind zeir work."

"What? I don't do that. If I'm passionate about my work, then I have no need to-"

"Surely you are passionate about an industry where people overdress? Like I do?"

She came here to hack away at my walls, to find out the real reason why I changed careers. Depending on my answer, I'd be hearing a yes or no from her tonight about this job. I couldn't believe her effrontery...what the hell did any of this have to do with me working for her?

"I am. And I'll prove it to you if you just give me a chance."

There was something else she wasn't mentioning. Not once did she glare at me this whole time. I had the feeling she really wasn't prepared with an answer for me quite yet. But she knew I wanted to work for her; she didn't need to know why. She didn't need to know that my heart was aching to hear that yes float from her lips so that I could make my mark on her. But this reason was something she so desperately wanted to see. It was killing her that she didn't know, and I liked it. Even the slightest bit of power over her would grow over time, and even though she thinks she has the upper hand with her cut-throat interrogation, it has only made me even more confident.

But she was too proud to just come right out and ask me - Why do you _really _want to work for me? Even though a part of her knew I wouldn't tell her the truth, that same truth might have scared her. But if she told me no, then that would give away her fear of me even more. That is exactly why I wasn't surprised to hear what she had to say next as she stood up and handed me a stack of papers.

"I'll see you on Monday, zen."

She brushed herself off and stared at me for a moment. I was so relieved and glad that I managed to get her to hire me, but I couldn't really show her that. I could tell she was probably bursting at the seams to tell me off for not giving in to the fear she wanted to instill in me. I didn't lose my cool at all, and she was probably expecting me to pull another stunt so she'd laugh in my face again. Knowing that I conquered her, yet again, was so satisfying that I couldn't help what slipped from my mouth with a grin to go along with it.

"You weren't expecting me to walk you to the door, were you?"

"Actually, yes. As your boss, I would expect you to at least show me a little courtesy."

I couldn't help but looked slightly shocked at her words. She uttered them with such caution and precision that I couldn't even think of a comeback. All she did was narrow her eyes at me momentarily as she made her way to the door after muttering an off-handed thank you to Harry and Ron for their hospitality.

When the door finally clicked shut, I couldn't help watching her walk down the block back to her home from the window. Ron was staring at me, but Harry was looking at the TV vacantly, sipping on his cup that I know was empty. I wasn't sure what their problem was, and I didn't really care. I just left them alone to fume; they were probably just having relationship problems and letting it out on me.

I've noticed that I have changed more than just my choice of clothing ever since I developed my little problem. But it didn't matter. I beat Fleur at her own game. While she may have gotten the upper hand at the last minute, I knew I got somewhere with her.

That was all that mattered to me right now...


	5. Loss of Perspective

_**V. **__Loss of Perspective_

_(Fleur's POV)_

Sunday evening was a quiet one.

I lay on my bed, watching TV listlessly. Flipping the channels was all I could do to keep my mind off of her. Flip, flip, flip...oh, here's a movie I've been meaning to watch. I hadn't really thought about everything that I found out, though. Not quite yet. I feared I would have to if I were to sit and watch this movie, but I needed to sort out my ravaging thoughts. _Les Amants du Flore _is the movie I decided to watch. I had no idea what it was about, but Gabrielle suggested that I see it. I was watching it, but I wasn't paying attention at all. Just as the camera panned to a group studying in a library, my train of thought clicked back to Hermione. I wanted to just run her over and not have to go on this ride ever again. Do you know why?

The woman is in love with me. Hermione. In love with _me. _How? Why? But I know exactly how and why. I just wish I didn't.

One of her references at the Ministry of Magic, Michael, I believe, told me a thing or two about Miss Granger. Apparently, he thought I was a Russian woman from the company down the street, and I'm due to have dinner with him in ten minutes for telling me all I needed to know. There are definite perks to speaking with employers who don't bother to ask for your name, and who swear you're attractive just by speaking to you over the phone. But anyway, he explained most of Hermione's predicament to me. Well, all of it, really. I'm not exactly sure what to think of it.

He explained that Hermione complained of hating the way her heart worked. She often told him that she was experiencing an unrequited love for a woman. This woman despised her, and wanted nothing to do with her. This same woman was also someone Hermione thought she wanted to outwit in every way possible. Get revenge on this woman for screwing with her head, and all would be well. Even if it meant being fake, Hermione swore to become engrossed in the world of this woman. Not to truly be a part of it, but to just laugh in the woman's face and say "I toldja so!" when the woman claimed that Hermione had no chance in the industry.

Michael asked why? Why change your whole life just to prove this woman wrong? Hermione told him it was because of her inferiority complex. You see, Hermione Granger won't admit it, but she has grown to be even more cunning than I am. The way she tried to lie her way out of my questions; the way she _assumed _that I wouldn't have done enough digging on her past, was laughable. To be honest, I couldn't even crack down on her because I kept wondering about something.

Hermione fell in love with me two years ago when I bumped into her while she was crying. I honestly didn't see her there, and I never expected this to be the product of my concern for her. Yes, _concern. _I didn't show Hermione any sympathy because I knew she didn't want any from me. That was my way of showing her that I cared. Bill and the rest of the Weasley's' kindness rubbed off on me in strange ways. I knew she hated me, so I didn't want to degrade her and be nice to her. I figured I'd just play along with her bitchy act so that maybe, just maybe, she'd stop crying and do something about herself.

I never thought myself to be a life-changer. But Hermione's initial intentions for changing her life were both flattering and frightening. She changed her whole way of life just to see how my mind worked. She left a career that she was passionate about to find out why I was so successful in mine, and to steal my glory. She wanted to out-do me. There was just the underlying question of whether I would give her the chance by hiring her.

But the way people think and the way people act are two separate entities. When Hermione was in that interview, if she truly had the same mindset from two years ago, she would not have been blushing and squirming under my presence. If she was really the same bitch that only thrived to get revenge on me for trying to get her to stop crying, then she would not have thanked me that night after I drove her home. You see, Hermione is very simple in the sense that she is as easy to read as all of those books she so desperately clung to.

The way she kept her wits about herself at her home, the way I saw her eyes notice that I was trying to be calm, and the way she tried to act triumphant at the last minute was just a chain of approval for me. She acts high and mighty when she gets her way, but when she has no idea how to read _me; _she has no control over herself.

Again, it was flattering. Really, I had no idea. She shows her love in strange ways...in ways only she knows how, depending who the recipient is. That on top of Gabrielle's accusations made me wonder how I felt about her.

She is...beautiful. Yes, and she finally noticed herself. This whole process seemed to do her some good. I imagine that she isn't as shy anymore. Oh, but when it comes to me, it's quite the opposite lest she nestles some control over herself. But I saw her stiffen when I focused my gaze in between her legs. Her legs that were quite tanned and slender for someone like Hermione.

I sighed as I tried to collect myself. The movie finally came back into perspective...and I think I finally, finally understand why Gabrielle wanted me to watch it. This, doubled with my wondering about Hermione seemed to score a win for my little sister...

The main protagonist was sitting at her desk in her dim-lit room. There was a knock at the door. She went to open it, and found one of her students, Lumi, in the hallway. Lumi looked a great deal like me, mind you. Anyway, the first woman, whose name escapes me right now, asked what she was doing there. Lumi just...licked her lips and gave a silly explanation.

What did it for me was how Lumi walked in the room after cupping the woman's face in her hands, even after getting her hands swatted away the first time. The resolve in Lumi's eyes to help her sad professor was admirable. She led them down to the bed...and they kissed.

Two women, kissing. I was a woman, wondering about another woman, who loved me. She wanted to kiss me. But did she want to kiss me because she wanted to laugh in my face for making me fall for her, too? So that I'd finally understand what she was feeling at this very moment? Or was it because she wanted to be happy with me? Did she see past my cocky exterior, and realize that I'm just hopelessly in denial about myself?

I honestly had a feeling that right now, it was to get back at me. Hermione can't fall in love with the Fleur she has never bore witness to.

Lumi and her professor were done kissing; the scene had switched to them in class. The background music was incredibly depressing, and Lumi was smiling at her from her desk. It was an evil smile. A smile that said "Yes, I conquered you. I only wanted you for that night alone to say that I had you."

If that's all Hermione wanted from me, she'll be in for a rude awakening tomorrow morning and for the rest of her career. No one plays me for a fool. No one messes with my heart, my head, or my emotions. I'll admit that I have minimal feelings for her...

Hmph; minimal. Who am I kidding? So I like her. Only because she's the only one who can truly say they've been in love with me for the past two years. She changed herself for me. But she thinks that I am an insatiable snobby whore with no means to find out the truth about those I am forced to come in contact with. There is attraction, but she can't know that...

Which is why I will be showing my lovely Hermione just what it means to work directly under the renowned Fleur Delacour.

* * *

The next morning, I woke up bright and early; four a.m. I made sure to 'overdress' like we always do at work. A chic black leather jacket with a red blouse underneath would do the trick. Knee-high heeled boots and a black knee-long skirt seemed to fit as well. Heavy eyeliner and a touch of mascara at the tips of my eyes helped. Ponytail, Armani watch, and a black choker as well.

Once I was satisfied with my appearance, I decided to apparate to work this time. In case you're wondering, we are a Wizarding fashion corporation that sells products to Muggles as well. I, of course, am in charge of which lines get promoted and which get cut. Advertising, fund-raising, promotions, shows, the board of directors, and dear Hermione, are all under my wings.

Everyone who had enough sense to get to work earlier than me greeted me warmly as I made my way to my office. I smiled congenially at all of them. If you must know, all, except for very few of my employees, are male. They might not be good at multi-tasking, but I like a male's input on how a woman should fit her clothes. Astrid was also here quite early, and was eager as always to try and greet me in French. She was quite the hard-worker, and the looker, so I could never really get frustrated with her. Brazilians also seemed to know fashion like the back of their hand.

My office was lit slightly by the lights outside. It was still relatively dark as I walked over to my phone. No new messages, for once. I nodded and went back out to see if my board of directors was in the large conference room where they usually congregated. Sure enough, they were. They smiled and greeted me warmly (some almost sickeningly) as I sat down at the end of the long table. I could hear a pair of hurried footsteps right outside and stop by the door.

"Fleur, that jacket does wonders for your shoulders!"

"Indeed, indeed! And that shirt! So bold; I love it!"

"That watch is amazing! Where'd you get it?"

Just as I grew tired of their compliments (again, they were all men), I was about to silence them. But luckily, my finance officer had enough sense to remember why I asked them to meet here.

"So did we finally find a suitable Vice President that'll last longer than a month?"

"Yes, Andre. I 'ave. She's standing right outside ze door. Won't you come in? 'Ermione?"

I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me when she stepped in the room. She decided to darken her hair, and it was now a rather complimenting dark auburn brown. It was wavy and fell just past her shoulders. That white linen jacket went well with her pale blue top with a rather sharp collar. Her white linen pants and baby blue boots knew how to fit her legs as she walked over to the empty seat next to me that I was motioning to. She smiled at me. Blushingly. Then the scowl came. I'm not sure how all three managed to keep my eyes on her with the same intensity, but it wasn't the time for that. Not yet.

I had to keep myself from staring at her any longer, though I would have gone unnoticed by my board; they were also staring at her. Rather disgustingly at that.

"Zis is 'Ermione Granger.'Ermione, ze board of directors. Also my subordinate executives." I started introducing everyone to her as I extended my hand clockwise along the table. "Andre Kreuger, my chief financial officer. Leonicio Gonzalez, my chief operating officer. Paul Jean-Lussac, my chief technical officer. Tony Blaire, my chief marketing officer. Antoine Brou, my chief information officer. And finally, Gary Champi, my director of human resources."

They all grinned at her and nodded as I addressed each one of them. Hermione graciously returned their gesture then returned her eyes to me. She looked rather tired...but I wasn't letting her off the hook.

"As ze new Vice President, I expect you to be well-versed on your duties. You did look over those papers I gave you, non?"

"Yes, I did."

"Good, good. Ze project listed on zere, ze Blaire Project zought of by you-know-who (Tony sent a wink our way) is currently in ze works. You read zat it is an intercontinental project, and we expect you to spear'ead ze 'ole zing."

"You didn't mention that on the-"

"I changed my mind."

When she didn't give me any lip and kept scowling, I placed my elbows on the table and inched closer to her. I noticed her tense up. Silly Hermione...

"We are 'ere to assist wiz our respective tasks, of course. Our directors will 'elp wiz 'andling ze money, getting ze word out, and so forz. But you, 'Ermione, are solely responsible wiz coming up wiz ze ideas and getting my approval for zem. Astrid has left a few more papers on your desk in your office. It is right by mine."

When I didn't speak any further, that was her permission to get up and leave. I smiled weakly as she stood up, and that blush returned just as she turned around.

She said she wanted to work for me, and so she's getting exactly what she wants. If she gets too exhausted, then she can quit. She can go back on everything she told Michael, she can give up her chance to prove me wrong...

But then I won't be able to see if she's honestly attracted to me for love. I don't want to be her little hate toy. I want to slap some sense into that gorgeous face of hers and scream in those adorable ears that she needs to work for my trust. But knowing how stubborn we both are, I truly wonder when and how our feelings will spill from our hearts into the others' hands. I know that I would take care of hers if I felt that they were genuine, but would she be so cruel as to let mine drip from her hands? Her claws?

Or would she finally let the hatred go and just love me for me?


	6. Lack of Proof

_**VI. **__Lack of Proof_

_(Hermione's POV)_

"Mademoiselle Granger, do zis. Mademoiselle Granger, do zat. No, 'Ermione, zat won't do. Do zis and zat_, _and _zis_ and _zat, _and goddamnit I'm so tired of this!"

It's almost the end of the week and I've been up to my hair in piles and piles of work to do until just now. I've been too tired to even care about turning the lights on in my office anymore; the lights from outside were good enough.

Fleur made me spearhead the entire Blaire Project, _and _she occasionally makes me go out shopping for her _sister. _What does buying Gabrielle five pairs of slacks, three blouses, ten pairs of shoes, and thirteen bras have to do with my job? Shouldn't Astrid or someone be doing that? Merlin, I just want to strangle that slender neck of hers and dig my fingernails into her perfect flesh every time she comes into my office! Every time I _think _about her, even! But that same way my blood pressure rises dangerously makes me feel so damn aroused.

I've been taking care of everything she tells me to do, and I know that's what she expects out of me. But I've barely been out of the office, barely had any sleep, and I'm entirely too sick of going to Starbucks every six hours. I know I said I was desperate to see Fleur and hear Fleur any way I could, but this is ridiculous. You try juggling fifty tasks that your lovely boss wants done by the end of the day, _and _still remember to go home and shower to prepare yourself mentally. I haven't even had a chance to try and get back at her yet...but I've been diligent with my work. That comes first, right? Sadly, yes. That's right...

The ringing of my phone scared the hell out of me while I was _trying _to calm down. I picked it up immediately and shut my eyes as I rubbed them.

"Hello?" I asked tartly.

"'Ow is every'zing going?" Fleur's pristine...annoying...purrfect voice is not what I need to hear right now...

"Fine."

"Good, good. I expect zat you will 'ave some'zing ready for me to look over by ze end of today, non?"

"Fleur, it's...almost midnight."

"I will see you at 11:59, zen. Don't come to me, I will come to you. Impress me, won't you? Ta ta."

I hung up the phone and buried my face in my arms on the desk. I had a grand total of ten minutes to prepare myself. I already had everything ready for her. It was just a matter of not looking ghastly when she came in here. I figured I'd go throw some water on my face or something; Astrid suggested that I not wear make-up if I work for Fleur. I can certainly see why.

* * *

As I dragged myself out to the restrooms, I noticed a lot of my co-workers running around with their heads cut off, levitating stacks of papers behind them. If they dropped but one thing and Fleur saw, she wouldn't be happy. There was always a lot going on in this building, and Fleur was on top of making sure everyone had their priorities sorted.

The door felt heavier than usual to me as I pushed it open. Luckily it was empty. I'm not sure why, but suddenly the prospect of being alone in my office with Fleur made me unusually nervous. I quickly used the restroom and washed my hands. Still nervous. I threw some water on my face and observed myself. I didn't look horrible, and at least my eyes weren't blood-shot like a lot of people I knew. I know my capacity for work might have been slightly above everyone else's, but they should be used to being drowned in tasks by Fleur and their respective supervisors.

I dried my face and sighed as I made my way back to my office. Even though I was tired out of my mind, I still _wanted _to see Fleur. I mean, it's not her fault that the Vice President of her company has to take on such a plethora of tasks. Right? It's only my fault for taking this position. Position...

Funny. I've turned into a private pervert now.

But honestly; you would, too. Every time I see her, I just get this intense desire to _do _something to her. It doesn't help that I hate how much work I have to do. The hatred, plus my deprived sex drive, is starting to make me run up a wall. Damn, I want her...

* * *

"Hey, hey, hey."

"Hi Rick." What was he doing standing by my office?

"Say, listen. I've been wondering about something."

"Wondering about what?"

"What are the chances that we could, you know..."

"No, I don't know." Why was he inching closer to me? He was towering over me now.

"Ah come on, Hermione. I know you have some pent up frustration down there."

"Down where?"

"Right here-"

I was narrowing my eyes at him by this point, and his hand was about to point down _there, _but he froze. He had this horrified expression on his face, but he wasn't looking at me. Once he finally snapped out of it, he tried to hurry away, but a sharp voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Monsieur Vera."

"I'm sorry, bye-"

"Non. Come 'ere."

Rick went over to Fleur with his head practically in between his legs. She had this infuriated look in her eyes, and I couldn't help staring. Was she honestly trying to defend me? The way she licked her lips and slowly opened her mouth to speak suddenly made all of my exhaustion vanish with her patience for him; she slapped the man. He put a hand over his face and looked _so _shocked that she did that. Hell, he deserved it!

"I want your office cleared by tomorrow."

"But Fleur it's almost-"

"You 'eard me, you sick pervert. You're fired. Get out of 'ere and don't you dare zink you'll get ano'zer job after zat stunt. Zis is a _professional _environment. Not zat porno shop you frequent."

"I don't-"

"Do not make me repeat myself."

He hurried off, and I wasn't really sure what to say. I had to refrain myself from looking at her; she was wringing her hand and wincing slightly. Instead I just opened the door to my dark office and allowed her to step inside. My nerves came back as I closed the door and sighed quietly.

"So, what do you 'ave for me to see?" My stomach churned uncomfortably for no reason at all...

"Would you like the lights on?"

"Non, zis is fine."

She looked at me intently for a moment until I gestured to the chair in front of my desk. It seemed to me that she didn't even notice what I did as she turned around. I'm not sure. Perhaps that was my cue to just go ahead and poke fun at her tonight...

I walked to my desk and handed her a portfolio of everything she kindly suggested that I do this week. She didn't even look at it; she just kept staring at me. I leaned on my desk just inches away from her and placed my hands behind me. I made sure to stick out my chest as I pretended to take a deep breath, but I never really let it out. I returned her stare, letting myself grin a tiny bit. She just wouldn't stop staring. And, for once, I didn't feel embarrassed about it. If anything, it just made me feel even better about my plans as I leaned closer to her.

"The portfolio, boss."

She licked the outer rim of her teeth and finally moved her eyes down to my work. I love it when she does that...for obvious reasons. I walked behind her as she began looking everything over; I made sure to be quite extensive with everything so far. I bent down to look over her shoulder and clasped my hands behind my back. Sadly, she wasn't giving off any warmth like I had hoped. I guess someone as cold as Fleur wouldn't be able to, but that didn't stop my insides from warming up as I stood there. In my empty office. With Fleur.

"I do believe that venue would be best for attracting attention," I said softly as she paused on a page.

Fleur merely craned her head around to look at me properly. She wasn't smiling, or glaring, but her eyes were telling me something. I was so close to her face that I could have kissed her. I wanted to. I was burning with a desire to capture her luscious lips, but I didn't want to be _too _bold. Besides, I lost a lot of my confidence in the split second it took for her to glance down at my lips, then back to my eyes. She noticed the transition as she slowly went back to my portfolio. Damnit.

What else, what _else?_ I need to keep this up, somehow. She probably wasn't expecting this. I'm not sure if she's caught on that I like her, however much I'd rather not. I know I said I stopped beating myself up about it, but sometimes it gets unbearable. She's just so damn attractive and I wish she weren't. But I need to use this time to make her fall for me. Somehow.

I slowly walked over behind my desk to look down at the city. I still had my hands clasped behind my back, pretending to be blissfully unaware that she was staring at me. Was she trying to figure me out, or did she already know? If she was angry about it, she would have spoken up. That was proof enough that maybe she knew, and she might have liked me back. Because, after all, I could still see her stunning reflection staring at me out of the corner of my eye.

I took my time to turn back around and walk over to her; apparently she wasn't ashamed to keep looking at me. I took my place directly in front of her again and leaned down. I was also happy to see that she hadn't turned the page at all.

"Is there something wrong?"

"I zink you know what my problem is."

I wasn't really expecting _that _to come out of that mouth of hers. She just pursed her lips and returned to my portfolio. What does she mean? For once, I had no means of picking her words and actions apart this time. Maybe she could clarify for me...

"You don't like what I have so far?"

"Quite ze contrary; zis is exactly what I 'ad in mind."

"Well then, I'm not quite sure what your problem is."

"I zink you do."

She closed my portfolio and stood up. I stood up straight, and she moved her face oddly close to mine. Even my temples were pulsing as fast as my heart; the lights from outside that were barely shining on her face did wonders for her. Her eyes looked down at me, almost daring me to do something to her. Anything. I couldn't; I was too surprised by her to move. Not that I wanted to move...

"I don't think I do..."

"Ze great 'Ermione Granger can't even see zat 'er victims are taking ze bait, hm?" Her soft voice clouded my mind for a moment and I couldn't think.

"Wh-what...?"

"Don't play dumb."

Victim? Did she mean herself? And what bait? My flirting?

Apparently so, because she kept moving closer to me. I had to lean my back down a little more to keep from coming in contact with her... But she was still bent over me. And even though she wasn't touching me, I could still feel her rage shoot through me like needles. They stabbed my senses, and all I could do was stare at her thin eyes. I narrowed my eyes instinctively to cover up how incredible she was making me feel...but I had a feeling she could already tell regardless.

"Y-you're my victim?"

"Zat is what you want, non? _You want me _to play zis game."

"What...game?"

"You zink you are so cold and calculating. You zink I cannot tell when you are trying to say some'zing zat your pride won't allow."

"I don't know what you're talking about." But alas, I did; she caught on to my plans.

"Revenge is such a sweet form of satisfaction. I know. But do not go strutting about my emotions any longer, 'Ermione. You will get 'urt if you keep zis up."

"You're just-"

"Completely aware zat you cannot accept any'zing at face value. You cannot accept any'zing for what it is. Do not try to manipulate it; you end up manipulating far too many o'zer zings in ze process."

I couldn't even respond. I don't think she liked me back...no. She was just trying to boost my ego to see what I would do to her. What a callous bitch...

"So you're saying I manipulated you?"

"You know quite well what it is I am saying. Why should you of all people need clarification?"

She leaned forward a little more, and a little more...it got to the point where I was laying on top of my desk, with my thighs supporting hers as she towered over me. If she knew how nervous and pissed off I was, she'd just feel so damn good about herself...

"You see, zere are many ways of showing people what you are zinking. I usually skip over ze false exteriors and focus on every...little...sign...I see."

As she paused in between her words, she got closer and closer to my face. I was burning, and I know she could feel it. But I didn't have any desire whatsoever to push her off. My breath caught in my throat as her breasts came into contact with mine; if I were to look down, right now, I could see...quite a few things. Why did I feel slightly dizzy all of a sudden...?

"Every little zing you do, 'Ermione...I see it. You are a poor liar as well."

"What the hell am I doing now?"

She chuckled at that, and my arms shuddered slightly as I felt her long fingernails make a path down to my hands...but not once did they come in contact with my skin. That was good, because she would have felt the hair or my arms standing up on end anyway...

"You are working under me."

I just wanted to shove my stubborn thoughts aside and seize her right then...I knew the excitement was in my eyes. And that, of course, was her permission to get up. She held both of my hands and helped me back up, but yanked my face right underneath hers. I wanted to grip her hands, but, again, she read me correctly and decided to let go of them. She made sure to scratch her fingernails down my palms as she moved her mouth to my ear. I knew she could hear my heartbeats pounding through there, and that soft laugh tickled my ear so good that my knees buckled slightly.

"'Appy bir'zday, 'Ermione. What are you now, twenty-eight? I suggest you act like it."

I could have collapsed on the floor with shock, added with the loss of breath I had when she pulled away. Her glare softened, and she actually smiled at me before turning on her heel and leaving me alone in my office. She caught on that I was trying to get her to like me for revenge. That perceptive, conniving bitch...

Now what am I going to do? All of that was probably just to tease me for liking her to begin with. I can't just ask her if she does. I'm right back to where I started, except now she has the upper hand. Great...just great.

Happy birthday to me.


	7. Leniency

_**VII. **__Leniency_

_(Fleur's POV)_

After I left Hermione alone in her office, I apparated back home to get some sleep. If anyone had a problem with it, they would be wise to keep quiet about it. I _do _get tired, and all I needed was about a ten hour "nap" before I was right back to how I was feeling before. Sure, I wasn't sleepy, but I was still mildly angry at Hermione. Just a little. I really didn't feel like thinking about her anymore.

I decided to put some sensible clothes on after a warm shower, then apparated back to work. On my way to my office, my cell phone rang. I was glad for any excuse to pretend to ignore a certain someone's existence as I looked at the caller ID.

Oh, it was Antoinette. Good. I knew I could count on her to call when I wasn't feeling myself.

"Antoinette, 'ow are you?"

"Hey, I'm doing pretty good. You don't sound like you are, though. What's up?"

"Ahh...give me a minute to get to my office, won't you?"

"No prob."

Just as I nodded curtly to Astrid, I noticed a confused figure stop dead in her tracks in her office next to mine. I pretended not to notice her as I got in my own and locked the door, and placed a Silencing Charm around my room. I sat on my chair and faced the windows as I spoke up again.

"You would zink someone like myself would 'ave ze perfect love life..."

"No, I don't think you would. Besides, I know for a fact that you don't. Do I need to kick some guy's ass today?"

"Non...but...'ow can I say zis..."

"Out with it."

"I'm in love wiz a woman. A girl. A child."

"Whoa, what? Back up, Fleur. Which is it?"

"All zree."

"The hell? What's going on?"

I spent at least ten minutes explaining everything to her. I told her all about Hermione's little scheme, and how I fell for it completely. How I fell for her...so much. I finally admitted to both Antoinette and myself that I found Hermione's efforts deathly attractive, and how I honestly was in love with someone for the first time in a very long time.

Antoinette listened intently the whole time, in between the occasional "Mhm"'s and "Oh"'s to let me know she was paying attention. I really appreciate how she understands my needs. When I talk, I prefer people to listen. It is my commanding side, but it comes with being in a position such as mine for so long, both in and out of the workplace.

"So you think she's tryna con you for your affections?"

"Essentially, yes."

"Mmm...I dunno, Fleur. From what you told me about how she was when she was younger, it seems kinda strange that she'd do that. I mean, you told me yourself that she's a nice person."

"She is nice to 'er friends and family, yes..."

"Well why don't you try being nice to her? From the sound of things, you want to love her. She just needs to sort out her priorities."

"Well, speaking of being nice, I told you it is 'er bir'zday today."

"Birthday kiss?"

"Zat might go straight to 'er 'ead, don't you zink?"

"But you want to kiss her. You told me you'd like to do a lot of things to her."

"Don't remind me..."

"Fleur, listen. Just try being nice to her today. If she even thinks of giving you any shit, then her sensible side should stop her."

"And if she's good, zen what? Give 'er a present? I doubt she would 'ave any decency to just accept my generosity for what it is."

"Let her try. If you think she's done a good job by the end of the day, give her a present. If she hasn't...then test her."

"All zis secrecy is not what I 'ad in mind."

"Well, actions speak louder than words. Everyone knows that. She'll show her true colors if you throw yourself out there for her. You'll learn to deal with them if they're not up to your standards. But for now, seriously, just give in to her. I hate that you're upset, and she can help with that if you just let her."

"You know me too well."

"I know. Now go. Be nice to her and keep tabs on her today, alright? And remember to actually eat something."

"You're sounding like Gabrielle."

"Hah, yeah well she's not the only person who cares about you. I'm assuming Hermione does, too. She's not really aware of who she's messing with, but you can put her in her place if you need to. Just give her a chance first."

* * *

Unfortunately for Hermione, I actually had a few tasks to take care of, so I couldn't quite observe her as I intended. Instead, while I was signing one last paper, my office phone rang for the first time that day.

"Eyevine C-"

"Excuse me, but would you like to come have lunch with yours truly?"

"Do I _know _you?"

"Yes, you do. I'm an old friend. Your name is Fleur Isabelle Delacour, you used to be married to Bill Weasley, and you have a younger sister named-"

"'Oo are you?"

"An old friend who would be happy to have lunch with you. I swear I'm not a stalker who wants to kidnap you."

I tapped my fingernails on my desk as I tried to decipher his voice. Nothing was clicking in my mind, but I didn't see the harm in it.

"Fine. Where would you like to meet?"

"There's a nice sit-down place right across the street from you. How about you meet me there in a few minutes?"

"Very well..."

* * *

Before I even stepped inside the restaurant, I knew who it was that called me. That head of hair stood out from everyone else's, and the large smile on his face as he approached me. I should have known it was him over the phone...

"George...what are you doing 'ere in Paris?"

"So much for a hello."

"Of course...where are my manners? 'Ow 'ave you been?"

"Concerned."

"About?"

"You and Hermione."

It was my turn to be concerned as he led us over to a small table. He gave me a few moments to prepare myself after we ordered our meals. I really didn't even know how to take advantage of the opportunity. I had spent so much time thinking about her all week; my mind was determinedly blank on the subject of Hermione today. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. It was just another one of my defense mechanisms when I could no longer be in denial about things.

"Fleur, she told me what happened this morning."

"And 'as she told you every'zing about 'erself pertaining to me?"

"If you mean her decision to change careers, and how she truly feels about you, then yes."

"Well zen, what is zere to be concerned about?"

"She's...not as malicious as you think she is. The last thing she wants is to push you away from her."

"'Ermione told you zat?"

"She did. She's told me quite a few things, as you know. Of course the denial bit is always prominent, but I think she's slowly coming to terms with herself."

The waitress came back with our meals, and we ate in between calm conversation about Hermione.

"She doesn't know what she's doing, Fleur. You know she always sets her mind to whatever she wants, but she'll end up losing herself for a bit when things don't work out."

"So she 'as lost 'erself?"

"Well...yeah. She's not the same Hermione I remember from two years ago, but I'm pretty sure she'll change back. She just...needs a little help from you. She thinks that you don't like her back, and it's killing her."

I wasn't sure if I could trust George with the information that I really do like Hermione back...and so much more. The reasons behind the feelings were just so strange to me, but I couldn't help it. Love is love no matter what.

"She should not assume so many zings about me."

George nearly choked on his drink as I swallowed mine. I looked down at my cup uncertainly, then slowly back to him with an air of confidence.

"You mean you really like her?"

"I _like '_er, George. I don't like '_er._"

"Hmm, well said, Fleur. But she thinks you were just messing with her head this morning."

"I intend to fix zat."

"You're gonna tell her?"

"Oui."

"When?"

"Today. If she is good. If not, zen I may change my mind."

"She'll be so happy, Fleur! She's been a wreck these past couple of years-"

"I'm aware."

"Oh. Well, I'm curious... How far do you plan on going with just _telling _her?"

"As far as my 'eart allows. I am quite interested to see if she really 'as lost 'erself like you claim."

I couldn't let myself tell him that it was more of a weakness I had for her. My muse about her was rather...minimal, to be honest. I still haven't managed to get over a few old habits when it came to dating...

"Fleur...if I'm reading you right, then I have to say you're taking a big risk. It'll go straight to her head and-"

"And if she is ze generous, loving 'Ermione from two years ago, zen she will realize zat my intentions are genuine. I'd love to see if 'ers are as well."

"You're a bold one, Fleur...and I can see why she loves you."

After I took the last bite from my meal and set my fork down, I gave George one last thing to think about. Myself as well, I suppose...

"Really? Because I certainly don't."

* * *

When I got back to my office, I decided to skip my visit to Hermione for a few hours. I actually had to network with associates and put on my professional face instead of moping around all day over her.

By the time I had hung up my phone for the fiftieth time that day, I honestly wasn't sure what to do with myself. But I needed to schedule a meeting for Hermione to discuss her plans to us. Wait, no; that was her job. But at the same time, I couldn't just sit around and do nothing whilst I waited for her to magically get up and do it. I decided to go speak with her; depending on how she acted towards me in the meeting, and right now, would help me make up my mind about her, I suppose.

I let myself in her office and closed the door behind me...and found Hermione with her head in her arms on the desk. She was _asleep. _I was well aware that she technically had nothing else to do tonight, but I don't stand for employees sleeping on the job. She was on _my _time. But...Astrid told me Hermione only went home to shower and change her clothes today. Why? And why did I suddenly feel guilty about my ten hour nap? I should have hexed her for falling asleep at work, but I didn't have the heart to. Just like I haven't had the heart to give her as much work as everyone else lately, though I'm sure she thinks otherwise.

"You zink I am such an evil person...'ow in ze world could you love me?"

My voice was too quiet to even stir her. My heart started to feel heavy with..affection for her as I watched her sleep in her dark office. I slowly walked over to the chair in front of her desk and sat down quietly while I finally allowed myself to just think.

My heart actually made me believe that she looked so innocent. So peaceful. But really...why did she love me? Because of my appearance? She didn't even know me. But maybe the real Hermione that she's locked away for the past couple of years could answer my questions. I truly wanted to help bring her out. Lusting over me somehow drove her away, and that made me feel a little bad about myself. Ever since I started to like this woman in front of me, I've started to see so many other things about myself...things that I always tried to run away from.

She moved her head slightly so that her face was perfectly visible. I wanted to tell her that she looked beautiful when I was in her office this morning at midnight. But now I wanted to actually touch her beauty while telling her. She was making me feel bad for teasing her without so much as a word. Just a soft rhythm of quiet breaths and a serene expression was enough for me.

I told Antoinette that I am attracted to Hermione...but even while I was telling her, I didn't let my defenses down. But sitting here watching Hermione sleep...it was just an opportunity that screamed at my emotions to just let go. I always have so much control over everything, and that more than anything was why I was so torn with Hermione. Here I was, watching her sleep. I should have been yelling at her for sleeping, but I chose not to. I couldn't even let my desires take over...because I didn't want to keep giving into her scheme.

Am I...afraid? Afraid to give in to this woman whose meaning in life right now is to make me succumb to her? This is what I meant about those little things I always tried to run away from. Everyone thinks me to be such a flamboyant and heartless woman. Everyone including Hermione. That was why she loved me, right? Because I'm commanding and oh so sexy, and she desperately wants to put me in my place. I don't like that idea, because there really isn't much for her to do. No one knows me as well as I know myself, even though I have my friends and family beside me. The only one who knows who I am is myself, though I come off as whoever I feel like being when I feel like it. A habit, if you will.

She doesn't quite love me for me, it seems. I'd have to ask her, but I'd rather see how she behaves herself tonight. Either way, I was finally letting my desires take over. I want her. I want to see who she really is, and I only know one way to find out. But, more importantly...

I wanted to know why she was being so lenient on herself by sleeping at work without bothering to even lock her door. Lenient, or just plain careless. Unless this was just another part of her plan; have her boss find her asleep and laugh in said boss's face for not scolding her. The uncertainty was not appealing to me.

But she herself was. Hermione was most appealing indeed...


	8. Leaks and Lakes

**A/N - **Okie. So this chapter might be a little odd as far as Hermione's behavior is concerned. But I'm really trying to emphasize that being in love with Fleur has changed her. I plan on changing typical roles around a little in this story, fyi. Yup, so I hope you enjoy this installment.

_**VIII. **__Leaks and Lakes_

_(Hermione's POV)_

A dream...

I was in a dark room with Fleur, and she was kneeling down at my feet. She was at my mercy. It felt...good. The power was overwhelmingly delectable in every way possible, and I loved it. The respect, the submission, and payback she was giving me was entirely too good to be true.

I knelt down and brought her face to mine; she was glaring at me. That turned me on immensely, and I never wanted her to change. I knew it was a dream, but I didn't want to wake up. This is what I want in my life. While it might not be this way now, it will be soon as long as I do things right. She was going to go crazy for me, just like I am for her. My love for her has spurred this drive, and it's done nothing but grow with every single time my veins are close to bursting with rage over her.

I've never felt so alive in my entire life. Never...

I slowly woke up from my image of supremacy, but I still had my eyes closed. I could hear another person's soft breathing in my office, along with a downpour of rain outside. The raindrops hitting my windows one by one only accentuated my hearing as I allowed myself to pretend to still be asleep. I had a vague feeling that Fleur was there with me, but I didn't want her to know that I was awake.

I heard her shift; she was sitting on a chair. She took a deep breath, a quiet breath, as I continued listening with my eyes closed. I was expecting her to come in here and yell at me for falling asleep...because that's what I wanted. I wanted to see her angry. Was that so horrible? I wanted her to be as angry as I am with her. But she wasn't...

She was watching me sleep.

This bothered me. I don't like this Fleur. I'd really rather not like any Fleur she decides to be, but that's out of my hands. But why the hell wasn't she yelling at me...?

I decided to wake up and play innocent. She probably assumed that this was part of my plan, but that's quite alright. I might as well go full-out with things since she knows what my plans are. I'm not sure if she'll go along with them out of boredom or lust, but either one works for me.

"Oh...Fleur. Hi."

"Good evening. Care to explain what you were zinking, falling asleep at work?"

"No...I was just tired, that's all..."

"And do you know what rhymes wiz 'tired'?"

She narrowed her eyes at me and stood up, making her way outside. The way her eyes became slits made me want to smile like an idiot, but I had to control myself. I just glared right back at her and turned my nose up as she walked away, but she stopped when she opened the door.

"Go to ze conference room. You will discuss your plans wiz us, and we will 'elp you decide where to go next. I will be in zere in a moment."

With that, she left and made a graceful turn into her office. I was hoping that she'd slam either of our doors shut, but she didn't. Hers only made a quiet click as it closed. So much for an outburst...

* * *

Once I got to the conference room, I was greeted by everyone's grins. Fleur wasn't there yet, but I could hear her flat voice over the speaker phone, telling us she'd be right down. Andre hit the mute button and stretched his arms languidly as if he and everyone else did this all the time.

"WOO! Boss'll be down in a minute, boys!"

"Boys?" I asked.

"Ah, don't worry Hermione," Paul told me. "You're one of the boys now."

"Thanks..."

"Damn, I never get tired of saying this, but Fleur's so damn hot," Andre said vacantly. Gary and Tony looked at each other uncomfortably as I tensed up.

"Ohhh yes! Yes, yes!" Antoine looked like he was staring up her skirt by the way he was looking up with glee. I turned my nose up at him.

"Don't you agree?" Leoni asked me.

"Not really," I lied. And quite poorly at that. Andre laughed and nudged me.

"Well then, what _do _you think of the boss?"

I wondered what to say. I mean, I had already lied about finding her attractive. I always lie to myself about loving her whenever I get the chance, and try to just explain to myself that I wanted revenge. So, why did I need to bother to ever tell the whole truth?

"She's despicable. Horrible. Completely fake and repulsive. I hate everything about her, and I wish she'd learn how to own up to her actions and see when people are entirely too hurt by them."

"If you hate her so much, why are you working for her?" Tony asked. Everyone else leaned in attentively, but I merely shot my nose in the air as I continued.

"Because, I'm just trying to get back at her for all she's done to me."

"What has she done to you?" Leoni asked.

"Everything! Everything and anything that makes her day because I'm just a victim to her. She doesn't care if she bumps into me without apologizing. She doesn't care if she can tell how nervous I always am around her, or if I'm saying one thing or thinking another! Fleur doesn't give a damn about anyone but herself, and nothing will ever change that!"

"Whoa, whoa. Are you-"

"Let me finish!" I said, cutting Paul off. "I've changed my whole damn life for that bitch and she doesn't even care. I know I myself am changing, but I can't do a damn thing about it. The less Fleur cares, the more I change. The more I change, the more Fleur doesn't care. Do you see a pattern going on?"

"Hermione, are you ob-"

"No, Gary! No! Just because I don't go around saying how hot my boss is, and I instead take to insulting her when I damn well please, doesn't mean I'm obsessed with her!"

"Uhm...I think you are," Antoine said tentatively. I glared at him.

"You're insane!"

"I think you are, hun." I wanted to rip that little blonde crew cut off of his head for saying such a thing!

"I am not! I hate her! I hate her, I hate her, I HATE HER! I hate how she makes me feel, I hate what she doesn't make me feel, I hate the way she looks at me and the way she doesn't look at me-"

"Hermione!" Andre shook my shoulders. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I grabbed his arms to make him stop, and he let go of me fearfully.

"What the hell is wrong with me? Nothing! I'm perfectly fine."

"You really should-"

"No, Tony. I'm never talking to Fleur about this, because all she'll do is laugh in my face and try to fire me. I can't have that."

"Okay, okay..." Leoni looked a little concerned for me, but it didn't matter. "We'll keep quiet about this, but you had better try and say _something _to her soon. Agreed?"

"Fine." As if I'd ever tell Fleur any of this anyway.

"Oh, here she comes," Paul said as we all noticed someone walking towards the door. We all scurried back to our seats and pretended like nothing happened, but...

"Hey guys," Vu said. He was our tech guy. "I'm just here to replace this phone," he said as he walked over and unplugged it.

"Um...why?" Gary asked.

"The mute button doesn't work. I'll be back in a jiffy with a new one." He smiled at us and whistled happily as he left.

I felt like a fifty ton truck landed in the pit of my stomach, tried to drive off, but ended up exploding under the pressure of all the guilt I felt as everyone's fearful eyes landed on me. My heart was beaten to death with a nailed bat, while my conscience yelled "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" again and again while I took its blows. I didn't even need anyone to tell me what to do; I was already up and running down the hallway to Fleur's office without a second thought.

* * *

It felt like I was speeding through a dark tunnel. My mind was racing as I got closer and closer to Fleur's door that was just barely ajar. If I was so right about everything, then why was I breaking my neck to apologize to her? Because I feel better about myself when I make fun of her when I think she has her back turned...?

I got to her door and took a deep breath. Unfortunately, Astrid wasn't at her desk. She usually gave me an assuring expression whenever she saw me, but it looked like I had to deal with this on my own. All I had to do was apologize...but she knew everything now.

Everything...

I knocked on the door out of nerves more than anything. I couldn't tell if she was even inside, but I didn't want to go in just yet. My nerves were bouncing around warmly in my stomach, and I knew I was blushing too much.

Maybe she wasn't even in her office? What if she didn't hear what I said? That would be much better, actually...

_"Entrée."_

Shit.

I couldn't tell what her tone was...but it was too late to turn back. I carefully stepped inside and in front of her door. I put all of my weight on it to close it, but Fleur flicked her wand at me and sped up that process just a tad. The office was too dark to make out her expression, but I just rubbed the back of my head and winced as I sat down in the chair across from her. In actuality, I wanted to smile but I had to hold it back. She was angry, and I slowly felt my nerves mesh into a ball of joy as I observed her.

She had her elbows propped up on the table with her hands folded. Her head rested perfectly on top of her wrists with her wand in between her elbows, pointing directly at me. I swallowed as I concluded that she was waiting for me to speak up.

"Fleur...I'm terribly sorry. I wasn't thinking while I was saying those things about you..."

When she didn't respond, or even move, I sighed and decided to continue on.

"But...I guess everything that wasn't an insult was entirely true."

Still no response. I really wasn't expecting everything to come out like this, but I didn't want her to fire me. I didn't want her to ignore my existence, because I wanted to be the one to do that to her first. I want her to notice me, to be grovelling at my feet...to love me. I don't need her to understand me. I just want her. She won't let me have her if I don't make her fall for me...and now was the time to make that happen.

"I'm so sorry, Fleur. Please forgive me...I'll do anything to show you that I mean it. I'm just so lost without..."

The short pause will make her think. She'll wonder...what is Hermione going to say? And when she finally hears it, along with the rest of my speech, I'll nail her to the bed.

"...you. I hate that I don't know how you feel about me. You know that I...am attracted to you. You know how frustrated I get when things don't go my way...and it just all started to build up while they were all drooling over you.

"I thought it was so disgusting, the way they did it behind your back. Never to your face. I guess I turned into them, but in my own way. I just let it all build over these years, and it finally got out just now. But I've also been frustrated because of the way you make me feel...

"You don't notice me crying out for you under this rage, do you...? I want you. I don't know who you've made me become, but sometimes, I like it. But there are times like just now that I'm scared of myself...I think I just need some help to tame this beast inside of me. This beast that needs you, Fleur. We need you."

I wasn't scared of myself; that was a downright lie. I love that I've grown the confidence to try to seduce even Fleur Delacour. She couldn't even say anything in response. I didn't think it would be wise to continue speaking, or allow myself to smile. I just tried to look uncomfortable as I waited for her to say something.

Instead...she scooped her wand in a fluid motion with her long fingernails, then slowly stood up. She carefully walked over to me and bent down beside me, and held out her hand. I swallowed on purpose and looked up at her with false fear as I took it.

She apparated with me, and I felt entirely too victorious in that split second I spent with her in the dark void. I guess my little leaks of information didn't screw up everything after all. If anything, it just gathered as a lake of confidence inside of me as I found myself in a bedroom with Fleur right beside me.

I got her.


	9. Late Puberty

_**IX. **__Late Puberty_

_(Fleur's POV)_

I don't even know what to think. What to do. What to say. What to believe.

My instincts were right; not my heart.

As soon as Hermione and I arrived in my dark bedroom, the first thing I did was rip her clothes off so that all she had on were undergarments. Black, hm? Interesting. And she was sneering at me as I did this. _Sneering. _I'm sure she thought I believed her excuses, but I didn't. I don't believe her. I couldn't even savor the moments I spent removing her clothes; I was that disgusted with her. Myself, too, no less...

I turned my back to her and removed my clothes as well. I knew she was staring. Drooling. _Sneering. _Such a twisted woman she is. I have no idea how being in love with me did this to her. None whatsoever. But I aim to find out before I can solve her problem.

I didn't want sex from her anymore. I didn't even want to be in the same room as her. All I did was lay on one side of the bed and turned my TV on. I glanced at her, then to the empty spot next to me, then back to my TV. I didn't want to even look at her, and it was all I could think of to refrain from letting my gaze linger on her body. I want her body. So much. But I don't want her. She's not one-night stand material; I have to see her at work. Funnily enough, I forgot this fact while I had made up my mind to bring her here...

I had to keep myself from showing any anger. I had to keep myself from gripping the remote, throwing the remote at the TV in rage, throwing the remote at _her _in rage...

And the best part was that my friends heard everything she said.

I called Gabrielle on my cell phone the moment I went back in my office after leaving Hermione's. I was supposed to bring Hermione over her house so that she could meet a few of my friends, and then we'd all go out for her birthday. But because she _completely _messed up, we had a change of plans. I had my phone on speaker while Hermione was in the conference room. My board promised that they'd do me this small favor.

Andre pretended to hit the mute button to get Hermione to spill her guts. She did indeed do so. Gabrielle, Giselle, Antoinette, and Dominique all heard her. Even George, Harry, and Ron were there. She has no idea that I had my phone hidden in between my hands while she was 'apologizing' to me just now. My cell phone slides open and closed, and it is very thin. And she has no idea that my phone is still on speaker, with the other line on mute. You can expect that everyone will have a few choice of words for her whenever I do decide to bring her around...

"Fleur?"

I tried to appear nonplussed and ignore her fake tiny voice as I flipped the channels. It was rather late, and there was nothing else on but porn. France isn't exactly afraid to show that type of entertainment. Hermione really must not have been aware of this, because her mouth fell open as I changed it to two women having sex. Out of the corner of my eye, I could literally see her gaping at the screen. She was losing it.

I was too mad at her to even focus on anything except for my equally angry thoughts. I was sure the others on the line were lost and confused, wondering if the moaning was coming from us or from the TV. But I was sure they'd figure out that I don't whine like a little girl and shout French obscenities when all my partner is doing is saying how good my inner thigh tastes. Of course the partner was indeed licking said thigh, but the others wouldn't know that.

Because I was calmly ignoring her all this time, she had no idea what to do. Make a move, or wait for Fleur to grovel at my feet for sex? But of course, the possibility that Fleur could see past my lies doesn't even exist! Because I'm _Hermione _and I'm so smart when it comes to everything, _especially _the art of seduction!

No, no, and no. Let's try again, Hermione...

"Wh-why are we...watching this?" She hadn't breathed in I don't know how long, and tears were streaming down the corners of her eyes. Hmph.

"No'zing else is on."

"This...wasn't what I had in..." She trailed off as one of them pretended to have an orgasm. I wasn't really affected for some reason or another.

"Well, you said you want me. I 'ave been sitting 'ere zis 'ole time, and you 'ave not done a zing. Zat makes me wonder 'ow brave and bold you _truly _are."

Her hips shook as the camera went in for a close-up. That frightened expression on her face was still there, save for a tense pair of lips.

"Did you really zink me to be some common 'ore? Did you _really _zink I'd be eating you out right now, or, even better, letting you eat _me, _when I never said or did any'zing zat told you I like you?"

My words hung in the air for a moment while her mouth snapped closed. That scowl came back, and she immediately threw herself from my bed while I busied myself with continuing to point the remote at the TV. I didn't care if she was angry; she had no right. I never did do anything to her that screamed in her ears that I liked her. What happened in her office at midnight today was negligible; she thought I was playing with her head. Apparently, I'm going to have to keep doing that to satisfy any of my carnal desires. She's not sensible enough to carry my heart...

"So you just brought me here on your own accord, with no intention of having sex with me?"

"Actually, I was supposed to be-"

"No, I don't even want to hear it. I can't _believe _you're so bored and cocky that you take pleasure in playing with my mind!"

I chose not to respond to that little ironic statement of hers. She groaned in frustration and placed her hands on the bed as she spoke up again.

"Goddamnit, Fleur! You _know_ I want you and you_ know_ it's killing me! Why are you doing this to me?"

Suddenly, the bright TV screen buzzing in my ears was much more entertaining than her tirade. I changed the channel again while she took to pacing in an angry circle, occasionally pulling at her hair and throwing her arms in the air as she spoke.

"You're still alive, are you not?" I asked airily, still staring at the TV. More lesbian porn. Hermione paused for a moment to gape at it, then went right back to yelling at me.

"Fleur, I've changed! You know that! I don't like what you've been doing to me, and-"

"You're ze one 'oo made ze conscious decision to go along wiz your late puberty."

"LATE PUBERTY?"

"Zere you go again. Testosterone is ra'zer dangerous, and tends to build up during ze pubescent-"

"Call it whatever you'd like. Fine. I don't care! I'll just make you pay for all of this!"

Just as I heard a knock at the door, I casually got up as soon as she tried to pounce me. I didn't bother putting on any clothes as I walked out to the empty hallway to my carpeted spiral staircase. Hermione was stomping after me.

"I'm not finished with you! Get back here!"

I stopped just as I got to the stairs and moved out of the way; this in turn made her collide with the railing and slide all the way downstairs. I shrugged and bit back a horrible fit of laughter as she hollered and shouted obscenities all the way down to the marble floor. That's what she gets for being such a whiny little sneak.

I gracefully stepped over her and made my way to the front door, but she finally found the strength to get up. She chased after me but stopped dead in her tracks just as I opened the door.

"'Ow wonderful it is to see you all again! We were just getting dressed," I told everyone at the door.

I opened it a bit more for them to come in, and they all stared at Hermione as they shuffled inside. I cleared my throat and pointed to the living room. They winced at me and went back to staring at Hermione's half naked figure as they went to go sit down. Harry and Ron were sniggering a bit, but everyone else appeared to be rather surprised still. In their own ways, of course.

Poor George was as red as his hair, while my sister and Antoinette were trying to keep from glaring at Hermione. Dominique and Giselle were both gripping their purses as if they wanted to smack her with them. Their purses were too expensive and chic to bother blemishing them with Hermione's spiteful essence. Her essence that smelled rather strong as she heaved at me, glaring her eyes out that I wouldn't let her have me. _And _I embarrassed her.

When they finally got settled in the living room, I pulled Hermione by her hair back upstairs. She was whining and threatening me to let go of her the whole time, but I didn't give a damn. When we got to the stairs, I made sure to take careful steps while instructing her accordingly.

"Now 'Ermione, make sure you do not 'it ze railing zis time. I am sure you 'ave ze common sense not to, but you showed zat maybe you still 'ave a zing or two to learn. And not just about ze laws of Physics."

"What are you talking about?" she snapped.

"Just because I am a blonde does not mean I am stupid. Ask Antoinette yourself when I introduce you to 'er."

"Stupid? When did I ever call you stupid?"

We reached my bedroom and I let go of her hair. A part of me didn't want to, but I honestly needed to bury this part deep under the ground for a little while. I turned to face her and practically pinned her to the wall as I watched the fear grow in her eyes. The light from the TV helped me see that it was real fear in her eyes. Not false. My false barriers to hide my anger with her began to slip as I tried to keep my tone level. Tried, and obviously failed.

"You call me stupid every time you zink I fall for your little plans. I 'ave dated plenty of men; I do believe I can tell when someone is lying to me. Verbally or o'zerwise. Do. Not. Underestimate me."

And this was where I made my first mistake.

I should have moved away from her. But the feel of her breasts under mine was maddening. I spent so much time gazing down at her, trying to bury my feelings away, that I didn't realize what she was doing to make that so hard for me. She moved her hand to the small of my back and brought me closer to her. Now, if I didn't like her this way, I should have pulled away. But I couldn't. She moved her other hand to my back and slid it inside my thong and I just. Couldn't. Move...anymore. I couldn't breathe...

She wasn't grinning. She wasn't sneering. Her expression was hard and vacant at the same time...just like I knew mine was. But she sure as hell learned something about me in the short time I let my defenses down.

She learned that she hurt my feelings earlier. Immensely. I couldn't help how my eyes teared up slightly as she rubbed her first hand on my back consolingly. But I'd never cry in front of her. No one has ever seen me cry since the Triwizard Tournament...and that was years ago. Back when I was foolish to let my guard down. Back when I had tried so hard to prove to myself that I loved Cedric.

I've always been in denial about my sexuality. But I knew, either way, a man or a woman was just as capable of breaking my heart. Just weeks ago, I had men in my bed every night up until I found Hermione. But even though I finally accepted that I can no longer tolerate men, I couldn't give in so easily to her, just because she was a woman. I knew better than to be so naive with my attraction and curiosity for her.

I had no idea what her true motives were...as she tried to kiss me. I would have let her had I not remembered how hard her words stomped over my heart. Had I not remembered the spite and hatred in her tone. I pulled away as I did with my feelings for her earlier. I removed her hands from behind me, not too fast or too slow. She gently scratched her fingernails up, and around, and up again as I finished relinquishing her lovesick hold on me. Her expression softened, but I wouldn't let her win. I'd never let her have me. Not like this.

I turned on my heel and walked over to my closet. I refused to blink in an effort to dry my eyes as I picked something out for her to wear. But it seemed that the harder I tried, the more I remembered the pangs I felt every time she uttered an insult. An assumption about me. Her denial. But here I was, lending her clothes out of my own closet to take her out for her birthday. I thought myself rather wishy-washy to be doing this. She knows I am attracted to her. My little slip up told her that much.

And the way she wrapped her arms around my waist told me again and again as I struggled to keep from crying. I couldn't do anything other than that as she led me over to our bed. Our bed? No! My bed. Our...? I was so confused. No one made me confused; I was the one who did the confusing... Hence the spark of Hermione's outburst. Hence her hesitation with me as she straddled my hips...

She kissed my neck softly as a way to wait to see what I would do. I still couldn't do anything; I just wanted to cry. Her lips did all but burn me as she kissed down to my shoulders. Her delicate hands brushed over the straps of my bra and pushed them down. My insides warmed up as she reached behind me to remove it. What happened to my resolve from earlier? Why did the feel of her skin against mine make my adamant attitude towards her dissolve like the hatred she once held in her eyes? Now she was holding my face gently as she moved to brush her lips against my eyelids...

"I'm sorry, Fleur. I'm so sorry..."

Her hands whispered down my hips and waist as they took my thong off with them. She kissed me as her hand explored the area she had just exposed. My body wanted to arch into her touch. My lips ached to be penetrated as she rubbed her hands down my shoulders and arms. She smiled at me as she spread my legs open and moved her head down. My hormones had blocked off all sense of reality, and all I could feel was every little sensation she was giving me. Every flick of her tongue, every bit of pressure from her lips...it broke her lies inside of me and made me think that I was the one who hurt my feelings. Not her. And the only way to mend them was to just let her do this to me.

I didn't know what was happening to me...it was like nothing had even changed to begin with. She was just another man I thought I was in love with. I might have been in love with her. I was. I am. But why can't I accept it?

Because she was eating away at my refusal? My defiance? Her mouth was giving me a form of release as I moaned softly, but I couldn't even believe her for a second. I didn't know what to believe. I felt like she was taking advantage of me, but any strength to wrestle the truth out of her evaporated like my shallow breaths in the night air.

I tried to remember some form of resistance. Control. But it wasn't coming. Nothing was.

Except for me.


	10. Lapses of Dancing Lose Control

_**X. **__Lapses of Dancing; Lose Control_

_(Fleur's POV)_

We all walked out to the cars after I finished introducing Hermione to my friends. I felt rather suffocated with her around, and I gave Gabrielle and Antoinette a look; they understood. Antoinette pulled Hermione over to her white Navigator despite her protesting, and Gabrielle, Dominique and Giselle went with them. I took George, Ron, and Harry in my Mercedes. My cell phone was on mute this time, and Gabrielle took the mute off from hers. After we all got settled, we started our cars and I followed Antoinette. She and the others didn't say where we were going, but I think our clothes said enough.

I was wearing a short red skirt, black stilettos, and a long-sleeved white blouse. Gabrielle suggested that I show plenty of cleavage for some reason, and I went along with it. Hermione, Gabrielle, and Antoinette were also wearing similar attire (Gabrielle joked and said Hermione should bleach her hair to match us completely). Why we were wearing this, I don't know yet.

The guys were wearing nice jeans and black dress shirts. Dominique and Giselle were looking fabulous as always, and chose to wear matching black BCBG trousers and white fitting shirts (they were twins). Though they had French names, they were actually beautiful Dominican _and _French women with slightly tanned skin. The only way we manage to tell them apart is by their hair; Dominique's hair is shoulder-length and blonde. Giselle's is longer and the same dark auburn color as Hermione's.

The guys were engaged in conversation during the ride, but I wasn't listening. It was like their voices had turned into that familiar buzzing somehow. Antoinette and Gabrielle were just talking normally to each other, with Dominique and Giselle chiming in occasionally. Since it was nothing I needed to listen in on, I just took it as an opportunity to think.

When Hermione stopped, she took a deep breath and lay on top of me for a while. She wasn't laughing or anything of the sort. I'm still not sure if it was a game or not. In fact, I'm almost scared that it was and I didn't realize it. But, really, I was starting to wonder about something else.

No one has ever made me feel this way. The only reason I try to push Hermione in the back of my mind sometimes is because I'm afraid of her. I'm not afraid of the way she makes me feel; I'm afraid of who she's become and how she managed to capture my attention. If anything, I should be giving her chance after chance to redeem herself. Right? Because I've realized that there's no sense in fighting against my attractions if, either way, she's on my mind all the time. Whether I'm pissed off at her, or if I just want to be with her, she's always there...

So why not just show her who I am, and let her in a little more? I'm trying to not let the sex get to my head, but I suppose really needed that from her. I honestly did... Probably more than she did.

We can work on that beast later on, I suppose. But why did I have the feeling this wasn't just any 'normal' obsession she had with me...?

"Hey Fleur, let's turn up the tunes, yeah?" George asked me. Harry and Ron were cuddling in the back; that was probably why he asked me.

"Oh. Go right a'ead."

He smiled at me and pushed some random buttons. Even though this is my car, all I know how to do is turn it on, drive it well, turn the heater on and off, and turn the car off. I've never been very good with Muggle things. It took me years to get over my fear of driving, but now it's actually rather relaxing.

"Hey! This is the remake of the song by that old Muggle band, The Beatles! Dad loves them. But this one sounds better. The girl's voice is awesome, and I love this simple guitar beat!"

"Oooh! Let's all sing along!" Homosexuality seems to have done Ron some good.

Harry, Ron, and George were beaming as they sang along to the song. I gripped my steering wheel uncomfortably as they did. But, of course, this song made me think of Hermione... I smiled a little at the connection.

"Yeaahh I'll, tell you somethin'... I think you'll understand. When I say that somethin'... I wanna hold your haaaaaand! I wanna hold your haaaannnddd. I wanna hold your hand..."

Apparently, the girls were listening to the song as well. They were all singing, but I knew Hermione wasn't. I heard Dominique or Giselle (I'm bad with twins, I swear) encourage Hermione to join them. I held back a laugh as Gabrielle poked fun at her silence.

"Oh pleaaaaseeee. Say to me you'll let me be yourrr mannn. And pleaaase say to meee...you'll let me hold your haaaaaanddd! Now let me hold your haaannndd. I wanna hold your hannnnddd..."

Antoinette laughed and asked Hermione if she was too busy thinking about me to sing along. Hermione sounded rather cute in her obvious denial, and shyly took it back a second after. Everyone just laughed. And, to my surprise, she started singing with only Antoinette for the rest of the song. My heart warmed up as I listened to them. To think Hermione was finally starting to love me in a non-creepy way was...lovely.

"And when I touch you I feel...happy. Inside. It's such a feeling that my love, I can't hide. I can't hide. I can't hide! Yeah, you! You got that somethin'. I think you'll underrrstand...when I feeelll that somethin'... I wanna hold your haaaaaannndddd! I wanna hold your haaaanddd. I wanna hold yourrrr haaaannddd. I wanna hold...yourrrrr haaand. I wanna hold...your hand..."

Everyone (including Hermione) laughed when it was over. The radio said the artist was Across the Universe, from America, and they'll be playing more American music from now on. I heard Antoinette and everyone else start to give Hermione _the talk _while the radio went to commercials. The guys listened intently as well.

"So Herm," Antoinette said. "Do you know why you're here with us and not with Fleur?"

"No..."

"Well, for one," Dominique (I think) said, "She seems a little off tonight. A bit sad, per'aps."

"Do you 'ave any idea as to why?" Gabrielle asked nicely. "My sister is one of ze strongest people I know. She never looks sad, so some'zing big 'ad to 'ave 'appened."

"Oui," Giselle said. "And if you were ze cause of it, you are damn lucky your face is still in tact. Fleur never puts up wiz any'zing of ze sort, and you are ze first she 'as been lenient wiz. She must really care about you."

They sat in silence for a while, waiting for Hermione to speak up. She knows that there was (technically) no possible way for them to know from me telling them, because she never left my side until now. If she lied to them, Antoinette was going to pull over and kick her out. If she told the truth, Antoinette was going to have something else happen... Her text just now wasn't very specific.

"Look Hermy, we're not gonna go all ballistic on you. We're her best friends and we're just looking out for her. It'd help if you give us specifics; maybe we can help you, too."

Hermione sighed and explained everything that happened, and left nothing out. Including the sex bit. I felt a bit nervous that they were making more progress with her than I have this entire month. Then she went on to explain what she was thinking.

"I know you all probably think I really am obsessed with her. The truth is, I don't even know how to answer that. While I was sitting in her office, I wasn't myself. I turned into some kind of cunning monster. I'm only like that when my frustration with her builds and builds until I don't know what to do with myself anymore."

"So, in o'zer words, you lose control over yourself when you zink Fleur does not return your feelings?" Gabrielle asked.

"Pretty much..."

"And now zat you know she does," Giselle said, "Will you stop torturing 'er?"

"You two should talk about zis as well," Dominique added. "Please, 'Ermione. She 'as not been out wiz us all monz, and we know she 'as been concerned over you."

"...alright."

I smiled my first genuine smile in a very long time. It was just a matter of finding out whether she was lying or not at this point...

* * *

When we parked and gathered to walk to the place my friends picked out, I noticed something odd going on. Giselle and Dominique pulled me ahead while Hermione and the others trailed behind us. I eyed the building strangely as we entered; it was a lesbian bar.

Now, I know my sister might have been gay. Antoinette and the twins didn't bother with dating men or women as far as I knew. Plus, I wasn't sure if men were even allowed inside. But sure enough, there were just as many men as women in the place, freaking to the loud American pop music.

The building was dimly-lit, and there were a plethora of fancy lights over by the bar. There were a good deal of attractive women on the bar, wearing suggestive clothing, dancing in unison for the large crowd throwing Francs at them. I looked behind me and saw that everyone else was gone, but Dominique and Giselle merely nudged me and kept walking.

They weren't smiling or doing anything suspicious. Then again, they worked as Aurors, so I assure you that they're good at keeping straight faces. That's probably why they were with me and not, say, Gabrielle. My sister was always giggling at these types of situations.

We ordered drinks (the bartender conveniently let us have them for free) and sat down on a couch that was attached to the wall on a quiet side of the bar. Dominique seemed to be on the look out for something on the other side of the building. Giselle shook her hair behind her and spoke up as we all sipped on our martinis.

_"So Fleur, are you wondering why Antoinette and your sister decided to bring you here?"_

_"The thought crossed my mind, yes. Along with why we're wearing these...outfits."_

_"Well, though it is Hermione's birthday, they want your new girlfriend to give you a present."_

_"Girlfriend? Giselle, have some sense. She's hardly my girlfriend."_

_"She will be once the night is over."_

_"What?"_

_"We know you love her to death. You would have been screaming your head off in your office. Or while she was trying to make a move on you in your room. But instead you gave into her."_

_"For one, I was quiet because she loves to see me angry. I knew I couldn't help my expression, hence her so-called confidence and false fear. And I gave into her because it was all I could do to..."_

_"To what?"_

_"To keep from crying."_

Dominique and Giselle widened their eyes at me; it was the most expression I'd ever seen on their faces in a while. I shrugged and sipped my drink while Dominique went back to her lookout and Giselle spoke up once more.

_"You're not sure if it was part of her scheme or not?"_

_"I'm not sure, no. It's bothering me a lot, too. But how am I supposed to tell if I don't give her a chance, you know?"_

_"Well, she's getting a lot of chances from you. I would have never thought you'd give up on your subtle anti-women act."_

_"She crept up on me, Giselle. I couldn't stop her."_

_"Maybe it's a sign... She really loves you. When Domi and I looked back at her outside, she was walking just like you. It didn't look forced, and that concerns me the most."_

_"You can't be serious."_

_"I am. While she was in Antoinette's truck, she was flicking her hair behind her shoulders, and laughing just like you. I could tell it wasn't forced, either."_

_"That's just...weird."_

_"Hmm, no. I'd take it as a compliment. Either that, or something happened in between the two years she spent obsessing over you. Ask her."_

I nodded and took one last sip of my drink. Dominique tapped me on the shoulder as Ron came over to us with a big smile on his freckled face. He motioned for me to follow him, but Giselle and Dominique didn't get up. I shrugged and went after him; I'm guessing this was my present.

* * *

Ron had led me over to the bar and instructed that I sit on it. The customers were all smiling at me and nodding in between conversation with their friends. I didn't get why I was to be sitting on the bar, but it didn't matter. I swiveled around and placed my hands behind me and bent my legs as I placed my feet on the bar as well.

Antoinette's smiling face appeared behind the bar, and everyone clapped and cheered loudly. I didn't know why, but she was holding a microphone. The lights in the bar had all turned off, and I couldn't see a thing. Once the cheering died down a little, Antoinette spoke up through the mic.

"Ready to see some good lovin' action?" What...?

"YEAH!"

"What was that?"

_**"YEAH!"**_

"Well allllllright then! It's a special someone's birthday today, and she's getting the chance of a lifetime tonight! Let's bring out the birthday girl!"

Everything was still dark as a song started playing. It began as a simple piano melody in a high octave with a breathy hymn over it. A drum beat went along to it while the same woman began singing over her repeating hymn. I honestly had no idea what was going on... I heard something near me, and as soon as I turned to face it, the lights turned on...

And there sat Hermione on the bar, facing me. She looked terrified as the crowd began cheering even louder.

"I think Fleur needs a little push, folks! What do you think?"

"YEAAHHH! LAP DANCE, LAP DANCE, LAP DANCE!"

They continued to chant that over and over again while I rolled my eyes and smiled at Hermione. She still looked horrified, and I saw her blush as I got down on all fours. The crowd stopped chanting and cheered even louder as I crawled over to her and put on a hard expression while I figured out how to do this. I knew it turned her on to see me serious or angry, so I'd just have to play the part...

It was her birthday after all...

A base and electric guitar began to play along to the woman's voice, and I pulled Hermione up by the collar a bit as I raised my breasts just above hers. We were both on our knees, and she wasn't breathing. The crowd cheering, and her cute horror, gave me some kind of drive I never knew I had. I suppose I just really had to _lose control_ like this woman singing about...

And I did just that.

I refused to let myself smile. I started swaying my hips back and forth, side to side, up and down...I grabbed her hands and pinned them to my waist as I continued. I made sure to scratch my fingernails across her hands continuously as I moved my head so close to hers that I could have kissed her. The fear and uncertainty never left her dark eyes as she took in every little thing I started doing to her.

I pushed my chest out to force her back down on the bar. She went willingly, but our breasts never touched. I moved my legs to either side of her while I continued grinding against her. I peeled her hands from my hips and placed them against the bar to support myself as I lifted my back up. I arched into her navel as I breathed down her neck, making sure to keep the pressure on her trembling hands. I just noticed that the crowd was throwing money at us, and some of it fell in between Hermione's shirt. I used my teeth to grab them and blow them aside, amidst Hermione's ever widening eyes.

I think she was sexier when she was confident. Hmm. Well, we have plenty of time to experiment...

My senses heightened as I took a little time to smell down Hermione's shirt. It smelled like...saline mixed with Chanel perfume. I inhaled it for a little while longer while I tried to pull my body away from her. I needed to change positions for a moment...

I turned around and bent my legs with my feet at either side of her. I swished my hips around her lap continuously while I held onto her legs. I dug my fingernails into her and I felt her jolt. I pushed my hips back as far as my body would allow, then returned. Back, and forward. I did this one last time before letting go of her legs and gripping my own ass as I went back.

I stood and raised my arms over my head after ruffling my hair up. I kept glaring down at her as I bent one knee and swished my hips the opposite way, then went in the other direction in time to the music. I felt all of my anger vanish as nervous beads of sweat dabbed her forehead. I lost all inhibitions as I placed my hands on my knees and bent all the way down, making sure to grind down against her lap a few times before sashaying my way back up. I did this again, gently lifting her up by her neck this time to keep her in a sitting position. Her legs erect in front of her were so stiff, though. Just like her shoulders, no less...

I placed my hands on her tense shoulders and moved one foot at the base of her back. I forced the other one right in between her legs, so that her legs finally parted. I bent down and sat down on her shoulder. Briefly. I eventually managed to bring my navel right in front of her face. I gently prodded her nose with my waist a few times before swishing it down in an infinity shape. I bent down some more and prodded her entire face with my breasts that time. I felt her nose in between them every time. I felt my earlier tension towards her waft through her wonderful nose and fill her up with the true realization of her mistakes in trying to court me.

Little did I know that I filled her up with something else, too.

I gently smacked her face and stood up, moving backwards a bit so that I could build more tension. The longer I stayed away, the longer I could stay closer to her.

I swished my hips from side to side as I spread my legs open as I bent down, swishing a long fingernail upwards in between them as her eyes widened in interest. She was panting. Like she was going to pounce me any minute. I swished that same fingernail seductively across my lips, then extended my arm out and did the same to her. She was up and on her feet faster than I could blink.

She rushed towards me and launched herself on me, grabbing my shoulders as we slid across the table, but my head didn't hit the bar. I liked it, even with all of the voyeurs. Their cheering filled my ears and I couldn't help but laugh as we slid through a few bottles of liquor. I teased her by pushing her off of me, then stepped over the broken glass. She rushed towards me again. Hungrily.

And I liked it.

She pounced me again, but before my back hit the bar, we were enshrouded by a blanket of darkness. And then another one covered us as she apparated with me to her bedroom by the looks of it.

I wanted to smile, but her smile was too strange. It was...thirsty. Mad. Unsatisfied. Almost...evil.

It was the same smile Lumi gave to her professor in _Les Amants du Flore. _

And somehow, something didn't feel right. Her hold on me was too powerful. Her breaths were too jagged. And her eyes were...almost out of focus. I felt a jolt of fear as I reached into the horizontal pocket of my skirt for my wand. I pointed it at her as best as I could, thinking of the only spell I knew to get her to let go of me. It worked.

She seemed to snap out of it as she noticed my fear. Her breaths returned to normal, but I already knew what was going on. I had an idea of how she grew so obsessed over me for these past two years. I noticed the apologetic look she was giving me, but I was too...scared. Too bewildered to even believe that it really happened.

"'Ermione...I zink you need to take a trip to ze...library. Tomorrow."

My breathing was rather heavy as I sat on her bed with her. She nodded to me and I looked down at the bed. I blinked furiously, trying to remember what Antoinette and my parents had told Gabrielle and I about this.

"Come and find me when you...zink you 'ave figured it out. I'll just...go now."

She gently placed a hand over my shoulder and kissed me briefly. I returned it somewhat as I apparated back to a safe area by the bar. I hurried to my car and drove home, hating that I couldn't just apparate my car back home. But something more than I could comprehend happened in the years she and I spent apart.

Times like these make me hate my own blood.


	11. Lozenge of Love

_**XI. **__Lozenge of Love_

_(Hermione's POV)_

The familiar smell of the old, crisp pages in this book was still as refreshing as the first. Even though it was the sixth multi-hundred paged book I sorted through that night, my resolve never wavered. My eyes absorbed every single word as acutely as they had done with the first page of the first book. I was determined not to stop until my notes were complete and, well, coherent. My notes so far were only about three hundred pages long, with the occasional reminder about what I was thinking at the time.

The librarian was obviously annoyed with me, and I really didn't feel like going back, so I checked out every book that I deemed useful and brought them back home with me. All eighty of them. I sat on the love seat in the living room all night going through the ones I didn't manage to get to that week. I haven't gone into work for the past month or so. Maybe a little more. But Fleur knows why.

I let her know when I returned her clothes some weeks ago. She thought it was sweet that I washed them for her and had them folded when I handed it to her, but I didn't dare let myself so much as look past her front door. She said my work would be taken care of for as long as it took for me to grasp it all. We're scheduled for a promo of the Blaire Project in Italy whenever I did. For some reason, we were going to be models for the runway. Not that I minded or anything, but I was feeling overly self-conscious about myself that I couldn't even relish the news. Fleur isn't really aware of what was happening to me, but I've slowly started to understand it myself.

After standing awkwardly outside her house for a moment, we said our goodbyes. We hadn't seen each other for a whole day up until then, and I just had to kiss her. She didn't seem to mind, but I'm not sure if she was just being polite. Or maybe she really wanted to kiss me as badly as I wanted to kiss her...

But now a month and a few weeks have passed, and I can literally feel my heart aching. It's eating itself from the inside out, and it's been hammering occasionally for the past two weeks. Harry and Ron wrote my side effects off to exhaustion, but they don't know what else is going on. I hadn't told them about my ever-aching breasts or my ever-throbbing clit. My hands were almost always shaking, and my mouth had to be moist at all times. My head pounds with the recollections of the last full day she and I spent together. The teasing, the office confession, the porn, the teary eyes, the sex, the lap dance... Especially the lap dance. I never felt so drugged and dizzy from doing absolutely nothing but watching a Veela dance for me. No one else in that bar was affected except for me. Harry and Ron have no idea what I'm really feeling. Not yet.

All they know is that I'm sick. In every sense of the word.

The other night, Harry shyly came in my room while I was hunched over three books simultaneously. He said that he and Ron have been worried to death over my health, and they wished I'd at least come out of my room more often. I'd only been out to get something to eat maybe three or four times a week. But the more I learned, the less and less my appetite returned. His genuine concern helped me come back to life a bit. He and Ron levitated my books down to the living room so now I study down here. They said they'd wait until I made sense of everything so that I could explain to them.

George still came to visit every week, but only Harry and Ron really kept him company. I did tell him all the changes I felt as I was going through them, and how much they scared me. I promised myself I'd explain to him when I figured everything out.

Sometimes, when I sat on the love seat while Harry and Ron were at "work" (they play for the Vannes Vectors), I'd feel her eyes on me. Ron made sure to raise the curtains to the wide window right across from the love seat; the same window I used to stare out and see Fleur's house to the right. It was like we switched roles, and now she was the one staring at me, wondering what to do. But I can't see her yet. I won't until I know what's going on. I've never taken this long to understand a concept, but this "disease" has such complex intricacies.

I sighed as the scratching of my quill filled my ears, along with a lonely empty buzz of the dim-lit living room. Coincidentally, Ron and Harry decided it would be a good time to come home from practice, and they smiled warmly as they placed their equipment in the closet by the door. I didn't look up at them; I was engrossed in making sure I jotted down an important tip about _distance..._

"Don't stay up too late, Hermione," Harry told me. I nodded vacantly while I moved on to the fifth to last book I checked out.

"Did you eat anything today?" Ron asked. I nodded again, pointing to the empty plate on the coffee table. He smiled and went to put it in the dishwasher.

"Good night then," Harry said. I mumbled something that sounded like good night while my shaking index finger rubbed across the page of the book, titled _C'est Bien: Vily du Veela Affecteux. _Needless to say, all of those snippets of French I'd learned over the years has finally evolved into my near complete understanding on the language over these past weeks.

Silence enveloped the room again aside from my scratching quill. My heart began to hammer again as I worked, but I knew it had nothing to do with my overdose of caffeine.

I chanced a glance up at the moon just over Fleur's house. The light wrapped around my eyes and dried them of my tears of exhaustion. Frustration. Disgust. I looked down to Fleur's window, but her room was dark. She wasn't watching me. I sighed and went back to work.

* * *

By the time I got through all of the books, finished my notes, then took a day to look over them, I let my exhaustion take over. Another week had passed, and I couldn't even feel my head on top of my neck anymore. The sun had just gone down, and Harry and Ron were at practice again. I pushed everything off from the love seat and lay down, placing my wrist over my forehead as I sighed. My eyeballs felt like they were about to crack open. If not, then my finger and chin would never stop shaking. My heart was still pounding in my chest, and my other sex deprivation side-effects were worse than ever.

I could have sworn I felt her eyes on me again as I closed my own. My eyelids burned as they allowed my eyes to become wrapped in the moisture of my tears for the first time in a while. I wanted her to come over here...I finished my notes.

I finished understanding what she did to me as I let my dreams take over once again...

I was looking at myself in a full-body mirror in a pale blue room. I felt like I was inside of my body, but without those strange sensations. The only thing I felt was hatred. And that's because I wasn't seeing _me _in the mirror. Not exactly. My hair was silvery blonde, my eyes were thin blue slits, and I had a hard jaw line. My hands were burning for some reason. I was still the same height, though...

I just wasn't wearing anything.

I stepped closer to the mirror and caressed my face. I let my hand stay on my face for a while, and when I took it off, it left a burn mark. But that turned me on. It should have scared me, but all I wanted was for someone to take care of my longings right then. I felt my hands turn into claws. My mouth and nose turned into a beak. Feathers began to sprout from my body. Anyone watching me would have been horrified, but all I felt was my sex drive heighten more and more as I observed myself.

Then I saw the real me next to myself. The other me actually looked normal, and also wasn't wearing anything. She was taller. Her eyes were filled with fear as we looked at ourselves in the mirror. More distance began to grow in between us, and my drive kept growing more and more and more...until I couldn't take it anymore.

I screamed and ripped at my hair. Everything else faded to black...

* * *

My breaths were shallow when I finally woke up. My side-effects hadn't left me, and I groaned as I tossed to my side and balled my hands up. The sun was up, and I winced as I let my eyes slowly take in the sunlight. I didn't even know what day it was, but it must have been Saturday. George was watching me, and Ron was organizing my books and notes. My nose finally started to work properly, and I could smell food from the kitchen. Harry must have been cooking.

"Afternoon," George said warmly. I smiled at him and stretched for a moment, then sat up. Ron sat next to me and put his arm around my shoulders.

"Hermione, um..."

"What?"

"You've developed a...strange habit while you sleep."

"And just what would that be?"

He pointed to my hands. I looked at them, but they didn't seem any different. I felt something under my fingernails, though...

"Why don't you go wash up and come back here and eat?" George suggested. He and Ron didn't look weirded out or anything.

"Sure..."

Ron smiled at me one last time and let go of me as I got up and went upstairs to my room. I picked out some clean clothes and went in the bathroom. A cold shower was sounding pretty appealing to me right then, so I turned on the taps and hopped in after undressing.

Before I reached for my soap, I smelled my hands. They smelled like...something. I wasn't sure. My stomach churned nervously as I realized how soaked I was in between my legs before I got in the shower. I frowned as I felt myself blush. This couldn't be happening...

I hesitantly moved my hand down. I was still throbbing. After I couldn't stand feeling myself anymore, I moved my hand back to my nose. The smell down there was the same scent my fingers had just now. I watched as the beads of water made the liquid slick down my fingers then slowly disappear.

Everything I read over the weeks started to attack my head and my hormones. I didn't let everything sink in yet because I buried myself in my studies. And now that I was done...all of my fears began to resurface. I couldn't even concentrate on lathering myself anymore; I just turned the water and got out. I needed to look over my notes and explain to the guys what was happening to me...

I'm honestly scared of myself right now. And this time, no; it's not a downright lie.

* * *

After I went back downstairs to eat with George, Harry, and Ron, they waited patiently for me to explain what was going on. I noticed that George had his cell phone open for some reason or another, but I didn't let it bother me.

Even though I had pages and pages about what I read about, I managed to compose a very simple outline of everything in just one page. Everything I took notes on were behavioral habits and things I needed to know about Fleur. You know...how to turn her on, how to make her angry, and how to make her cry...

I needed to do all three of those things. Needless to say, I have. Hence why she and I are somewhat okay now.

"Well...like I told you before, I am...sick. I'm okay now, despite how...for lack of a better word, _horny_, I am right now...I'm fine. But that's because Fleur's not here, and all of this information's literally scared some sense into me."

"Sooo, if you stay with Fleur for too long, you'll start to get loopy again?" Ron asked.

"Pretty much, yes. But if I don't see her, then I'll be worse off," I said, lifting up my shaking hand. They nodded gravely.

"So what all did you research for these past couple of months?" George asked.

I licked the outer rim of my teeth as I reached over to my pile of notes. I handed them the paper and waited for them to read it to themselves. I was nervous still, but I couldn't get through this alone.

_The recipient loses her sense of self._

_The recipient becomes consumed by her desire to infuriate the Veela, despite however necessary that anger needs to come out._

_If she is not truly in love with the Veela, the sickness will eat away at the mind and soul until she is forced to realize her folly._

_Death does not affect her._

_Ambition and cunning to achieve any goal, whether it is to obtain the Veela's affection or otherwise, will overtake her common sense._

_Imitation through the subconscience is her only way to understand the Veela's way of life._

_The need to create distance through anger is the best way to build sexual tension of both the recipient and the Veela. _

_The sexual tension can only be released safely if the Veela lets go of her shield; her Lozenge._

_The Lozenge cannot be broken while the Veela is angry, but cannot be created if she is calm._

_The Lozenge cannot be created if the Veela knows the true intentions of her partner._

_The Lozenge creates turbulence and harmony between the Veela and her recipient._

_But if the Veela inadvertently chose her recipient while their Lozenge is down, there will be drastic consequences._

_The sickness will turn into an obsession. The obsession will turn into anger. The anger will turn into love._

_To avoid this, the Veela would be wise to be promiscuous to satisfy her sexual drive. The Veela would also be wise to avoid mistakingly angering women while they are crying._

_The shedding of tears, or the desire to cry, is the only way to break the Lozenge. _

_The recipient may grow angry with the Veela's chauvinism to avoid women at all costs; it is their inherent defense mechanism to protect the women they care about. Not showing sympathy to women that hate them, even though they may want to be sympathetic, is natural._

_Only when the recipient realizes that the Veela is avoiding her for these reasons will they be safe to test the Veela's anger._

_Transformation and infuriation; rip the locks from her gorgeous hair. Test her love for you; her will to live for you._

_While it may be fun to get her angry, do not forget - your sexual drive cannot be safely relieved with the presence of her Lozenge. _

_The end of everything or the beginning of anything will be in your hands._

_Balance turbulence and harmony. Balance hatred and sex. Balance bliss and tears. Balance love and life._

_Balance life and death._

I swallowed and placed the paper on my lap with shaking hands. My stomach began to hitch as I inhaled, and I leaned all the way back in the recliner. I buried my face in my hands while I waited for one of them to say something. Anything.

"Fleur...doesn't know about this, does she?" Harry asked after a few moments. I shook my head as a no.

"Hermione...she didn't do it purpose, did she? That's the inadvertent part, right?" I merely shrugged, still refusing to remove my hands from my face.

"You need her right now...your...Lozenge is down," George said. I nodded weakly as I felt tears sting my eyes. I could tell that they were all looking at me sympathetically, and I hated it.

"I never...never...asked for this." My voice shook with my efforts to keep from crying, but I continued on. "She can't know. D-don't t-tell her...I will."

"But Her-"

"NO HARRY!" I finally let myself cry as I slammed my arms down on my lap. The way they all shook in fear just made me even more upset. "I knew something was wrong with me from day one! Who was I to become so _f-fucking_ obsessed over her, when all she d-did was b-bump into me while I was crying? You _know _me, I would have _never _put so m-much effort into growing as conniving and cunning as she is!

"And you know what the best part is? She was probably playing me for a f-fool this whole time! Promiscuous my ass! Why the hell would Fleur get up one day and decide to stop being such a whore, just because I'm suddenly back in her life-"

"Whoa, whoa! Calm down-"

"Calm down, Ron? CALM DOWN? Look at me! Bloody look at me and tell me that I'm n-normal! I don't even look like Hermione anymore! You know who I look like? FLEUR! And do you know why? Because I couldn't help it, and she p-probably just wants to get a kick out of seeing herself in the mirror every time she decides to lay her big, _beautiful _eyes on me!

"Who the hell am I? My cat DIED a few months ago and I didn't care! I pissed Harry and Ron off with my secret crush on Fleur and I didn't care! AND I almost made Fleur cry on my damn birthday, and I TOOK ADVANTAGE OF HER because** I DIDN'T **_**CARE!**_"

Harry and Ron rushed over to me while I started pulling at my hair. I struggled against them and kept crying. George hung up his phone and had to help keep me down while I thrashed around in the damn recliner. My heart was beating too fast and my head was becoming lightheaded from too much blood rushing to it. My face was red and soaked with tears that wouldn't stop falling as my heart kept aching and aching for the woman I needed but wished I didn't want to have. I yelled at the top of my lungs one last time to make myself clear...

"I might DIE from this! SHE might die from this! But OHHH DEATH DOES NOT AFFECT THE RECIPIENT! Then just let her die! I'm scared, damnit! D-do y-you hear me? I'm SCARED of her! I hate this! I hate her! This so-called love I have for her just came and snuck up on me! She's practically a stranger to me, but she's always and forever in my dreams!

"I'm falling in love with her more and more, even though I hate her to bits! I can't even recall the last time I've thought with a sane mind... I just..."

I stopped thrashing around after they all wrapped their arms around me. I cried on George's shoulder, and I could have sworn I heard Harry crying, too. George and Ron were trembling. How could I do this to them? What the hell was wrong with me, and why could I no longer see the answers to everything as clearly as I could before? I always had the answers to everything, even if all I had to do was consult a few books. But all those books did was tell me what I didn't want to hear - an intangible and non fool-proof plan to save myself...

Being held down by my best friends shouldn't have been necessary. I had more sense than that...somewhere. Somewhere deep inside. Somewhere I can't reach because I'd rather reach down Fleur's pants more than anything...

Who am I...?

"I just don't know what to do..."


	12. Loopholes

_**XII. **__Loopholes_

_(Fleur's POV)_

Hermione and I walked to the portkey together a week after she decided to come back to work. All she did was step into my office and look at my phone, and not me, then she walked right back out. I knew what was wrong with her, and she didn't seem very happy about it.

The walk was silent. I was torn between affection and fear with her. She just looked so angry, and I hated it. There was no way she was going to tell me what was wrong with her any time soon, but I had a general idea.

Antoinette and Gabrielle work together at the Ministry in the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. I am a quarter of a magical creature, as is Gabrielle. Antoinette is a Muggleborn, and she is very perceptive and intelligent like Hermione. When I told her about Hermione's behavioral problems over the phone months ago, she and Gabrielle started doing a little research.

When they asked me to meet them at the library a few days before Hermione's...tantrum...I didn't know what to expect. I was still consumed with a bit of fear from Hermione's reaction to the lap dance, and I had a vague idea of what was going on. I thought it was completely my fault for letting my thrall slip through the dance, but it really didn't at all. Not exactly. It was a special kind of thrall that only worked on Hermione.

When I arrived, they sat down with me at a table. There was one very small book in between us while they looked at me gravely.

_"This was the only book Hermione didn't manage to check out,"_ Antoinette told me in French. She never speaks in French when she can help it, and she only does when she's either upset or scared in some way.

_"The librarian said there was a woman who checked out nearly eighty books just on Veelas alone; we're sure it was Hermione. But this one was already checked out to someone and they returned it today," _Gabrielle said. She passed the book to me and I read the cover.

_"Morte et Amour du Vily. Vily meaning Veela, yes?"_

_"Yes. It explains in very little what most books about our powers leave out. While a lot of them only talk about how our thrall only affects men, this one says we're able to channel our thrall into something else. Something else meaning our sympathy."_

_"Sympathy?"_

_"Read the book, Fleur. I don't think Hermione knows the whole truth, but that book doesn't outright say what the biggest hole is with every other piece of information out there."_

_"I see..."_

It didn't take me very long to finish it. I called George and explained that he should be very calm about Hermione's changes. He promised to tell Harry and Ron as well. But that day Hermione threw her fit, I called George again and asked him to leave his phone on speaker. Could you blame me? I just wanted to hear her voice... Her voice that scratched away at my heart but still made me bleed with love and my thousand apologies for her...

So now she hates me even more for doing nothing except caring for her. She hates me because of an event that I had absolutely no control over.

Though, it did bring us closer. It ripped her emotions and psyche in two, but we're still close... And so very far apart at the same time. It's maddening to think that I still have to suffer the consequences of how I was years ago. Hermione hated who I was, only because she knew I was capable of being above all of that. She knew I slept around even though I was married to Bill. She knew I didn't love him.

But she had no idea that I only acted like a whore because I was in denial about myself. Now it's all caught up to me. I've found the woman that I love, but she hates me because I made her find me, too. I know in my heart that somewhere deep inside, she knows who she is. She's scared of herself...

She's scared of me. And I know it will be a long time before she'll trust me at all... So now I just have to either let myself suffer the wrath of her fury and degrade myself for her satisfaction. Or I have to be stubborn and fight against it, and make her believe that she can't rule me with fear.

* * *

When we arrived in the general area of the runway in Florence, it was extremely late. There were hundreds of wizards milling about, trying to find their designated areas. The Muggles who I contacted were all staying in hotels. Because I had to keep pushing back time to allow for Hermione's break, more and more people kept telling me they'd be delighted to come. It was packed, but I still managed to get a nice spot by a river in a secluded area. Hermione stared at our surroundings as I used my wand to reveal our tent of sorts.

She went in after me and took a moment to take in how we suddenly appeared in a large manor similar to mine, except it was only one story. I was about to lead her to the bedroom, but she instead decided that sleeping on the couch would be best as she placed her things down next to it. She used her wand to tie her wrists for some reason, then conjured a pillow and blanket and knocked out immediately.

I sighed and went to the bedroom. I didn't close the door or change my clothes. I just placed my bags down and removed my shoes after I found that book again. I crawled into bed and sat in the dark as I held the book in my hands and mulled over everything again.

Hermione is sick. I made her sick. It's very similar to how one's immune system is down when they are crying, and are more susceptible to catching a cold. But crying also offers a form of release. It's something of a catharsis.

When I bumped into her that day, I knew my thrall was going off; I was upset at Bill for being upset over me cheating on him. I didn't care about what _he _was feeling; it was all about me. So when Hermione's immune system was down, naturally I lured her in. But not in the typical way I practiced seducing men with my thrall; no, not in the least.

There's a silly superstition going around that everyone who knows how to perform magic has something called a Lozenge. Veelas are known to make good use of them because we are able to manipulate peoples' emotions. While it is very rare, men are able to resist my thrall, so people typically go with the assumption that only women can have this bond with a Veela.

Hermione is the so-called 'recipient' of my emotions. Our Lozenge is something of a shield of common sense, or resistance. We will only let that shield down when we're in a situation similar to how I drew her in. Again, the general assumption is that we will only let it go when we're crying. But if we love each other enough, we can let go of it completely and rid the hatred we have for one another. It's said to create turbulence between us because we won't ever want to let it go. Fear, anger, hatred, anxiety - Hermione uses these excuses to not accept her love for me.

She couldn't get out of loving me even if she wanted to. I should have known something like this was going on that night when I first saw her in the parking lot. She subconsciously imitates me sometimes because she is so fascinated to find out what she sees in me. She's too blinded by her hatred to let herself see anything but what she wants to see. It's why I asked for us to be the lead models for this runway; I want to see how fast she'll pick up my tips and style.

Naturally, I am attracted to people who are very similar to me but vastly different to the point where I can do nothing but wonder and wonder about them. I don't like it when I can tell that Hermione is trying to make me angry. Hermione can't break my Lozenge of resistance to her when I know her intentions. My Lozenge has also grown to be something of my denial about women in general; it's an inherent homophobic tendency I have, because I've always been afraid of commitment. Hermione knows it, too. I know she does.

When I fell in love with her, I began to realize all of my faults and how wrong I was to treat men the way I did. I had a tendency to gather a large group of hate fans among women because I always innately treated them with disrespect. I was afraid to show them any sympathy because I knew I wouldn't be able to resist my true feelings from coming out. If they did, in some subtle form or another as they did with Hermione, this is what would happen. It wouldn't happen as long as they weren't upset or anything, but I always made myself believe that I was cynical and dismissive about everything to piss women off. I didn't want to take any chances and break their Lozenge.

Hermione is diseased with an obsession over why she fell in love with me, and why she was foolish enough to let her Lozenge down. She'll do everything in her power to test that my love for her is genuine. This involves making me angry beyond belief, and then making herself believe that she has the upper hand when I finally give into her. Because I am only a quarter Veela, she will still be able to come to her senses if I help her along. If I were pure-blooded, or if she never lets herself give into me, something bad can happen. The book didn't say.

How can I tell what her intentions are? I can't. I just have to learn how to read her. Will I ever be able to move on without her? No. Because the longer she stays away from me, the more her sexual drive builds, and the more she'll want to run me over with it no matter where I go. So I'm stuck with her. It may be best to just let her run her course until we're both so angry with each other that we need to have sex.

Then the whole loop starts all over again unless she finally lets her negative feelings go during sex... I just wonder how long that will take.

* * *

The next day, I woke up to an empty tent. Hermione was gone, but I know I heard her moaning in the middle of the night. I really didn't know what to do, so I just lay in my bed as the sound of her whines turned me on. You have no idea how much I wanted to go take care of her right then, but I couldn't.

We technically had the day off, as the preparations for everything didn't start until tomorrow evening. I had no means of finding her unless I called Harry, Ron, or George and asked for her cell phone number. I'm not good with expressing myself over the phone, even if it was just a simple question of where she was. I sighed and decided to shower and change clothes; a walk was sounding very appealing to me at the moment.

* * *

Once I left, my eyes glanced over to the lake. I saw a teenage boy sitting on the grass. He seemed to be crying by the looks of it. Naturally, I told myself to stay away. But I knew I couldn't; I honestly wasn't as cold-hearted as I used to be years ago. I went over to him and stood a step away from him as he looked up at me. He narrowed his eyes and scoffed at me.

"What, are you going to give me your sympathy, too? Damn women and your feelings. Leave me alone."

"'Too'? 'Oo are you talking about?"

"Some woman came stomping all over me for crying, when I never even said shit to her! She told me to man up and stop before someone decided to take advantage of me. Are you gonna take advantage of me? I'm sure you are, so just get the hell away from me."

I knew it had to be Hermione.

"Why are you crying?"

"None of your business, woman. Beat it."

"You're still crying and giving me your attention, so I don't zink I will."

I sighed and sat down next to him. He turned his nose up at me and wiped his face as he turned to look at the river again. Again, I wasn't very good at these types of things. Gabrielle and the rest of my friends were strong; they never let anything upset them to the point of tears. But Hermione could do that to me, and it scared them that they didn't know what to do. I decided to give this a try with a stubborn stranger, because I knew it would eventually be Hermione next to me one day. I was willing to change for a chance to help her change back to who she once was.

"Well? What 'appened?"

"Why do you care?"

"Because I made ze mistake of pretending not to care when someone I knew was crying. I'm not going to make zat mistake again, even if I don't know 'oo you are."

He sniffled one last time and wiped his face stubbornly. After running a hand through his brown hair, he sighed. His blue eyes were still glistening with tears, and he seemed to want to tell me. I was...proud of myself, I suppose.

"This other girl thought it would be fun to ruin my life. She knows I don't like girls, see. They disgust me. They're all so manipulative and sex-driven. Every time I try to just be nice to a girl, she thinks I have some hidden agenda when I really don't.

"So the girl told my family that I'm gay, and they kicked me out. Didn't let me bring any of my shit with me, they cut off my money, and they won't pay for my college. I'm about to graduate from high school in a few months, and I got into the best college in Italy. Now I can't go because of this bitch.

"Isn't it funny how women do that? They're so cynical and deranged, so they assume everyone's out to get them? They can't even take a smile and a friendly gesture seriously. They all think that just because a bunch of other guys screwed them over that I'm gonna do the same thing. And according to her, I did.

"Why do you all assume that people gotta have some secret motives if we're truly being nice? Even if I did tell her that I didn't have anything up my sleeve, she wouldn't believe me. I hate that."

"Just like you assumed I 'ad a 'idden motive just for being a woman?"

"I guess..."

"Well...ah, we never even introduced ourselves. I am Fleur Delacour."

"Squall."

"Do you 'ave a last name, Squall?"

"Not anymore. I refuse to associate myself with that family."

"I see...but I completely understand why zat girl acted ze way she did. It is quite possible that she was just scared of you."

"_Scared _of me? I never even did anything to her except, oh I don't know, every nice thing in the book?"

"I'm sure she loves you, actually. She was just blinded wiz rage because you don't love 'er back. Sometimes we get caught up in what we know about 'ow a person should act based on previous experiences zat we put zat same picture on everyone else we meet."

"Hmph. Sounds like you have the same problem as me."

"I do. Zat same woman 'oo stomped over you is in love wiz me, and I love 'er. But she can't accept it because she's scared. It's not ze matter of 'er 'aving unrequited love anymore like it was before. But now zat she knows I love 'er, and what it's doing to 'er, she 'ates me even more."

"What? A pair of pretty women like you are lesbians?"

"You are quite ze 'andsome young man and you are gay. I don't see ze difference."

"Ehh, sorry. Stupid stereotype. Besides, all Italian guys are gay."

"Oh? Why is zat?"

Squall licked his finger and ran his hand down my boot and actually smiled. I laughed at his insight.

"It's 'cause the country's shaped like a thigh-high boot."

"Zat is an interesting way of putting zings."

"Heh...yeah. But what is your love doing to her? Making her act like a bitch?"

"Essentially, yes."

"Oh. Um, you might hate me for saying this so late, but that woman never really left."

"What?"

"She's sulking down there."

Squall pointed to a small cliff that was just above the riverbank. I stood up and found Hermione sitting there; she was listening to us the entire time. She was curled up and had her arms wrapped around her legs; it looked like she was crying, too. Suddenly, everything I learned from speaking to Squall vanished. I couldn't be angry with her; I was the one who used my phone to let my friends spy on our conversations. I looked back to Squall and he smiled at me.

"You're going to be in that runway tomorrow? For the Blaire Project from France?"

"Oui."

"I've heard about you, and I do adore your work... I'll just leave you alone now. We can talk later, yeah?"

"Of course."

He smiled at me one last time and mouthed a 'Thank you' before apparating away. I stepped down the cliff and stood next to Hermione for a moment and watched her cry. Her wrists had red lines around them, probably from resisting the ties in her sleep. I decided to sit down next to her on the grass, but diverted my gaze away. I could tell she wanted me there, or she would have left.

"I take it you 'eard every'zing we said."

She bit her lip and glared at the river. I know I was stating the obvious, but I wasn't really sure what else to say. But that was just silly.

"'Ermione, please. I 'ave no reason to trick you or play wiz your mind. I 'ave changed. You 'elped wiz zat."

When she didn't say anything, I chose to continue on.

"From ze moment I began to realize zat you changed yourself for me, I was scared. I knew you were serious wiz your feelings, no matter 'ow much you want to deny zem. Your resolve made me realize zat I should never ever 'urt you. I would never do zat to you on purpose.

"Zis 'ole zing wiz ze Lozenge scares you. I know it does. But if you just let yourself accept zat I am not going to take advantage of you...maybe it will no longer plague you. I just need you to accept it on your own; no matter what I do, you are going to zink zat I 'ave a 'idden agenda. Zat is natural."

Hermione turned to face me, but she was still glaring. Her eyes were dry, at least. We stared at each other for a long time, but I didn't dare show her that I was hurt by her expression. I refused to let her rule me with fear. She did it once, and she was not going to get away with it a second time.

But I couldn't give into her. She had to genuinely prove to me that she changed back. I needed to hear the truth from her lips before I did anything else to her.

No matter how much my nether regions ached and throbbed to have her relieve me, I couldn't do it. I knew she wanted the same thing; hell, I could smell her. We Veela are very keen to that scent. But I still had to let myself be torn between desire and my stubborn attitude. It was for the best...

But it's just so hard to keep thinking that when the object of your desire is staring at you with an intensity you'd never seen before... An intensity of lust or anger; which one it was, I didn't know. But it was turning me on. Just a tad. A tad too much...

Damn her...


	13. Lips of Green, White, and Red

A/N

I like making mundane things sexy. I find it fun for some reason. And Hermione is a lucky bitch in this chapter, more so than normal. Let me tell you...

_**XIII. **__Lips of Green, White, and Red_

_(Hermione's POV)_

The next day, Fleur suggested that we go to some place for the afternoon. A fruit shop, apparently. It wasn't that far from the river, so we just walked there after checking in with the runway staff. They said we had to be back by six. I was still off from the time change, and I just went back in the tent to sleep after Fleur found me by the cliff yesterday.

I didn't say anything the whole time while we walked. But I did notice something going on with Fleur. I sure as hell did...

Every time a good-looking guy passed by, she'd smile at him. The guy would ogle and smile right back, and he'd ignore me completely. Some ran into poles while this happened. Some tripped on their own feet. Some had a visible erection. All of their eyes went out of focus while they lost track of what it was they were doing at the time.

I don't know if she was doing it on purpose or not. I don't know if she was doing it to make me jealous or piss me off. Her motives seemed too ambiguous to me; she was just telling me twenty-four hours ago that she changed herself for me.

But there was something about the way she smiled at them. It looked kind of forced; almost half-hearted. I don't know...maybe she was just being polite. Maybe she was doing it so my mind would be reeling over why she was doing it, then come to some simple conclusion that she was testing my trust for her...

Apparently, that might have been the case. Because as soon as one of the guys found the gall to approach her, she held my hand and turned her nose up after she made us hurry away. Hmm...

* * *

Fleur told me to sit at our table for two while she ordered something. I didn't know she knew Italian. But that's not the point; this place was filled with straight couples, and they were all talking in hushed voices and smirking at one another over a bowl of fruit. I narrowed my eyes to hide my discomfort as I watched Fleur order whatever she was getting for us.

The heel of her copper brown leather boots kept clicking against the marble floor. Her baggy black pants she stuck down her thigh-high boots kept shifting while she moved her slender leg from side to side. She had her hands clasped behind her back with her long ass fingernails playing with the loops of her silver metal belt. It was like a chain, almost. A kind of chain that I wanted to constrict around her damn hips that looked like they were swaying from side to side. Her white cashmere shirt fit her too well. Her curves were too apparent. Doesn't help that it was a V-neck, either.

I saw her smirk as her blue eye glanced over for a split second and saw me staring. I choked up and decided that scowling at the wall next to me was a better way to spend my time.

She said she wanted to have a _talk _with me today. I don't know what the hell she wanted to talk about, though. What else was there to say? She obviously did a little research on this disease she gave me. I don't really trust her, though. Even though she sounded genuine while she was talking to Squall, I've learned to always be wary about her...

"'Ermione."

I darted my eyes in front of me and found her sitting across from me. The table wasn't very large, and we were sitting on stools. There was a large plate of fruit in between us. There was whipped cream and chocolate wrapped around every slice of strawberry, seedless watermelon, peach, and white nectarine.

There were no forks.

My head felt fuzzy as I watched her long fingernails pick up a slice of watermelon. I didn't see what she did with it, because my eyes were still focused on that general vicinity of the plate; her cleavage was right there. I watched it move up and down with her timed breaths; I watched it inch closer to me as she stuck it out and placed her elbows on the table. I told myself to breathe as I sighed and tried to speak up. Diverting my eyes away seemed a little hard at the moment.. One step at a time...

"What did you want to...talk about?"

"Eat some'zing first."

I clenched my jaw and went straight for whatever I could reach. I picked up the slice and watched her eyes as I _slowly _brought it to my mouth and swallowed it. I noticed the way her eyesight stayed locked on the damn peach. I saw how she watched it slither down my throat. I had to keep from blushing as her pupils widened as she momentarily locked her gaze on my chest before slowly drawing a path back up to my eyes. Her eyes flashed at me before she spoke up again, and she successfully made my stomach churn with warmth.

Bitch...

"I know you do not trust me. I know you would give any'zing to not feel ze way you do about me. But I would like to ask a favor of you."

I quickly grabbed another slice to eat and buy some time. She did the same thing as last time as I ate it. The exact same thing. Except this time after she went back to my eyes, she saw me blush. I noticed her comb her nails through the back of her hair and fan herself with it as she cleared her throat.

Was she seriously turned on by that?

"Test me, 'Ermione. I do not know if you will fall into ze cycle of enjoying ze tests. I am giving you permission now to make me furious. Make me aroused. Make me love you when it is all over, and give yourself ze chance for complete release."

I held my breath once she said the word 'aroused.' Why did I do that...? Was she really giving me permission to piss her off and get sex afterwards? Maybe that explains why I suddenly need to cross my legs... But why were my eyes tearing up from me not breathing?

And why the hell was a blush grazing her perfect face?

"Test you how?"

"You can be as coquettish as I myself am. I 'ave no doubts about zat. I want you to flirt wiz me. Tease me. Kiss me. Touch me. Satisfy me. Whenever you feel ze need. I might get embarrassed, but I want you to do it anyway. I might get angry, but I want you to laugh at me. I want you to enjoy it."

It was much too warm in the room all of a sudden. My hands started shaking and I just had to get another slice. But she beat me to the plate; I retracted my hand away. She noticed it was shaking as she picked a piece of strawberry up with two of her nails. She glared at me and shot a syringe of nerves in my stomach as she held it out in front of her for a moment. I licked my lips, and found myself wanting something so vile. So atrocious. So..._desperate._

I wanted her to feed me.

But she didn't. She stuck her tongue out and curled it around the strawberry and chewed it with a slow rhythm. Her heart-shaped lips were a little wet, and she took the opportunity to stick the tip of her tongue out and take care of that. She watched me watch her. She was blushing a bit as she swallowed and reached for another piece.

I still wanted her to feed me.

Another fruit. Another chance. Still nothing. I couldn't help grinding my teeth in my mouth; it was so frustrating. She ate more than half the plate while she watched me watch her. My eyes kept roaming all over. I memorized the way her wrist would twirl her palm face up as she placed the fruit in her mouth. I relished the way she'd trap her victims in between the nails of her thumb and index finger, then let them go in her mouth like a crane...

I knew my hard gaze was screaming on every inch of her body that I scanned to _feed me..._

She still didn't. Damn, how I wanted to be that white nectarine she was eating. I wanted her to pick at me with her long nails and scoop me up with her soft hand. I wanted to be the one that was in her mouth, reveling in the warmth she was giving me, the moisture, and those teeth...

That perfect set of teeth chewing me up and swallowing me whole...

My chest started rising and falling faster than normal. I kept licking my lips every ten seconds. My throat was dry. I was throbbing incessantly. She knew it, too. I know she did. The more my drive kept building, the longer she'd take to eat her slices. The more she could tell I was getting turned on by just _watching her eat fruit, _the more I could tell she was getting embarrassed.

I felt a familiar warmth slick in between my thighs as I couldn't believe what I was seeing; she finally offered me a piece of watermelon in between her acrylic-painted nails. She slowly moved her arm in my direction as I tried to remember to open my mouth once the fruit reached its destination.

She was glaring. She knew I loved to see her angry, even if it was just to turn me on. I swallowed my pride and opened my mouth to allow her entry; she placed the fruit in my mouth and grazed a nail across my lip as I closed my mouth. I couldn't help my eyes fluttering closed as I pretended that it was her in my mouth as I chewed and swallowed. I opened my eyes and let out a soft sigh as I looked at her.

She was...smiling? That sneak; she just wanted to see me with my guard down, didn't she? Oh, I should have known. She always gets a kick out of that. How am I supposed to trust her?

I glared down at the almost empty plate; there was a slice of peach and two slices of strawberries left. I went for the peach and fed it to her that time. She obliged quickly, but didn't make the mistake of smiling or closing her eyes. Hmph. Not yet, anyway.

I picked up the other one and fed it to her as well. No satisfying reaction from her this time. It was frustrating me. I was frustrating myself; just moments ago, I was soaring. But her suspicious smile made me fall back to reality. Still...times like these make me think she does it on purpose. I want to find out just how she has _changed _for me.

I lifted the last piece of fruit on the plate and held it in between us for a moment. While I contemplated shoving it down her boobs or throwing it at her eye, she held my whole hand in hers. I felt my entire arm paralyze on contact with her soft skin as she guided my hand to her mouth. I knew I was gaping. I knew I was blushing. But she was glaring. She looked angry.

She looked so damn aroused as she licked my fingers and stole the fruit from me with her tongue... But she didn't stop there.

Fleur put two of my fingers in her mouth while she ate the damn fruit. Normally, I'd be completely disgusted by something like this. But the way I _felt_ the fruit sloshing around in her mouth while she chewed us both was so...sensual. Her teeth didn't hurt at all. If anything, they almost tickled. While she swallowed, I felt the pressure of the air in her mouth pull my fingers farther into her mouth, but not too far. My eyes widened as she parted my fingers to either side of her strong tongue and made an infinity motion in between them with the tip of it.

She kissed my fingers and slowly pushed them out to lick the outer rim of her teeth. I knew she could tell I like it when she does that... And I knew she could tell that she liked my fingers in her warm mouth. She kept sucking them in, them kissing them out. In and out...over and over again until she gently took hold on my wrist...

I knew my face was beet red; she lifted her chin up a bit and slowly moved my wet fingers down to her neck to her chest and wrote something on them...

'Trust. Me. Love. Me.'

My skipped heartbeats told me to just do something. Anything. Test her. Test her good and hard right where we were... I felt that carnal rage build up inside of me. That rage she gave me with this affliction. That anger she gave me every time I imagined myself pleasing her to no end for all she's been able to do to me...

I shoved the table over from in between us and swished her body against the wall. I knew it was loud; I knew I made a commotion. But I didn't care. I didn't care about anything except making sure Fleur's lips had plenty of me on them; the juice from the fruit had its turn. Now it was mine.

Danger levels were sparking in my head as I kissed her fiercely. I knew she wanted it. I knew she wanted me. She needed me just as much as I needed her. I didn't care that I didn't trust her; I still bit and sucked on her lips as I begged entry into her mouth. I kissed her feather-soft jawline, I kissed her throat as she threw her head back for me, and I made sure to hold her as close as possible to my body. My body was wracking with spasms for her; I needed her. I didn't care that she was probably being shady. I just wanted her.

I lifted her thigh up and held it around me as I continued kissing every inch of the delicate skin on her neck. I bit down and she suppressed a groan. I licked around and I felt a shuddered moan inside her throat. I sucked my way back to her mouth to swallow her sigh; I finally got inside.

I shot my tongue anywhere I could reach. I licked her teeth, gently bit her tongue, and made sure to not let one ounce of her wonderful breath go anywhere except for inside my mouth. I still wanted more.

I didn't care that everyone was staring. I knew it was inappropriate to have Fleur pinned against the wall and grinding my knee in between her legs. I just kept going like there was no one around except for us... My common sense flew out of my mind the more I let Fleur's scent and arousal swim deep inside of my senses. All I could hear was Fleur screaming at me to give her more of everything...

I liked that she hooked her heel in the back of my belt loop on my jeans and was digging it into my back. I liked that I could feel a bit of sweat on her lovely scalp as I combed through her silky hair. She was in a crazy position at this point, but I kept going. I knew she was flexible; she wasn't stiff against me. I made sure to keep a gentle hold on her nonetheless; I knew she might have been scared.

Fleur. Scared? Yes. I remember how I felt after that lap dance, and I wasn't feeling that powerless over my actions. I made sure to be aggressive with my mouth but soft in my caresses. I made sure to give her everything I had with my knee in between her legs, but still be delicate as I took my time to kiss her eyes as she shut them closed from...fear.

I was actually being sensitive to her feelings, even though I was borderline having sex with her in a public place. I guess this means something...

I care about her.


	14. Love Me Tender

_**XIV. **__Love Me Tender_

_(Fleur's POV)_

Well...once I finally found enough sense to peel Hermione off of me, I ran out of the restaurant. Yes, you heard right; I _ran. _I don't know why... For some reason, I feel torn. I'm being stupid and insecure, I know. It's just so complicated...

It was almost nine, and the runway was due to start in five minutes. I wasn't nervous at all; I've done more of these than I can count. But I might have been nervous about something else...

I stood in my elegant ivory cocktail dress and heels, ready for the signal to go past the curtains and on to the runway. The large tent we were in was packed with nearly a thousand people, and I could hear the murmurs of their conversations as well as the host giving them a general rundown of events. Tony came by to host the whole show, because it technically is his project. All of the models were lined up, and I was ready to exit first with Hermione right behind me.

I knew she was angry with me. Memories of earlier washed away the crowd's conversation, and all I could hear was a downpour of rain hitting the tent. My senses tend to heighten whenever I feel nervous or excited. It was mid-December, so I guess rain was to be expected in a place like Florence. Hermione and I only had a photo shoot to do tomorrow afternoon, and then we were free to leave. I still haven't told her about it, along with the real reason why I felt so strange towards her..

I wanted to turn around and take in how astounding she looked one last time. While I looked like some kind of dainty princess, she actually looked like a beautiful rebel in a black leather jacket and fitting red jeans. All of the models had heavy eyeliner on and a bit of blush. They made my hair more of a dirty blonde, and I had a thin strand flowing to the side of my head. The model behind Hermione had similar clothes to me, while the model behind her was like Hermione, and so forth.

But I noticed Hermione giving me furtive looks for the past hour, probably because she doesn't understand why I ran away from her. Hell, I _told _her to do that whenever she felt like it.

I suppose it was because I kept getting horrible flashbacks from her birthday. I know she was trying to be sensitive; I _know _she was trying to whisk my fears away when she kissed my eyes. She was just so hungry and relentless in her exploration of my body that I couldn't help it. I gave her permission to do that to me whenever for the sole purpose of me getting over that whole ordeal. But like I told myself so many months ago, I was tired of the submission...

_I _wanted to be the one in control. _I _wanted to have that power again. Being in control with a woman seemed that much easier, because technically we were equal if you get what I mean. But the book said if I gave her too much control, she'd lose herself even more. I had to find the happy medium between the two extremes. _I _had to, because all Hermione was concerned about right now was sex. I know she was.

The five minutes it took for nine to hit seemed to take forever... I know I had to find some way to keep her coming back for more. I needed to distance herself from me, then yank her back with that much more fervor. I needed to do this for as long as it took for her to lose her primal instincts with me. No matter how much I wanted Hermione to close the distance between our bodies at this very second, I had to act like I didn't want her. I had to tease her, but still push her away if she got too close.

No matter how much it hurts me to do it, I have to. If not, then she'll never learn to admit that she loves me. But even then, I have to keep testing her over and over until I feel that she's cured...

It's going to take a toll on me in different ways than her. Very different...

* * *

When it was finally time to go, I put on my 'serious model face' and strode out on to the runway. The lights were many and bright, the crowd was big and loud, but the trail behind me was not trail enough. I know it wasn't; I could feel it.

I kept up with my strut because I couldn't look concerned. I couldn't turn back until it was time for me to, well, turn around when the walkway ended. I could barely hear Tony's cheerful commentary in Italian and English. The claps and smiles from everyone around me faded once again as I could only hear the delicate stomp of the boots behind me.

Hermione was wearing boots. None of the other models were. Just. Hermione.

The end was near, but I couldn't stop. The people kept cheering and cheering, and ogling and ogling, but I just wanted them to stop. So many things were spinning out of my control, and I don't know why I thought them to be as such. It was just a runway. It was just the fact of the matter that Hermione was the only one behind me. Hermione was mad at me. Madly in love with me, at that. But has she _told _me this? No.

I found myself suddenly aching for her to tell me. But I don't think she trusts me yet. Do I trust her? I trust her hands. I trust her mouth, her tongue, her passion her lust her soul..

Why was I thinking so philosophically while walking down a runway...? Why did I feel my heart dropping to the pit of my chest when every single smile in the tent was trying to keep it high?

And why did I feel Hermione's hand up my dress?

"Don't run this time," was all I heard her say as we came to a stop at the end. We were supposed to be posing for the cameras.

She seemed to be using me as her prop. The crowd loved it. Did I?

Yes...

Hermione was actually taller than me; my heels weren't that high. She gently pulled my face to her chest and kept her hard gaze focused on the camera. I didn't notice the lights flashing and the crowd on their feet anymore as I snaked my arms around her waist. I, too, glared at the distance ahead of us; an endless mass of chairs and smiling faces. They loved to see us like this; so close, so beautiful, so bold and fearless.

I don't know why I keep telling myself to hesitate with her. For the good of her road to being disease-free? Or because of my stupid homophobia? Because I can't seem to get over old habits.. I am afraid of her. She knows I am, because I ran away from her. Why am I being so childish?

Why did I not notice that she guided me all the way back to where we began walking..? I don't understand why I was so out of it.

She sat me down in a chair by a pile of shoes next to the runway entrance. People were swarming us, trying to make us hurry and change clothes, but she just shooed them away...

I was starting to understand that my stubborn thoughts about pushing her away were beginning to eat away at my mind. It was because I wanted her so close that I thought it was best to keep her so far away. I know I have issues of my own that even I don't understand. I don't want Hermione to get to know this Fleur, because even I myself don't know her.

"Why did you run away from me?"

Hermione was kneeling down at my feet with a concerned look on her face. _Concerned. _Like I needed her sympathy. My old habits began to swirl around in my common sense and brought back the bitch in me as I spoke.

"Because I felt like running."

"What? You were kissing me back! You couldn't have been embarrassed or-"

"Well, I was."

"Don't tell me you're still that strung up on how I was after that lap dance."

"Well, I am."

"You're...scared of m-"

"Non."

"Fleur, come on. Just admit it-"

"I am NOT _scared _of you!"

"What's wrong with you, then?"

I stood up and she fell back in surprise. I didn't know what was wrong with me, but I did know that I hate it when my insecurities come out. I hate that she can make me so helpless sometimes that I don't even know where I am. Who I am. _What _I am...

I needed control. I hated being the flimsy, dainty, perfect little princess in her eyes. This attire wasn't helping.

She needed a lesson. I hate being reduced to a submissive whore, even though I was probably over-analyzing everything. At that moment, I didn't care. I wanted her to be dominant with care. I wanted her to be passionate with me in mind...not just her.

The balance was killing me. I wasn't understanding my thoughts, my self, or my actions as I scooped up an arm-full of shoes and began throwing them at her in rage and confusion.

"FLEUR! What the hell are you- OW!"

She slowly backed away with her arms over her face as I continued my onslaught. I didn't care that we were slowly walking down the runway with me throwing shoes at every inch of her body. Her body that I wanted but hated myself for wanting. My want for her that shouldn't have been this powerful or atrocious was blinding. It put power behind my throws and she took every single one of them.

I didn't know the why behind anything anymore. This needy and at the same time _loner _side of me melded into a made-up anger and hatred of her. Maybe it was just that time of the month and my emotions were running out of control. Maybe I needed help. Maybe I've just been too depressed over her for too long.

Or maybe I just needed some kind of...assuaging.

The crowd in our path jumped from their seats as Hermione hopped over them and in between the rows of chairs to the exit. I followed her even though I ran out of shoes ages ago, and had even resorted to throwing the pair I was wearing. I followed her even though I was telling myself that I hated her.

I followed her because I wanted something from her. And not sex.

I chased her down the drenched street, out into the rainy night. Cars stopped in their tracks and skid in the coat of water over the asphalt. People stared. The smell of the water in the air was my substitute for oxygen as I went at full-speed after her. I didn't know why she was still running. I didn't know why I was still chasing her. I had no idea why we were running in the first place...

I didn't know anything anymore. She always reduced me to some heap of idiot. She always made me confused when any other time I'd have my answers in less than a second. She always, _always _made me cry right when I thought I could be above her, and it wasn't just that night of her birthday...

She turned around right when I couldn't take it anymore. She saw a tear cut a trail down my face; she knew it wasn't the rain. She stopped and turned around to face me, but I kept running at her.

I finally ran her over with everything I had. And even though she didn't do anything except hold me in her arms, I somehow felt the release. Not complete release, because I was still crying... But it was release nonetheless.

I felt myself slipping down to the sidewalk. I felt my pride slither down and gather as a pool at the feet of everyone who followed us from the tent. I didn't want them around. Just like Hermione's arms. But I wanted her. I just didn't want her damn sympathy.

Sympathy was what got us in this mess...

I kept crying as I shoved her off and ran away again. My bare feet were numb as they pounded against the puddles of cement and water beneath me. I wished my heart and mind would make themselves up... I kept crying while I wondered how she could do this to me. Why was she doing it to me...

"Fleur, stop!"

I ran faster as I shut my eyes. The tears were stinging. I didn't care that I was running blindly; I didn't care that she was the only one after me as we ran through this empty park. I should have slipped and fell on the grass ages ago, or ran into a trash can, or a pole, or...something.

But I could not deny that she was guiding me. She had so much control over me, even when I couldn't notice. I am needy and scared and insecure. I am haughty and confident and independent. But only when I remember to be such. And when I forget...she is there to fill the void, even though I don't want her to see the real me. The real me hides behind the flirty requests and sexy body language. The real me runs away from the aftermath of my false language, verbal or otherwise.

And yet Hermione was still chasing me. I could hear her panting and wheezing. I heard her scream a bit as she almost tripped, but kept going. She was guiding me, even though I had my eyes shut against the blades of the rain and tears against my eyes.

I slowed down and stopped. I shouldn't have been running. I should have been panting like her behind me, but I wasn't.

"Why did you follow me?"

She didn't answer right away, but gave the wind a cough and sniffle before taking a deep breath.

"I don't want to make that mistake again... You said so...yourself."

I slowly opened my eyes and took in the blurred vision of a far away gas lamp. The rain kept falling as my body shuddered from the cold. Coldness of my heart, my mind, and my stupidity. This is why I never let myself truly fall in love, because my true colors show. I only want people to love me for the colors I emanate from being beautiful. I only want people to see who I let them see.

Hermione saw so much more...and she was still trying hard to catch her breath behind me.

But could she see that much deeper inside of me right now? Could she see that I was shivering for her touch, but still screaming for her to stay away? I had no confirmation about anything. So what if she kissed me like I was the only one who had fed her in years? So what if she was so smart and beautiful? I wanted to know that she loved me for non-platonic reasons. Passion and ecstasy could be manufactured in anyone's mind if they pretended to love them.

Swaying someone's fears with the truth took so much more work. More honesty. Just...more of everything.

"Please don't run away from me again...you're scaring me. I'm scaring m-myself. I keep thinking that I've d-done something t-to you..."

You have. You've done everything imaginable to me by just looking at me. You wrack my brain and wrench my heart in ways that make me feel loved and hurt at the same time.

I took a step forward, but I stopped as soon as I thought to do it. It wasn't me that made me stop; it was her. Her words...

Her tender words...

"I love you...truly. You p-probably don't believe me. You probably think I'm lying b-because of this disease... But if it's a disease to be in love with you, then so b-be it. If it's a disease to cry every t-time you run from me when all I want to do is hold you in m-my arms, then fine.

"And if it's a disease to die if you can't love me back, then I'll take it. I'll deal with it. If you're scared, then why can't you tell me that? Why can't you trust me?"

She walked in front of me and held me in her arms again. Our make-up had washed away ages ago, but my insecurities had not. It felt strange to be the shorter one. It felt strange to feel so needed and loved. It was...different to feel the cold raindrops and her warm tears on my face.

Suddenly only her warmth registered in my senses. I felt safe...she told me she loves me. Truly. I should have said it back, but I was embarrassed that I needed to hear it. All the years of feeling detached love for my one night stands was catching up to me. But she was different; she was so kind and gentle and _strong _in her own ways. She cared for others, I did not. She had experience in realms that I never even thought of treading... Hermione really did out-do me.

She led us down to the grass while my voice slowly remembered how to work. She said...die. Die if I can't love her back? That's what the book failed to mention... But I did love her. So much.

I loved the way she had no shame. She was not embarrassed with me like she normally should have been. I loved the way she knew it was time to get rid of our barriers, even if we were alone in a park under a downpour of bone-chilling rain. Her hands were water smooth as she pulled off my dress and gazed at me with careful eyes. We were still crying a bit as she led my hands to her jacket. I removed it from her, careful to slide my hands down her arms as I did. She placed it behind me and lay me down as she guided my hands to the removal of the rest of her clothes.

It was so cold, but her body on top of mine made me forget that. My stomach warmed up immediately as she gently prodded at my lips with hers. I closed my eyes and prodded back. Just as she hovered above my eyes and hesitated, I spoke up. Her tears slowly cascading in my mouth were like drops of the dew I needed from her..

"I love you, too. 'Ermione, I do...but you...sometimes you scare me. I scare myself. I don't know 'oo I am sometimes and it confuses me..."

"I'm not going to hurt you... I've changed. Seeing you run from me twice in one day was enough. I'm not letting you go ever again. To hell with what the books said, Fleur. You need me just as much as I need you..."

She surprised me; suddenly I was the one on top and she was underneath me. She knew. Hermione knew everything except for the private thoughts that ravaged my mind when she was around. I wish I could tell her, but now was not the time unless she asked me.

She needed me.

I pressed my lips against her neck. Softly. She arched a path for me to tread down with my explorations as she held me close. The desire began to soar in between my legs from my ears as she gave me a soft moan. I loved the way she gently clawed my back with her nails...it gave me a familiar comfort as I took to gliding my lip across her areole. Her voice came out as a soft purr that soared above and beyond the rainfall while she rubbed my back in approval.

"You...don't like it when you don't have...answers to things."

I bit down as a way to say no and she groaned as she nodded. Her eyes closed and her breaths picked up slowly as I moved to her other breast.

"And you don't like how I...make you so weak..."

"Non... But you make me feel so good at ze...same time..."

I curved my head down and curled my tongue around every inch of flesh in my reach. She turned her head to the side and smiled as I breathed a hot trail down her navel. I felt her hands glide across me as I moved down, then finally settle in my hair as she continued speaking to me.

"I know you're only...three-quarters human, but you're still human. I know that quarter was what made you not trust me. I know that quarter was what made me hate you. But I...don't anymore. I know it's taken some time, but...I trust you. Just let me in..."

I moved in my head in between her legs and waited. Even though the rain was washing it away, I could still _smell _her. My senses heightened and I felt my drive spur even more. She was willing to take the time to get to know me. All of me. She trusted me.

Hermione actually loved me...

"Don't let me down, 'Ermione..."

I finally let go and allowed my tongue to be one with her.. After all of those months of squirming around in esctasy and want over her, I finally had her. After all those nights of watching lesbian porn and reprimanding myself for wanting Hermione there with me again, I was finally giving her a reason to warm my ears with her approval.

I was taking her higher than she'd ever been; I knew she loved it. My ears perked up again and again at her escalating vocal spasms of joy and pleasure. Her nails gently gripped and released my hair as she pressed me against her with the firmness of a delicate girl. I brought out that childish confusion in her sometimes, and she did the same to me. But the sole act of doing _this _together was such bliss and such reward that it didn't matter to us.

Even though I hated the way she made me feel, sometimes I hated the way she _didn't _make me feel, just like she said... Sometimes I hated when she wasn't around to strangle, but sometimes I hated when she was around to face my empty wrath. The balance was there in sex. The balance was always there when I could hear her moan and sigh repeatedly as I helped her soar past the endless rain and clouds.

The balance came as she did. And this time, there was no need for any shields or resistance. This time, I knew they were gone. She laughed in the wind and I giggled against her as she panted and screamed with her orgasm. It wasn't a nightmare this time; it was a wonderful, pleasure-filled abyss we were in. It was refreshing to hear her moan in between shallow and hitched breaths while she softly called my name.

All of the moisture from the rain pounding on my back could never drown me in such sweet comfort like the taste of her essence. Even though it was so new to me, it felt so familiar at the same time. It was like I'd known her taste all my life, and I was just losing myself and going through the motions of denial until I let myself taste it.

The denial was gone, as was hers. Her hips shook one last time and I wrapped my legs around one of hers as I slid my own release against her on the way up. She held me in her arms and kissed my forehead as I lay my face just under hers. I felt shivers, but not because of the rain; she was stroking my hair. She put our clothes over us then went right back to holding me and closed her eyes with a smile on her face. I couldn't help but do the same.

I felt so safe...and loved. It wasn't a sign of being needy or weak; it was a sign that she loved me... I prayed and prayed that she'd finally let go of everything this time. Things seemed hopeful. Very much so. The love we shared was so true that time; so honest. So tender.

Hermione whispered warm love in the form of her soft breaths in my ear as we listened to the rain, and I couldn't have felt any more hopeful...


	15. Lick My Venom

A/N

To Yoshi,

What did your last slave die of?

Love,

~QC

_**XV. **__Lick my Venom_

_(Fleur's POV)_

I awoke refreshed in my bed in my tent the next afternoon. No, _our _bed. _Our _tent. Hermione was in my arms, sleeping soundly. We did have one last photo shoot to do in about thirty minutes before we could go back home. I'm positive she'll love it...

Her nightly habits didn't come about again, as far as I knew. It seemed like as long as I was in her arms, her dreams were relatively light. I could definitely say the same thing about myself...

Those months she and I spent apart were difficult for me. Almost every night, I dreamed of her. Her smile, her scowl, her hands, her sweet lips, her tears... I kept dreaming about the Burrow, too. That was where it happened, after all. I kept dreaming about running throughout the house, trying to find her. But then I'd stumble upon Mrs. Weasley, glaring at me. No one in that house believed me for a second when I told them I changed. No one believed me when I said I loved Hermione, and I just wanted to see her.

They wouldn't let me. That same dream kept recurring over and over again to the point where I found myself believing it was real. It was the reason why I would always cry every morning before going to work. And then when I heard Hermione's tantrum over the phone, I felt as if a part of myself was gone. I lost a chunk of my confidence at her indignation. I lost an ounce of my pride.

I lost my sense of self.

It tends to resonate with her. Just like last night when I lost it, I kept remembering those feelings, but not the dreams. I can't remember or think of anything else except for her when she's around. I'd normally write it off to being weak-minded and needy, but she fixed that. She most certainly did. I've never had someone make me feel so insecure and relaxed at the same time...

She's bringing out my insecurities to help me stomp over them. I'm not going to get rid of them overnight, even though it's rather ironic that they refused to come out before I fell in love with her. I suppose it's like sucking out the venom that would have killed me anyway, had I kept ignoring it. I am glad she brings out this side of me...even though I hate it so.

But as long as Hermione is with me, and not angry, I'm fine. She's my pain-killer, my pain-instiller, and my savior. An angel, maybe. Just maybe...

When Hermione and I arrived at the villa on a cliff by the ocean, she looked rather surprised to see who our photographer was. I smiled and squeezed Hermione's hand slightly.

"I am glad zey let you do zis for me, Squall."

"I'm glad for the job, Fleur. I've always wanted to take my photography hobby to the next level.. Thank you so much."

"It is no problem. I am sure my sister will also be glad to 'ave you. She sounded 'appy to take you in when I spoke wiz 'er earlier."

"You're too kind. Really. I can't thank you enough, but let's get started, shall we?"

"Of course."

Squall smiled at us as he led the way to the cliff. Hermione looked quite amazed as we gazed down at the ocean gently hitting the rocks over the distance. I had to snap her out of it for a moment and remind her that we were here for pictures. She looked quite adorable, taking in the sight under the bright December sun. I had to hold back a sigh as she turned to face me and smiled.

"Italian weaves, I assume?" Squall asked nicely as he held out a few bags of hair.

"You assumed right."

"Alright, this'll just take a second. I'm pretty good at this."

He flicked his wand and sent the dark brown extensions into Hermione's hair. Another flick, and his spell straightened her hair to match the fake add-ons. It fell just to her hips, and she looked lovely. Astounding. She saw my approval on my face as I smiled wider than ever down at her glowing face. He quickly did the same with me with a good deal of blonde hair. Hermione looked surprised, but that was just part one.

"Um...do you want me to turn around while you...?"

"If you want," I chuckled.

"Okay, turning around!"

I moved my mouth to Hermione's ears and whispered a soothing romantic speech to her in French. I felt her face warm up beside mine as I removed her clothes. She had no idea what was going on, but she didn't protest. I heard her heartbeats through her ears and grinned as I continued whispering my silly flirting down her neck, and down her breasts as I finished undressing her. I glid my tongue up her torso as I stood up straight, and felt her shiver as I gently took hold of her hands.

She seemed to get the hint as I led her hands to my shirt. It was off quickly, as was the rest of my clothes. She was blushing slightly, but it was fine. I like to see that she's aroused.. Flirting with her constantly seems to satisfy that drive of mine. I've essentially let go of my homophobia, just like I'm sure we've both let go of those silly Lozenges..

I led her over to a grassy area and sat down with her. Squall was being adorable and pretending not to look over our way while I explained to Hermione what was going on.

"Zis is a small promotion for Squall's line at Eyevine. 'E is going to be working for me, and finishing 'igh school near us in Paris. I couldn't just let 'im stay 'ere wiz nowhere to call 'ome."

"That's...nice of you. He's going to stay with Gabrielle?"

"Yes. I figured she could use the company, and she said yes straightaway. I knew I would feel 'orrible if I let such a kind young man out of my life. I am sure 'e will have much to bring to ze company."

"Wow."

"Hm?"

"You really have changed."

"You 'elped wiz zat."

She blushed again as I cleared my throat. Squall strode over to us with his professional camera and smiled. Hermione seemed to forget her embarrassment about everything as I settled her legs over mine and lay her head down on my chest. She closed her eyes and smiled serenely as I held her close.

"Well Fleur, I'm sure you're relaxed as hell."

"Mmm...quite."

"Just relax, Hermione. But I guess you already are," he laughed. Apparently so; she was inhaling my perfume in between deep breaths.

"Mhm."

I laughed softly as Squall nodded and began taking photographs. I did my best to guide Hermione along with a quiet voice to not stir her. The sun was smiling down on us, and the sound of the ocean down below was relaxing. Whenever I moved my hand over her chest, I felt her hammering heartbeats. Whenever I shifted so that I was laying on her, I heard a small moan through her lovely throat.

It was entirely too erotic to be doing this, even if I had to keep making sure we were covered up for the most part. But she followed instructions so well that I eventually didn't need to say anything anymore. The way she fit so well against my body was so comforting. How we complimented the others' curves, skin, and hair was something I never really noticed before.

Taking gentle-toned photographs with Hermione was a breath of fresh air for me. She was almost child-like in her want to always stay as close to me as possible. Her hands always found the right place to stay, her head always nuzzled into just the right spot.. I even felt that familiar safety with her when I let her be the dominant one.

The clicking of Squall's camera faded away as time passed. The sound of the ocean diminished as I continued reveling in how close Hermione and I were right then. Even Squall himself seemed to disappear..

All time existed around Hermione; all sensations and feelings revolved around her arms around me. Her breaths down my chest, her smile on my head, her legs in between mine...

This was my way of apologizing for the pain I put her through. This was my repentance for her sleepless nights and fear over her changes. While I wasn't sorry she fell in love with me, I truly felt horrible about what my love did to her. I know she was aware that I felt bad about everything. I know she loves me.

As long as I'm sure of that, I'll keep going down the road to recovery for myself. She wasn't the only one affected by this... Not in the least.

After Hermione and I finished packing up, we left with Squall back to the portkey that evening. Hermione said she was very tired, so we promised to take her home so Squall could meet Harry and Ron, then I'd take him to Gabrielle's house.

"Hah, well aren't you two just all lovey-dovey?"

Hermione made some incoherent noise as she grunted into my shoulder; I was a walking bed for her. I just laughed, and I felt her caress my waist and hold me tighter. I really didn't see how she could be so tired, but oh well.

"I suppose so."

"So Fleur, you're sure this is okay?"

"Your parents did kick you out, so I don't see why not."

"Alright. I guess I'm just glad I took those French classes back at school. Thank you so much again for this. You're like my savior."

"Squall, I am 'ardly such. You flatter me, but I could never zink so 'ighly of myself."

"What? But Hermione does, and now I do, too. Not like _that _but you know what I mean!"

"Yes, I know what you mean."

I chuckled one last time as Hermione held me with just a little more love as we neared the portkey. She knows she's the reason I've changed. She knows so many things about myself that I've never had to voice at all. I know she's perceptive enough to pick up on even what I fail to notice sometimes.

I suppose there was just something mesmerizing about her that made me lose all sense of her flaws. Only her assets shine bright to me in my eyes. Only her perfections make me fall in love with her more and more until I can't stand it...but even then, I just want to keep falling with her...

Her imperfections only made her better qualities that much greater. I wished I could tell her, but there was still a nagging imperfection of mine that made me keep my mouth shut. I'm not good at expressing myself...

She knows it, too.

But I wonder if that silly metaphor I made about the venom had a negative side. If she kept sucking and licking my problems away, what would she do with them? Make the venom evaporate in the air of her love for me? Or would she be so evil as to throw it all in my face again?

I doubt Hermione is cruel anymore. Not with me, at least. I've done my best to take care of her issues and hesitations. Now I just need to work on my own...

_We_ need to.

We arrived at her house, and Harry and Ron greeted us warmly. Hermione grumbled something about bed while Harry took me by the hand to the living room. Squall introduced himself to them while I watched Hermione crawl upstairs with her things.. she looked so adorable...

"Fleur? Sit, won't you?" Harry asked, noticing where I was staring.

"Oh, yes. Zank you."

I sat next to Squall on the love seat while Harry and Ron listened intently as he explained his situation. There was an interesting show on TV, Will and Grace if I remember correctly. I do love Jack and Karen; their antics always made me laugh. It was the only thing that kept me smiling over those horrible months after Hermione's birthday..

Just as I laughed at Jack slapping and biting at Karen's ass (which was unusually large), my phone rang. It was Gabrielle. I told her we would be over there in a bit, what could she want?

"Gabrielle, I said-"

"I just remembered some'zing. It doesn't 'ave to do wiz Squall; I don't mind 'im staying."

"Zen what is it?"

"You do know Christmas is in a few days, right?"

"Yes..."

"Are you bringing 'Ermione over to maman and papa's house for ze dinner...?"

"Of course I am."

"Did you forget zat fast?"

"...wait. No, I just remembered..."

"She's expecting 'Ermione zere, Fleur. You can't get out of it..."

"Shit..."


	16. Let It Slide

_**XVI. **__Let It Slide_

_(Hermione's POV)_

My fingers were in pain, but I didn't mind. Sweat was dripping down my nose, but it was okay. As long as it didn't fall on the folds, I'd live. My eyes were blazing hot and burning like my arms.. Work, work, work...

The pearly whites were blinding. Sparkles of perfection, glimmers of beauty. My head was pounding with the toils of labor, but I couldn't stop until I knew she'd be satisfied. Thread...thread, where is it? Oh; here. I really ought to take a break, but I just need to finish this...

While I ironed a bit of fabric here and there, I was still smiling like an idiot. I say an idiot, because Fleur has seriously made me feel like one.. Loving her so much is dangerous, but it feels so damn good at the same time.. I was probably being foolhardy, but I didn't care. I love her. I love her more than I hate myself right now for going all out like this. The hate is almost negligible at this point...

My heart lovingly painted a smile on my face as I worked in the solace of my bedroom. I've been cooped up here for the past three days, working on this gift for Fleur. I was almost done, and I know she's been wondering what I've been doing. I've had Harry and Ron obviously distract her from coming up here whenever she dropped by (which was at least three times a day). When she and I came back here with Squall a few days ago, I was just pretending to be tired; I was too excited to come up here and get to work on this.

Vera Wang of all people was at the runway. She and I already had connections with each other, and she was glad to see that I found work with the best fashion corporation in Europe. I was _going _to introduce her to Fleur, but because she was being weird earlier, I had a better idea instead. Much better. I asked if it would be alright for her to send me a few of her fabrics so that I could make a dress for Fleur. Vera said yes immediately, and simply asked for the occasion while she phoned her company.

I told her it was for a wedding. I want to ask Fleur to marry me on Christmas after we finish visiting everyone..

I know; stupid. Completely dumb and irrational. But we would be engaged for a while. It's just that whole thing about Fleur making me a babbling idiot in my mind almost all the time... I should probably think this over some more, but I don't want to. There's no getting out of this relationship I have with her, so I might as well go all the way..

* * *

The night of Christmas Eve was finally here, and I was finally done with the dress. I told my parents I'd see them later on tomorrow. Before that, Fleur said she's taking me, Harry, Ron, George and the others with her to her parents' house. Well, Harry told me, anyway. After that, we'd try our hand at announcing to the Weasleys that we're together. Then my parents. I was actually looking forward to it.

I held the dress up in my dim-lit room and smiled at my creation. It definitely looked like one of Vera Wang's dresses. Even though I did have enough money to afford one, I figured it would be better if I made this myself. It's very couture, if I do say so myself. Flows and tresses everywhere, with a line of flowing fabric that spreads out at the end. Pearly white. Deep neckline, and an exposed back. I didn't put any designs on it.. only because I remember hearing Fleur complain under her breath about her wedding dress years ago when she married Bill.

Even though Fleur could be a complete snob sometimes, I'm glad she was enough of one to not love men. Otherwise she and Bill would probably still be together..

I put the dress back on my special mannequin I bought just for whenever I wanted to make something for Fleur. I smoothed it out and smiled as I took a deep breath. She'll love it. So much.. Just like the extra present for her, glinting lovingly in its case nearby.

I managed to sneak out yesterday and bought her an engagement ring from Tiffany's. It's set in platinum with 18k gold highlights. It has French Crown jewels, and they're shaped almost like a flower; the center is round with two 'petals' on either side. There were even blue glints in them, to match her cerulean eyes, of course.

It _really _cut decently into my funds..but considering how lavish Fleur is, I didn't mind. But I really want to impress her. So bad.. I don't mind spending nearly...two hundred and seventy _thousand _Francs (equivalent of 56,000 dollars for you Americans) on her. I have no idea what I was thinking when I spent all of that money... I mean, I make at least triple that amount a year, so it wasn't that much of an issue. Harry, Ron, and I split the bills...so we generally have more than enough money floating around.

I held my hands together, feeling lighter than air all of a sudden as I remembered holding her hand. That song by Across the Universe kept playing in my mind, too.

I held out my hand with my palm face down, imagining her wearing the ring. Even though it was astounding, it was nothing if not on the hand on a woman. My Fleur..

I really do have it bad...

* * *

After I was done grinning over the dress and ring, I went to Fleur's house. I smiled and took a deep breath as she opened the door; she had on a very long shirt, and nothing else on except for underwear and a bra by the look of it. She saw my approval on my face and smiled as I admired how the white shirt hugged every contour of her body. Hell, I wanted to do the same thing. I practically pounced her to the ground as I held her. She laughed softly in my ear, but put a finger against my lips as I moved up to kiss her.

"What's the big idea? I haven't seen you in days!"

"'Oose fault is zat, hm?"

"Fine."

She laughed again and closed the door as I let her go. I held her hand automatically as she led me up her spiral staircase to her bedroom. Fleur certainly wasn't one to waste time with things, and I was entirely too grateful for it. Besides, I couldn't deny that I've been fantasizing about a thing or two over the past couple of days..

I was about to pounce her again as we got to her bed, but she held a hand out and smirked. I frowned, but she just laughed again and caressed my face. I fell into her touch as she wrapped me around in her arms and sat down on the bed. It was silly...she was literally cradling me. We just sat in silence in her dark bedroom for a while. My stomach churned with warmth every time she sighed and continued to grace me with her smile and glazed eyes..

"'Ermione."

"Mhm..."

"You might 'ate me for zis, but an old friend called me today."

"An...old friend?"

"Oui. Some'zing of a business rival. 'E asked if it would be alright to take you out on a date zis evening."

"...but isn't that what we should be doing? I thought we were dating."

"Mmm, yes it is safe to assume we 'ave been dating since your bir'zday. But I zink you should go."

"Why...?"

"You will learn a zing or two about ze art of subtlety. Come; let us pick out a nice dress for you."

"But Fleur-"

She kept one arm around my shoulders and moved the other underneath my legs and picked me up. I wrapped my arms around her neck instinctively as she walked to her closet. She was pretty strong.. Even though I was against this random date with her rival, the sound of her calm breaths against my ear was too comforting. This is what I meant about my lack of control with her...but I loved every second of it.

"Get zis black dress 'ere. It should bring back memories for you."

I smiled up at her and removed the dress from her hanger. It did bring back memories; I was wearing a dress just like this when I finally saw her that night nearly five months ago. She led me over to her dresser and bent down so that I could rummage through her underwear and bras. She and I were giggling the whole time; she had quite the assortment. I even went so far as to sniff one of her G-strings...

"You sick pervert, stop!"

"What? I always wanted to know how you rubbed off on your-"

"You are even worse zan a man. 'Onestly."

"You gave me permission..."

"I'll drop you if you don't pick some'zing out now..."

"Drop me, then. I'll just wrestle you down and make you have sex with me. You know I don't want to go."

She kissed me just as I laughed. I kept whatever bra and underwear I had in my lap while I ran a hand through her hair. I'll never get tired of her hair... I just loved taking a deep breath and letting the smell of it fill my body until I had to gasp for air. It was just as smooth as her body, _and _her train of thought.

We were en route to the bathroom.

I like the way her mind works; leave the dress and lingerie on the counter, get in the shower and make out, then turn on the warm water. We did just that as I pinned her to the wall and kissed her like we'd been apart for years... After a moment of her blindly reaching around for the taps, the familiar feeling of arousal dripped down on me, prickling at my skin, my clothes, and my mind to make. Her. Moan..

Though the water wasn't cold like the rain that night in the park, it still sent shivers through my body. Or was that Fleur taking off my drenched shirt? Well, either way, I was practically smiling in her mouth as I gently reached to every inch of her with my tongue. She guided my hands to her waist, and I almost felt suffocated for the brief moment we spent apart removing the others' shirt at the same time. She collided into me and I laughed my way down to the shower floor.

"You're rather...aggressive tonight..."

"You don't like?"

"Oh, no. By all means, keep...going."

Fleur kept getting a strange strength from nowhere as we undressed each other. When we moved back in to kiss, she grinned at me and raised her eyebrows for a split second; my body wracked with warmth as our tongues met once more. It was enticing, really. I didn't mind. I also didn't mind how it was already starting to steam up.

But, again, was that Fleur's sweet breath or the shower? Was it Fleur's long nails prodding at every inch of my body and making my arch and squirm with pleasure, or the beads of water?

But I do believe it was Fleur biting at my lips and slowly pulling her head back with them as I groaned with approval. It was her water-smooth hands gliding in between my legs that made me jump, go rigid as she entered, then sigh in her mouth as she released herself from me. We did this over and over again, with her free hand supporting my arched back, digging her nails into me with every entrance and every exit. I went rigid and relaxed for longer amounts of time with each round, and it got to the point where she was on her knees to support my body.

She shifted slightly to let the jets of water pummel me senseless, but not nearly as much as her fingers did. Her free ones snaked their way around every bit of my nether regions, flicking, grabbing, pinching, rubbing...and her finger continued to thrust and thrust inside of me. I felt my walls constrict around her, not wanting her to leave...but every time she did, she came back with that much more force.

The vapor from the steam couldn't even begin to quench my thirst as I inhaled sharply. Fleur was laughing softly in my mouth, occasionally moving down to glide the tip of her tongue down my neck, tease my breasts, then she'd go right back to my mouth. I was moaning into her kisses as felt myself climax.. Higher, higher, higher... She knew I was getting there.

Fleur moved her tongue _all _the way down this time and licked at whatever the water didn't manage to clear away. She imitated her hand with her tongue, but still kept that same finger inside of me. Her tongue kept vibrating against me where she was getting the best feedback. I kept arching more and more; her nails on my back massaged me, gently relaxing me to let every one of my pants and whines fill the ambiance of our sexual seclusion.

"More, 'Ermione... I want to 'ear more."

"Well maybe if you-"

My gasp was enough to wipe that smart ass smirk off of my face and glide over to her gorgeous one. I have no idea how the hell she's been able to vibrate her tongue against the same spot, _and _keep me coming again and again as I rocked against her mouth and moaned. My legs were shaking just as much as my breaths in my stomach, and it didn't seem like they'd be stopping any time soon..

Fleur just would not stop.

She moved her shoulders underneath my legs to support me, and held me up as she removed her finger. Her tongue kept up that insane vibration, and my entire body seemed to emulate her every touch. I never thought it was possible to continue a damn orgasm for so...long. It almost felt like Fleur was a bit drugged on something as her teeth began ripping into me. Not that I minded the ripping part...in fact, it made me whine like hell. But it still surprised me nonetheless.

Or maybe I was just imagining things. Loving Fleur can do that to you. Or, more specifically, having Fleur love you. Mmm...damn I love her.

She seemed to sense that she wrung me dry completely, and stopped to grin at me. She licked her lips and removed my weak legs from her shoulders and helped me stand up with her. I wanted her, though...but I forgot about that stupid date.

"We can continue when you get back. For now..."

Fleur reached for her shampoo and poured herself a hand full of it. I watched her bite her lip and narrow her eyes slightly as she rubbed it in between her hands. There was something intense about the way she held one of her palms up and ran her other hand up and down her wrist, almost. The way her nails kept extending out, then curling up over and over again made my knees weaker than they already were. She noticed the want in my eyes, and merely raised her eyebrows at me for a moment before turning to her side and raising her shoulder my way. She slowly walked behind me and pressed her navel against the small of my back.

I groaned as she used the tips of her nails to gently push my head back so that I was looking up to the ceiling. She started grinding against me and I arched into her as she started combing through my hair with her shampoo-filled hands. The water kept beating against my breasts as she went back to that dirty French talk... But this time it was more of an impersonal story...who in the world was she talking about, I wonder...?

"Mmm..."

"Tell me some'zing sexy. I know you know ze language..."

Her long ass nails massaging my scalp made my entire head shiver with an earthquake of pleasure over and over again that I couldn't refuse. Plus, she washed off her free hand and used it to help me with a few ministrations of my own...

"Fleur... Je le hais. Fait des allers-retours avec mes doigts jusqu'à ce que je sois si excitée-"

Words were impossible for me at that point; I gasped as she cut me off as she moved her strong thigh in between us and put a nice bit of pressure on that familiar spot with her knee. She kept grinding against me, and I was literally limp against her breasts. My breath kept hitching with every stroke of her fingers in my hair, and inside of me down _there. _I know I was gushing against her leg, just as my pleasure flew from my mouth continuously.

She smiled against my neck and I threw my head back as she kissed down my back. Her lips put enough pressure on me to push me forward, letting the water rinse my hair. One hand kept going with its exploration of my lips while I helped her. Her other hand reached for her bottle of body wash. She opened it and raised it high, pouring a good deal of the cool liquid down my breasts.

Fleur let it slide down me for a bit before rubbing it against my body. Her hands glid across my stomach, slicking it to a foamy substance before running a nail up and between my breasts. Her hand in between my legs kept rubbing slow, slow, slow...then fast, fast, faster than ever, over and over again as she rubbed her soapy hand around and in between my breasts in that same damn infinity shape. My eyes tumbled back in my head as I couldn't keep from moaning with every exhale; she was still grinding her navel and thigh against me, _and _she was still talking dirty to me.

I really ought to avoid her more often. Goddamn... I am so asking her to marry me tomorrow...

* * *

Fleur somehow managed to slide me into the clothes I picked out and led me downstairs. I really, _really _just wanted to continue with that shower. It was literally the hottest thing I've ever done with anyone.. Us having sex in the rain paled in comparison to that.

"I don't want to go..."

She stopped just as we got to the door and observed me with a straight face. I decided to skip the bra, but she didn't seem to mind until now. She put her hands underneath my breasts and lifted them up a bit. There really wasn't much she could do...I certainly did fill out nicely, despite how much she probably can't believe it. I bit back a laugh as she did; she took the opportunity to put her hands _in _my dress this time and rummage with my breasts.

"Fleur, what the hell-!"

I curled up and laughed as she kept groping me. She eventually let herself laugh before holding me in her arms. I snaked my arms around her waist and threw my head back as she pressed her nose against my shoulder and took a deep breath as she moved her head up my neck. She groaned and sighed as she got to my hair. I held her close as she breathed her warm approval in my ear..

"You smell nice."

"I smell like you..."

"Literally, oui?"

I laughed as we pulled away and kissed one last time. Who_ever _my date was honked their horn loudly. I rolled my eyes as I relinquished my hold on Fleur's lips; I could already tell I was going to have a _wonderful _time. I smiled at the beauty before me, but I saw a hint of hesitation in her eyes before she returned my gesture.

Just as I frowned with concern, she opened the door and ushered me out into the night. I was about to turn around and ask what the problem was, but she just slapped my ass. I jumped a bit in surprise and she shut the door and locked it before I could even remember to turn around.. Let alone register who my damn DATE was...

"Malfoy?" I exclaimed as I slowly walked to him standing against his silver Porsche.

"Granger! It's so wonderful to see you again!"

He pushed himself off from his car and brushed off his suit; he actually looked quite nice.. His blonde hair wasn't so slimy anymore, but it was still slicked back handsomely. I know my nose was turned up at myself more than anything for thinking that..

"_You're _my DATE?"

"No. My ass is. Please kiss it before you think to ask me a stupid question again. It's very unbecoming of the renowned Fleur Delacour's girlfriend."

"How do you know-"

He shoved a magazine cover in front of my face as I got within two steps of him; it was of Fleur and I, when I was holding her at the end of the runway. I had no idea I could even look that serious. Fleur was stunning as always, and I let out my breath as Draco threw the magazine in his back seat through the window. Then he did something even worse..._completely _and utterly _revolting._

He extended his arms out to me.

"Malfoy, I don't think-"

Draco hugged me anyway and I automatically stiffened my body. Yes, he did smell nice and everything. Michael Kors cologne, mind you. But still! It was Draco! Even if he did help us to some extent back in our glory days of the war, I did _not _want his arms around me!

"What are you doing?" I shouted as I pushed him off of me; he looked hurt.

"I'm taking you to dinner."

"...why?"

"Get in."

"What?"

"Again with the stupid questions! I think you owe my tush a big wet one, Granger."

"Ew, no!"

"Then get in."

He opened the door and grabbed my shoulder, but still somehow managed to gently guide me inside the car. I grumbled and yanked my arm away from him as I sat down. He walked in front of the car and bent over slightly, slapping his ass for me to see before continuing over to the driver's side.

"So! What kind of music do you listen to?" he asked as he started the car and drove off. I couldn't even remember to look back at Fleur's house for some kind of strength for the night.

"Um...I'm not a big fan of music, really. I only know of a few old Muggle songs, and those are rather...wait, why am I telling you this?"

"And my ass cheeks deserve a second kiss from you! Come now, does the aftereffect of having sex with Fleur really turn one into a senseless bimbo?"

I sputtered my indignation to his accusations that were...completely correct. He just laughed as he fiddled with his radio after turning the heater on. After I couldn't think of anymore names to call him, he settled on that station that played American music. It sounded like...hip hop? I frowned at him as he leaned his shoulders in time with the violin and drum beat.

"Show off that body you got! You got that dance floor so hot! You workin' that, you twerkin' that, you checkin' that, like a clock!"

"_Excuse _me?" But the sound of my voice was almost drowned out as he turned it up full blast. I felt the back of my seat vibrate with the bass..

"Aww, Granger! You really need some more refined tastes if you're going to be dating my rival! Besides, crunk is all the rage in America!"

"Crunk?"

"Yeah! I'll explain later, though," he laughed as the song changed. He turned it down slightly and smiled at me. "You have tons to learn about Fleur. TONS. I'm here to teach you."

"Why would you do that for me?"

"Because I'm her insurance tomorrow."

"Insurance?"

"Yes. I'm going to the dinner, too. Her mother adores me, really. And not like _you _adore me, okay?"

"Right..."

This was _definitely _going to be a long night...


	17. Lessons and Observations

_**XVII. **__Lessons and Observations_

_(Hermione's POV)_

When we finally arrived at whatever restaurant Draco picked out, he was grinning from ear to ear as we walked to our table after the waiter. I was gripping my Gucci purse instinctively; what the _hell _was Fleur thinking, agreeing to sell me off to this cod?

"After you," Draco said as he held out my chair for me.

I winced at him and sat down, wary that he'd pull it out underneath me and laugh. He didn't, and just strode along to his side of the table and sat down. The waiter handed us our menus and bowed before leaving. Draco sneered at him behind his back as I took in our surroundings.

It was an expensive kind of restaurant. Seafood was their specialty. I'm surprised Draco managed to get reservations here; the line outside curled around the corner of the block. It was very similar to the restaurant I found Fleur in months ago; the people were all laughing breathily, talking in fake voices, and grinning with plastic smiles. I wondered how many of them would be going home with each other that night..

"So Granger, let's start with that advice."

"Sure..."

"First, how does it feel to be with the greatest bitch in history?"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me! Fleur really is a sexy beast, but she's such a bitch."

"And you expect me to sit here and let you insult her?"

"Not at all, but you are anyway. Besides, this is all part of your therapy."

"...therapy, Malfoy?"

"Yes, _therapy. _You can't go on being head over heels for the woman. You have to show her rage every now and then. Ignore her, then keep her coming back for more."

"I'm aware of the distance bit, thank you. But what's wrong with letting myself be in love with her?"

"She's homophobic."

"Um...then please explain why she's my girlfriend."

"She. Is. A. Hooomooo phobe."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Come now, Granger. Just think about it while you browse the menu. And don't order everything in the restaurant. I know I'm loaded, but please."

I rolled my eyes at him as I opened the menu. I had no idea that Fleur was homophobic. But it didn't make any sense. We were together and happy. What was the problem in that? Draco was making it sound like asking her to marry me would be a mistake. He was making it sound like Fleur was having a hard time with something. Something she never even voiced to me before, and did a good job of hiding.

The waiter came back some time after and brought us drinks while we ordered our meals. He took the menus from us and smiled before walking away. Draco took a sip of his wine and grinned broadly before opening the floor to conversation again.

"She fears the L word, you know." (THIS is why all of my chapter names start with the letter L if you haven't noticed!)

"L word?"

"Hello? _Lesbian. _You really need to learn more about your world. Fleur's too."

"Why is she afraid of it?"

"Mmm...let's just say her parents aren't the most supportive people in the world when it comes to gays."

"And just why not?"

"Your disease."

I drank a bit of my wine to buy some time; Draco wasn't grinning or sneering at me. He looked serious. Did Fleur make me go on a date with him so that she would be saved the trouble of explaining this to me herself?

"So her parents scared her into being homophobic?"

"Pretty much. Fleur's actually quite insecure if you get to know her well enough. I haven't, though I know she has her little faults here and there. She's hardly a pristine princess by any means."

Our meals arrived, and I was surprised that Draco and I spoke the entire time in between bites and drinking. He did sneer a few times here and there, but I was too curious about everything to care.

"You have to be coquettish with her at all times. Surprising her is best. Learn something new, hence why I had you sample that crunk music earlier."

"New..? But-"

"No buts, Granger. Only Fleur's matters to you. You have to lose all inhibitions and throw yourself out there to keep her on her toes. I'm sad to say that boring Jane Granger is not going to cut it."

"My middle name is _Jean.._"

"Whatever, you know what I meant. But I'll be around whenever you come to your senses and realize that you're desperate for my help."

"I doubt it. I'm doing just fine now. She and I are happy, and Fleur doesn't seem the least homophobic at all."

"Yet."

"Yet? I know she won't. She loves me."

"Ohh you damn love birds. You think you can see everything so clearly, but you're just like Fleur. You see only what you want to see; everything else can be drowned in a sea of Fleur and hot sex. Am I right?"

"No." Yes.

"You're such a horrible liar. Don't even start with me. I'm trying to help you."

"Why _you? _You're supposed to be her rival."

"I don't like when my rival isn't rival-worthy. Even though her work is still top-notch, I can tell she's lost a bit of her passion. It seems that she's more concerned now about proving to herself that she loves you. Fleur's horrible with worrying about what people think of her, but she wants you. It's a tug-of-war with her."

"I don't believe you."

"You will. I'll be waiting for you when you finally come to your senses."

"My senses are very much in-tact, thank you. As are hers. I really don't believe that rubbish about her still being homophobic, either."

"Fine. Don't confront her about it, then. Don't say a word to her tomorrow. I expect you'll be crawling back to her home when we're done here, wanting sex. _Craving _sex. I bet you anything she's touching herself over you at this very second."

I almost choked on my lobster as he chuckled slightly. He still looked rather serious, even with his small smile. But he couldn't have been right about any of this. He was her rival; he was just trying to create a drift between Fleur and I so that he'd get the upper hand on her. I didn't want to admit it, but my love for Fleur may have been blinding. Just a bit..

"That's a real laugh, Malfoy."

"Literally, right? It turns you on to think that Fleur can get so worked up over you. So very hot and bothered to the point where she needs you there to devour her cunt senseless so she can forget her struggling. Even if just for a little while."

I was starting to lose my appetite and feel it replaced with a burning sensation in my stomach at Draco's language. I would never ever say such a thing. I know this disease is essentially gone, but even if it was still controlling me, I wouldn't...say that. But I'd believe it. I'd thrive on it.

"So am I right? Your red face tells me that I am. How about you peel those luscious lips apart that you want to suck Fleur's tits with and tell me I'm right?"

My eyes were watering again from holding my breath in. He was completely right, but my mind wasn't filled with Fleur for every second of the day like she used to be. It seems that those fantasies and thoughts were replaced with feelings of love. The way Draco was talking made me think that my romantic mind was inferior to my dirty one.

"You really need to think like me. Fleur is too used to men, but she wants you. She wants the feel of a man's hard on slamming into her wet cunt, but she wants your clean hands up her instead. She _wants _a man to talk dirty to her so she'll get off, but she wants _you _to satisfy her dirty fantasies instead. Gentle and tender my ass; Fleur needs a man."

I had no idea what to say; what to do. I was feeling extremely uncomfortable as I crossed my legs, but I knew Draco was right...

"It's just funny how she doesn't like the whole concept of a man being superior to the woman during sex. She wants control, but she wants pleasure at the same time. She finds that balance with a woman, and I know she's over the whole want of getting fucked by a man. Fleur's always changing her mind and wanting different things, but you're always constant.

"Because you're always constant, you need to be the one that changes at some point. I know she was out of her mind when she agreed to marry that Weasley man, but she wanted to prove something to her parents. It would be funny if she married you, though. But I doubt she'd say yes. No one from her family would attend; her mother's a first class old-fashioned bitch.

"So if Fleur is scared tomorrow, you need to show her rage. You need to make her grovel at your feet like I know you've been dreaming about. You need to have authority and put her in her place the ultimate way - by embarrassment. Don't give her your sappy voice and be all 'Aww, Fleur it's okay! I still love you!' Uh uh."

"That's funny..."

"What's funny?"

"Don't tell her..."

"I won't. She _is _my rival. I have a right to secrecy from her as long as you keep up your end of the bargain and do the same with me."

"Alright. I was...planning on asking her to marry me tomorrow."

"Oh, no no no. Don't. Marriage won't work. You should know the woman's scared shitless of commitment."

"I forgot about that bit.."

"Too caught up in lovey la la land, eh?"

"You're right."

"Ohh, Granger. It's no wonder she loves you so; she has so much control over you that she doesn't know what to do with herself. But at the same time, you have control over her as well."

"...really?"

"Yeah. I imagine she wants to hate you for it, but she's too in love to be bothered over the whole thing. So instead, she'll be satisfied with you chewing her out until your teeth rot with her sweet sexy juices as revenge."

I clenched my jaw in embarrassment as he laughed and continued on.

"There's a bit of danger in that. She's a sex addict. She's made you a sex addict. Are you a virgin, Granger?"

"...yes."

"Ahh, yes yes. I imagine she'd like to take care of that with a strap-on or something after some time. I hear she's quite the kinky one."

"I guess she is..."

"You need to be kinky, too. And sexy. Seductive, lustful, desirable, _wanted. _There's no room for the mundane and monotonous in the dirty, fantasy-filled world of Fleur. I imagine your little problem has rubbed off on her.

"Just like I feel no shame in talking like this, you need to learn to do the same thing. I imagine your vocabulary is a tad limited, but that's nothing a little music can't take care of. Just be open to new ideas; I doubt any of those trashy romance novels you read offer the kind of insight you need with Fleur."

"...I don't know. But what are you suggesting I do about this whole...marriage thing?"

"Well, just wait and see how she and her family acts tomorrow. Remember what I said about the authority. _And _her needing a man, but wanting you. Pretty soon she'll need you _and _want you more and more until she's coming at random over you every hour of the day. Got that?"

"Yes.."

"Good. Come see me if you want to keep taking me up on my offer. It stands until 2008 hits. So you have six days."

* * *

I said goodbye to Draco and actually thanked him for the date. I left and found a safe spot to apparate. But I didn't go home. I most certainly did not.

I apparated right to Fleur's room.

It was terribly rude of me, I know. I should have been nice and knocked on the door. But she would have taken too long to respond. Draco was completely right about her..

Fleur was masturbating on her bed in the dark. She wasn't wearing anything, either.

But any surprise at seeing me pop in her room didn't show. She just glared at me and kept going. I was soaked already from the conversation with Draco, but this just made everything worse. Blood was rushing to my head and thumping against my temples with a bit of shame and disgust with myself as I watched her.

I felt my heartbeats collide inside of me all the way down in between my legs as I watched her hand work in between hers. I slowly walked over to the edge of the bed at her feet and watched her hands for a moment with a glare of my own.

Two of Fleur's fingers disappeared inside of herself as her back arched a bit. She was moist as hell, and her lips glistened in the dark as I felt my mouth water. I wanted to shiver every time she removed her fingers from herself; she would flick her long ass nails at her clit and moan a bit before making her fingers vanish again. Fleur was getting off from watching me watch her more than anything, it seemed.

The longer I stood rooted to the spot in my soaked dress, the more her fingers would work inside of her. I heard a sloshing sound as she almost thrust her fingers inside of her at one point; her breaths were nothing more than sharp inhales and moan-filled exhales as I tried to keep my mouth from hanging open. More noises, more force, more moans, more hitches.

My mind went back to how it once was before Fleur 'cured' me. The dirty nooks and crannies began to enshroud my senses as I watched Fleur fuck herself. See, it's already started...

I tried to roam my eyes up Fleur's body, but every time I moved too far, my eyes would dart back to her ministrations. I managed to see beads of sweat on her neck, her forehead... Every time she groaned or hissed or moaned, my watery eyes would immediately fly back in between her legs. It got to the point where she was gasping sharply at every single stroke of her fingers until she exhaled deeply and relaxed her body for a moment. I knew I didn't conceal my shiver that time..

I had to keep it concealed again as she moved her fingers more and more. Faster, faster, harder harder.. Her other hand moved down to rub herself as her breath hitched and let out moans louder than ever before. I almost felt myself dripping down my legs as I watched her slam into herself over and over. Her moans kept escalating as she rubbed her hips into her hands and arched her back. Her eyes never ever left my widening ones as she reached her orgasm.

She finally threw her head back and arched more; I almost fainted at the pure ecstasy of her cries and moans. Her hips continued to buck and her legs began to shake as she moaned _my _name over and over again as she reached her climax...

My mouth fell open ages ago without my noticing. The dress was drenched. So was her underwear that I was wearing. My legs were shaking; my hands were shaking. My _mind _was shaking in between temptation or logic as she slowly removed her fingers in between soft cries as her entire body shook.

I took a deep breath as she sucked and licked away her juices and kept glaring at me. Her eyes were flashing in the moonlight; her legs were still glistening and very very _wet. _But the...authority. Distance.

Fleur looked so good, though. So tempting. I wanted to do so many things to her right now...but I also needed to keep her on her toes. She couldn't get sex from me twice in one night. But damnit...I wanted to give it to her. I wanted to make her moan myself. I wanted to lick her problems away and chew away at her silly insecurities..

I bit back my hesitations and smiled at her. I removed her dress and underwear; I had a better idea. I rubbed her underwear in between her legs to clean her up, then sniffed it before putting it in my mouth and sucking it a bit. Her eyes were wide in surprise _that _time...

I put the dress to her nose and made her sniff it as I put her underwear back in between her legs. I stuck it inside of her with a finger, then removed it slowly. I definitely got a long moan from that. But before she could drag me down with her I moved my mouth to her ear and whispered something for her thoughts.

"If you want me, you'd better work for me. I don't want anything less than heaven from you, and I'll raise hell until I think you've given it to me. So au revoir... Putain de salope. Literally, n'est-ce pas? Keep it up and maybe I'll let you fuck me tomorrow after dinner. In front of everyone, no less."

I bit her ear and sucked on it for a moment as I felt her arch into me. I blew a raspberry in her ear and laughed before apparating to my room.

Being dirty is fun.


	18. Lacrymosa

_**XVIII. **__Lacrymosa_

_(Fleur's POV)_

Before I could even knock on the door to my old house, my mother yanked it open and pulled Hermione inside by her collar. Before I could make up some excuse about why she was the _woman _with her hand up my dress in a magazine, my mother stormed off with her and mumbled something about Hermione cooking dinner for everyone, even against her will.

I stood outside the door for a while with my face on the ground, with Harry, George, Ron, Antoinette, Gabrielle, Squall, Giselle, and Dominique staring at me. Draco just pushed me along and said something to me. I didn't care what it was. My relatives were also by the door, giving me a careful stare while my mind ran a blank.

I didn't want to see anyone; I rushed upstairs to my old room, past the tens of unnecessary rooms and useless ornate decorations, only to find it completely cleared out. I stood just outside another door for a moment, but this time my face was contorted in anger. Pure disgust. I couldn't believe that my mother was still on about this whole homophobia thing.

I closed the door behind me and stood against it and slid to the floor. I sat there for a moment while I let myself think...

My mother used to drill in my head every single day for me to find a man. She wouldn't stand for her daughter growing to be a murderer, because it's supposedly in my nature to be a bitch to women. I never believed that mess about killing women with this stupid Lozenge disease until not too long ago..

Gabrielle received the same treatment, and we did not grow up with the typical nurturing mother than one would expect women of our stature to have. Our mother was very cold towards us, and refused to let our father put her in her place. It's gotten to the point now where even he is afraid of her. He never speaks to anyone, really..

I always got so mad whenever I thought of my mother when I was growing up. I wanted to be a rebel; I believed in anarchy. But I fell into the spiral of her approval because men were so easy.

Because I was always getting put down by her my whole life, I found solace in doing the same thing to everyone else. Men just so happened to be in the right place of the right time. Her approving tone of my habits stopped buzzing in my ears, and slowly grew into my false self-confidence that even I believed was real...for such a long, long time.

There have only been two times in my life when I let the buzzing turn into my mother's voice. The first time was when Bill asked me to marry him..

The second time was when I was staring at Hermione in my car that night. I just didn't know it.

It's just so funny...my self-destructive behavior right now is all because of my mother. I deal with the consequences of following her rules, even though I tried so hard to run away from them. I turned into my own little version of her.

Mini-Apolline, they called me. I looked just like her, acted just like her, and carried myself just like her. I could never find satisfaction in my love life, and I knew it when I said yes to Bill. I wanted to reap in the tiny moment of glory; seeing the approval in my mother's eyes when I told her of the marriage would be enough.

But it wasn't enough. Eighteen years of having her beliefs shoved down my throat made me want to throw them back up in her face when I saw her eyes light up. Seeing her smile and nod approvingly, bustling about to inform everyone...it was demeaning. It broke me.

I didn't want _her _to be happy; _I _wanted to be happy. But she made me think I didn't deserve it. She made me think that I'd never be able to change out of the mold she built me out of; no one could ever love me for the Fleur I truly am.

But I sort of knew the underlying reason why she was so adamant about making me homophobic, and instead supported me being a hoe.

My mother was convinced that no one would ever be good enough for me.

Her Fleur was too perfect. Fleur was a temptress, not someone's goddess to call their own. Fleur was meant to be a part of everyone's world; touch every single one of them to spread the sweet wonder that is Fleur Delacour. She is scared that I'll touch a woman this way, and this woman won't be good enough for me. The woman will die because I've grown to be so narcissistic and conniving that I won't give a damn about her disease.

But Hermione... She knows that I'm an insecure crybaby. She knows that I struggle with my identity because I'm so worked up about what people think of me.

She knows that I'm up here crying right now. 'Lacrymosa' was what my mother used to call Gabrielle and I whenever she caught us crying. The song by Evanescence truly scares the hell out of me because of that. It's a secret I'll take to my grave and beyond..

Just as I thought back to the scathing remarks my mother made to us about eating a woman out, I heard someone sniffling on the other side of the door. I stood and opened it without a second thought..

Gabrielle rushed inside and held me while Draco rubbed the back of his head and stepped in my empty room. He closed the door as I sat down with Gabrielle in my arms. I felt like an idiot for crying in front of him, but he just sat down quietly and cleared his throat while my sister and I tried to control ourselves.

"Potter's helping her cook. I guess it was for the best; he and Weaselby still looked kind of tense with me around. And uh...yeah, your mom's pissed. No sugarcoating here. Your dad's being evasive as usual. Don't expect to go crying to him."

"Draco, I am so sick of zis," Gabrielle said as she dried her eyes. "She cleared out my room as well.."

"What? She knows you're a lesbian?"

"Non...but she zinks I am, just because I am not a slut."

"_Are_ you a lesbian?"

No response..

"So you're bisexual?"

Gabrielle nodded and chose not to say anything else after that. Draco and I looked mildly surprised, but we sort of already knew..

"Well...at any rate, I don't think you should come out today. You either, Fleur, even though it's kind of already out there."

"Why not? I know 'Ermione is going to get mad at me; I know you told 'er about my muzzer's problem."

"I did...but uh...you probably want to wait until Thanksgiving."

"...zat is eleven monz from now, Draco."

"B-but haven't you heard the old American tale?"

"...non."

Draco cleared his throat and put on his infomercial voice as I rolled my eyes and laughed a bit; the man was good for comic relief..

"Thanksgiving celebrates the day the girl Indians introduced the girl pilgrims to sex. They called it 'maize.' Uh huh. B-because...lesbian sex is very confusing, and if you're not careful one can lose their way."

Gabrielle and I actually burst out laughing as Draco made a gesture with his hands by his face, suggesting he was searching through hedges. He chuckled as I wiped my eyes and smiled as I took a deep breath.

"I'm just kidding, Fleur. But seriously, Granger's _pissed. _I took a peek in the kitchen, and she was blowing her top off while Potter nodded and winced at her rant. I really suggest you follow her lead tonight."

"What..lead?"

"I don't know what she has in mind, really. But be careful. She's a dangerous bitch now. Better watch out, Fleur!"

"...I've noticed."

"I knew it! She popped back in your room and spotted you touching yourself?"

"...yes."

Gabrielle raised an eyebrow at me and chose to let go of me as I sighed. I knew I was blushing, but Draco was just laughing. I had no idea where she found the will to act that way last night, but I wasn't complaining.. She was keeping me begging for more, and I...

"You hate her for it, don't you?"

"Not exactly. I find it invigorating."

"Ohh, that's good. But I think her little disease is coming back."

"What?"

"Yep.. Didn't you see her hands shaking? She kept licking her lips, too. Antoinette told me she kept shifting in her seat, too."

"...well zat is just...wonderful."

"How about you let it run its course for a little while longer?"

"Why in ze would would I do zat? She can die from zis, you know!"

"She'll live every day like it's her last. With you. That, I'm afraid, is what you need."

Draco actually put a hand on my shoulder before standing up. He opened the door and gave me one last penny for my thoughts before leaving.

"Oh, and stop crying. It never helps any. I still have no idea why you cried and broke that Evanescence CD I gave you last year, but whatever. 'S long as it has nothing to do with track number seven, I'll live. You should listen to it again some time."

My heart skipped several beats when he mentioned..._listening _to that song again. He winked at Gabrielle before leaving. Um...gross? Gabrielle certainly did look disgusted as he shut the door and faced me again.

"'E doesn't know about ze Lacrymosa zing, Fleur... Don't worry about it."

"Alright...but it is just so stupid. 'Ermione is pissed off. One, because maman is being a bitch, and two, she is sick. Again. And Draco expects it will do me some good to just let 'er be."

"So she will stop being sick if you two do what...?"

"'Ave sex while crying..."

"Oh.. She might die if you do not.. But at ze same time, I don't zink you will ever get over zis 'ole torment maman 'as put us zrough if you settle for 'Ermione 'ow she was before."

"But Gabrielle! 'Ow selfish is zat? She is suffering-"

"Zere is no'zing wrong wiz craving sex every second of every day. No'zing is wrong wiz wanting you, _loving _you. I don't ever want you to cry again over zis. Over any'zing."

"If she dies I _am _going to cry, Gabrielle! Don't you understand?"

"Fleur, you are being insensitive."

"INSENSITIVE? You're ze one being _insensitive! _If she dies, zere won't be anyone to crave me, love me, _fuck me, _Gabrielle!"

"You told me years ago you would do any'zing to get rid of ze scars maman gave us. And you _never _go back on your word. Since when do you care about 'er? Since when do you put 'er life before passion and satisfaction?"

"I 'ave changed!"

"But you still love 'er more zan yesterday because she is sexy and changed because of zis disease. You don't love 'er for 'oo she is, Fleur. You love 'er for what she can do for you. Admit it; if 'Ermione never changed, you would not 'ave fallen for 'er. You are attracted to flattery; she flattered you by changing for you. Am I right?"

Again with my sister breaking down my walls... But I was too blinded to even see the truth in her words until now. I really wouldn't love Hermione to begin with if it weren't for her changes. Her disease. Her...lust-filled hatred of me. I was, once again, torn..

"You are. But I still care for 'er at ze same time. I find comfort in knowing zat she is safe from dying too soon, but I also like how her...destructive behavior comforts me. Ze occasional tender moments are what I need. But zere are o'zer times, like last night, when my sex drive blows out of proporzion and I need ze right kind of 'Ermione to tame me."

"And zere is still ze 'ole zing about you being afraid to trust 'er completely. So why not get rid of zat need and let 'er run amock to satisfy you? Zat _is _what you want, and zat is _all _you want. I know you, Fleur. I also trust zat you are strong enough to put 'er in 'er place if needed before she makes you cry."

"But I'm not sure I can-"

"Non. Don't give me zat bullshit, Fleur. She's turned you into a hesitant, insecure, crybaby of an idiot. And yes, I am insulting you. It seems zat ze only way to really kick you in ze ass is to insult you while pointing out ze truth."

"You know me too well."

"I know. So just follow 'Ermione's lead tonight. Fool 'er into some'zing, but do every'zing in your power to turn it around and check 'er. Too much power in 'er 'ands is dangerous."

"Alright.. I know maman is going to say some'zing to 'er at dinner tonight, but she won't say a word to us. I assure you."

"Oh, I know. I will just sit back and enjoy ze show. I trust zat you will zink of some'zing good to shut 'er right up. 'Ermione too, no less."

* * *

I was surprised to discover that the rest of my relatives were (secretly) supportive of Hermione and I. They spoke in low voices, shifting their eyes from side to side as they gave me their regards. My father was jumpy and paranoid as usual, and took to dashing off towards his studies whenever Gabrielle or myself floated past. I really didn't care about him anymore; he was so useless.

Men...

I didn't dare go visit Hermione in the kitchen. I knew I was playing a shady game with her, and I _knew _she'd hate me if I told her what I was up to. But she's stuck with me. That hate will always be let out in the form of sex for my pleasure, so what was the point in fighting it..?

I fell in love with her, completely forgetting about my mother. That was a sign that I should not let her out of my life until something beyond my control takes her away.

Death was inevitable. Letting her find out about this, or letting her die because of too much pressure, was not. My love will be enough to keep her relatively stable.

I trust my intuition to find the balance.

* * *

Antoinette and the others were mumbling amongst themselves in a corner, so I went to go visit them. Ron was giving Draco furtive looks; Harry was in the kitchen with Hermione, so he was vulnerable.

It didn't help that Ron was rather irritable with Harry; they weren't speaking for whatever reason today. Plus, Ron got a haircut so that his forehead was actually visible. Gabrielle was also looking a tad uncomfortable being so close to Draco, but I just rolled my eyes.

"Fleur, zere you are," Giselle said. "Draco and Gabrielle explained every'zing to us."

"Oh, good. Just remember to not say or do any'zing at dinner later on."

"Right," said Ron.

But Draco was giving Ron a rather strange look as he observed his head closely. Ron turned a bit red as he spoke up about this.

"What's your problem?"

"Me? Oh, nothing! I just can't say the same about you."

"What are you on about? I'm fine!"

"I understand completely, Weasley," Draco said with a straight face as he practically used Ron's forehead as a mirror to adjust his hair. "Your large, shiny forehead needs some powder."

"...excuse me?"

"I, on the other hand, look fan_tas_tic...!"

"Stop it, you bat!"

Draco looked offended and snorted as everyone else laughed, myself included. I shook my head and decided to take care of Ron and Draco before it got too heated.

"Look, why don't you all go and...mingle? Get to know people. I know most of you 'ave been to zese zings 'undreds of times, but you never speak wiz anyone."

"Fine," Draco sighed. "Which one was the one you said had the problem with oxy-cotton?"

"Oh, that'd be me," my cousin Amelie said casually as she passed by.

"Let's get to know each other," Draco said, also rather casual, as he strode off with her into the parlor. Everyone shook their heads and wandered off, except for Ron. I walked over to him.

"Ron? Don't tell me you are still upset about 'Arry."

"Hmph. I dunno. I guess I'm alright. I was hoping he'd say something about my hair, you know. He loved it when it was long."

"Oh.."

"But hey, I'm here to support you and Hermione. I can already see that your mum's a bit...deranged."

"She is.."

"Don't worry. I'll stick with you tonight so you don't feel the least bit awkward."

I smiled at him and told him thank you just as another one of my cousins, Alain, walked in the door. He raised his eyebrows momentarily at me then looked at Ron.

"Hey."

"H-hey."

"Nice hair."

"Thanks..."

Alain walked away, but I noticed how red Ron's face became. I shrugged it off and decided to pretend like I didn't notice.

"Zank you again, Ron-"

"Yeah, buzz off, there's a hot guy here."

Ron floated away after my cousin (who was rather...attractive), and left me standing alone. Though, I wasn't too alone; I saw Squall sulking nearby. I raised my eyebrows and walked over to him while I tried to forget about Ron for the moment.

"Why ze long face, hm? I told you all to mingle."

"Ron took the guy I wanted to mingle with," he mumbled, pointing in the direction Alain and Ron went as he averted my gaze. I held back a laugh.

"Well...mingle with Alain's sister, Adrienne," I said, taking him over to where she was sitting by herself. "She is about to get married, she 'as a nice 'ouse, and 'er fiancee is well-esteemed in Paris."

"Ohh, wooo. Jackpot. Lemon, lemon, lemon; I win a dull night!"

Squall skulked over to Adrienne while I shook my head and sighed. People really were picking a fine time to let their personalities show. I suppose I needed the break from wondering and wondering about Hermione. Just as I thought that, I saw my mother stalk through the room and nearly scare Harry half to death as he walked over to me. He looked quite pale while I tried to ignore my mother, who was also ignoring me.

"Um...s-so have you spoken to Hermione yet?"

"Non."

"Oh.. Well, she isn't looking very well in there right now. She's dropped nearly five eggs, chopped up a slice of butter, and almost shoved the turkey stuffing up my nose when I tried to help her just now."

"I see..."

Just when I thought Harry's face would freeze in that frightened mold, Ron came by and laughed as he draped his arms around Harry's neck for a moment. Ron pulled away and relaxed against the wall as Harry glared at him. This was turning into an interesting night..

"What's wrong with you?" Harry asked sharply.

"I just met the hottest guy."

Alain walked by again and raised his eyebrows at Harry in that same fashion before looking to Ron.

"Hey."

"Heeyyy."

Ron chuckled as he watched Harry steam. I should have stepped in, but Harry seemed to be handling things well enough...

"Ohh, yeah he is hot. You should so do him, Ron. I bet he'd love it."

"But I can't! It's so inappropriate, and where?"

"Well geez, anywhere! Half the house is covered in plastic!" Harry hissed as he made a general gesture around the living room.. Which was indeed covered in plastic. My mother was extremely old-fashioned. But that wasn't the point...

"Oh yeahhh, I know! But how would I even do it?"

"That's a good question. Fleur, do you mind answering that for me? I have no idea."

"Ehm... I zink you are asking ze wrong person..."

"Ohh, no Fleur, no!" Ron said, waving a hand at me and laughing. Draco came back over to us and raised an eyebrow at Harry's passive aggresiveness. "I meant how do I _start _it?"

"'Ow am I supposed to know? I am not a gay man!"

"But you've screwed a man," Draco said simply.

"...not in a while."

"Ohhh ho ho. You're rusty! The olllddd whore is rusty!"

"Draco.."

"Well, you have! Oh, I'm sorry. Hermione might hear you, that's right. But what's the problem here?"

"Nothing," Harry mumbled.

"Ohh there's something!"

"Shove off."

"Pssh, fine. I'll go grace Squally with my presence. Fleur, why don't you join me?"

"Sure.."

We left Harry and Ron to glare at each other for a while as we went over to Squall and Adrienne. Adrienne was looking extremely uncomfortable while Squall motioned for us to come over.

"Guys, guess what? The wedding's off! Adrienne's a lesbian!"

"WHAT?"

"Fleur, calm down, you heard me! Isn't this great news?"

"I didn't tell you to tell them!" Adrienned hissed. "The blonde man looks shady!"

"Hey, I heard that! And I am not _shady!_ Squall trusts me. And Fleur. He only told us because he knows how supportive we are!"

"Really? Oh, thank you. I've been meaning to get this out and-"

"Yeah, uh huh, I'm talking. But you CAN'T come out tonight. No."

"What? Why not?"

"Because my muzzer will get angry at you.."

"Why? She is such a kind woman, and..."

"Okay listen, Adrienne-"

Draco tried to sit on the plastic-covered couch with me, but he promptly slipped and fell with a thud to the floor. I forgot my nerves for a moment as I bit back a laugh and helped him up. He mumbled some kind of thank you and slipped again as he sat, and Squall and I snorted loudly to keep from laughing as Draco glared at us. He hopped over the couch and sat on his knees as he smoothed his hair and shirt down and spoke up.

"Okay.. Trust me. I'm Fleur's friend. Not like she and Hermione are 'friends.'"

"...I'm aware of their relationship."

"And I'd appreciate it if you'd drop ze sarcasm and let me explain, Draco."

"Fine, fine."

"Adrienne, please. I am planning for only one coming out tonight. My muzzer will take 'er anger out on you if you do decide to say any'zing."

"But why? She's so nice to me, Fleur."

"Zat is only because you are denying yourself 'appiness by marrying a man."

"...oh. I see. Plus, the only reason I haven't told anyone was because my parents have been dreaming of my wedding forever. I'm the only girl in the family and my brothers all have boyfriends."

"Adrienne," Squall said. "It's not going to kill them to know that their only girl loves only girls. Besides, they've done everything right; they raised all their kids gay!"

"But not now," Draco added hastily. "I'm sure you have all the makings of a wonderful lesbian, and you'll make a bunch of cats a fine mother some day." I stared at him but he just winked at me. "But not tonight. Tonight is Fleur and Hermione's night. So later."

"Draco!" Squall hissed. Draco looked surprised to be addressed in such a way.. "I'm ashamed of you! And Fleur, too! This is one of the hardest things for a gay person to do, trust me. And being a lesbian is _very _close to being a gay person!"

"Squall..." I rubbed my temples and he apologized profusely as Draco chuckled and spoke up.

"Just...tell them later, please? We need this night reserved for Fleur and Hermione."

"Later when?"

"Thanksgiving."

"What..? Why Thanksgiving? It's December now."

"Ohhh, Adrienne..."

Draco went on to explain the story to her, and she seemed to understand completely. Even Squall nodded vacantly and agreed with Draco's reasoning. I assumed that little tale would get people every single time..

"But Fleur, why only you tonight?"

"I 'ave plans for 'Ermione. Do not say a word to anyone about zis, Adrienne. Draco, Squall; you as well."

"Alright, alright," Draco yawned. Squall and Adrienne nodded.

I was feeling somewhat apprehensive about the evening all of a sudden while my father and Adrienne's unsuspecting fiancee came and sat down nearby. Draco and I decided it would be a fine time to leave, but Squall stayed with Adrienne. We found Harry and Ron again, except Harry's hair looked rather ruffled for some reason while Ron was seething.

"Oh, didn't I tell you?" Harry asked airily; he appeared to be rather tipsy. I had a feeling he was faking... "I can roll dice with my tongue, Ron. Dice..!"

"Hey," Alain said as he came back in the room and went over to Harry. "Here's your dice back."

"HEY!" Ron shouted as Alain did the eyebrow thing again and grinned before strutting away. He turned his attention to Harry. "What did you do?"

"Ohhh you were right, Ron! That was just what I needed!"

"You made out with him?"

"Aww, what? Once he took his shirt off there was nothing left to talk about!"

While Harry and Ron kept bickering, Draco and I glanced at each other nervously; this was definitely a very strange evening... Just then, Alain came back and gave a look to Draco.

"Hey."

"Hey?"

"HEY!" Harry and Ron yelled in unison as Alain strode across the room with a grin plastered on his handsome face.

"I'm _straight, _thank you!" Draco yelled.

"Besides," Ron said smugly. "He's mine."

"What? You can't be serious," Harry said.

"He is. I made out with him, too."

"Yeah well, he gave me a hickey."

"Hah, he gave me a child! I'm pregnant, Harry!"

"No you're not. You can't get pregnant from kissing!"

"Oh, thank Merlin!"

"Malepreg, wooo..." Draco mumbled under his breath as he took me with him as he walked off. Harry and Ron were still bickering..

"What the hell is up with people tonight?"

"I 'onestly don't know.. But I am getting ze feeling zat my so-called plans won't make zings any better."

"What, lost your nerve? No, Fleur. You're sticking with them no matter what. I'll make sure Hermione gets angry enough to make them happen. Just don't chicken out on me."

"Whatever you say, Draco..."

* * *

Dinner was finally ready. I questioned Hermione's cooking abilities, as Harry told me she never cooks at all. But I had a feeling we wouldn't be eating dinner that night, anyway. Not that kind of dinner.

I sat next to my silent mother at the table with a free seat next to me for Hermione. I noticed Alain giving Ron suggestive looks, but then I remembered something; Alain was sixteen. Ron was Hermione's age. So was Harry..

Just as I felt like groaning in irritation, Hermione, Harry, and Draco brought out the food. My mother was the first to claw her hands through it to sample everything. My coward of a father stood and raised his wine glass just as Draco and Harry sat down.

"Err...since Hermione has been so kind as to cook our meals...I think she should take the honor of doing the toast this year. To celebrate her and F- Um. Hermione, do say a few...words...for us."

My mother was stubbornly looking at her plate as my father staggered back down to his seat, but her aura was just teeming with fury at him. Hermione refused to look at me as she put a fake plastic smile on her face and raised her wine glass. Everyone gave her their attention, but only I seemed to notice how hard she was trying to keep her hand from shaking..

"Well, I'm very glad to have prepared the food in front of us. All _Fleur _and I wanted tonight was for this..._warm _family to be together."

"Turkey's a little dry," my mother said audibly as I clenched my jaw. They were playing _that _game..

"_Noooo _it isn't," Hermione said under her breath. "Because when you think about it, what _is _a perfect Christmas?"

"These potatoes aren't fresh."

"Ohh yes they are.. It's not about presents, or magazine covers, your _girlfriends, _or-"

"Salad forks, where are they? I certainly don't have one-"

"But certainly, Christmas is about family and _girl_friends-"

"What are we supposed to do, eat this with our hands-"

"What is WRONG with you, woman?" Everyone jumped slightly at her indignation except for my mother. I slowly sunk in my chair... "It's like you expect me to do all of this for you, and because you hate me SO much, you have to degrade me every chance you get?

"All I wanted was for you to like me. Because I love Fleur, and Fleur loves me. But no, you just can't accept that for whatever stupid reasons! I've been working my ass off, trying to make this PERFECT for you.

"Of course, I've been keeping everything ELSE under control, too! Your sixteen-year-old nephew made out with a man nearly twice his age!" Hermione yelled, pointing at Harry, who was also sinking. Alain was grinning..

"And then with another man, TEN times his age!" She pointed to Ron this time. He merely waved to my mother and raised his eyebrows at Harry. George was giving Ron a furtive look.

"Your soon-to-be married niece is a lesbian!" Hermione shouted, pointing to Adrienne. She, too, sunk in her seat while everyone looked at her, including my mother.

"But did you HEAR about any of that? NO! Not until _just _now when I _accidentally _BLURTED it out!"

My mother looked extremely surprised while Hermione took deep breaths and slammed her wine glass down. She gave me a nasty look before continuing on..

"But guess what, Mrs. Delacour? Your oldest daughter and I ARE DATING. We've kissed, we've fucked, we've done everything under the sun and rain, and we love each other! She can't attest to that because she's too busy quaking under her skin to admit it! I don't know why, and I don't care.

"And now, I'm guessing the rest of the family hates me, so I'm going to go! Harry, Ron, George, your coats please, let's go-"

"Wait a minute."

Harry, Ron, and George stopped mid-scramble for the door and Hermione slowly turned around. I was too stunned to even move; I was _not _expecting that from Hermione. At all.. My mother was on her feet, just a few steps away from Hermione as she spoke.

"You love my Fleur?"

Hermione relaxed her face and looked at me. I felt nothing but nerves enshroud me as she did, but I knew I had to do something. Think, think...

"Yes."

My mother nodded then turned back to face me. I had to remember what Gabrielle and Draco said, though.. I had to.

"And you love her? This woman? You lured her in and snaked your so-called love around her heart? You fooled her into believing you changed? You fooled her into believing you love her to prove me wrong? Is that it?"

I decided to wait. I wanted to see what Hermione would do. I really had no answer to her leading questions, anyway. I tried to pretend to look as frightened as possible while still looking believable. Hermione stuck her chest out and slowly sashayed her way over to me, literally, and held my face in her hand. I glared at her and saw her stare crack slightly.

I got her.

"You believed 'er, hm? You believed zose zings she no doubt told you about me? I'm disgusted."

I stood up and stuck out _my _chest as hers deflated. She let go of my face and took a cautious step back. I kept going forward, and she kept going back, back, back...to the living room. It eventually got to the point where she fell back on the couch and I did not hesitate to slip my body right on top of hers. I definitely got a blush out of that..

I didn't care that my entire family was staring. Draco was doing something with his wand, but it didn't matter. I didn't give a damn that Hermione had gone back into her bitch mode and thought she had the upper hand on me. Actually, it was a turn on; seeing her with so much authority, then ripping it back and teasing her with it in my mouth.

Kissing her might have been included in that whole thing. Maybe.

"Raise 'ell, hm?" I whispered in her mouth in between kisses. "_Me, _work for you..? Last time I checked, _you _worked under _me. _Not ze ozzer way around, 'Ermione. Non..."

I slid my hand underneath her shirt and played with a thing or two. I felt her eyes widen in shock as she squirmed underneath me, but she was not getting off the hook for last night. Hell no.

"And you are such...a coward. 'Ere we are...in front of everyone...and yet..."

I undid her jeans and used my legs and feet to tear them down her legs. It was too late to bother wondering about my family and friends surrounding us. They disappeared to me long ago, just like Hermione's so-called determination. She had nothing on me. She truly had a LOT to learn before she could even _think _of challenging my sex appeal.

"I am fucking you in front of everyone, ma chere. And zis isn't _working _for you... Zis is owning you like ze.. Putain de salope..._you _are."

I did the unthinkable and moved my mouth all the way down. I bit at her soaked underwear and manuevered my way inside. I kept her arms away, but she stopped struggling as soon as my tongue found her. Ohh yes; a gasp and a hiss. It was a good start. But I needed so much more..

"You 'ave no idea 'oo you zink you are messing wiz... None. Whatsoever."

Mmm, a groan. I licked and ripped at her continuously. Because I wanted more. She wasn't giving it to me. Stubborn as always, of course.. I figured maybe my finger would help. And...yes, that did it. Only a strained moan, but that was fine. Perfectly fine. We were getting somewhere, just like her climax was. I knew she was. I felt her hips rocking against me; she was half-assing in her resisting.

_So _much to learn.

"No one controls my emotions, 'Ermione... You are lucky.. I love you. Ozzerwise...I would not be fucking you right now.. I should 'ave...nozing to prove to you. At all. But.. you are lucky..."

Ahh yes! A loud moan! I smiled against her and sped everything up as I tried to keep my little pep talk going.

"I do love you.. But you do not...control me. I am ze one...'oo does ze controlling. I am ze one 'oo...makes you wet. I make you come and scream and _moan-" _Got another one. And another one. "Only when I zink you 'ave done a...good job. You are...now."

She hissed as I stuck two fingers inside of her this time and kept going like nothing happened. Mmm, yes she was definitely getting there. She was panting now. And arching her back. Definitely, definitely..

"It turns me on...to see you so...bitchy and zinking you are in control... And it is fun...to put you...in your place.. Keep...it up. Zis, too."

There, there, there! She got there and moaned so loud that my ears screeched with joy and _my _body shivered. I kept licking her right up as I slowly came back to earth as she flew high above it..

People were watching. Everyone was watching.. But did I care?

No.

Hermione did, though. I apparated away just for effect. Besides, she wouldn't stay angry for long. She was just what I needed... Once her pants fly off, I have nothing left to worry about. Or cry about.

Goodbye Lacrymosa, hello Hermione...


	19. Lackadaisical

_**XIX. **__Lackadaisical_

_(Hermione's POV)_

I feel really stupid right now.

After Fleur's little _show _for her family, I apparated back home. It was ridiculous. I didn't even know what to think. My mind was literally blank while I showered _alone. _I put on some decent clothes and grabbed the presents for my parents before apparating near their house. They tend to freak out whenever I apparate directly inside.

While I walked down the familiar Muggle surburbia that night, it was the first time in a long time that I felt so confused. I know being in love with Fleur and not knowing how to deal with her at first was confusing.

But there was just something about her...something so very _cunning _about her thought process just now. She fooled me into thinking one thing, then she turned around and showed me something else. I don't know...

I unlocked the door and entered the dark hallway. I'm guessing my parents were either asleep or almost asleep. The TV was on in the living room, and there sat my mum and dad in the dark, watching with smiles on their faces.

They didn't seem to notice me, so I walked further into the room and sat their presents down on the table. They finally looked at me while I just collapsed on the couch right in between them. Dad hugged me and spoke up first.

"Hermione! We were wondering when you were going to show up."

"Sorry..I got a little side-tracked."

Mum put her arm around me as well while I buried my face in my hands. I know I couldn't play it off like I wasn't upset or confused with them. Besides, I can't remember the last time I actually spoke face to face with either of them about my personal life..

"There are a lot of things I haven't told you about myself. I should have years ago. Two years ago, to be exact. I just...don't even know why I'm confused right now."

"Confused how?"

"Well, first let me explain something.. I'm dating a woman. Fleur Delacour. She's so beautiful and successful and...conniving. I love her but I hate her. I hate the reason why I love her.."

"I have a feeling there's something much deeper than that.."

"Yes, mum...there is."

I went on to explain the whole deal with the Lozenges and what she and I have been up to. I told them what she was like before, and how she is now. I left nothing out; not even the sex. They listened calmly the entire time, and I really felt a huge weight off of my shoulders. But there was still something...bothering me. Mum noticed, of course.

"So you think there's something wrong with that? Fleur usually wouldn't trick you?"

"She wouldn't.. But now I know how it feels. Remember I said I did that to her a few times?"

"Yes, we remember," dad said. "You think she's starting to like the sick Hermione more than the normal one?"

"I think so...but I did say that if she lets me go like this for too long, I'll die."

"Hermione...I don't think she'd be that selfish."

"She can be. You remember what I told you she said on the couch..."

"But sweetie," mum said carefully. "Didn't you taunt her last night about, well, letting her have sex with you in front of everyone at dinner tonight? Maybe it was just because of that."

"No...I don't know. I'm just really paranoid that she's keeping something else from me. If she is, then she's insulting my intelligence."

"Just like you did to her."

"It doesn't feel so nice to be on the other end, does it?" dad asked.

"No...it doesn't. I really don't know what to do. Asking her would be the obvious, but then she could deny it. I know she would. Then she'd probably just try to get me all worked up and have sex with me after."

"Then don't give it to her," mum said simply.

"The longer I go without it, the more my symptoms come back. After a while, I won't be able to help it. But at the same time, the symptoms will keep coming back unless either of us are crying when we do it. I don't know how to make her cry anymore."

"She's going to make you cry, Hermione," dad said. "And by the sound of it, she won't let anything happen while you are. If she resists your advances while you're crying, then you'll have your answer."

"And dear, if she does that, then you call her out on it. You can't be with someone who's trying to..."

"To what, mum..? Just say it, please.."

"Kill you."

"And Hermione, no matter what you say or do around her, it's going to show that you're confused and upset over this. You're not stoic, no matter how much you want to try. That's a good thing. It's not good to keep things inside."

"You're right, dad. There is something else bothering me, too."

"What's that?"

"I get the feeling she only fell in love with me because I changed for her. I mean, the whole career thing and the stalking. She gets a kick out of flattery; there's no denying that she's still like that.

"I mean, say I did just start liking her, and not because of my Lozenge being down. She would have laughed right in my face if I told her."

"She wouldn't have been flattered?" mum asked.

"No.. I doubt it. But she said she likes it when I think I have the upper hand, then she can snatch it away and catch me off guard. I usually don't care about things like that. She likes it when I'm bitchy and hungry for her, but I wouldn't be like that if I were normal."

Mum and dad looked at each other while I stared straight ahead, as if to tell the other that I was right. They had nothing to say. Although, there is one little thing I left out earlier. One very important thing...

"By the way...while I was talking to Draco, he said I should throw one of my ideas out for her."

"Which idea?" dad asked.

"I was going to ask her to marry me today...but I guess that plan's out the window. I made her a dress and everything. The ring I bought her cost me nearly two hundred and seventy thousand francs. I knew this was going to happen, but I was too stupid to believe my instincts. Stupid, stupid, stupid..."

They both hugged me again and didn't move an inch. I felt that anger bubbling inside of me again. It kept rising and rising to my eyes, and I just cried while I went on another tirade. My parents just rubbed my back and shoulder to keep me from shaking too much the whole time..

"I shouldn't have believed that bullshit about her changing! 'I 'ave changed, 'Ermione. You 'elped wiz zat.' Whatever. I'm stuck with her now, and I can't do a thing about it!

"But you know what, despite this disease, I may fall out of love with her soon. This is unhealthy, unbearable, and unworthy of my energy. She snaked her way around my heart and mind. Every time I kiss her, I'm going to feel like I'm sucking her damn venom now.

"Every time I...fuck her, for _her _pleasure, I'm going to keep sucking and drinking her venom! And if I'm crying for her to fuck me, _begging _her to fuck me when it's right, she'll just LAUGH in my face! I can't believe her!"

My stress levels shot above and beyond the ceiling of the dark, TV-lit living room. Every negative emotion you could think of started to boil and spill inside of me, making me yell and shout as I felt the stings of the burning mess inside of me.

My whole body was trembling like an earthquake. My eyes kept pouring tears like a waterfall while I wailed and yelled. My parents tightened their hold on me, but I felt like thrashing around. Hitting myself. Killing myself.

Killing Fleur.

* * *

My parents asked that I sleep in my old room that night. I didn't feel like going back home, so I obliged. They offered dinner, but I couldn't stomach anything except for my negative emotions. My dreams that night didn't help at all with my appetite, either.

I kept seeing her face. She'd smile and beckon me closer with her eyes. But the closer I got to her, the more her naked body would reveal itself to me. I felt myself squirming around to touch her. Feel her. Scratch her. Rip into every inch of her perfect body. But she never let me get close enough.

I knew I was crying. She just laughed and blew me a kiss. She teased me, confused me, angered me, soothed me, satisfied me...she did everything imaginable to me by just _looking _at me, at least. But I felt so stupid and needy and dependent of her. Just as she wanted.

I found myself hating her all over again as I woke up, drenched in tears and sweat..

The memories we had together might have been a complete lie. Fleur always had to find some loophole to avoid true commitment. She can never give into anyone completely, because they start to see that she's nothing more than an insecure crybaby hiding behind a coquettish exterior.

I really don't know if her parents, or mother, is to blame for this. I may be overanalyzing things again, but it may be because my sane side is too forgiving and understanding.

Well, I'm tired of caring. I'm tired of giving people the benefit of the doubt. My two best friends acted up at that damn dinner, and Fleur actually had the gall to embarrass me to prove a point to me. I know I sort of egged her on, but that wasn't _me _talking.

Fleur does that to me. She does everything to me because I think things over too much. I overanalyze, overthink, overspeculate everything because it's in my nature. But she just runs away from one thing after another.

I can't be the one running. She has me bound by the chains like her belt. She has me trapped in those claws that she calls nails. She has me lost and confused in the vast field of silvery-blonde silk of her hair. Her touch, her voice, her scent, her sex...they've drugged me.

But I'm supposed to be above all of that. I know I can run, too. I know I have a sane side somewhere.. I just can't keep a hold on it for very long.

It always slips through my legs whenever I come for her. And Merlin knows I can't control that part of me.

But if she can't love me for who I am, then she'll suffer the consequences. I'm not changing for anyone, and if she can't accept me, then that's her problem. I'm not going to put up with her antics anymore if I keep getting any hints that my suspicions about her plans are correct.

She can be the one running from me. I'm not in the mood to put on my fake voice and be all 'Aww Fleur, it's okay that you want to kill me! I still love you!'

And that means I'm not taking Draco up on his offer. He and Fleur can run after me, too, if they're so desperate to change me for their amusement.

Being stoic might just work for me. Not feeling anything for Fleur might be the best thing that'll ever happen to me.


	20. Lapses of Dancing: Sexward Bound

_**XX. **__Lapses of Dancing: Sexward Bound_

_(Hermione's POV)_

It was the night of New Year's Eve, and George just had to drag me along with everyone else to go to some place. He and I were in the very back of Antoinette's Navigator, while the twins were in front of us, and Gabrielle was in the front with Antoinette. Harry, Ron, Squall, and Draco were in Fleur's car, and they were following us.

The good news is that Harry and Ron stopped arguing. And some more good news is that I'm still pissed off at Fleur. No one other than George seemed to catch on, and he was being wise to not say anything to me right now.

I really didn't feel like going anywhere. I ended up staying at my parents' house until George called me a few hours ago and asked that I go. My parents were a little apprehensive when I told them, but I assured them I wouldn't open my mouth for anyone. I was just going to spend some quality time fuming and not showing any expression at all.

But now I'm glad that I went; I'm starting to realize something. Something I was very stupid to ignore before.

Gabrielle had her phone open the whole time. I remember a few weeks back when George had his phone open for apparently no reason as well. _And _I remember when Fleur randomly put her phone down by her bed once she was done stripping me down that night of my birthday. Andre probably missed the mute button on accident and had Vu come in to make me think it was broken. Fleur took every opportunity she could to spy on me.

Do they think I'm stupid? Does _she _think I'm stupid? Now I'm really not saying anything to anyone unless I have to.

Fleur somehow got my phone number, and she's been blowing up my phone ever since the day after Christmas when I didn't go visit her, begging for sex. I picked my phone up the first time because I didn't know who it was. But once I heard her voice, I hung up on her. I only saved the number so that I'll know it's her, and I'll know not to answer.

I'm also glad to say that my symptoms aren't showing at all. As long as I keep my mind off of Fleur, I'll be fine. I spent the last couple of days in my old room, reading every book I could reach. I found a few good ones on Psychology that I overlooked before.

In layman's terms, it basically said it's easier to forget about someone if you're mad at them. Disgust, disappointment, and dissent are usually the key factors. I definitely do agree; drowning myself in books and research has been a lot more productive than grieving over her. I honestly try to tell myself that I'll fall out of love with her eventually. That might be a better cure for this stupid illness.

But I've also contemplated revenge. Hell, when I sat down and thought about it, I was right back to where I was months ago. I hated myself for loving her, and I hated her for making me love her. But now I was finally sane, and had control over my thoughts and actions.

I figure I'll think of something good, then catch her off guard. And not just once, or twice, or thrice. Payback for spying on me, fooling me, and making me fall in love with her. I. Am. Pissed. Many, many chances for revenge will come about.

And I will be taking advantage of every single one of them.

* * *

They ended up dragging me to a strip joint. Great, just great. It was a noisy, dark sort of building with women dancing on poles every which way. I wouldn't be surprised if they plan on making Fleur dance for me. That's probably what they have in mind. So predictable.

I walked next to George and headed straight inside with everyone behind us. I know he was looking at me with concern, but I didn't feel like talking. I couldn't be angry at him for the phone thing, because I know Fleur probably pressured him into it. All I did was walk to the bar. He ordered us drinks, then we wandered off before anyone else found us. We ended up taking a seat right underneath a woman who was stripping. I was hardly paying attention; I just kept sipping my drink.

"Hermione?"

Another sip.

"Hermione, come on. You wouldn't even talk to me over the phone about this. I know you're angry."

Sip, sip, sip...

"Look, Fleur has no idea why you're upset. She said you told her to..do it. I know there's something else you're not telling me."

I shrugged and took another sip. George sighed. I also noticed that the stripper we were 'watching' was paying an unusual amount of attention to me. Not that I cared.

"'Ermione."

I bit my glass as I downed the rest of my drink and calmly set it down on the table. I had an interesting idea pop up as I finally gave my attention to the stripper overhead. She was grinning suggestively at me and doing a lot of extra moves to get my attention.

Her shoulder-length chestnut hair had interesting layers that made the ends spike up a bit. Her eyes were mis-matched, too. One blue, one green. Interesting. I decided to just give her my full attention while I ignored Fleur's empty questions, _wondering _why I'm not saying anything to her.

Fleur stopped talking, and probably had her perfect little jaw on the marble floor; the stripper knelt down and moved her mouth to my ear. Her whispery voice made me grin, and I knew Fleur was trembling with jealousy behind me.

"What's your name, gorgeous?"

"Hermione."

"Is the blonde woman behind you giving you problems, Hermione?"

"More than you know."

"Hmm. I'm guessing she's your girlfriend?"

"She is."

"I'm Yuna, by the way. I think I have a plan that'll put her in her place."

"Mmm...alright. I'm up for it."

"Good. Wait here; let me go find my cousin. She's an expert here. Her name's Rikku. And one other person."

Yuna smiled at me and lightly slapped my cheek before standing back up and strutting away in her black stilettos and blue and white two piece. George was staring at me, looking completely shocked. I was just grinning and waving my head from side to side while I picked up my empty glass. I bit it again, completely forgetting about my whole stoic thing. It could wait.

Draco sat down next to me, but he kept looking behind me fearfully, no doubt glancing at Fleur. That was good. This was entirely too good.

"What was that all about, Granger?"

Nope, not a word. I was determined to only speak when I had to.

"The hell, Hermione?" Ron asked. He shoved himself in between Draco and I, upsetting the metrosexual one more than myself.

"Why aren't you talking? And where have you been all this time?" Harry asked. I glanced at George, then resumed my straight face as I observed another stripper off in the distance.

"Err...she was at the Burrow with me." Thank George for not telling the truth. "She's been meaning to spend some time with us there."

"Wow, you're 'orrible at lying," Gabrielle sighed. George just cleared his throat and grimaced.

"Mmm...okay," Squall said. "But have you seen Antoinette? I lost her."

"Ahh...she w-"

"Merlin's beard!" Ron yelled, cutting Giselle off.

Just as Ron said that, Yuna, and her blonde-haired, green-eyed cousin Rikku came waltzing towards me on the table. Antoinette was also wearing stilettos and a red two piece. Rikku had yellow. But, wait...

Antoinette _works _here?

Apparently so, because she and Yuna lifted me up onto the table and put my back against the pole. Rikku smiled suggestively at me as she took my glass and threw it over her shoulder as she moved her mouth to my ear. I was a little too surprised to do anything else other than stare straight ahead; every single person in the building was looking at me.

"Fleur's your girlfriend, right?"

"Yes.."

"And you think she's being naughty..?"

"I _know _she is."

"Ohh, alright. And she's made you upset?"

"Quite. But don't tell her that."

"Oh, we won't. This is Antoinette's plan, don't worry. Talk to her after."

"Sure.."

"You ready?"

"For what?"

"Fleur's complimentary lap dance, what else?"

"...I don't even know how to dance at all, let alone give her a lap dance."

"It's just sex with clothes on, don't worry!" Rikku smiled at me one last time, then moved a distance away. "Yunie, Blondie! Grab her!"

Yuna and Antoinette smiled at me before grabbing Fleur from the audience and dragging her up on the table. They kept a hold on her as Rikku moved back to me and removed my frozen body from the pole. Yuna and Antoinette shoved Fleur against it instead and made her slide down so that she was sitting on the table with her legs out. She looked scared, too. But that just made me smile.

Antoinette moved behind the pole and tied Fleur's hands together so that she was attached to the pole. Rikku tied Fleur's ankles together, while Yuna stood right next to me and held me around my waist. Fleur looked outraged, but that just made me smile even more.

"Follow my lead," she whispered in my ear. I nodded. "So Fleur, we're here to help you out. Hermione has a bit of pent up frustration she'd like to let out."

"Frustration wiz what?"

"Ah, ah, ahhh!" Rikku put duct tape over Fleur's mouth to shut her up, then tied her hair in a knot around the pole for effect. Antoinette also took the liberty of blindfolding my dear girlfriend. My mouth was hurting from grinning so much.

"The floor's all yours, Hermione," Yuna whispered to me. "Go crazy and show her you're the wrong person to mess with."

She and Rikku left, but Antoinette came over to me. She looked rather serious as she mumbled discreetly to me.

"She thinks we don't know what's going on. The twins and I overheard, and I'm pretty sure you're bright enough to catch on to what I'm talking about."

"She wants to...kill...?"

"Essentially, yeah.. Not intentionally, but borderline. The only reason she hasn't told me or the twins is because she knows we'd go off on her if she did."

"Well, she has a lot of nerve..."

"That she does. Now show her who's in charge."

Antoinette slapped my ass and winked at me before strutting away. She gave me a huge boost of confidence as I walked over to Fleur and straddled her waist for a moment. I put my face right by hers, and I could feel her inhaling my scent to make sure it was me. But I wasn't wearing my usual Chanel perfume, so she was unsure. But I wanted to say a few things to her to clear up her confusion.

"I love you...so much. I was just soooo scared when you..." I brushed my lips down her neck; she groaned. I smiled. "..._embarrassed _me in front of all those people..!"

I kept on with my trail, making sure to go at an excruciatingly slow pace as I let her frustrated heaving fill my ears. The entire building was silent as they watched us. If anything, they made me feel even better about this.

Whatever fears I had about stage fright or complete uncertainty about what the hell I was doing flew out the window. I said I was going to take advantage of any opportunities at revenge, so I decided to do just that..

"You _know _how shy I am..! _Honest_ly.." I spoke from my stomach with that last word, and it came out as almost a...moan as I reached her navel. Fleur's breath hitched and mine picked up excitedly.

"It's too bad.." I bit her shirt and lifted it up. I just had to stick my head inside to kiss every inch I could reach while my hips were busy grinding against her legs.. "You went and...broke my pride. You put me in my place, right..?"

I lifted her shirt up as far as it would go as I arched into her and removed my head from her shirt. I used a free hand to move her blindfold up a bit, to tease her, while my other hand supported myself against the table. Her eyes were wide and fearful as she noticed my casual smirk and not-so-casual position against her body. Somehow, the lights brightened in the room, and they were all shifted so that they were shining down on us. Perfect..

I kept going with the grinding, very slowly, and tried to slither my way back up to straddle her again. I ended up somehow wrapping my body around hers with my face right by her ear. I felt her radiating heat, and I stuck my tongue out as I licked a bead of stray sweat from her neck.

"Feeling warm?"

Fleur just glared at me out of the corner of her eye. I smiled and unwrapped my body from hers, taking the opportunity to straddle her again as I climbed up the pole a bit. I was straddling her _neck _this time, and I threw my head back as I rocked my hips against her. I was slowly inching up, more, and more, until her chin was in between my legs. I kept knocking my hips into her to suggest I was going to move up...but I never did.

Besides, the duct tape was in the way..

"Aww, Fleur...you _want _me, don't you? Tu me veux? Really? That's a laugh..."

I finally inched up and let her smell me properly. Pervert; she was sniffing me like a bag of cocaine. Hell, she even had her eyes closed. I laughed, but I felt myself throbbing. It was so good. But she still needed her lesson..

"Don't tell me you've actually been _craving _me, love.."

I slid down and knelt down on her legs for a moment. I just grinned as she kept glaring me down, so I turned around. I winked at Draco as I arched my back and kept teasing Fleur over and over again as I moved my hips back and forth. Draco and everyone else looked _so _shocked to see me doing this, but I didn't care. I decided to see how Fleur was doing.

I lifted one shoulder and glanced over it; Fleur's eyes were closed, and she was taking frustrated breaths again. I moved my hips down and settled myself against hers, and she opened her eyes and watched me smile innocently at her. I lifted my arms up high and put them around the pole as I started grinding against her again with my face just above hers. At least she was letting out the occasional choked moan. That was good..

"But I'm so into you, too. Don't get me wrong.. I just hate it...when people call me stupid. It hurts the most when they call me that without ever...once...uttering that very word."

I stopped and turned to face her once more. I got down on all fours in between her and yanked her collar in a vain effort to bring her closer to me. She jerked and gasped sharply as much as the duct tape allowed as she gave me a hard gaze to match my own. I just raised my eyebrows at her momentarily while I moved my mouth to her ear.

"Insulting me might be the last thing you'll ever do. But keep it up...and maybe we'll have more of these little..._escapades._"

I made sure to breathe in her ear for a moment, and her eyes fluttered for a moment. From the wetness? The steam? Or just the way I said it so softly but so very hard at the same time? I didn't know.

But I did know that she made me mad. I moved my mouth from her ear and looked her straight in the eye as I ripped the tape from her mouth. She shut her eyes in pain and held her head to the side as far as it would go. I just smiled weakly and caressed the area of effect as she glared at me. She was heaving again. I kissed her where the tape once was as I threw it over my shoulder, but not once did I kiss her lips. She moaned and grunted for me to kiss her there, but I never did.

I just ran a nail across her lips and slapped her face a little harder than expected before I stood up. I wanted to yell at her. I wanted to hurt her. A lot more. She was so vulnerable..

But I had to be above her, so all I did was wave goodbye to her suggestively before stepping down from the table. The crowd parted itself for me and gaped in awe as I waltzed out the building, forcing myself to not look back at her.


	21. L'Excessive

February 17th, 2008 A.D.

_**XXI. **__L'Excessive_

_(Fleur's POV)_

"Fleur?"

"What, Astrid."

"Are you alright? You've been sitting here in your office doing nothing all day...for the past month."

"I'm fine."

"Um...right. Well, Hermione wanted me to give this to you. It's the bank statement for our funds. We're up by twenty percent from December."

"Wonderful."

"Well...it's late, and the rain doesn't look like it's going to clear up any time soon. I'm heading home. Hermione's still in her office."

Astrid set the bank statement down on my desk carefully, then closed my door as she left my office. I buried my face in my hands and sighed for the millionth time that night. Things just weren't panning out at all.

Hermione refused to speak to me. Ever since that lap dance, she hasn't even so much as looked at me. I guess she really was determined to raise hell until I gave her heaven. Hmph.. But to be honest, I don't even know what I did to her. She couldn't have found out about my plans. There was just no way..

I swear, the way she moaned that 'honestly' to me keeps haunting me. The love we made keeps prodding at my thoughts, never leaving me. Every kiss, every touch, every laugh, smile, tear, moan... I was sexually deprived.

She knows something, but she doesn't know everything. I've been pretending not to care about it, but I can feel my stress creeping around my body every day. It burns every time she diverts her gaze away from me. If she got wind of my plans, then she assumed that I'm trying to kill her..

That truly is not the case. I want to control her illness so that it won't kill her, but it'll keep making her...well, _sexy. _I'm essentially saying I don't believe I'd love the real Hermione, even though I don't remember who she is.

But if she was completely angry and unforgiving of me, then she would have called it off. She would have quit this job. And she would have at least confronted me about it-

"Wake up, boss."

My hands were yanked down and my head hung over for a moment in their absence. Hermione was leaning over my desk.. She grabbed my shoulders and pulled me as close to her face as possible without letting me touch it. I stared at her incredulously while she breathed her sweet malted fury down my throat. I had no idea why she chose tonight to randomly come in my office and glare at me, nor did I know why I couldn't react.

Her nails were digging into my shoulders and her nostrils were flaring. All this month, she refused to be within ten feet of me, but now she was doing this..?

"You're a scary bitch, Fleur. You know that?"

"Wh-what..?"

"You're shady. If you really weren't up to anything before, or even now, you would have confronted me by now. What were you going to do, just keep letting me shove you in the background? Out of guilt, perhaps?"

"What are you talking about?"

"So that's it? You prefer to lie your way out of this? You know damn well what I'm talking about, Miss Murder."

She knew..

"I'm right then. If it makes you feel any better, I haven't had a single dirty dream with you in it in months. I haven't felt any stupid need to screw myself because I was too stubborn to let you do it for me.

"I've been meaning to tell you quite a few things ever since Christmas, girlfriend dearest. Why don't we start with exactly how much you've been keeping from me, hm? Merlin knows you could fill an entire collection of encyclopedias with your bloody secrets.

"Go on; tell me. I'd like to hear some. Because right now, I'm starting to doubt who you love. Me, or Hermione. So let's hear it."

Have you ever felt a certain sting in your heart, telling you that the person you love is silently threatening to break up with you? Well, I felt it just now. Hermione didn't have to say a word; I just knew. And despite how stubborn I am, I can't deny that I'd feel horrible if she broke up with me. All because I slipped into my old habitual mode of being selfish and greedy...

"What...do you want to know?"

Her glare transitioned to a softer expression. Extremely soft. Almost as if my words caught her off guard. She let go of my shoulders and sat directly on top of my desk. Our faces never moved from their places, though. I sort of wished they could. Closer, that is..

"Why did you think you could do that to me? As if I wouldn't find out."

"I love zis 'Ermione in front of me. Ze one zat 'as no problems whatsoever being in control and aggressive to get what she wants. I've just been convinced zat she will only act zis way if she is...sick.

"But at ze same time, I am scared zat if you are no longer sick, zat I will not love you anymore. I don't know, 'Ermione. I am just too insecure for my own good."

"Fleur, you never tell me anything. I don't know that you're insecure from you _telling _me. To be honest, I really don't know anything about you. All we've been doing this whole time is either flirting, arguing, or having sex. But I get the feeling that's all you'll allow yourself to do."

"I 'ave too many secrets, just as you said."

"I'm listening."

"I wish you wouldn't."

Hermione moved her face from mine and sat up straight. She ran a hand through her hair, but I just sat still. I knew she'd hate me if she knew who I really was. I was...scared. Scared that she'd run away from me if I told her. I didn't want to take any risks.

"Fleur, come on. Please tell me. How am I supposed to trust you if I don't even know the first thing about you?"

"You don't need to trust me to love me, 'Ermione."

I frowned at her and she widened her eyes at me. I didn't trust myself, my whole self, in Hermione's hands. She frightens easily. I love her too much to let her run out of my life. Why couldn't she just leave it at that and let me please her?

"That just makes it sound like you really do have a questionable past.."

"Ze best zing about ze past is zat it is in ze past. Just leave it zere and let me love you now."

I stood up and she removed herself from my desk quickly. I walked to the other side and pinned her against the window. She was scared already...look what I did. What she did. She didn't need to know about my past. She didn't need to know what I've done and who I've done. I put a hand on her face while I tried to think of some way to make her...forget.

"I will tell you zis much, 'Ermione. Let me build our trust now. Let me take you beyond every imaginable sky and star wiz pleasure. I will explain every'zing...soon. But until zen...just let me 'ave you. I know you cannot resist me."

But resist me she did; she slapped my hand away and tried to push me off of her. I just clamped her arms to her side and shook her out of nerves. I couldn't lose control. She had too much right now.

I couldn't lose her.

"'Ermione, do not. You love me. I refuse to let you go until you say you believe me."

"You're lying to me.."

"My love for you is not a lie. No'zing I whisper across your body is ever a lie. Whezzer zat be my voice or my tongue...it is not a lie. So let me.."

"What is _wrong _with you-"

"Zere is no'zing wrong wiz craving you every second of every day. I want you. I am into you. If I were too stubborn, I would not be telling you. But I...need you. You just don't understand. I refuse to let any'zing keep you from me. Zat includes myself.. My...past."

"...I already asked you this months ago, Fleur.. Why can't you trust me-"

"Because I don't trust myself! Just let zat go, 'Ermione.. Let me 'elp you.."

"No."

_"No?"_

"You heard me! What the hell is wrong with you? I know we all have problems, and you're no exception! They're still bothering you to the point where they're making you change back to who you were-"

"Don't even start wiz zat."

"Then why'd you make that decision to practically _kill _me?"

"Zat wasn't ME 'oo agreed to it!"

"EXACTLY, Fleur!"

Her indignation rung in my ears for a moment and I let go of her. I turned around and put a hand over my mouth as I took a deep breath. This was too much to handle. But I didn't want her to think I was weak and confused with myself, even though I most certainly am. I didn't want her to know anything. Nothing at all. Why couldn't she just be oblivious like all the rest? She just had to know every goddamn thing! I couldn't take it anymore; she wasn't breaking down my walls.

I'd sooner throw her out in the rain than let her know everything about me..

"Get out."

"Wh-what? But Fleur-"

"Get OUT. Why do you always need to know every'zing? Stop being so nosy."

"Nosy..? Fleur, it's called wanting to _help _you-"

"I don't need you."

Your help...I don't need your help. That's what I meant to say. That's what I should have said. But my insecurities were driving me again, even though I didn't want to admit it. I turned around to face her, but before I even realized what was going on, she slapped me..

"Why do you always do this? You KNOW you can trust me with anything, no matter what it is! The more you bury your denial around it, the more pissed off I'll be when I find out. Yes, _when. _As smart as you may be, you can't keep anything from me for long. I can and will find out.

"But you know what, Fleur? If it's such a big deal that you think it'll push me away, I'll do you a big favor and run from YOU when I find out. How about that? And I, unlike you, have no problem whatsoever speaking my mind.. so hear this.

"You've been hurting my feelings all this time. I don't know why you're only half committed to me. I don't know why you can't trust me with your secrets if you've trusted me with your sex. And I especially have no idea why you're trying to be manipulative and scary when you _know _I hate it when you're like that!

"When I say 'I love you,' that means I love all of you. I just wish you'd stop stomping all over my every attempt to get rid of your barriers. I haven't been craving you all this time, Fleur. I've been _crying _over you all month because of how much you've been hurting me.."

She really did start crying right in front of me.. I had no idea what to say. I instinctively held her in my arms, and she thankfully returned the gesture. She held me tight, probably out of anger. Or compassion. I didn't know.. But I didn't want her to let me go. I was too scared that she wouldn't go back on her word, and actually run once she found out everything..

"But b-because you're only happy when things go your way, I just have to k-keep it in. Because I was too d-damn scared that you'd resist my advances while I cried, I had to avoid you. I've been afraid that you truly did t-turn back into the old Fleur I despise..

"You've trapped me. You're j-just like a snake, you know that? I c-can't forget about you. I've been waiting and waiting and _waiting _for you to say something to me. Call me. Beg that I speak to you. Apparate in my room and fuck me senseless. ANYTHING!

"But because you're guilty and you know it, you let me go without a word. D-do you know what I've been doing for the past m-month when I wasn't at work? BESIDES crying!"

"Tell me.."

"Masturbating without your face in my thoughts. Throwing a fit every time I think of what you've d-done and what you weren't d-doing. It was like you just stopped caring. B-but because you're _Fleur _and you can't show emotion in p-public, I've had no idea _what _to think you were feeling!"

"'Ermione, please...I'm just confused. I've been as confused as you are now-"

"Why? You know I was pissed off at you. Why didn't you apologize?"

"I don't know 'ow to do zat."

"Is it so hard to say sorry..?"

"I 'ated myself for needing to apologize. I 'ated you for making me so 'elpless and confused. You always do zat to me.. which is why I love you so but still 'ate you just as much."

I let her go and wiped her face. She looked so...confused. In a subtle way. I knew I couldn't keep anything from her anymore, but I didn't want to see her anger boiling inside of her as I spoke. I didn't want to be the one to see her tantrum..

"I love you. I doubt you would say ze same zing if you knew every'zing, but I won't blame you. But I want you to know zat you are ze one 'oo I 'ave been craving all zis time. You just make me so confused and insecure to ze point where I start to 'ate you all over again...zat is why I run from you.

"But let me run from you one last time. I 'ate zat you make me so weak and indecisive. I 'ate ze child you bring out in me. I wish I could be above you, but I'm not. I never will be. It's almost as if you are ze one 'oo is too good for me..

"You, 'Ermione, are out of my league. You are so kind and caring. I am not. I felt no guilt whatsoever zis 'ole time. I 'onestly feel like I do not deserve you now. But I just wish you could understand why.."

I kissed her good bye, possibly my last kiss for a long, long time, then apparated back home. I retrieved my cell phone from my pocket with a shaking hand and dialed..

"Hello?"

"I know you know. You told 'er, didn't you?"

"She already knew."

"Well do me one last favor and tell 'er every'zing else. You are ze only one 'oo knows.."

"What made you come to this epiphany?"

"I 'urt 'er feelings wi'zout even knowing. She is too strong for 'er own good, Antoinette. I can't stand to see 'er cry ever again."

"Alright.. I can tell you've calmed down. I'll call her tomorrow and invite her over."

"Zank you.. I owe you."

"Nah...I think you just need to be there to calm her down once I'm done. Don't chicken out on me. I'm not leaving anything out."

"I understand.."


	22. Let Down

_**XXII. **__Let Down_

_(Hermione's POV)_

I stood in Fleur's office for a moment. I was...frozen. My tears had stopped, but I still felt an intense urge to cry. My head was throbbing from sleep and food deprivation. I was stressed out, but I never once let the thought cross my mind to give up.

She needed my help. I know she didn't mean when she said she doesn't _need me. _Guilt and fear can render a person illogical, just like I read about. Besides, it's just common sense... That, and I love her too much. The shock she gave me from her lips finally meeting mine, then having them snatched away from me in a loud crack was sending cold waves through my body. I knew I couldn't just let her keep running away from me..

I snapped out of it and apparated to the only place I knew she'd be. She was just too damn predictable, and I was too upset and pissed off to let her keep running from me.

As soon as I arrived in her dark room, I saw her with her cell phone in her hand. I swept over to her and snatched the phone from her and threw it across the room while I pinned her to the wall. She flinched at my rage and refused to look at me. I forced her face to stay parallel with mine and kept an intense fury in my eyes.

I didn't care that she was taller than me. I didn't care that she looked like she was about to cry. But at the same time, I did. I did and so much more.. But I needed to show her rage now. Until I get my way.

"Who was that you were talking to just now, huh? Draco? Or was it Antoinette? Which one, Fleur?"

"Antoinette..."

"You wanted her to tell me everything instead of doing it yourself? I'm not standing for your petty bullshit anymore! YOU tell me what your problem is. I don't want to hear it from anyone else. I don't want to hear anyone else's opinion right now...

"And I especially don't want to hear anyone else's voice right now...except for yours."

I softened my gaze as she finally met my eyes. I felt enraptured by the sheer emotion in her orbs just above mine. Seeing her in such a vulnerable state made my hands twitch dangerously. It was a familiar twitch, and one that I couldn't hold back anymore after nearly two months time. She didn't notice...because she was too busy quavering with fear and shame. I know she's too proud for her own good, but I also know that I want her to trust me.

"I can't.."

The tears in her eyes were coming oddly close to pooling over. If this continued, she might get the sense to push me off of her and apparate again. But I couldn't let her go, and I especially didn't want her to get any sense to do anything except standing right here. Right now.

I had to take this slowly.

"Why..? What's so hard about trusting me? I know you didn't mean those awful things you said. But I really don't know why you're running away from...this."

I did the only thing that came to mind; I moved my mouth to her ear. She raised her shoulder and moved her head into me, then up and down and side to side in comfort while I preened her neck. She tasted too good to let go. She was too broken to be without the glue of my affection to piece her back together. Reinforcing our love is the only thing I kept in mind as I breathed down her chest, slowly kissing and licking my way through her deep neckline.

I didn't let my powerful grip on her weaken; she'd notice my twitching hands. Thank Merlin she threw her head back in pleasure; she'd see my head jerking a bit from my neck twitching as well. I didn't want to scare her away, just like I knew she was trying not to do as well..

But sometimes, like now, I start to like what she does to me whenever I get too emotional... I can certainly see why she does, too. Kissing her shirt off was too easy, but keeping her steady was not; she was starting to squirm. My grip was getting harder and harder. My nails were starting to almost make her bleed. But for some strange, strange reason...I didn't care.

"'Ermione, stop.."

I was so mad that she wouldn't tell me what her secrets were... I was so mad that she was so strong and weak at the same time. I hated her and loved her for making me so empowered and confused at the same time, at the only time when I'd allow it. She does it so easily and swiftly, just like my tongue glossing over her thin cuts. Every memory of us together, kissing, flirting, having sex... They flashed through my mind and paused for a second every now and then, giving me more power. More hunger. More desire..

Her vulnerable side makes my heart burn with satisfaction, you know. She couldn't do a damn thing about it; she was too weak. But she was still strong enough to the point where she could tangle her way into my every psyche and render my senses useless. She was so powerful with her attractions that I couldn't help but revel in the glory of finally being the one in control...

I was going to seduce her into telling me every little drop of her past, even if it meant sucking her every other drop dry..

"Stop..."

I shook my head no as I gnawed her shirt all the way down and moved back to her neck. She was sweating again. I liked these drops very much. I licked them away with gusto; with authority. I had the power right now; not her. I was the one biting every inch of her delicious neck and making her squirm with manufactured fear. I know she likes it...

"But you just taste so...good. Keep squirming...it's making you sweat..."

She tried to kick me away with her knees, but I was one step ahead of her; I shoved my navel against her _there, _and locked her legs into place with my own. I made her bring one hand down to herself and pushed her fingers everywhere I could make them reach in between her clamped legs. The warmth was so gratifying. The way I felt prickles of slick heat slowly seep through to my fingers made me grin maliciously as I finally forced my lips over hers.

"See...? You love it... I know you do... Just like...I know you love me..."

I gripped her hand and stomped her feet as I replaced my hand with my thigh to keep helping with her clothed masturbation. She couldn't keep her hitches in anymore. She couldn't keep her eyes from rolling in the back of her head any longer. I moved my hand to her nose and took a moment to stop and watch her smell herself. Her eyes were shut, though. That just wouldn't do...

"Look at me..."

I glid a finger over her eyes, then across her smooth face. I sniffed the path I made, feeling ravenous, and licked the new paths I made with the finger over her eyes. She still wouldn't open her eyes, though. I licked the edges of her eyelids to probe them open, and succeeded, but I tasted tears...

The taste of her saline made my adrenaline crawl to a hault. The smell of her essence building and building in strength actually made me let go of her. But what made me do that more than anything was the way she was trembling..

"Fleur..?"

"I said I can't...tell you. You just...don't know 'ow to listen..."

I couldn't back away, no matter how much I honestly wanted to out of fear. But my slowly emerging sanity was telling me to stay close to her. I needed to calm her down first and foremost...

"Okay, it's fine... I'll wait. You can just tell me later-"

"NO, 'Ermione. I'm not telling you ANY'ZING! EVER!"

"Fleur, that's fine. That's fine. Just calm down.."

"Calm down? You were just going off on me for being manipulative and scary wiz you moments ago, zen you turn around and do ze same zing! Don't fucking tell me to calm DOWN!"

"Just breathe... Please. I'm sorry...I don't know what came over me-"

She bent over and clutched her face for some reason...and she was still squirming. She was making odd sounds, like she was forcing herself to stop...transforming. Oh, hell...

"Fleur...please. I love you. I don't want to see you upset. Just try to-"

"Shut UP! Just SHUT UP!"

I shuddered out of shock and surprise; I felt tears stinging my eyes as she started growing a beak. I knew she didn't want me to see her like this, and I automatically moved to hold her at the very last second.. She apparated away just like I knew she would..

* * *

We ended up in her...office? Yes, it was her office. But before I could think anything more than that, she threw me off of her and made me stumble against the full pane window. Feathers were starting to sprout from her back and she was shrieking in pain. I couldn't stand to see her like this...but this is what those books said would happen. This is the ultimate test of love; the true test of my love for her. I nodded to myself as I remembered my research and slowly pushed myself from the window..

I held my breath and moved my jelly legs over to her one at a time, making sure I had my wand in my pocket just in case. I held my hands out in front of me and swallowed as she finally quieted down. She was still hunched over, clutching her face. Her claws were trembling a little, but at least she was taking quiet breaths. That was good. All I needed to do was pull some of her hair...though, that was very much a double-edged sword in and of itself.

If I pull some of her hair out, one of two things will happen. If she believes, without a doubt, that I am the one who truly loves her...and if she honestly believes that she loves me, then she will transform back. The laws of attraction for this disease are to balance love, life, and sex. Too much of one will make the other two weaker.

But...if any tiny part of her confused heart doesn't want me, then something else will happen. She could die, or come dangerously close to dying...

I almost hesitated as I reached her.. She might doubt my love for her if she's not telling me her secrets. But I didn't think that was it. Not at all..

"Fleur, listen to me. I'm not afraid of you. I'm not afraid of anything...as long as I know you love me. So please...calm down. Come back to me. I don't take pleasure in seeing you upset and confused. I just did the only thing I knew how to do..

"You're everything to me. I'll do what you ask me right now and drop this thing about your past. I know it must have taken a lot to even just call Antoinette and ask that she tell me. But I'll wait as long as it takes until you're ready. I just...don't know what I'd do if this drove us apart.

"I wonder if you could ever despise me for just trying to satisfy you.. But I'll keep doing it until you trust me. I'll keep gently probing my way across your heart, making my marks of loyalty and love and devotion for you. At this point, I'd be completely insane to walk out on you over anything..."

I managed to wrap my arms around her hunched figure. Her feathers were warm...strangely comforting. I slowly inched my hands to her smooth hair while I rubbed her back, feeling her breaths steady more and more with my touch. I couldn't be afraid of any risks, even though my watery eyes were telling me otherwise..

"I trust you with my life...so please do me a favor and trust me with yours now, Fleur. Believe in me...please."

I kissed what little of her face I could reach as I finally reached my destination. But as soon as my fingers brushed against the silk of her moonlit hair, she screeched. I gripped a hand full of her hair out of surprise and she whipped out her wand and shoved it right in between my wide eyes.

She knew what my plans were. She was afraid...did she doubt our love? The way her slits for red eyes glared at me told me so. But I was too scared to make her transform again. This was the only way she'd stop running from me...but if things went wrong, she wouldn't even be able to run. Or be with me to run away from in the first place..

Tears began scratching down my face and my chest shuddered in fear. Being strong was so tiring...so stressful. What if she did die because I was pushing her away right now..? And why was suicide the only option poking at my mind as the solution...? I couldn't live without her. Literally. I wouldn't know what to do with myself... But no... No! Neither of us was going to die tonight.. I just had to keep assuaging her...

"Fleur...p-please... D-don't be afraid. Let me prove to you that your heart is ringing true for you to let yourself love me completely. I know you love m-me dearly...deeply. I love you j-just as much. It's left a scar on m-my heart...a scar over my whole b-body that only you can soothe..

"It keeps g-getting deeper, though, with every passing day. It'll only cut me open when our time has come t-to pass on. But until then, I trust that th-this will prove to you that you are the one I need. I have no doubts that you'll live through this...

"You'll live another d-day, and wake with me in your arms. I wish you could see how much I ache f-for you...all the time. My heart might be pounding through my ears right n-now, but it's pounding for you. I'm not afraid... I'm just so in love with you. So please, trust me...

"In case this doesn't work, I promise you I'll...k-kill myself. I c-can't...live without you. I'll die anyway... Please...calm down and let me put an end to your doubts."

I started to pull her hair, slowly, and she didn't react. Good... Just a little more, and a little more-

But in that instant it took for me to gather my strength collectively, the last thing I felt was her heated breath on me and the ear splitting sound of her scream.. She sent a spell at me and I went flying to the window, and broke right through it in a clatter of broken glass, blood, and surprise...

I would have let the blood loss consume me and drive me into a mental panic as I felt myself losing consciousness, but I couldn't stop thinking... I would have gone into shock as I slowly felt myself descending down in the cutting rain...down nearly seventy floors to the streets of Paris below. Transport, motorways and tramlines... Starting and then stopping. Taking off and landing.. What freedom. I felt such empty feelings like the disappointed people in bars below me, clinging onto bottles and feeling let down about everything to the point of needing to drown themselves in a drunken stupor...

I had nothing anymore. Everything I'd been working for all these years revolved around Fleur. Without her, I was nothing. I was too in love with her to let myself see any life beyond her...

But as I felt my body falling into an abyss, I saw a glimmer of hope in my hands. I managed to pull some of her hair.. I had my eyes open just long enough that I could see Fleur jumping after me...without feathers. She was normal again...she loved me...

The absence of feathers over her body made me feel like I was growing them myself. Her face, ridden with fear and guilt, still looked so beautiful in the dark moonlight as we both fell down, down, down... But I was too elated to do anything to stop myself. I felt so much hope... Hope and so much more as she pointed her wand at me, stopping me in my tracks. Floor collapses seemed to float around me, bringing the ground to me, and still letting me float through the rain with love as she fell right into my arms..

I always told myself that one day, I'd grow wings. Even if it was a chemical reaction, or if it was because I was hysterical...it would happen..

We were in midair, floating right above the city whose people and cars were mere specks compared to us. Nothing else mattered to me right now. Fleur was holding me, sobbing a thousand apologies. Her face seemed so much more beautiful to me, even though I couldn't barely see much of it in between her feverish kisses. My heart was slowly stopping from the sheer amazement of how warm my body felt against hers. Every muscle in my body began to shut down except for those in my hand. The one still gripping my life line...

Her wonderful, silk-smooth strands of hair...

Her lovely voice began blending into the rain. It, too, was beginning to blend into something else. Buzzing, maybe? But I just wanted to hear Fleur's voice... Was that so much to ask?

I couldn't wait to wake up and get some payback for this, though. All in...due time...


	23. Listen to the Rain

April 2nd, 2008 A.D.

_**XXIII. **__Listen to the Rain_

_(Hermione's POV)_

"Come now, Granger. Rise and shine. You can't keep fooling me for long. I know you're awake."

Malfoy..? I must have died and gone to hell or something...honestly. The rain pouring outside made my head throb, and I tried to disregard my nightmare of waking up to his voice...

"Granger! I don't give a damn if I'm snarling, but you need to be awake right now. Fleur's gone out of bloody control with herself!"

I shot my eyes open and sat up so fast that my head started to throb painfully. Draco actually edged me back down to my bed...where was I? I was in too much pain to keep my eyes open.

"We're in your room. You were at St. Mills, but Potty and Weasel asked that you be released yesterday. I'm surprised you didn't wake up; Weasley dropped you with his sorry excuse for a Levitating Charm nearly four times on the way up. He was sobbing too much to think straight. Literally."

"Malfoy-"

"Tut, tut! No talking. Some of the glass cut through your throat, too. And yes, I know what happened. Antoinette and I are the only ones who do. Besides you and Fleur, obviously. If anyone else knew, they'd want to file a lawsuit against Fleur straightaway. Personally, I would. I think it would be quite fun."

"Fleur...where is she?"

"Can't you listen? Geez. I was getting there. But since you seem to have hearing problems, I'll let you squirm for a bit."

It was at this time that I realized Draco was holding my hand.. I gripped it as hard as I could, but nothing much happened. He just laughed and took a deep breath, probably to tell me he'd gone back to his serious mode. If he even had one.

"It's been a harsh month and a half. Especially for her. Ohhh yes. I have her wand here, see? Okay, well maybe you can't. But Antoinette caught Fleur pointing it at herself one night at your bedside when you stopped breathing. Gave us quite the scare, you know..

"She's been drinking a lot more, too. I think I found about ten bottles of alizee in her room the other day. Some were empty. Most were broken. Her house is a mess, she's a mess, and I really think you need to stop pretending to be in a coma."

"I'm not-"

"Stop talking. You _have_ been pretending. Or at least you've been too out of it to think to ever open your eyes. It's not funny, you know. We don't know...where Fleur is-"

"What do you MEAN you don't know where she is?"

I coughed violently and Draco sat me up to rub my back. He retrieved some potion from my bedside table and had me drink it. It stung, and I coughed even more than I did before. I calmed down after a while of Draco rubbing my back and quietly repeating that I calm down. It was extremely weird to be comforted and taken care of by him of all people...where was everyone else? And where was Fleur? On second thought, I didn't care where everyone else was; I just wanted to find Fleur..

"Do not go looking for her. And don't talk, either. You might lose your voice. Listen, she's just feeling really guilty right now. She high-tailed it yesterday when you still weren't showing any signs of being awake. She couldn't have gone far without her wand, but we're not sure. Gabrielle and the twins are doing their best to find her.

"But you are still weak right now. If you push yourself too hard, you _will _pass out. If you do that, and Fleur comes back, she'll just run away again. The Weasleys asked that you be relocated to their humble abode for the rest of your recovery. I'm pretty sure they think a certain Veela has something to do with this.

"And ah, ah - I know what you're thinking. 'How in the world could they know about us?' Well, dear Granger, they only walked in on Fleur gripping your hand for dear life and nearly sobbing her eyes out every day until she ran away. This isn't the first time she's done this, so...you could say we have experience in the matter. But I guess that's none of your business quite yet."

Draco sighed heavily as I opened my eyes. He was watching me out of the corner of his eyes. His...sad eyes. Malfoy actually looked upset. What was none of my business, exactly..? I was too scared to ask. That, and he'd probably reprimand me for talking. He actually...cared about me. He was the only one here, my friends were off lollygagging somewhere else, and my girlfriend ran away for vague reasons.. Draco closed his eyes and lay his head down on my bed next to me, sighing loudly before his muffled voice spoke to me.

"You know, you actually scared me a bit. I can't lie and say that I don't care. I mean, the last time this happened.. err. Actually, never mind. The point is-"

I gripped his hand as hard as I could and moved it to his head, just barely brushing his hair with my fingers. What the hell? The _last time _this happened? He knew I was silently demanding an explanation by the way I shifted my body, but he just propped his other elbow up on my bed and waved his hand lazily over his head.

"Just forget I said that."

I rammed my hips into his head to make him talk, but he just sighed again and kept still. I was getting frustrated again, and my head was starting to throb..

"No. We'll tell you later. We being Antoinette and myself. Fleur never asked that Antoinette not tell you, after all. Blondie is at work right now, seeing how it's dark out. She's been dropping by to watch you while I sleep. The twins and Squall take turns while I'm at work.

"Squall's knocked out in the other room; too much school work, he said. Potty and Weasel are supposedly scrambling to pay bills or some rubbish. The other Weasley's been up to his hair in work since yesterday was April Fool's Day.

"Fleur put the company on hiatus for the time being. It was the only smart decision she's made in the past four months or so, really. I must say, it's quite saddening to not have any competition right now. But sales for her will be through the roof once she gets back on her feet.

"She will recover from this. She always does. We've been through quite a bit together, really. But no, we never dated. We never needed to date."

I was getting oddly curious about everything all of a sudden. But really, I was more interested in knowing that Fleur is okay..

As Draco and I sat in silence, I felt my frustration creep up my throat. I wanted to cry out... I wanted to scream, and demand that Fleur come back to me. It was futile, but I didn't know what else to do.. I looked over to the mannequin with Fleur's dress, then to the box on my dresser. Every time I looked at them since New Year's, I cried so hard that I almost coughed up my lungs. And I started to do just that, except my throat was especially irritated now.

Draco sat up and looked at me fearfully, and grabbed my other hand in his free one to keep me from hurting myself. I felt like thrashing around...I felt like squeezing the life out of his hands. His _sympathetic _hands that weren't out searching every inch of the world for my Fleur. No...that was my job. Why was he telling me to not go looking for her? She's not a boomerang! What if she doesn't come back this time? What if...

"You're doubting her, aren't you? Don't."

I calmed down slightly and nodded in between hiccups. He looked at me disdainfully while I heard Antoinette's Navigator pull in the drive way. I just noticed how my curtains were closed. Probably so I couldn't see down the street to someone's house..

"She knows the spell to unlock the door. And Gabrielle's still out searching right now. The twins are, too. All I can tell you is to stay calm...though you'll probably disregard my words and go ballistic anyway. And uhm...j-just lay here while we explain. Don't move."

"Malfoy.."

"I told you not to talk, Granger..."

"Is there...something you're not...telling me? I get the feeling there is.."

"You'll find out soon. And there you are, blondie."

"Hey," Antoinette said tiredly as she came in and closed the door behind her. "How're you feeling, Hermione?"

"Frustrated.."

"I told her not to talk. They said a lot of the glass cut her throat so her vocal chords might be strained if she talks too much."

"Oh. Just keep having her drink the potion while we explain. She should be okay if she finishes it tonight. I'll brew you some more tomorrow."

Antoinette turned to look back at the door for some reason, then sighed and sat at the edge of the bed at my feet. Draco handed me the flask and let go of my hands while I drank. It didn't sting as much as last time, and I was grateful.

The two of them looked extremely uncomfortable and nervous, but I was finally getting my answers, at least...

"So, Hermione. First, I want you to nod and promise me that you will keep in mind that this is in the past. What's done is done. Fleur's a changed woman now. Alright?"

I nodded in between sips of the potion, which tasted oddly of soy beans, then Antoinette sighed and began the tale of all tales..

"It started when she was seventeen. The Triwizard Tournament, yes. Her first victim was none other than Cho Chang. Fleur and Cho had a thing going on, but really, it was because Fleur was starting to realize what her mother was telling her about women.

"Her mother always said that women were conniving bitches that couldn't be trusted. Used, yes, but not trusted. Fleur's real prize was Cedric Diggory...and Viktor Krum. I'll get to Viktor in a minute. But basically, Fleur seduced Cho and Imperiused her to 'rape' Fleur while Cedric watched. Cedric of course comforted Fleur, and they dated openly while Cho cried and fumed because no one would believe her story.

"You remember the rest better than I do, Draco. You explain."

"Eh...alright. Basically, Fleur started a chain in Cho that made her not trust anyone. Cho kind of turned into Fleur and used Potter. Potter found out, and of course tried to get over her with the Weasley girl. But that was pretty much Potter's queue to turn gay with Cho; he was so broken. Chang really did do a number of things to him.

"So basically, Ginny hates Fleur because she knows Fleur's the reason why her ex turned gay. As for Weasel, I really don't know. Neither of them know what Fleur did. But he pretty much just lost interest in you because he could tell that Potter was hurting and needed him more than you did.

"The thing with Viktor was her plan to strike her venom in you. The reason why Viktor always watched you was because he was gathering information for Fleur. You were her victim, basically. Fleur was going to have the same thing happen with you as Cho so that she and Krum could ridicule you.

"When Diggory died, that sent a real shock to her system. She started to grow out of it, but she was secretly angry and upset that she never could quite _get _you. I mean, she obviously wasn't interested in you or else she would have pursued this little hobby of hers."

"But she sort of did pursue it," Antoinette chimed in. "When she made the decision to marry Bill, it was so that she could have you rape her in front of him. That would be the kicker, she said. Reducing the great Hermione Granger to a perverse rapist to turn everyone against her was definitely the way to go.

"She grew bored that you were never around for that to happen. So she eventually went back to her life of promiscuity and found Draco a few years ago.."

"With me, she pretty much used me to get to the top of Eyevine, and stole it from right underneath my nose. She screwed me every night, and I kept giving her promotion after promotion, not knowing any better. She eventually snagged my title and kicked me out, leaving me with absolutely nothing but the suit I was wearing when they broke the news to me.

"I couldn't believe her damn audacity.. But at the same time, I gave her some credit for knowing how to play the game of being a woman. She knew damn well she wouldn't have gotten to the top of the corporate ladder the hard way. She has such low self-confidence, but buries that under piles and piles of lies. It's quite possible that she's forgotten most of her sins over the years until she found you.

"It was her plan to drive you, Viktor, and Weasley apart. It was her plan to drive Potter and Chang apart so that Chang would 'learn her lesson'. Just for being a damn woman. I really doubt she even loved Diggory, but that's up to her."

"As far as the company was concerned, Fleur did some sleeping around to keep extra money down her shirt to buy that house down the way. She used her looks and body to serenade every professional Quidditch player, high-end Ministry worker, and even unsuspecting Muggle men with loads of money to get what she wanted. She had no idea how to use her business savvy to get to the top and stay there.

"She used Draco's business ideas to keep Eyevine running all these years. She used her looks to make connections with almost every big name fashion icon to keep the name Fleur Delacour worth billions around the world. But the more she ran away from her problems, the more she created a false life for herself. She used to be a compulsive liar. Those lies eventually shaped the pristine life that she thought she had.

"We were concerned that she was finally giving you payback for a moment, but she confessed to me over the phone that she was in love with you. From the way she was describing you, I knew you had the disease. I didn't warn her about it because I wanted you to put her in her place for the torment she could have put you through."

"Her whole intention all these years, up until she managed to forget about it, was to make you suffer for not facing her wrath when she wanted you to in our fourth year. You never gave her the time of day because you saw right through her. You weren't attracted to her, so that was a big problem. She was so used to everyone eating her out and then _her _throwing them away the next morning that she didn't know what to do with herself.

"You, Granger, are the veil of her old self-confidence. The image of you burned her soul and made her feel incomplete. A job that was never finished, because she didn't know _how _to finish it. She couldn't just screw someone and get her way with you. I think she finally realized that you are the reason why she grew to be such a complete whore...because you never noticed her.

"You never noticed her sexual overtures or silly adamant attitude about everything when it came to you. Her whole image revolves around you, just like I know yours revolves around her. She fucked many a man to get over you, and it eventually worked. But don't get me wrong; like we said, she was never attracted to you before. Or at least she might not have been. It was just an inferiority complex she had with you and only you.

"And with me... It even got to the point where I was madly in love with her, despite the shit she put me through. I wanted to ask her to marry me, too. But I didn't. The night I did, I supposedly pissed her off for showing my face again.

"She got really upset and blasted me out that exact same window, except I actually hit the ground. But did she jump after me? No. Did she care? Fuck no. But it's done me some good. I'm actually nice now, if you've noticed..."

"And Hermione, you actually have every right to be pissed off. She would have gone as far as stealing Ron from you, but she knew better. It would have been obvious that she was up to something. The insecurities you bring out in her are the scars of every bad deed she committed to destroy your mind. She was even intent on getting you to fall in love with her with her thrall, but it never seemed to work.

"When she noticed that you and George were getting closer after the break up, she even used him. Bill found out, but he didn't tell anyone because he was afraid of Fleur. He was ashamed that Fleur fucked his little brother just to get back at you. He wasn't stupid; he knew what was going on. Hence why her thrall was going off when she found you with your Lozenge down.

"Before Fleur started to forget about you, she pressured George into making you move as close as humanly possible to her. She had a feeling that if George tried to play matchmaker a bit, that you'd fall in love with her. Turns out that happened without much of his help. But because George is such a sweet guy, he forgave Fleur and went with it. He had a feeling that it was because she was in love with you, but in denial about it.

"I think George still likes Fleur. A bit. But he wants you two to be happy, because he sees that she's changed. She's not...like that anymore. She isn't. But there's always a chance that she is. And this is coming from her best friend. Sometimes when I sit down and think about what she put me through, I feel like crying.

"She made me keep her secrets so that she'd have someone to gloat to about everything. I couldn't tell anyone that she was a lesbian in hiding, because that would throw her reputation down the damn drain. I couldn't remind her that she _forgot _she might have been in love with you for the past thirteen years, because she would never admit that to anyone. She buried her lies around herself and built a false image of herself."

"The real Fleur is a bloody coward. A bitch. A completely shady and manipulative slut who'll do anything to achieve her goals, even if it means resorting to necrophilia for pleasure in the process. Because she has so much cash flowing from her huge tits, she can pay the media to cover up everything. It's the only reason why she doesn't have as much paparazzi as she damn well should.

"You bring that out in her. You bring out her guilt and mistakes, and they swirl and swirl around in her stomach so much that it makes her vomit. She's been doing that lately, thanks to the booze. But you know what? If you just take her in again without a frown of anger, she'll never learn. She'll never repent for anything. And she'll never learn how to give herself one hundred percent to you. She thinks flirting is sufficient to satisfy her...but it's not.

"She's a chauvinistic coquette because it's the only job she knows how to do well. She's a tease because it's the only natural thing she can do all the time, and feel good doing. But she only keeps doing it to run away from her past...and to run away from the reason why she did all of those things in the first place...

"To get over you."

I let Draco's words ring in my ears for a moment while my thousand mile stare took over my features. What if this was all some carefully concocted plan to get back at me? Books have a tendency to lie. Just like her. Every inch of love I thought I felt for her vanished while I let everything sink in and take its place.

She used my friends. She screwed her way to the top. She took advantage of people. She almost _killed _Draco and fooled him into staying head over heels for her, even after she took everything from him. She kept Antoinette trapped. She tried to drive everyone apart in the name of revenge...

All of that because I never once gave into her distant flirting...

"Hermione?"

Draco actually called me by my first name, but that didn't stop me from throwing my empty flask straight across the room. It broke against the wall and Antoinette stood and inched over to the door with Draco. They opened it, probably to get out, while I scrambled to my feet and went to my dresser.

I still had a few scars on my neck. I turned around and lifted my shirt; I had a thousand stitches on my back and ribs. What was this the product of..? Love or hate? Compassion or revenge?

What if she ran away after finally finishing her deeds and leaving me on my death bed? I could have DIED. All those dreams I've been having in my sleep about her flying down to me like an angel were fucking lies. All LIES!

I ran my hand across my dresser and shoved off every bottle of over priced perfume, make up, nail polish, and every other stupid primpy product I bought because I wanted to be like _Fleur. _I grabbed every drawer and pulled it out, ripping every stupid article of clothing that I picked out because it would make me stand out like _Fleur. _I threw the drawers against the walls, making huge holes that weren't deep enough. Holes that couldn't compare to how stupid and used I felt..

I grabbed my mirror and yelled every damn obscenity I knew as I threw it at my window, breaking it and sending the mirror crashing down on Antoinette's truck. I didn't care. I didn't care about any damn thing. My blood pressure was rising and my eyes and head were steaming. My eyes were pouring out waterfalls of boiling tears while I grabbed my lamp and threw it at the dresser. I smashed every light bulb in the room and crushed them with my bare hands. I was twitching...throbbing...

I wished to hell that I'd stop wanting sex from Fleur...especially right now.

I grabbed my wand and shoved it at my bed, making it split in two while I threw the ripped pillows and comforter over the pile in the middle of the room. I was pissed off, now more than ever. I didn't care that Draco and Antoinette were quavering in my doorway. I didn't give a damn that I broke my nails and screwed up my pedicure. I was sweating and still snarling at the top of my lungs while I reached for the mannequin and ripped the dress with my hands...

"STUPID, STUPID, STUPID! What the FUCK was I thinking, wasting my time with this bullshit? DAYS I spent slaving over this stupid dress for her... DAYS AND WEEKS AND MONTHS AND YEARS I spent obsessing over that whore!"

I threw the ripped fabric in the air and proceeded to punch the mannequin to a pulp, with a little help from my wand to burn it to a crisp. I fumbled with the box on the floor next to it, and opened it and revealed that stupid ring...

"Proposing to Fleur...would have been the ABSOLUTE WORST mistake EVER! I couldn't control falling in love with her, either! I BET YOU ANYTHING that was part of her plan! This is all part of her plan! Get me upset then run away, but making me think that I still want her! GO FIND her and grovel at her feet, BEGGING her to come back! Well to hell with you, Fleur! You can stay gone! You're DEAD to me!"

I slammed the ring down on the dresser and burned both of them. The molten gold glinted menacingly in the moonlight, but I didn't care. I was over it. I was so over Fleur...

"Why didn't you tell me before, Malfoy? WHY? I would have left her AGES AGO IF I-"

My heart literally fell down a bottomless pit as I finally took in the scene in my doorway. Antoinette and Draco were near tears, cowering behind Fleur...

She looked a mess. Her eyes were out of focus, but she was still crying. Her cheeks were red, probably from alcohol. Her knees were threatening to give way as she walked towards me, but I remembered my rage in an instant and pointed my wand at her.

"You already know what I'm going to say, you bitch. Just stay the hell away from me! Do you HEAR ME? I don't trust you anymore! I hate you! I HATE YOU ALLLLL over again, thanks to your stupid mistakes and patterns of mistrust! How am I supposed to believe that you're crying over me, huh? Well DON'T bother explaining, I'm LEAVING!"

It was my turn to run that time. I gave her the finger with both of my hands and apparated the hell out of there. I ran to the familiar wooden house down the hill, tears cutting my face and my lungs giving out as I pounded my legs at full force in the rain and thunder. I felt like fainting, but I couldn't be weak. Not like her. I felt so broken and lost without her, but I'd never admit it to anyone. I couldn't believe her. I couldn't believe this...

Now I really was back to where I started... But there was still a small part of me that wanted to believe that Fleur changed. There was an even bigger part of me that felt her tears showering me, and not just rain. I didn't know what to believe...

Why did she always, always have to influence me when all I want her to do is cease to exist...? And why can't I be the one to forget about her so easily?

Why can't I truly be as conniving as her to help me move on...?


	24. Love and Let Live

_**XXIV. **__Love and Let Live_

_(Fleur's POV)_

"Fleur, don't tell me you're not going after her."

"No, Draco. Not right now."

I sighed and collected myself; this was stupid. I felt at my lowest, all because Hermione couldn't forgive me for the mistakes I made in the past. She didn't believe that I'd really changed.

I snatched my wand from Draco and Repaired everything in Hermione's room. I left the dress and ring alone. _My_ dress and ring. I noticed them last month when I came in here to cry like a baby. I remember feeling overwhelmed with grief when I saw them. But I didn't run away yesterday; I just went over Gabrielle's house and asked that she not tell anyone where I was.

Antoinette and Draco sat down on the bed and motioned for me to sit next to them. Gabrielle came in a second later and sat down at my feet, looking up at me uncertainly. Her gaze stung. I wished she'd stop looking at me like that..

"Why were you crying?"

"I'm drunk. Zat was why, damnit. I feel like shit."

"Fleur, I told you to stop drinking. You're not going to forget 'ow much you love her, and she won't, eizer. I don't know why you dragged me wiz you to eavesdrop; you knew she was going to zrow a tantrum."

"At least my drunk self is quite aware zat zis is futile."

"Will you stop talking?" Draco asked impatiently. "You sound horrible when you slur."

"No one is making you stay, you cod."

"Don't get all touchy just 'cause your girlfriend shoved her fingers in front of your face instead of up your ass."

"I wish my girlfriend wasn't so damn nosy, if you must know."

"Didn't she just break up with you..?" Antoinette asked.

"Non. She is weak like zat. Gabrielle, why don't you explain to zem what you told me. I am going to lay down now."

"Okay… Well, I pretty much told 'er zat she is being stupid for sulking so much. 'Ermione 'ates it when Fleur is insecure, so from now on, Fleur will no longer be insecure. Not on purpose, anyway."

"On purpose?" Draco babbled. "Fleur, what are you planning on doing to the woman?"

"She is so kind and forgiving, just like you. Next zing you know, she will be asking me to marry 'er. You two are so purrrrfect for each ozzer."

"The hell?" Antoinette slapped me a bit and frowned. "Since when is it alright to take advantage of Hermione? What happened to respecting her?"

"Mmpf. Antoinette, you 'umor me. You spineless bitch. You want 'er to treat me like shit to get back at me for all the stress I put you zrough. You want 'er to make me cry and sob and reduce me to no'zing so you can pretend to comfort me but silently laugh in my face. Don't play me—"

Antoinette had the gall to launch herself on me to try and punch me, but I stopped her with a lazy flick of my wand. I may have been drunk, but that didn't render me completely useless. I'm a truthful drunk, not a stupid one.

"And you, Draco – if she is so important to you, and if you care about 'er so much, zen go fuck 'er. I know she went to ze Burrow. I know you want payback, too.

"Oh, but let me guess," I continued on when Draco didn't even look at me. "You're just jealous zat I'm not using 'er for any'zing. I actually love 'er. I'm actually reducing myself to a borderline obsessive maggot over 'er. I never did zat for you.

"I am not stupid, Draco. Antoinette." I flicked my wand again and let her fall on top of me. I held her in my arms and smelled her hair for no reason. "I love 'Ermione wiz every fiber of my being. I'm not trying to get payback. I'm not trying to do any'zing to 'urt 'er.

"And I am not a slut anymore. I am not a liar. I am not a coward, I am not manipulative, and I would not fuck a dead person. Gabrielle and I 'eard every goddamn zing you said. If even you two cannot believe zat I 'ave changed, zen get ze 'ell out of my life. I don't need you. As stupid as I sound, I only need 'Ermione."

"But Fleur—"

"You 'eard me, you slimy bastard. Eizer stay wiz me or get out. I 'ave been zrough 'ell and back, worrying and worrying zat 'Ermione might 'ave been dying all zis time. Zen when she finally wakes up, I come back and 'ear you two exaggerating shit. So which is it, hm? Will you believe me when I say I 'ave changed, or will you forever be in disbelief?"

Draco and Antoinette didn't move a muscle. Gabrielle stood up and sat where Antoinette was and sighed. Squall came in soon after, rubbing sleep from his eyes as he dragged himself in the room.

"What was all that noise just now?"

"'Ermione zrew a tantrum like ze big baby she is."

"Whoa, what? Fleur! You're back—"

"I never left to begin wiz."

"Then please explain where you've been.."

"Wiz my sister. I just 'ad 'er tell everyone zat she and ze twins were out searching for me."

"Why..? Hermione needed you."

"Funny 'ow she decided to wake up while I was gone, zen."

"Are you alright..?"

"Oh, non. I am 'aving a wonderful night. I am drunk and ze love of my life ran off to ze one place where I cannot tread."

"Says who?" Draco spat. "Go after her. Now."

"She is expecting me to go running after 'er. Why be so predictable, hm? I 'ave 'er wrapped around my finger. She 'as me wrapped around 'er finger and so much more. But zat does not mean I will shatter my pride and show 'er zat."

"Pride and love don't mix, honey," Antoinette mumbled to my shoulder. "Why are you being so stubborn? She's bound to fall out of love with you at this point."

"Non. She _can't."_

"You don't really believe every word of that book, do you?"

"Oui, I do."

"What book?" Squall yawned.

"According to a nice little book explaining 'Ermione's disease, ze more she tries to fight her attractions for me, ze faster she will die. So unless she wants to die, zen she can call 'erself falling out of love wiz me. 'Ence why I don't care right now. Or maybe it 'as some'zing to do wiz zis 'Enessy."

"Why are you drunk if you supposedly don't care? Or are you somehow going to mysteriously write that off to the alcohol?"

"Guilt."

"You had something to do with her 'accident' then?"

"I 'ad every'zing to do wiz it, Squall. I transformed and blasted her out ze window." Draco stiffened at this. Squall looked horrified, but I continued on. "And I 'eroically jumped after 'er and saved 'er life because I love 'er so, even zough it was my fault to begin wiz.

"Or was it 'ers for being so fucking nosy? So caring, compassionate, patient, romantic, beautiful sexy adorable…so 'Ermione. She is too much for me sometimes. All ze time. All ze goddamn time, and I just keep coming back for more.

"Well, not zis time. I am tired of caring. If she could get so mad as to doubt my intentions right now, zen whatever."

"What the fuck?" Antoinette asked loudly. "She's the best damn thing that ever happened to you, and you're just going to keep lying here because she got pissed off?"

"You should be mad at 'er too, blondie. Last time I checked, she ruined your truck."

"I can _fix _that, Fleur. This is something you need to fix, too. Stop being an asshole and go after her!"

I pointed my wand at myself and cleaned my face, fixed my hair and clothes, and freshened my breath. I really didn't feel like going after her, but I guess I had to. I knew I'd probably have to face some stupid trials at that godforsaken house of red heads, but, really, what else could I expect?

Antoinette stood up, and the four of them stared at me for a moment. The alcohol in my system was draining me of emotion, but just like my alcoholism, I had a Hermioneism. I wish I didn't, but I still felt tiny shocks of guilt and want for her spark a need for her in my bones. In my blood, even.

I suppose, in a way, we were both sick. Neither of us could live for long if the other was gone. That gave me comfort, but at the same time, I just wanted to go ahead and get this over with. I sighed and apparated near the Burrow without a word.

* * *

Walking through the rain didn't bother me; nothing could bother me anymore. Stoicism came back to bite me in the ass at just the right time.

I cried a river of emotions and sadness all this time while she fought for her life, and almost killed myself when it looked like she was gone. She knew it, too. But did she take that into consideration when she threw her fit? Hell no. The last impression is the biggest impression, and my best friends had the nerve to make her believe that I was still a coward and a liar and a slut.

I don't take kindly to having my world ripped from underneath my feet. My world that I worked so damn hard for. I did more than fuck every man around the corner and down the block for seemingly no reason. I did so much more than spend the past thirteen years forgetting about Hermione.

I actually felt bad about what I did to Draco. He insisted that I keep Eyevine, so I helped him start up his current company. I gave Antoinette every extra franc and galleon I had to get her back on her feet when her stupid boyfriend left her high and dry. THAT was why I was acting like a prostitute; to help my damn _friends. _But they conveniently thought I just had money flowing from my breasts and ass, and didn't take anything else into consideration.

I should have listened to Hermione. She didn't want to hear anyone else's opinion. She didn't want to hear anyone else's voice. Except for mine. Draco and Antoinette couldn't wait to tell Hermione everything as soon as she woke up.

Those two have successfully lost my trust. I won't be seeing them in the same light ever again.

But if Hermione wants to keep throwing a tantrum when I find her, I'll just leave. I wish she'd stop being so childish. I don't care if I'm being inconsiderate or insensitive. My mother told Gabrielle and I that this would happen. For one reason or another, I can't blame my mother for my stupid insecurities and old scars.

I only have myself to blame. I'm done making scapegoats and empty excuses. I want my image back, even if it is 'fake.' I want my world back, and no one is going to snatch it away from me ever again. I'm not so head over heels to call Hermione my world. If anything, she's everything that threatens to destroy it.

But I'm still so damn addicted to her that it's not even funny..

I entered through the kitchen and a dark, empty room greeted me. I strode through and looked around some more, checking to make sure no one was there. I'm guessing she was upstairs or something, so I sighed and made my way up.

As I got to the top, I heard someone in front of me. I couldn't see who it was. I didn't want to bring any attention to myself if I used my wand to remedy that, so I just kept walking; it wasn't Hermione. But the person's strong arms stopped me in my path. I turned my nose up at him as he spoke.

"How dare you show your face here?" It was Charlie. The foolish man.

"I'm looking for 'Ermione. Now if you'll excuse me—"

"We know what happened. Get out of here now before someone else finds you."

"Non. You 'eard me. Move."

"NO! You stupid broad, get out of this house! You're not welcome here!"

"Hmph." I sneered at him; he was so frustrated to the point of senseless name-calling. "You 'ave no right to insult me. Unless your name is 'Ermione. And it is not, so kindly get out of my way—"

The oaf shoved me down the stairs and cut me off.. I was too surprised to react immediately, but I saw his eyes widen slightly at his actions as my head and body bumped loudly against every wooden step on the way down. My head was already hurting from the stupid alcohol, but I didn't feel it bust open. I didn't feel any other pain besides my head…and my heart.

I sighed and staggered to my feet, brushing myself off as I scoffed at Charlie and went another way. I was limping slightly from hitting my hip, but I couldn't feel pain there. I was stoically frustrated with everything.

As I neared the entrance to the garden, I found Ginny standing guard with her arms crossed. I was nearly two heads taller than the woman, so she really didn't bother me. I tried to float past, but she shoved me as I reached her. I frowned down at her while she tried to threaten me, too.

"Haven't you done enough? Get the bloody hell out of here. Hermione doesn't want you. You're dead to her."

"I 'eard 'er ze first time, zank you. And she could very well be a necrophiliac; she does want me, dead or alive. So move."

"You think you're so damn smart. Everyone just has to be your damn victim. Well leave Hermione the hell alone and move on! She hates you!"

"She told me zat, too. You are boring me. Now if you'll excuse me—"

Ginny punched me in my stomach and I keeled over in pain. She, too, looked surprise by her actions. But I just sucked it up and stood up straight. I knew I had to repent, but I only wanted Hermione to be the one to make me do it. The so-called torture from everyone else here didn't faze me.

I only wanted Hermione to 'punish' me.

"Ginny, dear, that was…a bit harsh." Arthur. Damn coward, watching his daughter try to fight me..

"Dad, come on.."

"He's right." And Molly. If she had any ounce of nobility in all of that excess fat over her ass, I'd laugh for years.

"Where is 'Ermione."

"In the garden. Ginny, move."

"But mum—"

"You heard Hermione the first time," Arthur said quietly. "Now let Fleur go see her."

I didn't care what they were talking about; the bile in my stomach was bubbling dangerously, and I needed to go outside. Ginny lowered her head and mumbled an empty apology as she moved out of my way. I didn't dare look at her or her parents as I confidently walked back out into the rainy night.

I saw Hermione shivering a few yards away. She watched me approach her. She watched me limp towards her, I should say. But I felt proud. Dignified. I was walking towards her. And even though I certainly looked like I'd been beaten up, just being in the headlights of her soft gaze made me forget about all of that.

I stopped an inch away from her and looked down at her soaked figure. She looked scared. I was scaring her, I guess.. Either that, or she just didn't know what to believe.

So indecisive and confused. She needed work. A lot of work.

"Are you still angry wiz me?"

"Yes." She remembered to scowl now. I didn't understand her sometimes. But I certainly understood the crack I heard in my ears from my heart breaking at her expression…

"Punish me, zen. Charlie pushed me down a flight of stairs, and Ginny punched me in ze stomach. But you 'ave yet to do any'zing except break my 'eart because you doubt my intentions. So let's 'ear it."

"Hear what?"

"Do you still love me?"

She licked her lips and fell into my body. I didn't risk wrapping my arms around her; she was pounding my chest and crying into my shoulder. I took every blow, feeling the uncomfortable vibrations against my heart. But for some reason, her fists just seemed to miss my chest all together.

They just went straight through to my heart, breaking it more and more with the realization that she truly didn't trust me.

Just as I felt her last blow break every remnant of my cold heart, she sobbed louder than ever. She jerked my arms and bit my collar bone hard. I was probably bleeding, but my head was feeling too fuzzy to notice.

"You know damn well that I still love you…don't ask such a stupid question."

"And you know damn well zat I still love you, and yet you seem to be blinded by zat and my past."

"Can you fucking blame me? Just think about what you did…to Cho. To George. To ME, even!"

"I never did any'zing to you, 'Ermione. It wasn't because I never got ze chance; it was because I couldn't do zat to you."

"Then why the hell did you screw George? What was that all about!"

"I was desperate for your friendship."

That certainly calmed her down. She relaxed her grip and her bite, and we both finally wrapped our arms around each other. She was holding on to me for dear life, but I was gripping her out of fear that she'd slip away like the rain on our bodies.

It felt so good to hold her again, even though she was confused. I felt a euphoria from smelling her soaked hair, even though she doubted everything I stood for.

That made me so mad…

"I felt 'orrible for doing all of zat when Cedric died. Antoinette and Draco lied and exaggerated many parts of zeir little story. I 'ad no intention of making you rape me. I married Bill to satisfy my parents. I grew guilty zat I ever 'ad any malicious intentions as far as you were concerned.

"Ze reason why I was disloyal wiz Bill was indeed because I wanted to get over you. I felt insurmountable guilt for even zinking to do any'zing to you. You are such a kind and caring person. I knew it was a sign zat I snapped out of it when it came to you.

"I may 'ave even loved you. I don't remember. But George was still upset over Fred. I was upset over you. I did not pressure 'im into any'zing. He actually suggested ze idea when I told 'im I was going to stay in Paris permanently to be closer to ze company.

"When I bumped into you zat day, I only scoffed at you because I knew you didn't want my sympathy. In a way, me respecting your wishes _was _sympathy.

"Murder she wrote, I suppose. I 'ave what I want; I 'ave you. But I 'ad to put your life in jeopardy, unknowingly. I changed every'zing about you zat I admired before. I buried myself around lies to make myself forget about all of zat."

She pulled away slightly and looked up into my eyes. She was crying still. But she was trembling. From rage, from the cold, from disbelief…I didn't know which. I was losing faith in her faith for me, and it wasn't making her look very good in my eyes. Not at all.

"Why don't I believe you?"

"You are scared."

"I am not! _How _am I to believe you? You may have just lied to yourself to make even you believe it!"

"So is zat it? You take Draco and Antoinette's word over mine? _My _word zat 'as given you pleasure time after time, made you cry wiz 'appiness and fulfillment?

"If you must know, I felt bad after I ripped Draco of every'zing. I acted like a prostitute to 'elp 'im. But ze lies 'e built around himself to make up for 'is pride made 'im forget.

"I did ze same zing again, and gave every'zing I 'ad to 'elp get Antoinette back on 'er feet. _I _bought 'er zat truck you destroyed. _I _paid for ze clothes she and Draco wear, _I _gained Draco's friendship back…all because zey convinced me zat zey believe I 'ad changed for ze better.

"But ze way zey spoke of me made me believe zat zey were just taking advantage of me. Like zey didn't believe me. 'Ermione, zere is no'zing I can do to change what was done. And if _you _can't believe zat I 'ave changed, zen fine."

I let her go and gently pushed her back. I took a deep breath and turned on my heel to leave. I didn't have time for this. My life back home was a mess, and my life in Hermione's mind thought it would always be that way because of how I was in the past.

I don't need people like that in my life. I can go back to the life I had, surrounding myself with plastic smiles and breathy laughs if that's what it took for me to forget about her mistrust of me. If she was so hell-bent on being stubborn, then fine.

She was lucky, though; she wrapped her arms around my stomach and stopped me in my tracks. She was sobbing again… But she couldn't have done it in any worse way…the force she exerted on me pushed the bile up to my throat, and I felt the acid eject itself from my mouth onto the grass in front of me.

My eyes stung from embarrassment as my knees gave way and I retched some more. But she just held me…without saying a word. I hated her so much for needing to comfort me. I loved the way she nuzzled her face into my back, almost hesitantly, while I let my pride spill from my mouth and out onto the soaked garden..

All of the stress I'd been ignoring ever since I saw Hermione apparate away started to build inside of me. I vomited it all out, but it hurt me. It seared my stomach, my throat, my mouth… I coughed violently while I cried and shuddered with sick and shame.

I never wanted Hermione to see me this low ever again. Or anyone else for that matter. But especially not Hermione…

I wanted to test her loyalties, though. I couldn't blame her for being angry, but the reason why she was angry, a bitter over-exaggeration from my ex-best friends, broke me. If my efforts for repentance with them didn't work, how could they work with Hermione…?

That just made me cry even more, even though I was long since done adding to the pool of sick in front of me.. So many questions ran through my mind, sending disgusting signals to my stomach again and making my head throb with doubt.

Hermione would have hell to pay if she still doubted me, too. I couldn't fathom losing her. I couldn't risk my pride automatically shunning her from my life like a used tissue if she were to turn her back on me.

Forgiveness shouldn't need to be so difficult when we're in love. But it was because she loved me so that she was scared of the incessant possibilities of my personality shifts.

Well, if she was so concerned, then she can see all of them and more. She can trust every single Fleur and learn to love all of them if she claims to trust me.

But it still made my heart ache as she held me to think that she was afraid of any part of me. I still hurt with regret and guilt that I hurt her without saying a word.

I just wish she could believe me…


	25. Le Bonheur

_**XXV. **__Le Bonheur_

_(Hermione's POV)_

"'Ermione…I'm not going to lie – I'm afraid of myself. I'm afraid I'll do some'zing to you again."

"What exactly are you trying to tell me…?"

"I need your help, just like you need mine. I wish zis wasn't ze case. I 'ate needing people."

"Fleur…that's why I'm here - to help you. If you didn't need me, then you wouldn't love me."

"No…I need you. Need as in ze ground we tread upon to 'ave a place in ze universe. I need your touch to keep me stable; to make me feel wanted. No one else would want someone like me."

"Someone like you…?"

"Someone 'oo takes absolute pleasure in ripping your needs and wants in two one moment, zen melding zem toge'zer into an insatiable addiction zat you cannot fight."

I looked down at her blonde head buried in my neck as we lay on my fixed bed that night. Fleur was actually telling me what was on her mind… I could hardly believe it. The sheer honesty I heard from her tone made me feel tingles wrack my body. The way she was holding me so tightly and affectionately made me forget my fear towards her.

"What do you mean?"

"Ze reason why I grew bored wiz men was because zey were no fun at all if not in bed. But you are so full of life; you know when to show me rage, and when to show me tenderness. You can take a feel of my needs and evaluate zem correctly, even if ze last zing you want is to satisfy me.

"I suppose what I am saying is zat you are so strong and malleable zat it makes you vulnerable. I don't want anyone to ever take advantage of you except for me. Because only I know 'ow. Ze right way."

"Take advantage of me the right way? Fleur, what—"

"Don't ask, don't tell, love… You are in for a rough ride if you want to keep my attention for longer zan a day. Even zough we 'ave been togezzer for seven monz now, I feel like zings are just…beginning, non? What do you zink…?"

Her words made my breaths go shallow. The way she gazed up at me with such a serious expression made my stomach melt with nerves and uncertainty, with a tinge of attraction. Times like these make me realize I'm not up to par for her…

I only saw flashes of what little she was doing to me while she laid me on my back. The entirety of thirty seconds that it took for my back to hit the bed, she did so much to me that I could only register it as flashes of back-to-back scenes.

I felt her nails gently scratch down my face; I felt more nails glide their way up my stomach. With every movement of her fingers, she tied and loosened so many knots of pleasure and uncertainty inside of me. I gasped sharply as I all but felt her teeth gnaw on my shoulder, again tying and loosening knots every which way.

I craned my head around in ecstasy and fear while she whispered to my neck. I squirmed around in happiness and madness while she kept teasingly inching her nails down in between my thighs. She wracked my body with nothing but the mist of her lust and love, and I felt it congeal into something so much more than anything I'd ever felt. It was more satisfying than sex, but it was still more frustrating than not having it…

My primal instincts began swirling inside of me, sending a cataract of confusion and arousal around my senses. When my back finally touched the bed, I convoluted against Fleur while I sighed loudly. I had no idea what she was doing to me, but it felt so right and wrong at the same time. She held me tight and kissed my eyes closed, sending shivers down my face and body as she got down on all fours on top of me.

I tried my best to hold her close, but she arched away from me. Her hair tickled me, frustratingly, as did her breath as she laughed softly in my mouth. I was panting for penetration everywhere, and I only wanted her to take care of me. I was groaning for gushes of warmth to get rid of her cold exterior… But more than anything, I wanted to know how she was doing this to me…

Her words vanished from my mind; I forgot my fear, no matter how much I wanted to cling onto it for support. I wanted to be afraid of her, just like she wanted me to. But I still forcefully wrapped my arms around her neck and made her kiss me. Even though I was scared of her motives, I still ripped her shirt off and smiled as she gasped in surprise.

Just one more indulgence, then that would be it. Just one more, then I would go back to pushing her away. I tried to remember that I had to not trust her while I kissed my way down her neck. I dug my nails into her back, trying to keep some sensibility about being careful of her ways.

Her body heat was too addicting. I needed it, lest I froze to death without her touch. I rolled on top of her this time while I went back to devouring her mouth with my teeth and tongue. I felt her smile, mischievously perhaps, while I kept on with my rough explorations of her breasts with my hands. She ground her nails in my scalp, making me groan with agony and delusion while I felt her guide me.

Even though I was on top, she was still telling me where to go as she brought my head to her face, her neck, her breasts and back up again. I was at her mercy, but I didn't care. This was just one time to let myself taste her until I couldn't resist her anymore. This was my revenge; ripping and tearing at her perfection for being so adored and wanted by everyone. But this was also my treat…even though everyone wanted her, only I could have her.

I wished she would tell me, somehow, that I was desirable. I wasn't thinking about upholding any standards for myself while I kept begging her to let my head stay in place long enough to kiss her full lips. I didn't care that my parents warned me about her motives while I glossed my frivolous hands down her curves. I forgot my rage and uncertainty with her, because I was too selfless and selfish at the same time.

I wanted to eat more now. I was hungry, _starving _for her. I was thirsty for her. I tried to move my head down past her breasts, but she wouldn't let me. I grunted and bit her hard, but she just arched in pleasure. I gripped her arms in protest, but she just massaged my scalp, sending a familiar earthquake of pleasure across my head and down my spine, rendering my protests useless.

"You see? So strong and vulnerable you are, ma chere. But I love you for it. You are so perfect for me zat I could scream…"

I strained my neck and automatically craned my head from side to side in revulsion and loss of control. I was twitching more than anything, really. I grit my teeth and shut my eyes as I felt frustration seep through my pores from her sexy laughter.

I didn't want to keep giving into her, but I had nothing else to do. _Something else _seemed like a myth; all my time and efforts revolved around Fleur…

She sensed my struggling and rolled on top of me again, making sure to do so much to me and more as my back slowly made its descent onto my bed. She bit my neck and I groaned. She kept teasing me in between my legs with her fingers, and I knew I was wet. She breathed her sweet breath in my ear while I opened my eyes wide in surprise…

"Fear me and it'll make ze love feel better, 'Ermione. Want me, crave me, lust me…and it'll make every'zing feel zat much better when ei'zer one of us can't take it anymore. Just like zis…"

My stomach bubbled with warmth as she finally slipped her hand up my shorts and inserted a finger inside of me. My head shot from side to side again while I squirmed underneath her. It…did feel that much better. It's been so long since I've felt her in this way… I should have been resisting, but my stubborn attitude only seemed to make me want her more.

She kept scratching her nail inside of me, and I constricted around her, wanting more and wanting less at the same time. I hated how good this felt…she had so much damn control. I couldn't help my moans. I couldn't help how insanely aroused she made me from just shoving a finger inside of me and breathing softly in my ear.

My breaths were escalating; I wanted her to do more. My doubts kept running amok in my mind, but I wished she'd smash them with the flick of her tongue. My fear of her kept multiplying, but it just melted as a pool of warmth inside of me, making me shiver every time it floated away and left me cold in one place, and burning me in another.

Doors of trust and allowance kept opening and shutting for her with every wrack of my body. I couldn't believe what she was doing to me; I still had no idea what it was, anyway. My senses heightened, and I heard Fleur lick her lips and brush them against my ear as I arched my back.

She sped up her finger and sent me soaring, but I still felt so trapped to the surface with her so close by. I felt so light and heavy with pleasure and confusion. I didn't know why I couldn't trust her to let me go beyond the skies, but I still knew that I was afraid of her. I trusted her with my life, but I didn't trust her with my weaknesses.

I found myself losing control, spinning into a vortex of desire and lust with her. I couldn't keep her for long if I was my boring self, but I didn't trust myself to let go completely. I knew the way I felt my climax hit was telling me otherwise, but I was scared of her. I was afraid of my insatiable want of her, even though she was gently kissing my fears away in the form of the sweat beading my forehead.

But her voracious breath prickled me dangerously. Her finger leaving me as I felt my legs shake from hitting ground again made me moan in agony. I don't know why I felt so trapped and so free at the same time as she held me close. My breaths calmed down as she lay at my side, her head again buried in my neck. Why did I feel so angry?

"You were 'esitating. Why?"

"I don't think I trust you."

"I don't trust you for not trusting me, ei'zer. But you are still 'olding me."

"And you're still holding me."

"You know why we're doing zis, love. We can keep flirting like children if you want. But you know what I want from you right now."

"No, I don't."

"Oui, you do. It's so obvious, n'est-ce pas?"

"It isn't, Fleur."

"Just zink about it…since, you know, you're good at zinking and not much else."

"Excuse me?"

I took a deep breath and gripped her arms to pull her away and look at her properly. She was giving me a blank expression, save for her lopsided smile. I widened my eyes at her gall and tried to push her off of me, but she just latched herself onto me with no intention of ever letting go. It made me feel loved. Hurt. Confused. Used, maybe.

"Mmm, see zere? You know what I want."

"Why are you so damn confusing, Fleur?"

"To make up for 'ow mundane you 'ave grown to be since you 'ave nestled some control over yourself."

"Mundane?"

"Oui. Sometimes I like it when you're aggressive, sometimes I like it when you're gentle. Sometimes I want you to kiss me, ozzer times I just want you to fuck me, no matter where we are. You like reading, non? Well, consider me your new book."

"Why can't you just…tell me what you want and need?"

"Because I only want and need you. 'Ow much depends on so many factors. I'd like to test you, sexy."

I blushed, but she just kept her silly smile plastered on her perfect face. I didn't want to be her little sex toy. I wanted her to respect me for who I was, and not what I could do for her. Why couldn't she understand that…?

"But don't get me wrong. I understand zat you 'ave your fears and 'esitations to be wiz someone like me. I do not blame you. But admit it – if I were ugly, you would not love me so. I am shallow enough to ze point where I can admit ze same for you.

"'Ermione, I love 'oo you are. You know what you want all ze time, even zough you may get lost in ze process of obtaining whatever zat may be. You 'ave me. I am yours. But do not forget zat I do own you, too."

"I'm not a piece of meat…"

"You are right. I tend to avoid meat as much as possible. It's not good for me."

"No, Fleur…you make me sound like an object. You make yourself sound like an object. A toy, even."

"Just like I was your little 'ate toy monz ago, hm? You only wanted to get me to fall in love wiz you for revenge. Well, I suggest you do zat again."

"But it made you mad."

"So? Just do what feels right to keep my attention. I already know 'ow to keep yours. Believe me; I know."

"And just what makes you so damn sure?"

She shoved my hands off of her and moved her mouth to my ear again. She inched her tongue inside and breathed for a moment, moistening my ear considerably. My eyes lost focus as I stared down her breasts and ripped shirt. I'd nearly forgotten how aggressive I could be whenever she broke my sanity and brought back my carnal desires…

"Let's just see 'ow long you can go wizout any part of me up any orifice of yours. Zen you'll understand. We'll keep playing zis game, zen you will understand what I mean. Until zen…au revoir. Let's go out some time wiz everyone else. Soon, non?"

She blew a raspberry in my ear and laughed before vanishing in a loud pop. The absence of her body on top of mine was nothing but heavy, stagnant air. I put a hand over my ear and rubbed a bit of Fleur from it and moved my fingers to my mouth. I sighed and sucked them, not knowing what else to do…

If this was happiness with Fleur, feeling confusion and hatred one moment, then arousal and need another, then I had no idea what to make of it. My hands were shaking again, but I tried to ignore it. My stomach was aching to be warmed up with nerves, but I couldn't listen to it…

I looked around my room and saw that Fleur didn't Repair the dress or the ring. The remnants were still sprawled around where I left them.

I stood up with just my thumb in my mouth and walked over to the mess. I swallowed, wondering what to do. I wasn't confident enough to ask for her hand in marriage again; I was scared that she'd do another turn and make me regret it. But she knew I wanted to. That's what mattered right now.

I sat down on top of what was left of my hard work and sighed. I felt like following her and making her pay for doing this to me…whatever this was. I had no idea how she could make me so useless like right now. I didn't like it at all, but I liked what she did to make me feel this way.

Was throwing away my pride with Fleur worth it? To satisfy her, and to be satisfied – was it worth the price of losing my dignity? I wasn't sure. I hated jumping into things without certainty; the incidents we've been through have told me that much.

But she's all I think about. She's all I breathe, see, smell, touch, taste… I wish I could be above her and make her think that she isn't so much to me. It would be a complete lie, though. I'd be lying to her, just like she's been doing to me by not telling me her secrets.

I figured I'd inch into this ocean of 'happiness' with Fleur a little bit at a time until I'm sure I won't drown. Or at least until I'm certain I can drown her until she's sputtering for me to let her live. Whichever. It was a dangerous game, but I was willing to change, gradually, for her.

She broke down earlier and showed me who she was, even though I knew it pained her to let her pride slip so easily. I wanted to do the same thing, but not so soon. Not so easily. Even if it meant going along with her game, I didn't want to give into her just yet.

How ironic.


	26. Lollygagging

_**XXVI. **__Lollygagging_

_(Fleur's POV)_

After I left Hermione's room, I didn't return home. Hell, Hermione's room was more home to me than anything else. I wanted to stay there with her. Forever, really…Though, I realized that was silly to even consider. We've been together for months, and neither one of us has suggested moving in with the other. Or at least opting to sleep with each other every night. Should we? That seemed typical enough.

But alas, my high-maintenance self decided that that was indeed silly. Anyway, I decided that a trip to the library was needed. I didn't just go for any old reason, or to humor you and make you think that I've turned into Hermione. She strangely hasn't been to the library in ages as far as I know. Was that bad? I had no idea, really. Hmm.

I stayed in the library all day, and even cast a Disillusionment Charm on myself every night while I slept. I did this every day, for seven days. I only apparated home to shower, changes clothes, and eat; once that was done, I was right back to studying. Studying more on her disease…

I didn't care about anything else.

It was day number eight when I sat in the library one late evening, hunched over some silly thing I was writing after I couldn't stand reading anymore.

I sighed and glossed my eyes over my neat scribbles, trying to make sense of what I wrote.

_I am an idiot for not realizing this before. I'm stupid for playing with her head; taunting her to stay away from me, and laughing sexily is so predictable of me. She's entering another stage where the strings of her nerve cells make her my little puppet. She'd hate me even more if she knew._

_I didn't think anything of the way she sighed with such pleasure when all I did was preen her as I guided her back to her bed. If anything, I was smiling with complete bliss as my ears perked up at her wonderful exasperation. How selfish of me…_

_I was wondering if or when this would ever happen while I kept myself from crying as I voiced my thoughts to her about being afraid of myself. This is what I'm afraid of. I sadly don't know why I'm afraid; just months ago, I was bursting with confidence that I could control her enough to prevent this._

_It seems that even my ego has a mind of its own sometimes. I wish it would take over. I wish and wish and wish so many things all the time, but they never come true. I can't tell Hermione about my longings; she'd think me silly…_

_Hermione being healthy, happy, and safe is all I want. It's all I need. She's all I need. But the only way I can ever have her right now is if she has an inkling of the blood of my thrall coursing through her lovely veins. I'm depressed at my findings, but I also should have known that this was the case…_

_What exactly have I found out? Well…for starters, my hunch about Hermione's sanity correlating to her love for me was correct. Apparently, according to about five books that Hermione never checked out, if she is cured, then…she might not love me anymore. _

_My thrall has entered her immune system and her common sense. If she ever does get complete release, then my thrall will stop working. If my stupid thrall is the only thing that keeps her so madly in love with me, then she'll just go back to how she was before; straight and blissfully unaware of ever having feelings for me, unnatural or otherwise. _

_My stomach feels like a complete mess from all of the strain I've been under all of these months. My eyes can never stay decently dry, either. I know…I know I should just ask her exactly how she loves me. I know I should just give in and let ourselves have a lovey-dovey relationship that I know she wants. Sometimes, I want that, too. Other times, I just feel like I only want our relationship to be physical. I really don't know what I want…_

_My mother knew this would happen. But she could never scare Hermione away. Hermione is too brave to run away; she's too brash to believe anything like this. Something so intangible and theoretical. The books did say that my fears came true for another couple, but Hermione would probably write it off to coincidence. Because of true love or because of my thrall…I don't know which._

_I should just voice my concerns to her. I know I should. I've been telling myself to do that all week. I almost lost her, and I know I won't pass up the chance to kill myself if she ever does die before I do. If she were to die before knowing how much I love her, and not because I'm just flattered by how much she's changed for me, I'd feel horrible. _

_This is love. Feeling completely drained at the mere thought of Hermione dying, then soaring beyond any barriers, imaginable and unimaginable, is wonderful. Wonderful, and painful. I feel like I should pour my heart out to her so that she won't ever forget me. But I also feel like I should stay as far away from her as possible so that she'll never get the chance to forget. I don't know, and I hate the uncertainty…_

_I'm wasting my time, sitting here and writing. I should be out with Hermione…making her fall in love with me the right way. I should be showing her the stars from the heavens, the earth from the moon, and my love for her from my heart. Not just my mouth. Or my finger. But that's all I know how to do. Dinner dates and other fancy outings are so bland to me; they remind me of all the years I wasted with men until I found her that night in September._

_That makes me feel inferior. Fleur Delacour actually doesn't know how to do something. I try to pretend like I don't want such a simple relationship, but sometimes I do. It's just that hot sex and tangible passion makes me feel competent. It's what I like. But Hermione is a talker. I'm a talker, too. In between her legs, I sure as hell am. _

_But she doesn't always speak my language. It's like we're not even compatible at all! Suddenly, it feels like everything's turned upside-down and dumped all of the progress we've made. I've been going about things all wrong. But I've been doing everything the only way I know how. Asking Hermione for help is simply out of the question…and that is, again, another sign that there has been no progress between us. I'm too proud to let myself go with her…_

_This is so…stupid._

* * *

I finally decided to abandon the library a few nights later, and shrunk my long note to myself and stashed it in my pocket. I decided to go mill about the city for a while. Being depressed and moping around was not doing me any good; I had no idea why I was being emo. My moods are most certainly the one thing I don't understand about myself.

After trying my hardest to ignore the stares from every man who passed me, I remembered that I turned my phone off before I went in the library. I sighed and turned it on while I wandered down a large field of grass.

I blinked profusely as I took in what my screen was reading; I had a hundred missed calls and at least forty texts from Hermione. I think I may have blushed at one point and chuckled as I sat down on a random patch of grass as I went down to the first text she sent me.

Even if I did get them, I wouldn't have responded. I hate texting. That, and I really don't even know how to text. Not very well, anyway. Hermione would probably just smile and shake her head if I told her. Then she'd laugh sweetly and kindly offer to show me how. Mmm…

I shook my head after drifting off for a while and turned my attention back to my phone. She sent the first one some days ago while I was writing my note according to the time. She must really have worried herself sick. I feel bad now for laughing, but I had to admit that it was…well, _sweet _of her.

_Look, I'm sorry about being so cross with you the other night. I didn't think you'd actually avoid me, if that's what you're doing. No one's heard from you in days, and I'm just…well, I'd like to…damn it, just respond when you get this._

I chuckled and shook my head at her words. No sickening signature with X's and O's. Good. But she was obviously trying to tell me something. Many of the texts after that one were suspiciously hinting that she missed me. Like this one –

_Are you trying to make me worry about you by not answering my calls or responding to my texts? Why are you avoiding everyone? To keep up with your little game? Well, this is pointless. Just stop. _

Oh, and this one, too –

_If you're out getting drunk, then I'll murder you._

That was just too funny; I couldn't help but laugh. This one was interesting –

_Honestly, where are you? Everyone's telling me that this is normal, and none of them seem concerned to the point of even trying to contact you. They say you're probably just out somewhere and forgot to turn on your phone. If that's it, I'm going to…do…something to you…whenever I see you._

I laughed again, but my laughter quickly died in my throat when I read the rest of the text that I seemed to overlook…

_If I ever see you…_

It wasn't until I got to text number thirty that they became quite blunt. It was the same line, every time…

_I'm sorry. I love you. Please let me know you're okay. Please…_

I ran a hand down my face and covered my mouth as I sighed. I had no idea why I was still sitting here, probably making her worry even more. I should have apparated to her room, but there was just something so magnetic about sitting here, reading her texts.

She actually _cared _about me. This was proof enough that she'd be alright if I was to cure her…but I still had my doubts. I always have my doubts…

I had gone past text number forty; she was sending me text after text that very moment, and I read all of them as they came in.

_Will you please say something? I don't know why I'm still texting you…you're probably just laughing at me for worrying over you. If that's the case, then you need to get a life. Oh, hell…why am I trying to argue with you over a phone you're not even paying attention to?_

_Fleur, come on. I know you're reading these. You can't have gone nearly two weeks without once looking at your phone! This is ridiculous! I'm actually concerned, okay? _

_I cleaned your house earlier today, you know. From the amount of alcohol bottles I found around there, I really hope you're not out drinking. If you are, then I suppose I can understand…you were really shaken up from our little incident, I suppose. But just don't let it turn into a habit._

Of course not, Hermione… Why would I ever turn into an alcoholic? I didn't see the point in trying to text her this. But the short pause she took from sending me messages made my heart ache. I wanted to keep sitting here, reading her every thought poured out into this silly device in my hand.

The next ones were the longest and most sincere. I assumed they were the last ones she was going to send me that night from the finality in her tone. Hmm…

_I'm still sorry. I don't know why I'm apologizing, but I am. I know you taunted me about not being able to resist you, and I honestly can't. But Fleur, I can't pretend like this is some game of shame and pride with you and I. Believe it or not, we're actually in a relationship. If you even consider this one, anyway. But at the same time, I'm sorry if I'm being overbearing with you and you just want your space right now._

_I need to talk to you, Fleur. I'm worried about you. I can't do anything except sit here on my bed, trying to keep from crying while I keep texting you. But seriously, if you're just out lollygagging around (literally…) right now, purposely ignoring me, then I won't know what to think. _

_If this is still a game, then fine – you win. I'm really upset right now, and Ron's threatened to hex my phone if I don't leave it alone and go eat dinner. Happy now? But I am going to go eat. Or at least I'm going to try, anyway. I'm not putting my phone down…nor am I going to turn it off._

_I just…really need to hear your voice. Call me? Please?_

I chuckled nervously and held back tears of…joy? I still had my hand over my mouth, laughing and giggling. Lollygagging… Hermione must have been worried that I was out giving blow jobs every which way. Gagging a lolly. How perceptive of her. But still so…naïve.

I looked up to the sky and finally realized where I was sitting; I was right by the Eiffel tower. A part of me grew to be deathly afraid of heights. Besides, having nightmare after nightmare of blasting Hermione out of my window, down nearly seventy floors kept poking my mind… But there were other dreams. Many others…

I stared up at the structure in awe while I held my phone close. I remembered some of my dreams where I would jump down, and Hermione somehow grew wings as she stopped herself as I landed on top of her. I was almost delirious enough to believe them to be angel wings. That seemed so silly, though.

But why did I always write off normally romantic things as mundane and stupid? Romance solely existed to me in the form of sex and attraction. Longing, lust, desire, confusion…that was romance to me.

Not the candle-lit dinners, or the chocolates and flowers, or the love notes, or random gifts, or even just a simple kiss – that all seemed so…boring to me. It was boring because I never got to see the beauty in it. It was silly because I never allowed myself to see anyone in that light except for Hermione. It was so new to me…

I retrieved a pen and unused piece of paper from my pocket and enlarged them. I guess a note wouldn't hurt. I know I'd snap out of it in mere days, and feel something completely different. I know that I'd wave a hand and dismiss ever telling Hermione that I respected her desires to actually…talk about things.

_My dearest Hermione… _Wait no, that sounded too clingy. _Hermione… _No, that was too bland. Not enough. She wouldn't take me seriously. How would she take me seriously…?

_Hermione, I'm going to be honest with you – I honestly have no idea what I'm doing right now, but I'm going to tell you a few things anyway._

_Please use this whenever the time comes that I become too consumed in wanting to flirt with you all the time. I suppose this is your tangible proof that I do have a stable mind somewhere in my head. I guess sometimes I get so caught up in my desires that I use you to forget about everything else. But what is everything else? Things I don't want to care about, like having to respect your wishes. It used to be all about me, me, me until I fell in love with you. So, just hear me out._

_I sometimes get the feeling that you wouldn't love me so if I never, well, infected you. I wonder if we'd ever be able to co-exist without ever feeling the need to hurt one another. We're both stubborn, but I do know when it's good to have good fun with you and when it's time to be serious. I'm trying to be serious now, because I respect you and I want you to know a few things._

_I'm not good at expressing myself. I'm horrible at small talk, big talk, serious talk…hence why I'm writing to you right now. But you're so good at everything, even if you've never had to do it before. You know how to handle me, Hermione. You know how to hit the core of my heart with love or guilt, and you never miss your intended target. You know how to speak your mind, and that's something I admire in you. I wish I could do that, too._

_I really am horrible at communication. All this time, I've been in the library. I just had an itch to research to get my mind off of things. I'm sorry for not checking my phone. I'll remember to keep it on. I'm really sorry for making you worry. I didn't think to check to see if you called. I'll…work on that._

_I received all of your texts, and they made me feel…wanted. I can't thank you enough. But…I don't like needing that, but you give it to me anyway. You give me everything, even when I never ask for it. Most especially when I don't ask, actually…_

_You love the way you do because it was how you were raised. You've always been surrounded by people that love you deeply for who you are, and not just your body or your sex. I'm so confident with you whenever we make love because it's what I'm good at. I'm horrible at any other kind of love because I didn't have a warm childhood. I didn't have best friends until I became an adult. But even then, it was too late._

_I understand that you want to talk. I'll try my best to. But I'm not good with people getting to know me personally. I don't have much of a grasp on who I am, anyway. But you know who you are, and that's what's important to me. Maybe you can guide me. Maybe you can help me. I just don't know how to say this…_

_I'm not ready for all of that. I know it's expected of me, as we are in a relationship. But it's making me seasick, Hermione. I do feel trapped, and it's not because of you. I promise you I'll sit down and talk, but I'm afraid you'll just get frustrated with me. This is what I meant when I said no one would want to be with someone like me. But I suppose I'll save the rest of my excuses for when you and I do talk. I'm…looking forward to it, Hermione. Truly._

I read it over to myself and debated on how I should sign it. _If _I should even sign it. I don't know why that seemed so nit-picky to me. I just poured my heart out to her and now I don't even have the decency to end the letter properly.

I really needed help, but I didn't want to ask for it. I felt ashamed for even needing to give Hermione any sort of approval that I respect her; that should have been established ages ago. I was willing to change for her. Gradually. I just felt so dumb.

But I also love her too much to let her walk out on me over a lack of compromise. It was another balance that I had to worry about. Love, and compromise. Love, and sex. Life, and death. Huh.

It all seemed so daunting, and I suddenly felt drained all over again. Not even my phone lighting up, telling me I'd received a new text from Hermione could make me feel any better. If anything, I felt even worse. I felt bad that I was feeling bad, if that even makes any sense. I knew I was above this; feeling insecure about everything was not good…

I suddenly felt like crying, and I didn't know why. I stared up at the Eiffel tower again, wondering why I couldn't be emotionless. I wondered why it hurt so much to let Hermione in, when my worst fear was pushing her away and leaving her out in the cold with my barriers. Get-to-know-you release should have been simple; she was just supposed to be a personal therapist…

My therapist who I'd sooner want to fuck and shut them up instead of actually taking the time to talk with. So I have a sex addiction…whoop-de-doo.

I sighed and looked down at my phone; she sent me another text. The first one said to disregard it and move on to the second one. Okay… The second one said…

_Don't cry. And don't run away this time, sexy._

My head shot behind me and I was immediately muffled by Hermione's lips as she flung her arms around my body in a bear hug. The shocks of her affection electrified me, but they still singed me at the same time. She led me down to the grass and kept kissing me like she'd been starving forever. I was too surprised to even return her passion properly.

Or maybe I was just feeling too…drained. I don't know. But Hermione did. She pulled away, reluctantly, and caressed my face while she sat down at my side. She dyed her hair that dark brown again. Dark chocolate, almost. I wondered why she thought that color suited her best, but now was not a good time to ask; she slapped me in between nervous, crying laughter…

"Where have you BEEN all this time?"

"Ze…library."

"The…library, Fleur? The _library?"_

"Oui…"

"And why didn't you—"

I picked up my letter with shaking hands and gave it to her. She let go of my face and took the paper; her hands were shaking, too. I felt especially bad about making her worry now…

I watched her take her time in reading my words. It was like she spent so much more time than necessary reading each one; like they'd vanish from the page if she didn't stare at them long enough…

I was…nervous for some reason. I don't really know why. But I made sure to focus on her breathing while she read. Every time she'd get to something particularly meaningful, she'd inhale sharply and let a tear hit the page. Every time she read something she didn't like, she'd breathe slower.

But every single time she read something that probably didn't sound like me, or something she knew I was throwing away my pride to tell her, she'd hold her breath. She'd keep it in, savoring everything…

I felt my heart slow down and beat pure bliss and warmth as I watched her closely. A part of me felt odd for loving the way her soft waves for dark chocolate rose up and down over her shoulders and chest as she breathed. Her hair was so full…just like her eyes reflecting the full moon overhead. I tilted my head to the side in curiosity; this was the first time I was actually _looking _at her.

How did she know where I was? She must have known beforehand; she was wearing a bit of eyeliner and eye shadow. It was like someone told her where I was, and she got all dolled up to meet me. I was just wearing a plain white shirt and denim jeans. Not much eyeliner, really.

But I liked the way _her _plain white shirt hugged her body. I liked the way _her _denim jeans ran across her legs. I even liked her old Converse shoes. Half of her was trying to impress me with the make-up and hair, but the other half was just wearing normal clothes. Normal clothes that I'd usually scoff at…but I was wearing the same thing, save for a pair of high-heeled boots.

And when she finally finished reading, she slowly led her hands down to her lap as she craned her eyesight to me on the grass. Her eyes were glistening a bit, and I suddenly remembered that I didn't finish the letter. Technically. For some reason, that held more importance to me than knowing that she knew…more.

"I'm sorry I did not sign it. I 'onestly didn't know 'ow to—"

Hermione cut off my silly apology and launched herself on top of me. Her arms wrapped around my neck and her fingers sidled themselves through my hair while she buried her face in my neck. I held her and rubbed her back awkwardly, but still feeling rather pleased with myself. I was relieved that she didn't laugh at me and call me stupid or something…

We laid there for a long time that night, not doing or saying anything. She was giving me time to compose myself until our talk, while I was giving her time to take everything in. It was very…comforting to feel her warmth in the cold night, and not because she was warm from having sex with me. I suppose I could get used to this.

For her, I'll try. I'll do more than try…as long as I don't need to do anything else to keep her illness from overtaking her. But like now, her hands were shaking dangerously. She herself was trembling. I don't know if it was because she was holding back a waterfall of tears or sexual frustration, but I wish I could read her as well as she could read me.

She knows I'm being serious now. She knows I don't want sex. But she also knows that my mind may click at one point and revert back to some old habitual state. Just like she might. Well, hopefully, it'll happen at the same time. If not…then we'll run into a problem.

As good as things look right now, I know we're going to run into problems. I can't be the one to run away from her anymore, even if it is unintended. I still wish she could…help me. I felt like we were wasting time, just laying here. But at the same time, we needed this. I couldn't really see it as a waste of time…

Any time I spend with Hermione isn't wasted. Anything we do together isn't pointless. And any progress we make from now on can't just be deleted like a text message. Lying with her right by the Eiffel tower, on the grass, at night, in the cold, was not useless.

It was the most we could give each other right now, and that's what mattered. I just need to think in terms of her from now on. See, I'm making an effort…when I'd normally just laugh something like this off and ignore it completely. But I can't _do _that anymore…

It's the Hermioneism, I tell you. Pure crack.


	27. Lips of Blue, White, and Red

_**XXVII. **__Lips of Blue, White, and Red _

_(Hermione's POV)_

The next day, Fleur decided to drag me along for a walk through the city. She seemed to have a bounce in her step as she spoke animatedly to me about an old ice cream parlor she used to frequent when she was younger. I assumed we were going there by the way she was talking about it.

"'Ermione, you like ice cream, non? I zink you to be ze type."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

I gave her a slightly appalled look; she was grinning from ear to ear. Yes, it was nice to see her pearly whites and everything. But they were almost blinding with something…more. I mean, I was still entirely too happy at her confessions and whatnot; her letter was so sweet.

But all of that time I spent worrying, then finally feeling relief to find her again was pushed to the back of my mind. The rage I felt from Malfoy calling me, instead of Fleur, making me throw my phone across the living room in irritation left me. I was happy that he was driving around and conveniently found her, yes. But Fleur was acting very strangely today…

And did she just call me fat?

"It just means I zink you to be ze type of person to enjoy ice cream." Right…

"…It's alright. I tend to stay away from sweets."

"What? Why?"

"My parents' habits seemed to have rubbed off on me; they're dentists."

"Oh." She paused for a moment, then waved a hand in front of her face as we reached _the _building. "And 'ere we are."

Fleur opened the door and gestured for me to enter first. I glanced at her warily; her sly grin did not go over my head as I walked inside the crowded parlor. She kindly instructed that I sit at a small table for two while she went to order something, not bothering to ask what I wanted.

"A special surprise for my special woman," was all she said, along with a complimentary wink. I blushed and scowled in suspicion at her while she laughed throatily and floated away. I shook my head and propped my elbows on the table with my head in my hands; Fleur was really too much sometimes.

I mean, it was very nice to see her in such a good mood. It was strange that we were still wearing the same clothes as yesterday, though. We ended up falling asleep on the grass last night. Yes, that's romantic and all, and I should have taken this as another romantic event. But I know Fleur; I had a feeling that this was going to end up like our little fruit incident in Florence.

If it did…then I don't think it would be wise for us to ever eat in public with each other again. Besides, I still needed to give her the talk. The talk about her insecurities, really. I have a feeling that sometimes she tries to hide them behind the sexy body language, like she hinted to in her letter. I still had it in my pocket, as a matter of fact…

I retrieved it and buried my face behind it to keep myself from Fleur's line of sight; she kept smiling suspiciously at me every five seconds.

I read it over again, wondering how in the world she could put on such a different face from just over twelve hours ago. But I just barely glossed over her words; I couldn't stop wondering about her behavior right now. That is, if I should even worry about it. So she's in a good mood. Okay.

But at the same time, I felt something sting me every time I chanced a peek over her letter and over to her…_almost _irresistible (yeah, right) visage on the other side of the crowded room. Maybe I was just delirious. Or maybe I just didn't like her personality shifts. Was she testing me or something?

I must have been failing, because it got to the point where my glances turned into stares. She stopped peeking at me; she was busy ordering something for us, speaking happily in French to the owner of the parlor who was apparently an old friend. She had her hands clasped behind her back with her hips swinging back and forth, clicking the heel of her boots against the tile floor. Click…click…click, click, click click click clickclickclick… Why couldn't I stop staring?

I shook my head and went back to hiding behind her words, which was rather anti-climactic, really.

I don't know why I felt guilty for staring. She was _mine, _after all. I could have her anywhere I wanted. Even in a crowded ice cream parlor. Why did that sound so appealing to me…?

No! No, no, no! I shook the buzz from my head and the giddy from my stomach and heart; that was inappropriate. But I felt prickles of devilish thoughts prod my psyche, making me grip the paper in my hands. Staring at her neat handwriting wasn't helping any.

Why did I feel almost jealous of the words on this paper? This paper that smelled so much like Fleur's perfume. She preferred White Diamonds, you know. The smell was quite intoxicating…

I heard a soft clank vibrate in my ears, making me think of Fleur falling into an empty bowl. I heard it scrape against the surface, and her soft laughter as she beckoned me to join her. That cataract consumed me again; all I could smell was chocolate and vanilla. Strawberry, too. Maybe even banana.

But Fleur's perfume didn't mix with the scent of the sensual food she was daring me to pour over her, then lick right up… I should lick that away first—

My letter was snatched away from me and I felt my arms lunge across the table instinctively to reach after it. But it was futile; Fleur just held it in between two of her inch-long fingernails and pulled out the collar of her shirt. She had the nerve, and damn sex appeal, to shove the letter down her shirt and smile sweetly at me as she sat down. I was looking at her with rage and…shock.

How dare she! And how dare she wrap her slender hands around my arms and push me back up to a sitting position? The hairs on my arms had been standing up on end even before I registered that she touched me. But she was just touching me. It was normal; expected of her to touch me. I shouldn't have felt so nervous like she'd never done it before; like I'd been aching all my life for her to touch me.

And I shouldn't have felt so cold when she let me go and motioned to the bowl in between us…but I did.

Times like these make me hate how sexy she is, and how stupid she makes me.

I scowled at her and followed her instructions; she ordered a decently-sized bowl of vanilla ice cream. She decided to be safe and go with a plain flavor. There were dabs of chocolate spread throughout, and a few slices of strawberry here and there. She also had an unpeeled banana on the table next to the bowl. Okay. But there was something…missing.

There were no spoons…

"Fleur…did you forget a few things in your haste to get back here…?"

"Non," she said airily. Sexily. _Disgustingly _sweet, with a teeth-rotting smile to match. Mine did just that as I clenched them and tried to keep my composure.

I tore my gaze away from her and looked around; there were, once again, straight couples infesting the place, feeding each other. With _spoons, _though. Spoons! Was that so hard to ask for? I refused to—

"Or would you razzer me get a few spoons for us?"

"…what do you think, sweetie?"

"I would razzer not. I don't zink you would want me to spoon you, _'oney."_

I stiffened and blushed, but she just laughed loudly and placed her breasts on the table. The shirt was concealing them, yes, but they were still there nonetheless. Her letter just barely poked through the thin material that clung to her body. Again, I felt jealous of words on a piece of paper, but for more obvious reasons this time. Someone help me…

I took a deep breath and remembered that we were supposed to be talking. Having a civil conversation. Woman to woman. Yes. Not flirting.

Not yet… Damn it. Not at all! No! Talk now, do other things later… How much later, though? The way she kept smiling at me made me want to speed up time. I felt my eyes glaze over, and my hands began shaking dangerously. I balled them into fists and cleared my throat to try to remain serious.

Ha, ha, ha. Try…

"Well…a-any…way… I'd like to have that talk now."

"I'm listening, but ze ice cream wants ozzerwise. Ze poor zing is melting."

"Fine. Whatever. Listen, I just want to know why you think you can't…trust me with…your…"

My words died in my throat; Fleur scooped up some of the ice cream with her fingers and put four of them in her mouth while she ate the lactose sugar. My mouth hung open as I watched her swallow it and suck on her fingers before slowly edging them back out from the warmth of her mouth. Her fingers were glistening dangerously. They were taunting me…

It was the wrong kind of moisture to have on her hands right now…

"…insecurities," I said as I bowed my head as I sighed.

Fleur nodded and continued to sensually, slowly, _deliberately _devour the ice cream in between us with her same set of fingers. She licked them languidly and smiled at me as she spoke up. I know my mouth was still rudely hanging open, but that didn't seem to…bother me, really.

"Well," she began slowly, licking the chocolate from her lips. Damn that chocolate. "I like to pretend like zey don't exist. Never voicing my problems 'as always been ze best solution for every'zing."

"But you can't just keep building…lies…around yourself…"

The next thing she did should have been too disgusting considering where her nails have been, but for some reason, I really didn't care..

She scooped up a decent amount of ice cream in every one of her inch-long nails except for her thumb nail. I licked my lips; my throat was dry. My nails were starting to cut through my palm from trying to keep my hands from visibly shaking. My eyes were losing focus as she grinned and exhaled a shallow breath as she offered her index nail to me.

In a blurred frenzy of nerves, I reluctantly opened my mouth and allowed her to rest her finger on my tongue. She tipped my head back, and I let the ice cream slither down my throat, sending a comforting chill on the way down to my boiling stomach. It evaporated on contact, and she proceeded to do the same thing for me with each of her fingers.

Thrice more did I feel the chills of her appeal seep down my system, making my head soar and all common sense fly out of the building where I wished it would stay. But the way she painfully retracted her last finger from my mouth, smiling devilishly at me made me wish I'd never let it leave me. Fleur or my common sense…?

I seemed to have forgotten; she scooped more ice cream in her fingers, the bowl threateningly emptying fast, and placed the same four fingers in my mouth. Again, she poured down the freezing ectoplasm in the form of sugary milk, making me visibly shiver. I bit her fingers instinctively, not wanting her to leave me.

I really didn't care that everyone was staring. I honestly don't think I cared to notice until Fleur's eyes flashed with approval around the room. I saw the reflections of the shocked women and joyful men in the room in her blue orbs, but for some reason, I only cared to see myself drowning in them…

"Biting away at my problems always 'elps too, 'Ermione. Chewing away at ze trials and monotony of every day life 'elps so much. Rip, tear, _devour _every'zing you can't stand until you eat away at ze false surface and find your pearl. You're my pearl, you know."

Somehow, some way, she moved her finger and brushed it against the ceiling of my mouth. It…tickled. Fleur managed to numb my mouth with a strange bliss as she caressed my face with her thumb. She tried to retract her fingers, but I didn't want to let her go…

Biting away at her false surface, huh? I could certainly do that…

I bit down hard and she laughed softly, letting out a low "Ooohh" that made my blood simmer. But at the same time, I knew I was stiff to hide my arousal at her reaction…

I really needed help…

In the brief moment of my weakness, she freed her fingers from my clamp and instead placed them in _her _mouth and sucked on them. I scowled at her; I wasn't done yet.

I looked down at the bowl; there were probably about two 'scoops' left. My nails weren't nearly as long as hers, but I still managed to get a decent amount in the cup of my fingers as I forced her hand from her mouth. I shoved mine inside and grinned at the way her eyes rolled back in her head.

I took my time in scratching my nails, gently, against the top of her mouth. She seemed to like that. A lot. I like how she glid the tip of her tongue against my hand as she swallowed. I loved the warm wetness of her mouth surrounding most of my hand.

A bit of my common sense came back at seeing her arousal as well, so I took the time to continue on.

"And you're my pearl too, Fleur… I just wish we didn't have to flirt all the time…"

"Mmm…"

She had her eyes closed, sucking and licking my fingers profusely. I held my breath for a moment as I watched her enjoyment. It was written all across her face, her chest, her arms and her hands. Fleur was smiling, blissfully. Her chest was hitching up and down in excitement…her arms were trembling with joy and her hands were wringing with such wonder that I felt my jaw drop again.

But I had to keep…talking. Talking. Yes, that's right…

"I just wish I knew more about you than how to turn you on…"

She kissed my fingers out of her mouth and licked the outer rim of her teeth thoughtfully. She looked down at the bowl, then back to me. Down to the bowl, and back to me again. She lowered her head completely so that I couldn't see her mouth while she stared at what little ice cream remained. I didn't understand what she was doing…

"Well, come 'ere. I'll tell you a secret."

I hesitantly leaned forward, and she did, too. She reached out and held the collar of my shirt in her hand and finally raised her head high enough to show me her…evil ass expression. That sneak… But the way she whispered dubiously in my ear made me forget my anger…

"Knowing 'ow to turn me on is your key to ze universe. No one else 'olds it. No one can even begin to attest to 'ow much you deserve it. Let me keep boosting your ego for a moment, hm?

"I will not be insecure as long as I 'ave what I want. I will not show any signs of fear or 'esitation whenever we are in a situation such as zis. Flirting in public, flirting in private, sexing in public, private; or even for ze 'ole world to see. Wouldn't you like zat, 'Ermione? I would.

"I know zat zere is a part of you zat doubts 'ow to deal wiz me. You try to calculate every little zing you do. You try to keep a 'old on every possible outcome _you _want to 'appen, and you are caught off guard when you don't get your way. Zat is what makes you 'ate me sometimes, non? Because I can do zat do easily.

"You do 'ave your insecure moments - when you don't know what to do wiz me. But you do what feels right, and zat is all zat matters. You follow my example, and you do a very good job of it. You can be just like me sometimes, you know. It is quite flattering.

"But 'Ermione, I do love you for every'zing else. Ze way you found me last night still 'as not left me. You surprised me and came to me when I needed you ze most. You are my boomerang, ma chere. And if I want to keep you coming back for more, I 'ave to do zings like zis.

"'Aving a 'normal' relationship is 'onestly boring to me. Why not spice zings up a bit, since you're wiz me? Or at least cool your 'ead down once in a while and learn 'ow to take a sexy joke and innuendo for what it is."

"What…?"

"Come closer to me…"

I felt drawn to her; I couldn't _not _oblige. I leaned in and basked in the sweet warmth she was giving my ears, but did not like the warmth she shot to my face from embarrassment at the same time…

Fleur laughed loudly in my ear as she pulled out my collar and shoved the bowl with rest of the ice cream and poured its contents down my shirt… My _white _shirt that clung to my damn torso! She even had the nerve to force my face inside the bowl, covering my mouth and nose with vanilla leftovers…

I felt a familiar power and rage consume me as I slapped her hand away with the bowl, sending the plate shattering to the ground. My hand was pulsing in pain, but Fleur was just clutching hers in glee as she laughed and laughed at me.

A joke? THIS was her idea of a joke? I stood up, and she did the same thing as she shoved the table from in between us after grabbing the banana. I really didn't care about the banana as I launched myself at her, but I stopped mid-pounce; she shoved the thing in my mouth and made me suck on it while she smiled at me and held my head right next to hers as she bent down. I was too frozen, too confused, too _embarrassed _to even react…

"A sexy innuendo…and a joke. A very funny joke, considering 'ow you're a lesbian…"

I glared at her and pushed her away, but she just giggled again and pointed the banana to my chest; the off-white color that stained me looked like…

"Aww, 'Ermione, you made ze banana come! Or was it me? I guess you could say it was me. I seemed to 'ave spilled and dripped all over your face. Zat is wonderful. But your poor shirt… I really do need to improve my aim, hm?"

My eyes were streaming with tears of humiliation while she kept laughing at me. It reminded me of that night so many months ago when she was sitting in her car, laughing at me. I was, once again, her laughingstock.

That bitch…

I aimed to slap her, but she gripped my hand and made my knees buck in pain. She smiled and twirled me around, grabbing my other hand as best as she could with the banana in it, and started waltzing with me around the damn building…

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Fleur? I don't want to dance with you right now!"

"I can dance _for _you if you want…"

"NO!" I shook my head violently; I didn't want her thrall to start making me even more loopy than I already was right then.

"I don't want to play nice right now. You failed wiz your reading."

"I don't give a DAMN about your stupid tests—"

She brought me into a low dip and kept her mouth extremely close to mine while my head dangled in between a couple. The man was beaming at me, but the woman looked absolutely appalled. Fleur had the nerve to move her stupid hand with the banana hand down with mine and prodded me in between my legs with the fruit…

Is she fucking serious…?

"I'm curious…'ow does zis make you feel?"

"I don't feel any—"

She shoved it against me and I gasped unexpectedly. Fleur smiled even more and kept pushing in and out as far as my jeans allowed. She wiggled it around, jabbed me, stabbed me, and thrust inside of me until I couldn't feel my thoughts anymore.

I only felt like having a mini-orgasm in the middle of a restaurant, filled with people staring at us, all because Fleur was pretending to use a banana as a dildo…

Words left me by this point. I barely felt muffled groans and moans escape my throat. Fleur kept breathing her vanilla/strawberry/chocolate/bitch-filled breath down my throat, giving me a sweet tooth I never knew I had. I inhaled her perfume, her laughs, and her smiles while she just watched my eyes roll back in my head…

And then, she stopped. I felt…unsatisfied. It just wasn't the same at all! For Chrissake, it was a damn banana! Fleur lifted my limp body from the dip and sucked on the banana right in my face. That's right – the tip that was just shoving through my jeans was in her mouth and she was licking it right up.

I couldn't help but stare in awe, arousal, and sheer embarrassment that I was still turned on, despite myself. I forgot my rage as I widened my eyes in shock; she managed to peel the banana with just her mouth. She licked it as she probed my mouth open with a simple movement down against my lip with her nail. She inserted the exposed fruit in my mouth, slowly, and made me chew it.

Fleur was quite aware that the gears of my brain weren't working anymore as she smiled sweetly and watched the toils of her creation…

"I taste good, non? Assuming zat ze _banana _still belongs to me, hm?"

It…did taste good. She did. I was throbbing ceaselessly again, but I really didn't want to keep letting her have her fun. I really couldn't let her win anymore…not for a little while…

But the way she was making the fruit chew itself in my mouth, dissolving into a mesh of warmth, saliva, and Fleur made me lose myself. The smell of the banana, Fleur's breath, and her perfume was getting to my head. So was the way she was…controlling me. Just like the other night when we had our oh-so predictable make-up sex.

Or render-Hermione-useless sex. Whichever.

I wanted her, but I couldn't keep doing this. I really needed a way to put her in her place, and get back at her like I told myself I would before I lost consciousness all those months ago. But how… How? I couldn't do anything at the moment; I didn't know how to get the upper hand…

I really couldn't do anything now; she was licking the ice cream from my face and nose. I went rigid as she grabbed my hips and sashayed hers down as she bent her knees and sucked on my shirt, almost tearing it off with her perfect teeth…

I looked down at her in horror; she was sucking my breasts through my sugary shirt! I couldn't push her off…I couldn't do anything but stand there and burst with arousal at what she was doing… Considering where we were at, we should have been kicked out immediately..

I slowly craned my eyesight to the owner of the parlor behind the counter; he was grinning mischievously. I scowled at him, but I quickly turned my attention back to Fleur; she stood up and was quickly pushing me backwards.

She rammed me against the wall and my breath hitched. She lifted my thigh, extending my leg all the way out behind her as she ran her hand across it and stopped at my beat up black and white Converse. Fleur glossed her nails across my shoe, poking through slight holes and pulling at my shoe laces. She wasn't planning on…

"Fleur, don't…"

"Don't what?"

"You know…what I'm talking about."

"I'm afraid I don't. I only speak sex right now. So moan for me."

My eyes widened as she left my shoe alone and spun me around. She shoved me against the wall, again, and started whispering her shallow breath down my neck. I craned it around again, like I had a horrible crick in my neck that wouldn't go away. But the crick felt so…good. It felt like an arousing fog that spread down and into the depths of my stomach, turning me on considerably…

I moaned against my will, and Fleur smiled against my shoulder and nuzzled her way down my back. I felt the fog trickle down my spine just as her nose did, gently, then stopped at the small of my back. She kissed me hungrily, and I arched away from her, making me ram painfully against the wall with the little space she was giving me. My head shot back and she combed her nails through my hair, sending an earthquake down my neck and spine…

And when it finally met her lips against my back, I exploded with lust and desire. Absolutely exploded…

I forced myself to face her and caught her lips in a frenzy of agitation and want. She returned my devouring with gusto, still combing her nails through my hair. I hugged her hips close to mine as she laughed in my mouth. It tickled…just like the strange mist swimming through my body.

But there was still a part of me that knew I shouldn't have been giving into her. Pinned against the wall with no hope of escape was maddening and satisfying at the same time, though… Feeling her hitches and moans as I scratched my nails down her neck, back, and inched them down her jeans and back up again was amazing… But she made me lose control again…

I really wish she'd…stop doing this. I wish I'd stop giving into her.

But more than anything, I wish we never had to stop. I was stuck in between a transition of satisfaction and irritation with this. I was growing an addiction with her. She was bad for me…_this _was bad for me… But I still took whatever I could get, because…why?

Because this is the only way I feel loved and desired by Fleur. I wanted to tell her, but suddenly…

Talking seemed so futile unless she was down my pants, telling me how good I tasted. Her lips were only for eating, not for trying to compromise anything. I was a fool to not realize this before. I should have known she'd turn the tables and seduce me with her words…

If only she didn't taste so good…if only she wasn't so beautiful and desirable… And if only I were strong enough to keep my dignity, I could put her in her place.

But this felt too good to let go. It was just one time, then I'd stop. One more time, then I'd be the one winning. One more indulgence, then I'll have her crawling to me, begging me to let me satisfy her…

Maybe that'll be my reassurance. Until then…she was mine for the taking, and I was too ill to let any centimeter of her body slip from my hands.

I really hate her.


	28. Lethargic

_**XXVIII. **__Lethargic_

_(Fleur's POV)_

Hermione has been very distant lately with me. It's been a week since she's even spoken to me. I know why, but I'm choosing to be an asshole and not bring it up. I bet she's upset over her lack of control the other day. She wanted to talk, but I didn't really let her have her way.

I was just testing her like I said I would. She's either growing to be very power-hungry or insecure…probably even both.

She _wants _me to bring it up. She _wants _me to ask what her problem is over and over like some obsessive child. I already know what it is. Besides, I don't think I'm supposed to be saying anything at all right now.

She made me get dressed this lovely evening and apparate with her somewhere. I had a suspicion about where we were going, and I tried to keep my mouth from curling into a smile once we reached our destination.

A Muggle house in the middle of an English suburb. Mhm. So predictable.

Hermione unlocked the door to her old home without a sideways glance at me and let herself in first. I tried to remain nonplussed; meeting the parents was hardly intimidating by any means. It's just very coincidental that she chose to bring me over here while she's calling herself mad at me.

Communication, schommunication; the woman is a stubborn mule who thinks I can't read more than just the words that float from her lips.

She dragged me by the hand through the house to the living room by the looks of it. I wonder if she told her parents _about _me before today. Knowing her, she probably did.

"Mum, dad – _this _is Fleur." She did.

Hermione made me sit on the couch in between her parents while she sat next to her father. I guess they didn't think I was good enough to even bother cooking dinner for. But they still seemed quite indecisive to me; her father was trying his hardest to keep from…staring at me. But he was still _looking _at me… As if he could really see anything behind his hair over his eyes. He looked almost like a teenager to me. Odd.

But her mother was another story. I can really tell where Hermione got her mood shifts from. The mother-in-law was shifting between a bemused and interested expression with me. Not once did she glare at me, but I could tell that she may have wanted to. There was just something in her eyes…her eyes that looked so much like Hermione's.

I wondered which face to put on today. My overly polite one or my I-don't-give-a-damn-about-anything one. I decided to go with the latter.

Just to piss Hermione off, really.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Fleur. You can just call me Kenneth."

"And you can call me Diana."

"Pleasure."

I bit my tongue to keep from smiling; I saw Hermione's temple twitch out of the corner of my eye. Diana seemed to notice her daughter's discomfort, and cleared her throat to address me again.

"We know that you two are dating. So I'm just going to get straight to the point – what would you say if I told you that she's pissed off at you?"

"No'zing, really." More like – I already know, what's your point?

The three of them must have been expecting for me to look surprised, so you can imagine that it was nice to see a glimpse of their puzzled expressions while I folded my arms and crossed my legs. I bounced my foot up and down, staring straight ahead, trying to look unperturbed.

It was funny; I imagined the three of them standing in line, waiting to address me. Diana decided to go back behind Kenneth and push him forward. He stumbled, or cleared his throat loudly, and took his turn to try and break my exterior.

Amateurs.

"So you don't care?"

"Of course I care. Ozzerwise I wouldn't be sitting here."

Again with the minute shock. I did care; it's just that I'm not so tactless to claim that I don't right in front of her parents. I was just so over Hermione's silent treatment that I couldn't break down and make her think that I did when it was just us.

"I don't think she believes you."

"Zen let 'er speak for 'erself. She's a big girl; I'm sure she knows 'ow. 'Aving 'er parents try and sit me down and give me 'ze talk' is laughable. Last time I checked, I am zirty years old, Kennez. Not eight. And your daughter is merely two years younger. Let 'er speak for 'erself."

"She just doesn't know how…"

"'Ow ironic. I was just telling 'er zat she knows 'ow to do every'zing even if she 'as never done it before. I gave 'er ze note back when I noticed she wasn't speaking to me for _whatever reason. _Zat more zan any'zing should 'ave clued 'er into my _care _about zis situation."

Kenneth pushed Diana ahead this time, but, in my mind, she didn't stumble. Hermione wasn't shooting knives at me with her staring anymore. I bet she was expecting me to be caught completely off guard by bringing me to her parents' house, and for me to be stumbling over every other word.

As shallow as I sound, I can't believe she didn't remember that I have more grace than that. Amateurs, I tell you.

"Fleur…we know everything that's happened. She's told us everything about you. Every. Thing."

"And?"

"…and she's scared of you."

"Fear paints a scowl on her face, and I'm supposed to know zat? Cowardice makes 'er hide behind you and Kennez like we're children – zat I know. But I'm not all-knowing, Diana. 'Ermione's told me she wants to _talk _more about things, but now, I don't see ze point if it means dragging me 'ere every time she wants zat to 'appen."

This was boring me. I know they had some cut-throat interrogation all planned out over the week, and now it's fallen to shambles in the presence of my self-confidence. I seriously felt like I was in time-out for something I didn't know I was doing.

So Hermione's pissed off because she doesn't know how to render me a mere stupid, retarded hoe. She really needs to lighten up a bit. Seriously.

"Fleur—"

"Kennez, don't. 'Ermione, you tell me what your problem is. I don't want to 'ear anyone else's voice right now except for yours. So let's 'ear it."

I was glaring slightly as I craned my eyesight to her on my right. I know I tend to stare like I don't care, but I was feeling too dignified to break down in front of her.

Kenneth got up and moved next to Diana, but I kept still. Hermione and Kenneth flicked their hair from their eyes at the exact same time, but unlike Kenneth, I could see the hesitation behind Hermione's eyes.

I really wished she'd grow a set and face me like a woman.

"'Ermione, I don't know why you just went back on your word and turned zis into a game of shame and pride. You 'ave too much pride to admit when you don't know 'ow to do some'zing. Is it really so life-zreatening zat you can't 'andle me?

"If it is, zen I dare you to do some'zing about it. I'm not so stupid as to make myself zink zat I would not feel 'orrible if you broke up wiz me because you feel _inferior _to me. But keep zis up and I just may change my mind."

Hermione finally scooted right next to me, and instead of bowing her head in shame, she grabbed my shoulders and shook me for a second. I eyed her dangerously; what the hell was her problem?

"I'm tired of this, goddamnit. Why don't you ever tell me that you…"

"Zat I CARE about you? Care, share, tear, snare, 'Ermione – it's all ze same wiz you and I. Why do you always need some kind of assurance zat I care? You'd zink it'd be ze most obvious zing in ze world—"

She grabbed my face with both of her hands, digging her nails into my temples while she stood up and pulled me with her. My heart was feeling heavy with boredom, fear, and lethargy as I had to bend down with my face to the floor.

I didn't know why she was doing this, but I felt spasms of trembles erupting from her hands. I had no idea why she was heaving, nor did I know why I felt tears of frustration sting my eyes. She was expecting me to react; she was expecting me to do this and that and this and that…but I never do anything she wants.

Every time I think I'm compromising, shit hits the fan and blows away all the progress I thought I was making, the only way I knew how to make it.

I couldn't just pretend like I didn't care, though. Even though I hate this petty drama _we _create all the damn time, I knew I had to throw away my pride and just let her do whatever she needed to do. I gave her permission to make me furious, and do whatever she needed to give herself the chance for complete release months ago…

So let's see how she reacts…

"Why do you always do this?"

"Do what…?"

"THIS! You…never…say or do…what you damn well should!"

Hermione was scratching her nails into my head while she rammed it into her chest, shook it from side to side…I don't get why she was doing this. Truly; I don't. But she's an enigma. She keeps my attention in the strangest ways.

The strange ways such as these make me happy that we don't have the casual relationship she _thinks _she wants with me…

"What…am I _supposed _to be doing…while you keep…treating my 'ead and neck like…rubber?"

"SOMETHING! Don't just—"

I sighed my pride away and held her waist while I forced my head to stay right under her ear. Her parents seemed to fade in the background, as did everything else as she relaxed her grip on my head and instead tried to shove me off of her. My mind was throbbing with confusion…I didn't know why she was doing this.

I didn't know anything anymore except for the sounds of her struggling, and her Chanel perfume overwhelming me every time I inhaled. I closed my eyes and held her tight. Why was she afraid of me? Why couldn't she just tell me whatever the hell was bothering her?

"Let GO of me!"

"Non."

"Why..? Let GO of me, I said!"

"I zink ze most important lesson I've learned over all zese monz is zat you always act one way, say one zing, and feel anozzer. But zat is fine. I told you to fear me. It'll make ze love feel zat much better.

"And if you 'ave not noticed, _zis _is my love. I don't know why you're fighting it, but I guess zat is none of my business."

She kept struggling against me, still breaking my heart all the while. I was trying my damndest to keep her calm and reassure her of everything, but it was obviously pointless. I don't know why I was still standing here. I don't know why I was letting her bruise me, confuse me; use me like I was some venting toy.

But love makes me do so many things. They intoxicate me; render me asunder just like Hermione was doing to me right now. She was tearing me up inside, ripping away at every inch of my pride until all I could do was cry from the absence of everything. But she was my everything.

Wait…what?

Hermione must have sensed my weakness, because she stopped. Or maybe it was because my eyes over her neck were dripping with my…everything. Maybe that was why she stopped. Maybe that was why I felt her…laughing?

But it was a nervous, shaking laugh. It quickly turned into sobs, and I frowned. I felt stupid. We were standing in the middle of her parents' living room, holding each other and crying for no apparent reason. I was beyond reason and rationality at this point. I guessed that as long as Hermione wasn't fighting against me, it was fine.

There was just a tiny part of me that was afraid of the mysterious reason as to _why _she felt so confused as to struggle with me…

"'Ermione…talk to me, please."

I ran a hand up and down her back and she relaxed immediately. Her body was wracking with spasms… She was fighting with herself. She was torn. I felt bad for treating her with such disdain, but I also knew that another part of me enjoyed toying with her sometimes.

She knew it, too…

"N-no."

"Mmm…you still said some'zing. Zat is a good start."

"You're such a smartass. I wish you'd stop."

"It's 'oo I am. If you zink it's just me being a smartass, zen I 'ave quite a few names for you, too."

"THIS is who you are? You pretend to cry every time I see right past you, then you grin to yourself when you can get sex from me after?"

"What..? 'Ermione, you're being—"

"Rational! Real! I'm trying to think with my smartass mind, not my stupid heart, goddamnit! Now let me GO!"

"Non…"

More fear started to seep through my skin and I felt every hair on my body stand up on end. Hermione's confusion and defiance did that to me… Her incredible, incredible defiance that was making her shove her wand against my neck…

"Let me go, or else…"

"I…already said 'no.' I never change my mind."

"Then what was that bullshit about last week? You said you'd let me talk to you, but instead you go and embarrass me in public! Oh, but whenever YOU want something, you can have it!"

"You're right."

I really didn't want to argue with her. The lethargy was taking over, and I just wanted to be doing…something else other than trying to calm her down.

My words only seemed to work for about two seconds, because she cast a spell and sent me flying off of her, and crashing against the wall on the other side of the room..

"Don't try and sweet talk your way out of this, Fleur! I'm sick of this! I'm not falling for it anymore!"

I just barely heard her words; my head was pounding. The back of my head collided with the wall first, or a glass picture frame, I should say… My body immediately convulsed into a fetal position. I was wincing in pain, but Hermione was just advancing towards me with her wand…she had a desperate fury in her eyes.

But even though I felt blood on the back of my head, she couldn't see it. All she could see were the tears cutting down my face. But her parents could see the blood…

I knew they could…

"HERMIONE, STOP!"

Diana and Kenneth shouted that at the same time and hurried in front of me. They stood there, holding their ground to…protect me…but Hermione didn't falter. I was still gripping my head, rocking back and forth slightly, crying because of the searing pain in my head and Hermione's heart.

What the hell did I do that was so bad…? There had to be…more.

"Hermione…stop this. You love her, for Chrissake! She's proved that she loves you too many times over, and she hasn't raised her voice at all with you tonight. What is _wrong _with you?"

"You want to know, dad? Do you REALLY want to know! I'm a blubbering, confused idiot, all because of the woman you're protecting from me! I'm SICK OF THIS!"

"Goddamnit, Hermione! Will you calm down? Your dad's right! You've turned into a…into a monster! Fleur's BLEEDING."

Hermione was about to retort, but she finally looked down at me. I had to shut my eyes; the pain was too much. She rushed over to me and brushed the glass off of my shoulders, but her touch cut me like the shards should have. Her concern made my head throb with irritation, but my heart ached with love and disbelief with her.

Someone said something about an ambulance, but I couldn't hear anything anymore except for Hermione's muffled sobs against my neck. She was putting pressure on my hands to help me control the bleeding, but my hands gave up a long time ago…

I suddenly wished she'd let go of me. This was stupid… _I _was stupid for being so head over heels for her. Well, no more. She makes my heart believe so many lies that it makes me sick. I'm not going to keep _trying _with her.

She can be the one trying, in whatever way she knows how. I'm over this.

"'Ermione…I 'ate you. So…much. You're convinced now…zat I'm bleeding my…apologies for you… But any…ozzer time…you wouldn't be convinced. You selfish bitch…"

I hated her even more…because she didn't say anything. She knows I'm pissed; she knows I don't want to hear any empty apologies right now. I couldn't hear much of anything besides buzzing, sobbing, and ragged breaths, anyway.

But I more than felt her nails almost gently dig their way into my back as she held me tighter. I know I wanted to feel the wracking of her affection for me, and the shallow exertion of her hysteria from her breaths under my ear. I didn't want to want it. I didn't want to want someone who could suddenly transform and lose all rationale, when they claim that they have it in their grasp when they make the decision to injure me.

Then again, I did the same thing to her. I could just blame my blood…and so could she.

Maybe I _should _work on…curing her. I might end up dying before she does if this continues… For now, I'll just…take a short nap. Hermione's warmth was comforting to me. It was blinding me, even more than my incessant tears. This pain was too much, though. Not just the pain in my head…

The pain was all over. She was all over. I hate this…

But I could have sworn I felt the bleeding and tears stop when she called my name…softly. She murmured it over and over again, telling me to not lose consciousness.

Easier said than done…

"Fleur, please… _Please _don't. Open your eyes… Please…"

I felt like crying still, but no tears were falling. My heart was, though… It was spinning and looping, going fast down a cliff of disbelief, love, and infuriation. It was like she was _telling _me to not hit rock bottom. She was _telling _me to stop myself in mid-air so that she could pull me back up, probably to only push me back down again…

But whose fault would that be if she _did _happen to push me, hm…?

"Please…just listen to m-my voice. Don't think…"

Again with the telling of the impossible… I was foolish enough to think that her words were actually…working, though. My mind was going blank, and I slowly opened my eyes to the dark expanse of her soft tresses. The pain was still searing my head, but her words gliding through my ears were like…a symphony.

A symphony telling me to push her away and hold on to her with all of my might at the same time…

"Fleur…the old saying is true… You never know how much you love someone until they're gone. But I don't…want you to leave me. Don't fall asleep…just listen to me…

"You just confuse me. So much. But at the same time…I want to believe every single word, every single thing you say and do… You make me feel so lost and empowered at the same time.

"Lost because I _don't _know how to read you sometimes. I guess I keep getting false interpretations… But empowered because you love me, and I know it. I just…need some way to set out my priorities. You have every right to hate me.

"I'm willing to…compromise. I'll do more for you than just give you daily headaches. I'll do more for you than anyone ever has. Please…don't give up on me. You're just so much to handle, and I'm…intimidated by you.

"Mum always told me to marry my equal… Ron sure as hell wasn't my equal, and nor are you. But, for once, I am inferior to someone. That someone is…you. It's you over and over again, but I just want to keep fighting it and I end up with my face on the floor without your love.

"I promise you, from now on, we'll be equal. I won't run away from you anymore…I'll prove everything to you. I'll do anything to keep you from getting bored with me…

"And I promise I won't keep shoving the blame of my stupid actions on this disease. But this illness has its perks…

"It's what made me fall in love with you. It's become a part of me, just like you have. Hell, you _are _me. I _am _you. If you die, I die, too. If you even just lose consciousness, then I promise I'll knock myself out… So just keep breathing your sweet breath of life and let me start over when you…get better."

I couldn't say anything… I couldn't think anything. Her words made me go numb; not even my broken head could disturb my serenity. If it were anyone else, I wouldn't be feeling so mellow. If it were any other situation, I would have been hurting a bitch for putting me through something like this…

Thoughts, feelings, and surroundings all blended into the woman in my arms. I heard people rushing in, but that was the last thing I heard that wasn't Hermione's breathing, quiet sobbing, or her protests from being yanked away from me.

I felt myself blindly searching around for her even though my eyes were wide open. I felt myself struggling against the strong arms around me, trying to steady me and wrap my head with even more barriers…

But I could still hear the adorable sounds of Hermione struggling against someone to get to me. I didn't want to think them adorable. I didn't want to keep going down this spiral with her. I just wished I could expel any and all feelings for Hermione down the spiral instead.

She has a lot of work to do if she wants to prove _everything _to me. If she wants to start over, if she wants to keep me from growing bored, and if she wants to keep my attention…then she'd need a miracle worker for that to happen. I'd sooner go back to my independent act than believe her empty vessels…

Hermione is destined to forever be plain and uneventful if she doesn't let her disease override her.


	29. L Night

April 25th, 2008

_**XXIX. **__L Night_

_(Hermione's POV)_

I lay with Fleur in her bed that evening, listening to her calm breaths as she slept. I was wide awake…and I haven't been able to sleep for the past three days. She listened to me; not once did she lose consciousness since the 'accident.' But she never woke up for more than a few moments…

Whenever she did decide to grace her eyes over my body, she would give me a scornful look, snuggle into me, then go right back to sleep. Her gaze sent ice cold shivers down my body that somehow warmed my heart at the end of it all.

The ironic thing about all of this is that the picture I sent her crashing into was…of us. It was the best shot Squall picked out from our photo shoot with the Italian weaves. I gave it to my parents a few weeks ago. I really need to thank them for telling the police Fleur really just had an 'accident' that had nothing to do with me…

Now another copy sat on her bedside table, silently glinting black and white in the moonlight. It was funny…Fleur and I were holding each other in the photo. And now here we are, doing the same thing, except she's mad at the world. She's mad at me, and sleeping is the only thing she can do to forget.

I held her tight to keep her from slipping away from me, though it was futile. I knew she probably wanted to sleep forever. She may not have even wanted to be alive right now…

Whenever she did wake up for longer than two minutes, which was only once a day, I tried to feed her comfort foods. Fruit, ice cream…nothing too heavy, but nothing too sweet. She chewed and swallowed slowly; deliberately. I knew it hurt her that she couldn't get up and feed herself, but she was in pain. Not just her head…I know.

The bleeding stopped, and I removed her bandages earlier today. I had to keep her head cradled in my arms; it was so tender. I didn't want to risk her pillows touching her sore spot. That, and I just wanted an excuse to baby her…

My heart felt so heavy…so weighed down with everything imaginable. I never risked telling her I was sorry. I didn't want to make her even angrier than she already was. At the same time, I was so, so glad that she was holding me. She's confused as to why I acted out to such an extreme, but she still cares about me…

For that, I'll wait until she wakes up to explain myself a little more. This is probably the most destructive, love-filled, heart breaking and melting relationship anyone could ever be in, but…I wouldn't have it any other way.

I guess it's a lot better than her getting bored with me and leaving… But at the same time, I hate it. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth the pain. I mean, when I said I was going to be better for her, I meant displaying my love for her. There are so many ways of saying 'I love you.' There are so many ways of proving that I want her.

But then I lay and wonder if it's worth the effort. I mean, all we've been doing is hurting each other. All we've been doing is arguing, flirting… I've been on the receiving end of many jokes and embarrassments. She gets a kick out of it, too. I hate that part of her. I hate many aspects of her, really…

"'Ermione…"

But then I hear her call my name when I need to hear her the most…

"Fleur..?"

"I'm sick of lying 'ere."

"Do you want to go for a walk or something?"

"In a minute, oui."

I nodded and caressed her face, and she went right back to sleep by the look of it. We kept laying there for more than a minute, and I felt myself smiling against her hair. Times like these make me look back on every time I'd ever been angry with her, and I almost feel like laughing.

I wanted to giggle myself senseless over her banana joke, how she held me even when I was trying to scare her off, at how sweet she was that night by the Eiffel tower, how she went after me to the Burrow…the list went on and on and on… Never ending and never slowing, despite ourselves…

Just like my love for her…

* * *

After getting dressed, I took her for a walk down the city streets filled with lights and citygoers. I held her hand even though she probably didn't want me to. I put on my usual eyeliner and eye shadow to match my hair to impress her, even though she probably thought me stupid for doing such a thing…

But she was wearing eyeliner, too. She, for some reason or another, took a long time in the bathroom and dyed her hair a bit of a dirty blonde. Her cheek bones seemed so much more prominent, all because her face seemed to have lost its natural glow…

It was like her body shone to mirror her moods. But I liked that she looked…well, _normal. _No one could tell that she was part Veela. Men seemed to not stare at her nearly as much, but I was staring up at her more than ever.

"Hey, you two!"

I snapped out of my thoughts and looked to see who it was that stopped us. It was a young girl, probably about Squall's age. She had short black hair but a very broad smile and big, brown eyes. She was also extremely slender and animated. But what did she want?

Before I could ask, she put a finger to her lips and put a pin on my shirt, then on Fleur's. Fleur was looking rather aloof; her sculpted eyebrow was raised, and she was staring right over the girl's head with a hard gaze. I sighed deeply out of habit; I felt the oxygen rip itself from my lungs from seeing her like this.

But it was a good view. Really. She's…so damn beautiful.

"Will you at least read the damn thing before you go all googly-eyed over your girlfriend?"

I turned my nose up at the girl and looked down to my pin. 'The Day of Silence – Stay silent for the years of silence the LGBT community has had to suffer.'

"There are a bunch of booths around to help people out like you. I'm guessing you do need…help. She doesn't look very happy."

Despite the pin, I couldn't find any words to tell her that she was right, even though her nose was very deep down in our business. She rubbed her nose with her fist and grinned at us before offering that same hand to me.

"The name's Yuffie! Don't tell me your names; I already know. Hermione Granger and Fleur Delacour, yeah? You two are quite the icons today!"

Fleur finally seemed to give Yuffie her attention and kept her eyebrow raised at her. Yuffie retracted her hand away when she realized what she was doing was entirely too unsanitary, and rubbed it against her short shorts. I was very interested in knowing just how we were _icons, _though.

"Yeah! You two were in Vogue magazine in December, on the front cover. Don't tell me you don't remember!"

Fleur licked the outer rim of her teeth, probably to tell Yuffie that she didn't remember. I did…it was the same magazine Malfoy shoved in my face that night of our date. I nodded, and Yuffie smiled at me.

"Cool beans! Well, I should probably shut up now. I don't want to disrespect the Day or anything. Take a look around; I'm sure you'll find an interesting booth. Sooner rather than later, I bet."

Yuffie twirled around on the spot and waved goodbye to us before dashing away to another couple. Fleur and I continued walking, but she was probably glad for an excuse to not say anything. I guess I was fine with not talking, but I wanted to explain myself.

Sure enough, we found an interesting booth almost immediately. There was a woman sitting behind it. She had long brown hair and wide blue eyes. I think I might have recognized her from somewhere, but I wasn't sure. Fleur also seemed interested in her booth, because she led me over to it. I looked to the sign above it, and it read…

"Dreams for sale! Dreams, dreams, dreams! Need a good night's sleep? Or a nightmare to put your mind in your place? Well, I have all that and more!"

Dreams? The woman noticed my puzzled expression as Fleur and I approached her, and beamed up at us while she motioned for us to sit in the chairs in front of the booth with her wand. Fleur and I sat down, but I had a feeling that this woman was selling a lot more than dreams…if it was even possible to vendor thoughts.

"Fleur Delacour and Hermione Granger! Well, I'll be! Fancy finding you two here. I see y'all aren't looking to happy tonight. But ah, ah! Don't tell me! I know you're supposed to be quiet today.

"I've dreams for sale, fairy tales, and a whole lot more for you lovely lesbian ladies tonight. I know you're hurting inside; I can see it on your beautiful faces. I know you're torn between wanting to run from each other, or into the others' arms at this very second. Maybe Miss Delacour more than anything, but ah well.

"But I'll tell you what. Before we get into any nitty-gritty silent negotiation about which dreams you'd like, let me sing you a song. I'm sure you need to hear it. Just trust me on this one. But I need you to look at each other the entire time."

Fleur pursed her lips and gripped my hand slightly while she crossed her legs. I looked at her uncertainly; she was staring straight ahead with that same hard expression again. I held my breath as she craned her head to look down at me, but her expression didn't change. I was hoping to see a flicker of something…softer. But nothing was there except for a bit of ripped anger…

"Good. Now keep still, and let the music sidle itself through your hearts. It's a realistic song, just for your situation that I know so little and so much about at the same time. Oh, and I'm Kelly, by the way. My last name isn't too important."

Kelly flicked her wand, and everyone and everything around the three of us stopped. Fleur didn't look surprised at all; she just kept boring her hard eyes into mine, and I felt a chill seep through my veins. She flicked her wand again, and a man with a keyboard, a few others with violins, a woman with a drum set, and a few other women back-up singers appeared behind Kelly as she stood up and smiled at us.

**Love can be a many splendored thing…  
Can't deny the joy it brings…  
A dozen roses, diamond rings;  
Dreams for sale and fairy tales…**

**It'll make you hear a symphony…  
and you just want the **_**world**_** to see…  
But like a drug that makes you blind,  
It'll fool ya every time.**

I saw Fleur swallow while she finally relaxed her gaze. She looked almost…dreamily perplexed. It was so true… Sometimes we're so in love that we feel lighter than ever before. But whenever we run into a problem, that's when we think we were blinded.

Why not just get rid of the fooling and stay high on the drugs from now on…?

**The trouble with **_**love**_** is…  
It can tear you up inside…  
Make your heart believe a lie.  
It's **_**stronger**_** than your pride.**

**The trouble with **_**love**_** is…  
It doesn't care how fast you fall…  
And you can't refuse **_**the call**_**…  
See, you **_**got **_**no say at all…**

I agreed, and so did Fleur…she turned around to face me completely, and I did the same. I could have sworn this song sounded so familiar…

Sometimes I'd feel so depraved and maddened by her love…other times I'd believe that she was a complete angel. But every single time, I was fooled into believing something I didn't want at some point or another. I could never fight it…because I love her too much. I could never just run away and stay away, because I've been falling, and I'll always be falling with her. I really couldn't stop it…but I didn't even want to.

Nor could she, I suppose…

**Now I was once a fool, it's true.  
I played the game by **_**all **_**the rules…  
But now my world's a deeper blue;  
I'm sadder, but I'm **_**wiser**_** too.**

**I swore I'd never love again…  
I swore my heart would**_** never**_** mend…  
Said love wasn't worth the pain…**

It's so true… There've been so many times when I tried to tell myself that it wasn't worth it. So many weeks I've spent, crying, trying to get over her. I tried to convince myself that I'd fallen out of love with her, and I was too heartbroken…

**But then I hear ****you**** call my **_**name!**_

And that, too, is whenever I'd forget my problems… I felt an eruption of goose bumps run down my head and arms at the passion in her voice, and I visibly shivered.

Fleur did, too…

**Every time I turn around…  
I think I've got it **_**all **_**figured out.  
My heart keeps **_**callin'**_** and I keep on **_**fallin'  
Over**_** and**_** over**_** again…**

**The sad story always ends the same;  
Me standin' in the pourin' rain.  
It seems no matter what I do.  
It **_**tears **_**my heart in two…**

I really hoped this would be the last time… The last time I'd have to tell my aching heart to trust Fleur. The last time we'd have to suffer from the aftermath of some stupid drama and over-reactions. Confusion, distress, and heartbreak…

We're not going down that path ever again…

**The **_**trouble**_** with love, yeah.  
It can tear you up inside…  
Make your **_**heart **_**believe a lie…  
It's **_**stronger**_** than your pride.**

**It's in your **_**heart**_**;  
It's in your **_**soul**_**…  
You **_**won't**_** get no control.  
And you can't refuse the call.  
See, you **_**got**_** no say at all…**

"… But you two do… And I'm going to prove it to you. I know just the dreams you two need. One of you drink your flask one night, the other the next night. There's no telling just how long the dreams'll last, though. I suggest you go stuff yourselves tonight."

Fleur and I still had our eyes glued on each other while Kelly rummaged around behind her booth. She handed us each a flask, and we somehow stood up at the same time as we took them with our free hands.

"I suggest letting Fleur drink hers tonight. And Hermione, you'll be in the dream, too. Literally. Just remember that it's the dream world, though, okay? I trust that you love each other to remember that.

"It should get rid of your…pent up insecurities, fears, and frustrations. Tests of trust and loyalty…all that good stuff. No charge, by the way. Good luck, y'all!"

We nodded and went on our way. We were still staring at each other, but I blinked and shook my head; we were supposed to be walking. I cleared my throat and glanced at our path ahead; it didn't look like we'd find any obstructions. I turned back to Fleur and felt those same shivers attack my face and neck.

She looked so…curious.

I looked down at the flasks in our hands and raised an eyebrow to question them. Fleur nodded and lost her dreamy serenity while she came back to earth. I smiled for the first time in weeks, and I saw her lips curl up at the same time. It was…refreshing.

But then I remembered that we were supposed to be eating. Going out seemed…iffy. But I don't think Fleur was in any state to pull anything with me in public. Not for a while, anyway.

Surprisingly, the prospect made me smile even more as I kept replaying the song in my head over and over again…

* * *

We settled on a semi-formal restaurant in the heart of the city. It was funny to stand out; everyone else except for us was wearing fancy clothes and excessive jewelry.

Fleur and I both had on old Converse, black jeans, and a plain shirt. She and I even laughed as we entered, seemingly picking out this restaurant for the sole reason of standing out. The waitress understood our silence, and was very helpful to make sure she had our orders right by using the menu.

Once she was on her way, the thought suddenly struck me as to how Fleur and I were supposed to enjoy a silent dinner. She was on the same page as I, because she conveniently had a pen and a good deal of paper in her pocket. I smiled as she enlarged them and gave the paper a small smile while she scribbled away.

This was actually good. I know Fleur's a lot better at expressing herself through her writing. It was very appropriate for us to be having dinner like this, then. Even though everyone in the place had their noses turned up at us like we were manure (I was eerily reminded of Malfoy's mother…), I couldn't have been happier.

Kelly's song was still ringing in my mind. It was so refreshing to hear a nice song that Fleur and I could connect to. It brought us closer…just like writing did. It was a lot healthier than practically killing each other, or arguing, or not speaking to each other at all.

Fleur finally finished with her note and handed it to me while the waitress dropped by and gave us our wine. We smiled at her and took a small sip, then I gave Fleur a sheepish grin before I looked down at the paper. She returned my smile, and grinned to herself while she glanced down to the side and bit her wine glass.

It was kind of…cute, really. I had to keep my eyes from rolling at my choice of words while I snickered to myself.

_Well, I suppose it's rather convenient that we're not supposed to be talking tonight. It gets rid of stupid awkward silences…hence why I hate dinner dates. But there are so many things I hate for stupid reasons… You most certainly are not one of them._

_I don't know what these dreams are going to show us, nor do I know how long they're going to last. But as long as we're together, I don't care about anything else. I have so many things I need to tell you. Too many things. My hand is trying to keep from shaking with…excitement at finally being able to give my all to you._

_Hermione, please listen to me when I say I don't want you to change. I want you to give me your everything, but most definitely __your__ everything, and not someone else's. I recall Draco telling me he was surprised you didn't take him up on his offer, whatever that entailed. Care to inform me?_

Fleur slyly slipped the pen in my hand when I subconsciously held it out, trying to think. I hardly noticed; I was still focusing on her words. She chuckled softly at me, and I finally stole a glance at her before quickly returning to the paper; she was grinning at me and twirling a lock of hair in between her finger.

She's such a flirt…but in a good way now.

I quickly went back to my concentration and furrowed my brow in thought. It was just a note, I know; not an essay or anything of the sort. But what did she mean there were a lot of things she hated for stupid reasons?

_Yes, it is convenient to not have to literally speak to each other tonight. But I don't think you to be the type to allow any awkward silences, over dinner dates or otherwise. I don't think I am, either…I've had my fair share of dates over the years. _

_I have a lot that I need to tell you, too. Now that I think about it, we __have__ had a serious lack of communication. These past seven months have just been a rollercoaster. I assume that the so-called dreams will be, too. But just remember what Kelly said, and we'll be fine._

_I don't know what I meant when I said I was going to change for you, Fleur. I want to keep your attention, but at the same time, I keep blowing things out of proportion. I will do my best to not just be another bump in the road for you. Malfoy was suggesting that I do a complete personality change, though. Language, mannerisms, and thought-patterns, really. I think he assumes that just because I'm a lesbian that I have to act like a perverted man from now on._

I laughed at my last line while I handed Fleur the note and pen. She took it gracefully, not bothering to conceal that she was watching me the whole time as I wrote. I bit my lip and smiled while the waitress came back with our meals. She smiled and nodded before leaving us alone again.

Fleur didn't even look at her food; she was already engrossed in the note. I picked up my fork and poked absently at my courgette farci, eating very small bites, and very much unable to keep my eyes off of Fleur. She was reading my words carefully. I liked the attention she was giving me, to be honest. Even if it was just my words on a piece of paper.

It was rather self-gratifying, really.

She twirled the pen in between her fingers before writing a response. It was interesting to see her normally perfect posture change to a hunched-over position while she scribbled neatly on our page. I started eating at a decent pace in between sips of wine, wondering if this truly would be the last time we'd be trying to mend our relationship…

Just as I closed my eyes to sigh and compose myself, I quickly opened them and found her words right in front of me, pen perfectly aligned with the top of the page on the table. I bit my lip again and put my fork down, trying to get rid of my fears while I read.

_My Hermione, dating a fair share of men? Hmph. I can hardly imagine that. But I guess that's all part of what we need to talk about. I'm not used to being with someone for more than seven hours, really. _

_I'm not concerned about the dreams. We've been through so much together…I doubt even made-up events could even begin to attest to anything._

_And Draco is honestly an incessant snob. I really have a feeling that he may __like__ you. I think he was just trying to create a drift between us; I really wouldn't like it if you suddenly assimilated yourself to his ways. I've been a lesbian in hiding all of my life; I only pretended to like sex with men to prove a point to myself. Draco was hardly experienced by any means. As you know, I only used him. But there was something good that came out of all of that…and not __that__ way. _

_But I'm very interested in what he planned on doing with you. He's rather two-faced, really. I wonder if any of my friends are really my friends, actually. Sure, the twins have always been there for me. But Draco and Antoinette lied and exaggerated so many things. I'm still rather upset about that…_

I glanced up at her and noticed her brow furrowed this time. I'm guessing mine was, too. She was eating slowly, sitting up perfectly but still taking the time to move her hair out of her face every now and then. That was so inconvenient, though.

I tapped her end of the table and got her attention. She looked at me curiously while I put a bit of hair over my eyes and showed her how to flick it from her face. She smiled weakly at me and followed my example perfectly. I nodded and smiled as she mouthed a 'Thank you' to me, then I went back to our paper.

_Yes, I have dated around. But I never went so far as to sleep with them; I never could. Ron and I never even did much besides bicker, especially during the years of his change in sexuality. I guess, if Draco and Antoinette weren't exaggerating about this, you and I were dating around to prove the same point to ourselves. We were trying to get over each other. _

_I don't think Malfoy likes me. But thinking and knowing are two different things. I could very well find out, but that would be pointless. Unless you see a point in it, then let me know._

_And there definitely was something good that came out of all of this. __Yes,__ in __that_ _way_, _Fleur. If you think about it, I'm actually right. _

_But I've never thought much about my sexuality, really. When I fell in love with you, I didn't write anything off to homophobia. I'd always been rather tolerant of gays, because I'm a very open-minded person. I just always tried to convince myself that I hated you…_

_To a certain extent, I still do._

_I just get the feeling that I'm only going to be living for these short times we spend making up with each other. I'm so tired of fighting with you. I wish we could settle down and not have to bicker like children all the time. I'm not trying to come off as bitter or angry; I'm really being honest with you right now. Honestly…_

Our brows were still furrowed as I exchanged the pen and paper with her. She put her wine glass down and began to read. I watched her expression harden and soften so many times over as her eyes carefully glazed the paper. We'd written so much that she had to turn it over, but she had plenty in her pockets, so it was fine.

I closed my eyes in between bites and sips, wondering, fearing; _worrying _needlessly over everything. Music and writing brought us together, but I wished romance and talking did, too. I kind of hoped that Fleur would finally let me help her.

Then again, I needed help, too. I wished I knew how to see things from her perspective. I wished I knew exactly how to keep her interest. She said she doesn't want me to change, but changing was so easy…

I opened my eyes to seemingly exactly what I needed to hear at just the right moment for the second time that night…

_In all seriousness, that song is stuck in my head like a wonderful lullaby. But it's still cutting my heart to even think that we needed to hear it. Funny how music can help us when we're in need. _

_But you know, I do agree with every single word you've written tonight. And let me tell you a few things to steady your mind…_

_Loving me is not some magnanimous thing, Hermione. I know you're technically more human than I am, but we're both still human nonetheless. I'm not perfect, I'm not high-maintenance anymore, and it's honestly not that hard to keep my attention if you'd just be yourself. I was shallow enough all these months to think that you had to change. _

_I'd keep telling myself…we won't last long if she's still boring. I'll break up with her if she doesn't spice herself up a bit. But no, Hermione…no. I was all wrong. I've been subconsciously comparing you to men all these months, and I never once noticed that you've been keeping my attention by just being yourself._

_Even though we've mortally injured each other, argued and ran from each other until we cried, avoided each other like hell, and worried and worried over the other for months on end, I never could realize that you've been yourself all this time. Disease or no disease, you've been just fine. I think your illness is indeed the only bit of spice you may want from time to time._

_I'm tired of the drama, too. I wish we could find a way to make things so much more interesting without ever butting heads. I wish and wish so many things sometimes…and you're always in every single one of my wishes in one way or another. _

_This love we have…it's ran its course. It's been able to tear me up inside, fool me into thinking so many things, and yet you've always been my light at the end of this tunnel. Sometimes I've felt like I didn't love you as much as I thought. Sometimes I wish I'd just stop loving you altogether…_

_But even though sometimes I'd swear I wouldn't love you again, and I tried to convince myself that you weren't worth the pain, I'd still imagine you calling my name. When Kelly sang that line for us and we both shivered…I knew that this was right. I was convinced of everything all over again, and I didn't doubt a word or a feeling that spread its warmth through my heart._

_I'm asking you now…let's just…go back home and face our demons with these dreams. I'm too high on you to let you go because of old scars that refuse to heal. I'm not blinded by anything anymore, Hermione. I was a fool to think that any bit of you over my eyes was blinding. I was an idiot to ever try to run from you. I want to prove everything to you, too._

_Let's spend the night, week, month…however long the dreams will last getting over my homophobia, my doubts…our doubts. Together._

I was too overwhelmed with relief to even think to write anything in response. Fleur noticed, and instead took the pen and pocketed it. She folded the note and held my hand, placing the paper in it and balling my fist around the paper as she stood up with me.

I couldn't do anything but stare into her eyes while she rummaged around her pockets, finally setting enough down for the bill and hurrying out of the restaurant with me. She glanced down at me and winked before we found a secluded spot to apparate from.

* * *

It was all happening so fast… Fleur just poured out her heart to me, and now she was lying with me on her bed. She sent a text message to her sister briefly explaining the situation (though she seemed to take ages…), making sure to expertly flick her hair from her eyes before tossing her phone aside. I was expecting her to start pouring the potion down her throat, but something else happened…

"Sorry to break ze silence…but since we already spoke earlier zis evening, I want you to tell me some'zing."

"What's that..?"

"Tell me some'zing you've been meaning to tell me. Ze me you zought I was. I need to 'ear your voice of reason…I'm trying to change for ze better. So let's 'ear it. I don't want you to even take a moment to zink about it – just say whatever comes to mind."

"But Fleur—"

"Non. Please, 'Ermione. I need you…I need zis. I need your 'elp. So just say whatever floats from your lips right now."

"But—"

"'Ermione!"

"Okay! Just…don't divulge in me if you're trying to convince yourself of something else. If you're trying to deny your very being…then don't take it out on me."

"Fair enough… And now let me zank you properly for ze 'ell we've been zrough and survived togezzer."

"Fleur, you don't have to—"

But she did…

My words tumbled and looped in my throat, settling into a warm mesh of nerves that slipped down to my stomach as she kissed me for the first time in weeks. I felt myself moaning without realizing it; she caught me off guard in the loveliest of ways with her heart-shaped lips over mine.

I pocketed our note to hold her properly; to finally bask in a high of romance that I'd never felt ever before. After all these months, we were finally kissing just to kiss. There was no desire for sex in the way she weaved her nails through my hair. I almost couldn't believe it…

_This _is what we've been missing out on from just flirting and having sex all this time. Love was fleeting through my pores, not lust. Romance was making me smile in her mouth, lighting a fire in my stomach that I couldn't help but spread to her mouth as I laughed softly in a calm disbelief.

_This _is the Fleur I've just met tonight…_this _is the Fleur that I've fallen in love with tonight. The right way. And not because of an infection, and obsession, or a delusion…

I think she felt the exact same way about me, too…

"'Ermione Granger, is it…? It's nice…to meet you…"

"Likewise…Fleur…"

"It's funny…I've fallen in love wiz you…all over again tonight."

A night of revelation, realizations, re-acceptance and respect of our strives and sexuality made us fall in love. I think I could definitely get used to this Fleur…

"And so did I, Fleur… Mmm…I did and so much more. So just shut up and kiss me before we sleep…"

She set my heart on fire with the flames I sent through her mouth with her lilting laughter playing on my lips. Her hair felt so much smoother even though she made it lose its natural luster. Her charms, charisma, and affection burned me in all the right places as she breathed her everything down my neck in between our tongue wars. I never thought I'd be saying this, but…

I'm honestly happy to be in love with Fleur for the first time in three years. Patience has served me well… I'm just hoping nothing will ever be able to snatch this fire from us…


	30. Lesbians Gone Wild (Not Porn)

_**XXX. **__Lesbians Gone Wild (Not Porn)_

_(Fleur's POV)_

A small, steamy, creamy white room for two was filled with just Hermione and I, along with a plethora of peepholes that we weren't supposed to be aware of. But ohhhh, I was so aware of something else. Hermione was wearing too much. Too much beauty, sexiness, wonderment…I was swaying back and forth with her in my arms, her giggling her vanilla breath down my chest. But damn…

"'Ermione, I wonder…why are we in a room for ze mentally unstable?"

"Because! You're completely mental for doing all that you're doing to yourself."

"But zat does not explain why you're in 'ere wiz me…"

"I'm the one who makes you crazy, remember? You must be off your rocker if you're hooked on me."

"Oui, I guess I am. But I wonder why I allowed myself to be in such a state. I'm insane!"

"And so am I! You're insane, I'm insane, we're all insane! How about another round of tequilas?"

"I'm not up for it, 'Ermione. I'd razzer 'ave you."

"Oh come on now, Fleur. I think it's just what you need to make yourself feel better."

"But you make me feel good."

"No I don't." Hermione shook her head. I felt mine explode. "The image of me making you feel good makes you feel good."

"What…?"

"Come now, _Delacour_. You need those tequilas… One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, four…"

Hermione flicked her hand and eight shots of tequila appeared in between us. She let me go and motioned to them as if they were on auction. But I wished _she _were on auction…though, what was she talking about…?

"… Five tequila, six tequila, seven tequila,_** floor**_."

I felt my knees go weak; Hermione's frown made my heart and lungs collapse in on themselves. What was going on…?

"See? If you just drown yourself in alcohol, you can think and believe anything you want. Maybe you can even think that I'd go so low as to love you. HA! As if."

"What? 'Ermione—"

"DRINK!"

"But you love me—"

"No, I don't. You're completely insane. My illness makes me love you. This illness makes me your little fuck puppet. This _disease _makes the words 'I love you' float from my lips to inflate your huge boobs even more. Don't even start, you tramp."

What? No…no. I was starting to get a grasp on reality – this was just a stupid nightmare. But Hermione was shoving the shots down my throat; one after the other, successfully making me hit the floor while she laughed merrily at me.

It was just a dream…this was a test. That was all. It was as simple as that…

"You love it, you love it; you want it, you want it… This, right?"

Hermione shoved her chest in my face and rammed my head into it, forcing my nose to stay right in between her breasts. I felt dizzy and drunk; her perfume was not helping at all. But she had on so much that it was starting to make me nauseous. Nauseous with nerves, drunkenness, and love…

"Oui, I love zis… I love you. I love and want zis…"

"Well, as long as you want to come with me, you can have me."

"Go wiz you where…? I'll go anywhere…"

"No, you dumbass. _Come _with me. I understand that you have no plans and you can go wherever you please, but I most certainly do. I'm scheduled to make you repent for all the bullshit you've put people through.

"It must not feel nice to be on the receiving end of the teasing and the taunting, hm? And by the way – this isn't a dream. Don't try and comfort yourself. You were dreaming before now and woke up. The real Hermione, me, does not want you."

"You're just a dream…"

"You're just a drunk hoe who doesn't know her right from left. Or her tits from her ass. No wonder you're a lesbian; no man would want to bother ramming into you."

"You're…just a dream…"

"Keep telling yourself that, dyke. _Keep _telling yourself that."

I felt her words swarming my mind like bees. They started to move down to my stomach, building a familiar bile in my system while I tried to keep from—

"Oh, and don't start crying. I'm not obliged to watch my tongue with you like my dream self did. I need you to understand that I will not love you when I trick you into curing me. I will only hate you even more; surely you know what'll happen to me once I'm 'cured,' right?"

"N-non…"

"Awww, you big-breasted baby. You're so cute when you whimper and sniffle, blotching your perfect little face like a weak little girl. But that's all you are – you don't have the guts to handle the real me. All this time you thought it was the other way around with us, but hell no, Delacour. No bloody way."

"Just explain yourself, goddamnit…"

"Aww, okay. But only because you asked nicely! See, your thrall will leave me alone. But I'll be consumed by a strange _need _for you. I might go blind and deaf to everything but you and your sexy voice. I might crack my nervous system and grow an insatiable want for you that'll only crack me even more if I give into you.

"It's like when you have a cough, it goes away, and you suddenly have a runny nose. It's just one thing after the next, and you have to figure out how to keep curing me every time. Trust me – that time we had sex in that rainy park would have cured me.

"But thanks to my stupid ass anger, I developed another bit of this disease that lets you control my sexual frustration so simply. All you have to do is breathe on me when I'm feeling horny and I'll feel your breath inside of me, freezing me on the spot until you get me all hot and bothered.

"How does it make you feel? It'll just be a never-ending cycle. If you cure one thing, you'll just bring about another. But at least, if you cure my first problem, I won't die. The second one might rip my mind, but at least I won't love you anymore."

Hermione turned her nose up at me and pushed me, making my head collide hard with the floor. It was already throbbing, and her words did not help with that. There was no way…she couldn't have been right about this.

Impossible.

"Ohhh Delacour…you're so weak. The most you've been able to do this time is try to convince yourself that I'm not real. You're pathetic."

"I am not…"

"What's that? I can't hear you."

"I'm not…pa'zetic."

"I'm sorry? All the malice from your glaring seems to be plugging my ears—"

"I am NOT pa'zetic! Goddamnit, 'Ermione! You're _NOT _real! Zis isn't 'appening, so just shut up and kiss me already!"

"Kiss you? Why the hell would I do that—"

There was no way I was going to let our progress just fall like pins on the floor after so damn long. This was just a stupid nightmare. Even though I crashed into Hermione's lips with my own, and even though she was kissing me back, I still let so many other worries consume me…

I couldn't believe this Hermione. Even if her lips were fuller, even if her breasts were so much larger, and her hair so much longer and darker, I couldn't believe this one. She kissed like a goddess without abandon; there was no ill-driven hunger, but a stubborn fire that I felt tingling at my fingertips. I blazed through her waist-long hair, feeling so confused and satisfied at the same time.

It was like I was committing a sin by kissing this Hermione. But there was just something that drew me to her…like a magnet.

Like her text messages…

"Sss…you're hesitating, Delacour. What? I'm too hot for you? Literally, n'est ce pas?"

I pulled away from this over-exaggerated Hermione and shook my head. She was stunning, and she really did feel too hot for me. But why were my dreams inflating every part of her until she was about ready to burst? I really wished her ego would sometime soon; this stuck up Hermione was not my cup of tea.

"Ohhh, I get it. Homophobe? Mhm. Don't worry. No one has to know that the only way you feel superior to someone is if you're screwing them. That turns you on – the authority. You can only get that by being a lesbian. You. Are. A. Lesssssbiaannnn. Psychopath."

I turned my nose up at her and forced myself to turn away; it was pointless, though, because there were no exits anywhere. I was starting to feel suffocated; this odd Hermione feeling up my skirt was not helping. But wait, since when was I wearing a skirt?

As soon as I thought that, it disappeared. All of my so-called clothes did. Hermione squealed with mock excitement and cackled at me while she held me around my waist, making me close my eyes and frown. I couldn't do anything else _but _move into her; what else could I do? Her touch was so warm and enticing, even if she was a fake. Her breath was pure serenity, even if she was breathing it through an evil, dirty, lie-filled mouth and shoving it through my ear.

"Making fun of you doesn't affect you now? Huh. I guess you're really convinced that this is a dream."

"And you are, too. Wake ze 'ell up, 'Ermione…zis isn't funny—"

"Aww, what? AM I hurting your feelings? Poor baby."

"'Ermione! Let go of me and snap out of it!"

"Nope."

She spun me around and started waltzing with me around the room for no apparent reason… I guess we had a long way to go until she'd remember who she was. But, wait…

"You should let me dance for you, you know. I zink you'd enjoy it very much…"

Hermione stopped and glared up at me. I smirked and blew a raspberry in her ear, and she immediately let go of me. She found that bewildered expression that I've grown to be so fond of, and seemed to finally snap back to her real self. I'm guessing it was the raspberry…but why?

"Fleur…? Where are we?"

"In a crazy 'ouse." I shrugged and gestured around the room as if it were a normal place to be. Hermione shook her head and I smiled.

"A…dream, right?"

"Oui, just dream. You started waltzing wiz me and I remembered 'ow silly I zought myself to be when I decided to do zat wiz you."

"And then you remembered our stupid thing of blowing raspberries in each others' ear?"

"Mhm. So I'm guessing as long as we do some'zing silly to each ozzer to remind ourselves of moments when we were awake, we should be fine."

"Right…but why is my hair so long? And my…"

I burst out laughing as Hermione looked down at her chest in horror. Not surprisingly, she started laughing right along with me and I made to go hug her. But as soon as I touched her, everything except for her in my arms dissolved, yanking us into a void of darkness, and then spitting us back out…somewhere…

Well, at least I somehow wasn't drunk anymore. And I had Hermione with me…


	31. Leave Me Alone

_**XXXII.**__Leave Me Alone_

(Hermione's POV)

Platform 9 ¾, the Hogwarts Express, and me – that is what separated Fleur and I apart. Train tracks lay in our way, the wind blowing our hair as the never-ending train sped away in between us. After every carriage, I saw a glimpse of her sullen face. Her beautiful, morose, evil face. Mine mirrored hers.

I was her mirror; she was not mine. She was me; I was not her. But did she share the honest love I have for her? Did she feel as strongly for me as I felt for her? Was this honest love?

Or was it just a disease?

As the endless red steamer kept zooming in between us, I grew stiff. I wanted to know more. All this time, I've been convinced to just allow her to love me if she was desperate enough to have me. She was the epitome of everyone's dream woman, male and female alike. As far as I knew, I am the only one she has been so loyal with in all her life.

But that was as far as it went – as far as I knew.

Worries and fears and insecurities bombarded my psyche, and I felt them all pile into my eyelids. My throat. My stomach. I felt myself shuddering for air that could never fill me. She had so much…control over me. I wish she didn't. I wished I could just break into her mind, break her down; break her into tiny little pieces that I could analyze. That I could find truth from…

Everything stopped. Fleur and I could see each other without any obstructions, and she gracefully stepped down the platform, walked slowly in between the carriages, and stepped up to meet me. Her expression never changed.

My worries only grew tenfold.

She could tell, though. The woman never missed a beat… As soon as she held me in her strong arms, the train continued moving and finally vanished into the horizon. The aftermath of the final wind it blew our way, and Fleur's breaths against my face, made me shut my eyes.

"'Ermione…why aren't you 'ugging me back, hm?"

"Je ne sais pas."

"What do you mean you don't know? What's ze matter?"

"Je suis très très…mal."

"I know…but why? Zis isn't like you."

"Je te hais."

Fleur finally let go of me. I felt her gaze burn my eyelids off; I couldn't keep myself from looking up at her. She looked so hurt. I don't know why I could only speak in French, but it didn't matter.

I wished she'd stop looking at me like that…

"What do you mean you…'ate me? Why?"

"Tu n'est pas compris? Est très simple, salope."

"What?"

"Silence."

"Non. Did you just call me a bitch?"

"Oui. Comment? Tu est fâché? Tu est frustré? Comme moi?"

"No, 'Ermione. I'm not angry, or frustrated, but I wish you would tell me why you are."

"Porquoi?"

"Why? I care about you, zat is why..."

"Menteuse!"

"I'm not a liar. Calm down and tell me what's wrong…"

"Porquoi…?"

"Because I love you and I 'ate to see you so confused. And just speak in English…"

"D'accord."

"'Ermione…"

"Fine. Fine, Fleur. I just feel so bittersweet right now. You never look like you love me unless I don't look like myself. I don't feel like myself."

"You do realize you're dreaming, right?"

"I am not—"

As soon as she kissed my eyes, I felt myself waking up even though I'd been wide awake all this time. She smiled weakly at me and I felt my face burn to a comfortable crisp under her lovely rays.

How did she have so much damn power over me..?

"What..? Oh. Well then why do I feel so…horrible?"

"Because zis is ze way you make me feel."

I watched her face contort from a sympathetic expression to one of pure anger. She held me again, but she didn't constrict me, surprisingly. I held her, and she seemed to be all that kept me stable. I felt myself falling; my feet were dangling but my legs were not. We were going…somewhere. But I just closed my eyes; I didn't care where we were going.

* * *

I laid my head on her chest, listening to her breathe. A strange comfort enshrouded me, even though it felt like we were in a damp room. The sound of metal clanking rung in my ears as our feet touched the ground again, and Fleur's breaths echoed throughout the room.

But I still felt so at ease, even though moments ago I felt so angry beyond belief…

"How do I make you feel this way, Fleur..?"

"It is just a passing sorrow, 'Ermione. It comes and goes. I am uncertain of zings sometimes, like you were just now. You are me and I am you. We mirror each ozzer. You compliment me and show me what I am lacking all at ze same time."

"In real life..?"

"Oui. And especially right now. It is absolute pandemonium between you and I when ei'zer one of us is emotional."

"Roses and wine, Fleur… Is that what you're saying we have in between us?"

"Zorn-filled roses and bittersweet wine, yes. I don't zink it's very 'ealthy."

"Nor do I…"

"Well, zink of it zis way…I'll prove to you zat I love you as many times as it takes for you to believe me."

"But I do believe you."

"You do now…"

"Fleur—"

"And now you don't."

My eyes shot open against my will, and the chills from the room overpowered me. We were in a long corridor with metallic walls. Flags draped the ceiling and I could hear hurried footsteps off in the distance. But I didn't care about them. I didn't care about anything except for the woman in front of me.

Fleur let go of me and held me by my hand instead. What was she on about..?

"But I do!"

"Keep telling yourself zat and maybe ze real 'Ermione will believe you…"

"I am the real Hermione! I'm not sick—"

"Yes you are… You won't love me anymore if you are cured. You won't. You can't. And I'm too scared to let you slip away from me."

"Fleur, will you listen to yourself? You sound so—"

"Pa'zetic, oui?"

"Well…yes."

"Die wiz me, zen."

"What? Now! But we've still so much to do with our lives! And—"

She yanked my hand as she ran down the corridor with me. The footsteps of the people running were getting closer. I ran with her and glanced back in horror.

There was an entire army of men in crimson robes with rifles in their arms running after us... But why? How?

Fleur somehow managed to get us far away from them, but we reached a dead end in the middle of a circular platform raised high above a long drop. I was heaving for breaths, but she just held me calmly, despite the men getting closer by the second.

"Do you still believe me? Or do you want me to leave you alone?"

"I believe you…why wouldn't I?"

"Zere are too many zings I 'aven't told you. A zousand words I should 'ave told you. A zousand embraces I should 'ave given you. You need a certain kind of love, 'Ermione. I 'ave not been able to give it to you."

"B-but you know what I need now. You can give it to me. Why do you doubt yourself?"

"I am not ze Fleur you ought to love. Ze ozzer Fleur is waiting 'ere." She put a hand over my heart just as it sped up; the men reached us and cocked their guns at us.. "Ze words and embraces will carry you 'ome to 'er. To me, even."

"You can't do anything if you're dead…"

"Don't cry. Zey will reach you. Ze real you. Zey will cradle you; care for you in ze way I should 'ave. Ride ze silver wings back into ze real Fleur's arms… Ei'zer zat or I just wanted an excuse to kill you in ze end."

"What-!"

"Just shut up. Listen to me when I say you need to leave me alone and die."

I shut my eyes just as the shots were fired. I didn't feel a thing. The only thing I felt was the absence of her from my arms as we fell to the cold floor. But…could she have been right?

We needed to kill ourselves before our 'right' selves could come forth..? I was so…confused.

* * *

I was atop a cloud. Earth was right below. I guessed I was in heaven or something. I must have been; Fleur was holding me again. Her embrace felt so much more…compassionate than before. But I could barely muster enough sense to tell her this, let alone think to speak.

"'Ermione, I want you to test me like I told you to do monz ago. Remember? But now, zat includes any'zing and every'zing under ze sun.

"See zere? 'Ome is right below. We could go zere togezzer, but I bet you're afraid to fall."

I shook my head no and she stroked it in approval. I sighed deeply; every movement of her fingers shot shivers through my body. I wasn't afraid of anything with her. Everything felt so much more…different than before.

My doubts flew away and her honest love came in to stay. I wished she would, too. My head was fuzzy with excitement, even though she was inching us closer to the edge of the cloud.

"Trust me."

"I do."

Fleur led us off the edge, but instead of going down, we floated up past the atmosphere and into outer space. We drifted together amongst the stars for a long while, and I felt so peaceful. She did, too. She was singing me a sweet song in French, smiling and giggling with me without a care in the universe.

I could…get used to this.

"'Ermione, look – fire extinguishers!"

"Fire…extinguishers?"

Fleur let go of me and glided over to one of the random fire extinguishers not too far away. She pushed one over to me and it eventually flew its way in my hands. She was smiling so innocently that I couldn't question her, though.

"Look, ma chère! We can waltz togezzer wiz zese!"

"Waltz?"

"Watch."

She laughed loudly and set her extinguisher off, causing her entire body to soar at full speed. The substance propelled her forward and made a blue trail for her as she went around in waves and circles just within my eyesight…

She looked so elegant and…carefree.

"What are you waiting for? Join me!"

I smiled and followed suit; a mass of bronze propelled me forward and right over to where Fleur was. We really were…dancing. Waltzing might have been pushing it, but we were dancing. Our extinguishers somehow pushed us in the same direction, right next to each other, going around and around in circles.

Fleur eventually held me, smiling and looking around with glee as we flew together through the endless mass of stars. It was…incredible. Her innocent enjoyment of it all made me feel that much better as I smiled broadly and laughed with her.

"Ze moon, 'Ermione! Let's go zere."

I could only nod briefly; she kissed me and gave me the widest smile I'd ever seen. This Fleur was definitely a breath of fresh air…

We turned our extinguishers off and held each other as we stood on the moon. Even though we were so alone, I felt entirely too secure by everything. By her, most especially. She smiled down at me and put a slender finger on my chin, turning my head to show me…

"And zere is 'ome, 'Ermione. I 'ave always wanted to show you ze earz from ze moon, you know. I never zought it would be possible."

"Anything's possible when you're dreaming."

"Dreaming wiz a broken 'eart, per'aps."

"What? But my heart isn't broken…"

"Not yet. I fear zat even if I show you my love from my 'eart, you will still forget it all when you are cured."

"But…I'm fine. If you're worried, then I don't need to be cured."

"You'll die if you don't…"

"I'm going to die either way, silly. Don't worry about me. See? No shaking hands. I'm fine. Really."

"…I'm scared."

"Trust me. But if the day ever does come that I'm cured, I won't forget about this love. Why don't you do us a favor and show me a little more of it, hm? For insurance."

"I don't know 'ow..."

"Just…be yourself. Like just now…you were smiling and laughing. You were at peace. That's how I want you; I wouldn't want you any other way. If I do forget, and if my heart is broken, then I promise you I'll dream and dream until everything comes back to me.

"I just need you to give me plenty to dream about. Don't shy away from me because you're scared. I want you to give your all to me. I promise I'll do the same for you. So even if the time comes that I do forget…you'll still have the strength to help me remember.

"Memories are powerful. I treasure every single one we have together. Roses and wine, bittersweet symphonies, pandemonium and passing sorrows; I love them all. I love you now, Fleur. Just remember one very important thing…"

"What's zat..?"

"You never know what you have until it's gone. But if you love it enough, it'll come back to you. I'm not going to leave you for long if I have to forget. Trust me."

"I trust you…"

"Mmm…really? You don't sound too sure of yourself. That's not like you."

"I trust you. I do. I really, really do."

"Hm, really?"

She finally gave me another one of her angelic smiles and nodded before smothering me with kisses. Well…not smothering. Assuaging, assuring, and accepting me, with kisses. Fleur was ready to let her insecurities go now. She was willing to change, and take a chance. I don't think anything I told her last time about cracking my nervous system when I'm cured was true. Besides…

Fleur took me to the place where our hearts and minds converged, making us melt into each other. She did it so easily. She made me feel a million different emotions from one day to the next, and I loved every single one of them.

But I loved her even more. I think she was finally taking the time to accept that; to believe that. I always keep my promises, but I couldn't deny that there was a tiny part of me that was insanely curious to see if Fleur could ever make me fall in love with her again.

If only I could get her to believe in herself, all would be well if that time ever did come…


	32. Let Her Know a Thing or a Thousand

_**XXXIII.**__ Let Her Know a Thing or a Thousand_

(Fleur's POV)

"Fleur, wake up."

"I'm awake…"

"Mhm, now open your eyes."

"Zey are open. You open yours."

"…come on, now. We need to have that talk."

"Talk to me, zen. I'm listening."

Hermione sighed and let go of me. I felt a strange chill enshroud me and I shifted under the duvet. She put two of her fingers over my eyelids and lifted them, so I had no choice but to open my eyes. But she also left me the inevitable option of kissing her hand that was so close to my lips. I lifted my chin to meet her palm and kissed her slowly, trying my hardest to pretend that it was her mouth instead.

She sighed again, but deeper this time, as her fingers curled away from my eyes and instead wrapped themselves around my nose and cheek bone. Bliss overtook me while she clawed me gently, sending ever-familiar shocks through my face. I grinned at her; she looked mildly surprised at how well I was kissing her hand.

I could be doing a good job at kissing a lot of other things, considering how damn good she was making me feel…

I closed my eyes again and replayed everything in my mind over and over again as I slowly inched my neck forward to meet her lips. Her hand was pushing against me, but I still pushed forward softly and deliberately. I curled my neck and body about in a positively feline nature while I tried to keep going onward.

Moderate licks of her palm, occasional eye flutters, and a million blushes and quiet groans from the both of us – it turned me on. All of it did. She did. Hermione, Hermione, Hermione, Hermione…

"You're not talking…"

I stopped and opened my eyes; her hand was the only thing keeping me from her lips. Our eyes were level; our faces were a mere hand apart. Her eyes were so wide and astonished. So full with the moonlight, and me. I could see myself in them. I wanted to be in so much more than just her eyes.

My heart was racing, soaring, falling, clipping, twitching and aching. She was so damn beautiful. So tender with her instinctive strokes of my face. It was warm. She was warm. I felt the best that I've ever felt, just from gazing into her eyes.

I wanted to tell her everything. She is my everything. My Hermione.

"Cat got your tongue, hm?"

A swallow was my response from her. I smiled and licked her palm again; it tasted like a soft, bitter, sweet wine. The same wine I could see in her cheeks. I reached out and cupped them in my hands for a moment. She sighed again, with pleasure, quietly, and again as I inched my nails down to her neck, across her shoulders, and around to her back.

I guess I needed to do the talking for a moment…she was a little too dumbstruck to do much other than observe me. I felt positively accomplished as I held her in my arms, whispering purposefully to her soft hand…

"Zat was some night…if it was just a night…"

I glanced over to her phone right beside us; the date read July 27th. Odd. No matter, though.

"Or zree monz, really. 'Owever zat is possible, I'll never know. But it doesn't matter. Let me ease you now. 'Ear what I 'ave to say…

"I'm scared zat you won't love me anymore when I cure you, 'Ermione. I read so much about it while I was at ze library. But I can't let you die. If at any moment you feel overwhelmed by your symptoms, tell me. I'll gladly take care of you, so don't you worry…

"You won't ever need to worry about a zing as long as I know you love me. I'll tell you my every worry and zought as soon as it comes to me if it will assure you of my trust wiz you. I'll take you to the moon and back again wiz pleasure whenever you please.

"I'll dance wiz you whenever and wherever if it will make you smile. I don't ever want to see you upset. You may be ill, but don't zink zat you are ze only one. You turn me into a beast sometimes. You confuse me so much zat every'zing just swirls and melts into butterflies inside of me.

"I know zis is so cliché, but I'm crazy for you. I'm never going to manipulate you. I'm never going to let you go, even if you do forget about zis. I swear I'll fight for you. Just zinking about it, just telling you; it rids my fears. Seeing you so enraptured and beautiful right before me makes me want to…"

I felt dizzy from the chest up as I slowly edged my hands to her exquisite tresses and combed through them, kissing her hand like it was her entire body and soul. Her throaty sigh made me close my eyes in ecstasy again while I inched down her wrist, licking, nipping, and sucking my way down her arm. It fell limply around my neck as I found her waist. I couldn't help scooping my head inside her shirt to preen her hips.

Quiet gasps and shallow moans. Silent cries of agony; I only circled her waist and nothing more. Nothing higher and nothing lower. Nails lightly dug themselves into my neck and back, and I giggled with longing for her. She liked it; I liked it.

It wasn't all I could give, though. Nowhere near…

I got on my knees and kissed my way all the way around her waist, curling my body around her as I finally started kissing a little farther up her shirt. She radiated an unusual warmth once I started doing that. I laughed again, and she shivered. Her nails left me; both of her hands were limp at her sides. They were lonely, and so were mine.

We couldn't have that…

Just to tease her, I uncoiled myself from her but kept going with my explorations. I slowly slinked my hands across the bed and my nails found her hands. I kept them there for a moment while I licked in between her breasts, breathing a warm sigh over my trails. She automatically edged down to the bed, and I did my best to guide her as I smiled against her and interlaced our hands together. Mmm…she tasted so good.

I felt my hands lift up with hers; she moved her shirt just above my head as she threw hers back. I spread our arms across the bed and pinned hers down. She arched her back and I took the opportunity to move my head around and bite her bra undone. A surprised gasp was my treat as I moved back to her breasts and edged my nose up to get the silly thing out of the way.

I can't remember the last time I ever took the time to just preen her for the hell of it. I don't think I ever have. Not like this… Certainly not. Hermione knew it; she felt it. With every stroke I made with my tongue, she'd put pressure in between my knuckles. With every suck, she'd curl her fingers and scratch me with her nails on the way up. Every bite made her groan or moan or sigh.

Everything she did made me melt into her. It gave me pleasure to know that she was at ease like this. It would have been nice to be in her position, but I felt that much more satisfied giving the satisfaction to her.

I wanted her to know this. I wanted her to understand it; to believe this. In every way possible…

"You burn me. You do every'zing to me… I trust you wiz every'zing. I trust you wiz ze satisfaction and love I can give, want to give, to you. You, you, you… I love making you feel pleasure. I love knowing zat I make you feel loved…

"'Ermione…you deserve every'zing I 'ave to give and every'zing I don't 'ave but still want to give. I'm so sorry about…ze stress. Ze drama, trauma, and every time I made you cry."

I stopped preening her and looked up into her eyes. She stabbed me with them; tears were forming. I felt myself shudder. I didn't know what to do, but I felt what to do. I felt to move my head up and not down. I felt to hold her hands tight and lay my head in the crook of her neck.

I closed my eyes and snuggled into her, making sure to brush a few kisses here and there. She kissed my head and I shivered again. But she was still crying…

"Listen to me when I say I promise I'll be 'ere for you. I won't zink you silly or weak if you just want to cry. I know I 'urt you far too many times and far too much. I've changed… You've changed me. For ze better.

"I'll love you and care for you and soothe you. I'll buy you ze universe and sell my soul to you. I'll sweet talk and utter every single truth I can zink of whenever you ache to 'ear it.

"I want you to be my best friend, not just my lover. I want you to trust me wiz every'zing, not just your body. And, well… Ze most obvious zing is zat I want you. I love you. Saying zese zings seemed so 'ard to me once upon a time, but now zey just flow like water.

"Just like my nerves in my stomach…my 'eart…everywhere. You do zat to me. No one but you can say zat…"

One last step – I closed my eyes again and kissed her tears away. They evaporated instantly, and I found my way to her closed eyelids in no time. I swept my lips across them, tenderly so, almost like they were scoops of ice cream that would melt if I put too much pressure or breathed too much hot air on them.

But the taste of her uncertainties and fears washing away in my mouth and against my lips was gratifying. She was so tender underneath me. So true and beaming with emotions that she shouldn't have had to ever hold in. I couldn't help moving my lips down to meet hers, even though she was still crying.

It was a good kind of crying, though. It was good that she was practically making me grope myself, gently, as she led our hands across my body while we kissed. I wanted her to know how wonderful I felt…

"I could do zis…forever. As long as it takes…for you to let go...and an eternity after zat. Don't stop until…you can't cry anymore. You make me feel so good; I don't want you to cry anymore. So just…kiss your sorrow away. Let me, ze real me, come in to stay…"

She cried hard, and I kissed her harder. She gripped my hands tight, and I pressed my body against her tighter. She gave me her frustration and sadness, I gave her my passion and madness. Passion for her, just like I'm so mad for her.

I never felt so…alive. Loved. Trusted. She did that to me. I hope I did that to her, too…


	33. Looty Sex

_**XXXIV.**__ Looty Sex_

(Hermione's POV)

Dear Merlin, someone save me… I'm going to go crazy. My mind is going off like mad. I swear Fleur's going to turn me into a pyromaniac by the way she set me on fire every night since we woke up. I've always been too choked up to do anything or say anything in response…

About a week has gone by. We haven't had sex, no. But…I get the feeling she's teasing me a lot more than usual. Even just looking at her, sitting next to me, smiling evocatively, is too much. She's too much. I feel like I'm not enough. But she said she likes making me incapable of speech or thought.

I like what she does to make me feel that way…

"Oy! Hermione, snap out of it!"

She's such a romantic… I feel like I'm burning up right now. My eyes are watery from me not being able to breathe properly, but that was fine with me…

"Hermione! Will you listen to Ron and give us some kind of sign that you're alive?"

I suppressed a moan; she chuckled softly for some reason. Probably because of my goofy grin on my face. There was a nice song on the radio…a jazz song by Michael Bublé. Fleur promised to take me to see him live next month.

But there was someone else I'd rather see live right this second…

"Will you stop looking at her like that? We're in Antoinette's truck, not your bedroom!"

Was there someone talking to me? I didn't know; I didn't care. Fleur's lips didn't appear to be moving, so I couldn't find any sense to know or care who it was. Maybe I should…tell her this. She did such a good job at telling me everything.

She sure as hell did…

_"'Ermione, no one 'as ever told you or showed you 'ow beautiful you are, am I right? You 'ave such a radiant personality and body zat you make me glow. I want to show you over and over and over 'ow wonderful you are. But not wizout a little teasing, of course… After all…what is a chauvinistic coquette if she does not tease 'er lover every now and zen? It adds some…fun."_

Goddamn, she's been teasing me ever since that night! Every time I try to dive in after finding my common sense buried far down her valley of breasts, she snatches it away and shoves it right back down out of my reach again. Every time I try to run away from her, teasingly, she catches up to me and kisses me senseless.

I remember us giggling the other night, with her chasing me around the house. Her house. Our house. Just thinking about that night is making me light-headed…

"Hello? Will you wake the hell up? We're at the mall now! We've been parked for ages and you two haven't budged!"

_"Wake up, ma chère… I feel like parking your mind to the side for a moment, setting it on fire, then going back to you and enjoying your mindless gaze. It's really quite flattering, you know…"_

"HERMIONE! I'm going to use a Conjunctivitus Curse on you if you don't stop staring at her!"

_"You've cursed me, you know… I've never felt zis way in my entire life. You are so much more zan a woman. I'd 'appily be your man forever. I'll show you what true love is. I'll respect you. I'll adore you…"_

"She's not a bloody goddess, so stop worshipping her and get out of this truck!"

_"I'll worship you…"_

"HER-FUCKING-'MIONE!"

_"Too in love to fuck me, 'Ermione?"_

"What is WRONG with you?"

"'Ermione, zis is good fun and every'zing but we did come 'ere to go shopping."

Fleur's giggly comment made me fall back to reality. I let out the breath I was holding in and held her instead. She chuckled again and led me out of the truck in her strong arms. I felt like she was babying me, but I was essentially used to it.

She would baby me every morning when she woke me up. Kissing my eyes, kissing my nose, neck, chest…everything. When I ached for her to rip my shorts off and kiss me in between my legs, she'd just hold me and gently rock us back and forth.

"It's a wonder you are able to walk in zis position…"

I still had my stupid grin on my face; she adjusted me so that she was holding me around the waist, my back against her breasts, with my feet over hers. She was walking, gracefully as ever, with me practically glued to her front. I fit so well into her, though.

If I didn't know any better, I think I may have felt her hammering heart against my shoulder blades…

"Bloody hell, Hermione. Why not just go back in the truck and do the deed if you're so stuck in la la land right now?"

_"La la land? Where is zat?"_

"It's just a figment of one's imagination, really. Well, more of a saying."

"Ah. So I can't take you zere?"

"You can…if you'd stop teasing me."

"Mmm…but it is so fun to tease you. Flirt, kiss, adore, worship; rinse and repeat, leaving my 'Ermione wanting more and more every time until…"

"…until?"

"Until you burst."

"Burst…? No, Fleur. I don't think I will…"

"Hermione!"

_"But I zink so. Not –you-, so much."_

"Then what are you talking about?"

"Your cherry."

"My chèrie?"

"Mais, non. Your cherry."

"I don't understand…"

"Hermione Jean Granger, SNAP OUT OF IT!"

Did she mean my…cherry? CHERRY. Oh God, the woman is such a pervert!

"'Ermione, Ron is getting a little cross wiz you. Per'aps you should snap out of it, hm?"

"…I'm sorry. What, Ron?"

Fleur was standing next to me, smiling with her eyes rolled up to the ceiling. Harry, George, and Ron were red in the face. Antoinette, Gabrielle, and Squall were sniggering their skirts off. Yes, Squall, too. But no, he wasn't wearing a skirt. Malfoy and the twins were rolling their eyes and shaking their heads, but at least Dominique and Giselle were smiling a little.

Why was everyone acting so weird? I shook my head and took in my surroundings – we were in the Apple store. Not the apple store – Apple as in Macintosh. Though, an apple was sounding very good right now. I looked down at Fleur's skirt for a moment, but quickly shook my head and stopped.

Her smile only grew wider and a little more mischievous. I liked it.

A lot…

"Um…so what were you saying, Ron?"

"Nothing, never mind."

"Fine. But how did we end up here?"

Fleur just laughed loudly while Harry and Ron sighed. I think I only heard Fleur laughing, though. I had to nestle some control over myself; falling into my lovesick habits wasn't going to fly in public. But Fleur sort of told me she's into that kind of thing. Well…more than sort of, really…

"It doesn't matter," Malfoy spat. "Fleur, just go get what you plan on getting for her so we can get a move on. I need some new leather pants."

"Hmm, maybe you should go for Malfoy, Squall," Ron laughed as Fleur rolled her eyes at Malfoy and floated away. I watched her go, and just barely felt George take a gentle hold on my arm, but I felt my legs moving. It was strange.

"I told you I'm straight, Weaselbee!"

"Besides," Squall said, waving a hand in front of his face. "I need a certain type of guy."

"Like who?" Giselle asked.

"Um…well, he needs to be really suave, with a certain air of mystery about him. Something that'll make my pants go 'Huh?'"

We all burst out laughing as Squall did a half-way split and lifted up an imaginary door by his crotch. Well, not everyone…

"That's certainly not me," Malfoy glowered.

I think I was laughing the loudest out of everyone. Honestly, our friends were insane sometimes. Malfoy was glaring at me strangely, but at least he was back to his nasty self. In every sense of the word, I suppose.

"Was that sarcasm I heard dripping in your tone?"

"No. I'm surprised you heard anything I said, what with you spending the past hour spacing out with your girlfriend. You didn't even register that we took you in another store before this."

"Well, what's life without surprises?"

I know I should have bit back and scowled at him, but his look of surprise was enough for me. My voice was breathy and dreamy, but I didn't mind. I was smiling and feeling like I was back on the moon. Nothing could bring me back to orbit.

"Good point, Hermione," George said as he draped an arm over Malfoy's neck. Draco looked positively livid, and I smiled even more. "And I think Ferret would be even more surprised to learn that you don't need to get laid to have a cast iron smile on your face."

"Pssh," Harry sputtered. I knew I was blushing, and Gabrielle and Antoinette were shaking their heads at me. "Hermione's just easily flattered. Aren't you?"

"I am not!"

"I beg to differ. My 'ands do as well. And my lips. My tongue. My legs. And my eyes."

Fleur rested her chin right on my shoulder by my head, and I could just barely see her suspicious smirk out of the corner of my eye. She was like my mockingbird or something…

"Here we go," Gabrielle sighed.

"I'm perfectly fine, thank you!"

"Uh huh. Suuuure Hermy," Antoinette said. Why was everyone picking on me today?

"Fleur, I just noticed that your hair is darker," Squall said absently. "But you yourself are glowing more than usual for obvious reasons."

"Mmm…I dyed it more of a dirty blonde, oui."

"Why?"

"Because zat is what 'Ermione makes me." She winked at me and I hiccupped.

"She makes your hair chemicals?" Harry asked.

"Non."

And with that, she left the store without a backward glance at me. We all followed her, the large bag in her hands clasped behind her back bobbing away. But what did she mean, exactly…? I had to jog a little to catch up to her, and as soon as I did, she whispered in my ear…

"If you 'aven't caught on by now, 'ere is ze answer to my riddle…"

She went so far as to stick her tongue in my ear and blow a raspberry in it, amongst the huge crowd surrounding us, and I flinched in disgust. Well… embarrassment more than anything. But I also didn't want her to think that I was…ashamed.

"You make me a dirty blonde, 'Ermione. A very dirty one indeed…"

I hardly noticed her knit our hands together as she led me inside Tiffany's. I make her a dirty…blonde. Oh! Honestly, I had a gutter mind somewhere. I needed access to it right then. I just snickered, and Fleur smiled in approval that I understood.

We reached the counter, and Fleur was speaking in French to the clerk. I think it sounded to me like she ordered something. Something very expensive by the way Fleur flicked her hair from her face and grinned at me before handing the clerk her Debit card, still looking at me as she did.

"You are so _adorable._"

"You're…too much."

"You two make me sick."

Malfoy yawned and crossed his arms as he and everyone else caught up to us. Fleur just wiggled her eyebrows at me and bit her lip as she swayed from side to side, completely ignoring the storm that came in the store in the form of a casual suit and a slick blonde head. The clerk came back after some minutes and handed Fleur a rather large bag. She thanked him and we all left.

Apparently, Fleur came here to pick up things, not necessarily shop. And another obvious fact was that everyone invited themselves along just to watch us, because they were just following and giggling in our wake like gossip'y school girls. Fleur seemed to be enjoying the attention, and not just from our friends.

But Malfoy was another story. He just seemed to be there to scoff and make rude remarks about us. Why did Fleur even let him come along?

"'Ermione, is zere any'zing you would like?"

"For you to tell me why you brought Malfoy…"

"Mmm, I was expecting you to tell me a pony, but very well." She laughed and I rolled my eyes at her. She just smiled even more when I did. So did I… "I'm just very curious as to 'ow 'e feels about you."

"Why don't you just ask him?"

"You know ze man, 'e would lie 'is lea'zer pants off if it meant not 'aving to risk zem ripping."

"I suppose…"

"But, really, what do you want? I 'ave far too much money lying around, and not enough of you."

"Fleur…I'm fine. I don't need you to buy me anything."

"I knew you'd say zat. So I planned for ze occasion."

"Why would you plan a shopping outing—"

She led me, and everyone else, I guess, into a store called Frederick's. It was a dark building, the inside shaped like an hourglass, filled with racks and racks of…

"Fleur, this is classic! Lingerie, I love it! Come on Harry, let's go find some! Squall, too!"

Ron and Harry bobbled away happily with Squall to find some…women's underwear and bras to wear. The thought made me shudder. Antoinette, Gabrielle and the twins giggled and wandered off together after winking at me. George and Malfoy looked around the building uncertainly; hanging around a bunch of women and gay guys must not have suited them very well.

"Err…I'm j-just going to…look around. Let me take your bags, I guess," George stammered as he took Fleur's shopping. She thanked him before he hovered over to a far corner of the room. Malfoy shoved his hands in his pockets and scoffed as he went to the opposite corner. Whatever.

"Lingerie, Fleur?"

"Oui. Decorations before ze party make ze festivities zat much more enjoyable, as I always say…"

Fleur led me around the store, picking out the most outrageous two pieces I've ever seen. I mean, they were appealing to the eye, yes…but I've just…well. It was just the way she went about picking them for me. The way she convinced me to try this for her, even though I never told her I was uncomfortable about it all, made me feel like she was…getting a lot better at reading me.

It might have been the way I was gripping her hand. But I was gripping her hand for more than one reason. Yes, I was a little weirded out by everything, but I felt something…spark inside of me. I felt a pool burst right in between my legs as I kept replaying so many memories in my head…

I suddenly found myself aching for her from doing something so small and simple as…thinking about her.

"'Ow about zis one?"

Fleur smiled and held a silver silk two piece to my torso. I looked down, but all I saw was her hand and arm. All I felt were her knuckles on my chest, and her eyes beaming down on me. If I was wearing nothing but that, I'd certainly approve…

"I love you on me, Fleur. I love this one."

She was probably taken by surprise by my lofty tone, but all she did was smile even wider and add the piece to my collection. We wandered over to a rack where George and Dominique were chatting not too far away. They nodded and pointed to a small bag in Dominique's hand. I didn't understand, but Fleur just winked at them before sorting through the rack and picking out another two piece.

"'Ermione, I zink black on you is entirely too sexy. Darker colors suit you well. Like your 'air. Did I ever tell you I love your 'air?"

"Every time you comb through it with those monstrosities for fingernails you have, you tell me…"

"Mmm…good point, oui. But you don't like my inch-long nails?"

"Oh, I do… I just…"

She got unusually close to my face and had to cross her eyes to look in mine. I snorted with laughter and forgot my silly sensations. I was feeling fine. Really. I just needed to tell her this – I think she could tell that I may not have been 'myself.'

I figured I'd whisper a little soothsay for her…

"I just wonder if you could pop something with those nails if you shoved hard enough."

I smirked at her shocked expression. It was nothing like me at all, but she turned me into someone else whenever she turned me on. A strange mist was floating around my face where her eyes were giving me the pleasure of lingering on me. Her mouth was hanging open, and I breathed down her throat. I was dangerously close to kissing her. Too close.

Now was my chance for…revenge…for how silly and mindless she's been making me feel…

"You know…you've been melting me into a pool of idiot ever since we woke up that night. I've been incapable of speech or thought for the most part. You saw… And, above all, I know you enjoy it…"

I edged closer to her face and bored my eyes into hers. She did the same with me. I loved it…

I loved her…

"This past week has been the best of my life…and there has been no sex. We technically haven't had any since Christmas. Can you believe that? But even then, it wasn't both ways…

"You're too sexy. Too fine. I haven't tasted you in eight months, and…I'm just now feeling it bother me. It's just now sinking in, because we've been too busy and stressed to realize how much time has passed.

"But you know what, Fleur? To hell with all of this. The loot, the stuff, the friends, the public… All of your sweet talk's given me an insatiable sweet tooth. I want more of it."

Dizziness…fatigue… I felt it. But I also felt so damn driven by her. I felt so empowered and alive with her so close to me. I felt…so…

Depraved. Sexually…depraved…

"I want you. I want you to tell me how beautiful I am with your mouth fucking me senseless. I want you to tell me how good it feels when I fuck you senseless. You're mine. I shouldn't have to control myself. I shouldn't have to keep anything from you…

"So I'm not going to."

And there went my chances in the form of a flicker of fear behind her eyes. My high slowed to a crawl and so did the gears in my brain. I almost heard the machines slowly die as Fleur backed away from me. Maybe…maybe she could sense when I was getting ahead of myself.

Or maybe she was just really good at knowing when I'd be embarrassed over my actions after the fact… My hands were shaking dangerously and everyone in the store was watching us. She held my hand, to tell me that _she_ wasn't embarrassed. But she knew I was…

She was getting better at this, but I was just getting worse and worse…

"Thank you, Fleur…"

Her eyes warmed up as she led me out of the store. I took a deep breath and sat down on a nearby bench. She glared at any passerby who stared for too long, but I was too exasperated to care about them. I propped my elbows on my knees and buried my face in my hands.

She just…held me. Without saying a word. I didn't want to talk; she knew what was wrong with me, and so did I. But I, too, was somewhat concerned about…forgetting. The risk of losing my love for her was greater than that of dying.

But I should just…tell her that. So she'd understand. She was my best friend, after all…

"Fleur…I want you to know something."

"I'm listening…"

"If I died after forgetting about our love, I wouldn't be satisfied. I'm telling you right now – I'd know that something is amiss. You're too important to me. Even if I had all the money I could ever dream of, I wouldn't be happy.

"But… If I were to die, feeling that we love each other, and not just knowing, then I'd die with a smile forever on my face."

She buried her face in my hair and smiled. Her warmth, her glow, her compassion…it all made me feel better. Even her silence did. I wasn't surprised at all to hear us mumble a certain something in unison at that very moment…

"I love you."

We both laughed, but I heard hers come out a little shakier than I expected. It was yet another surprise. It made my own laughter shake. My heart shook. The very core of my heart did; it was so moved. I was moved by her.

This was just as good as sex; the amicable feelings between us as best friends and lovers. She was good at controlling my symptoms now, and I just had to hope that we could keep going like this. Curing me was a…last resort. Even though I didn't want to die without her, I might as well be doing that if I died naturally, but without feeling love for her.


	34. Like A Boy

_**XXXV.**__ Like a Boy_

_(Fleur's POV)_

Friday, August 15th, 2008

How do I even start this? Dear journal? No. I'll just put the date and leave it at that.

Well, today is my sister's birthday. We're going out tonight to a club of her choice. She didn't say if we'd be going to a straight, gay, or mixed club, and I'm a little concerned if Hermione will mind dancing with me. As far as I know, she isn't homophobic. That's…remarkable, really.

We've never argued over being afraid to show affection in public. I suppose our encounters in those restaurants had a lot to do with it. We'll see how Hermione reacts to the dancing. She doesn't know how to dance in the way our friends have in mind, so I'm going to have to show her. I'm really looking forward to it…

But last week, I made the mistake of mentioning to Dominique and Giselle that I ordered a few things for Hermione and myself. It wasn't so much a mistake of telling them; I just didn't realize that Harry and Ron were in the bar with them. Luckily, I never told them what I ordered, even though that was my intention. I'm glad I didn't; Harry and Ron would have told her straightaway.

Hermione was asleep when I called and asked the twins to meet me at the bar. Harry and Ron were just conveniently there, overheard, and decided to invite themselves and everyone else along. And she's, once again, knocked out right now. It's only five P.M., and she's been asleep all day. I don't know; I suppose it's good that she's getting her rest.

I've fallen in love with music, writing, and Muggle technology. For obvious reasons, really. The first thing I ordered was two journals, leather-bound. One for me, and one for Hermione. I only gave her the journal; the other things I ordered are for her birthday. Well, except for a few things. Here's what I got for her birthday next month -

The second thing I ordered was a matching pair of black Macbooks. The third – matching pair of black iPod Classics. 120 GB, 30,000 songs, 25,000 photos… So much can fit in those things. I bought a lot of those cards to purchase music off of iTunes, and I've only purchased about a thousand songs for us so far. I also got two black digital cameras. There's an obvious pattern of black here. I love her in black.

The final things I ordered from Tiffany's, for a later occasion – a necklace made entirely of black diamonds, a plethora of ruby and black diamond bangles, and two rings. One silver band with rubies and normal diamonds. An…engagement ring.

The second was a wedding ring. I had it custom-made. A chocolate brown band with 'Trust. Me. Love. Me.' engrained on it, and a huge rock of black diamonds on top.

I still have oodles of money left over, so I'm not concerned about the price at all. I know I'm spoiling her, but she deserves it. I still remember how horrible I felt when I noticed the ring she bought and the dress she made for me, destroyed in her room. I'm just not sure when to ask her to marry me. IF I should ask her…

These past couple of weeks have been the best of my life, too. I feel so flattered that she told me this. I just love her so much that it hurts. I want her so bad. It's taking everything I have to not stop writing and waking her up to tell her this. But sometimes, I feel like I should just keep my mouth shut. I don't want to smother her, but she's just so adorable. I can't help myself sometimes.

Hermione said we're going somewhere this weekend. I don't know what the occasion is, but she seemed oddly giddy about everything. I have a feeling that I'm forgetting something huge, but I guess it'll all be part of my surprise. It's been hard enough concealing these presents and trying to use our laptops to download music and sync them to our iPods without her noticing.

Although, I'm hoping that because I'll be dancing with her tonight that she won't get…strange.

* * *

I ended up showering and getting dressed before she did. She just wouldn't wake up. Some hours later, she finally did. She seemed strangely groggy, so I opted to let her shower alone. If I didn't know any better, I could have sworn I saw her…masturbating under the duvet while I was trying to wake her up…

I sat against the headboard and crossed my arms and legs. I didn't care that I was wearing my boots and had my feet up on the bed; she stained the sheets from her masturbation. I frowned at it for a moment before Scourgifying it, and my eyebrows sewed themselves together while I privately feared over this situation.

No, we haven't had sex in months. I know that it's a problem, but…neither of us have had a reason to cry. I'm not sure if it's just me, but I have a vague feeling that Hermione's been fleeing from my advances all this time. I know I've been teasing her, but after our run-in at the mall, I've been more direct with wanting sex.

I really don't know if I should bring it up. It would be easier to just go in there with her now, but I already put my make-up on. Stupid excuse, I know. But once we start, we're not going to be able to stop. I just keep getting this…tingle in my stomach. Her quiet moans were…rather invigorating.

Horny Veela, much? Quite.

But I hope I can impress her tonight. A little seduction, if you will. I wasn't dressed slutty by any means, but I know she likes this outfit I have on right now. My white V-neck cashmere shirt, and my black baggy pants stuffed inside my copper thigh-high boots.

I flicked my hair from my face and relaxed my eyebrows a little. I had her write 'Trust. Me. Love. Me.' on my chest, with my saliva on her fingers, that day in Florence.

Would she remember when I slip the ring on her finger? Would I ever get the chance to slip it on?

Of course I will. I can't be insecure right now. Not ever. She hates it when I'm insecure. I'm just a little…scared that she's keeping her symptoms from me. She doesn't want to be cured because she's afraid to forget everything. She gave me that impression when she confessed her fears to me on the bench.

I hate that she's so strong-willed. She's acting like a martyr to keep our relationship going. No…no, I can't let her keep doing this to herself. But I don't want to piss her off; I know she'll get mad to cover it up. I just…

The shower water stopped. My eyeliner was running. I couldn't let her see me like this. I was supposed to be the strong one, too. Not just her.

I needed to stop…

* * *

When Antoinette fixed her truck, she was finally able to put an enchantment on it to allow for more seats in the back. We were all sitting in her Navigator comfortably as she drove us to Gabrielle's club. Ron told us that it was indeed a straight club. Draco looked rather relieved, but no one else really seemed to care. I guess I didn't. Hermione didn't seem to mind, either.

Hermione was sitting next to me; we were in the very back of the truck, alone. She was asleep again with her head on my shoulder while everyone else in the front chatted away about who knows what. I really didn't care about them…

I was frozen when the shower water stopped. I didn't bet on her coming out at that very second, seeing the black running down my face. She wasn't wearing a damn thing but her sex on that svelte body of hers. Her expression was so hard. The steam coming out of the bathroom behind her even helped to make her…sexier.

She flicked the lights off in both rooms and swayed her way over to me. She crawled on the bed and got down on all fours with me in between; she drowned her body in her trademark Chanel perfume right after getting out of the shower, so it was unusually powerful on her.

But God, her eyes…they were so unbreakable in their relentless glaring. Power was ripped away and dangled right in front of me, and I couldn't do a damn thing to resist her.

I knew she liked it, too…

_"Why are you crying, hm?"_

_"I was just…zinking."_

_"That's not like you."_

_"Excuse me?"_

_"It's not like you to let your thoughts control you. Leave that to me, love."_

I just swallowed as she licked the eyeliner and tears from my face and licked her lips. She smacked them lightly and nibbled on my bottom lip, and I could only sigh. She was teasing me again; she wouldn't let me kiss her. I gave up quickly, and she just smirked at me…

_"You're losing it…and I love you for it. But don't you worry, my sweet. I like it when you don't know how to deal with me. It's the exact opposite in my dreams, and I'd really appreciate it if things stayed that way."_

I gaped at her; she edged her hands up my shirt and was gently scratching her nails up and down my torso. I knew I was shuddering and shivering like crazy, and I really didn't know why…

_"Fleur, tell me – what's your fantasy?"_

_"F-for what?"_

_"Anything."_

_"'Ermione, you're being—"_

_"You. I'm being you. Imitation is a form of flattery for you, isn't it? But this isn't imitation – it's my way of life. I am you and you are me…"_

"Fleur? Are you alright?"

_"Do you feel the mist in your chest? Do you feel the tingles? The longing; the desire? You want me? Is that what you want?"_

"Hello? Hermione's asleep; she has an excuse. Don't tell me you're spacing out."

_"You know, I wish you would act more like a man. You claim that you don't need one, but I don't like it when you get all soft on me. You cringe at the word 'lesbian', but here you are, helpless and horny underneath a naked woman…_

"What's wrong, Fleur? Why can't you move? Why can't you seize me now? You're making me all hot and bothered. You're making me come from just looking at your sexy face…

"Or is it really you? Or my blood? Your blood, really. My tainted…blood."

"Antoinette, pull over!"

_"There, there…don't you cry. You made me this way. You infected me. You make me so…inhuman. So surreal. I don't even feel like myself anymore. But I feel you inside of me, even if it's just a figment of my imagination. My dreams. My wet, soaked, sodden, drenched dreams of you doing the deed with me._

"You shudder and spasm with me so close to you…one, because you're scared. That makes me wet, you know. Quite the turn on to render you so. And two…"

"FLEUR! Fleur, please!"

_"Illnesses are contagious. Teasing and crying makes you vulnerable. Seems like you're finally getting a taste of your own…death."_

"Fleur? Why are you sobbing with a thousand mile stare?"

Hermione was awake and looking up at me with concern. It was like she turned into a completely different person! Everyone else was looking at me fearfully, but I just shook my head and took a deep breath.

"I'm fine. Just keep going."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, Blondie."

"Ehh…whatever you say."

I furrowed my brows and kept staring straight ahead. The street lights glided across the interior of the dark truck and everyone's solemn faces as Antoinette continued driving. They were all silent.

What the hell was that about? She really did do and say those things to me earlier. But I couldn't have been sick. I can't catch a sickness that my own heritage instills in others. You'd think I'd be immune to it.

But the way Hermione smirked and moved her face up to lick my tears and eyeliner from my face for the second time that night made me think otherwise.

I had a lot to learn about her. And myself. A…lot.

* * *

The club was packed, and people were already up and freak dancing to the American music that was not censored at all. Hermione was holding my hand as Gabrielle led us over to a table. I felt my chest vibrating with the bass of the music, but my heart was doing the same, for completely different reasons.

Hermione was scratching her thumb nail up and down my palm, and she kept doing it after we sat down. I was feeling unusually dizzy, and I didn't even notice that I had a drink in front of me some minutes later. Giselle nudged me and pointed to it, but I didn't think it would help any…

"Drink, Fleur."

"Ehm…Gabrielle, exactly what did you 'ave in mind to do 'ere besides drink?"

"Step."

"Oh. We 'aven't in a while."

"Fleur, drink your drink before you say any'zing else. You sound completely out of it."

I sighed and finally took a sip of whatever they bought for me. It tasted…sweet. And bitter. Like…Hermione's hand.

I kept drinking and drinking until I emptied the glass. I did feel a lot better. Odd…

"So Fleur, I assume you and Granger will be on opposite teams," Draco said casually.

"Teams for what?"

"Stepping, Granger. It's what we always do. Oh, I'm sorry – you wouldn't know that."

"Draco, stop. She 'asn't been out wiz us like zis."

"Yeah, yeah. Look, we basically divide up into teams and shut the club down. A dancing competition, if you will. But it's more stepping, not so much dancing."

"We should just do some dancing. To warm up. Zen we'll meet up back 'ere."

"Alright. C'mon Gabby, dance with me."

Gabrielle turned her nose up at Draco, but went with him anyway. George and Antoinette wandered off, and Squall was lucky enough to have both of the twins to dance with. Harry and Ron exchanged uncertain looks, but went to dance as well. Hermione stood up and almost dragged me with her.

I really didn't know what was going on, but I guess it would all reveal itself in due time…

"Think I don't know how to dance like this, Fleur?"

"Non, I don't zink you do."

Hermione looked up at me indicatively and put both of her hands on my hips. She brought me close to her and showed me that she did indeed know how freak dance…

C'mon!  
Yeah, yeah, yeah!  
Make that ass vibrate, make that ass vibrate  
Make that ass vibrate, shake that shit 'till you  
Start an earthquake

I want them three, to come up here wit' me  
So I can put em' where they 'pose to be  
One at the head, one in the middle  
and one down by my feet, she keep ticklin' me  
Neighbors bangin' on the wall cause we over here  
disturbin' the peace, baby be easy

She moved both of her hands down to the back of my thighs and pushed me up against her. I really felt like she was dry humping me, but there was an obvious part of me that loved it to death. I just let all of my worries go and tangled my hands in her hair and did the same to her.

Of course, she just had to move her mouth to my neck and suck on it… I gripped her head, probably to tell her to stop or bite harder. I didn't know; but I did know that it felt good. She kept dipping her knees lower and lower, rocking up and down with me. I felt so…aroused by her.

Where and when the hell did she learn how to dance like this?

Rockin' the bed so hard we done kicked off  
all tha' sheets; don't worry we don't need em  
A couple hours in the session we dun been  
through 'bout four CDs  
Keith Sweat, Mary J, Brian McKnight, and Jodeci  
By the way look think I need a couple cans of energy drinks

Hermione was being positively crude at this point; she inched her hand in between my legs and stuck her finger up as high as it would go. I gasped, and she moved her entire body behind me, and it looked like we were in a missionary position…

I was entirely too turned on by this. I just barely registered that I was still dancing with her. It really felt like she was screwing me. Her breathing picked up, and so did mine. Her fingers picked up their pace, and so did my blood down there. I felt an earthquake in my stomach from the arousal, I'll tell you that…

People were staring, but it just made her grind, hump, and dance faster. She bent me over a little and put a hand to my face so she could crane my head and whisper her own version of the lyrics in my ear…

"'Cause you got somethin' vibratin' in your coochie…zzziiiizzzzzzzzz…"

Oh…my…God…

Bend over and touch ya toes,  
Blow smoke got ya hoes like you blowin' dro'.  
Slide down the pole, upside down do it fast or slow  
Round here we professionals, get flexible, real sexual

She blew my mind away…

I felt my legs spread open, and Hermione's face looked up at me from in between them. I just glared at her to hide my…excitement. Everyone was still staring as Hermione slinked her body in time with the music, back bent and sliding her navel right underneath me.

She put her hands on my shoulders and led me down, down, down…I was getting closer and closer to doing the splits now, with her underneath me, still dry humping me and slowly dancing with her upper body. That smile of hers was…deadly.

I took the bait and put my hands through my hair and lifted my arms all the way up and rocked my hips against her. She liked it a lot. I decided to change the lyrics around myself as I cradled her head in my hands and bent down to her ear…

"I can fuck you in 'ere, lay you on ze table. Crawl up behind you and cram all of it in you. I can ride your ass like a bicycle, 'old right zere…"

Hermione smiled even more as I gave her one last hump as the song changed. I lifted one of my legs and moved so that I was at her side instead of on top of her. I put my hips right at the small of her back and lifted her body up a little. She held my hands right in between her legs, and I got to feel her this time while we kept dancing on each other.

"Break me off, Fleur. Give it to me…"

I shoved my hips against her and spun her around. She put her hands on my waist and sashayed her torso around, lifting her shoulders up and down in time with my own and the music. We stayed close to each other and kept up a more subtle rock with our hips, grinning and licking our lips at each other the whole time…

Hermione could definitely give me a run for my money one day if she keeps this up.

I'm out the door  
It's automatic  
Simple, babe  
I'm like a fire  
Bottle busting in your face  
So tired of you being up in my space  
How much more could I take?  
I'm tired of privates  
driving me to general  
that ain't me

She kept smiling at me as we let go of each other and kept up with the pop march. She had a good idea of how to step already, and she was doing a good job of keeping her feet stomping with the strong beats. I followed her and we both kept our knees bouncing up and down with our shoulders, rocking a little harder against each other.

Our breaths were fast and sharp, and we were both sweating. People made a circle around us and were cheering us on, and that just seemed to rejuvenate us both. We both started swaying and popping our hips in time with the music, mirroring each other.

This was the most fun I'd had with anyone. Ever. I think she felt the same way about me.

When I hit the door  
Leaving with my bag  
Hit the scene in my new wagon  
Bet he gonna wish he knew  
The type of fun  
I'm getting into  
Good boo he good  
Doing things you wish you could  
He's not talking  
He's just walking  
Like them city boys from New York

"This time I need a soldier. A really bad ass soldier, that knows how to take, to take care of me. I'm so damn glad that's over. This time I need a soldier. I'm sick of toy soldiers. A boy that knows how to take care of me. Won't be just coming over.

"Are you a toy soldier, Fleur?"

"You know I'm not…"

"Good… You said you'd be my man, so keep it up. No boys, please. You're a man. I don't want you to cry anymore."

Fair enough…

I don't want no more  
Toy soldiers  
I'm really sick and tired  
Of those toy soldiers  
I don't want no more  
Toy soldiers  
I'm really sick and tired  
Of those toy soldiers

We bit our bottom lips at the same time and grinned at each other. I lifted my hands up through my hair again and turned my back to her. I kept my face close to hers as I bent down and rolled my hips against her. She moaned a soft "Ooohh" in my ear and I flashed my eyes at her.

She followed my example and hopped up to spin around and put her back to mine. We swayed our backs and hips against each other to the music, both of us lifting our hands up through our hair. We bent our knees lower and lower, lifting our arms up higher and higher…

I'm wanted more than ever now  
I realized  
That they ain't listening  
Like a princess  
Supposed to get it  
That's why I'm dusting off my business  
Coming back looking delicious  
Yes I know they want the kisses  
Now I'm holding that attention  
Cause new Britney's on a mission

We eventually held hands with our arms erect in the air, bent so low and still rolling our backs and hips in time to the music. People were howling and whistling, and Hermione and I smiled at each other before letting ourselves sit on the floor and bounce back in front of each other, still holding hands.

I noticed Gabrielle and everyone else gaping at us. I winked at her and motioned for her to come over here. She did, and Hermione and I had her stand in between our arms. My birthday girl couldn't go without a little spotlight…

When I hit the door  
Leaving with my bag  
Hit the scene in my new wagon  
Bet he gonna wish he knew  
The type of fun  
I'm getting into  
Good boo he good  
Doing things you wish you could  
He's not talking  
He's just walking  
Like them city boys from New York

Hermione and I sashayed our way up and kept up with the pop march again as we clicked our heels and stomped with Gabrielle in between us. We rocked our hips against Gabrielle's sides and people cheered even louder. My sister was beet red, but Hermione and I just laughed.

This time I need a soldier  
a really bad ass soldier  
That know how to take to take care of me  
I'm so damn glad that's over  
This time I need a soldier  
I'm sick of toy soldiers  
A boy that knows how to take care of me  
Won't be just coming over

Gabrielle was most certainly our toy as we let go of the others' hand and circled my sister like hyenas. We spread our legs out and dry humped her at a distance, then up close, farther, closer, still stomping and popping our heels and knees.

The smile on Hermione's face was unforgettable. She looked like she was just fine. I couldn't have been happier.

Brit, I heard  
That he was silly stealing all the chilling  
Brit, I heard he say  
That he could stay  
If he wanted to  
Brit, I heard  
That every man out here is wanting you now  
Brit I heard  
I heard  
What you gonna do now?

Draco, Antoinette, Harry, Ron, and Squall came over and joined us. Draco and Antoinette stayed behind me and kept up a simple jig to the music, waiting for our cue to start stepping. Harry, Ron, and Squall decided to ally with Hermione. I was damn curious to see how well they'd be able to deal with veterans.

Gabrielle was finally loosening up as Hermione and I stood up straight and mimicked Draco and Antoinette's simple dance. Harry, Ron, and Squall did the same. The song was about to end just as Hermione and I surprised Gabrielle one last time.

Hermione spread Gabrielle's legs apart and I bent my sister over. I jumped a little and put my leg over Gabrielle's shoulder, grinding against her ear a little while Hermione supported her under her legs. Even Draco looked impressed as he and Antoinette shared a high-five and cheered us on along with everyone else.

A boy that knows how to take care of me  
Won't be just coming over  
Coming over  
Coming over

I'm sick of toy soldiers

That boy that knows how to take care of me  
Won't be just coming over

"'Appy bir'zday, Gabby!"

"…you two are insane."

Hermione and I just laughed as the song finally changed. Gabrielle freed herself from our clutches and dragged me over to Draco and Antoinette, while Squall dragged Hermione over to Ron and Harry. The eight of us were smiling while George and the twins nodded to us just as the new song started.

Hermione was naturally leading her crew and stood right in the front, while I was a mere foot away from her with my posse behind me. We smiled at each other and faced each other in profile, dipping our thighs little by little and rolling our backs and hips with the violins.

Pull up your pants  
Just like em'  
Take out the trash  
Just like em'  
You can dig cash like em'  
Fast like em'  
Girl you outta act like ya dig  
What I'm talkin' bout'  
Security codes on everything  
Vibrate so your phone don't ever ring  
Joint account  
And another one he don't know about

They were actually doing a lot better than I expected. Harry, Ron, and Squall followed Hermione's dance to a tee, and I know Draco, Gabrielle, and Antoinette were doing the same with me.

Step, heel click, heel swivel. Step, heel click, heel swivel. Again and again with a gentle sync of our shoulders in time with the drums. There were some obvious variations, in that I chose to move as close to Hermione as possible. My group followed my lead and surrounded us.

Wish we could switch up the roles  
And I could be that...  
Tell you I love you  
But when you call I never get back  
Would you ask them questions like me?  
Like where you be at?  
Cause I'm out  
4 in the morning  
On the corna rolling  
Doing my own thing  
Ohh

I wondered if Hermione really wanted me to act like a man? Or a boy. Either one. I bet she wouldn't like it if this is how I lashed out at her random spurts of evil seduction that drove me crazy. I bet she wouldn't be happy at all if I went back to my old self.

I glared at her and her smile cracked a little. She knows better than to not mess with my head; that's what she was trying to do. I put my arms around her neck and leaned back as I bumped my hips against her with the drum beat before whipping around and smacking her with my hair.

She glared right back at me. I liked it.

"What if I... 'ad a zing on ze side? Made you cry? Would ze rules change up, or would zey still apply? If I… played you like a toy? Sometimes I wish I could act like a boy…"

I guess she didn't know that I could sing. Hmph. She had a lot to learn about me, still. We all kept up with the stepping, but I could have sworn I felt the groups edge away from us to give us space again.

My poor Hermione was scowling, but still rolling her body so expertly and sexily. But she knows better than to fuck with me if it's anything but my clit. I'm not one to be victimized, and nor is she.

We're not having any of that in this relationship.

Can't be getting mad!  
What, you mad?  
Can't handle that!  
Can't be getting mad!  
What, you mad?  
Can't handle that!

I know she's still sick. I know I'm not; she's just messing with me. It's an intense chemistry we have, and I love it. It was even more intense how I felt her body melting into me as we glared at each other and kept stepping, clicking, dipping and rolling to the music.

But she'd better be careful to not step, click, dip, or roll with me…

Girl go head and be...  
Just like em'  
Go run the streets  
Just like em'  
come home late say sleep like em'  
Creep like em'  
Front with ya friends  
Act hard when you're with em' like em'  
What  
Keep a straight face when ya tell a lie  
Always keep an airtight alibi  
Keep him in the dark  
What he don't know won't break his heart

My Hermione is so…fiery. So full of passion and energy. But I know, right now, she's just hiding behind all of it because she doesn't want to come off as weak or powerless under her illness. I know we're having fun right now, but she needs to learn that I'm not going to reduce myself to crying over her ever again.

What if I?  
Had a thing on the side?  
Made ya cry?  
Would the rules change up?  
Or would they still apply?  
If I...  
played you like a toy?  
Sometimes I wish I could act like a boy

I bet she wouldn't like it. I wouldn't like it if she did that to me, either. But I just might if she pushes me past that breaking point. I love it when she's sexy, but I don't love it when she's manipulative and scary. I love, love, love when she makes me speechless, but I don't like it when she is when she obviously needs to speak up.

She was still glaring. She knew what I was thinking. She knew every damn thing, since she's so smart. If anyone's going to be doing any testing, it's going to be me…

"Can't be getting mad. What, you mad? Can't 'andle zat? Can't 'andle me? You really want me to act like a boy? A man? Certainly not a shady man, right? Well zen... respect me, and I'll respect you and worship you like a man damn well should."

If I was always gone  
with the sun getting home  
would ya like that?  
Told you I was with my crew  
when I knew it wasn't true  
would ya like that?  
If I act like you  
walk a mile off in yo shoes  
Would ya like that?  
I'm messing with your head again  
Dose of your own medicine

"I know you wouldn't do that to me."

"And I trust zat you wouldn't, eizer."

If I played you...  
Would you like that?  
Had friends...  
Would you like that?  
'nother car?  
Would you like that?  
Hell naw  
you wouldn't like that  
No!

"'Ermione, you're getting worse. If you don't want me to cure you right now, zat is fine…but don't try and 'ide your problems from me. You made me cry earlier. Don't play me."

What if I made ya cry!  
Would they still apply!  
What if I...  
If I played you like a toy  
Sometimes I wish I could act like a boy!

The song faded out and Hermione and I stopped mid rock against each other. The surrounding people broke out in a loud applause, but our friends knew that something was wrong with this picture. They circled around us and shuffled us outside, blocking the doorway so that no one would be able to bother us. I suddenly didn't care about them anymore; Hermione was upset, and I needed to fix this.

I held her hand and led her over to a secluded area. She practically collapsed on me before I wrapped my arms around her. She held me tight and took deep breaths to calm herself; she was sweating bullets. The night air helped cool her down, but I knew her frustration was warming her too much. Her blood pressure was not helping her at all.

"'Ermione, please. I know you're frustrated wiz zis illness. We can go on for as long as you want wizout curing you, but I'm going to be 'onest – I fear for your life. Please tell me when you can't take it anymore."

"I will… But I…"

"But what…?"

"I like…what it makes me become. I like how easily I was able to keep up with you in there. I like how…how crazy it makes me. How crazy you make me."

She looked up at me, and I felt a strange…desire. I licked away at the sweat on her face, and she sighed. I stopped and looked into her eyes, and she flashed them at me. My heart flashed and flickered at the same time…

Was this a dangerous path to tread? As long as I kept a little control on her, she'd be fine. I trusted that she could control herself as much as she felt to.

We were probably being selfish, but we did like how it sparked a fervent drive inside of her. It in turn gave me a little edge. But would she keep scraping and cutting until there was nothing left of me? Hmm…

Somehow, the prospect made me smile. She smiled, too. I didn't know if that was bad or not, but the dynamic we shared was so stimulating and razor-sharp that I couldn't help myself. Hermione sensed it in my eyes and moved her lips to mine, finally convincing me that she was indeed ravenous for me.

Her lips on mine were forceful and gentle at the same time. I bit and sucked around her lips whenever I couldn't take it anymore, and she would groan in protest every single time and dig her nails in my back. I just smiled and arched into her and shot my tongue right back inside when she did. She was too hungry to even bother teasing me back, and I loved it.

Our breaths were still heavy from the dancing, and they kept weighing us down more and more. I tried to ignore my need for oxygen; I needed her more. I needed and wanted and hunted for her with my mouth, and I found her over and over again. She did the same with her hands, and gripped my ass just as I pushed my mouth the hardest to revel in her.

Intense…passionate…ardent…fanatical…obsessive – that was our relationship. That was us. I couldn't ask for anything more than her, but anything less would make me yearn for more and more to make me push her beyond our limits.

Nothing will ever make me forget how badly I want her. Not even Hermione herself.


	35. Lucky Bitch

_**XXXVI.**__Lucky Bitch_

(Hermione's POV)

Saturday, August 16th, 2008

I feel like such a sap for saying this, but I love Fleur. I love her, I love her, I love her, I love her. Did I say that I love her? Well, I do. I could go on past the limits of this journal she bought for me saying how much and why I do.

I'm almost jealous of myself. She's asleep next to me right now. I can barely write properly from all of my excitement and…sickness, I suppose. But I don't mind, really. Last night was amazing, even if it did feel like I was about to have a heat stroke when we left the club. I don't think it was so much this disease.

When I got out of the shower, I was steaming through my pores from just aching for her to break down the door and be under the cascades with me. I had my senses all knotted into a bunch when I came out and saw her crying. I hardly registered what it was I said to her…everything just floated from my lips.

Even now, my heart is racing and soaring. My stomach may as well burn from how hot it is with nerves. It's almost like a permanent climax with her so close to me. It's hard to breathe when I'm not in the same room with her. I can barely focus on anything if I'm not concentrating on her and how wonderful she is.

I need to write down everything. A memoir of our love. To remember her by. I will, soon. For now, I feel like my nose is going to fall off if I don't sniff that cocaine in her hair, on her face, her neck, her breasts…so please excuse me.

* * *

After she finally woke up, I rushed both of us to get dressed and apparate away. Fleur looked absolutely baffled as we reached part one of her surprise that day – we were at my parents' house. I invited the entire family over, and they all clapped and cheered as we walked through the front door. The way her mouth kept hanging open then shutting closed was priceless.

"It's nice to see you again, Fleur," dad said.

Fleur looked quite taken aback. Dad just winked at her but mum rolled her eyes and shook her head. Everyone else was grinning the teeth out of their mouths, and I had absolutely no idea why. Since this was only, you know, the first time they'd ever seen Fleur.

"Well, come in you two. Everyone's dying to talk with Fleur," mum said sarcastically.

Everyone swarmed Fleur at that very second and I barely got out of the mob alive. Mum and dad hurried off with me before Fleur could say anything, let alone notice, and we went in the back yard. I smiled and collapsed on the hammock while they pulled up two chairs and lemonades for the three of us. We sipped our drinks and laughed loudly for a moment.

"So how'd you convince her to come here?" mum asked after we were done giggling.

"Oh, I didn't. I just grabbed her hand as she woke up from her nap and apparated here. She hasn't even mentioned that she's aware of what tomorrow is."

"I take it things are still hunky dory like you told us they were last week?"

"Yes, dad. They're very hunky, like Fleur."

"That's good. We haven't seen you this happy…ever, really."

"Ever?"

"Ever," mum repeated. "I just wonder why everyone was so eager to talk to her."

"Hmm…actually, there might be an explanation for that besides her beauty. Dad, did you feel anything surging through you when Fleur and I walked in the door?"

"Um…yes, actually. I felt all tingly inside. Like I couldn't take my…"

Dad decided to smile and shut up, then twiddle his thumbs awkwardly as mum gave him a furtive glance. I smiled and rolled my eyes.

"It was probably her thrall. I guess she doesn't have complete control over it like I thought she would. It tends to slip whenever she's nervous or agitated, it seems."

"What thrall?"

"Um…well, I did tell you that she's a quarter Veela."

"Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"It means she can wrangle men's emotions and seduce them whenever she wants."

"That makes sense," mum said with an eye roll. I chuckled.

"But maybe I should go back in there."

"No, Hermione. Let her get to know them without you. Her old charms will come back out, and they'll eat her right up."

"Isn't that Hermione's job?"

"Kenneth…"

I laughed loudly for a minute and took a large sip of my lemonade. It was amazing how I never got choked up about anything concerning Fleur. Even mum and dad laughed with me in between sips.

"So Hermione, what were you saying in passing about that…disease, again? Something you've been concerned about?"

"Oh…well, just so you know, there hasn't been any eating going on since Christmas. It's having an adverse effect on my common sense…"

"Meaning…?"

"Meaning I can turn into a complete bitch at any second if I get the tiniest incentive. A…sexy one, according to Fleur."

"Hmm." Dad flicked his hair from his eyes thoughtfully and grinned. "A lucky bitch, I presume?"

"Dad!"

"What? I'm older than you, I can cuss!"

"I think what your dear father is trying to say is that you're lucky to be sexy in Fleur's eyes. Last time I checked, you never considered yourself sexy."

"I beg to differ, dear. I mean, look at her!"

I raised an eyebrow at them and looked at myself. I wasn't thinking when I grabbed clothes at random from Fleur's closet to put on when she finally woke up. Apparently, I took her denim Rockawear jeans, black pumps, and black Rockawear shirt. All three fit me a little too well, I guess.

My make up wasn't anything outstanding; it was the same I'd always put on to impress her - eyeliner and chocolate brown eye shadow. I guess I have changed a bit. But ever since I fell in love with Fleur, all of this came to me automatically. I grew a heightened sense of fashion out of nowhere, it seemed.

"You don't think you look good, honey?"

"Err…I guess, dad. But I just pulled random clothes from her closet."

"Mhm."

"Hermione, as long as you're alright with the obvious changes you've been going through, I think you'll be fine with this disease."

"There's just the problem that I might…die…if this keeps up."

"But didn't you say Fleur's good at keeping tabs on your symptoms?"

"Um…no. Sometimes I can't help myself. Like last night…"

"…what happened last night?"

"Well, dad…I had no idea I could freak dance and practically have sex with Fleur to American songs until yesterday."

I bit down on my cup and actually smiled at their shocked faces. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't stop smiling. Just the thought of Fleur's shock last night when I showed her that I did indeed know how to freak dance was amazing. The way she and I fit into each other so perfectly, the way we mirrored each other easily, and how much…fun it was – all of it was mesmerizing.

"So I assume your symptoms helped you with this?"

"Yes, mum. It's rather convenient, really. I just don't like my night-time habits."

"What habits?"

"Wet dreams. Masturbation. Frustration and irritation with myself when I wake up. It bothers me for a while, but then I tend to forget about it once I get the satisfaction of seeing surprise on that fine face of hers."

"Ohhh…so I assume that you two have agreed to let this illness go about its course?"

"Yes."

"And you're not scared?"

"No. I trust her. But anyway, you two should go back in there to keep my cover."

"Oh, right, right. You're sure about this?"

"I'm sure."

"Alright…just pop back if things get hectic."

"Will do, dad."

I got up and pecked both of them on the cheek after putting my empty cup down. After taking a deep breath, I smiled at them one last time and apparated to that familiar house on the hill.

* * *

"H-hermione…it's wonderful to see you again."

"I know this is rather unexpected, but may I come in? I need to have a talk with the both of you."

"Certainly. I'll go get Apolline. Have a seat on the couch."

Lionel swallowed and took a deep breath before hovering up the stairs. I sighed when he was out of earshot and carefully sat down on the plastic-covered couch that Malfoy supposedly slipped on last Christmas. And the one before that. The one before that, too. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

I looked around; there were a lot of pictures with people missing, by the obvious emptiness in them. Lionel and Apolline were beaming with two empty spaces in between them. There were other pictures that were just empty altogether.

I licked the outer rim of my teeth and flicked my hair from my face. I wasn't nervous at all, but I know Fleur would be freaking out if she knew that I was at her parents' house without her. But this is something that I need to do.

I finally heard two pairs of footsteps come down the stairs, and I crossed my legs and arms. Lionel tried to smile at me as he sat down next to me. Apolline sat in the chair not too far away from me, but her face was rather blank. If I didn't know any better, I would have guessed that she was trying to hide her surprise that I was in her living room.

In fact, I was sitting on the very couch that I had the fortune of having my last feel of Fleur's mouth in between my legs on. The mother-in-law seemed to realize this, too – the flicker of more surprise behind her eyes was amusing. I smiled and cleared my throat, trying my damndest to figure out how Fleur would keep her cool in a situation like this.

"Right, well, I know this is a surprise, but I feel that I should apologize for my behavior on Christmas. I know this is a rather delayed apology, but I trust that you've had plenty of time to cool off."

"You want something from me, don't you?"

"So quick to jump to conclusions, aren't you?"

"Why else would you be here? You either have a guilty conscience for making a fool of me in my own home, or you're an arrogant bitch."

"Mmm, we can go with the latter if you'd like."

Another flicker. I tried to make my voice sound sweet, but the truth was that I was rather hurt by her words. It was like I was meeting Fleur all over again, and feeling thrown by her cold exterior. Apolline certainly did give Fleur quite a few of her genes. Fleur's occasional charming demeanor must have come from her…father.

Or not…

"Why are you here?"

"I'd like it if we didn't have to butt heads all the time. I still love your daughter. We're still dating."

"And you're dying."

"Yes."

I finally unfolded my arms and let her see my trembling hands. I'd nearly forgotten that I had hands by the way I was calling upon every fiber of imitation for Fleur that I possessed to keep my cool. Breaths were hard to come by. I had to tell myself to open my eyes every time I closed them to blink.

Apolline bit her lip and finally softened her face. She could tell that I was either too stupidly in love with Fleur to care about dying, or I was just so unfazed by it all. To be honest, it was a nice combination of both. I let my exhaustion show as I took a deep, forced breath and slumped slightly in my seat. Lionel put his arm around me, and I think Apolline stopped herself from getting up to do the same…

"Why…do you keep going like this?"

"I love her so, so much. But I also love what my blood can make me do. I can keep her on her toes, Apolline. I can rip her emotions in two one moment, then meld them back together into an insatiable want for me the next. I can control her. No one else can say that."

"And she likes it?"

"She loves me that much more because of it."

"Where is she now?"

"Meeting my entire family back in England. They've been dying to meet her."

"And she's…happy…with you?"

"Either that, or she's a damn good liar."

"I don't believe she truly loves you. I know her."

"You'd be surprised."

I reached in my pocket and pulled out the strands of hair that I ripped out months ago. George was nice enough to hold onto them for me for a while. The look on their faces was picture perfect.

"She….you…"

"Yes, she transformed and I managed to pull some of her hair. She's still alive and well."

Her eyes shone and she blinked fiercely for a moment. I sighed heavily and folded my arms again. I guess I was hoping that she'd finally break down, but I still felt oddly tired without Fleur next to me. Apolline finally got up and sat next to me, but it just wasn't the same…

"Hermione, you do know what this means, right?"

"It means she honestly loves me, yes…"

"Well, that, and you'll be cured the next time you have sex."

"But I thought we had to be crying for that to happen?"

"No. If you two genuinely love each other, your Lozenges will be gone completely without needing to cry."

"Oh…that's right."

"You don't sound very happy about it."

"I just…well, I'm scared that I won't have this same edge if I'm cured, Apolline. I'm scared I'll go back to being boring."

"Hermione, you won't lose the edge. In fact, the term 'cured' with this disease is rather, pardon my language, half assed."

"What?"

"The reason why I tried to scare Fleur and Gabrielle into being homophobic was because I didn't want this to happen to anyone. Hermione, you're such a strong and admirable woman. Lionel and I have heard so much about you from the media over the years about your successes in the fashion industry.

"And, of course, your legacy with Harry is remarkable. I was furious at Fleur more than anything for fooling around with you. I didn't trust her with you at all. But I guess I was wrong to judge her.

"If she cures one thing with you, another problem will come about. You can control your exhaustion now, as long as Fleur is nearby. But it's going to get to the point where it'll be dangerous to be so close to her until you accept her all over again."

"I did read about this for quite a few months. But none of the books I found even mentioned any complications with me being cured."

"You can't be cured. This is a virus in your blood, not any old bacteria. It's a magical virus, Hermione. Not something any Muggle medicine can cure, as you know. But if you have sex again, the virus is going to spread to your nervous system. Your body naturally doesn't want to love Fleur, so it's going to fight against the source of its animosity."

"My…brain?"

"Yes…your entire cognition system, really. And if you find a way to cure that, it'll attack your heart. No one has ever found a 'cure' beyond that point, so I can't tell you what will happen."

"I strangely don't really…care about all of that, Apolline. I love her."

"You say that now…"

"What will happen to me if we have sex? Specifically. Please, tell me."

"You'll never lose your edge, your desire for her, or your memories. But you'll lose your love for her. Not right away, no. You'll have a year, and it will happen instantly."

"…how is that possible? I know about the love part, but the rest doesn't make any sense."

"It's happened to other couples before, Hermione. I speak from experience…"

I swallowed and looked away from her; a tear cut down her face. Lionel nodded sadly at me and looked away, too. I know Fleur said that might happen, but…well, honestly, I was just so caught up in the moment with her whenever she mentioned it that I didn't think twice. I always had it in the back of my head whenever I tried to hide my symptoms…

But her own mother went through this. I could hardly believe it. No wonder she was so relentless about the homophobia…

"I already didn't think Fleur or Gabrielle could ever find anyone that was good enough for them. I love them to death, and I put them up so high on pedestals. But at the same time, I know I crush them inside. They struggle with their identities because of me. In the end, I did end up making them suffer in some way because of homosexuality.

"My story isn't important. But yours is, Hermione. She actually loves you. It's quite possible that you will forget certain things. Small things that you remember your love by. Songs, places, things. You'll feel a familiarity about them, but you won't know why. The biggest thing you'll feel that for is, of course, Fleur herself."

"But…I can't keep going like this for long. I don't want to forget, but I can hardly breathe now as it is."

"You'll be fine when you see her again. But the happier you make her, the less her conscience will feel the need to control her thrall inside of you."

"Well then…I guess this is going to come to an end tomorrow night."

"Why tomorrow?"

"I did come here for one specific thing. I have a favor to ask of the both of you."

"What is it?"

I glanced at Lionel; he was still looking away, and obviously focusing intently on something off in the distance. I smiled sadly at him before slowly turning back to Apolline. I looked her directly in the eye and pretended that she was Fleur for a moment. She was focusing on something behind me for a second, but quickly glued her eyes onto mine when she realized how intently I was looking at her.

"By the gods, I love your daughter with everything I have and everything I don't have and damn myself that I don't. Despite this illness, I feel like I'm dying simply because her father's arm is around me right now and not hers. I feel like my heart will fall out of my chest if she doesn't lift it with her lilting voice right this second.

"I've surrendered my heart, body, and soul to the woman. I should be damning her to hell for infecting me, but I honestly feel that both this illness and her are the best things that have ever happened to me. She's done nothing but cradle my every desire and multiply them every time I so much as think of her smile.

"Please…she means everything to me… She is everything. She's so beautiful that it makes me want to cry sometimes. She's so perfect and charming that she makes me dissolve into a pool of nothing but her aroma on me, and the image of her sipping me right up makes me want to die. She's such a romantic. She's a goddess, and I'd be a fool to run away from her.

"I want more memories. I need more memories of her. I can't let her keep teasing me; she's so irresistible. I'm sorry for saying this, but I'm craving and aching for her so much right now that I just want to scream to make the want calm down. But even then, I thrive on being addicted to her. It makes me feel so…alive.

"So…I ask of you…I beg of you… Please, may I…marry your daughter?"

All she did was nod her head and look away. I was expecting more of a reaction, really. I turned to face Lionel, and he nodded to me as well before turning away again. Why couldn't they at least give me the decency of looking at me?

I pursed my lips and finally looked over at what they were looking at, and the blood in my veins stopped flowing. It just…froze into a stagnant pool of nothing. Oxygen was cut off. It hurt to even push my chest out to take a breath. My heart was still hammering, though. I didn't understand it, but it didn't matter.

My blood may have stopped running, but that didn't stop my feet from doing the same. I ran to Fleur and fell to her feet. I held her legs in my arms as if I'd fall into the depths of hell lest I didn't grip onto her sinfully smooth skin under her skirt.

I had no idea what came over me, but I didn't care. I adored her and worshipped her and venerated her with such a beseeching gesture that it would have made anyone else sick. But I was too sick to care. I was too lovesick to give a damn how pitiful I was to practically be sobbing against her legs. I just loved her so much that it was truly cracking my heart with glee and pain; glee to have her, but pain because I still wanted her.

I peeled one arm from around her and fumbled around in my pocket. I finally Repaired the ring. I finally had the courage to ask this of her, despite the consequences that were imminent. I finally had no doubts; my want for her just poured out from my eyes. It took everything I had to let go with my other arm and hold the box on one palm and put my other on top of it…

I swallowed and found the strength to look up at her; her eyes were so wide with emotion. I smiled and tried in vain to reach the boundaries of how far her pools stretched, far out into expanses that I'd never even imagined. Her hands were gripped so tight, one over her mouth, the other over those perfect digits of hers.

It was now or never…

"God, Fleur…being here under you… You're just like an endless Amazon; pure and exquisite beauty and strength, even though you're threatening to collapse from how hard you're trying to hold back your tears. That makes me so happy. You make me happy.

"But you have no idea how much I love you. I could never express it to you enough. I could never truly forget. To hell with this disease. I promise you I'll never let you out of my life. I'll be damned if I walk out on you, in love or not.

"You obviously heard everything I told them about you… I'm scared to death that I'll forget my love, but I won't forget you. I know that this will just be another reason for me to remember that I am devoted to you. If you can call me your wife, even if I don't remember why at first, I will be moved by you.

"I trust that you will fight for me. So…your challenge is going to start soon. Why don't you make it a little easier on yourself and marry me in the mean time?"

I finally let my quaking hand open the box to reveal the ring that I bought so many months ago. It shone in her eyes; it had the liberty of having a single tear fall right in the middle of the diamonds as she nodded that gorgeous head of hers and practically fell down to give me the strongest bear hug ever.

My heart bounced up and down just as she nodded; it boiled and steamed in my eyes. Her hand on my back and the other tangled in my hair made me laugh with pure delight and comfort. She laughed and let go of me to instead clamp my head in her hands and kiss every inch of my face with a hunger I was damn near jealous of.

I found the sense to gently take a hold of her right hand, but she pulled away. My face fell, but then she smirked at me and reached into her pocket and pulled out…

"I zink…zis is an engagement ring. You 'old on to yours."

Rubies and diamonds…oh my God. It was gorgeous. She…but…I…

THIS is what she ordered from Tiffany's?

She slipped it on the ring finger of my left hand and gaped at her. The thought never even crossed my mind to get an engagement ring. I couldn't even speak. She was planning on proposing to me, too…

"You definitely are a lucky bitch, 'Ermione. And your…our parents…are absolute dolls. Your…our family…I love zem all. But most of all, I love you for 'aving ze courage to ask permission of my parents to 'ave my 'and in marriage before even asking me.

"I promise to give you ze best year of your life, starting right…now…"

She kissed the ring on my finger before pouncing me and kissing me senseless on the floor. The last thing I heard other than her lips colliding into mine were…our parents chuckling. I really was a lucky bitch to be engaged to the most beautiful woman in the universe. We were kissing each other like we'd been yearning for the other for a century. Like it was our first time. I felt so revitalized that I didn't notice that I was practically suffocating from the lack of air. My blood was finally pumping again, and it was bubbling into a wonderful pool of adoration for my Fleur.

The prospect of her possibly having to make me fall in love with her all over again seemed…invigorating. I wondered how long we'd be able to resist until the clock of our year begins to count down, though. Not very long at this pace, but it was quite alright…

I wasn't afraid of a damn thing. Especially not with her very essence pouring through me right this second…


	36. Let Go of Me Not

Midnight; August 17th, 2008

_**XXXVII.**__ Let Go of Me Not_

(Fleur's POV)

In love and too deep to let the clutches of fear and hesitation reach us – that is what we were. It is who we are.

Tonight was just a normal night unlike any other; I was taking the liberty of tangling my fingers through Hermione's hair. I may have been clutching too hard, though. But she seemed to like it. We were playing the game my way tonight. It was my birthday, after all. I completely forgot until she shook me awake moments ago.

But just because tonight was a normal night doesn't mean that it was a quiet one…

"'Ermione, you are so adorable. Why don't I really push you down ze stairs and end your misery now?"

She was struggling against me to get us back in the bedroom, but I had other plans. We weren't wearing a thing – surely she was aware that I wanted something. But before I could even think to laugh at her again, she fell backwards and brought me sliding down the stairs with her. It didn't hurt at all, though. The way she practically ate my neck off on the way down blinded me to anything else.

We slid down to the marble floor, and she tried to scurry away from me. But I wouldn't let her. She was playing hard to get, but I was ready for a game of getting hard…

"Mmm…no. You're too beautiful – let me 'ave you now. I want you. I crave you right this second…it's been monz. And you said tonight was ze night…"

A grin and a wink, then she was up and away. I just barely managed to grab her by the ankle, but she only dragged me along to the kitchen. I smirked as she reached a dead end in the form of the long counter of the bar, and rushed to my feet to pin her against the marble. We were in an ever so familiar compromising position, and I could practically see the recollection flashing in her eyes in our dark kitchen…

I was pushing my body down, making her lean back. It got to the point where she literally hoisted herself up on the counter to support herself; my devouring of her neck must have been too much. Her hisses and groans of approval made me want more every time without fail.

I could never get tired of this…

She wrapped her legs around me and dug her heels into my back. Our breaths picked up, sending lustful fogs of gasps and moans all throughout the room. I brought her hips right to the edge of the counter to grind right into her, and she convoluted in such a sensual agony that it made me wet.

"Give me more…more… Mmm…you heard me… Stop…teasing…"

I pulled away from her neck and wrapped a hand around the back of it instead. I moved my free arm around both of hers and moved a foot up on the counter right next to her. It definitely made the grinding a little more interesting, to say the least…

She felt me against her. I felt her against me. I kept going, slowly, enjoying her torturous cries and whines. Her nails digging into my back made me smile and bite my lip. It was a match made in heaven to finally feel her again. She was so warm. She was soaked all over, and me purring down her neck was not helping at all.

"You are so fiery…full of passion. Warmer zan any summer day. I know…you've been waiting a long time for zis. I 'ave, too. I know you're not scared. I most certainly am not…"

I slid her body further on top of the bar and crawled on top of her. It was amazing how everything she did and uttered underneath me turned me on and over and around and off, always ready to start the cycle over again.

"Fleur…please…"

"Ask nicely…"

Just as I was about to move down, she brought my face right next to hers. The heat she was giving off was unnatural; how did I not notice it before? She was sweating enough to fill buckets easily. Her breath against my face nearly burned me. The look in her eyes…it was unmistakably vicious.

"'Ermione…?"

"Just in case something goes wrong… I want…you to listen to me now. Listen to my story. But keep going. Don't let me stop you…"

I wondered if I should kiss her then. But she couldn't breathe well…I didn't want to suffocate her. I nodded and chose to kiss her eyes closed instead, then I moved down to where she needed me the most. It was beyond me how she was able to speak in between her groans and gasps, but all the more power to her...

"You…are…without a doubt…the strongest person I know. I want you to promise me…that you won't let me go. _Promise_…me…first…"

"I promise…"

I held her hands and she gripped me tighter than ever before. Her moans started to sound water-smooth…like they were cleansing her. She was just convulsing and sweating so much underneath me that it made me hesitant to continue on. But she told me that I'm…strong. Stronger than anyone she knows.

But for some reason, I felt tears sting my eyes as her sounds of release reverberated through the kitchen. I found myself trembling with a need to hear her voice assuage me, just to have the will to keep going. I know she felt my needs.

I know she felt _true_ release…

"This feels…so good. Too good… So cleansing and purifying… B-but I think…it's mainly because…of how much love you're giving me. It's filling me past my breaking point right now…!"

She was getting there; her arching was astounding, and she was dripping so much that I could have choked if I wasn't careful. She could hardly speak as it was, but she kept going. She tasted so good…I never wanted to stop. I've been famished for her for ages…

"Don't you dare be afraid…don't you dare shy away… Don't focus on…some stupid possibility of me forgetting… I want you to make…our engagement…unforgettable. I want you…to forget about me forgetting…

"But just in case…it comes up and…bothers you… I'm here now. I'm your fiancée…do you know…how good it feels…to say that? To have you…to love me…it's almost…unbearable…"

Her words made me suck harder. Her cries made me drink more. I wanted to cry from every emotion she was giving me. I wanted to just scream to the world that I love her…

And there… Her breaths were almost like pistons. Her nails dug so deep into my hands that I bled. Her throat might have been bleeding for how loud she was crying out. But I loved every second of it… I treasured every sound and feel of her. I cherished this moment with everything we _both_ had…

She almost stayed on her high for an eternity. I wished she'd never have to come back down. I wished she could always stay up there if it meant not risking anything. I just…wanted her to be happy and carefree…

Just as I gave one last flick of my tongue, she calmed down. She almost melted into the table from the way she really seemed to fall back to earth as a completely different person than before. Despite that, she wasted no time in rolling me over and taking her turn.

She was so hungry and relentless that it made me cringe with fulfillment. She practically ripped and tore at me, but I loved it too much to complain. I was crying out in mere seconds, and I felt the heat of her entire body inside of me, not just her breath. I felt everything she felt for me as she channeled it all through her mouth.

I could have died from the pleasure she was giving me. I could have risen to heaven and stayed there forever, right with her if she kept this up. I was definitely getting there in record time, and I'd nearly forgotten how good it all felt…

It felt too good. She felt too good inside of me after so long. I couldn't take it… My head was about to explode from the increasing pressure as I soared higher and higher with her in between me. But she was too good at reading me, it seemed…

Almost in an antagonizing way, she pulled away and had to heave for breaths just as hard as I did. I couldn't even move; the shock of being ripped back down was too much. She threw herself on top of me and held my body tight. It took a lot of willpower for me to find the sense to wrap her in my arms, too.

"I feel like I'm going to…pass out. I just feel so…clean, Fleur. I haven't felt this way in years. But I still get the feeling that…my body's not…done."

"We can worry about zat in due time…for now; don't. You feel better now…and I feel better, too."

"Honestly..?"

"If zings are going right…zen I will no longer 'ave a reason to fear for your life…so…yes."

"Forget about me forgetting."

"It's been forgotten…"

Hermione gave me a stern look, and it hurt. How could I just go on like nothing might happen? I was feeling a high earlier; that helped me to do it before. Ironically enough, feeling her in my arms, breathing normally, and no longer sweating gallons of sweat, made me worry. She could tell, too. I know she could…

"Fleur, you're going to take some time to forget. Right now. When you wake up, I want your old self back. Understood?"

"'Ow are you so damn calm about zis…?"

"I'm n-not! Just go to sleep and forget…"

"'Ermione, please forgive me for sounding like a lovesick idiot, but I'm—"

"Stronger than that."

Somehow, the feel of her lips over mine made me lose all control over myself. I couldn't think anymore. My mind shut down just as my eyes fluttered closed. The last thing I remember doing was reaching out for Hermione, even though she was right in my arms. I heard her speak to me from so far away, even though she was right on top of me.

"Don't let go…"

I chuckled just as a tear escaped my eye before drifting off into a strange slumber. It would be quite the romantic tragedy if anything were to happen to her love for me. But, she said I was strong…and she told me to not let go of her.

A blessing and a curse all of this is… Truly.


	37. Lilting, Liliting Little Star

**A/N**

****Woman. Learn how to post to your LJ with formatting, damnit. Dear God.

~ QC

**XXXVIII. Lilting, Lilting Little Star**

_(Hermione's POV)_

My heart was beating loudly in my ears, but it was actually at a…normal pace. I felt so aware of how good my body was feeling that it should have been a sin. I was especially aware of a familiar pair of lips brushing and giggling and nipping their way across every inch of my face. I smiled and felt around for her face with my own lips, still opting to keep my eyes closed for the hell of it. She giggled again at my sign of being awake and tried to kiss everywhere but my lips. I groaned and she just covered my face with her sheet of hair and kissed the top of my own. She was arched into me; her breasts were poking dangerously close to my nose.

I know I could never tire of hearing her soft laughter, but the teasing was just…hellish. But, the best part was that I was that much aware of how good her skin felt on mine. I was so much more aware of how strong her fingers were, twisting themselves in my hair softly and deftly at the same time. My heart was probably beating loudly because of how close hers was to mine. They might have just been ringing in sync in my ears.

My own fluttered at the thought, and she sighed and trudged her supple lips to my ear. My eyes hardly felt like they were still closed; my eyelids were so light that they might not have been there at all. Just like my head…but in a good way.

"You do realize zat you 'ave been asleep for a few days, non?"

"Mmm…no, I don't. You being this close to me tends to make me not realize quite a lot of things." That lilting laugh. I'll be damned if I ever go a day without letting her melody rise me sky high. And her sigh, cutting the cadence off, cradles me back to earth every single time. I'm so hopeless…

"Well, let's see…I fell asleep ze morning on my bir'zday. Zat was ze seventeenz. Now it is ze day before September first. But I assume you 'ave not woken up since zat morning."

"I can't recall being awake, no…"

"I can. I woke up zat evening. Strangely enough, I 'ave not been worried at all zis 'ole time. But, at ze same time, I 'ave not slept since zen."

"What? How? Why?"

"I don't know. But don't let it worry you. It 'as been fun preening you wizout you waking…very fun indeed."

"Fleur, honestly. You're ridiculous…"

"What? You would smile at me every single time. I zought you were doing it again until you actually tried to kiss me back."

"Is that all you've been doing this time instead of sleeping?"

"Non. Planning, making phone calls, shopping for nozing in particular, and 'aving fun cradling you around ze 'ouse if what I 'ave been up to."

"Cradling me around the…house? Fleur…"

"You big-breasted baby…I know you love it when I baby you. Don't lie…" I burst out laughing just as she held my head in her arms. I just realized that I was lying on the bed, still devoid of clothing. Fleur and the duvet seemed to be quite enough to keep me warm. She was straddling me, swaying us back and forth, humming a familiar song. She surprised me the other night when I found out that she could sing. And in that dream, now that I think about it…

I finally opened my eyes, and my eyelashes batting inside of her ear might have been what made her shiver. I smiled on her neck and kissed her, but I had to restrain myself after hearing her groan. She was trying to tell me something. Damn. I just licked her one last time and waited. She kissed my forehead in thanks, and I smiled again.

"You know…I just realized some'zing. I refuse to wear a dress. I want you to wear one."

"What? Hey! I already made you one!"

"Save it. I will buy you anozzer one. I will buy you any'zing you want."

"You know I'm not materialistic…"

"Oh? You always wear my clothes and shoes wherever we go."

"I shouldn't. All of your pants are too long. Speaking of which, I never moved in properly."

"You may as well 'ave. Zis 'ouse is more yours zan mine. Unless you want to move into a different one."

"No, no…this manor of yours is more than enough. I've chased you around it but I still feel like I don't know where all of the rooms are."

"Mmm…well, it is too big for just me, but if you like it, zen zat is fine. But do you…want to actually move in?"

"Of course. In fact, let me go do it now. You should get some sleep."

"I can't sleep."

"Why..?"

"Let us get you settled before I tell you why. It is nozing to worry about, but I want to just 'ave some'zing to express to you over dinner. And I want you to write in your journal some more, too."

"But—"

"Non. I 'ave probably already burnt some'zing, sitting 'ere wiz you. I am cooking dinner for us now."

She shifted slightly to kiss my forehead again, then winked at me and went back downstairs. Whatever she was cooking didn't burn. If anything, it smelled heavenly. I realized that I was grinning stupidly, probably because of her wink. I rolled my eyes and got up to find something to put on; the last thing I needed was to have Harry and Ron actually see me naked. Just as I reached out to open the door to Fleur's endless closet, I stopped. I looked down at my hand and observed my ring. My heart was ready to bounce out of its cage and melt, just from seeing the rubies and diamonds glinting in the moonlight.

But more than anything, Fleur's affection was shining and twinkling brighter than any star in the sky that night. It was at that moment that I realized she was humming 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' to me earlier…

A tear drowned the ring and any minute doubts I'd ever have about marrying her…

* * *

I don't know how long I was taking, but looking through everything I'd kept over the years was making me feel so nostalgic. Books and letters and awards and old knick-knacks. Even my old wardrobe was at the very back of my closet. The one that Fleur would die of a heart attack if she saw.

I pondered destroying the clothes with my wand as I took them all out and lay them out on my bed, but I was saved the trouble; Ron and Harry came rushing in and did it for me…

"Hideous, hideous! I thought you threw out these things ages ago!"

"No, Ron…I didn't. Thanks for noticing."

"And what about these?" Harry shouted from the closet, pointing fearfully at my collection of old Converse. "You never even wore these back in school."

"Put them in that box by the dresser."

While I sighed over my destroyed clothes, Harry and Ron finally took in their surroundings and realized what I was doing. I walked slowly over to a wall and took down the pictures of the three of us and put them in the box that I motioned to earlier.

"Hermione?"

"Harry."

"First Fleur tells us that you've been knocked out for weeks, now you're doing spring cleaning?"

"No. I'm moving in with her. We're engaged—"

"WHAT?"

"NO WAY!"

"Why didn't she tell us?"

"No bloody wonder she was giggling her hair off when she dropped by!"

"She wasn't even wearing a ring—"

I held out my hand and showed them the ring she gave me, and they nearly jumped out of their skin. I giggled at them; Fleur was doing the exact same thing with her mouth when she realized that I brought her into a room with my entire family in it that day.

"Hermione! Do you know how much that ring costs?"

"No, silly. Why would she tell me—"

"Oh, only about five hundred thousand francs!"

I shrugged and smiled loftily, then floated back over to the wall to continue with what I was doing. I had no idea how they knew how much my ring was, but I don't think it mattered. Ron was still sputtering about some nonsense, and Harry was about ready to break into hysterics if he hadn't already while I finished gathering my things.

"You're not taking everything, are you?"

"No, Ron. I still consider this my home, too."

"So…does this mean you two are going all out? You're really getting married? You're really convinced that she loves you and—"

"I'm cured, Harry. I haven't forgotten a thing, and I love her. I love her, I love her, I love her. I could go on a whole monologue about her, but I'd have you standing there for an eternity and a day."

"Since when did you become such a poet?"

"I don't know…it's that thing she does to me." I smiled at them again and observed my box. Just enough and not too much was inside. I was quite satisfied. Just as I made to bend down and pick it up, Harry and Ron ran to me and held me at the same time for the first time in years. Needless to say, I was blown away by their affection…albeit, I felt it was exaggerated…

"You two…come on, now. I'll be right down the street. I'm hardly ever here anymore to begin with."

"Yeah, b-but…now it's all official. Our Hermione's finally growing up…"

"Ron…"

"He's right. But it's also funny how you both never got engaged. Now you're off to get married to the goddess of the universe…"

"Honestly, stop… You know she and I will be by to visit often. And you're welcome to see us, too. Plus, when do we ever go out without you and the others? We'll be fine."

"But can we just say a few words to the departed?"

"Fine, Harry…"

They let go of me and we all sat down on the floor. Ron was sniffling loudly, and Harry and I couldn't help rolling our eyes and shaking our heads at him. He finally got the hint and cleared his throat after a moment, then spoke up.

"Well, it still hasn't sunk in yet that you two are together and happy. After all this time of you two chasing and running away from each other at the same time, it's just so surreal, you know? It's one thing to accept that you and Fleur are together, but as long as you're happy, Harry and I are happy."

"Yeah. And remember that she's a changed woman for you, Hermione. I've never seen her so happy and giggly. Her voice was lilting more than ever when she spoke to us during her visits. It was like she went on for hours and hours about how wonderful and special you are to her."

"We'd always listen and agree, chiming in with whatever else. She did the same for us. We were literally up all night in morning one day, just talking about you. I feel great that you're with her, you know. She's the Fleur we all knew she was capable of being. The way she'd light up and glow whenever we talked was amazing."

"We don't have any doubts that she's entirely devoted to you. I bet thirty years from now, you'll still be as happy with each other as you are now. So don't you worry about a thing."

They crawled over to me and held me again…and I was just numb with raw emotion. I was very glad to have three best friends in my life…these two, and now Fleur. This was just another moment; another constant reminder to keep Harry and Ron in my life. It was so easy to forget about the rest of the world whenever I was with Fleur. I couldn't even speak. They understood and let go of me, beaming enough to light up the dark room. Harry helped me up and Ron stood and handed the box to me, then clapped me on the back with his paw.

"You'd better get going. She'll think we kidnapped you or something."

All I could do was nod. Harry looked down at the ring on my hand, then back to my eyes and winked. Ron gave me a thumbs up before I nodded and took a deep breath. I winked at them and apparated away before I could tell myself to hesitate.

They were happy for me, and I really appreciate them. More than they could ever know, really…

* * *

Fleur conveniently freed up quite a bit of space in her walk in closet for me. Either that, or she expanded it… That must have been it. The entire thing was like a long hallway with separate rooms for clothes and shoes. The entire left side of rooms was filled with her clothes. The right side was…not empty. There was a note in the first room.

_I hope you don't mind; I got excited and bought you a few things during your beauty sleep. I think I left you enough room for your old clothes, though. But if I find any plad in here, I will hurt you. P.S. – I admit I'm still a little high-maintenance when it comes to certain things. But I should be fine. If I get to be annoying, just let me know, hm?_

I chuckled and took the time to admire the rows of rooms, filled with new clothes and shoes. She really was going all-out with this. I walked slowly down the ivory hallway, savoring every footstep that rung softly in my ears. I felt them lift as I smiled.

"Fleur Isabelle Delacour…you…are…amazing. Simply…amazing."

* * *

I took the time to write like she asked me to. It didn't take very long at all; I was surprised. Just as I finished up, the smell of Fleur's cooking wafted through my nose and made me realize that I was starving.

Even if she wasn't done, I wanted to eat something…

I put my journal away and wandered downstairs, but not failing to notice what she did to said downstairs as I slowly meandered down the spiral in awe, hand just barely glossing over the railing… She enchanted the ceiling and walls to look just like the night sky, stars and all. She had some of the stars 'shooting' about, little by little going round and round with trails that looked a lot like the ones we made with those fire extinguishers. The stairs at my feet slowly faded into the dark sky, and the only way I could tell that there was still a marble floor was because I could see the stars' reflection on it.

And to top it off, Fleur ambled out of the kitchen, looking at me with an eyebrow raised like I only walked in on her working on nothing spectacular. She had a large spoon over her shoulder, thumping her back with her arms folded as she shook her head at me.

"You spoiled ze surprise."

Surprise…? Surprise, Fleur! I couldn't even speak! Let alone move… She sighed and came over and held my hand to lead me into the dining room, and sat me down at a smaller table while she continued bustling about in the kitchen.

The moon was glinting not too far away just above where the chandelier was supposed to be. Well, it was still there. Sort of. It just wasn't very visible.

After more minutes of me gawking at what she did, she came back in with two wine glasses. I saw the date on the bottle while she poured my glass and I nearly squeaked.

"How did you get that? It's nearly two hundred years old!"

"'Ermione, must you know every'zing? First you ruined my ideas by coming down early, and now you are questioning my wine."

I literally wanted to throw the bottle into space and shag her senseless right then, but once she was done pouring her glass, she smiled and rolled her eyes at me before floating away again. I probably had the stupidest look on my face, but she was just so…so…

…something…

But while I was busy trying to find the right word, and, literally, drifting off into space, she ambled back and set a plate of food in front of me and placed her own opposite me. She sat down and stared at me. If I just reached my hand out, I could have touched her.

The stars were shining in her eyes. The moon was giving her an ethereal glow. Her make-up was flawless. Her clothes were spick and span sexy and sharp. Her nails fidgeting up and down on her fork were inch-long and inch-deep in my throat, and were probably the reason why I couldn't speak. Or was it everything else she did for me? I didn't know anymore.

"Will you at least look at your plate? You make me nervous, staring at me like zat."

She made me nervous, saying that. Me, having the power to make her nervous, was flattering beyond belief. But I honestly felt like I was on a first date with a woman who looked more delectable than any meal anyone could ever make. But she put so much work into this…I was being rude. I finally swallowed any other temptations away and looked down at what she made for me.  
I had no idea what it was, but it looked wonderful. It smelled wonderful. She was wonderful. This was wonderful. Why couldn't I think of any other adjective besides wonderful?

"I didn't know you could cook this well…"

"Naturally, love. I would love to cook for you again as long as I know zat ze food will be eaten, and not overlooked to eat me instead."

I laughed and she visibly relaxed. She speared a bit of the dish on my plate and held her fork out for me to eat. I obliged, and she had to heave the fork back out of my mouth; it tasted that good. Hell, I was surprised she was doing this for me in the first place; she hates dinner dates. But this made me almost never want to go out to eat ever again.

"You like?"

"Mmm…mhm…it's too good, though."

"Well, eat up. I 'ave a few zings I'd like to tell you."

I nodded and listened to her carefully, trying my hardest to not lose myself in the amazement of eating such blissful food that she prepared, drinking the wine that was aged to perfection, and being back in our dream with the woman of my dreams. Multi-tasking was a tad difficult, but her serious tone helped me along.

"I called Andre and Astrid and 'ad zem re-open Eyevine. As much money as we 'ave now, I do not want to be foolish and end up spending it all. I am merely zinking from a financial perspective from 'ow much ze wedding costs 'ave been lining up, as much as I'd razzer not 'ave to work again.

"Ze reason why I 'ave not slept all zis time is because I 'ave been worried sick over you not waking up. Kissing you and babying you was all I could do to occupy my time. I bathed you and prayed for you, 'Ermione. Not once did I cry, but I did worry. I worried a lot.

"Maman told me zat it was normal for you to be in a sleep-induced coma for some time after ze cleansing. But I still ached for you to wake. I still yearned to 'ear you laugh again, and to see ze twinkle in your eyes.

"George came by while I 'ad you on ze couch, crawled on top of you like a cat and prying your eyes open like a curious child, wondering why 'er grandmuzzer fell asleep again. I 'onestly felt like a child. 'E just sat wiz me for hours and assured me zat you would wake up.

"And when you finally did…I wanted to be your first memory. I wanted to be all over you just in case some'zing bad 'appened and you wouldn't ever want me to even look at you again. I 'ave been a nervous, 'appy, devastated, giggly wreck all zis time. And I'm sorry if you zink me to be very clingy of you because, merde, I am."

My plate was empty. So was my wine glass. Hers were quite the opposite, just like my insides. She hadn't even touched her fork again, and instead had her elbows on the table, resting her chin on the back of her hands. Again, the look in her eyes was almost deadly…deadly with pure adoration, with a tinge of fear.

She was actually concerned that I would think her silly to treat me the way she did all this time. If anything, I was cursing myself that I wasn't awake to see. But if I kept going on my speechless tirade of gaping at her, she wouldn't feel any better about herself.

"Fleur…I don't really…know what to say."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…I'll stop all of zis if you want. I'll return ze clothes and ze shoes and ze car—"

"Car?"

"Oui. I bought you a car. But I can just give it to someone else if you don't want it—"

I couldn't take it anymore; I finally reached out and cupped her sinfully smooth face in my hands and brought her lips to mine. The self-destruction and modesty and shyness were so unbecoming of her. Honestly. But at the same time, I just thought it was so damn adorable…

Before I got ahead of myself, I pulled away and sat in my seat properly. She was staring at me, and I felt myself blushing. My very spirit felt like it was warming up inside of me, just seeing her like this. She really was going all out for me, and I felt like a criminal for being the recipient of all of her love and energy. It was so unfair to the rest of the world, but whatever.

"You're still…nervous?"

"Oui…"

"Laugh for me…"

"Hm?"

"You heard me. Go on."

"Why?"

"Do it for me. It'll help you feel better."

She took a sip of her wine to obviously bide her time, and ended up drinking about half the glass before she finally took her eyes off of me and set it down. I know she was trying to calculate me, but I was just smiling. I know she probably felt silly, but I wanted to see that innocent smile on her face again.

Laughter was still hard to come by for her, it seemed. I just closed my eyes and sighed, still smiling as I stood and walked behind her. It was odd to walk in the middle of outer space, save for the reflection of everything on the marble floor. But I still helped her from her chair and held her around her waist. I still walked with her, my face right in between her shoulder blades, off into the span of stars and sky.

"Hey, listen to me. I know it's still a bit of an adjustment for you. It's okay. As long as you're not trying to hide it, then I'll help you through it every time.

"But do you know how sweet you are to me? You're so good to me, Fleur. All of this…it's amazing. You really know how to make my body stop working when you surprise me. That song you were humming…I know what it was. I had no idea that it was foreshadowing.

"The clothes and the shoes…and even the car…I love them. Thank you. Thank you for babying me and worrying over me and bathing me and praying for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you."

I turned her around and held her hand in one of my own, and put my other on her shoulder. She looked so confused, even with me smiling and chuckling up at her. I rolled my eyes and put her free hand on my waist, then moved my own back to her shoulder.

And without a second thought, we both fell into a waltz. It was completely random, but at least I got her to smile. It was so arbitrary, but at least I got her to laugh.

That absolutely divine laugh that made my heart melt…

"You can be a little girl with me, you know. You can have that childish innocence and not worry about a thing with me. Just be yourself. Shine. I want you to be happy, alright?"

"You're so perfect for me…'ow could I not be?"

"I don't know, and I'd rather not find out."

I had to get on the tips of my toes as we spun around, but I was all too pleased to be kissing her where we were and how we were… I wished we never had to stop. Pure bliss and cosmic excitement…that was my Fleur. It made me giddy just thinking of it. Her laughter in my mouth made me shine. My laughter washing her silly worries away made her…her.


	38. Late Pampering

_**XXXIX.**__ Late Pampering_

(Fleur's POV)

After Hermione made me shovel down every last bite of food on my plate, she led us over to the carpeted stairs. She sat down on them next to the railing and leaned against it, with me sitting in her lap, arms wrapped around her neck. I buried my face in her neck while she sighed.

We never really had that talk.

"Fleur, I want you to know something about me. Everything, really. It's just a little funny that we've never done the whole get-to-know you thing. I've always thought I knew you well enough, and that you knew enough about me. But I guess we still have some holes to fill.

"I don't mind that you like buying me so many things. I don't mind that you love to do things like this to impress me. Really. In fact, I encourage you to do it more often. I'm just not used to it, I guess.

"The men I've called myself dating over the years would never have been this sweet to me. Not even Ron. I don't know what I was thinking during those years, but I was just so hell-bent on getting over you. Some of them were even married, you know.

"I know what they wanted, but I went along on the dates just to chastise myself and to tease them. It's a little hard to even believe that I did that, let alone that I stopped because of you…the very reason that I started to begin with.

"But I guess it may be in part because you're a woman. I'm a woman. Sometimes I feel awkward calling myself that, even though I'm turning twenty-nine this year. Just because we're both intelligent doesn't mean that we're completely secure with who we are. I most certainly am not. I know you're not; you've shown me that.

"But am I going to sit here and chastise you? No, silly…of course not. Never again will I make the mistake of judging you or anyone else based on the way they look or act. I can't judge you. Even just taking the time to sit here, and knowing that you're listening to me, is proof enough that you don't judge me, either. I hope things stay this way.

"I remember years ago, I used to sit inside of myself and wonder why I keep going. When Ron left me to be with Harry, I couldn't say that I was devastated. I was actually relieved. I felt so horrible for feeling that way, so I guess it balanced out. But then I started to think that something was wrong with me. It was like I just went with Ron because he was the only one desperate enough to have me.

"I think…that was what fooled me into liking him. He was the only one who played that game of teasing and bickering with the girl to flirt with her when it came to me. No one else showed me any kind of affection beyond a friendly manner besides Viktor. I tried to convince myself that I didn't care, but I did. It was why I went with Ron. But it was also why I felt no shame over not feeling anything over the break-up – I would have been lying to myself.

"And then you came floating along and infected me… You wanted me to grow up and do something about myself, didn't you? That's why you looked at me the way you did; you hated seeing me like that. It's funny that you were the only one who could see so deep inside of me when all I ever did was put walls around myself.

"Fleur, I don't want you to think that this love of ours isn't genuine. If anyone claims otherwise, I want you to do whatever you can to change their mind. I noticed your beauty right at that same second, yes, but I would have fallen in love with you regardless. I just wonder if you would love me if I never…changed for you."

"…I don't know if I would. But it took all of that to make me realize zat I want you as you are now. You know 'ow to let your mind click from one stage to ze next. It is not a sporadic zing zat is eating you alive anymore. But love is love no matter what, 'Ermione. I love you now, despite what we 'ad to go zrough to test us."

"As odd as I sound…I'd love it if you told me that every day. Somehow. In different ways, or in similar ways with just a few tweaks here and there."

"You need zat security?"

"Yes."

"Funny 'ow you 'ave no shame admitting it."

"As long as you don't think I'm stupid or something, I won't."

"Non…of course not. To be 'onest, I felt stupid when I wrote zat first letter to you. I am not used to pouring out my every zought and feeling, especially not on paper. It's just a detachment I 'ave wiz myself and ozzers."

"You never talk to Gabrielle or the others?"

"Not like zis. Gabrielle is always zere to give me rage whenever I need it. Antoinette is usually ze one I talk to when I just want to talk and 'ave someone listen to me. Ze twins, I usually shy away from talking to because zey are so strong. I am ashamed sometimes zat I feel certain feelings. I come off as strong like zem, and zey are probably good at acting, too.

"And…Draco. He is usually just around to give me rage as well. But in a more vulgar way; you know 'im. I don't know, 'Ermione. I feel stupid for feeling zings sometimes. But zen I sit and wonder if it really would be in my favor to be emotionless. I wouldn't feel any'zing for you. I wouldn't love you.

"But I 'ave you to confide in now. Zat is what I need, even zough I would never admit it to anyone else. I would 'ave no problems whatsoever screaming to ze world zat I love you, but I would 'esitate forever if I also 'ad to tell zem zat you 'ave seen my weaknesses. You are a weakness of mine. But I guess zat is love – I just don't care what you do to me as long as you make me feel better at ze end of it all."

"And that is exactly…what I needed to hear right now."

I wanted to lift my head up to look at her properly, but she just kissed the top of mine and rested her face on my hair. I wanted to crawl into a ball and roll away from her at the same time, though. It was so hard…doing this. But her arms holding me tight were saying otherwise.

I felt my veins go cold. But my heart felt warm. It was beating against my eyes, trying to push my tears out. It was one thing to tell her all of that; I didn't want to start crying, too. It was another thing that I felt torn with my emotions, though. She was there to be my crying bear, to hold whenever and to cry on whenever. No, she was here now.

I just kept thinking back to those times when I felt so horrible that she was still asleep. I nearly told her my life story while I held onto her for her own life. It was so easy to whisper everything to her when she was like that; there, but not listening.

Well, I was just going to have to pretend like she wasn't here right now, because I needed to get used to this.

"It's 'ard for me to…adjust. But I will anyway. Even zough you're alright now, I still zink we're ze same person, in a sense. All of zese allusions and symbols of mirrors and glass and reflections over zis past year are almost unnerving.

"I don't know 'ow you dealt wiz ze changes, to be 'onest. It's scary zat I was flattered by you being more like me because you were ill. It's disturbing zat you seduced me wiz your erratic be'avioral problems. But I did see myself whenever I would look at you, 'Ermione. Ze constant drive to not come off as weak in front of me, ze constant need to be strong for me whenever I would run away, and always coming right back to me like a boomerang…

"I 'ate it when people see past ze glass walls I put up, too. I 'ate zat wherever I go, I see ze real me in a wall before I can go too far. But once I broke you zrough ze biggest one, and jumped right out of it wizout a second zought, zat is what did it for me…

"I never got ze chance to tell you zis, but you 'ave done a lot of zings to me. Zings zat I zought were bad back in December. You do every'zing imaginable to me by just looking at me, even now. You wrack my brain and wrench my 'eart in ways zat make me feel loved and 'urt at ze same time, 'Ermione. Loved because of 'ow much you love me. But 'urt because I find myself needing you. Not just needing, but needing you…

"When I touch you, I feel so…'appy…inside. Mmm…do you remember zat song? Our song, per'aps. I want to 'old your 'and by…Across ze Universe. Remember? It was playing on ze radio on your bir'zday. And look where we are now…"

I was about to move my head again, but I stopped. Neither of us needed to say anything anymore. It was rather relieving to know that she knew everything I wanted to say for so long. It felt good that I could tell her.

But it also felt almost too good that her tears were cascading down my head like the sweat of the toils of this creation of ours. I know I said I never wanted to make her cry again, but this was another good cry for her.

"You remember I told you it's alright to cry. I know you 'ave been secretly frustrated wiz so many zings for so long. Just let it all out, hm? I don't mind at all…"

I promised myself at that moment to shower her with everything I could afford, tangible or otherwise, from now on. I promised her the best year of her life. While we needed these moments sometimes, I didn't want this to be the focus. I wanted to see her smiling, and hear her laughing.

But there was a melody in my heart; the sound of her crying. It swayed around, danced, and knocked around everything I had in there. I think it might have been how she was shuddering. I think it was the way she started rocking me back and forth and holding me tighter than before. The way it sounded like it was paining her to cry, the way she was getting it all out like I asked her to…it should have made me cry, too. But I didn't…

I wasn't pretending to be strong anymore; I honestly felt like I was. Even though the bottom of my chin by my throat was prickling dangerously, I just took a deep breath and tried to keep my voice level.

"I'm your man, 'Ermione. I 'ave promised you so many zings, and I'm not going back on my word. Ever. I know 'ow 'ard it is to keep up an image, even if just to yourself. 'Iding be'ind false exteriors, teasing, flirting…zat is what we used to be – coquettes. But not anymore. I'll flirt wiz you now just to flirt. I'll tease you now just to tease.

"Zank you so much for zis. I know I should be crying, but I can't. You told me not to, as well. I love 'ow close we are now. I'll never forsake zis. I'll never forsake you. You can be a child wiz me, too. Don't you worry…"

And that is when her tears stopped and mine began. She kissed my head one last time before leaning back and closing her eyes.

Hermione fell asleep there that night, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I was scared that she wouldn't wake up again. I was scared that she would let go of me…

But, more than anything, I was scared of myself. I was afraid that I would let go of everything I learned about her that night if I let her go. If I let myself drift off, I wouldn't dream of her holding me in her arms. I don't know…it was complicated.

The life of an adult is supposed to be complicated. But she and I were so simple now. I didn't need her to kiss my lips to tell me that she loved me. This was more than enough. This is what a child would be satisfied with from her mother…

"And I never 'ad zat…but you did. Zank you for showing me what zis feels like…zank you so much."


	39. Little Problems

_**XL.**__Little Problems_

(Fleur's POV)

Back at work at long last. It felt so ominous to be in my office again. But do you know what the most ironic thing about all of this is?

I blasted Hermione out of that window on February 17th of this year. We're to be wed on February 17th of the year coming up. I honestly wanted to just bury my head in my hands and laugh.

There were just a few itsy bitsy things that were keeping me from laughing, though. Sure, sales have skyrocketed once I started the production lines back up. Demand is high, supply is high, and sales are higher. But…hell.

Hermione fell into another deep sleep. And, again, it's been two weeks since she's woken up as far as I know. Well, two weeks and a few days, really. A special certain amount of days…

Today is her birthday. And she won't wake. She doesn't smile at me in her sleep anymore. She's breathing normally and her temperature is fine. No odd habits. But, sometimes, I wish she would have them. I wish she would wank herself for me, just to soothe me. I don't know where this drive of mine came from, but it's been so tempting to just do her while she's asleep.

I'm completely hopeless and sleep-deprived. I haven't slept in over a month. I haven't thought about anything but Hermione. I almost threw a tantrum when the enchantment in the living and dining rooms wore off the other day.

My board can't tell. Astrid can't, either. No one can tell that I'm miserable and irritated. More than anything, they think that I'm finally back to normal. I've gone back to my bossy self, giving orders and making nit picky remarks every this way and that. My employees have been working their asses off to please me, but it's just not enough.

I try to tell myself that it is, but it's just not working at all. I feel so lifeless. Dead. I can't sleep because I'm so paranoid that I'll miss seeing her eyes. If I'm not downloading more music for us, I'm watching porn on TV. If I'm not writing emo messages to myself in my journal, I'm drinking cup after cup of soda and coffee. It's entirely too unhealthy, but I've been going out to run, too. I'll just run to the middle of nowhere sometimes while I listen to my iPod, but I'd only ever get just there – nowhere.

I haven't told anyone that she won't wake. Gabrielle and the others have been blowing my phone up, obviously wanting to ask if we're going out tonight or not. I don't want to. I don't want to do anything but make my hands stop shaking. My palms are going to cut open from my nails digging into them all the time…

What did I do wrong? What happened to her? Why is this happening? She can't be forgetting everything right this second, can she? Impossible…no. No, no, NO!

Why the hell won't she wake up?

"FUCK!"

My nails dug through my scalp and I ruffled up my hair in frustration while I screamed. This was too goddamn much. I've only seen her eyes for one night in an entire month. It was her fucking birthday, for crying out loud!

But noooo. I had to be calm and composed. I had to set the example for my employees. But the sun had gone down moments ago. This familiar lighting glinting in my eyes, mocking me with Hermione's shadow on the chair, on my desk, on my door…out my window… I hated it. I hated it all.

I wanted to just burn all of the papers on my desk. I wanted to burn this whole building. None of it mattered if I couldn't spend my hard earned money on an awake Hermione who loved me. I lost my passion for this industry the second she walked out of that door after her interview…

She stole it from me, and melded it into an unquenchable desire for her instead. She spun me right around and showed me the entire world with just the touch of her hand. She wove me into a web of confusion and doubt with who I thought I believed myself to be. And now, here I am, fighting with myself, yet again, in this sticky mess.

My little problem of being addicted to her.

My cell phone rang. I fumbled around and retrieved it from my pocket, but it wasn't Hermione. It was Draco. I just shouted obscenities and threw it at the door, but I was surprised that the door opened and revealed the man in the flesh. My phone hit him square on the brim of his nose, but I couldn't laugh. My eyes were too heavy, and my mouth certainly was too tight to do anything but throw outbursts.

"What the fuck, Fleur? This is the first time I see you in weeks, and you greet me by throwing your sobbed-on phone at me?"

"I did not sob on it, goddamnit. Now give it 'ere."

"Tch. Pissy little bitch tonight, aren't you?"

"I'm not your bitch, but I certainly am one, if it'll make you feel any better about yourself."

He snorted and placed my phone on my desk before sitting down on the table instead of the chair. I made to push him off; only Hermione could do that. But I was too weak. He just grabbed my wrists and threw them back at me. I felt like squirming like a baby, and I know he could tell.

"What do you want, Draco?"

"I want to talk to you. You haven't answered your phone in weeks."

"No shit."

"Where's your fiancée?"

"At 'ome."

"And why isn't she here? Why hasn't she been answering her phone? Don't tell me you're arguing with her—"

"Just shut ze fuck up, damnit. She's in a coma. I don't know why. I didn't do any'zing to 'er besides 'cure' 'er on my bir'zday. You're not 'elping any, so I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave. I'm sick of you. I'm sick of myself."

"Look at yourself. Listen to yourself. You clothes are sharp as ever, but why's your hair a mess? And you sound like an obsessive pig. Why reduce yourself to this over her?"

"Because I only love her with every'zing I 'ave, Draco! Because I never truly realize what I 'ave until it's gone, just like she said! I'm so sick of zis stupid illness. I don't care what I look like or 'ow I sound if she's not awake to see or 'ear me."

"Fleur…everyone's worrying their heads off over you two. You're never home to answer the door, and I lost the bet and had to risk my neck to actually come see you here. Now will you shut up with your grief and move on—"

I stood up and slapped him so hard that he fell off of the table, knocking over all of my stacks of papers, my phone…but not once did any ounce of my pent-up frustration leave me. Not even the sound of him hitting the floor with a loud thump could help me at all. The only thing that kept me from crying was her words that seemed like she uttered to me so long ago…to not cry…

He didn't say a word. He was smart to just curl up down there and be quiet. I looked down at him with contempt. I wanted to scream at him and trample him. I wanted to hurt him so bad for telling me such a damn thing…

"Draco, you 'ave never truly been in love. Don't tell me what to do. Don't tell me what to feel, what to say, or 'ow to look at ze world around me. You don't know what it's like to feel sky high wiz your love in your arms, kissing you and waltzing wiz you one night. You don't know what it's like to be ripped down from zat ecstasy ze next morning when she won't wake up because of some'zing you did to 'er.

"Just…don't. Let me be. Wallowing seems to be ze closest zing I 'ave to actually 'earing 'er voice right now. I don't care if I'm not acting or sounding like myself. 'Ermione is me…

"And wizout 'er, I may as well be dead. Don't try to manipulate me. Don't try to console me. I don't need you. I don't need anyone but 'er."

"Well if you're just so dilly dally with her, why don't you hand over what's rightfully mine?"

I walked over to him and shoved my heel in his stomach. He just balled up even more and coughed, but I literally wanted to just spit on him. The nerve of this slimy bastard…he still wanted my company back in his clutches.

"You can 'and over our so-called friendship if respecting my wishes is less important to you zan old grudges. Go screw yourself. Get out of 'ere before I blast you out of zat window a second time. I'll be sure to kill you zis time if you'd like."

"Hmph. You deranged maniac. Always resorting to violence and manipulation to achieve your goals. I bet you'll be in for a rude awakening when your innocent little baby wakes up and doesn't want you to call her your bitch anymore."

"And you just don't know when to shut up."

"Oh, I do. It's just fun to piss you off and get a reaction out of you."

"I suggest you leave before I give you your last reaction out of anyone or any'zing."

He heaved his sorry self from my floor and glared at me. I didn't feel anything threatening in his grey eyes. I just wanted him to get out. He snorted at me after looking me up and down, brushed himself off, and disapparated away.

I felt weighed down without anything to take out my anger on anymore. With a flick of my wand, my office rearranged itself, and I pocketed my phone. I, too, left in a loud pop.

I needed to have a heart-to-heart with someone at the moment…

* * *

"'Ermione…am I really such an 'orrible monster? Am I really so violent and manipulative? I don't really know…"

I prepared a bath for us. I had her sitting straight up, and I was holding her with my head buried in her neck. I chose to not have any lights on…instead, I just had our song playing. I enchanted the ceiling this time, but I just couldn't look at it. I had my eyes shut, focusing hard on the sound of her breathing.

"You've never 'ad to worry about what people zink of you, hm? You never cared. Or at least you tried to tell yourself not to care, like you said. But zis…it's just too much. I felt so good while you were awake zat night, love. Too good…

"I feel so stupid for saying zis, but maybe it's because I don't deserve you. I don't deserve any'zing but zis. You being so close to me and so far away from me at ze same time. I 'ate it. I 'ate myself."

I shifted slightly to look up at her; she was still soundly asleep. I shook her shoulders gently in vain. I don't know why I was doing it…I don't know why I was still on with this pointless banter of mine…

"'Ermione…wake up… Wake up…"

I bit my lip and shut my eyes to stop the tears that suddenly stung my eyes. I sighed and kissed hers instead. What did that stand for now? Calm down my sweet, I still love you. Or was it like she made it believe – stop crying and let me screw you for my enjoyment? No…

It was the little thing that she did that made me believe the best lie of my life. Even if it did turn into a truth over time, it never would have if I didn't give her a chance…

"It's our anniversary and you're not even awake… Please, open your eyes. Smile. Laugh at me for being so pitiful. Scoff at me. Scowl. Hit me. Kiss me. Do some'zing!"

Nothing…

I kissed her nose. I kissed her adorable cheeks. Her forehead. Her ears. Her neck. And finally…her lips. But it just wasn't the same…

I gave up and went back to clutching her body instead. I couldn't take it anymore; I cried again like a baby. I wailed and wept and sobbed every ounce of water in my body while I had my eyes shut against her neck. I had my eyes wide shut to hide from the world because Hermione was not there with me. I couldn't face anyone or anything like this.

The company might as well be destroyed. My so-called friends may as well be dead. I may as well be dead…

Just as I thought that, she stopped breathing. I jumped and shook her, but that only made her inhale sharply once, then stop breathing again. No, no, no…I couldn't let her go. It was far too soon… But what could I do besides this? What if nothing works? What if she dies…?

Why the hell was this happening to her? Why couldn't she just be awake and healthy? It was just one damn thing after another, all the time, and I couldn't take it anymore…

What could I do…?

I shook her again, but she just wouldn't inhale or exhale at all. I felt so useless…just crying on her. Why her? Why us? Why now?

I guess if there couldn't be any her or us, then there wouldn't be any now for me…I felt myself slipping and giving up without caring. I was breaking a thousand promises, but I had no will to keep myself from moving my head to her lap one last time, even if it was underwater…

I felt…happy down here. It's that thing she does to me. I held her hand in both of mine and held it to my face while I lay down under the water. I don't know how or when, but I eventually drifted off to sleep. Her hand was so full of life even though she wasn't for some reason…

It made me feel happy, too. She does such crazy little things to me. It was amazing…


	40. Lick Him For Me

_**XLI.**__Lick Him for Me_

(Hermione's POV)

"A wing and a prayer - that's all you need. Don't you see her shining down on you, but sending rain clouds over everyone else because you're not awake? Don't you see her trying to fly down to you? Don't you hear her praying for you? Wake up before your flower wilts…"

My hand felt so…warm…

I felt like oxygen came flowing into my lungs at that very second, almost like I didn't have any for ages. I must not have been breathing just now. I looked down and immediately jumped up and held Fleur in my arms; she was under water… Drowning herself… Why? Why, why, why? Oh, God…

I carried her and lay her down on the rug. She was bathing me again… But why did she try to…

I couldn't panic now…no. I shook my head and looked around; her wand was right on the counter. I grabbed it and pointed it at her throat with a shaking hand, praying that this would work…

"Anapneo!"

She coughed and sputtered for a moment, and I sighed and threw myself on top of her. But not once did she put her arms around me like she should have. I was heaving slightly as I removed myself from her and put my hands at either side of her.

I would have started panicking again, but a simple gesture of her moving her nails as close to my hand as possible and giving me a small smile was enough. I teared up a bit and moved my free hand to her face and caressed her, even though I wanted to slap her for being so foolish…

"Maybe now you can have your…forgetting sleep, hm? I promise you I'll be patient. Take your time."

She nodded and I just now opened my ears; our song was playing. I looked up; she enchanted the ceiling… I cried even harder, but she just shook her head and finally held my entire hand in hers…

"'Appy bir'zday, 'Ermione… What are you…twenty-nine? I suggest you…act like it…"

And as she drifted off to sleep, I laid with her on the floor, sobbing and smiling at the same time. She had our song playing. No wonder my hand felt so warm. This woman really does love me to death…

Literally.

* * *

I don't know if I should…worry or not. I mean, I know I told her to take the time to sleep and forget, but…she's taking a little too much time.

I spent most of my time with my nose buried in my journal. Even while I was writing, I couldn't help taking a moment to look at her face properly. There might have been a chance she was awake and watching me write as I laid so close to her. I had my head on her chest again, like I've been doing all day every day, for the past…month.

Apolline and Lionel came over in a heartbeat when I had Gabrielle ask them if they knew anything about this. All they told me was that it was to my favor, and that I shouldn't disturb her. She's not in a coma, no. It was just what I asked of her – a sleep for release. I know she was supposed to have it that morning of her birthday, and I guess this is another reason why she hasn't been able to sleep at all since then…

Everyone's been taking turns to come visit us, but to be honest, I wish they wouldn't. Every time I feel like being alone to just cry, Harry comes knocking on the door. Every time I get an urge to shake Fleur awake, George calls me. And every bloody time I just want to scream to the gods to let Fleur open her beautiful eyes, Malfoy comes along to just spit hot air in my face.

And he was doing just that as he paced around the bedroom, turning his nose up at all of Fleur's perfume on the dresser…

"God, you'd think the woman would be insulting herself, owning all of this eau du toilet rubbish. What's this? Britney Spears, right next to Michael Kors! She can't be serious—"

"Malfoy, I appreciate your kindness by coming to visit for our well-being, but I'd really appreciate you a hell of a lot more if you just shoved your sputtering up your ass. I haven't listened to a thing you said for the past ten minutes."

"Touchy, aren't we?"

"What the bloody hell do you think?"

"Your fiancée is breathing, isn't she? Why so anal?"

"Because I wish she could be breathing in between my legs right now, Malfoy. That's why!"

"Whoa, whoa, TMI—"

"NO. You asked, and now I'm answering you! I wasn't expecting her to be the one to pass out after this! So what if I don't feel like my natural temperature probe's been ripped out of my body? So WHAT if I can finally breathe normally? My mind feels like it's going to crack open right now, Malfoy. And you're not helping one bloody bit."

"Stand up."

"What?"

"You heard me, get over here. Fleur's aroma is making your head all funny."

"Bullshit, Malfoy."

"Come on, now."

I snorted at him then looked at Fleur; she was still dozing serenely. But I really didn't know what else to do besides mope, so I shook my head and got up and walked over to Malfoy. I should have been wearing more than a tank top and short shorts, but I didn't really care about anything. If it wasn't the sound of Fleur's inhales and exhales, if it wasn't the sight of the tiny smile on her face, and if it wasn't the playful bit of silvery-blonde roots of hers glimmering in the moonlight, I didn't care about it.

I guess it was showing as I stood right in front of Malfoy and looked up at him. He could see the pain in my hard eyes. He could see that I wished his hair weren't so blonde. I wanted my man standing in front of me right now, not this one.

Even if he wasn't sneering or smirking, I still hated him for being the closest thing resembling Fleur that I'm able to look at. Seeing Gabrielle every now and then seemed to be too much for me.

"Now tell me what you've been doing if not sulking over your love bird."

"…planning for our wedding, what else?"

"And how's that going?"

"We're due to marry on February 17th of next year. I picked out a church, since she mentioned off-handedly that she wanted to get married like most Muggles do. And…I called caterers; food's taken care of. Music and flowers is next on my list…"

"You don't sound very happy about it."

"You wouldn't, either."

"So you have four months until she slips that rock on your finger. But you don't have to wait four months to see those blue rocks of hers. Stop beating yourself up."

"Why are you trying to console me? Why are you even here?"

"Because I'm not very happy about your engagement. That's why."

I did a double-take and swallowed. Did he just say what I think he did? He clenched his jaw and ran a hand across his slicked-back hair and sighed. I wasn't sure if this was good that he was breaking down his own walls, but at least I'd finally be able to answer Fleur's questions about him if I kept this going.

But I still couldn't deny that this was…entirely too strange.

"And just why not, exactly?"

"Promise we can use our little pact of secrecy with this?"

"…alright. Now what is it?"

"How long have you two been dating?"

"Thirteen months."

"And now that you're cured, you still feel like you love her?"

"My mind may as well explode from being able to lie to me so well if I don't."

"So your disease didn't make you fall in love with her."

"No. I made me fall in love with her. She did. The disease just made me obsessed with her."

"And I bet you a million Galleons that she wouldn't have fallen in love with you if you didn't change on account of your illness."

"What the hell does it matter? She loves me now, and that's ALL that matters! If you think you can come in here to play the mind game card with me, then you may as well leave. I've been stressing my hair out for the past month, and you are not helping!"

"Have you switched on the telly at all this month?"

"…I have."

"Not to watch the news, I assume."

"…no."

"What have you been watching?"

"Not the news, obviously." More like porn. He'd live without this information.

"Well, you should turn it on for a minute."

I scowled at him and retrieved the remote to turn on the plasma screen. Luckily, my usual programming wasn't on, but I quickly flipped it to the news just in case he was familiar with the channel. They were outside in the dark, braving the rain and making a report outside of a house, it seemed. It looked like a very nice house, with two nice cars out front.

Wait a minute…

"Reports are saying that Fleur Delacour is still incapacitated in her home, where her fiancée, Hermione Granger, best friend of Harry Potter who defeated He Who Must Not Be Named, is tending to her. The media has been in a state of confusion – records are showing that Miss Delacour has been paying officials to not look into her life for the past seven years.

"Luckily, it's been leaked that she and the famous fashion icon, witch extraordinaire, braniac, and astoundingly beautiful Hermione Granger is to be wed to Miss Delacour some time next year. The two have grown to be legends overnight for the LGBT community – the amazing mind of Miss Granger meeting fashion tycoon and beauty goddess Fleur Delacour in such a way is mind-blowing.

"Miss Granger is currently Vice President of Delacour's company, Eyevine, centered in the heart of Paris. She has not lost her edge with her magical prowess at all – any attempts for us to approach their home all day have been thwarted by enchantments.

"But please, Miss Granger, if you are watching this – the country, no, the world is dying to know the cause of your fiancée's illness. If anyone else has any information, please call—"

I turned the TV off and threw the remote on the floor. What the hell? Do people not have lives anymore? I did put the enchantment on the house to keep anyone but our friends from being able to get inside. But Malfoy failed to inform me that helicopters and hundreds of people were milling about my home, out in the rain, in vain hopes of getting a slice of information that had nothing to do whatsoever with their well-being.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me that the entire block was filled with news reporters and nosy onlookers?"

"I didn't want to wilt your flower even more. Besides, you probably wouldn't have believed me."

"What flower, Malfoy?"

He pointed to Fleur. But it was just an odd coincidence that the voice in my head that night was essentially saying the same thing…but I didn't quite…realize that Malfoy had his arms wrapped around my waist…?

"What…are you doing?"

"I'm showing you my disapproval."

"Why don't you just tell me why you don't disapprove and let go of me?"

"Alright and no. Just listen to me - I want you two to get married. I just wish you didn't love her."

"That doesn't make any sense. Why would I marry her if I don't love her?"

"To get back at her, of course."

"There's nothing to get back at her for, Malfoy. And will you let go of me? You're making me uncomfortable."

He let go of me for a split second, spun me around and shook me by my arms. I was too shocked to do anything but stare up at him wildly. He had this desperate look in his eyes. I couldn't even think. I couldn't react.

His words did nothing to help me, either.

"Granger, I must have you."

"Wh-what?"

"You owe my ass a kiss. Remember our little deal for your stupid questions? I kept count, now it's your turn to deal."

"NO! You know I don't feel that way about you—"

"I don't feel that way about you, either. I think of you that way. I thrive on you being that way. If someone as hellish as Fleur could fuck up her whole life, torture you in hiding for over thirteen years, but end up finally getting some ass from her ex-victim for a whole thirteen months, I should be able to, too."

"Fleur's changed, you bastard. She deserves me now. I deserve her, and I'm not one to be victimized by anyone! Now let go of me—"

"But you want to get revenge. You said so yourself. Reality's come to bite you in the ass – Fleur still has things to hide if she's been paying people to cover up her life. She's ashamed of you. She's ashamed that you can tame her. But most of all, she's ashamed that it's a woman the world knows she's going to marry, and not a man. Not me."

"She is not!"

"Yes. She. Is. Don't you remember the lessons I taught you about her? Don't you remember what Antoinette and I told you about her? Do you even remember, or know, what she can do to herself when she runs away from things for so long?

"She is a compulsive liar. She shapes her life based on how much she lies to herself. Smash those walls with those outrageous breasts of yours and you've got her running and crying, with her not knowing how or why she got her eyeliner or legs to run in the first place.

"Believe me - I want you to marry her so you'll see what I'm talking about. You're a stubborn mule; you wouldn't believe that the sky was blue unless I dragged you outside and showed you, just because I'm Malfoy to you. But if that's what it takes to save you from any more misery with this illness, then so be it.

"I actually care about you. But I can and will use you to achieve my ends if need be. I always get what I want, and that includes you. Fleur doesn't deserve to even look at you. All she deserves is to be able to grovel at your feet. You're too good for her…Hermione. You are out of her league."

Some time during his speech, he let go of me. I was still glowering at him. I couldn't believe his effrontery! She and I have been tried and tested time after time, over and over again, continuously for the past year.

I was not going to stand here and let him shatter my every belief in Fleur to pieces…especially not in her presence. Especially not with her sleeping right behind me, with no stability or peace of mind for me as to when she'll wake up…

Especially not after she nearly killed herself because I wasn't breathing…

"Draco Malfoy, I've always hated you because you are a spoiled snobby brat. It's always about you, you, you. You think you're saving me from something, but I don't need you to be my Superman. After our history, it's pretty hard to believe that you'd want me to be safe or happy.

"People change. I'll give you some credit and admit the same for you, but for all I know, you may as well be lying to me. I don't give a damn how you could suddenly want me all to yourself, just because Fleur owns my ass and not you. For all that she's supposedly done to you, I can damn well say that you deserve it if anything you've uttered to me tonight had a double meaning.

"Fleur is not going to hurt me; she has not lied her feelings for me into her heart. Her soul, even. Don't try to use your empty words to convince me of anything else. Don't you fucking dare…"

"She's got you bad, Granger. Doesn't that bother you? Doesn't that just crack your pride in two?"

"No. I love her. There is no pride or shame with us. I could scream my love to her to the world and she'd be flattered by it. She could drag me around by the hair anywhere she pleased as long as she glowed of love for me. It doesn't make me cringe. It makes me honestly feel loved for the first time in my life.

"I told you to stop trying with me. I suggest you start now before you find your ass bleeding, and not from me kissing it."

"Quite the admirable resolve you have—"

"I said STOP trying, Malfoy. Just shut up."

"Ahh, I'm pissing you off now, am I?"

"What the hell do you think? You're disrespecting Fleur and I in our home!"

"Fuck her. And fuck you too if you don't believe me. I could keep on disrespecting you for as long as it takes for you to believe me, you stupid tramp—"

Blood spattered on the carpet and my shirt; Fleur was awake and swiftly moved to my side and punched the hell out of the bastard harder than either he or I could believe. Malfoy was practically whimpering on the floor, his jaw and nose broken, and casual suit and dubious face drenched with his lies and blood. He cringed and held his face with both hands as tears streamed down his face…

Despite how squeamish the blood made me, looking over and seeing Fleur nursing her hand, glaring thousands of broken shards at him through her eyes, made me feel so…comforted.

"What the fuck do you zink you're trying to do, you son of a bitch! I knew you were trying to use 'Ermione to get back at me! Don't even try to lie your way out of zis. I've been awake ever since you zought it would be funny to insult my choice of perfume.

"I knew you'd do zis. I knew you'd slip up right in front of my face like zis. Because you're an arrogant little boy, you zink it would make it seem like you actually 'ave a set if you were to finally say every'zing you've been dying to 'ide wiz me in ze same room. You zought it would be funny if maybe I'd even 'ear 'Ermione's 'esitations if she were to believe you.

"But now you know what ze reality is, Draco. I can't even wake up to my fiancée and assure 'er zat I'm fine wizout you 'ere to fuck wiz 'er 'ead. We can't even 'ave ze room to ourselves wizout you in 'ere, slizering around like a sore snake, trying your damndest to constrict my 'Ermione wiz your stupid lies.

"You don't know 'oo I am anymore. 'Ermione is 'onestly ze only one 'oo does. Sometimes I don't. Zat is indeed why I run sometimes. But goddamnit, she's ze only one 'oo knows what to do whenever ze 'ell I'm confused. She's ze only one 'oo would chase me across ze universe and back just to tell me even once zat she loves me!

"If your goal in life is to take zat liberty away from me, zen I'll gladly make sure zat you can never 'ave any ozzer goals. If you even zink to make 'er uncomfortable again, I'll break more zan just your jaw and nose. I'll KILL you if you ever try any'zing like zis again…"

…None of us had anything to say. I was too dumb stricken and shocked to even think to say anything at all. I craned my head to Malfoy on the floor and swallowed air. He was glaring at Fleur. She was glaring right back.

All of this over me…

These two stubborn personalities, getting this close to their breaking points, over me. I don't know…there was just something about it that should have been flattering. I should have been yelling at Malfoy, too. I should have kicked him in the stomach for what he did. I should have been sobbing in Fleur's arms, thanking her for saving me…or something.

But I…couldn't. I was too moved by her words to, well, move. I couldn't just stand here; Malfoy was bleeding too much. The sight was starting to make me queasy. That, and I know Fleur's hand was hurting.

I trudged over to the bed side table and retrieved my wand, even though I felt their eyes on the back of my head. I turned back around and looked at the floor, clasping the wood in both of my hands. Sure, Malfoy might have learned his lesson now. Things were said…beliefs were set in stone. Old instincts came flying back, and now I had to be the one to mend things.

I walked back over to Malfoy and knelt down, and tried my best to fix his face with a spell. I admit I'm not that proficient with Healing spells, but it was better than nothing. I Scourgified the blood from his face, his suit, and the carpet. I know Fleur was looking at me strangely, wondering why I skipped over her to tend to Malfoy first.

So I stood up and faced her; my prediction was actually far off. She was looking at me in a way that I'd never bore witness to before. I quickly mended her hand as best as I could before getting too lost in her gaze, but I instinctively closed my eyes and sighed. We've barely been engaged for two months and this has happened. I felt oddly…guilty.

I think she knew it, too…

"Draco, I zink you should leave."

All I heard was the ruffle of his suit as he stood up, and him sniffling one last time as he wiped his face. He was bold enough to put a hand on my bare shoulder apologetically before ripping it away in a loud pop.

Fleur sighed and sat down on the floor, slouching as she buried her face in her hands. I jumped slightly and straddled her from behind. I held her around her waist, and I didn't want to go back to sleep. She didn't, either…

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"Let's just…forget zat 'appened."

"That's fine… But promise me something."

"Hm?"

"Don't ever try to kill yourself again."

I hit her back with my forehead and she actually chuckled. I let myself crack a smile, and we just sat there for a long while, talking. Just talking.

Her voice alone was enough to keep me awake forever. I think she felt the same way about me, too…

* * *

**A/N -** If you didn't know, 'lick' is a slang term for 'punch'. I know I probably caught you off guard with the chapter name regardless, so hah. Anyways, peace out.


	41. Languid Obsession

October 31st

_**XLII.**__ Languid Obsession_

(Fleur's POV)

Get up, avoid showering with each other for fear of taking too long, get dressed, apparate to work together, work, work, work, work, work, sleep. Rinse and repeat. That's how things have been ever since we fixed our sleep schedules.

I honestly do appreciate how close we've grown over the past few months, though. My love for her is astounding. It's unworldly. It's illegal how she could make me feel so much apathetic arousal by just sitting in here alone without her…

And even now as I sit here in my dark office, staring at the wall connecting to her office, I wish I were elsewhere. Sure, I managed to take care of the media. Draco hasn't shown his sorry ass anywhere. Hermione is…normal. But I'm not. I am not. I. Am. Not. Normal.

This isn't normal. Yes, yes – sexual attraction can drive people up a wall. But right now, I wish Hermione and her mouth could be driving my hips up a wall. Even this one that I'm staring at. Any wall. The Great Wall of China, even.

My eyes are watering from pent up desires. I keep having to cross my legs. I can't focus on this report Hermione wrote for me. I can't focus on the standard proposal Squall had to write for me to order new cameras.

What the hell? IS it alright to want Hermione's thighs in between my nose right now, instead of me breathing this stagnant air? I've been fine all this time, but now I can't stop clenching my fists. It's a wonder I haven't broken my nails.

I shut my eyes and stiffened my neck to hold back the squirm attacks my body felt. I wanted to convolute and writhe and stiffen and relax over and over again. I threw my head back and took a deep breath while I dug my nails into the papers in front of me. Every muscle in my body clenched. Every nerve inside of me sparked and burned at the mere thought of Hermione walking in my office right now, glaring at me, just waiting annoyingly and teasingly to fuck me senseless.

I bit the inside of my mouth and stiffened again to stop the writhes I so needed to have. Hermione was busy with whatever else I asked her to do tonight. I couldn't just storm in her office and fuck her, could I?

No. No! No.. That wouldn't do. But why was my mouth curling up at the thought? I bit my lip and cried out with my mouth closed while I fought against my squirms again; Hermione was just so beautiful. Beautiful, bold, bashful, baneful, and so botheringly busy right now.

It could wait. My hand moving in between my legs was saying otherwise, but this had to wait. I clutched my sinful hand with my sane one and kept my eyes shut. I was breathing so hard that I could probably blow myself out. But my breaths were so slow and painful that I didn't want to let them out. I wanted to let them out on her. In her. With her. But since when have I ever been so horny? When have I ever lost complete control like this, at such a random time? We've gone for much, much longer than this without sex. We've just been so damn busy with other things. I plan to change that, but the fact still stands that we've been swamped with work.

I shook my head and tried to go back to Hermione's report, but the second I looked at it, I shut my eyes again in that same instant. The first number I saw was sixty nine. That helped a whole lot. I tried to look at Squall's proposal, but then I saw the word 'shutter' and it made me shudder instead. I grunted and went back to holding back my shudders and moans.

I'm not supposed to be doing this right now! I've spent the past ten minutes, sitting here within myself, wishing Hermione's entire hand was inside of me. It was just so annoying how vivid it all felt. I could picture her so clearly, sneaking in my office and casting every security spell imaginable before pouncing over this desk and letting us have the time of our lives.

My lungs felt so heavy. My stomach felt like sizzling oatmeal. My mouth was dry. My throat was prickling. My hands were tingling. I was wet. I cringed from the neck up again as I remembered how divine her moans sound. I clawed my desk again while I had a split dramatic image of me kissing a mouthful of her climax. I pressed my crossed legs together so hard that they threatened to fall off as I imagined her talking dirty to me…

Hermione going so low as to talk dirty to me…to please me… God, it was amazing. And the things she said to me…ohhh…

Fuck me, Hermione. Just. Fuck me…

I couldn't take it anymore… I sprung from my chair and left my office and entered hers so fast that I scared Astrid out of her chair and onto the floor. I would have closed the door behind me, but Hermione's obviously not horny surprise at seeing me made me stop.

"Yes?"

Damnit.

"Ahh…I looked over your report."

"Oh, good. Close the door and tell me what you thought about it."

I felt like a child who had a huge crush on his teacher as I tensed up and did as I was told. Hermione just had so much damn authority over me, sitting in her white linen suit, not crossing her legs. She was so much more composed than I was that it should have made me mad. She closed the laptop that I gave her and watched me without a hint of suspicion or intolerance for stumbling in her office so suddenly.

What did that say about me? I'd been expecting her to be horny, just because I was. I felt so disgusted with myself. But as I sat down in her dark office, watching her patient smile, I suddenly realized that I didn't read much other than that number.

It was times like these that I wished I weren't so half-assed with my boldness about things.

"So do you still feel that it's in our best interest to keep the line in Russia going? I can hardly believe that I'm the only one who's noticed the decline in their sales. If it keeps up, it might be detrimental to us here."

I didn't really know what she was talking about. Hermione couldn't tell, though.

I wish she could. I wish we could make that number come to life over and over and over again…but, alas, I couldn't speak. It was either because I was still ashamed, or because she was so striking to me, just sitting there. Staring at me with the utmost fortitude with a tinge of adoration…

"I don't zink so, no. I 'ave been zinking about cutting it."

"Alright. And do you remember exactly how many in thousands they're behind right now according to our annual rec—"

"Sixty nine."

"Sixty nine thousand? Fleur, I don't think it was that much."

"Ehm…maybe. Possibly."

"Is it still on your desk?" A pause.. "Let me go get it."

The second she stood with that unworldly elegance and simple strength that only I could notice, I choked up and crossed my legs. I purposely glanced to the other side of the room as she passed me without any trace of disturbed, frustrated desire in her wake. Her scent wafting through my nose as she passed me casually was mortifying. I took a deep breath and shut my eyes as I sniffed it all in when she was out of earshot, even past my normal lung capacity.

What was wrong with me? The longer this kept up, the longer she'd be screaming my name while I did her on this desk of hers. The longer I had to deal with this nervous warmth in my stomach, the longer I'd want to keep going on a marathon with her, to make her feel just as hot and depraved as I am now.

I grit my teeth in irritation. Hermione knows better than to let her sexual frustration consume her anymore. I miss that part of her. I really do.

She came back just as I thought that, and sat right back down at her desk without a sideways glance at me. Her wind blew me like a willowy wisp wallowing in the sad, sad impossibility of getting some ass tonight. I had to hold back a frustrated tear at the thought.

But whoever told her to buy those reading glasses needs to be reimbursed with billions for the rest of their days; Hermione looked absolutely positively completely and utterly sexy with them on. Crescent spectacles with creamy rims. Creamy. Hah…hah…hah.

"Hmm, you were right about that figure. Odd. We should cut it right away; this isn't going to pan out if we keep giving them chance after chance. I think that any funds we spend on extra advertising out there may be more harmful than beneficial. But, at the same time…"

Hermione decided to just go on. Even with my body screaming that I wanted something from her to help loosen me up, she kept looking down at her work and making remarks about everything. The way she never looked up, the way she raised her eyebrow as she spoke with such knowing and modest power…

God, even the way she enunciated every word made me appreciate the almost rigid slack her lovely jaws have when she speaks. I could see the passion in her gestures, her eyes, and her body.

I honestly felt like I was in love with a stranger who never noticed me as I let out my strained breath. There was just something so seductive about the way she would flip a page, hold it up in the air while she read, then drop it as she made another long-winded comment without ever asking for my opinion on the matter. It wasn't as if I were listening to her, anyway.

I liked this power she had over my attractions. I liked being able to sit here like that child again, and instead of paying attention, being able to visualize my teacher's mouth eating me whole, was bliss. I should have been reprimanding myself for not focusing, but my mind tuned out ages ago, and I would be damned to resist it. I was damned to be able to not pay attention right now…

Because I wanted to be paying Hermione a visit over and over and over again until she came…right back for more. I wanted. Her. I needed. Her. I thrived on her. I was pulsing. My face was pulsing. My teeth were pulsing. I felt absolutely soaked in between my legs. My eyes hurt from staring at her for so long, but I just didn't care. Even thinking to blink couldn't bring me to do it.

The recollection of her moaning and whining for me was too invigorating…

I needed to hear her right now. To hell with this shy act.

"…and I doubt Gary's idea of making Eyevine world wide would help matters. As it is, we can barely keep control over our intercontinental lines. I think we should start with a foundation to make sure that our current lines stick to the same practices as us, and—"

"'Ermione, you know ze old saying of what comes around goes around, non?"

"Yes. But what does that have to do with expanding our lines to Asia and America?"

"Well…" I stood up and turned my fingers towards me as I placed my palms on the edge of her desk. I had my arms quite erect as I tilted my head to the side and observed her. "We ought to practice it some time soon."

"It, Fleur?"

"Oui. It. Don't you see 'it' in my eyes?"

"…no—"

It was at this time that she indeed realized that my eyes were dark with something, well, dark. She saw my cracked desires, but most importantly, she saw a good portion of the half in my gaze that desired her. I saw her eyes flash dangerously at me. I saw her put on that scowl with a sprinkle of reciprocation.

But, more importantly, I saw her cross her legs as soon as she tried to conceal the hitch of her exquisite chest.

"Mmm…you 'ave a lot to learn about being discreet wiz me."

"You know we're at work…"

"And I don't zink I will be able to go to work anymore unless you make me come."

The spark of bewilderment in her eyes incinerated me and made me explode into a wildfire of subtle, sexy laughter. I could barely keep it subtle, but that was what made it so strong. I could barely keep my eyes on Hermione; her scowl was burning me.

But the way the edges of her mouth barely curled up against her will to let me know that she still wanted me was reward enough.

"What goes around comes around, 'Ermione. Keep teasing me like zis and you may find yourself in ze dry, dry dust wizout me."

She flared her nostrils at me but failed to restrain herself from licking her lips. So what if we were at work? She knows that I'd fuck her any time, any where. She knows that I was dripping with the want right then.

And I know that she was, too. She was just being lazy about it all. It did nothing but turn and flip and flick me on and off and on again, continuously, with just the glint of the desire in her eyes to eat me. Dreadfully and painfully slow.

I know she wants me. That seemed to be just enough to soothe me. If she wanted to have her way and not seize me now because we were at work, then fine.

I swayed around loftily and gave her a lopsided smile and a wink before turning on my heel and leaving. Astrid looked at me oddly, but I just winked at her too before entering my office and clicking the door shut.

I wasn't expecting Hermione to run after me. She didn't. I just sat in my chair and laughed for a moment before going back to Squall's proposal. I thought of a wonderful favor to ask of him, just to burn Hermione with the memory of this night a little more.

A tiny obsession with her; I had it. A complete, ethereal, inhuman obsession with Hermione; that was my alter-ego. It was so funny, thinking of a mirror image of how things once were so many months ago, but with her on the lusting end and me on the professional, blissfully unaware end.

I think I liked this kind of teasing with Hermione. She certainly did; I heard her groan loudly and hit her desk by the sound of it. I just laughed again. I'm terrible, I know.

But she's so terribly delectable and delicious and adorable that I can't help it. Besides, it's her fault for being too lazy to run after me now. I made my move.

In a way, this was better than sex. _Much_ better.


	42. Loser

December 6th

_**XLIII.**__Loser_

(Hermione's POV)

"Fleur, will you take this blindfold off of me already?"

"Non. But keep squirming and you'll make more zan just one piece of fabric fall off tonight…"

"You. Have. Been. TEASING ME. Too bloody much."

"Teasing? Hm? I don't understand your language."

"Oh, alright, so maybe it's just the whole 'Look at me, I'm Flirty Fleur and I've been flirting and running away teasingly from my fiancée for the past two and a half months all because I LOVE to see her sexually frustrated!' kind of issue I have with you right now."

"'Ermione, take a deep breath and enjoy ze crisp air. Zere is no need to shout…"

"FLEUR! Stop the sweet talk already! Take this thing off of me!"

"Which zing?"

"Oh. I don't know. Why don't you decide?"

"Désolèe, 'Ermione. I am 'aving a 'ard time deciding which to remove—"

I couldn't take it anymore; I threw a slap to the wind, but only the sound of her giggling greeted me. She dodged it; I heard her shift in front of me. We were standing outside, and we must have been alone; I couldn't hear anyone or anything else off in the distance. Or was it this blindfold making my senses acute to Fleur and Fleur alone?

Nah…

I don't know where she dragged me off to. She packed a bunch of our clothes and shoes at random and blindfolded me once I started asking what was going on. I know we took a portkey somewhere. But there are still other issues at hand…

It was cold, it was night time, and she wouldn't give me my jacket. I chased her blindly, barely going off of where I heard her laughter as a means of following her.

Goddamnit! I don't know what I did to deserve this. I don't know how or why she could resist me for this long. It's like she went back to our little game of seeing how long we could go without any part of each other up any orifice of ours.

I have no idea how it's possible that I haven't run into anything, chasing her with a blindfold over my eyes. I can't take it off because only she can. Magical bondage, she claimed. Hmph. I'm really not into that kind of kink, and I hope she knows that.

"Maman, maman! An evil sexy woman is chasing me across ze stern!"

"Fleur, will you stop being so immature and take this OFF OF ME?"

Her fake girly shrieks and giggles were grating my nerves immensely. I clenched my teeth and stomped my feet harder against the…hard wood floor. Wait...

Did she say stern?

"Hey! Are we…on a ship?"

"Took you long enough to notice!"

"Well I'm sorry…if it's a little hard that I can't SEE a bloody thing…!"

It felt like she was slowing down, and I did as well. But just as soon as I felt like she was in my reach, my attempt to snatch at her failed. But I know I felt the ends of her hair brush against my fingers. I think she had turned around to face me, and was walking backwards by how close her voice sounded to me.

"Are you getting tired?"

"…yes…"

"Why are you still chasing me, zen?"

"What else is there to do…? I can't see, and you won't tell me where exactly you've taken me."

"I can show you."

"Good. Now take this blindfold off of me—"

She stopped abruptly and I walked right into her. But she just held me around my waist and made me straddle her as she sat down and leaned against something. I felt my jacket wrap itself around us as I caught by my breath and buried my face in her neck.

I must have been out of shape, or really, really cold, because I was trembling. Fleur wasn't. Her breaths were as calm and steady as the waves crashing against the ship. But how in the world did I not realize where we were, sans blindfold or otherwise?

"A private ship, 'Ermione. I 'ave been meaning to buy one for ages, but ozzer zan my excuse for not 'aving ze means to store it, I put off buying it for no apparent reason. But I figure you and I are in need of its services.

"Remember I promised you I'd take you to see Michael Bublé? Well, zanks to a few incidents, zat never 'appened. But 'e will be in New York City in about a week's time. I don't break my promises, as you know… And I know we could 'ave just taken a portkey zere, but zat would ruin ze fun."

She…I…oh, what the hell. I had no real excuse to be mad anymore…I mean, the woman can be a complete romantic saint sometimes. I wanted to thank her, but I just thumped my head against her shoulder in exasperation instead. She got the hint; her rhythmic chuckling told me that much.

A private ship…an entire ship, just for us. She was…incredible. Incredibly maddening.

God, she was just such a frustrating tease sometimes…

"Fleur…thank you. You really do know how to rile me up and rip me right back down in an instant, doing things like this…"

"Oh, I know…"

"But what did I ever do to you to make you so conniving in the sex department?"

"Being blissfully unaware of every'zing about a monz ago when we were discussing your report. I don't play nice."

"Obviously not…but what was I blissfully unaware of again—"

My blindfold came sliding off and her lips came crashing into mine. My jacket went sliding off of us as she ground her nails into my back and all but ripped off my shirt. My sanity left me; her dexterous fingers massaging my back made me groan it all away…

Where was this coming from? This…fire inside of her. It was so strange. Not that I didn't like it; quite the contrary. I'd prefer more of this. A lot more.

She gently pounded her fists into my back and beat away all at all of the knots of frustration and stress from overwork. I opened my eyes for a split second and moaned because of both the hunger of her kisses and how bright the stars were overhead.

She led my relaxed back to the floor and put her arm underneath me as I arched into her. There was just something about her tonight that was…different. Something was very different; her teeth and tongue were so much more aggressive than usual. Her hand sidling through my thighs and unzipping my jeans even felt rather frivolous.

Hmm…wait! Was she finally giving in? Oh God, yes! YES!

"YES! God, Fleur! YES! YES! …wait. Hey… HEY! Oh, no, no, no, no, NO! Get back here!"

She pulled away from me, but not before flicking me with her finger, then she giggled and ran away. I let my body fall to the floor in irritation; I was too defeated to even see where she ran off to. I literally felt my lungs release from the constriction I subconsciously put them through; feeling that over joy of finally getting some made me forget to breathe.

I rolled my eyes at myself and closed them for a moment. Just two more months and a few days...eleven days… I can hardly believe it. I'm going to marry the most beautiful, sexy, charming, frustratingly wonderful woman in the universe in two months and eleven days…

She said we're going to get my dress before the year ends. Everything else is essentially planned, too. The church did say that we can write our own vows if we'd like. I keep forgetting to tell her…

Well maybe if she helped me along, I'd be able to jog my memory more often! But at least now I really, really know that sex isn't all she wants from me. We've been going out to eat, spending time with Harry, Ron, and George more often, and just overall enjoying each other. But where. Is. The. Sex? And why do I care so much?

Because I'm human and I'm supposed to care from time to time! But now she's making me care all the time, and I don't like it. I know she wants it, too. I know I'm probably being a spoiled brat, but this is just so ridiculous. I mean, I know I told her she can be a little girl with me. I want her to shine. I know she is now, but I'm still suffering, here!

Why is there always a catch to everything…?

"You look so frustrated…"

Fleur slipped her body right next to mine and laid her head on my chest. I couldn't even open my eyes. She held me, not too tight and not too loose, and sighed just as I did. I really didn't like talking about these kinds of things, as opposed to her.

But, she steps out of her comfort zone with me a lot, so I need to give her that same courtesy…

"I just want you. So bad."

"It warms my 'eart to 'ear you say zat. But not ze way you say it."

"So you get what my problem is."

"No intonation. Mais, it is not what you say to me zat makes me get you, 'Ermione. It is simply 'ow you say it. I know you probably 'ate ze teasing, hm?"

"Yes…"

"Well, let me tell you a story… Many couples tend to get tired of trite, routine sex. As wonderful as you zink I am wiz ze topic, I don't know 'ow to keep you on your toes sexually.

"Mmm, yes, yes – I am a five star flirt. Even wiz you. Only wiz you, really. I just don't want it to become routine wiz us. But despite 'ow much fun I 'ave wiz zis from time to time, you're still pissed off eizer way."

I had opened my eyes without realizing it. I was looking down at her poking me at random across my navel. It was like she was fidgeting nervously because of something she did wrong. I guess…no, I did understand where she was coming from.

And now that she's told me that, I want her to know something else, too.

"Fleur, I feel like you pull me off the bed with me clawing onto it by my fingernails whenever you undress me but don't do me at night before bed. I feel like you dangle your sex in front of my mouth every time I see you and you just smirk at me, knowingly.

"But I'm not so much burned by the wait anymore. I think you can finish my thoughts for me yourself. But I'll prove that sex with me won't get trite or routine. I'll prove every damn thing to you for giving me any tinge of not trusting me to meet your standards.

"Just take a minute to think about me and what I just said. Everything I've ever said. I don't think you'll need to think this over again after you're done."

I peeled her off of me and left her alone on the deck while I went down below without a backwards glance at her. There was a fire going right by the bed. There was also a long hallway leading to a bunch of other rooms, but I assume that she prepared this one for us. I went over to it and lay down without any doubt in my mind that Fleur would get the hint. She was sharp; she'd get it.

She'd understand completely that she hurt my feelings. Just a little. I didn't want to come right out and say it. Not because she was kind of doing that to me. Not because I didn't know how to tell her; believe me, I managed to tell her how I wanted to.

I just wanted her to feel a little sting. Relationships aren't always dilly dally, and ours certainly isn't. But I like this edge it has. She can broil me for months but I can sizzle her on contact for just a brief second and shake her up and flip her over and slam her down just as much.

My head throbbed with a sick entertainment with it all and I chuckled before falling asleep as soon as I closed my eyes. How convenient that I was comparing all of this to cooking.

We were sizzling each other to perfection before the meal, it seems…

* * *

I woke up to the smell of saltwater the next night. I had been waking up periodically during the day, but my eyelids were always too heavy to let me stay awake. But I didn't dream about anything, either. I still felt like a zombie as I lay in bed, refusing to open my eyes.

But I felt like I was outside. Maybe I really was dreaming. I grumbled and threw the duvet over my head and buried my face in my pillow. Something poked my back, but I just squirmed around in annoyance and tried to go back to sleep.

Where was Fleur? Any other time, she'd be sleeping right next to me. Or at least just lying here, regardless if she were tired or not. I felt my eyes drooping even with them closed, though. Ugh.

Back to sleep I go, then…

* * *

Again, I woke up to the smell of brine. I opened my eyes all the way and saw Fleur standing by the edge of the stern. It was night again, and I'm assuming I was asleep all that day again. I sat up and used my elbows to support myself as I observed her. She looked a little lifeless, just standing there, watching and listening to the waves. But why was our bed outside on the deck?

I looked up and took in the sight of the night sky and my question was answered immediately; she wanted me to see the stars. I looked back down and met her eyes, but she wasn't standing so far away from me anymore; her face was right next to mine. I was…well, surprised, to say the least.

In the split second it took for me to look up then back down again, she had rushed over to me and got down on all fours on top of me to support herself. I just smiled with heavy lidded eyes; she looked a little scared. Still very sexy, but scared. It was a mix of the two, really.

Our breaths were coming out as vapor and flowing to the side in the wind as we stared at each other for a long while. I'm not quite sure what was going on in her head, but I wanted to know. I don't know what was going on in my heart, but I knew I felt my own bouncing around in my chest from her being so close to me. I might have even been steaming from the ears at her touch; she brushed down my shirt to expose my shoulder.

Something tentative and gentle settled in her eyes while her fingers settled themselves on my bare skin. I forgot how cold it was outside. I forgot that I was supposed to be mad at her. But I didn't forget that she was trying to tell me something right now that her lips could not. Would not. Her hand massaging its way up to my neck told me enough.

And the innocent twinkle in her eyes. The graze of red across her lithe face. Her body never lies, but I wish it could be lying across my own with no barriers whatsoever. Fear, duvets, nor clothes.

Nothing at all…

"Hey, listen. I'm not mad at you. I just wanted to give you a little shock. Though I can't say the same thing about my sleeping habits. I suppose I just needed to sleep my stress off. You know we haven't really had enough sleep in I don't know how long.

"But you know something? Typical couples have squabbles left and right about everything. But you and I are not typical. At all. Do you know how much we've gone through over these months? Have you ever sat down and thought about it?

"I have. I do every day. But when I want to look you in your eyes while I'm making love to you, you blow me a kiss and run away. It's blood boiling. It's infuriating. But a part of me can't deny that it's an immense turn-on. You are a turn-on.

"Fragments of memories of all the progress we've made make me want you so much. Thinking about your beauty and your love for me… God it sends me soaring. But I'm not concerned about things getting to be mundane. As long as I still feel this fire inside of me for you, I promise you won't be disappointed."

Our breaths stopped coming out as vapor for the wind, and changed to vapor on our faces. Both of her hands were on my face, and I swear I could hear her heartbeats thumping loud and fast from her throat alone. My smile vanished; hers never surfaced. But I knew I was blushing. She still was.

It's still beyond me how I have the power to make her blush, though. It was just…amazing.

"I know it's so easy to forget about everything sometimes. I know fears can get in the way of what we promised each other. But you did promise me the best year of my life. Believe me; you're giving it to me…

"Seeing you like this still makes me almost forget to breathe. Seeing this forbidden blush on your face, feeling your warmth, your touch…it makes me feel so happy inside. Don't over think things with me. Just feel…"

And here was my chance. She moved in for a kiss, but neither of us closed our eyes. She stopped; I smiled.

Victory…

"Mmm…'Ermione, you're a sexy bitch, you know zat?"

"Nope. Care to enlighten me?"

"Well…you know 'ow to put me in my place, for one. Ze auzority is quite fitting for you. And two, you're just as much of a tease as I am. Maybe even more. 'Ere I am, about to kiss you, and you don't even close your eyes."

"That shouldn't stop you."

"It's only good kissing etiquette, love."

"Since when?"

Fleur rolled her eyes and I laughed softly; she knew I was being difficult on purpose. We regained eye contact and kept it for a long time again before she sighed and resigned herself to a silly explanation.

"It is customary for ze man to wait for 'is woman to close 'er eyes first when moving in for a kiss."

"You didn't wait the other night when you practically ate my face off."

"I couldn't 'elp myself."

"And now you can—"

Her finger kissed me and cut off my teasing. Her throaty breaths fooled me into thinking that she was actually…purring while she looked at me. She pushed me down with her finger and her entire body followed, and I let my arms hang at my sides while she slipped underneath the duvet and resumed her place on top of me.

This was just so…sensual. The purring, the blushing, the warm breaths, the lustful stares…I felt a bit of healthy anxiety build in my lungs that made breaths hard to come by. It slipped down to my heart and made it leave warm sultry residue inside of me while my heart was busy thrashing around in my rib cage. It just felt so…good.

I moved a hand to her warm face and I let my other comb through her dirty blonde silk. She still looked a little hesitant, though. I didn't like it. But there was something else going on that I did like…

I felt our navels blending into the other, hers pushing mine up with her shallow breaths and mine pushing hers down with my own equally shallow breathing. The palpable sexual tension was growing; this wasn't just another romantic encounter. I felt it radiate from her face that was so close to mine. She's yet to let herself be this close to me when she knows I want something from her.

I'll be damned if I let her run away from me tonight. Hell no…

But I felt the shock of her odd defiance sting me just as a snowflake fell down and melted on my lips instead of hers. We must have been close to the city, but she was getting anything but close to me as she pulled away from me and went back on the deck…

"Fleur…what's wrong?"

"You say such…'orrible zings in your sleep, you know… 'Orrible."

That anxiety I felt earlier jumped up my throat and brought my heart along with it. I felt my lungs hammering in place of my heart while I removed myself from our bed and carefully walked over to her. I don't even remember dreaming, let alone mumbling in my sleep…

There was a part of me that didn't want to know what I said. Maybe this was why she looked so lifeless when I first opened my eyes…

But I didn't want her to worry. I didn't like seeing her so sad. We just had an amazing connection from just looking at each other. I swallowed and took a deep breath as I felt another snowflake melt where I so wanted her to be.

"What was I saying…?"

A long pause… She looked quite shaken up at this point. I didn't hesitate at all to move closer to her, but she just kept her back to me and took a large step forward. I slouched slightly in defeat.

Was it really that bad?

"Fleur? Fleur, please. Tell me…"

"… 'Don't believe a word I say to you, Fleur. Don't believe a zing I do unless I'm 'urting you. Don't trust me, don't lust me; don't rust me wiz your stupid shows of affection. I don't want it. I don't…'"

There was more, but she refused to speak anymore... We were both shuddering, and not just from the cold. I don't know how…or why…I said those things. I looked at her with worry and again tried to get closer to her, but she just kept her distance still.

I was eerily reminded of that night of the runway in Florence when I made her run away earlier that day because of something beyond my control. And now she was doing it again…and again…but I was ready to run across the universe for her.

I was ready to be the man tonight…and hope to see her eyes closing as my permission to soothe her.

"You know I wouldn't…you know I didn't mean all of that. I really don't even remember saying it. I wouldn't. Just forget about it…"

Just as I took a deep breath and tried to sneak up on her, she broke into a sprint. I immediately went after her, even with the painful recollections cutting my mind and lungs in two.

I was just now taking the time to realize how big this ship was. But I didn't care about it. I should have been frustrated that Fleur doubted me, but I know how sensitive she is… I know she can be insecure sometimes.

But as long as I have her in my arms at some point in time, kissing her tears away, I won't mind chasing her down now…

My need for breaths didn't hold me back at all while I forced myself to speed up. Even her sharp turn to the stairs leading down didn't throw me. I jumped down the whole flight and just barely missed her. She went down that long corridor, and I wasn't hopeful for a dead end.

I fled past the doors after her with a strange speed. Any oxygen my blood needed was replaced with everything she made me feel for her. I felt her running through my veins as I chased her. I felt her giving my bleeding throat water as I cringed at her choked sobs. I kept trying and trying to speed up, but I could never catch up to her.

What the hell did I say that was so bad…?

Another sharp turn; she ran into a room right before the corridor ended. I was right on her heels, even though the marble floor under my feet was slippery. Our heavy footsteps echoed in the large room; it was a gymnasium with a large pool in the middle.

I peeled off my shirt without thinking and threw it aside while I kept going at her. She kept running around the pool in circles, but I kept following her. The blue reflecting on her body right in front of me made me yearn to see another kind of blue. The water looked so deep, just like her sobs reverberating in the room, and my head…

I couldn't take it anymore…

"Goddamnit, Fleur! You know…I love you! It wasn't me…saying those…awful things to you! So stop…running!"

I gave my legs everything I had and lunged after her. I got a hold on her waist, but as soon as I landed, I slipped and sent us both falling into the water with a massive splash. The shock from needing to breathe but not being able to shook me considerably, but I still held my Fleur around her waist. I couldn't move my legs to propel us up; I was that tired and drained.

At some point, she found the strength to get us to the surface. I don't know how long it took, but even though I felt like I couldn't breathe, I was determined to not let her go. I clutched onto her and shut my eyes against the back of her neck while she had her arms against the edge of the pool to hold us both up. She didn't try to push me off, nor was she still crying.

I felt tears streaming down my face from lack of oxygen and energy, but it was fine. I wanted to tell her that things were going to be alright, but I couldn't find the words.

"I'm sorry…"

I squeezed her a little as my sign that I understood completely. She heaved us both out of the pool and laid me down right beside it. She took off her shirt too and placed her body right on top of mine and wrapped her arms around my neck.

It didn't feel to me that she was going to say anything else, but I didn't mind; I felt her take off the rest of our soaked clothes. I knew she wasn't just doing this to tease me. I knew she wasn't just doing this to stall time until we got back on dry land.

But I didn't know why she stopped and held my face while our bodies were ready to melt and blend and absolutely dissolve into the other at this rate. Our breaths were quick and shallow, and I wish our kisses could be, too. I knew my stomach was warm with that good anxiety, and I could see it all grazing her face again.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Of course; she was just asking me for permission again. I trusted her completely. I wanted her to know that. Her palm against my face felt so good, and her lips finally meeting mine again felt even better. I sighed and allowed her entry into my everything. It wasn't just a matter of wanting her now; I wanted her to feel me. I wanted her to breathe me and taste me and love me…not just screw me.

I felt the love blazing a slow, sensual trail down my neck as she kissed her way down to the valley only she could tread and explore. The familiarity and still somehow different feeling her lips were pushing through my skin made me want to jump out and have her kiss and lick everything underneath. The weight of her wet hair in between my fingers was the only thing that kept me grounded while she showed me how well she knew my body…

Every single kiss of hers made me smile and squirm underneath her. Every single nip and suck and bite grew in fervor and intensity inside of me, not just her. I felt her growing confidence as she tickled my sides with just the simple thrusts of her tongue against my pressure points. I laughed and she laughed. I gasped and she kept on.

But I almost cried when she finally got to where I needed her to be. I almost cried because the feel of her breaths inside of me kept jolting my senses so much that she almost didn't need to do anything else…

"Hm? Why are you whimpering? I 'aven't even done any'zing but stall 'ere…"

"I want to cry…"

"It feels zat good after so long…?"

"No…it feels this good because you're you. I can't really explain it…"

A deep chuckle was the last thing I heard before the echoes of a loud guttural moan ripped through me and bounced around the room. I shut my eyes and arched my back, but I couldn't believe how just one suck from her made me feel so damn good.

But it was because it was from her. My Fleur. Half the pleasure came from what she was doing, and another ten halves came from the obvious fact that it was her giving me her love and not someone else. Some of the delicious pressure her tongue was pushing through me and out of my throat could be blamed on her tongue alone. But all of it was…just because it was her.

She was whispering her voice in the form of breaths straight through me, yanking down every gallon of want and need and desire for her and her alone. It seeped right through me with ease, and she drank it all up. I felt it build and build while the products of her creation kept sending me higher and higher with nothing holding me back.

The wracks and spasms and mini-seizures I was having did nothing but spread my wings to let me go higher. The way my blood felt like it kept stopping then changing its flow direction and strength while she sent her love in to mess with me in all kinds of ways was maddening and purifying. I couldn't believe a damn thing while I kept crying out for her except how good she was making me feel…

"Mmm…all zis moaning and whining…too addicting. But I still…want…more…"

Her fingers slammed through me to keep up where her mouth left off. The change made me gasp, but no more than how much I was already gasping and shuddering with such thin breaths while I kept coming at full force. She kissed me full on the mouth and I groaned so loud that I felt it echo in her chest against mine.

Pistons and pipes and endless lengths of bliss and satisfaction; her fingers were all that and more. God her hands had some serious energy. I felt all but suffocated while she kept kissing me and whispering and hissing her dirty approval down my scratchy throat. I swear the way I kept arching underneath her right on this plane by the water probably made it seem like she was riding me.

She was doing all that and more…and the second she got the idea to start scratching the nail of her thumb right where her mouth had left me moments ago, I took off. I shut my eyes while I rode the current with her warm body right there with me. I know I was scratching my throat even more while I kept letting out my moans for sighs as I exhaled, but Fleur's deep laughter just got me off even more.

I squirmed and thrashed around, and I knew I was probably pulling some of her hair out, but I didn't care. She kissed my eyes and I opened them just as I got past a barrier I never thought I'd break, and I gazed right into hers. The spark I felt was indiscernible but still so undeniable.

I love this woman to death and back…

I smiled and rolled us over and into the water. The look of surprise on her face made me laugh the rest of my climax away just as we smashed through the surface. I wasted absolutely no time in moving down and enjoying this opportunity lest we drowned before I could try this.

On top of the added effect of us being underwater…she was considerably wet already. I ate away at her and looked her right in the eye as she let out a loud moan even with her mouth closed. It sounded even better under here…the cadence swam through my ears and made me smile even more as I watched her reactions.

Seconds turned into long moments of pleasure and pressure for her to breathe, but I could tell from the way that her legs were gripping me around my neck that she enjoyed it. I could tell from the way her foot massaged my back that she loved it. She even moved her torso to my face and held my entire head in her arms before even thinking to move up for air.

This was dangerous, but we both loved it. I loved her water-smooth moans and whines swimming through my ears. I loved the pressure building inside of her and spilling right out into my mouth so easily. It was so good to taste her approval of me. Of this. It was so perfect to eat away at her doubts, her fears, and her insecurities…

And it was pure ecstasy to see her arch that divine body of hers and throw her head back as she rocked her hips against me once then moan over and over again to tell me where I'd taken her. She finally let her breath out and groaned at the same time right as she dug her nails deep in the roots of my hair and looked down at me with so much love that it sent me soaring, too.

I propelled us up to the surface, and I had her floating on her back while I kept sucking and biting at her folds and drinking every ounce of liquid heat that seeped through her. My nose and mouth were just barely above the surface with her. Only she could writhe and scream while floating on a body of water and arch her godly body up and down with such pleasure that I finally cried.

I laughed and cried, and she did the same. I floated away from her and held a hand over my mouth as I sunk down, and she swam right after me.

Fleur…the name speaks volumes, but the woman behind it all knew how to put volume behind my sobbing just from holding me tight and kissing at every available inch of my skin. I uttered her name over and over again, despite the water, as I finally took my hand away from my face and devoured her succulent lips. I could barely decipher her moaning my name again and again while our lips crashed into the other.

But we were still crying… I knew why I was; I never wanted this to end. I couldn't believe any stupid theories about a disease taking this away from me. I think…no…I felt the same fear shaking off of her as she trembled in my arms, begging for more and more even though we needed to breathe. I felt her fear ooze through my mouth like the taste of the pool water every time we opened our mouths just a little more to feel each other a little more and a little more…

I'd gladly die down here with her if that's what it took to avoid anything terrible. But I trusted my love for her; I wouldn't ever let it go just like that. She'd go chasing after it if I ever did, just like I did for her earlier. I'm not losing either one any time soon.

Ever.


	43. Lover In Your Headlights

December 17th

_**XLIV. **__Lover in Your Headlights_

_(Fleur's POV)_

A gentle hand on my shoulder, a svelte waist underneath mine, and our free ones interlaced. Lovingly. Adoringly. Obsessively.

A simple sway to the music sung by a man who knew everything I knew I'd have to tell her one day…and a simple breach of faith every time she closed those striking russet eyes of hers to blink. A slow dance. A slow simmer of my heart.

I felt like a fog, just barely gliding around in place with her. I felt like a very _warm_ fog with her so close to me. She was wearing that same little black dress I first saw her in that night so many months ago, in this dark building with so many other lovers. I wondered whether to damn or devote my life to that night. I wondered why I could be so shaken up by her words, even while the ones flowing through our ears kept our dance slow and sensual, but made my heart fast and furious.

I wondered if she could hear it now that she had her ear against my chest, against the breast of my suit.

I wondered vaguely why I grew to detest wearing dresses and heels.

_If you want a lover,  
I'll do anything you ask me to.  
And if you want another kind of love,  
I'll wear a mask for you._

_If you want a partner, take my hand.  
Or if you want to strike me down in anger,  
here I stand.  
I'm your man…_

Did Hermione know how much I love her? _Does _she know? I don't think she does. I don't think so.

I'm sure she's had the time of her life here in this city with me. I'm positive that she'd tell me that she loves me with everything she has if I were to ask her…

But why…does my heart feel so damn heavy? Why does her touch make me so mad and happy at the same time? I don't understand why I'm confused. I don't understand why I don't understand anything. Her alter-ego in her sleep does that to me.

Her true self shows her colors in her sleep. Every night. And I believe her. Every time.

_And if you want a boxer,  
I will step into the ring for you.  
And if you want a doctor,  
I'll examine every inch of you._

_And if you want driver,  
climb inside.  
Or if you want to take me for a ride,  
you know you can.  
'Cause I'm your man…_

Does Hermione know that half of my heart is pounding with love right now? Does she know that the other half is pounding with fear? The other thousand halves are pounding and smashing and hammering at everything I am with pure hatred and animosity for…myself. Not her. Just me.

But this song makes me forget. This…dance…just barely feeling my feet move, but feeling so much more than Hermione's head on my chest…her scent, her touch, her love…it makes me forget. Just a little. Swaying in place with her, resting my head over her dark tresses, and feeling her natural warmth radiate from her roots is all I can do to try and forget the things she tells me.

I'm not supposed to be so upset over false words that ring so true in my system. I'm not supposed to show any emotion or anger or confusion, because I'm _her man_. I don't want to cry in her arms. I don't want this and that but I want her.

I want some sleep, too. Her other self's been depriving me of everything.

_Ah, the moon's too bright.  
The chain's too tight.  
The beast won't go to sleep._

_I've been running through  
these promises to you  
that I made and could not keep._

I'm breaking the promise of telling her everything. I'm not being faithful by keeping everything bottled inside. I'm not myself. I'm not…anyone. But this Hermione here, in my arms, dancing with me…she makes me feel like somebody. She doesn't make me feel like myself, but she makes me feel like _some_one.

Someone who's loved…at least for the moment.

I don't want to worry her. I don't want her alter-ego to win. I don't…know why my eyes are just now stinging with tears.

_Ah, but a man never got  
a woman back  
not by beggin' on his knees…_

_I'd crawl to you, baby,  
and I'd fall at your feet.  
And I'd howl at your beauty like a dog in heat…  
And I'd claw at your heart…  
And I'd tear at your sheet…  
I'd say __**please**__…_

Just…please, Hermione…_please _stop. I dread every moment of every day just because of her. I hate my nights because she won't let me be. I hate every day because I am supposed to just _be, _but I can't because I'm too scarred and marred and barred by her taunts and teases and trickery. I'm trapped in a dream and I'll never wake. I'm screaming for someone to save me, but no one can.

'_Cause I'm your man…_

I'm too strong for this. It's been eating me alive to not cry or show weakness or show _anything _while she's awake. I hate myself for putting on my fake plastic smile and acting like everything's okay. I hate that even if I did tell her what was wrong, she couldn't do a damn thing about it.

I'm a confident bitch again, she says. But I just feel like a big baby in a woman's body who has the mentality of a man when it comes to how protective I am of her.

_And if you've got to sleep  
a moment on the road,  
I will steer for you.  
And if you want to work the street alone,  
I'll disappear for you._

_If you want a father for your child,  
Or only want to walk with me a while…  
across the sand…  
Well, I'm your man…_

Would Hermione ever want that kind of relationship with me? If she grew bored and wanted to be promiscuous, would I let her? Yes…and for two reasons.

One, because I think I'd need my space. I'd need some time alone to cry and slap on my confident face on again whenever she gets back. I'd need the time to gather my composure and ready myself for the onslaught of whoever she decides to be that night as long as I can make love to her. I'm growing to be so obsessed with her that I'd wait forever for her as long as I know that I am her one true love.

And two…because I know and trust and _believe _that she'd come back to me. I know she would. I gathered that much from the last time we danced with each other.

But why the hell can't I tell her what's on my mind so easily anymore…?

_Ah, the moon's too bright.  
The chain's too tight.  
The beast won't go to sleep._

_I've been running through  
these promises to you  
that I made and could not keep._

Hermione looked up at me with a small smile on her face. Her make-up was flawless. I still loved her heavy mascara and chocolate brown eye shadow. The hint of blush. Perfect foundation. I forced a rugged grin on my own and her eyes had the audacity to light up at me. She could see right through me; I know she could. I was probably hurting her because of how much I was letting her see but not hear. I felt so torn that I was hurting her by trying to protect her.

Why were we such martyrs when it came to each other? Why, why, why? I'll end up pushing her away if this keeps up…

_Ah, but a man never got  
a woman back  
not by begging on his knees…_

_I'd crawl to you, baby,  
And I'd fall at your feet.  
I'd _**HOWL** _at your beauty like a dog in heat.  
I'd claw at your heart,  
and I'd tear at your sheet  
I'd say _**please**_…_

I'd rather do that…than tell her my insecurities. I'd rather win her back than let her see me cry ever again. I'd rather run across the universe and _physically _convince her that I love her instead of just trusting her like this. I don't like the loss of control. I don't like who she makes me become. I don't see how she puts up with me, either.

But she loves me. I can see it in her eyes that are trying so hard to penetrate my own. I can see the glow and the love and the radiance of everything good and holy and beautiful in her orbs.

And then I remember that mine are glistening with stupid tears…

'_Cause I'm your man…_

I looked away, but she cupped my face in her hand and made me look at her again. I winced and tried to keep my eyes closed, but she got on the tips of her toes and kissed my eyes. I swallowed to wash away the prickles in my throat, but she kissed my neck and made them multiply by a factor of a thousand. I felt so much embarrassment and annoyance and love from how much feeling she was sending me through her lips that I shivered.

I can't keep doing this…

_I'm your man…_

I kissed her, to lie to her; to tell her that I was fine. I found bliss in her quiet moans. I combed through my every doubt in the form of her tongue and teeth and true love for me, warming my insides considerably. I let my worries run away while I ran my love and lies and lust down her throat, giving me more throaty moans just as the song ended.

I let my eyeliner run one last time while she couldn't see, hoping for the best that my heart mended after the release…

I'm too strong to let it happen again.

_Mmm…'cause I'm. Your. Man…_

* * *

And again, we sat in the back of this taxi, with this same driver, but going to a completely different place. Some formal party, she said. For Quidditch or something. I didn't really mind, even though I hated the sport. I guess I really couldn't call myself caring about much of anything these days.

But I almost wish I brought my car with us so that I wouldn't have to avoid caring about this driver's drooling, either. It's like he's never seen a woman wear a suit, hold another woman's hand, and stare so intently at the headlights and brake lights and streetlights directly ahead. The traffic here is simply atrocious.

But I wish I could stop thinking about her words. I wish I could stop filling my head with them while she sat in silence next to me, scowling at the driver for drooling at me.

So overprotective…

"_How come you act so high and mighty all the time?"_

"_Because zat is 'oo I am."_

"_Nuh uh."_

"…_yes 'uh."_

"_Nuh uh, nuh uh, nuh uh! I bet you think I'm acting all childish, but you know what? We're all kids at heart. Just because you're thirty-one years old doesn't make you any different. You wanna cry because of all the things I tell you. You wanna cry because it's the truth."_

"_Just shut up already…I'm sick of you."_

"_I toldja so! Toldja, toldja, TOLDJA! You hate me 'cause I tell you the truth. The other one doesn't do that and it makes you feel comfort in all the lies you build around yourself. I bet you wouldn't know what to do with yourself if she got tired of your antics and just up and left your egotistical ass."_

"_Non…non, I would not."_

"_See here, Fleur. She loves you. She loves you a lot. But I don't appreciate our cracked nervous system, here. I don't appreciate this headache we get every time you look at us. I don't appreciate the migraines we get every time she wants to fuck you. Go die already and save us some misery…"_

"That'll be thirty two bucks and sixty five cents, gorgeous."

Everything came floating back as a mist and reformed into the sad reality before me in a loud hiss as the tires came to a stop on the asphalt. I sighed and blinked to regain whatever composure I had while Hermione clicked her tongue in annoyance. Not at me, though.

But I felt like a part of her was a little annoyed at me. Maybe.

"We're not done yet. Be back here in two hours."

"Ahh, alright alright already. If you stand me up I'mma be pissed."

"Whatever. Come on, Fleur."

It felt like I only blinked and we were suddenly outside the taxi in the snow. It drove off and Hermione smiled at me before taking me by the hand through the large double doors of whatever hotel we were at. I took her coat off when we got inside and she just smiled at me even more. She led us up to the suite on the topmost floor, all the while squeezing my hand affectionately and walking very close to me. I almost forgot how upset I was supposed to be as I looked down at her.

She looked so…proud to be on my arm. She looked like she was positively beaming, even though I wanted to just shrivel up and _die. _She made me feel one extreme after the other, all at the same time, and it was driving me insane. _Hermione _was driving me insane…

I wish she'd put the brake on and stop for a minute…this isn't healthy for me at all.

* * *

"Hermione! Fleur! What a surprise!"

"Ginny! I knew you'd be here!"

Hermione let go of me for a moment to hug the same woman who punched me in the stomach so many months ago. But they looked like they were so happy to see each other that I couldn't be angry. All I did was float awkwardly at Hermione's side while they held each other by the shoulders and smiled and talked and laughed without a care in the world.

I think I felt like a boy who was taking his woman to prom or something, watching her be so happy with all of her friends and realize with a pang that I was being sultry and anti-social. But I really didn't want to talk to Ginny, and I could have sworn I saw Harry and Ron off in the distance. I _really _didn't want to talk to them, either.

I was feeling oddly warm all of a sudden. And irritated.

I mumbled something about the restroom and hurried off without making it seem like I was in a rush to get away. Does that even make sense? No. I don't know, goddamnit. I hate parties. Seeing everyone act so fakely with each other, mingling over champagne and caviar over their successes…there was something about it that was not for me. I know I bumped into quite a few people, but I didn't care.

One of them certainly did, enough to the point of grabbing me by the arm and stopping me.

"Hold your horses there, Fleur! What's the rush?"

"Do I _know _you—"

I turned around and cursed inwardly; I ran right into Bill and past him without even noticing. Why was everyone here? No, why was _he _here? He doesn't even play Quidditch! I know the annoyance and surprise was written all over my face, and he just laughed.

"Mind having a drink with an old friend?"

"I was just going to ze—"

"Ah tut tut! Don't even start. I saw you over there. Now sit and have a drink with me."

I grimaced at him but he just kept smiling at me while he led me over to the bar. It seemed that he ordered a drink for me in advance; all he did was nod to the bartender, take the drink, then he whisked me away to the snowy balcony and closed the doors.

I sniffed the drink out of habit while I bent down and put my arms on the railing. Bill did the same and we both took a sip of our drinks, watching the city in a strange silence. I haven't seen this man in years, but now he suddenly pops back in my life right when I'm feeling my lowest and highest at the same time?

"You've changed."

"No shit."

He just laughed again. I glanced at him with knitted brows, then off to another side while I pursed my lips over my glass and took another sip. I turned my nose up at a straight couple making out on the balcony some feet away, then settled on glaring straight ahead.

"You know, you're probably more of a man than I am, Fleur. It takes a lot of guts to walk right into a party with straight couples, straight _celebrities, _with Hermione like you did. I bet you didn't even notice that people couldn't walk or take their eyes off of you, either."

"I guess not. I _didn't _notice."

"You look so unhappy, too. Why?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Guys aren't supposed to understand. We're supposed to just stare at you and pretend to listen."

"My point exactly…"

"No, Fleur. I mean, you should tell Hermione, or me, or _someone _regardless if they'll understand or not. No one can ever get every finite detail of everything, no matter how much sense you try to make of it yourself. It's no use brooding alone if you have support."

"What ze 'ell do you care, Bill? I 'aven't seen or 'eard from you in years, and now you come running back in my life like a dog? After everyzing I put you zrough, I'm 'ardly convinced zat you only 'ave good intentions at 'eart."

"Is it really that bad, being with her? Is it really that bad that she knows you inside and out but you don't know yourself?"

"What does she 'ave to do wiz you?"

"You were disloyal to me because of her, Fleur. Now you run to her feet and kiss her like a _dog _because you love her? I don't understand it, and you don't understand why I'm trying to be your friend. So let's just leave it at that and let each other be. Calm down and tell me what's wrong."

I ran a hand through my hair and took a deep breath. I failed to notice that I had thrown my glass away in frustration while I turned to face him at some point. He was looking at me intently, patiently…but without the tinge of love that Hermione always gave me. Somehow, not seeing it made me forget my need to instinctively clam up.

And somehow…not seeing it made me realize what a fool I am to be taking it for granted.

"I'm sorry… 'Ermione is just…well, I don't understand it myself. She is sick. She loves me, but she is still sick. Whenever she falls asleep, her alter-ego speaks to me. She and I literally 'ave entire conversations until she wakes up.

"Every…single…time…she tells me zat I am being stupid for loving 'er. I need to man up, she'll say. I need to forget my sensitive side and insecurities if I want to be good enough for 'er. But no matter what I do, I'm going to keep running in circles wizin myself, wondering and wondering if she is going to forget about zis at some point. Zis being 'er love for me.

"Bill, it's so demeaning and intimidating to 'ear 'er speak to me ze way she does. I am cracking 'er nervous system in two. I don't know 'ow to ignore my frustration ozzer zan acting tough whenever we go somewhere. I keep confusing myself, wondering if she can see my pain. I keep troubling myself even more by wanting to talk to 'er but also wanting to keep quiet to protect 'er…"

"You're cracked in two, too. But you just spilled everything to me in less than two minutes. I know you love her, Fleur. I _know _she means everything to you. Why can't you give her the courtesy of telling her what's wrong? If you think she's suffering now, I bet she'd still at least feel a little better after you confide in her.

"You said it's her alter-ego speaking to you…so why believe it? I know you want to toughen up and be a little manly. I know it's probably appealing to have a woman like Hermione on your arm, beaming at everyone and calling you her man. Homophobia is gone to the wind, never to return with you two. Hell, you're even getting married!

"If she had any doubts about you, I bet she'd call the wedding off. She doesn't doubt you, Fleur. But you're doubting yourself. I know you want to be strong, but you still need her to let out your weaknesses with. Don't worry about being stoic to be strong in her eyes. Even if it's just this last time, tell her what's on your mind. It's killing you, Fleur…I hate seeing you like this."

I really didn't know what to say. I know he was right, but I was just too stubborn. But just as I pondered at least grunting my approval of his words, I felt my cell phone vibrate in my pocket. I fumbled around for it and my eyes widened a bit when I read the message I'd received.

"_We're at a table by the bar whenever you want to come out of the bathroom, love."_

My head throbbed in exasperation and Bill smiled knowingly. I put my phone back in my pocket and he led me back inside without another word.

* * *

I sat down next to Hermione with Bill next to me. Ginny, Harry, Ron, Charlie, Percy, and George were at the table with us as well. I had a vague feeling that it was planned for Hermione to bring me here to mingle with all of them, and she got me good.

Bill kept offering to buy me drinks, but I declined every time. Meanwhile, Hermione and Ginny were getting oddly tipsy while the guys kept egging them on. They gave up trying to get me drunk long ago, but they knew not to push my buttons tonight. Any night, really. Percy still didn't seem to understand this simple concept.

"Goodness, Fleur. Loosen up!"

"I'm fine."

"You don't look very fine!"

"I beg to differ," Charlie grinned. I scowled at them both. Hermione and Harry sniggered.

"But Hermione," Ron piped up while Percy and Charlie started frowning sadly at me. "Do tell us more about your city adventures with your dear fiancée!"

"I guess it says enough that we're only staying in the best hotel in the country. The W hotel certainly is up to my standards. But besides that, she damn well knows how to show me a good time!" Hermione slurred. Ginny giggled and hiccuped. "And not just outside, if you know what I mean…!"

Everyone laughed, but I stiffened from the neck up and tried to ignore Hermione practically falling on top of me. I looked away and snaked an arm around her shoulder, and she kissed my hand several times before sighing and continuing on, despite me cringing in disgust.

"I think I've seen just about every star in this city. Polaris, big-name authors, and the ones she makes me see whenever she…kisses me. She's shown me around Manhattan and Brooklyn and Queens and the Bronx. She's shown me downtown and uptown and everything in between every time she makes me scream…

"You know, Ron and I never even had sex, but Fleur and I are just like bunnies. Quite the energetic ones, at that. She's such a dirty talker. And a good screw. It's a wonder I'm still able to walk tonight! Like last night, she rammed me against the headboard and I still kept calling her name…"

"Sounds like you two have quite a few naughty adventures to talk about," Harry managed with a laugh. Everyone else was chuckling and wiggling their eyebrows at me. I frowned at them.

"Ohhh yes. Yes, yes…yes. Pretty soon I'll want to try something else with her… God, yes…"

"Try _what, _exactly?" George asked with a grin. Ron smirked at me, but I turned my nose up at him.

"Mmm…pop, pop, POP goes the cherry!"

"'Ermione!"

"Ahhh… You. Are. So. Sexy. When. You. Are. Pissed. Off. You know that? Is it so bad that my mind suddenly clicked like this now that I'm drunk? Is it so bad that you're so desirable? Is it so bad that I HATE it when you act shy in public, even after our exhibitionist encounters?"

"…do you 'ave a 'eadache?"

"Such a random question…but yes. Yes, I do. You're not making it any better."

I choked up when she giggled again and held her index finger out suggestively at my chest. She stuck it down what little of my chest I was showing off _and _put her nose down at the territory she exposed. I made to slap her off, but she suddenly sprung a cigarette from nowhere and started smoking it. She blew the smoke right in my face, but I kept scowling at her. Everyone else at the table giggling their hair off wasn't helping matters.

"You're my man; I can talk to you however I damn well please. It doesn't help that you've got sexy written all over your body and hidden so well like the illegality of your sex in these pants of yours. I love this suit on you. It's so polished…just like your p—"

"'Ermione, you are drunk. Stop talking."

"Mmm…you keep talking to me then, Fleur. Such…a turn on…when you're bitchy. I like you this way…why don't you take me back to our hotel and put me in my place…?"

She blew another ring of smoke in my face and burst out laughing right with everyone else. I really didn't like seeing her drunk. I don't know why she was smoking, but I didn't like it, either. I had a vague feeling that she only agreed to get drunk to forget that she was mad at me.

But now it felt like I was sputtering lies around my own head, only making matters worse. I looked around and noticed that everyone in the suite was staring at us. Hermione and I, to be specific. They could tell that I was uncomfortable. I didn't like how their opinion of me was so easily plastered on their face.

I glanced back down at Hermione burying her nose down my chest. I know I could _not _ignore how oddly good she made me feel, just doing this to me. After a moment, I threw caution to the wind and yanked her lips up to mine. She threw the cigarette aside and gently clawed my face and hair with both hands.

But more than anything, despite her smoky alcoholic lips, I felt the band of her ring brand me while she moved her hand around my face and head. It served as a reminder that no matter what, I still love her. I'd kiss her and make love to her anywhere…

It just doesn't help that I kept letting everything else her other half told me ring in my head. I guess it was better than hearing the ringing of giggles and howls and whistles. It was better than getting embarrassed by the attention.

But it was not better than a sober Hermione, and I knew it. I kept kissing her anyway, though. I sure as hell did…

* * *

Another taxi ride, another irritable silence. But at least the driver had another valid excuse to occasionally drool at us from the rear-view mirror; Hermione was straddling me and breathing in my ear. I wanted to snarl at him to mind his own business, but despite my anger, I was still feeling very turned on by Hermione's gestures…even if she _was _drunk.

"That was some party…I haven't felt this way in years. Actually, no…I don't think I ever have. On top of the alcohol…me being on top of you is just so…delectable. You know that? But I don't like…how you're so tense. Loosen _up…_or I'll have to eat you up right…here…"

"'Ermione, will you—"

"God, Fleur…you're so thorny and complex and intricate. Delicate. You think you have everything under your control…and when things go wrong…you tense up. But I like how you said to hell with it all when you finally gave in and kissed me back there.

"But your thorns keep sticking me, you know. I know something's…wrong with you. You're different. You've been different ever since the other night when we had our fun in our pool. I may be tipsy, but I can still tell when you're different. Hell, you _smell _different…

"You smell like fear. You smell like you're petrified of letting something ooze from you if you even break a sweat. You're scared of something…is it me? Is it because I'm like this…? But I thought you like me when I'm edgy and sexy and mysterious…?"

"You're…drunk, 'Ermione…"

"Tell me what else I am…"

"…you're…too smart for zis. You're too beautiful to soil yourself like zis. You're so complicated because you smile at me when you want to tell me zat you know why I'm not smiling back. You 'old my 'and and boast to ze world about 'ow great I am in bed when all you want to do is cry and demand zat I tell you what my problem is—"

Hermione grabbed my collar with both hands and rammed my back into the seat once with a scowl and burn in her eyes that was so smoldering that I shut my eyes in fear. I heard the driver gasp and swerve, but Hermione just barked at him to pay attention to the road and ignore us. She moved her mouth to my eyes and breathed on me for a moment.

I think I felt her throbbing against my navel. I could have sworn I heard choked moans down her throat while she kept breathing hot air on my face that smelled of wine. But I _know _I saw a bit of anger cut through her eyes and pin me to the spot when I finally opened my eyes and looked at her. My heart pounding out of my chest wasn't just because I was scared of her…

My God she was so beautiful…

"You're sharp…you know me. You read me like a book. _I _read you like a book, just like you asked me to. Fleur, honey…don't get me wrong…I know you're hurting. But I know you well enough to say that you won't learn your lesson unless a little shock goes with it. You are just too damn hard-headed…

"I want to know…why you think you can't trust me with this. I want to know why you think I wouldn't be pissed or sad or just plain upset that you're trying to be fake with me. This isn't the booze or the disease talking, Fleur. It's _me. _Your…fiancée… Hermione Delacour."

I licked my lips just before she gave me a chaste kiss and wrapped her arms around my neck. I held her for the entire ride, looking straight ahead and thankfully not remembering to frown at the driver.

Hermione Delacour…it had too much of a nice ring to it to let it slip from my grasp. And this tension that she's built with me now…even though she scared the hell out of me, I can't deny that it's unquestionably…sexy.

I have some weird ass fetishes…

* * *

I laid my head in the crook of her neck with her in my arms, with me in her arms, tangled and interwoven for warmth under the crimson duvet. I watched the shadows of snowflakes falling on the wall opposite our window, and Hermione kept watching me with a warm patience. No clothes were keeping us from doing more, but I just couldn't start it.

I think I was supposed to be starting a conversation, anyway.

"I suppose I'm still shaken up from your sleep talking…"

"It's fine…I think I have an idea of what I've been saying. But you wouldn't be able to hear me if you'd just go to sleep…"

"I keep worrying and fearing and…I don't know, 'Ermione. I can't sleep. I want to keep coming off as strong and manly for you. I want to be like all ze ozzer men in ze world and not show a lick of emotion and 'ave your adoration."

"I get what you're saying…but do you know what all great men have in common?"

"Non…"

"A great woman, or man, to cry on when things get rough…no matter how rough. That's what makes them so strong to us, but when it's just them and their woman, or man, they'll cry in the dark. They'll thrash and scream and whine so hard until they've let out all of their frustration so that they can start the next day with a grin. Don't sit here and tell me you don't want me to help you do that, too…"

"I do, I do…I just…never zought of it zat way."

"You could have just asked."

"You said it yourself…I am 'ard-'eaded."

"But you know when to turn into the big softie that I love…so it's fine. _This _time. Next time I might end up screaming at you. I don't know. I don't like it when I get the feeling that you're not trusting me with something…

"Keep this up and you'll be crawling to my feet for forgiveness."

I shifted slightly to look up at her. She was frowning a little. I grinned at her and gave her a quick kiss before letting her have a penny for her threats.

"Looking forward to it, love."

The look of surprise on her face was just pure satisfaction. I loved it.

"And I'm supposed to just fall for you all over again _if _that ever happens?"

"Oui. I'll bet you as much as you want zat you will."

"…how does _your _company sound?"

"Sounds good to me."

"And you're not even going to argue with me?"

"Non. I'm a confident bitch now."

"Or how about just a plain old bitch?"

"'Owever you like me, zat's what I'll be."

I just winked at her before sighing and taking my place over her neck. My forgotten exhaustion finally crept its way around my own and spread to my head and drifted me off to sleep. I didn't need to have a full-on conversation about all the things she's been saying to me. I didn't need to tell her that I was scared and confused. Everything she's told me tonight, and ever, is completely right.

I really need to stop being an emo stubborn mule and trust her more…


	44. Lying in the Reeds

_**XLV. **__Lying in the Reeds_

_(Hermione's POV)_

Fleur and I finally got back home the night of Christmas Eve. She was still oddly tired, and we'd just taken a shower. I was about to resign myself to going to bed early with her when my phone rang. I picked it up without looking at the caller ID while Fleur grinned at me from the bed. I rolled my eyes and smiled back at her.

"Yes?"

"You. Me. Dinner at nine. Same restaurant as last year."

"Malfoy? What the hell? You have some nerve calling and demanding that I go to dinner with you—"

"I'm sorry, Hermione. I'm sorry. Please just give me a chance to explain myself."

"You can explain yourself to a dead line because I'm not listening."

"Hermione, please. I know you're pissed off at me, but I'm trying to fix things here. I don't want you to be holding a grudge. I'm sorry."

"No. Get over yourself. I don't care about you, Malfoy. I couldn't care less that I'm holding a grudge that I don't even think about. I'm over it. I suggest you go find the sense to do the same."

"I can't."

"Well that's just too damn bad—"

"No, Hermione. I'm going to be there to pick you up whether you're dressed or not. I'm not taking no for an answer. I'll see you in thirty."

He hung up on me. I just stood there with the phone in my limp hand, looking like I'd just been slapped senseless. Fleur was watching me with a bemused expression, but I know she heard the entire conversation. But the way she smiled at me soon after told me that she was fine with me going. The way she got up and floated over to me to hold me was probably my foundation for getting through the night.

"Tease 'im."

"You're horrible…"

"'E is a changed man, 'Ermione. 'E would not 'ave called and demanded zat you go wiz 'im like _zat. _Just go see what 'e wants."

"If I end up raped or something, I'm blaming you."

All she did was chuckle and hold me a little tighter. I let my phone fall to the floor while I sighed and buried my face in her neck. I really didn't want to go, but now that I thought about it, I would have felt bad if I got the chance to decline properly. I guess I'm too nice for my own good.

But I still can't imagine how or why Malfoy of all people would try to apologize after what he did. I guess I'll find out…

* * *

The car ride was very silent and awkward. He was fiddling around with the radio for the most part, but he eventually settled on giving up on the radio and plugging in his iPod. If I didn't know any better, I think I saw a playlist that was my name…

I had my elbow on the arm rest with my hand on my head, then went back to staring blankly out the window while he picked out a song. I couldn't say that I was bored or anything; I was just _slightly _mad at him for his actions.

But I had to admit that the song that was playing was actually rather nice. It wasn't crunk this time, no. Electronica, almost. It was rather…mesmerizing, really. The way the beat kept picking up with the scratching and the violin…

"Life in Mono by Mono from the movie _Great Expectations. _Came out in 1997."

"Wonderful."

"Suits you and Mr. Delacour perfectly."

I glared at him just as the beat finally picked up all the way and a woman started singing. But he mentioned Fleur… I swear the second he looked at me, I felt an earthquake of goose bumps attack my sides thanks to the music, and his small resemblance to Fleur.

Quite the unbearable likeness, really…

_The strange sang a theme  
from someone else's dream…_

_The leaves began to fall…  
and no one spoke at all…_

_But I can't seem to recall…  
when you came along.  
Ingenue._

He looked back at the road, but I kept looking at him. I wasn't thinking about _him, _though. I was thinking about Fleur. The goose bumps just kept prickling me as the song continued. This sounded like it had such a higher meaning to me. I couldn't put my finger on it.

But just as I thought I was falling in love with the song, and I did, he changed it. I frowned, but he just gave me a small smile as we stopped at a red light.

"And another song for you two. Justin Timberlake, Until the End of Time. Nice slow song."

_I woke up this morning,  
and heard the TV saying something…  
about disaster in the world, and  
it made me wonder where I'm going…_

_There's so much darkness in the world…  
but I see beauty left in you, girl.  
And what you give me lets me know  
that I'll be all right…_

'_Cause if your love was all I had…  
in this life…  
Well, that would be enough…  
until the end of time…_

_So rest your weary heart,  
and relax your mind…  
'Cause I'm gonna love you, girl  
until the end of time…_

Not nearly as many goose bumps, but they were still there. Malfoy obviously knew how to get me to loosen up, because I'd completely forgotten that I was supposed to be mad at him. I was mad that he changed the song again, though. I wasn't sure whether it was safe to start small talk and ask where he found these songs, so I just tried my hardest to remember the names and artists.

He changed it to another one that started off with a few piano chords. It was a really nice rock song, actually. But I think…the woman's voice was familiar to me. Very, very familiar…

"Addicted by Kelly Clarkson. I think it will suit you two very well in the future."

"Future…?"

_It's like you're a drug…  
it's like you're a demon I can't face down  
It's like I'm stuck…  
it's like I'm running from you all the time_

_And I know  
I  
let  
you  
have all the power  
it's like the only company I seek  
is misery all around…_

_It's like you're a leech…  
sucking the life from me  
It's like I can't breathe…  
without you inside of me…_

_And I know  
I  
let  
you  
have all the power  
And I realize I'm never gonna quit  
you over time_

_**It's like I can't breathe  
it's like I can't see anything  
nothing but you…  
I'm addicted to you!**_

_**It's like I can't think…  
without you interrupting me  
In my thoughts  
in my dreams  
You've taken over me!**_

_**It's like I'm not me…  
It's like I'm not me…**_

_It's like I'm lost…  
It's like I'm giving up  
slowly  
It's like you're a ghost that's  
haunting me  
leave  
me  
alone…_

_And I know  
these voices in my head  
are mine alone.  
And I know I'll never change my ways  
if I don't give you up now…_

"Malfoy…? How does this relate to Fleur and I in the…future?"

"All will be explained in due time, Misses."

"Like, tonight?"

"Maybe. Just sit back and enjoy this bass."

"You're scaring me..."

"Don't worry."

_**I'm hooked on you,  
I need a fix, I can't take it  
just one more hit  
I promise I can deal with it**_

_**I'll handle it,  
quit it  
just one more time,  
then that's it**_

_**Just a little bit more to get me through this…**_

And as she repeated those lines again, louder, higher, with the lower voice right with it, I felt my eyes water and more goose bumps nearly devour me as I stared straight ahead with wide eyes. The hair on my arms was standing up on end and I felt like I was shivering. Malfoy looked at me fearfully and paused the song and I tried to gather myself.

How the hell could a song do that to me? But it was Kelly singing it… And it was Malfoy who thought it had a connection with Fleur and I. But how?

"I have plenty of other songs. But we're at the restaurant now and I made reservations. I can give you a list later."

I nodded to him, and before I knew it, I was outside with him walking inside the building. I just had a weird feeling from listening to those songs. I couldn't really place it.

* * *

We both ordered the same thing as last time, and we conveniently had the same waiter as last year, too. It looked like the same people were in here, talking and smoking up a storm. Malfoy took a sip of his wine and looked at me carefully, obviously thinking hard about what he was going to say while I tried to eat my meal.

And when he finally did say something and started talking in between bites, I just wanted to fall off of my damn chair or…something.

"I've never really had to apologize for anything. I've never wanted to. Saying sorry over the phone was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. But Hermione, I'm not just sitting here talking out of my ass. I'm honestly sorry.

"I lied to you that night about thinking of you 'that way.' I don't. If you really want to know…I uh…well…"

"You can tell me. It's fine. I'm not mad at you anymore, so don't worry about it. I'd just like to, well, _know _why you did it."

"Fair enough… But I guess I'm just confused about myself. Ever since Fleur kinda screwed me over, my head hasn't been in the right place. One day I'll be yelling that I'm straight, but the next I feel like maybe a guy's who I need to be with."

"Is that why you always get so defensive whenever your sexuality comes up?"

"I guess, yeah… Listen, I haven't told anyone this. Only Antoinette, but she knows to keep it a secret."

"I understand…but do you like her?"

"No. No, I don't. I thought maybe I liked you. But Fleur's punch really made me realize that I was letting this question bother me. I was letting it be the driving force of my actions. The way I was sputtering all that nonsense out of my ass that night…it was just my insecurities speaking. I don't know. I guess I am jealous of Fleur, though.

"I mean, look at me. You've hated me for years but now we're actually sitting here having a conversation. You've hated her for years, too, but now look where you two are at. Sometimes I want someone to be with, but then I think I'm stupid for wanting that. I thought I could scare you into leaving her, but you love her too much. I'm an idiot."

"…don't call yourself that. You're human; I can understand why and how you're feeling the way you do. It's normal. Just don't forget that you have friends, Draco. But you won't if you let your anger rule you."

"I'm hardly popular, if you haven't noticed."

"You could be if you'd just be yourself. Fleur and I haven't told anyone what you did, so you do still have the usual suspects to confide in."

"Hmph. Potty and Weasel'd sooner spit in my face than understand what I'm going through."

"Last time I checked, they were gay, too."

"No, no. I mean, they wouldn't understand just because it's _me. _Just like you have a hard time believing me just because I'm _me, _and our history. But I want to trust everyone. I just get the feeling that they'd only laugh in my face. I deserve it."

"Draco, maybe if you just tried…being nice and calmly explaining things to them, they'd understand. Fleur still thinks that I'll laugh in her face if she tells me certain things or acts a certain way. So you're not alone."

"What? She still hasn't let those habits die down with you?"

"Nope.."

"Hmm! Secrecy pact still stands, so do tell." I smiled as he crossed his legs and grinned at me. I think I could get used to this Draco.

"Well, I know you've heard the gossip about our outings in New York."

"Most definitely. The American paparazzi doesn't exactly play nice when it comes to respecting celebrities' wishes about privacy. There weren't any pictures that I know of, but it was all over the news that she was wearing a bad ass suit with you on her arm."

"That's right. But I've been mumbling insults to her in my sleep subconsciously. It was bothering her for about a week or two until I finally broke down her walls the night of the Quidditch party. I just couldn't stand seeing her like that another day. She's just so stubborn sometimes that it pisses me off…"

"You're pretty hard-headed too, you know. I'm surprised I even got you to join me tonight."

"But this is different. She thought it would be better to just keep her frustration bottled inside instead of being straight up with me about the situation. You _could_ say it hurt my feelings…"

"Hmm. Sounds to me like you think she'll only break down when you see the problems."

"Exactly…"

"Ah, such sweet irony. I'm the next act, waiting in the wings. I'm an animal, trapped in your hot car. I am all the days that you choose to ignore. You are all I need. You are all I need. I'm in the middle of your picture, lying in the reeds.

"I'm a moth, who just wants to share your light. I'm just an insect, trying to get out of the night. _I only stick with you because there are no others._ You are all I need. You are all I need. I'm in the middle of your picture, lying in the reeds. It's all wrong; it's all right. It's all wrong…"

"…what song is that?"

"All I Need by Radiohead. They're a British band, mind you. They have a few songs that might tickle your fancy. That song of theirs came out on New Year's Day this year. I was _going _to have you listen to it since I managed to snag the CD early, but you didn't take me up on my offer."

"Sorry. I just wasn't up for it. That encounter of ours at Christmas didn't go over well with me."

"It's fine. But I think that song and the other ones I had you listen to fit you two to a T. It seems to me that you feel Fleur only combs you from the reeds of the ground she treads on whenever she feels like it. But you let her step all over you sometimes because you love her that much. She's all you need, yes?"

"Well…yes."

"And how does it make you feel—"

"Stupid. The song says it all…but I want to be with her, Draco. I want to give her my love and have her love and approval and…"

"But you only say that because you feel that you'd never be able to move on if it ever became too much for you."

I looked down at my almost empty plate in shame. Draco looked at me quizzically before fishing his iPod from his coat pocket and handing it to me.

"It should be the last song on your playlist. Hermione Delacour. Tell me how it makes you feel after listening to it."

I nodded to him and did as I was told. I really like the song a lot…he has good taste in music. I almost couldn't believe that a song with this message could ring so true to me. It was like I was ignoring an entire gap in our relationship or something. But I didn't want to think of it as a gap. I don't know.

Maybe I was just being…insecure.

The last minute of the song really yanked at my heart. The way the piano chords kept building up, the drums, and just…everything…

"It's all wrong…it's all right… Pretty ironic indeed," I mumbled as I took of the headphones sadly and handed his iPod back. He pursed his lips and nodded as he pocketed the device and folded his arms.

"You know, music has the power to change your moods. But don't let it change your love for her. Not all relationships are perfect. To be honest, the fact that this is the only thing about it that bothers you is astounding. Well, other than your…illness. But ahh, that's a little out of our control for now—"

"Now?"

"Err. Yes. Now. So anyway, back to my little problem—"

"No, Draco. What do you mean 'now'?"

"Uhm. Well, Antoinette said she's made a breakthrough with a cure. But she's not entirely sure. Told me to not mention it so I wouldn't get your hopes up."

The way he was speaking very quickly and waving a hand in front of his face made me think otherwise, but I just shrugged and ate the last of my meal. I guess it was a nice break to go out and talk about Fleur and not with her every once in a while. But I was still overtly suspicious about what he was doing a horrible job at hiding from me…

"Don't worry about seeming insecure by just telling her what's on your mind. If she gets pissed off, then that's on her. She knows better, anyway. I think she'd have to be pretty damn insane to let you go because of petty little disagreements. Better to get them out of the way now."

"I think I'll tell her tomorrow…we're going to the Burrow for Christmas dinner. You should come."

"Oh no, no, no. I'll pass."

"But you can't just spend Christmas alone! And what about your coming out? It'll be the perfect occasion."

Draco looked at me like I'd stolen his hair gel from him. I just giggled and sipped a bit of my wine and stared right back at him. After a while, he sighed and rolled his eyes at me.

"They'll just laugh at me."

"Then you can put them in their place and convince them that you're serious. This is important, Draco. You're letting it rule your life. The least you can do is get it out in the open. Besides, I support you. I think that'll help a lot."

"I guess…"

"Good."

"But Hermione…"

"Yes?"

"Is it bad that I find Squall attractive?"

"…no. Why would you think that's bad?"

"He's nineteen. We're twenty-nine."

"He's very mature for his age. I mean, he works for Fleur, too."

"I agree…"

"You should tell him. He'll be there tomorrow. It'll be better than lying in the reeds and letting him walk over you and find someone else."

"Eh…alright. I suppose so."

* * *

He left the bill on the table and we both got up to leave. I thanked him for the date once we got outside, and he smiled and nodded. I was about to go to that same spot to apparate back, but he held my hand and stopped me. I turned to face him and looked at him questioningly.

"Hermione…thank you. I know I probably seem totally out of character with you now, but I honestly consider you one of my only friends. Fleur, Gabrielle, and Antoinette are the only others. I'm still really sorry about how I've been acting until today."

Before I could even say anything, he hugged me. It was a friendly hug, not one that told me he might have still wanted me. A gay Draco was not something I was against, nor was a friendly Draco. I didn't think either one of them to be particularly strange, either. I chuckled and hugged him back.

"Secrecy pact, remember? Don't tell Fleur…or anyone."

"I promise. Don't worry."

We broke apart and he winked at me before strutting back to his car. I watched him go with a smile on my face. I was glad that he wasn't lying to himself anymore. Truly.

If someone like Draco Malfoy could turn around his whole life like this, then I know Fleur could, too. As I turned to go to my usual spot, I smiled to myself.

Now if only I could keep Fleur in line, things would be just peachy. But then again, they already were. I was hardly worried.


	45. Light It Up, Burn It, Incinerate

_**XLVI. **__Light It Up, Burn It, Incinerate_

_(Fleur's POV)_

Christmas dinner with the Weasleys was a very…interesting affair. My family and Hermione's family was here as well. Molly said something about wanting the in-laws to get to know each other now before the wedding. If I didn't know any better, she volunteered to take over a great deal of the wedding plans. Hermione mumbled something about her having things all planned out for her and Ron's wedding while we sat at the table and ate. I rolled my eyes and pursed my lips at whatever fattening meal I was supposed to be eating.

I looked down the table and noticed that everyone seemed extremely happy...for the most part. The table was elongated to fit everyone, but even from this side, I could see everything going on.

But more importantly, Draco was sitting next to Hermione, and I noticed them talking feverishly in hushed voices, hissing and glancing pointedly at someone across the table every now and then. I'm guessing it was something they established last night. I didn't mind; I actually liked that Draco came to his senses and apologized to us. He and Hermione being close was comforting as well.

But I also noticed Harry and Ron bickering over Alain again. Giselle next to me seemed rather unperturbed by everything, and she and I were trying to talk with Dominique and ignore everyone else. I was jealous of their attention span, to be honest. It was a little hard for me to pay attention to the conversation while my entire family was in one room, half of them staring at me, half of them staring at Hermione, and another half talking loudly, obviously a little drunk, and or arguing about something.

"_It's just a little obvious,"_ Dominique said in French with a dismissive wave of her hand. _"He's been trying to hide it for years. I'd tell him and Hermione to keep it down if I were you, Fleur."_

"_What? Hide what?"_

"_The man's obviously gay and interested in a certain brunette, steel-eyed teenager. Or are we imagining things?" _Giselle clarified. I gaped at her.

"_Um…to be honest, I never noticed. But don't you think you should keep your voices down?"_

"_No. Your in-laws don't understand French. They're too busy discussing something, anyway. What exactly is 'football'?"_

"_I don't know…some Muggle sport. But shouldn't we do something about Snooty Face?"_

"_Hmm. Domi, you said Steel Eyes and Gabby are close, right?"_

"_They live together, so I'd assume that much."_

"_Have her do some snooping. Where is she, anyway?"_

"_Uncle Arron is busy eating her up and comparing her to me a few seats down," _I sighed, pointing to my poor sister. Dominique chuckled and got her cell phone out.

"_I'll text her. There's honestly nothing better to do at these kinds of gatherings. No offense, Fleur."_

"_It's fine. I hate these things, too. Besides, getting Snooty Face and Steel Eyes together tonight would be priceless. Much more entertaining than listening to everyone's mindless banter."_

"_My thoughts exactly," _Giselle nodded. She got out her mirror and ran a pinky across the ends of her bangs and observed her face while Dominique was busy texting Gabrielle. That was my cue to look away so no one would suspect that we were up to anything.

"Draco, will you stop being such a prat and go talk to him?" Hermione hissed, barely audible. I pretended to look at myself in Giselle's mirror; both of us could hear the conversation, though.

"He's busy flirting with your cousin! I can't just go interrupt!"

"The kid has nothing on you. You know he likes suave guys! Go be suave! Now!"

"The bloody hell does that mean, exactly?"

"You _know _what it means! Merlin, why are you so difficult?"

"I don't know!"

"Just go!"

"NO!"

"UGH!"

Giselle and I bit our lips to keep from laughing and finally stopped pretending to observe ourselves in her mirror. Dominique gave us a thumbs up; I saw my sister happily glide across the room and over to Squall. I decided to help Hermione along with her frustration and lean on her. She and Draco stopped arguing abruptly, choked up, and looked in opposite directions. I wanted to crack up, but I had to restrain myself.

"So 'ow is dinner going, hm?"

"It's delicious."

"Your plate 'as been empty for at least 'alf an 'our now, chère."

"Errr…it _was _delicious."

"Mhm."

"I need to talk to you."

"I'm listening."

"Not here."

"I'm still listening, and I don't zink anyone else is, eizer. Now what's zis about?"

"Us."

I'd been expecting her to say it was about Draco, but I merely nodded and tried to keep the surprise from my features. I rested my chin on her shoulder right next to her neck and inhaled her scent while I waited for her to either speak up or stand up.

"Um…not now, Fleur."

"Why not..?"

"Because…"

"Because why…?"

"I want to…do something, too."

I barely felt myself smiling like an idiot with my heart pounding in my throat; Hermione was blushing and looking down stubbornly at her empty plate. My father a few seats down was looking at us strangely, but I just smiled at him and went back to admiring the flush of Hermione's cheeks. She's so cute.

Speaking of cute, Draco sitting next to Antoinette was even rather adorable. He was hissing with her, too, and also looking at Squall. She looked quite exasperated, just like Hermione was earlier. I laughed and pretended not to notice them and went back to teasing my sweet.

"What do you want to do, exactly?"

"…you really need to stop talking to me like that…"

"Like what…?"

"Your voice is so…flirty and sexy and husky and low and…n-not now."

"'Ermione, no one is paying attention. Zey may be staring, but zey are probably too busy 'aving 'eated discussions about our bra sizes and not listening in on what we're saying."

"Fleur!"

"What? Just tell me what you'd like to do and I'll leave you alone until you're…ready."

"You're impossible…"

"Impossibly, 'opelessly, and _completely_ in love. Now let's 'ear it…"

I loved how she had her hands on her chair in between her legs, arms erect, and blushing at her plate with pursed lips. It was the most endearing thing ever. People were indeed still staring at us, but I was hardly paying attention to them.

"I'm not going to stop until you tell me some'zing good…"

"…I just want to…kiss…and…touch. You."

"Mmm, touchy-feely?"

"Why do you always giggle about everything…?"

"Because you're so embarrassed. I bet you'd be fine if you were drunk."

"I suppose…"

"We can try some'zing _now _if you'd like, to 'elp loosen you up…"

"N-no…not here."

"Someplace else, zen?"

"Not now…"

"Fine, fine…just tell me what you'd like to do and I'll leave you alone…"

"Fleur, I can't. People are listening…"

She was literally squirming around in her chair, trying to contain herself. It was such a turn on to know that I could do this to her…despite where we were, a few temptations were starting to spring up…

"But love, you're so warm. I bet you're warm in between your legs, too. Aren't you? Tell me…you are. You know you are, but I want to know, too…"

Neither of us seemed to be doing a good job at hiding that we were both quite tempted by the other. I loved it…

"I love 'ow easily embarrassed you get sometimes. I know if we were in a room full of strangers you wouldn't mind telling me what you desire. Face it, 'Ermione – everyone in 'ere knows we're sexually attracted to each ozzer. It just comes along wiz ze publicity…

"Mmm…but I wish you'd tell me some'zing. Some'zing sexy. Any'zing, really. Any'zing you do or say or zink is sexy."

I moved my mouth right to her ear and arched into her a bit while I glided a hand across the back of her steaming neck. Just to make a point of my next statement, I ran my thumb in a small circle on her warm skin while I tickled her ear with my not at all suggestive shallow breaths…

"'Ermione…keep zis up and I may just start touching myself to make ze pain go away—"

"Fleur…stop…"

"Non… I want you to tell me to stop giving it to you too 'ard… I want to slurp your sex right up until I can't take it anymore… I want to slam my 'and into you so 'ard and make you moan louder and louder… I want to please you in every way possible and love you over and over and over again and make you scream my name over and over and over again—"

"I WANT TO KILL YOU FOR BEING TOO DAMN SEXY RIGHT NOW, FLEUR!"

I was smiling sweetly at her for finally caving in. She had stood up during her outburst and sent her chair flying at Draco, who was lying in a concerned Antoinette's lap. Hermione had her arms erect again with her fists balled up, seething at me with everyone's eyes on us. I could practically feel the warmth exuding from her while I tried to keep from laughing.

Aside from my snorts and choked giggles, everyone was dead silent. I don't think Hermione enjoyed it. But I did.

"TACKLE FOOTBALL OUTSIDE! NOW!" Charlie stood up with all of Hermione's male cousins and they rushed outside in a loud racket. Things could have been much more awkward, but for Hermione's sake, I'm glad they weren't.

My male cousins looked at each other uncertainly, but eventually shrugged and went out to the garden with everyone else. All of them looked back at me and grinned, but my attention was all over the attractive, adorable, angry woman in front of me. Hermione looked absolutely appalled at the idea of playing tackle football, as did most of the rest of the people still sitting at the table. Molly eventually ushered them all out to at least watch, but Hermione and I stayed inside.

She calmed down a little and relaxed her fists. I had a curious eyebrow raised at her, waiting for what she was going to do. There was no one around. No one could come in. It was just us here. Alone.

I smiled as she clasped her hands behind her back and bent down to move her mouth to my ear. But the smile was wiped right off of my face as soon as she started talking to me.

"I swear I'll make you pay tonight."

She held my face and kissed my neck, and practically bit it off while she preened me for a few heated moments. But as soon as I cried out for her, she chuckled and skipped outside. I rolled my eyes and put my elbow on the table and propped my head up as I watched her go.

"I love you too, 'Ermione…"

* * *

It was snowing outside, it was cold, and we were all shivering. But Hermione was sweet enough to conjure tiny blue flames for everyone. Her family, and mine, looked very impressed. I smiled pleasantly at her while she went around to everyone while the guys were all dividing up into teams. Draco didn't look very happy when Squall bounced over to the side of people who were actually agreeing to play.

"Oh come on, Draco!" he cooed. "You know you want to!"

"Er…"

"You can join my team," Alain said with a grin. Draco shuffled over to him while Squall grinned merrily at both of them from Charlie's side. "Ron, too."

"Sweet!" Ron said as he hopped over next to Draco and draped an arm over his neck. Draco looked a bit uncomfortable, but he eventually loosened up. I laughed as Harry skulked over to Charlie's team.

"Any other takers?" Charlie boomed across the garden. I rolled my eyes up to the night sky and tried to look inconspicuous, but I don't think it was working.

"The groom's with me! And the tiny redhead!" Alain cheered as he yanked Ginny and I over to his team. They all sniggered at us, and I turned my nose up at them. Draco just winced at me.

"Non…sports and I don't mix."

"It's better than Quidditch, _cousine_. Now stand here."

"I guess I'll take Hermione, then," Charlie said. Hermione looked mortified, and it somehow made me feel so much better. I changed my mind about playing in an instant.

After deciding on teams and Arthur impressing all of Hermione's family with conjuring a mass of chairs, we decided on a line of scrimmage. Giselle and Dominique were sitting with their legs to the side at either side of the goals for my team, chatting aimlessly and not paying an ounce of attention to us, while Gabrielle and Antoinette were doing the same for the other team.

Hermione made necklaces for us to keep her fires in our shirts while we played. I wanted to thank her a little more as she gave me mine last, but ah well. Then again, I really didn't know how the hell to play this sport.

But as long as I got to tackle Hermione, I didn't mind…

"Hmm, okay!" Charlie yelled. "Hermione's QB for our team!"

"Fleur's QB for us!" Alain yelled back. Why were they yelling if we were only a few steps away from each other? And what's a queue bee?

"Are we all staying in full time?" Ginny asked.

"Yeah," George said.

"Okay. What should we flip to see who kicks off?" Bill asked.

"Um…oh!" Squall ran to the middle and beamed at us. "How about we make it a little more interesting? Have Fleur and Hermione kiss for as long as they can. Whoever runs out of breath first loses for their team!"

"Great idea!" Percy was bouncing on the balls of his feet with glee like everyone else. But Hermione certainly didn't think so. But I did. I thought it was a wonderful idea.

Before anyone could even give us any more incentive, I swept forward and kissed her hard. But she was too surprised to stop her automatic reaction of holding her breath and pulling away. Everyone groaned and sighed, but I rolled my eyes and smiled.

"Guess zat means you lose."

"…you could have at least given me a warning."

"Excuses, excuses…"

I pecked her on the cheek to compliment her scowl, then pranced back to my team. Everyone was grinning at me, and I just grinned right back at them before boring my eyes into Hermione's.

"Alright. Harry, you kick off for us. And we'll keep stupid terminology and technicalities out of the game," Charlie said dismissively. "Move out!"

We moved to opposite sides of the garden and I shook my head and got rid of whatever doubts I had about playing this game. Antoinette and Gabrielle gave me a thumbs up and I nodded to them just as Harry kicked the oddly-shaped ball over to us.

I guess I surprised everyone; I wasn't out of shape like _some _people (cough, cough, Draco) and I could actually keep up with their sprint across the garden. Ginny caught the ball and rushed forward. Her small size seemed to work in her favor; she was able to dodge everyone easily. Even in this snow, it wasn't all that hard to run.

I managed to follow her a little father than half way across the field until my cousin Fabien finally got her to the ground. His entire team looked flushed, pinned behind at least one person. I could tell that Hermione might have been trying to get to me to tackle me for no reason; I just noticed that she was on my heel and not Ginny's. I just smiled as we all settled back into that line thing.

"Fleur, do you know how to throw this?" Ron asked as he handed the football to me.

"Ze zreads? I assume I 'old it like zis and zrow like so," I said casually, making a throwing-motion without letting the ball go. I tried to use my hips since I remembered some Muggle man doing the same. The guys looked impressed, but I just shrugged. But I noticed Hermione looking at me wide-eyed, and I winked at her.

"Yeah, that's right," Ron said, also a little wide-eyed. "If no one's open, feel free to rush it yourself. Don't worry about telling me to hike. We'll just do it right away."

"Mmm, alright." Whatever that means.

Ron took the ball and stood in front of me, and everyone else formed a line just in front of him. I guess the sport wasn't so bad if I was playing it. I just don't get why they were bending down. I shrugged and followed suit while the rest of the family cheered and whistled loudly in the background. But before I could even take the opportunity to glance up at Hermione, Ron threw the ball to me from in between his legs.

Panic took over a little bit as I barely caught the ball with my nails; the other team looked way too aggressive, trying to break through mine and attack me. George managed to get free, and so I told myself to throw the ball to him, but someone broke through and made that a little hard for me…

"OOH! SACK!"

Before I could even blink once I realized she was rushing at me, Hermione tackled me to the ground. Alain thwacked Ron on the head for letting Hermione through, and for good reason; I felt like she knocked the wind out of me. She lay with me on the snow for a while as people rushed over to make sure that I was fine.

I looked down at her with heavy breaths; she was grinning wickedly at me. Oh, she wanted to play _that _game… I scowled at her while Charlie and Harry peeled her off of me and Percy helped me up. Squall and Bill were laughing loudly at me, but I just rolled my eyes at them while we lined up again.

"You alright, Fleur?" Ron asked with concern.

"I'll be fine... Just watch 'Ermione."

"She almost punched me to get through to you…"

"Figures…"

I just sighed to compose myself and shook my head. I managed to leer at Hermione this time, and she was still grinning at me. Ron threw the ball to me and I caught it properly this time, only watching her eyes. Everyone else moving around sprung from there, but I made sure to focus on her from now on.

I noticed Draco's blonde head relatively free from surrounding people, and Ron was doing a better job at containing Hermione's excitement at getting to sack me again. I blew a raspberry at her before making eye contact with Draco and throwing the ball to him.

It was a bit of a distance, but he managed to catch it and get pretty close to the goal. But two things happened at the same time that could have been avoided…

Squall had rushed ahead and tackled Draco to the ground face first, but he thankfully didn't let the ball go. And, again, Hermione tackled me, but for no apparent reason this time. I wanted to yell at her, but she just laughed. And, again, I lay on the ground with her after she knocked the wind out of me. People just laughed and shook their heads.

"Hermione, you can't do that," Harry sighed.

"Charlie said no technicalities," Hermione sniffed. Harry and I rolled our eyes.

"That's not what I meant," Charlie said exasperatedly as he peeled her off of me again. Alain helped me up, but we didn't seem to be garnering as much attention as we should have.

Draco and Squall were wrestling right by Dominique who was laughing so hard that I could tell her stomach was hurting. Giselle was laughing just as hard. I went over to them with Hermione floating behind me. She cracked up too when she realized what else was going on.

"Yesss you doooo!" Squall laughed.

"No I don't!" Draco snarled back. They were rolling around and trying to push the others' face in the snow at this point.

"We can take this outside if you want!"

"We ARE outside, you git! Gerroffame!"

"But Dwaaacoooo! I heard from a very valuable source that you have the hots for me! Are you calling me a liar?"

"Get…OFF!"

"Answer me, you twat!"

"OW!"

"Come on, now! Let's hear it! You're gay and you like me, don't you?"

"HERMIONE! DID YOU TELL HIM?"

"SO IT'S TRUE!"

"SHUT UP!"

Everyone was literally on the ground, dying of laughter. I should have been laughing, too, but Draco looked so frustrated. I haven't seen him this red in the face since I, well, punched him in the face… I tried to bend down to help him, but Hermione grabbed me around my waist and yanked me back and onto the snow, forcing me to wrestle with her for no apparent reason…

"What are you doing?"

"This is too good of an opportunity to pass up…"

Before I knew it, nearly everyone was wrestling with someone on the ground, laughing and just having a good time. But Hermione really is a lot stronger than I gave her credit for; I couldn't do anything more but try to keep her face away from me while I lay on the snow beneath her.

She kept trying to roll me over, yank me up and keep my hands off of her, laughing like a little girl and smiling wider than ever. I guess I didn't mind that she was enjoying herself while she nearly ripped my limbs off, and I didn't mind letting her win.

Something was a little off with her. I just felt it. I just smirked at her and tried to enjoy our hitches and heavy breathing. She shoved snow down my shirt and even laughed so hard that I couldn't help but laughing, but I could tell that she might have been trying to hide something. Maybe I did make her too uncomfortable earlier?

I know I could have rolled around with her a lot faster than we were, shoved snow down her shirt, and maybe even bite at her, but I let her win for the most part. Just to be nice, and let her have her way.

For now.

* * *

Everyone went back inside, but Hermione and I lay with each other outside still. Our fires were still going, so I couldn't say that we were cold. We were staring at each other with our noses touching, breathing and giggling down the others' throat.

"So Fleur…when are we going to exchange presents?"

"We can right now."

"I mean actual presents…"

"Same difference."

"Honestly…you're too horny for your own good."

"I love you; what do you expect? You make me feel so warm inside every time I so much as zink of you… I can't 'elp it. And I don't want to."

She shifted slightly and pulled away to prop her head on her hand. I took a deep breath just as a light snowfall came upon us. Hermione absently brushed away bits of melted snowflakes from my lips and I smiled at her, waiting patiently. She looked somewhat worried, but seemed to relax while she could tell that I was restraining myself from kissing her hand.

And I was restraining pretty damn hard, let me tell you…

"And you promise to not help telling me what's on your mind again?"

"Oui. I'll start now – I 'ave a feeling zat some'zing's troubling you."

"How can you tell?"

"Ze cadence of your voice changes when you are worried. Your eyes 'ave zis…edge when you are trying to 'ide some'zing. And aside from zat, I just feel it. I feel you."

No response… I wondered if she was hesitating because she thought that whatever was bothering her was petty? Negligible? Hmm…

I moved my face to hers with her hand separating us just like that night when we woke up from our dreams. I felt those same sensations again. I felt her hesitations in her eyes.

But hell…more than anything, I felt her. And I was so grateful that I could…

"'Ermione, do you know 'ow good I feel right now? I can't remember ze last time my 'eartbeat 'as been at a normal pace. I can't remember ever feeling any'zing less zan complete adoration and respect for you. You know to be aggressive wiz me to pry me open, but I know my words ringing in your racing 'eart work better wiz you. So let me 'ear yours, no matter what zey are. I'll gladly listen."

She moved her hand from in between us and ran it through my hair instead. I traced my eyes along the lines of her eye shadow on the edges of her eyes, by the brim of her nose… And she moved her lips to my nose and took a deep breath as she pulled me closer. I batted my eyelashes against her face before closing my eyes and listening to what she had to say.

"I'm sorry…I was being silly. You have every right to embarrass me in public with that tongue of yours, even if it is around family. Anyone else would kill to be in my shoes. Just forget about it."

"You're sure?"

"Yes. Now let's get back inside. I'm sure everyone's worried about us."

"Mmm…if you say so."

"You don't want to go?"

"…non."

"Why not? My family loves you and—"

I kissed her and told all that she needed to know about why I didn't want to go back inside. She told me she understood. Her tongue did, too.

Her tongue did a very good job of telling me. I loved these conversations we had. Only we could have.

Anyone else would kill to be in my shoes, too. And I hope she knew that…

* * *

Hermione eventually dragged my lovesick self back inside with her. I was holding her hand and slouched down, following her like a puppy while she led me around to mingle with everyone. She eventually settled on having me talk to some of her cousins while she scurried away and let them mob me again..

The perfect trap…

"So Fleur, how are you, how are you?"

"I'm fine, Melanie. Zis is your ahh, boyfriend, non? Ze one you were boasting about?" I said, bored, pointing to the rather tanned man grinning at me right next to her.

"Yes. This is Angel. I told you all about Fleur, honey."

"It's nice to finally meet you, I gotta say! Her parents wouldn't stop talking about you when you disappeared that day you came to see them. I heard that's the same day Hermione proposed?"

"Oui."

"Huh?"

"Er…oui means yes."

"Oh, oh. I forgot you're French."

"Mhm."

"So anyway…"

Angel kept talking, but I was hardly paying attention. He, Melanie, and Hermione's other cousins kept smiling at me. I just nodded and cracked a smile every now and then, pretending to listen.

Where the hell did Hermione go?

Just as I thought that, I saw her giggling at me right next to Molly and Arthur, sipping a glass of champagne with them. I frowned at her and put a hand in front of Angel's face without looking him, then stomped over to Hermione.

"You're such a bitch."

"Told you I'd get you back tonight."

"Whatever…"

"Here, sit. Have a drink."

I sat down on the table next to Hermione and she handed me a glass, and I wished Molly and Arthur would shut up and stop laughing at me. I flashed my eyes at her in thanks and she smiled sweetly before holding her glass out to me.

"A toast. To your demise."

"And your payback tonight," I said flatly as we clinked our glasses together and took a sip. She giggled at me with her glass in her mouth and I rolled my eyes at her.

"You two just look like the perfect couple," Arthur said conversationally as George and Ron came over and smiled at us.

"If you could call us zat, sure."

"A little less than two months and you'll be the perfect married couple!" Molly squealed. They all laughed, but I just shrugged and went back to drinking.

"So when are you two going to be the perfect parents, hm?" George asked with a grin. My reaction was instinctive, and I couldn't help it; I sprayed my drink from my mouth and sat hunched over with the champagne dripping from my chin while they all laughed again. Even Hermione was laughing.

But the mere thought of having kids was so…foreign and daunting. I'm horrible with children.

"Someday soon," Hermione said briskly.

I narrowed my eyes at her; she knows I'm not good with kids. She just smiled and cupped my face in her hand as she sat me up straight and kissed and licked the champagne from my face. Everyone in the house stopped to watch. A lot of them howled and shouted cat calls. Some of them were even trying to conceal a thing or two in their pants.

But none of them were me, and Hermione was the only Hermione in the room. I threw my glass away just as she did and kissed her like there was no one in the room. Like there was no one in the world.

Like it was our first and only time, maybe. I don't know… The occasion called for it. We could be as outlandish with our love as we wanted to; it was Christmas. The way she smiled in my mouth lit me up and made me just…incinerate.


	46. Love Projection

January 31st, 2009 A.D.

_**XLVII. **__Love Projection_

_(Hermione's POV)_

Fleur's been running after the clerks that work for the bridal gown store with a butcher knife for the past month. I was supposed to go in for a fitting ages ago, but they kept pushing it back more and more until, finally, they called me to tell me that the special gowns are in. I wondered what took them so long…

But now that I was finally standing on this stool and trying one on, I understood. Both of our mothers and all the girls were here with me, but Fleur wasn't. She and the guys and our fathers were in the store next door trying to find a tuxedo for her. But I wished I could see her now. Especially right now…this dress was astounding. Ginny certainly seemed to think so.

"Oh Hermione, this is perfect on you! Which designer is it again?"

"Er…Vera Wang."

"And how much is it…?"

"Fleur obviously told the clerks to not divulge that information…so I don't know."

"But what about zis one?" Gabrielle asked, holding up another dress I hadn't tried on.

"No, no, this one!"

"No, this!"

"THIS! It's Ines di Santo; wonderful designer!"

"What's wrong with you? THIS one! Right, Hermione?"

"But 'Ermione, zis one is much better…"

I looked at myself in the mirror while everyone was busy bickering over dresses. I know I should probably at least give them some kind of acknowledgement, but I like this dress. It was the first and only one I tried on, too. And…I don't know. There's just something about it…

White soft silk with an organza sash. Low neckline. It flowed nicely at my feet, too. I smoothed my hands down my waist and tried to imagine Fleur doing the same. My breathing slowed down while I closed my eyes and tried to visualize her in front of me, admiring the dress, me, our day…

I suddenly ached to see her blue eyes light up with approval. I wanted to see her smile and tell me how beautiful I am. And it was oddly warm in here all of a sudden…I could hardly breathe properly anymore. I suppose the butterflies were choosing a good time to attack me while I stared blankly at myself in this mirror.

Just as I tried to come back to reality, I noticed Antoinette gazing up at me from her seat to the side behind me. She had a tinge of worry in her blue eyes. I wondered why. I looked at her questioningly, and she got up and stood at my side. We kept looking at each other in the mirror and she put an arm around my waist while she tried to smile.

"Fleur's probably trying to run out of the store with a stolen suit on to get to you, you know."

"I pondered doing the same with this dress on…but why do you look so worried?"

"It's nothing."

"Antoinette…come on. You can tell me. Everyone's still busy bickering over dresses to hear."

"Fine…I was just thinking back to my old boyfriend. We were engaged for a while. I remember standing right where you are, wishing he could see me right then."

"What happened?"

"I made the mistake of letting him have ownership of everything before we got married. He ran off with everything and left me high and dry. Fleur helped me out a lot, but…I don't know. I guess I'm just paranoid for you."

"She wouldn't do that to me…you've nothing to worry about. Really."

"I know. But you asked, so I told."

"Good."

"But Hermy, just to get off this subject, you should tell them to shut up and that you like this one."

"Oh. Right. But Antoinette?"

"Hm?"

"Could I…have a talk with you the night before the wedding? Fleur and I aren't supposed to see each other, and the guys are taking her somewhere and leaving me home alone."

"Yeah, I'll be there. You're sure it can wait?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Thank you."

"No prob."

Antoinette let go of me and went to sit back down. I noticed the twins smiling at me at my other side, but I just went back to admiring the dress in the mirror. Everyone else was still bickering. I sighed and smoothed down my dress again. I didn't think I'd ever be able to stop doing this. There was just something so entrancing about standing here, imagining Fleur with me. Imagining her admiring me…

And imagining her taking my dress off was just as alluring. Mmm…

It's safe to say that it was a long time before I told them I'd made my decision, but not before turning around and seeing Gabrielle, Ginny, Mrs. Weasley, and my mother covered in dresses from their fighting. I just shook my head and laughed when they finally stopped.

I could only imagine how flustered Fleur might have been right now. The thought put a grin on my face that didn't leave for a very long time.

* * *

When we left the store, I tried to go where Fleur and the guys were at, but Apolline took a hold of my arm and steered me elsewhere. They took me somewhere for an early dinner right down the block. We had a long table to ourselves, and I sat in between Antoinette and my mother.

I think my mother and I were the only ones who noticed that Antoinette seemed a little off while we ate; she kept nudging me and asking what was wrong with her. I chose not to mention her engagement or anything else and tried to eat.

"So it's true?" Ginny asked loudly. "Malfoy's really gay and interested in Squally?"

"Apparently so," Giselle said. Antoinette shifted in her seat, but I pretended not to notice.

"Squall 'as been talking my ear off about 'im ever since Christmas," Gabrielle giggled. "Apparently, poor Draco's too shy to follow up."

"Does Squall even like 'im?"

"Oui. 'E said ze flattery grew on 'im. And ze shyness. Draco's a lucky man."

"Goes to show that even someone like him can find happiness," Mrs. Weasley said with a smile. Everyone except for Antoinette nodded in agreement.

"Speaking of which," Ginny said. "I would have never imagined Hermione marrying Fleur. It was a real shock when she told me they were together, initially."

"But why? Zey compliment each ozzer so well!" Gabrielle said.

"Yeah, now they do," Ginny quipped. "They never got along before."

"I have to admit that I wasn't very fond of Fleur before," Mrs. Weasley said. "But seeing how happy she's made Hermione…I've changed my mind. Fleur's quite the charming woman."

"Just like her mother," mum added. Apolline smiled at her.

"I wouldn't go so far as to say that."

"You don't think Fleur's like you?"

"Hmm…no. Fleur's learned to be the exact opposite of me in every way possible. She's done an excellent job after these long thirty-one years."

"How do you mean?"

"Fleur and I never got along. Gabrielle and I had the same problem. I was unsure of myself as a parent and I didn't exactly rub off on them very well."

"But zings are just fine now, maman. Fleur and I are 'appy."

"I know. I hope things stay this way."

"They will," Mrs. Weasley assured her. "I can hardly imagine how wonderful it feels now, seeing her getting married. Quite the blessing, isn't it?"

"…yes, it is."

Apolline suddenly turned into a mirror image of Antoinette and didn't say anything else for the rest of the meal. Everyone looked at each other uncertainly and decided to leave it at that. They eventually went back to talking about Fleur and I like I wasn't even in the room, and I was hardly concerned about it.

This was a second time that day that someone seemed unsure about our wedding. I know why Antoinette was. Apolline…well…I suppose I knew why she was, too. Her history… I know she probably didn't want to talk about it, so I just smiled when she made eye contact with me and tried to look elsewhere.

I wondered if Fleur was getting any vibes like this from anyone else? I'm sure Lionel was fine about it. The rest of the guys seemed rather bouncy about everything. I know Draco doesn't exactly act like those hyperactive gay men, so he's been rather reserved about things. But I know he's happy for us. What is she doing now though? And why are the twins laughing at me?

"So Hermione, how are you feeling?" Mrs. Weasley asked with a raised eyebrow. Oh.

"I'm…fine."

"Really?"

"…no. I don't know."

"Not 'aving any doubts about my crazy sister now, are we?"

"No, no! I'm just wondering what she's up to…"

"Probably wondering what you're up to. I'd be amazed if she ever zought about any'zing ozzer zan you."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

"'Ermione, ze woman loves you. I zink zat says enough," Giselle told me.

"But it's only natural to wonder if the guys took her out to get drunk or something," Ginny said dismissively.

"I wasn't thinking about that…"

"Well zat says enough too," Dominique chuckled. I smiled and rolled my eyes at her while everyone else kept talking.

All of my friends in this room were to be my bridesmaids. The guys that were with Fleur were her groomsmen. I'm still overwhelmed that all of my close friends were actually going to be watching our wedding in seventeen days. I'm overwhelmed that all my old friends from Hogwarts and the Ministry and my other old jobs are going to be there, too… Our cake's been picked out…Squall's going to be our photographer…but I still need to write my vows.

I can't decide if I should just say something on the spot. What if I mess up? I'd hate myself if I did. I wonder if Fleur's nervous about her vows, too? I'm nervous just thinking for her. I'm nervous just thinking about our wedding day! What if I fall? What if my dress rips? What if she runs out on me?

Would she run out on me…?

"Hermione?"

"Mum?"

"We're leaving now."

"Oh…alright."

* * *

It snowed that night while I sat in the living room with Gabrielle. Everyone else went home, and I had no idea where Fleur and the others were. Gabrielle took my phone away when we were shopping for my dress, and now she was fiddling with it as she sat on the love seat next to me.

I was busy staring out the window, watching the snow fall. And when she finally spoke up, I still kept watching, thinking back to the times Fleur and I'd spent in the snow.

"You zink about 'er all ze time too, don't you?"

"I do. Your sister is…astounding. Amazing. There is no single word that can describe her, Gabrielle."

"I 'ear she's amazing in bed."

"J-just who told you that?" I finally looked at her, and she was giggling so much that I forgot my surprise.

"I just figured she is. She loves wiz 'er body, not just 'er feelings."

"I suppose that's a good way of putting it."

"I'm quite jealous of 'er."

"You've never been in a relationship with anyone?"

"Non. I tried ze 'ole dating zing, but ze guys did not interest me. It's 'ard to find anyone, man or woman, zat I zink I'd be able to stand. Sometimes I zink romance is overrated. Maybe it's just not for me."

"I'm surprised to hear you say that."

"Why? Just because I look so much like my sister? Looks can 'elp manufacture passion and ecstasy, yes, but I'd be much 'appier finding someone 'oo doesn't drool over me on 'is way to my pants. And I'd razzer not look anymore. It may just fall into my lap like ze tissues zat were once in my 'ands."

I widened my eyes at her but she just smiled and pecked me on the cheek. I still couldn't fathom how she literally looked just like Fleur, albeit she had a broad smile on her face all the time. Fleur usually doesn't smile. I don't count her flirty grins as smiles.

But her sister was actually rather flirty, too. In a cute way. It really was a shame that no one good for her has come along.

"But I wouldn't worry about me, 'Ermione. I don't really worry about myself, eizer. People zink I'm immature because I smile and laugh all ze time, but it's better zan brooding about every'zing like Ant—"

"… Like…Antoinette?"

"Er…oui."

"She told me about her boyfriend. And the engagement."

"I guess zat means she'll tell you ze rest, hm?"

"I asked her to come over the night before the wedding so she and I could talk. So I assume she'll tell me then."

"Mmm, oui. She will. As strong as she is, she really is a delicate détente. Just like my sister."

"You three seem to know each other very well."

"Draco is also included in our little square. Adding you is automatic."

"But I still feel like I don't know you four very well."

"If you know Fleur, you know all zere is to know about ze rest of us. But I know 'er too well, I zink."

"Oh really?"

"Oui. Like I can bet you any'zing she's mad right now."

"And just why would she be angry—"

"I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT! Gabrielle! You took 'Ermione's phone on purpose, didn't you?"

I guess Gabrielle was right…

Fleur was towering right over us while the guys were dying on the floor. Draco was the only one still standing, and he was hardly chuckling. Gabrielle was leaning on me for protection and giggling, as usual. I carefully took my phone from her limp hands while Fleur was cussing her out in French and turned it back on.

She called me over a hundred times, obviously freaked out that I hadn't called her back. I was sad to see that she didn't text me at all, but oh well.

I eased my phone down with Gabrielle laughing in my lap and Fleur still going off on her. She was worried that I ran off or something. I felt bad that I didn't even think to call her, but I still smiled at her anyway. The second she looked at me, she understood why I was looking at her this way. She stopped yelling in an instant and moved Gabrielle's legs on top of hers to sit down next to me.

"'Ave a seat, everyone…"

Gabrielle smiled up at me while the guys heaved themselves from the floor and plopped down on seats. George, Harry, and Ron sat on the couch to purposely give Draco very little space between the arm rest and Squall. Draco looked rather uncomfortable sitting so close to Squall, but I just smiled and shook my head; Squall looked rather pleased with their seating arrangement.

Fleur sighed and ran a hand through her hair before slapping Gabrielle's stomach. Gabrielle just giggled again and rolled her eyes.

"You never know 'ow to take a joke, Fleur. Grow up already."

"You never know when to not joke around. But anyway, Squall did you bring it?"

"Yes, boss. George, can you put it in? I'm a tad too preoccupied at the moment…!"

"Sure thing, mate."

Squall stretched his arms and discreetly put one around Draco. I snorted with laughter while George went over to the DVD player to put something in. Fleur put an arm around me and I leaned into her. Gabrielle made a face and stuck her tongue out at us, but Fleur and I just rolled our eyes. Harry and Ron followed suit when George finished.

But the screen didn't show anything at all. Everyone except for Fleur and I had their eyes closed, like they were listening intently to something that wasn't there. I didn't get it.

"'Ermione…"

"Fleur…?"

"Close your eyes and listen. Don't watch."

"Why?"

She didn't answer me. I swallowed and decided to just listen to her. As soon as I closed my eyes, I heard something…but it was in my head. I don't think anyone else could hear it. In fact, I'm positive no one else could…because it was her talking to me. I felt her inside of me, and not just in my head…

Fleur was speaking to me…but I think she was thinking to me. She didn't have an accent. It was so strange to not hear it, really. But I think I liked her voice with or without an accent. I liked her, anyway…

"Hermione. Hmm, feels strange to hear me say that correctly, doesn't it? It feels strange hearing myself speak like a human being, really. I was never very fond of my accent. I wish I could at least say your name correctly. One day. I promise to practice some time.

"I know you don't get what's happening. But I asked Squall for a favor after that night on Halloween in the office. He's good with video and audio, not just photography. Add some magic, and you have a thought transmission with whomever you have your arm around. We've pondered selling this little invention of ours for the company, but I'd rather keep it between friends.

"Gabrielle can't hear me right now. She knows what's going on. And not just with these thoughts. She and Antoinette know what you're going through. I bet you don't even know about it yourself, do you? Well, like I said, I could sense it. I feel it every day. You're so good at hiding it that you don't even feel it. I admire you for that, you know. I really do…"

A white void appeared in my mind and I heard footsteps coming from the direction of my arm. Fleur came into view and sat down. She wasn't smiling. I wanted to ask why she wasn't smiling, but I felt something heavy pull my throat down with my heart. She ran her finger in circles on the ground by her foot and sighed. Why did she look so sad…?

"I look sad because I am sad, Hermione. Your sleep talk makes me like this. But I do such a good job at hiding it while I'm awake, though I don't forget the feelings. You, on the other hand, are different. You're strong. You have no doubts about me, but I doubt myself.

"You're going to forget, and that will be your cure. You're going to want me in your life, but you won't recover if I'm around. The reason my mother's lover died was because my mother refused to let her be….

"How long must we be apart, you ask? I don't know. A few days or weeks, perhaps. Maybe even years. It all depends on you. I'm just…scared to death that I won't be able to kiss you without your approval. I'm mortified of going even one whole day without your touch.

"Hermione, I literally just want to cry right now…I can't do this. I can't be selfish and steal your heart while you recover, but I know I'm going to be tempted like hell. I can't be around you or else you'll develop a barrier for me. And I hope you know that you can't store the memories of this conversation. You're going to forget."

What? NO! Why can't I remember? What's the point in you telling me this if I'm going to forget?

"Because, it's eating me alive…you have a subconscious fear of forgetting everything, too. But you do such a good job at hiding it…I almost hate you for it. I can see it in your eyes. But I need to tell you this. I need to say everything before I break down.

"I have an easier time talking to you when I don't think you're listening to me. And the prospect of you forgetting is essentially the same. But Hermione…if a year from now, you dream of me crying for you, then you won't be able to deny that I still have an influence on you. But you're going to want to deny it. And that's okay…

"Seems that the L word's going to bite me in the ass one last time before I pass on. Homophobia, denial, resistance…it'll all be there. But to hell with it all. I'll show you true respect and adoration and…addiction. Obsession…

"Love, Hermione. I'll show you true love. Even if you don't want it, I will show you. And I swear on my life I'll show you every drop of what you mean to me. I'm marrying the woman I love in seventeen days. Don't worry about what will happen after the marriage. I'll take care of it. I'll see you when you wake up. I love you, Hermione. I'll never be able to say it enough…but I'll keep trying."

And then it happened just like that…everything faded to black and I drifted off. I couldn't even…think.

I only felt her inside of me. Which me, I didn't know…


	47. Last Celibacy

February 16th; Hell night of separation.

_**XLVIII. **__Last Celibacy _

_(Fleur's POV)_

I lay in Draco's bed in his bedroom alone while the guys and a lot of my employees and family members were busy having a so-called bachelor party downstairs. It was quiet in here. This bed of his is quite comfortable, too. But I don't want to be here…

Last night is where I want to be. Sitting with her, watching the snow fall from our bedroom…

"_Fleur, it'll be fine. Think of it as decoration before the festivities. You'll enjoy me that much more once you finally see me."_

"_I 'ate zis tradition no matter 'ow you suggest I zink of it as. I want you…I just want to be wiz you. Always. And I don't know why I just feel like crying right now…"_

"_Come here…"_

Hermione held me tight and slowly rocked me back and forth as we sat on our bed. The duvet was wrapped around us and covered me up to the brim of my nose. I shut my eyes against her bare chest and gently scratched my fingernails across the smooth skin of her back. For once, I didn't feel stupid that I was holding her with such want and clinginess and need.

"_You can cry. It's okay. You know I won't mind."_

"_Speak to me…tell me some'zing… Any'zing. Please. I don't want to cry, but I want to 'ear your voice."_

"_Mmm…well, I want you to know that I feel so blessed to be marrying you. Two days from now, we'll be on our honeymoon. Can you believe that? I can. Do you hear my heart beating?"_

"_Oui…it's fast. And loud. And…comforting."_

"_That's right…and it's just going to get faster and louder as our day draws nearer. I've been nervous from time to time, but now it's starting to consume me. But I like the nerves. They're comforting to me, too. Sitting here, with you so close to me…it soothes me and makes me even more nervous at the same time. _

"_Of course, that doesn't make any sense. But nothing really makes sense anymore when you're in love. It just…is. Sense goes out the window just like your dollars and cents whenever you want to impress me. Like now, you want to cry but you don't know why…even though I'm right here. Odd, isn't it?"_

"_It is…but I wouldn't give up ze feeling for any'zing. I literally just want to melt into you with a love-filled shame for 'ow much I adore you. Worshipping you is all I can do to tell you 'ow much you mean to me, 'Ermione. I love you so much…"_

"_And I love you just as much. Maybe even more…"_

"_Prove it."_

"_Hmm? How, exactly?"_

"_Tell me what you'd love to see me do for you if I 'ave to chase after you again…"_

"_Fleur…"_

"_I'm not denying ze possibility. So please…tell me."_

She took a deep breath and smoothed a shaky hand across my hair. It was a long while before she spoke up again, but I still admired how her heart beats began to sound erratic in the mean time. They'd slow down, then speed up when she'd inhale sharply. Her hand was consistent with stroking my hair, and her body kept warming up in my arms.

I felt her nerves prod my eyes open just as she rested her face on my head. I felt her heart beats beat out a small smile on my face while I kissed her chest. I took a moment to lick her just under her collar bone; she tasted too good to resist. I sighed and went back to resting my head where I'd just licked her and nuzzled her a bit.

"_You really do love me, don't you?"_

"_Mmm…such a silly question, 'Ermione. But yes…yes, I do love you. But zere are many ways of saying it…especially when ze person you're telling it to does not wish to 'ear it. So I'd like your advice."_

"_I suppose you're right… I did think about it just now. I remember…when I was little, I used to dream of the man I loved running after me, no matter where we were. I even toyed with the idea of playing hard to get, just to see how long he'd keep after me._

"_Ron sort of did that… You never really had to. Not in that sense. But I want you to be you. I want you to take me atop the highest cloud and dance with me. Scare me with the possibility of falling, but never let me go. Scare me with the truth that I'll never find another love like yours. Break down my walls… Show me everything you've shown me up until I forget…"_

"_Hmm… Such great expectations...zey make me sick and high. Zey make me ill and dry. But I'll meet zem...to meet your lips once more. Don't you worry…"_

"_You're not…scared?"_

"_Petrified, love…mortified to ze point of nausea. But I'm going to sit 'ere and kiss ze pain away while I can. Right…now…"_

"Fleur? Why are you hiding in here?"

"Squall…let me be."

"You're thinking about Hermione, aren't you?"

"Yes…now let me keep zinking about 'er and go back downstairs."

"…no, Fleur. Come on."

"Why?"

"The whole point of you being here and not at home is so you can not think about her. Now come on."

"I don't want to."

"Such a baby…"

"I don't care, now go."

"No. If you're not going downstairs, can I at least talk to you?"

I sighed and turned to face him. He looked rather upset. I patted the space next to me and he crawled in bed with me and sighed. He held me with that same kind of need that I gave Hermione last night… I just ran a hand through his soft hair and waited for him to speak up.

"Draco's a complete…"

"Idiot?"

"Homophobic idiot."

"'E is playing 'ard to get, hm?"

"Yeah…big time. He refuses to be within a yard of me. Doesn't help that he's drunk now. He almost hit me when I tried to ask what his problem is."

"'E did, hm? Well…zat makes me re-zink some'zing I was going to ask 'im."

"What were you going to ask?"

"I'll tell you later. But now, I zink you should just ignore 'im. 'E is ze type of person zat loves being chased and adored. If you suddenly stop paying attention to 'im, 'e will come crawling back to you. Just laugh in 'is face when it 'appens."

"I didn't think this whole love thing was so complicated…why does he act like this?"

"I don't know. But if you love 'im, keep at it. 'E is worz ze effort. Even zough 'e is a bit big-'eaded, 'e 'as a good 'eart."

"If you say so…but what were you going to ask him? I'm curious."

"I was going to ask 'im to be my best man. But now zat I zink about it, I'd like to ask you instead."

"Me?"

"Mhm. Remember when we met in Florence? You taught me a valuable lesson about 'ow to sit and console someone I care about. I've 'ad to do zat for 'Ermione a few times…and I'm so glad zat I learned from you.

"Ze night of ze runway when we ran off…she told me she wasn't going to let me go. She learned 'er lesson ze first time…just like I said when I told you I learned my lesson about comforting ozzers when zey are crying. When she told me zat…it really yanked at my 'eart, Squall.

"Ze time we spent in Florence was what got our relationship off ze ground in ze form of broken glass. Now it's sculpted into zis beautiful zing we call love…for now. You 'elped to give us zat opportunity…wizout you, I don't know where I'd be right now. I might even be dead. I don't know."

"Fleur…you can't be serious about being dead. But of course I'll be your best man! I never really thought I had much of an influence on you two. I was just the kid who got kicked out of his family, practically."

"Zey don't know what zey 'ad, Squall. I bet zey miss you now. If it's one zing I'll never forget…'Ermione said you never know what you 'ave until it's gone. But if you love it enough, it will come back to you."

"Well, I don't love them. I'd rather stay here with you guys. You are my family. I think you and Gabrielle are like the older sisters I was supposed to have. My siblings are complete assholes."

"Just like Draco?"

"Hmph. No, Draco's far worse. Such a pain in the ass. But I still like him a lot…I don't know."

"I could say ze same about 'Ermione…sometimes she is unbearable, but I love 'er anyway."

"Hah, yeah. Hermione only does certain things 'cause she knows it makes you mad. But I do agree with her; you are quite sexy when you glare at people."

"'Earing zis from a gay man is makes it zat much more true, I suppose." Squall giggled and pulled away a bit to look at me properly. I was glad he didn't look upset anymore.

"Hey, but did you insinuate earlier that Hermione's going to forget about something?"

"Ah…oui. I 'aven't told anyone, really. But you know she 'as a disease, non?"

"An incurable disease?"

"It is curable…but she 'as to forget about 'er love for me in ze mean time."

"Whoa! No way…no. That's…messed up. How is that possible?"

"Ze body is a powerful defense mechanism against 'arm."

"That's true…so you're going to get her back, right?"

"I 'ope so…"

"No, you will. I'm your best man, so I'm gonna make sure that happens! Besides, I might be busy chasing after Draco, too. We can help each other out."

"Mmm…alright, if you say so."

"Now come on! Your family and the co-workers left. It's just the guys downstairs. And George got you something."

"Ah…fine, fine."

Squall beamed at me and kissed me on the cheek before dragging me out of bed to hurry downstairs. I couldn't help smiling at his energy, to be honest. It's times like these that make me realize it's not what you know sometimes…

It's who you know. And I'm very, very glad that I knew Squall.

* * *

"WOOO! FLEUR, FINALLY! COME SIT!"

They plopped me down in Draco's most comfortable chair and circled me. Harry and Ron were somewhat drunk, but George and Squall seemed to be the only sober ones. Draco was grinning wickedly at me with a piece of paper in his hands.

"Alright, soooo Fleur!" he slurred. Everyone except for Squall laughed. I just winced at him. "Tell the truth – have you ever had any fantasies about banging Granger with a strap-on?"

"Err…non." These types of questions have been commonplace ever since they took me tuxedo shopping. I was essentially used to it by now. And their incessant giggling.

"Do you wannnnttt to?" Ron asked loudly.

"I think she doooessss!" Harry said shrilly. I grimaced and shook my head.

"I 'onestly 'aven't zought about it."

"You sure? It's okay if you have," George said.

"Now zat you mention it—"

"YOU WANT TO!" Ron squealed. I stared at him.

"Non…and I zink discussing it wiz 'er would be entirely too awkward."

"But she's insanely curious about how it feels," Harry said chattily. "And she trusts you, soooo…."

"And just 'ow do you know she's curious about any'zing?"

"She told us about a dream she had," George said with a wave of his hand. Draco smiled and sat down on the floor, looking up at him like a puppy. "The recurring one, you know."

"What dream?" I pressed, insanely curious.

"Squall, you know it, right? Pretend you're Hermione and tell Fleur what it was."

"Um…okay."

Squall looked at George uncertainly before standing right in front of me. He held out his palms for some reason and cleared his throat. His fake English accent was priceless.

"So I had a dream last night that I was on the Hogwarts Express. Then, out of nowhere, Squall comes along and puts his hand on my breast." He made a circular motion with his left hand and I snorted to keep from laughing. "And then Gabrielle comes along and puts her hand on my other breast." Another circular motion with his right hand. I was threatening to explode with giggles. "And then Antoinette comes along and puts her hand on my other breast." I died with laughter… "Oh yeah, in this dream, I have three breasts."

Squall cracked a smile while we were all busy laughing, but he wasn't done yet. I calmed down a little and gave him my attention.

"And last but not least, Fleur…my God…Fleur comes along and rams into me from behind so hard that she pressed me in between Gabrielle and Antoinette and made me kiss them both. I think they're secretly together. Are they? I have to ask them. But anyway, don't tell her, but I think I'd like it if she surprised me with a strap-on one night. A magical one. George, you know…"

And that's when George dropped the thing in my lap. I raised my hands and cringed in disgust while everyone except for Squall rolled around on the floor laughing.

"Your…wedding present…from all of us!" Ron giggled.

"Zis is…some present… Why didn't she want you to tell me?"

"Because," Squall said with a wave of his hand. "She was embarrassed because of how good it felt to her. She said she literally felt the penetration and it was good. Personally, I envy her vivid ass dreams. I've never even done it but she's practically had more experience than I have."

"Oh…but what did she mean by a magical one?"

"You'll see…when you use it," George said while he wiped his eyes.

"Um…very well…"

"We can give you some tips if you'd like," Harry said nicely. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Would you like examples?" Draco asked.

"Non…"

"Not with us you perv! The internet!"

"Internet?"

"Yes! Haven't you heard? The internet is for porn."

"…really?"

"Yes, yes. What else do Muggles use it for?" Ron said casually.

"Downloading m—"

"PORN!" They all said in unison.. Well, not Squall. He just glared at Draco and rolled his eyes.

"Don't tell us you haven't ever seen porn before!" George said.

"Eh…"

"Be honesssttt!" Ron sang.

"Lesbian porn," I mumbled.

"Oh, oh!" Draco said excitedly. "That's the best kind. I watch it all the time!"

"No gay porn for you, Malfoy?" Ron asked.

"Oh no, no, Weaselbee." Draco shook his head. I felt mine warm up considerably. "A part of me still likes to hear a woman's cries of pleasure. Potter! Go to my laptop over there and pick something out."

"Alright, alright…"

I couldn't believe this. I know most of what they talked about was sex for the most part, but this was ridiculous. Squall and I never joined in their conversations, and George only chimed in on occasion. But I don't think Hermione would like to find out that I was here watching porn while she was home alone. Squall could see it in my eyes while everyone else was busy chatting about who knows what…

"You look concerned about something."

"'Ermione…"

"Oh, Fleur. I bet you anything she's watched porn before."

"I made 'er watch it once, yes…but zat was way back when we started dating."

"And I'm sure she's watched it plenty of times after that."

"I don't zink so…"

"And I bet she's wanked to it, thinking about you."

"Squall!"

"I'm being realistic, here. She has a sexual imagination, too. I'm baffled that you haven't fantasized about making love to her with a strap-on, too! Or are you just that innocent?"

"Pssh. Fleur's hardly innocent," Draco spat. Ron and George laughed while Harry came over to us with the laptop. "She knows the ropes. She'll be showing Granger just how innocent she is one night very soon, though. I bet the woman'll never be the same when it comes to sex. Potter, put it on her lap and let's have a watch."

Harry rolled his eyes at Draco and did as he was told. George took the strap-on from my lap and set it someplace else. They all surrounded me like kittens to watch, but I honestly wanted to look away.

But I heard…music. Violins? Something came up on the screen. Eugene, 2nd album 810303? Wuthering Heights? There were some words in Korean on the side, too. And I heard…clicking. Like snaps. Was this a tango? Women were on the screen, yes. But it was short shots of one of three, and it was just their faces and busts. And they were wearing clothes. Black or white suits that hugged their curves nicely. And astounding make-up…

But when it did click every five seconds or so, it showed a split shot of a woman and a man curved to the side, holding each other. The man would run his hands down the woman's torso and preen her neck. The next one showed him dipping her and their lips staying oddly close to the others'. This was a…music video….

It was not porn…

When the music started to fade out with the violin note going, I heard three shallow breaths from a man…like, sexy suggestive shallow breaths. I should do that to Hermione more often…

These women could dance…and sing. In Korean. If that isn't the most random language… But this was such a nice tango. It was incredibly sexy, too…

"Your body becomes music and you two melt into one another. Sexy, svelte, romantic fun," Draco whispered. We all nodded numbly in agreement.

"Hermione would absolutely die if you could sex her like this sometime," he continued. "You need to be more romantic. More, more, more…you have a long time together, so you'd better make the best of it." We all nodded again, even though he was only talking to me. I think.

"And another thing," Squall mumbled. "From everything she's told me, I bet you anything she's too modest to say she'd be blown away if you were ever overtly romantic with her. Not necessarily slutty, flirty, or raunchy. But just this – romantic in a sexy way. Then you could whisk her back home and sex her right up." We all nodded again, but Draco did a double-take and the song ended. George, Harry, and Ron went to the kitchen and offered to take me, but I declined.

"Since when are you Mr. Suave?" he quipped.

"Since I learned that people can act one way but want something totally different."

"Hmph." Draco closed the laptop and shoved Squall to stand with him in front of me. "You're such a sensitive little bitch, you know that? I can't believe I was ever attracted to you."

"You're such a shallow little coward!" Squall hissed. I watched the red grow in both of their faces, but decided to let them be and just watch. "So you do like me! What's wrong with you?"

"I don't like you—"

"Bullshit! You're just a fucking homophobe! Make up your mind about what you want in life before coming in mine! Now it's gotten to the point where I actually think you're worth something to me! Doesn't that mean a damn thing to you?"

"No. All you gay men are the same. Always wanting to argue and talk shit out like women."

"What? Do you not realize that Fleur's right here in front of us?"

"I can say whatever the hell I want. You'll still like me, no matter what I say. Might as well take advantage of it."

"You insolent little cod! You're the one who's ten years older than me! Shouldn't you know a thing or two about respect? I can't believe I gave you a chance, even after everything Gabrielle told me about you!"

"Again. Sensitive. Little. Biiiittchhh."

"Goddamnit, Draco! I hate you! I hate your life! Go fuck yourself to see if you're really gay. I don't have time for this." Draco just smirked and moved unusually close to Squall. Squall choked up and looked down at him with steaming eyes, balled fists and gritted teeth.

"Funny, isn't it?" Draco whispered. "When the person you hate the most is all you can think about?"

"I don't want to hate you!" Squall hissed. "I just want a simple 'Yes, Squall, I love you, too'! Is that so much to ask for?"

"But that's no fun. Fleur, don't you agree? Forbidden desire and unquenchable, inexplicable thirsts for the person you detest the most are most exciting. To hell with the romantic, googly-eyed declarations of love, Squall. Lust and passion – that's what I want from you."

Draco ran a finger up Squall's Adam's apple to his nose and blew him a kiss before shoving him again.

"Rage more, Squally. I know you have some aggression past this little bitch face of yours. It'll be a long time before you call yourself Squall Malfoy if you don't bring it out and let me kiss it. Now get out of my house. You don't have time for this, so why stay?"

Squall flared his nostrils and snorted at Draco. I was expecting him to turn on his heel and leave just as the others came back from the kitchen and asked me what was going on, but he kissed Draco... Hard.

It seemed like it lasted forever, and I think Squall nearly ripped Draco's face off from gripping it so hard… Draco's eyes nearly bobbed out of their sockets and he tensed up. Just as it looked like he was about to kiss back, Squall pulled away and gave him a harsh glare..

Then he left.

Even after the loud door slam, we all sat in silence, staring off in the distance in complete shock. Draco's mouth was hanging open and he was glaring at his door down the hall. Harry, George, and Ron weren't breathing, and I was gripping the chair so much that my knuckles were whiter than usual. Draco eventually sighed and licked his lips before resigning himself to sitting on his floor.

"Where'd you find that kid again, Fleur?"

"Florence…'e is Italian."

"No wonder. Italians have such wild tempers."

"You brought it out," Harry said.

"I didn't mean it."

"Are you really homophobic? It doesn't make sense that you hang around us all the time. George is the only straight one here."

"I guess I just don't like that you all know. You laughed at me."

"We were laughing with you, mate," Ron pointed out. "Squall hates homophobes for the obvious reason that he's gay, but his family disowned him because of it."

"Now you're sitting here and doing the same thing to him, and after he finds out that you're attracted to him?" George asked tartly. "You hit his soft spot, even though a part of you was trying to rile him up. You can't do that."

"I had no idea…"

"Well, now you know. And now you need to run after him and apologize," Harry said calmly. Draco snorted.

"Let him cool off."

"No, Draco," I muttered. "Go after 'im."

"Why should I—"

He understood when he looked at me and saw the glare in my eyes. He knows what I'm going to face. Not another second went by before he grabbed his keys and wallet from the kitchen and ran after Squall.

"Well that was…odd," Ron said after an awkward silence.

"I guess," George shrugged.

"It's late," Harry pointed out. "Maybe we should turn in."

"I zink I'll wait up for zem."

"You sure?"

"Oui. 'E showed you ze free rooms. 'Elp yourselves."

"Alright…don't stay up too late. We have to be up bright and early."

"I know…"

Harry and Ron went off to one of the guest rooms, but George stayed with me. He turned off the lights and handed me a wine cooler before plopping down on the couch. I thanked him and took a sip while he stretched and sighed.

"Still kinda hard to believe we're relaxing the night before your wedding at Malfoy's place. Malfoy who just got burned by Squall, no less."

"Mmm…Draco 'as been a good friend of mine for a while, so I don't zink I can relate."

"Oh, I see. But what did he mean by that whole desire and thirst for the person you hate the most thing?"

"I zink 'e was trying to insinuate zat 'Ermione will grow to 'ate me but will still want me. Some'ow."

"And is that appealing to you?"

"I don't know…but 'Ermione is appealing to me, and zat is all zat matters. She is most appealing indeed…"

"Ahh…true, true. But have you written your vows yet?"

"Oh, FUCK!"

"I guess that's a no," he chuckled in between sips.

"'Ow could I forget? Damnit."

"Hey, you still have time. In fact…here." He conjured a mass of rolls of parchment for me and a few quills and some ink. "Have at it. But try to get some sleep tonight, okay?"

"But George…I don't even know what to say."

"That's the best part. But all it is is a declaration of your love for her to all of us. Just be…svelte, smooth, and romantic. You know. Something she'll never forget…disease or no disease."

George got up and clapped me on the back before leaving me alone. The light from outside was plenty for me to write…but what the hell am I supposed to say?

"Svelte, smooth, and romantic, hm? Ugh…"

I dipped a quill in the ink and sighed as I made it to the parchment. Maybe if I just…jot down ideas, it will help. I don't want to read something verbatim. I suddenly found that I was too nervous to write much of anything, really. I sighed and tried to ignore the nausea from all the butterflies. I needed to focus on this…now. Not the prospect of our wedding, but…this. This is important…

_Just say…how grateful I am to have her in my life. But isn't that so typical? I want to be atypical with this. I need to prove to everyone, not just her, that I'm truly in love with her. It's just ironic that I have no problem kissing and flirting with her in public, but now I choke up when I actually have to say things. Hmm…_

I took a moment to recline and think about…her, obviously. I just imagined her strutting down the runway after me. Those dark chocolate tresses bouncing angrily with her, her russet eyes singing my back like a laser…and how she still got me to trust her that night. And the running… God, the damned running…my lungs hurt just thinking about it. But that night was so pivotal. Both of those days we spent there were, really…

And then it came to me…

I stayed up for hours just jotting down phrases and ideas and memories and feelings. I practically drew out her beauty and amazement with my words on parchment, with dabs of how proud and astonished I am to be marrying her…

And that is exactly what I'm going to do tomorrow.


	48. Love Is Love

Still February 16th. Hehe.

_**XLIX. **__Love Is Love_

_(Hermione's POV)_

Antoinette and I were sitting in the living room talking that night. We must have been talking for hours, because it was really late and she's been here for a while. I really wasn't thinking about the time, though. We talked about Fleur a lot. And the wedding. Her boyfriend came up here and there. I suppose it was nice to actually have a conversation with her since I really didn't know her very well until tonight.

She was doing a good job of keeping my nerves from consuming me, and I was glad. But there was something else bothering me. I just noticed it when I looked down at the glass table separating us and saw our reflections.

"Antoinette?"

"Yeah?"

"I just noticed that you look a lot like me. Or I look like you."

"Oh. Yeah, sorta."

"Do you think Fleur's noticed the resemblance?"

"Probably."

"Hmm…do you think you could do me a favor, then?"

"I think I can. What is it?"

"Take care of her for me a little more."

I stopped looking at her in the mirror and glanced up at her. She nodded just as I heard a knock at the door. Or, really, whoever was there was trying to break it down. I grunted and went to open it, but as soon as I did, I was nearly trampled by Gabrielle, Harry, Ron, George, Ginny, Charlie, Percy, and Bill. They pushed me aside and gestured for more people to hurry up and come in.

Before I could even say anything, the entire lower floor of my house was filled with people, strippers, a bartender in the kitchen, laughter, hooting and cheering. I gaped at everyone while I tried to close the door, but I got ran over by Squall and Draco rushing in out of nowhere. Draco was chasing Squall around and in between everyone and everything in the house while Dominique and Giselle came in the door and helped me up.

"Wh-what's going on here? No one told me about this!"

"It's called a surprise," Dominique shrugged.

"And a very good one at zat. It was Gabrielle's idea."

"Oh…but why is Draco chasing Squall? And why—"

"HERMIONE!"

Ginny, Gabrielle, Charlie and Ron brought me back in the living room where a strippers' table with a pole appeared where the table once was. They threw me on the table and made me sit against the pole while a stripper came and started dancing right on top of me. A _male _stripper!

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON?"

"What was zat, 'Ermione?"

They turned up the music so loud that I couldn't even hear myself think. My mouth was hanging open with my nose turned up while they turned the lights out and had colored ones flashing around like some rave party. I tried to close my eyes and compose myself, but the man bent down and almost straddled me. Did I mention that he had nothing but a thong on?

"So you're the lucky bride, eh? It's nice to meet ya. I'm Tidus."

"…pleasure."

"They said they didn't see the harm in this because you're a lesbian. You really should loosen up, you know!"

"And it's _because _I'm a lesbian that I don't want you this close to me! Get OFF!"

"Aww, Hermione!" Ron cooed. "Enjoy it while you can!"

"Aren't you supposed to be with Fleur right now?"

"She's still where we left her. We just snuck out!" Harry said. I frowned.

"Why are all these people here? And…Tidus, will you stop? GET OFF!"

"Oh come on, Hermione! This is your last night to be free!" Ginny said happily. I glared at her.

"Since when do I care about that?"

Giselle shook her head as she came over to me and took me by the hand and into the kitchen. Dominique shoved Percy up with Tidus to keep them entertained. It worked – none of them followed me. I could only imagine how awkward Percy felt, and I didn't want to see.

I took a deep breath while Giselle sat me down at the bar. The bartender looked at me with concern while she prepared a drink for me.

"You don't look too hot."

"If your friends came in your house with strippers and a bunch of random people, you wouldn't, either."

"To each her own, I guess. Here."

"I'm not thirsty."

"What? Why not?"

I swallowed air and all of my nerves came up again in an instant. I clutched my stomach and rested my head on the table, but it didn't help at all. It really didn't help that I remembered Fleur and I having sex on this same marble counter…

"Tifa, maybe you should learn to not let Gabrielle bully you into bringing your entire bar in someone's 'ouse again," Giselle said quietly while Dominique came and sat next to me.

"That woman's feisty, I tell ya. I couldn't say no after she threatened me with that broken alizee bottle…"

Gabrielle… I know she had fun in mind with this, but this is not my idea of fun. I heard glass breaking and people practically having sex somewhere by how much they were hissing and groaning. I shut my eyes to stop my anger from building, but it didn't help at all. My temples were pulsing and I had to grit my teeth to keep from crying out in irritation.

"'Ermione?" Dominique prodded me once but I didn't budge. "I told Gabrielle she would be upset about zis…"

"Do you want us to leave?" Tifa asked. I couldn't nod or shake my head, so I just shrugged.

"She's probably concerned about everyone trashing ze 'ouse. _You _can stay, but I zink Giselle and I will work on getting everyone else out. 'Ermione, try to drink some'zing, even if it isn't alco'ol. You look feverish."

"I'll try. Thank you."

They both rubbed me on the back before getting up to shoo everyone out. Tifa poked me once and tapped my glass with her nail. I sat up with my head on my hand and tried to drink; it was only iced tea. I looked up at her big brown eyes giving me a concerned gaze under her brown bangs. I mumbled some kind of thank you for the drink while she shook her long hair over her shoulder.

"How come you're so upset? Is it just because my stupid customers can't control themselves?"

"Yes…and the stripper. I don't feel right having anyone do that to me if it's not her…"

"Hah. You're pretty loyal to her. I know most others would die to have a blonde like that ride them."

"I don't know…it all happened so fast. I wasn't expecting it at all."

"Hmm, well, that's the whole idea behind a surprise. But it's never really a surprise if you don't like it."

"No, I don't…"

"You're pretty conservative when it comes to these kinds of things, hm?"

"I suppose so…"

"Well, I'm glad your heart isn't like that. I hear you and Fleur are quite happy together."

"We are. And I don't think she'd be happy to hear about this, especially if I participated in…whatever's going on. I know I'd probably be a little upset if she did."

"You're a real sweetheart. She's lucky. The marriage is today, right?"

"Today…?"

"Yeah. It's two in the morning—"

"Oh no! I need to go to bed! I haven't been able to sleep all day… Ohh I'm going to murder Gabrielle…"

"I second that… But just for kicks, I'll leave a few of my specials here for you and Fleur to try on your free time. I can definitely see why she was plastered at my bar for months around this time last year…"

"Huh..? Oh…during my…accident."

"Yeah. She would always come in at two in the morning and sob to me over drinks. I'd listen patiently and help her through it. I think her friend Antoinette told me I'm the reason why Fleur didn't kill herself. She just needed a friendly stranger to talk to."

Tifa flicked her wand after leaving some drinks in the refrigerator and the kitchen went back to normal. The house was silent now. Giselle came back in to tell me she had everyone leave. I thanked her and said goodnight before she and Dominique left. I felt a little bad that I couldn't have at least talked to my other friends, but…I'd see them later.

But…this was the woman who kept Fleur alive during those months? I never would have imagined meeting someone like her at a time like this, to be honest.

"Tifa?"

"Mmm?"

"Thank you. Not just for the drinks and the company."

"For Fleur? Oh, it's no trouble, Hermione. Just don't ever forget that the woman's obsessed over you. In a healthy way, except for when you're in a coma. I have a feeling that you're her lifeline right now. Just keep that in mind, okay?"

"Of course…"

"Feel free to drop by my bar if you ever need to chat. 7th Heaven, right by the Eiffel tower. You can't miss it."

"I'll do that. Promise."

"Be careful with promises. They could break. You know how delicate they are. Like your fiancée."

She gave me a quick hug before walking out and leaving me alone. There was a stagnant silence in the house once the door finally clicked shut. I sighed and went to lock the door with a few more spells so I wouldn't hear anyone knocking on it. I needed to go to bed…

While I trudged up the spiral staircase, I pondered Tifa's last words. I hovered my hand just above the railing while I turned to look back downstairs, trying to picture Fleur ambling out of the kitchen with that spoon in her hand. I faced forward and smiled to myself when I got to the top of the stairs and made my way to our bedroom.

A bath was sounding very good to me, though. I made up my mind to do that before bed while I shut my eyes and yawned as I went over to the dresser. There was another stagnant silence in here, too. I shook my head while I retrieved my night clothes and removed the ones I had on. But just as I took off my shirt and pants and stopped while I was in undergarments, I looked at the mirror and my entire body froze into a hot rage that threatened to make me melt and eat away at the carpet…

Squall and Draco were on my bed. Squall was bending over. Draco was bent over right on top of him.

They weren't wearing anything.

On top of that, they were looking at me like I was the Grim. I didn't even think to cover myself while I spun around and glared at them so hard that my eyes burned.

"H-hermione, we can explain…"

"Squall made me! He…y-you should have _seen _him! And…I-I had _no _idea that this is your room…"

"Th-there are so _many _nice r-rooms in here…you know…and…well…"

"You look nice in that two piece, Granger…err…black does wonders for you. I-it compliments your dark chocolate hair rather n-nicely…"

I couldn't even speak. I couldn't think, breathe, blink or stop fuming. Apparently, the twins didn't find these two. But I couldn't blame Giselle and Dominique. These two were at fault for having sex on _my _bed. I wouldn't have been so mad about it if my friends didn't pull that stunt with me downstairs.

But this…_this _was just pure icing on the cake. I grabbed my wand from the dresser and incinerated their clothes on the floor before shoving it in their direction. They were gripping each other so tight that it even made me hurt. But I was hurting to not laugh when they finally sobbed out loud in unison…

"WE'RE SORRY!"

And then they apparated away with each other. I dropped my wand and burst out laughing while I rolled around on the floor. My stomach was in pain, my face hurt, and my body was ready to go into overload from experiencing such an insane range of emotions from one second to the next.

But Fleur made me do that sometimes…so I guess you could say I was used to it.

* * *

I closed my eyes and sighed while I sat in the huge bath with bubbles up to my neck. I know I had to be up early, but I wasn't feeling sleepy. Either way, I'd be up thinking about Fleur…

That conversation we had right here last night made me throb with the sensual recollection of it all…

"'_Ermione, I'm curious…"_

"_About…?"_

"_What did you do while I was asleep zat entire monz?"_

"_I was...writing, for the most part."_

"_Zat's all?"_

"_Going to work…trying to eat…trying to keep from crying… Things like that."_

"_Mmm…alright."_

"_Why do you ask?"_

"_I was curious. To be 'onest, when you were asleep, I couldn't 'elp a few odd 'abits…"_

"_Like what…?"_

She straddled me and moved her hand right in between her legs. I jumped a little when she moved her lips right to my ear. My chest started to tingle and I swallowed automatically. I knew I was in love with her; even after getting used to her touch, it still made my insides flutter and panic inside of me. I still felt an unbearable desire to moan with her only breathing in my ear and swaying her knuckles against me to tell me…

"_I would sometimes touch myself, just because I couldn't take it anymore. Mmm…even now, I feel a bit of a rush. Just sitting 'ere on you, doing zis…but wiz you actually awake. It's still intense, it still makes my adrenaline rush, and I still can't understand how you can mess wiz me so…but I like it. I like looking in your eyes, seeing your approval…"_

I stiffened my entire body and relaxed just as I slowly moved my hand underwater to help her relieve herself. But it was so much more than tension and relaxation of muscles… I felt gallons of want for her pour through me and wash me over, staining my muscles with a strange calm after the storm of desire that swept through me.

The way she flashed her eyes at me behind the hair flowing across her face made me shiver with the cold, _freezing _liquid heat only her eyes could give me while I kept touching her with bated breath. I wanted to just squirm and groan with pleasure because I could see the satisfaction written all over her in the form of dabs of water and soap and…sweat. I could hear her enjoyment so easily, just barely hidden under her thin breaths that she kept smoothing over my smoldering face.

I breathed in her breaths and she breathed in mine. Thinner and thinner they grew and thicker and thicker she poured out on my hand while she let me take over. Her arms wrapped around my neck and hands tangled in my hair gripped me tighter still while I kept on, amazed to watch the bliss swim through her cerulean orbs.

My heart fell to my stomach and pounded and thrashed against it for freedom, but I wouldn't let it. I slipped a finger through her and watched her chest expand with her approval as she moaned it out for me right in my open mouth. I was still looking up at her in awe, shock, and arousal…with a tinge of fear.

Fear for how much I was enjoying her like this. Fear for how it was _me _that was able to do this to my woman whose beauty screamed out to the world like a vixen. But she was mine. My…Fleur...

"_You look so…scared…chère…"_

"_A part of me just…can't believe I get to hear your moans. For me…"_

"_Mmm…talk to me, 'Ermione. Tell me what I mean to you…tell me…any'zing…"_

I kept looking up at her with a bit of fear while a mass of adoration flowed in to settle with the rest of the emotions pouring from my eyes. Her chest started to hitch up and down with her paper-thin breaths that were somehow strong enough to lift my soul up so high that I couldn't believe it…

"_Fleur, you make me feel so damn good… I literally feel so light and weighed down at the same time with nerves and amazement. Feeling you this way…seeing you this way… Knowing that I'm making you soar right now… There are no words for it, Fleur. I love it…I love you."_

Her arms slipped down to hold me around my shoulders. I felt her grip me tight as she moved her mouth to my neck and bit down as her body shook. I threw my head back and arched into her while she cried out softly and loudly and everything under, over and in between.

I heard every key of her voice, and her pleasure hammered against my throat and made me groan and moan just because she was. I kept my hand where it was even with her holding me so tight that she could have broken me… But I would have been broken as a very happy woman, so I didn't mind…

"_You are so exquisite and amazing and beautiful and…delicate. You are so much more than a woman, Fleur… My heart pounding in my stomach…yes, my stomach…agrees with me. You turn everything upside-down and still make me believe that everything's all right…_

"_You make love a five letter word. You make me cry when I feel like I'm soaring over everything with you trembling like this in my arms. You, you, you…your beauty and sincerity and honesty ringing true in my voice and in my arms right now is what I live for…"_

Her teeth left me and her lips glided their way around the mark to soothe me just as her body calmed down. I smiled against her hair and actually reveled in the pain. I reveled in her kissing it away even more. Her skin under my hands was prickling with an excited warmth that I couldn't help taking my share of while I rubbed her back. She kept her head right underneath mine on my shoulder and kept her hands intertwined in my hair.

"_All of zis zat you make me feel…any ozzer person would 'ave gone insane wiz pleasure and 'appiness. But your touch keeps me grounded. Your smile, your words, your beauty, and just…you… You keep me 'ere wiz a reason to wake up every morning._

"'_Ermione…it feels like I can't breathe even zough I'm breathing just fine. But you 'ave zat power over me…you, you, you… So please do me a favor and never let go of it … I need you, I need you, I __need__ you... Never let me go, please. Please…"_

We both fell asleep that night, right here. Even though she wasn't here with me now, I knew she was safe and sound with me in her thoughts. I smiled and laughed at myself, but not because of what I knew she was doing…

My hand moved down to relieve myself during my thoughts. No wonder they felt so vivid…

Just a few more hours…and I'll have her hand. In marriage. _And_ down there, too…

* * *

I woke up four hours later, feeling completely refreshed. Just as I stepped out of the water, my phone rang. I took a deep breath and saw that it was dad calling. I smiled and picked up.

"Morning, dad."

"Good morning, sweetie! I'm glad you're up. Your mother's on her way over there. George, too. You and I need to head out in the limo in about two and a half hours. That should be plenty of time for you to get ready."

"Right. I think I've gone over the schedule so many times in my head already, dad…"

"Nervous?"

"I feel like…throwing up. In a good way, though. It's weird…"

"I know the feeling… I'm here at Draco's house now. Fleur's so cute; she's refusing to come out of her room to get dressed alone. I think I heard her mumbling something that sounded like vows."

"Aww…well, I'm glad she has something ready."

"How are your vows?"

"They're safe and sound in my heart, don't worry."

"Good, good! Well, I'll talk to you in the limo. I'm sure your mom and George will dress you up just fine."

"Thanks dad…"

"I love you! And don't throw up on your dress! I heard it's expensive."

"I wouldn't know… but I won't. I love you, too."

We hung up and I smiled at my phone for a moment before setting it down. I dried off and put Fleur's fuzzy bathrobe on for the hell of it and went to our bed and collapsed on it. This mattress is so soft… But then I realized with a snort and laugh that Squall and Draco could agree with me.

Well, at least I have some good blackmail on them now…

* * *

After fifteen minutes or so of me stalking the kitchen to force myself to find something to eat, there was a knock at the door. Mum and George smiled at me when I opened it and hugged me on their way in.

Yes, George is my matron of honor. He _is _the one that helped my stubborn self move out here. Without him, I don't know where I'd be. He knows it, too…

"Hermione! You look so pale. Come on, let's go upstairs and get you dressed," mum said excitedly.

"I'll cook us some kind of breakfast in the mean time," George offered.

"You don't have to…I don't think I can even open my mouth unless I'm talking."

"We can't have you fainting on your way down the aisle!" mum said as she dragged me up stairs. George and I smiled and shook our heads. "That'd be wonderful, Georgey. Come on, honey. We need to squeeze you in this dress."

"Mum! It fits me just fine."

"Oh I know, I just like messing with you! OH! This is your room?"

Mum let go of me and walked around the bedroom in awe. I smiled on my way to the closet to retrieve my dress. I suppose the room was rather grand. I'm used to it, I guess. But when I opened the door to the closet, she nearly fainted.

"Good Lord, the woman's loaded! I'll never have to worry about you being poor, I suppose."

"No, mum," I laughed as I went in the first room and got my dress out.

"I could already tell by the way she dresses. And you, I guess. My goodness, Hermione. I may even be jealous of you! Now make a stool poof right here so we can put this on."

I smiled at her while I conjured a stool; she giggled excitedly and I shook my head. She rummaged around her purse before setting it down and got out a very…suggestive kind of two piece. And some kind of weird, weird lacy thing. I didn't know what it was. She just giggled at my confusion while she handed it all to me and turned around.

"Now put all _three _of them on. The last piece is for a little fun at the reception."

"Right…"

I took off Fleur's bathrobe and put the white pieces on with a little difficulty and got up on the stool when I finished. Mum giggled again and beamed up at me.

"Gosh, you don't even need to wear anything else. I bet Fleur would be ecstatic to marry you just as you are now!"

"Mum…"

"Aww, no sense of humor this morning. Your dad would laugh and agree. But anyway, while I get this thing on again, talk to me. How are you feeling? What's going on in your head?"

"Um…well…" I thought about it for a moment while I savored her finally starting to help put my dress on. "I'm…n-nervous, for one."

"Oh honey, don't worry…but I think you need a corset."

"I do not!"

"Well, you _want _one. You do have an hourglass shape, but a little more curves never hurt. I want Fleur to be drooling at you when your father walks you down the aisle. I brought one just in case!"

She rushed back over to her purse and pulled one out. I know I enchanted it so that she could fit nearly everything in it, but this was ridiculous. I let her put it on me anyway, but I swear she was going to cut off my circulation if she tied it any tighter…

"Mum…I can't—"

"Nope! Suck it up, gorgeous! I had to do this, too. And our bodies are pretty much identical, so don't start."

I groaned just as she finished and went back to helping me with my dress. I suppose all of this is worth the effort. No…no, it _is _worth the effort. Mum was right…getting Fleur to drool at me during that walk is quite worthwhile…

"So honey, how do you want your hair? Down? Up? Curly? Straight? No hair at all?"

"Mum…"

"I'm just kidding! Now which, hm? I wore mine in a bun, but that's so old-fashioned."

I sighed and smoothed my dress down just as we finished getting it on. Fleur seemed to like my hair just as it is now – down and wavy. She certainly liked this darker color, too. But what if I surprised her?

"Hmm…actually, I can bleach it a little for the occasion. It'll only be temporary, and my hair might be a little more dry than usual, but I think it would be nice."

"Oooh! Alright, let's see."

I took my time to step down from the stool and glanced down at my ring. I smiled while I wondered what my wedding ring looks like. Mum could obviously tell; she was smiling and shaking her head at me.

When I finally got my wand and stood in front of the mirror, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to remember to do this right. I actually looked through countless Wizarding fashion magazines with tips about how to change hair color temporarily some weeks ago. I thought the incantation to myself and opened my eyes.

"Oh, it worked! Oooh, yeah, Fleur will _so _love this! Wonderful! We should give you some edgy make-up to compliment it. Fleur likes you edgy, you said?"

"Th-that's right."

"Okay, I have plenty of make-up for you. Ohhh, my little girl's getting married!"

Mum choked a sob before hugging me briefly and starting on my make-up. I couldn't stop smiling while she was trying to put my eyeliner and eye shadow on, and we both ended up giggling the whole time. I tried to relax my face, but I was just so nervous and excited and sick and happy and…

Above all, I was in love. I could have floated away if her shaky hand wasn't on my shoulder…

"WHOA!"

George finally came upstairs and nearly dropped our plates in shock just as we finished. Mum and I smiled at him while he gaped at me on the way to set our food down on the dresser. If I could get a reaction like this out _George, _Fleur's reaction would be even better. Mum giggled at him and set her make-up down so we could eat.

"You like? She's gorgeous, isn't she Georgey?"

"Y-yeah! Bloody hell, Hermione. I thought you were going to go for the princess'y look or something."

"No…Fleur would be happier seeing me like this. It's not too much but just enough edge. Don't you think?"

"Yeah, totally. Nice touch."

I gave him a nervous smile in between bites and tried to actually _breathe _while we all scarfed down our food. I tried to not mess up my lip gloss. Fleur wouldn't like that. I smoothed a hand down my face; mum's make-up was perfect. I couldn't even tell that I was wearing any.

"Soooo what song did you pick out for when you walk down the aisle?" she asked as we all finished and went to retrieve my shoes.

"A song that gives me goose bumps… Draco introduced me to it."

"Which?"

"You'll see… I don't think she's heard it before, but that'll be even better."

"Hermione, come on! I'm your mother, you can tell me."

"No! It's supposed to be a surprise! Now help me put my shoes on."

"Hmph. No. Georgey, you put them Mrs. Delacour's feet for me. I need to find that special perfume. It's in my purse somewhere…"

George smiled while I rolled my eyes and sat down on the bed. He had to fish under the dress a little bit for my feet, but neither of us were complaining; the dress was astounding. I automatically smoothed my hands down my torso like I kept doing when I picked it out.

"Here it is! And Georgey, don't look up her dress yet! There's a surprise under there. Well…among other things…"

"Mum…" George just chuckled and shook his head when he got both of my shoes on. I smiled at him in thanks and he nodded.

"We'll put this on right when you're about to walk out the door. But I'm curious; do you have a flower girl?"

"Yes. Fleur's little cousin Victoire is our flower girl. She's so adorable."

"And your ring-bearer is…?"

"You'll see."

"Goodness, so difficult! You're making me almost not want to go."

"Uh huh…sure, mum."

"_Anyway, _your father will be here with the limo in a few. Spray this everywhere once you're done. And do whatever last minute preparations you need to do…"

"I know…thanks, mum. George."

"No problem, Hermione," George beamed. Mum smiled shakily at me and huggled me.

"Ohhhh my girl's getting marrriieeeedd! And to a hot, rich, elegant French woman… I won't believe you if you tell me you're getting divorced."

"We're not getting divorced, mum…"

"Of course not!"

She let go of me and wiped her nose and George gave me a brief hug. Somehow, just seeing them both smiling at me like this made me tear up as I laughed. My heart was pounding so loud that I was certain they could hear it… George clapped me on my shoulder and mum sighed.

"No crying! You'll mess up your make-up! I spent too long on that for you to mess it up. Now you sit here and prepare yourself. We need to go get ready."

"Alright… See you in a bit."

They both gave me one last hug before George had to carry mum out of the room and back downstairs. I took a deep breath and fell back on the mattress one last time and closed my eyes…

* * *

And it felt like the next time I opened my eyes, I was sitting in the chauffeured limousine with dad, my veil over my head and all the nerves and anxiety of everyone and everything stifling me while he had his strong arm around me. I was ready even though I wanted to just stop the whole world to give me more time. I was positive that I wanted to marry Fleur even though I knew we'd have to face nearly every hardship imaginable…

Dad looked down at me and smiled even with his silly teenage emo hair covering most of his face. Fleur wanted all of the men to wear white suits, and dad's looked very nice on him. Even if his hair made him look so much younger than he was. I laughed at him more than anything, but I was laughing at myself, too.

"Fleur wants this so badly, Hermione. Don't doubt her, okay?"

I nodded; I couldn't get my voice to work for some reason. But I didn't doubt her. I let every fragment of our memories together swim through my head while I clasped my trembling hands together. My chest kept hitching, my chin wouldn't stop shaking, and my lower lip was sadly following suit. I looked down at my ring one last time before smiling at dad again and closing my eyes.

It was amazing…this spectrum of emotions. And she was making me feel everything on the scale and far past it. My man… I could barely believe it… I could barely recall how and when I went from hating her to suddenly needing her more than anything.

But love is love no matter what…and I definitely wasn't complaining…

"Ingenue…"


	49. Life in Mono

February 17th, 2009 A.D.

_**L. **__Life in Mono_

_(Fleur's POV)_

Trembles, earthquakes, shudders, quivers, tremors… Nerves and nausea and disbelief and stinging tears… …

I was…_trying _to brush my teeth. In the bathroom. But I keep dropping the damned thing… I keep seeing Hermione's face in the mirror instead of mine. I keep seeing her smiling face instead of my nervous one. I keep seeing her lean on me and rest her head on my shoulder…

I somehow managed to take a shower, and all I had on was a towel and undergarments. This was all I had left to do before I got dressed. I dropped my toothpaste in the toilet earlier. My mascara is on but I don't know what happened to the brush. And now that I've given up on the brushing, I need…mouthwash. Mouthwash. Where? Medicine cabinet…yes. Yes, that's right…

I opened it and reached up for the bottle, but my hand slipped and I ended up spilling everything in the cabinet down on the counter. I shut my eyes for a moment and reached to the far end of the counter and retrieved my wand. I pointed my shaking hand at the contents, but my spell didn't seem to help any. Things just started swirling everywhere, the sink faucet popped off and started sending water everywhere, and I cracked the mirror…

I heard someone shouting at me to let them in from the bedroom door in the hallway, but I just sighed and collapsed to the floor. I hugged my legs and shut my eyes against them, hoping that maybe, just maybe if I closed my eyes and ears that the world would stop.

My entire body was still trembling. Tears kept stinging my eyes. It felt like every bad feeling and emotion possible kept swirling inside of me, cutting off any possible hold on aspiring prospects. Or _the _prospect of marrying Hermione today. Just thinking about it made me nauseous and happy at the same time.

I heard more voices. They sounded like they were close, but still so far away. The smell of breakfast wafted through the room and I groaned; my stomach just couldn't take it. Water stopped spraying on me and I felt a hand on my head, but it wasn't _her _hand. The person made me stand up, but…everything happened so fast.

Muffled speech and racing thoughts; I felt sweat pierce my forehead and a white-hot darkness spin through my head. I think I was…hyperventilating. My breaths were shaking but it still felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt myself falling even though the person's strong hands around my arms were keeping me erect. Why now…?

I tried to keep my mind off of my nerves, but all I could think about was standing at the altar with Squall, watching _her _walk down that aisle with her father. I folded my arms across my chest and dug my nails into my arms to stop the shaking, but my palms felt mucky and slimy. But I didn't feel nearly as horrible as I did moments ago…

More voices…but they still sounded so far away. My hands and mouth and face were cleaned somehow, and I finally opened my eyes. Kenneth, Draco, Squall, Harry and Ron were all looking at me with concern. I stepped past them and went over to my bed where I had my white suit laid out. They were asking me questions, but I shook my head and made a shooing gesture for them to get out.

I didn't turn to see if they'd left, but the room felt empty. I ran a hand across my face and bit my lip. Squall and I have to leave in about half an hour. The rest of the guys and Kenneth have to leave now. I swallowed and smoothed my hair down over my face but my breaths wouldn't do the same no matter how hard I tried. Her silhouette kept jetting right through me, underneath me, over my head, and right in front of my face. As I bent down to pick up my pants, I imagined me holding her. I imagined and wished and believed that she was there with me.

It was the only thing that kept me from vomiting again, but it made me want to. I don't get it, really. But I just kept hearing her voice in my head while I slipped into the white trousers. I glanced down at the hem on the sides and smiled at the chocolate brown vines I had put in. It was like she was the roots of everything. Her wine was slowly maturing at my feet. She always guides me…and what better way to show that than this?

I put my dress shirt and vest on and took a deep breath while I looked in the mirror. These were brown, too. Fitting, isn't it? To have the hue of her eyes on my torso, over my heart, my stomach, my hips, my chest and my back? To have _her _around me as if this color were my queen. Imagining her arms wrapped around my waist made me wrap my own around myself while I closed my eyes and swayed from side to side. I felt her face on my chest, making my heart run away from my cage and back again a thousand times faster than normal.

My black neck tie wasn't too difficult to put on now that I had expelled some of my nerves away. I felt like ocean waves, moving about in an endless expanse with the mere panorama of getting to see her again keeping me stable. What would she be, though? The full moon, maybe… Pulling my tides up like they were nothing, just because she lights up the night sky. Mmm…

And finally, my jacket. I slipped it on and marveled how the vines connected perfectly with the ones on the sides of my pants. They continued down my arm and ended at the cuffs. My collar was brown, too. The way it shone made it seem like it was dark chocolate. I smoothed it down and licked my lips, trying to imagine Hermione doing the same. Both things, really…

Socks…socks…yes, that's right. I slipped them on and then into my suede russet dress shoes. Will Hermione like what I have on? I hope so… But I need something else on, too. I looked on the dresser for a different kind of perfume today. Hmm…of course - Clive Christian's Imperial Majesty. I don't remember buying it, but I do know that it's one of the most expensive perfumes in the world. And the second I sprayed a bit on my wrist, I remembered why; the smell is simply exquisite. I dabbed some on a few more pressure points while I wondered what to do with my hair.

I just noticed that one of them put my wand in here. I smiled a bit and retrieved it, still wondering what to do. With a flick of my wand, a few strands of my hair fell down over my eye and curled up by my ear. The back of my hair stayed the same, but I noticed a layer that was shaped like a V just at my shoulder blades when I looked at another mirror in the room.

I flicked my wand again out of curiosity and had brown eye shadow underneath my brow. I think it did a good job of making my eyes look darker. My face was covered with a flawless foundation and my lips were coated with a bit of…salt? For the nausea, of course. I smiled nervously and thanked my wand as I licked my lips.

I looked at my inch long fingernails just as I heard Squall tell me it was time to go. My head throbbed painfully and I pocketed my wand just as I nodded to myself in the mirror. I held my hands out and pretended that I was holding hers at the altar…but that just seemed to make me even more nervous.

I ran a hand through my hair and looked around the room one last time. I felt kind of ominous as I did. There was just something about it. The whole house, really.

Or maybe I was just delusional?

* * *

The drive to the chapel was nerve-wracking. Squall was doing a very good job of driving slowly and not making any sudden turns; my stomach couldn't handle it. I was already somewhat carsick, and I didn't understand why. I licked my salty lips again and stared out the window.

So many people were just meandering around. It was a wonderful day out. The sun was shining for our day. Though I heard Squall muttering about people staring at me too much to drive properly, I couldn't comprehend anything else after that. I couldn't hear, I couldn't speak, I could hardly breathe.

I licked the outer rim of my teeth and flicked my hair from my eyes while I stared at my reflection in the side mirror. I wondered if I stared at it long enough, maybe my heart would start beating at it instead of just my chest. I looked so frightened, and I hated seeing myself this way. But Hermione would just think I'm so cute, now wouldn't she?

My heart felt as warm and smooth as the tears glossing my eyes while I imagined her smiling face right by mine. I didn't look as frightened, seeing such a powerful mirage of her in the mirror now. I probably looked like a lovesick fool, but if Hermione wanted to call me that, then that is what I'll be. If Hermione wanted to call me a stupid idiot, a slimy cod, a hopeless homo, a bitch…anything. I'd let her. I'd prance around the world with her label of me just as easily if I were showcasing my love for her.

It's too late to hold back because of pride and shame. It's a year and six months and twenty-six days too late to even think that I'd be able to survive this world the same if Hermione didn't influence me in some way. And even though the mere thought of seeing her keeps making me light-headed, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I wasn't thinking about what we'd have to face when I said yes to her. I was only thinking about what we're going to share. I was only thinking about how she feels about me _now._

But the way my head kept spinning made sweat pierce my forehead. My doubts started to flash at me from every direction while I thought about the endless possibilities of where and how we'll be a year from now. Am I just fooling myself, thinking that if I marry her, she'll stay bound to me? She could very well divorce me, not thinking about why she agreed to marry me in the first place.

I can't…do this. What is _this? _Marrying her. I can't do it, but I want to and I have to and I _need _to. I know I told her that I'd fight for her, but…but…

What if this is just a waste of time? What if she's been leading me on all this time? Would she leave me high and dry here? As a big joke? Payback?

* * *

I bent down with my head in between my knees and took in as many shuddering breaths as I could right when the chapel came into view. Squall stopped the car. I heard him say something, but my mind was too plugged to understand anything. I didn't want anyone to see me, even though I felt the sunlight leave my back; people were surrounding the car. I wished they wouldn't…

I felt a gentle hand smooth its way down my back, but it wasn't _hers. _Hermione's hand was much smaller. The person took hold of my shoulder and made me sit up straight. I heaved for breaths while I looked at him with heavy lidded eyes; it was…one of Hermione's friends from Hogwarts. Neville, I think his name was. He and Squall had to help me out of the car and into the entrance of the chapel.

Buzzing and beeping…that was all I heard while my head floated along but my heavy body seemed to stay stagnant. I just kept worrying so much about losing her, _now _I choose to worry, that I couldn't do anything else. It was so contagious to be pessimistic, because it was easy. It was simple. It was automatic, because I was convinced that all of this was inevitably doomed to be forgotten.

Neville went to go sit down, but Squall kept supporting me while we made our long walk down the aisle to the clergyman. I could barely breathe. Hermione was supposed to walk down this same aisle. I felt everyone's eyes on me in between chatter. I wanted to shut my eyes in pain and embarrassment for leaning on Squall because I felt so weak without Hermione's assurance. The assurance that she was on her way, or that she was here, or that she would just…_love _me no matter what.

Squall handed the marriage license to the clergyman for him to check it. I was surprised that I could comprehend what was going on now, even though I could hardly stand. Hermione was actually changing her last name to mine. And it would be hers soon… We had thirty more minutes. Thirty more minutes…thirtymoreminutes…

After some time, Squall paid the fee and asked me something. He made a general gesture around the room and a talking motion with his hands. I licked my salty lips and shook my head, but people swarmed us again. Was it so hard for them to understand that I couldn't function correctly without knowing that Hermione's here? Goddamnit.

I forced myself off of Squall and pushed past everyone. I staggered, somehow gracefully, back out of the large chapel and back to the car. I stayed there with my head in between my legs for a long time. I know Squall was leaning on the car, watching me like the good friend he is. He knows why I feel the way I do but he doesn't feel it himself. I know I should have been inside socializing with everyone, but I just couldn't.

Twenty five more minutes must have remained. I felt myself rocking back and forth, damning myself for not being in her arms. My heart felt like my tears that kept threatening to pool over again while I imagined her babying me. After all my haughty years of just wanting to be treated like an adult, here I am, wishing that time would just reverse itself…

Maybe twenty more. Or fifteen. Ten? Or have I already missed it? She didn't show up. Everyone left. What a waste of time, they probably said…but I still felt the absence of sun peeking through the car; Squall was still there. I still had time…

But I promised myself that if I were to marry her this day, that I would not show fear in the face of uncertainty ever again. If she could jump past my blocks and barricades of self-doubt and step to the altar with me to take my hand in marriage today, then I'd never doubt anything ever again. I'll never ever doubt that she'll return to me.

Even if I do have to live my life in a diseased stupor, waiting for her return, I'll do it for as long as it takes.

* * *

And I felt Squall's hand on my shoulder gently helping me up minutes later. He put his palm on my back, then wrote out the letter M. Five minutes. Five minutes. FIVE. MINUTES! My feet felt like a disgusting jelly not even worthy of soiling our chapel. I felt like a ghost with bile bubbling in its stomach while Squall heaved me out of the car and back inside.

I saw Harry escorting my mother to her seat on the first pew on the right side. My father was just a few steps behind him. Squall tried to push me up to walk on my own, but my stomach would not allow it. If it's possible to feel nerves in one's blood, I certainly felt them. I felt them dripping from my nails and eyelashes and lips and nose and my tuxedo, too. I felt the smiling faces of everyone trying to keep me from drenching myself in nerves, but it was so damn difficult.

Getting to the altar was the easy part. Standing there without Squall, without Hermione…that was even harder. I wanted to shut my eyes and apparate away, but I couldn't. All I had to do was wait for Harry to escort Diana to her seat, then I'll know that Hermione is in the vestibule. I'll know that she's here. I'll know that this isn't just some sick nightmare…

My stomach was hitching and my breaths were shallow. Was it just me, or was it unusually hot in here? The ceiling was high and the room was relatively dark save for the candles. Cameras were going off left and right, and I tried to keep my face steady. I had to ball my fists and stand a little wider than usual to keep from falling. I hated the attention, but it was stupid of me to hate it.

Everyone I've ever trusted was in this building. Everyone I've ever befriended was essentially sitting down, watching me turn to watch a candle behind the altar. There were two lit, one not lit. One for me, one for Hermione. But the one for me…I watched it flicker and sway, receiving the product of my attention because I didn't want to give it to anyone else. I didn't want to see anyone or anything if it wasn't Hermione stabbing my senses, walking so beautifully down the aisle to me. My ears were still plugged up to any sounds if it wasn't her voice.

I heard footsteps. I think the guys were pulling out the runner. I don't know. I was scared to look. I was scared to let this moment slip away if I looked away. But after more time, I felt someone pass me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ginny stand some distance right across from me. Oh my God, they were coming out. We were actually…starting. More people kept passing me, each of them clapping me on the back with such praise and excitement that they shook me a bit, but I refused to look at anything if it wasn't this candle. But then I saw Giselle out of the corner of my eye. Dominique. Antoinette. Finally, Gabrielle…

I clenched my jaw and wrung my hands while I forced myself to stand up properly. Okay, so my heart kept smashing against my chest with a sickle, but it didn't matter. My nerves were still dripping from every inch of my body and swirling around every square centimeter, but it would be alright. This wasn't a joke. This was actually happening. The wedding was starting. But why couldn't I look to make sure I wasn't imagining things?

But the way I ached to see her made me stiffen and relax just like I noticed she did the last night we spent together. I felt the relaxation exude from her with her sweet breaths, filled with the molasses of moans that excited me. I felt that same air of bliss turn my head just like the one that blew out the candle when the music started. The music she picked out to walk down the aisle to…

I saw Diana sitting down. I saw her smile at me. Hermione's mother, smiling at me. Hermione was here if Diana was sitting down. She was here! She was really, really here! This…song. It was a soft French melody. Very hypnotic. But my God, the goosebumps I felt from just hearing the song did nothing at all compared to what I felt when I finally looked down the aisle…

_The stranger sang a theme…  
from someone else's dream…_

_The leaves began to fall…  
and no one spoke at all…_

_But I can't seem to recall…  
When you came along.  
Ingenue._

I had to remember to exhale, but even that just shot more shivers through every inch of my skin. My veins. My hair, even. People stopped talking immediately. I felt my heart yanked at the mention of…not recalling. But…I still kept forcing my eyes to hers anyway. And when she and I finally made eye contact right when the melodies of the song seemed to 'meet'…my God…

I think I might have gone into cardiac arrest when I finally saw her.

Her steps were small and dignified. But the smile on her face hidden just under her veil…her face, her face, her FACE! Her eyes were so dark and gorgeous behind that silly edgy make-up she put on to no doubt impress me. Her eyes that, I knew, widened its pupils when she finally took in the wreck of a sight that was me, standing here, waiting for her.

_The tree-lined avenue  
begins to fade from view…_

_Drowning past regrets  
in tea and cigarettes…_

_But I can't seem to forget…  
When you came along  
ingénue…_

Do, do, do, do, _do_…do….do, do, do, do, _do_…do…. _Ingenue. _I could not believe this. It was taking me a while to realize that she was there. She was walking now. She just started. 'I just don't know what to do' and 'ingenue' kept floating through my ears while she and that dress kept floating to me on the arm of her father. Words stopped, literally; the song was just instruments.

And my mind was just…a lovesick pool of Hermione-made mess that I _needed _her to clean up right this second.

This violin in the song kept sending me to new heights while it and the rest of the song barely kept me afloat on this ship of dreams. She was floating right to me, wearing that beautiful head of new blonde hair that I knew she knows I love and adore and absolutely relish. I know I probably had the blankest expression ever, and my mouth was hanging open, but…

I am an idiot to not have noticed her almost _outrageous _curves before. Where have I been all this time?

Fabien and Alain were her pages…and I almost envied them for getting to touch her dress before I could. The beautiful thing was just so long…and perfect…just like her. Just like her face underneath that veil. Just like her arms that are always strong with me in mind, carrying that bouquet of white roses. And that chest, did I mention that her chest is simply exquisite?

The closer she got to me, the more I saw her lips quivering while she smiled the biggest smile anyone could ever manage! She was mouthing the do, do, do, do, _do…_do, though. I subconsciously found myself doing the same…

I wanted to revel in the hunger she gives me for the taste of her lips right that second. But I almost didn't want her to stop walking. My eyelids felt heavy over my eyes that I know were out of focus. My torso only existed as a heart pounding against my chest. I was just a flower in the wind of her divine presence, flowing with nothing but a tailored suit and expensive perfume that was my pollen.

When she finally, finally reached me, Kenneth let her go. I blinked any tears away and watched him smile broadly to me underneath that head of hair. I wanted to laugh nervously as he wiped his eye and sat down with permission of the officiate, but I just couldn't. My eyes darted back to Hermione while she took her place right in front of me. I couldn't register George standing right behind her, nearly in tears while I looked down at my Hermione. I didn't notice the flowers on the aisle that Victoire placed down.

But I did notice the smirk on Hermione's face when she reached up to wipe a bit of saliva from the edge of my mouth. I did a double take and wiped my mouth furiously, but she just shook her head and licked her finger. I know I heard chuckling from everyone else, but only her soft laughter floated through my ears just as the song ended…

And my ears finally seemed to unplug themselves and the rest of the world came flying back like a loud wind that came to an abrupt stop to let her voice in…

"Hey."

The way she was smiling made me want to smile. But I was unsure if I could do that and say something intelligible at the same time. My mouth ended up opening and closing like a fish with me nearly sputtering for air, for something to say. I've never been this dumbstruck by just…_looking _at her…

After a moment of me fishing for something to say, I resigned to a shaky, shy smile while I lowered my head and raised an uncertain hand to my chest and moved my fingers up and down to wave to her.

I heard louder chuckles and obvious exclamations of something along the lines of 'Awww' from everyone else, but only her soft, sexy laughter crept through my system. I felt myself blushing as she took both of my hands in hers. It felt so good to feel the smooth skin of her hands entwined in my own. I caressed hers with my thumbs and she did the same to mine. But I just wanted to cover my face with my hands and laugh…

The officiate cleared his throat and I quickly turned to look at him, only feeling the shock of not looking at Hermione sting me as soon as I did. He smiled and raised his eyebrow, almost to ask if he could start. I remembered to smile as I nodded and I noticed Hermione do the same. I licked my lips again to keep the nausea from overtaking me when we met the others' gaze once more.

I honestly never wanted this to end…

"One of the most beautiful expressions of love and loyalty ever penned was first spoken by Ruth when she said, 'Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried.' Since the beginning of time, this kind of love has brought young men and women together in marriage.

"Marriage is a sacred relationship and should not be entered upon lightly. It is sacred because it was ordained by God, who in the beginning, after creating man in His own image, He realized that it was not good for him to be alone. So He said shall a man leave his father and mother and join unto his wife and the two shall become one.

"Love is patient, love is kind and not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, love does not act unbecomingly, it does not seek its own, love is not provoked, does not take into account wrong suffering. Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoiced with truth; love bears all things believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. This is the way the Bible says you are to love your bride. And if you will do that, it will bring more joy and happiness into your life than any other relationship you have ever had.

"You are to walk by each others' side. You are to encourage her and support her and help her in every way. And the two of you walking side by side you will find in this relationship the completeness and fullness that God intended from the very beginning.

"In as much as you have expressed a desire to be united in marriage, I am going to ask you to say your vows. Hermione, would you do us the honor of reciting yours first?"

It took me a moment to realize that Hermione had nodded and was waiting for me to snap out of my reverie. I…she was really ready? She was honestly going to tell me just how much she loves me, right in front of everyone? And to think that Squall was recording this… I know I must have looked stupid again by the way I felt myself grinning, but I was just so ready and incredulous in anticipation for her declaration that I couldn't help it…

She was smiling at me knowingly, and the deep breath she took in was not nervous. It was proud, and confident…and so Hermione. I thanked the air for giving her a means of living with me while I gave her a sheepish grin.

The way her eyes lit up at seeing me come back to earth was heaven. And seeing her lick her lips just before another deep breath to signal her words made me that much more aware of how fast my heart was beating in my head. And my hands. Yes, my head… And…my hands…

In her hands, right where it belongs…

"Mmm…Fleur. You already know that I love you. It's impossible to explain how much I do. But I'm gladly going to stand here before everyone, before you, and try.

"You are the first and only person who's loved me, understood me, and tolerated me more and better than even I could have. I never could understand why you didn't just…leave me so many months ago. But you were, and still are, in love with me. I seemed to overlook that. I might have even taken it for granted.

"But when we made that sudden shift from how we were to how we are now, that night when we woke up together…I understood everything. You and I both knew that there was a life beyond the double-edged sword, and now…we've found it. You helped me see everything with just the words you glossed so romantically across my hand.

"You know how to love me, Fleur. You've taught me in the simplest of ways how to love myself, just because you do it so easily and freely. The way your eyes go out of focus when you see me makes me feel beautiful. For the first time in my life, I don't feel subconscious calling myself that. And look at _you…_you're absolutely beautiful and handsome at the same time in this tuxedo. And the vines…Fleur, you're just…so good to me. I'll never be able to say it enough or in the right way, but just know that you are.

"I'm not afraid of anything as long as I know I'll get to feel your love with me, somehow, wherever I am. I promise you I'll never…forget…what I'm about to say today. I'll never…ever…forget…what you're going to tell me, either. I'll never let the words go, and I'll never let _you _go. That's a promise.

"I give you my word that I will keep your heart clasped close to mine. I will never, _ever _walk out on you over anything. I know you, Fleur. I know that you cherish me and I know you'd never do anything to hurt me. The relationship we have is one I know I'll never find after any number of lifetimes…I'd be a fool to forsake it. I'd be an even bigger fool to forsake you…the only one who's ever _really, _really loved me.

"I promise to give you my everything. I promise to be _your _everything. You, you, you, Fleur… I love _you. _No one else. No one else will ever come close. No one will ever be able to tear me up with nerves and still make me feel so good at the end of it all. No…one. I promise you, I'm yours."

I heard Diana sobbing. I actually heard quite a few people crying. But I just wanted to…laugh and cry and squirm and scream. I couldn't do anything but keep myself from kissing Hermione senseless right this second…

"And Fleur, will you do us the honor of saying your vows? To your dear Hermione who has promised herself unto you?"

So soon…I almost couldn't remember what it was I wanted to say. I swallowed air and nodded to Hermione, quite unable to tear my love-filled eyes from her at the moment. I noticed tears washing her eyes while she waited for me to speak up. She was laughing a little, albeit nervously, and I had to keep myself from kissing her again while I laughed right with her.

Her eyes lit up so nicely with the tears. Her face looked even more striking being lifted up with the smile of her astonishment and love. I took a deep breath and gave her a broad smile of my own.

She is just so…adorable.

"'Ermione…you flatter me so. Even just standing 'ere…it is ze 'ighest form of flattery anyone could ever receive. To be 'ere wiz your bright eyes gazing up at me wiz such adoration…it's a wonder I'm able to speak right now. You say no one 'as ever loved you so until I came along…and I could very well say ze same about you. No one 'as ever been able to make me incapable of simple tasks except for you.

"I do try to tell you every day zat you are beautiful…because you are. You've opened ze doors to your wonderments…and I'd be perfectly content just staring out into your fields of splendor for ze rest of my days. But I know I can do so much more for you. I know you see 'ow beautiful you and I can be, togezzer. I know you see it and believe in it now zat you 'ave promised yourself to me.

"Every'zing 'as worked out for us better zan I could 'ave ever imagined. From ze first time you kissed my eyes to ze last time you did, I 'ave always felt ze same way, even zough zat little gesture of ours 'as changed so much in meaning over time. Ze first way I believed it…it was ze best zing I ever told myself to believe. I made ze best decision of my life when I trusted myself to you.

"I promise I'll take care of you, 'Ermione. I know zat sounds so generic, but I _know _what you need. Zings may change over time…but I assure you I'll always know what's best for you. I promised you I'd…fight for you. Zat still stands, and I know you know what I mean. If zings ever change from ze way zey are now, I want you to know _now _zat I 'onestly, truly, _truly _love you. My 'eart aches right now even zough we're so close…but still somewhat separated. Maybe it aches because I'm still in disbelief to be marrying you today…but 'ear zis.

"I remember every'zing I told you zat night to your…'and. You still deserve every'zing zat I will ever 'ave to give. You still know zat I trust you wiz my love. I love 'ow just seeing you, zinking of you, _being _wiz you can make me so light. I just want to…cry right now, zinking of 'ow…zings might be. But I promise I'm never going to let you go. I'm never going to walk out on you, eizer. I will never be able to live wiz myself if I 'ad to let you go forever…and I'm never going to let myself do zat.

"My 'Ermione…my adorable, _adorable _sweet 'Ermione… I promise you I'll love you so much zat you'll just want to scream wiz astonishment like I want to do now. I promise you I'll cherish you and adore you and worship you now, like I always 'ave, but even more so now zat I know 'ow it feels to stand before you and declare every'zing like zis from ze deep depths of ze bottom of my 'eart. I only want you to reach inside of me, to see me…I 'ave only let you do it. No one else… I promise you now I will love no ozzer. I promise, I promise, I _promise _zat you, you, _you _will always be my one true love, 'Ermione. No. One. Else… Ever."

I winked at her for effect and I managed to get a tear to fall down her beaming face. She and I laughed nervously again, and I loved how I could just feel her chuckles through her hands, not just my ears. I loved how I could feel her tears yanking my heart down, but pulling it right back up with the same force because she was crying and smiling and laughing out of _love…_

I think I felt a tear stream down my face, too. Then another, and she let another fall, too… Our tears kept mirroring each other, but we weren't done yet. Far from it. We still had some things to say…and Hermione somehow gathered the strength to speak in between calm tears. The officiate didn't even need to cue this. I knew what I needed to say, too…

"I…Hermione…take you, Fleur…to be my…h-husband." We both laughed at this.. "To have and to…hold…from this day forward. For better or for worse… For richer, for poorer…in sickness and in health…to l-love and to cherish; from th-this day forward…until d-death…do us…part."

"And I, Fleur…take you, 'Ermione…to be my wife. To 'ave and to 'old…from zis day forward. For better or…for worse…for richer…for poorer, in sickness…and in 'ealth…to love and to cherish; from zis…day forward. Until death do us part."

I wanted to kiss her _SO _badly…but I had to wait. Just a little longer. She and I both looked toward the aisle at the same time and finally saw our ring-bearer come to us with our rings. _This _was who she picked…?

I couldn't have been any more honored…

Ron came walking towards us in his nice white tuxedo with both of our ring boxes in his hands. Of course…her first love. It made complete sense. I almost wanted to cry again just because of how much thought she put behind everything. I bet she wanted me to…but it had to wait.

"You're a lucky woman, Fleur. Take care of her for me, y'hear?"

"Of course, Ron…"

"And _you, _Hermione… You be good, alright? Don't come cryin' to me and Harry if you make her go ballistic. Merlin knows you will."

"Right…thanks, Ron."

He chuckled just as Hermione opened the box with my ring in it. She held the beauty in her hand for a moment while she looked up at me with such adoration that I just wanted to melt into the floor and come back up again with a scream and dramatic sigh. I think it was pretty apparent by my facial expression, but I wanted her to see it.

I wanted her to see everything about me…good and bad…

"This ring's been through a lot, you know…but I'm glad that it finally gets to take its place on your left hand. I hope nothing happens to it again, you know… Meaning…I hope I won't ever do anything to you that will make you hate this symbol of my love for you. So…take it and use it to remember this day by. Please."

I nodded automatically and bit my lip to keep from crying again, but it was futile. A tear slid down just as she laughed nervously again and looked down to watch herself slowly slip the ring on my finger. I had to admit that I didn't notice how large the rock was until she put it on…and it was quite large indeed…

If I didn't know any better, it was almost shaped like a…flower. The blue in the diamonds must have been to match my eyes. Oh, Hermione…

So sweet… I took a deep breath to stop my tears for a moment while I turned to Ron and smiled at him again. I opened the box to reveal her ring, and when I took it out and held it in between us, I could have sworn I saw her stagger a bit. People who were close enough to see certainly thought the ring was wonderful. Everyone else was fighting over each other to get a better look.

I snorted with laughter a little bit while Hermione kept gaping at the ring. I turned it down so that she could read what I had engrained on the chocolate brown band and she nearly fainted…

"Trust. Me. Love. Me., 'Ermione. I know you remember what zis _really _stands for. What I 'ad you…well…_write _on me zat day in Florence. Zat will forever be my favorite city, I zink. Next to Paris and London, of course. Your eyes are so endearing to me…and I 'ope I did a good job of replicating zem wiz ze black diamonds and ze chocolate brown band. But zis ring means more zan money, 'Ermione. Use it as a means of…coming back to me, should you ever lose your way. It will…ah…carry you 'ome on silver wings, non? You get what I mean…so, please, take it."

I hoped that she got the hint that, even if she forgot about her love…that she'd see her ring and realize that we're married for a reason. She seemed to understand as she bit both of her lips and nodded. She was just so cute to resist…

I took a deep breath with the aroma of her perfume finally clicking in my system. She smelled wonderfully, might I add. I looked away briefly and down to her left hand in my own and finally, _finally _slipped the ring on her finger. If I didn't know any better, the skin of her hand shone even more with the ring on. Slipping it on and feeling the skin of her slender finger was almost too much…and I was sad that it was over and had to pull away, but I was happy that we could join hands once more as we nodded and smiled to Ron one last time before he went back to sit.

"You will notice that these rings are made in a complete circle; they are without beginning or end. I trust that it is symbolic of the endlessness of your love."

"Wiz zis ring…I zee wed, and wiz all my worldly goods, and wiz all my love, I zee endow."

"You will also notice that they are made of the purest of metals. I trust that it is symbolic of the purity of the love that you have."

"And with this ring _I _thee wed, and with all my worldly goods, and with all my love…I thee endow."

We both laughed nervously again. I don't think I could ever get tired of this. I wanted to just whisk her out of here, but I couldn't. Not yet.

Just _one _more thing…

"If you will notice, there have been two candles lit on this alter since the beginning of this ceremony, representing the two lives that entered this room. In a moment, I will ask you to light the candle in the middle. And as you light the candle, I would like you to remember the scripture that said, 'shall a man (or woman) leave his (or her) mother and father and cleave onto his (or her) wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' The lighting of this candle is symbolic of the very act of you two becoming one. Please light the candle and extinguish your individual candles."

He stepped aside just as I took a deep breath. I just remembered that my candle blew out the second I realized Hermione was in the room…but it somehow got lit again. I looked at it oddly as Hermione led me over to the three candles, but forgot my confusion as I saw her smile back at me.

We stood together in front of the candles for a moment and just watched them flicker. I felt her watching me, but I just felt something very strange while we waited. This was serious. This was real. She and I were really becoming one in the deepest way possible.

If I let her out of my life just because I couldn't make her remember this once the time came…I won't know what to do with myself.

We both held the instrument in our hands while she took a bit of fire from both of our candles, and led us to the lighting of the one in the middle. I felt my heart warm up as I watched in awe. Even though it was just a candle…it really was symbolic. I almost didn't feel her blow out the instrument and set it back down as I let go of it as well.

I looked to her and watched the ember dance in her eyes, on her face…she looked so curious and almost overwhelmed. But still so confident. I loved seeing all of the emotions written in her eyes whenever she thinks. A simultaneous smile from us both was all the signal we needed to look back to our individual candles and blow them out at the same time.

And now…I led her back to where we once stood and held both of her hands in my own with bated breath, waiting for the final words. But I almost didn't want them to be said. I almost didn't want to let go of this moment…seeing Hermione before me in such a beautiful dress and veil and…smile.

Her smile for me that I'll never ever forget…

"Now on the alter that there were two lights there is one. May the light from this candle shine on from your generations to your generation's generations from now to eternity proclaiming the love and loyalty that you have shown here today. Amen. You may remove the veil now, Fleur."

I literally wanted to bounce up and down with joy as I did as I was told. It felt nice to see her face without any barriers. It felt even better that she looked like she was restraining herself from doing something a little more to me, too…

The grins on our faces were positively goofy, and I just loved it. The way her eyes lit up, the way her skin was shining…the way the entire room, and my life, and my everything just seemed brighter just because _she _was here and smiling and happy…it was almost unbearable.

And so was this wait…

"By the Power vested in me by the nation of France, and as a minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ I, I now pronounce you married. What God has brought together let no man or woman put asunder. You may now…ahh…well…"

It happened at the same time and neither of us could fight it; we both finally brought our lips crashing into the others' before he could even finish. It felt _so _good to smile and almost sob in her mouth while she did the same. It felt almost as good to _hear _everyone standing and clapping while I brought her body as close to mine as possible…

"Kiss each other…or the bride…too late, I suppose…"

He certainly seemed to enjoy it; his chuckling said that much. But I will never forget this moment…running a hand through Hermione's hair, bringing her closer and closer to me with a hand on the small of her back, feeling her chest rise and fall excitedly under my own that was doing the exact same thing…it was almost too good to be true.

I felt so powerful with her in my arms…powerful and light and impervious and relentless while I explored every single inch of her mouth with my tongue. I loved our little battle for control in between breaths and intense nips and sucks. It was so outrageous for a wedding kiss, but who cares…

I didn't want it to end, and I swear it did end too fast. But when we did pull away, we smiled so much that we might have pushed our eyes straight out of our heads. I was so giddy and happy and empowered, hearing all of the support in the room, _seeing _how happy everyone was…

We took a short moment to look around. Bill, Percy, Charlie, Harry, and Draco behind me looked absolutely ecstatic while they clapped for us. Ron sitting next to my mother and father looked just as happy as the guys and my parents combined, even if he was sobbing uncontrollably.

Diana and Kenneth were both crying on each other in between claps and smiles. My sister was sobbing and laughing on Antoinette's shoulder, but Blondie just shook her head at Gabrielle and hugged her while she gave me a thumbs up. The twins were as serious as ever, but even they were cracking small smiles, nodding to me while they clapped graciously.

But I think I felt the most approval out of seeing Ginny clapping hard and cheering loudly in between tears. Ginny, the one whose life I probably ruined on account of my immaturity, was actually…happy for me. I smiled to her and mouthed a thank you while Hermione and I kept looking around.

All of our family and old friends were there. That was no surprise. They all beamed at me, even the friends of Hermione's that I didn't know yet. But what surprised me the most was looking to the very back of the chapel by the exit and seeing a very, _very _familiar face.

A familiar face who was smiling at me, no less…

It was Cho. Cho Chang was standing at the exit with a little girl clutching her leg. I nearly choked on my way to remembering to smile at her; it seemed that she didn't still hate my guts. And right next to them stood an unfamiliar man who was probably her husband or boyfriend by how good-looking he was. He smiled at me too. Even the little girl smiled.

This wasn't a nightmare; this wasn't just a dream. I really did find happiness with Hermione, even after all the mess I started when I was young and confused…

Hermione and I finally turned to face each other. It seemed to me that she noticed Cho as well as she smiled and gestured to the exit. I glanced back at it and they were gone…but Hermione just nodded knowingly and winked. Such a sexy little gesture…with an even sexier response from me, just because I couldn't take it anymore.

I laughed just as I caught her by surprise and picked her up for the first time in months. She wasn't all that heavy, but it might have been all of the proceedings that made her lighter than usual. I beamed down at her as she wrapped her arms around me and kissed my face again and again as I proudly walked her down the aisle.

People threw flowers over us and clapped and cheered harder than ever. I took my time with every dignified step, completely swollen with pride to be carrying my Hermione back outside. The vin d'honneur was right after this, and I was very much looking forward to our opening dance together at the reception after that…

I remembered my promises while we walked out of those doors with everyone rushing past us in excitement and glee while the sun shone down on us. I swore myself to a life in mono, the mono of the disease of forever needing her kisses, her touch, her love and her acceptance…

She was just so beautiful in every way possible and impossible that I couldn't help setting myself up for a probable life of misery…but it didn't matter. Nothing else mattered. I was her man _now, _carrying her _now, _cherishing her _now…_

And now the entire world knew that I am absolutely insane for this woman. _My _woman.

My Hermione Delacour…


	50. Like Music to My Ears

_A/N_

_Formatting might be iffy because yoshi still hadn't mastered archiving with paragraphs by this point -_-_

_Like Music to My Ears_

_(Hermione's POV)_

I was still kissing her face when she pranced out of the chapel with me. I was still beaming and nearly crying while the sun's rays dazzled us. I was still overwhelmed, seeing her silver-blonde hair flowing in the wind, her smile wide and bright enough to light up any dark expanse… We were finally married. Fleur and I were one; together forever; united in such a magnanimous bond forevermore. I couldn't tell who was happier, but she looked just as happy as I felt. Everyone clapping and cheering around us, still throwing flowers and many still crying seemed to lift me up even higher than Fleur was holding me. Some even helped to wrap the end of my dress around Fleur's neck for some reason. I was expecting more nerves to consume me in there, but I was surprisingly calm. Everything was just so perfect that I didn't start breaking down until our vows. But I couldn't say the same about her. The little wave she gave me was entirely too adorable. And I'll never forget the sight of Fleur ogling and drooling at me walking down that aisle… But when I expected her to walk us to the limo, she made a sharp turn and started running down the street! With me in her arms, no less!

"Fleur? Where are you going?" "Le vin d'honneur, where else?"

"What about the limos!"

"I told zem to follow us! Now let me enjoy zis!"

I looked up at her impervious smile one last time before smiling and closing my eyes. I laid my head against her chest and listened to her ravaging breaths and heartbeats while the wind nearly pounded my face, but not once did she slow down. She was practically sprinting through the street, and I felt the crowd part for us. I heard a lot of them clapping, cheering, shouting congratulations… I heard a lot of other cars stopping abruptly, some almost getting into accidents by the sound of it… But Fleur just gave the wind a lilting laugh every time and kept going faster still. The melody in that laugh of hers told me why she was running. Her stamina and the way she was gripping me with such tenderness and strength at the same time told me why she was sprinting down the busiest street in Paris…

No, literally; when I opened my eyes I noticed that she was running down the street with me…not the sidewalk. It scared me a bit, but I know why she was doing it. She was just that…proud. She was that ecstatic and empowered to be married to me that it didn't matter how loudly her heart was crying out for rest. It didn't matter if her lungs collapsed on themselves from lack of oxygen. As long as I was in her arms, and she had a destination in mind, she was going to keep running. Cars from oncoming streets nearly ran us over, but she would just giggle every time as she staggered a bit with her sprint but kept on going when the cars screeched to a halt. She never tripped, she never stumbled, she never stopped… I looked behind her shoulder and saw our long line of white limos following us with people sticking their heads out, cheering Fleur on. Harry, Ron, George, Draco, Gabrielle, and a lot of others were popping bottles of champagne and spraying it out to the air and street while they cheered and hollered louder than their voices would allow, no doubt. Even my parents were doing the same. If Fleur could get this energetic, she must have felt enormous pools of happiness inside of her right now. If she could do something so foolhardy…but still make it seem so romantic at the end of it all…she really loves me… I moved my head up a little to kiss her on the cheek and she blushed. I giggled and she laughed loudly and somehow sped up.

My heartbeats were probably going just as fast as her feet at this point. I don't think I ever wanted this to end. Gliding down the streets of Paris with Fleur's arms around me was too intoxicating in and of itself. Feeling the wind only press my head closer to Fleur's chest was almost as comforting as…this. Everything… I closed my eyes to savor the moment. I just kept whispering over and over again to Fleur that I love her and I love her and… I love her. Need I say more…?

* * *

Fleur and I decided to go speak with all of our guests separately and meet up at the larger reception in the ballroom next door in a few. Oh, but did I mention that she didn't stop until we got here? And when we finally did get here, she kissed me until every single person arrived. I was still a little giggly and out of breath, and people certainly could tell. I know it was silly of me to have a glass of champagne in my hand with me nearly stumbling over my feet as much as I tripped over my words, but ah well… After talking to a few old and current co-workers, distant family and friends, I found a group of my old Hogwarts friends at a large table. Luna smiled at me, that same expression she always had never left her, and had me sit down next to her.

"It's wonderful to see you again, Hermione."

"Likewise, Luna. I'm really glad you could make it. But where's your fiancé?"

"Oh, didn't I tell you?"

"No..."

And that was all she said before giving me another smile before slowly going back to her champagne... She and Lavender eventually struck up a conversation, but I just shrugged and decided to leave it at that. Everyone else decided to follow suit and move on.

"Mmm, well Hermione, you remember I was quite surprised when you called me," Dean said. He, his girlfriend, and, not surprisingly, Seamus and his girlfriend were nearby with their champagne. "I mean, it's not like I forgot about Fleur. Who could, you know?"

"I know, Dean," I sighed jokingly. "You didn't think I'd marry a woman, let alone fall in love with one."

"Oh, no! Well…sorta."

"I think what he's tryna say…" Seamus interjected. "We were expectin' you to tell us you 'n Ron were finally tyin' tha knot."

"Oh! Well, Ron and I went our separate ways some years ago."

"And he's not sulkin'?"

"Goodness no. You didn't know? He and—" "

No, no, NO!" Ron came out of nowhere and hissed. "It's going to be a surprise when we tell everyone. Now keep your mouth shut! I just had to stop Fleur from sayin', too."

"What's such the big deal, mate?" Dean asked with a smile. "We'd love to know who she is."

"Yeah, Ron," I said with a grin. Ron was steaming, and I loved it. "Tell them who she is!"

"Hermione, you're lucky this is your day…otherwise I'd…"

"You'd what?" "…just keep your jabber shut, y'hear? I don't want—"

"Ronnie! Where's my champagne? You said you'd get me some, honey!" Harry bounced over to us and draped an arm around Ron's neck and kissed him. I had a strange feeling that Harry did that on purpose; he's never this affectionate with Ron in public. The look on everyone's faces was priceless.

No, really – everyone. Everyone was watching. No one was speaking, either.

"Harry…you…did…not…"

"Oh? You didn't know?" Harry asked Seamus while his jaw was on the floor. I was cracking up. "Ron and I are engaged." That shut me up…

"Engaged? Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

"I thought Ron told you."

"I thought you told Hermione," Ron grumbled. "Wow, the communication between us…best friends, uh huh…"

"Yeah, well… OH! MALFOY, get back here!"

"What?" Draco asked tartly as he brushed his suit off and came over to us. It didn't look to me like he was running, but he seemed a little out of breath.

"Dean, Seamus, you remember Malfoy?"

"Pleasure for you to grace me with your presence again, maggots!" Draco beamed. Dean and Seamus scowled at him. Harry and I rolled our eyes. "Gracing the presence of not only two, but THREE gay men!"

"WHAT?"

"WEASELBEE! What are you on about?"

"Oh, don't start. Where were you and Squall last night, huh?" The room was still dead silent except for Squall conveniently stumbling on a chair on his way away from the vicinity. Draco apparently had nothing to say, but he and Squall were looking at me fearfully. I winced at them and tried to think of a way to get rid of this awkward silence…

"They were with me."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, Ron. Really."

"Then why'd you take so long to answer?"

"Because they—" "BECAUSE WE'RE TOGETHER!" Draco and Squall yelled at the same time. They were balling their fists and heaving for breath, looking completely furious. But then everyone just started clapping and cheering loudly.

"Because they made me promise not to divulge that information," I whispered to Ron while we clapped. He grunted but eventually broke a small smile. Even Harry did. Draco and Squall calmed down and rubbed the back of their arms and smiled. I took a deep breath while the room was still full of clapping and glanced over to Fleur on the far side of the building. She winked and nodded to me and I gave her a wink and a nod too. It was the least we could do for Squall. Draco, too. Both of them have had positive impacts on our relationship. And now that Harry and Ron were engaged, it was only a matter of time before—

"Say iiiiitttt!"

"Gabrielle, will you shut up?" Antoinette barked. I was surprised she broke her usual serious expression, and that she was speaking in French, but Gabrielle must really have pissed her off. The two of them were over by Fleur and her grandmother who were both cracking up. Everyone was still silent and watching.

"Oh come on! First 'Arry and Ron, zen Draco and Squall. It's only ze best time to come out!"

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"Zen why are you so angry? I know you're a blonde and every'zing, but you're a sharper pin in ze bunch—"

"ENOUGH with the blonde jokes, Gabrielle."

"You're not ashamed are you? Hmmmmm?"

"Just be quiet!"

"No, Antoinette! And there's no point speaking in French when more than half the people here can understand you!" I knew it! Gabrielle wrapped her arms around Antoinette and brought her head to her chest. Fleur and her grandmother were in tears by this point, and the guys and I just smiled and shook our heads. I just barely felt myself clapping right with everyone else when Gabrielle giggled and kissed poor Blondie. Antoinette didn't bother fighting at all, and both of them were actually blushing. Even if George was nursing a bloody nose, I really was glad that this gathering was helping our best friends get everything out in the open. I sighed and shook my head at George who tried to wave it off before glancing over to Fleur again. She raised her glass to me and winked, and I automatically did the same. We took a sip at the same time and kept eye contact for a long while before cracking up at Gabrielle's antics with Antoinette again.

* * *

I guess our vin d'honneur was over a little faster than expected. But by the look of how the sun was outside, we were at the vin d'honneur for quite a while. It was almost evening. Cocktails were served for the first hour. And I think I spent a good portion of this hour just looking for Fleur. Only our best friends, immediate family for the most part, and the Weasleys were still here. I did meet the rest of her family, including her grandmother. I think she and I spent most of the hour talking while I kept craning my head around for Fleur.

"Apolline tells me you have the Erotomy Mono disease," she said quite suddenly.

"Wh-what?"

"Erotomy Mono."

"I didn't know that it had a name."

"Oh, it does. But from the way you look, I can't even tell that you have it."

"Um…well, Fleur did…'cure' me."

"Ah, say no more. And Apolline told you about the year you have until you forget?"

"Yes…"

"You know, from the look of things, I don't think you will forget. You're a strong woman, Hermione. Your love for Fleur is just as strong; I can tell. Don't ever forget that."

"Oh…th-thank you."

"Hm? No one's ever called you strong before?"

"Well…no. Fleur has, sure. And my parents. I'm just a little self-conscious about those kinds of compliments. I-I'm weird, I know."

"Oh, no, don't think anything of it, dear. I think it's rather adorable. No wonder Fleur's so smitten with you; so modest. I like that. She herself certainly isn't modest by any means. Well…she usually is. But sometimes, most definitely not."

"How do you mean?" She just chuckled and shook her head. I felt something behind me, and I turned around. I only saw a lot of people laughing their heads off at me for some reason. I didn't understand.

"Well…we'd better get to dinner. I can't wait to see your dances afterwards." Even she was chuckling…

"Um…right. Fleur should be there…" I rolled my eyes and tried to walk away, but something clamped my legs together and I nearly fell over… What the hell? I think I felt…arms. Arms were underneath my dress! Whoever it is is a sick pervert, I swear! I tried to kick at them, but they started licking my thigh. I jumped and cringed in disgust. It really didn't help that I saw Fleur off in the distance hugging one of my cousins… "WHOEVER you are, get the hell from underneath me—"

The person licked my thigh and breathed hot air over the trail. I froze. They moved their arms up as far as they would go and started walking me over to the table, in between people rolling around laughing while I kept boiling. I couldn't stop walking because they were pushing me too hard. And I REALLY just wanted to yell out that someone help me instead of just laughing at me, but… They slipped their hand inside somewhere that only Fleur could tread as soon as we got to the long dinner table, and I about yelled my lungs out… "YOU DISGUSTING PERVERT! FLEUR! FLEUR, WHERE ARE YOU? GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME—"

"'Ave I ever told you zat pure anger makes you smell better down 'ere?" My jaw was on the floor just like everyone else laughing in the huge room. Their laughter rung horribly in my ears while I tried to get the gears working in my brain. It sounded like…Fleur. It felt like Fleur running her nails in between my legs. But I just saw her hugging Romyn just now… She sniffed me and licked at me and I fell over just as I got a better look at 'Fleur' laughing at me in a DRESS on the other side of the room – it was Gabrielle… I tried to press my knees together to get Fleur to stop while I clamped my mouth shut with my hands, but she just laughed. I finally noticed her legs sticking out from underneath my dress. My eyes were streaming with tears while she kept licking me and running her hands down my legs. The sheer shock that she was eating me out in front of EVERYONE, even though they couldn't see what she was doing…it was maddening. I was blushing furiously and digging my nails into my face to keep myself from moaning at this point… Well…now I know it's possible to get to a climax in this impossible situation. I honestly felt it coming, and I knew I was. I don't know if anyone had the sick idea that Fleur was actually doing this to me, but the sensations were honestly cutting off my common sense. I tried to keep a hold on it while I shut my eyes and tried to not throw my head back or arch my back.

My anger dissipated quickly. My embarrassment was gone. Her boldness was just…outrageous… The way she kept glossing her hands in between my thighs made me lose the strength in my knees. It felt almost agonizing how she did it so slowly and sensually at the same time. Her mouth worked slowly and deliberately in between my legs, and I forgot where we were. But I didn't dare remove my hands from my mouth. I know my chest was rising and falling faster than normal, and my stomach was hitching, but I just couldn't help it. I felt her so…deep inside of me. Any oxygen I was depriving myself of was substituted with her touch alone. I felt it in the form of her arms alternating between wrapping around my legs and her unwrapping them to caress my legs with her hands. All of it was just…too much. I felt too full with something inappropriate for where we were, but I still…liked it… I liked it so much that I was torn between giving in and crying out for her, but I knew I couldn't. I felt so alive with her eating so relentlessly, but I had to…resist. Right when I started slamming my heels again and again on the floor and squirming to keep my vocal chords cut, she stopped. She licked her way down my thigh and leg before carefully removing herself from underneath my dress to not expose me to anyone. I was heaving for breaths while she looked at me with an edge to her eyes. She didn't lick her lips or her fingers. People slowly stopped laughing and started to take their seats at the table while she helped me up.

"Get used to zat, hm? Besides, you deserved it. Zat and I just couldn't 'elp myself…" I grimaced at her; words just weren't coming to me at all. She smiled sweetly at me before leading me by the hand to our seats in between George and Squall. They both looked a little disheveled because they probably got the hint about what she was really doing to me just now. Everyone else thought it was just a playful little encounter by the way they started chatting away about nothing and particular. But Squall and George were very silent. Fleur was smiling too much. I was too quiet. They knew. I had a blush on my face that didn't leave for a very long time, just like the grin on Fleur's face.

* * *

People tried to speak to me while we ate, but I was still too wrapped up in my disbelief. I must say…she got me good. At some point, George noted that my face had nail marks in it. I waved it off and tried to keep eating, and Fleur's deep chuckling actually made me smile a bit. My heart kept beating differently while we ate our dinner, though. I was glad that people were having a good time and everything. Draco sitting next to Squall seemed happier than usual, even though Squall was still clammed up. Gabrielle was oddly touchy-feely with Antoinette under the table by the way Blondie kept hissing at her. Apolline and Lionel didn't seem bothered by what may or may not have happened underneath my dress. My parents were sniggering at me, but they were another story; I swear I don't know where I got my so-called modesty from. They could be so ridiculous sometimes, and they were almost fifty years old… But even with Mr. and Mrs. Weasley grinning at me, Ginny and Bill winking whenever we made eye contact, and all of Fleur's cousins whistling at me, I felt my heart beats pound a sort of…fuzzy feeling in my chest. Fleur was being a gentleman and not playing footsie with me under the table or anything of the sort. She and Percy were politely talking about the wine we were drinking, and she was holding herself so well that there was no way in hell I could be mad at her. I wasn't sure if she was convinced that I was okay about my little surprise, though…

"Say, George," I whispered.

"Hm?"

"Could you ask the DJ to change our opening song? I have a better idea."

"To what?"

"I don't know. Just something…a little upbeat. I had picked out a sentimental song, but I want something different."

"To show Fleur that you're not mad at her?"

"Yes. Yes, exactly. But it has to be something I can dance to with this dress on."

"Hmm…American music, I presume?"

"Sure."

"Something sexy?"

"That works."

"Alright, say no more. I'll drag Antoinette with me. She knows music and stuff pretty well. And I think she needs a break from Gabby anyway."

"Mmm, alright. Thank you." George smiled at me just as he finished the last of his meal and went over to Antoinette. She nearly broke her neck to get away from Gabrielle. I smiled and shook my head before I finished the last of my meal as well. Everyone else seemed to be done. Meaning George and Antoinette only had a short time to figure something out. Luckily, Squall cleared his throat and stood up with his glass to start his toast. Everyone gave him their attention and he smiled as he ran a hand through his silky hair.

"Well, you all know me. Fleur's best man, and I'm entirely too grateful to have the title. To me, these two are proof enough that true love is hard to run away from if it's determined to keep chasing you around the world no matter what. Or even across the universe." He stopped to smile at us; Fleur and I grinned at him before he nodded and continued on. "If you love someone…just give them a chance. No matter how much you hate them…just give them a chance. I know that Hermione and Fleur didn't have the greatest start to their relationship, but they're both wonderful people. Their true personalities showed after all of the heartaches. Even though it took a while, I'm really honored that they love each other enough for this day to be possible. I'm even more honored that Fleur slipped me a few hints that I had a lot to do with making this day possible. So, here's to hoping that they won't forget to keep giving each other chances. It may come as a surprise to them one day if they hit a bump, but here's to giving them the support they need from all of us.

"After all…what's life without surprises? Here's to making sure that they take those surprises in stride and come back out of them loving each other that much more. To Hermione and Fleur."

"To Hermione and Fleur!"

Everyone clapped and cheered after sips. Squall winked at Fleur and I and we smiled and nodded back. Just as she turned to face me, George started ushering everyone out to the dance area. He winked at me in passing, and it got to the point where Fleur actually raised her eyebrow questioningly at me while she led me over to everyone else. She and I got to the center of the ballroom and everyone started clapping again. So this was our opening dance… I bit my lip and kept smiling at her; she was still suspicious of me, apparently. Before I could even try to give her a silly explanation, Gabrielle walked behind me and flicked her wand at my dress, shrinking it so that it just barely fell at my knees. I just noticed how high my heels were…but they seemed higher than before. I turned around to glower at her, but the smile of hers reminded me so much of Fleur that I didn't have the heart to.

"What? You couldn't dance in zat long zing. Well, not zat kind of dancing, anyway."

"…thanks."

"Any time, 'Ermione!" I smiled and rolled my eyes before Fleur poked my face. I turned back to face her; she still had her eyebrow raised. The DJ was signaling the start of the song, but I didn't want to put my hand on her shoulder or anything. I know the song they picked out was not one for ballroom dancing; the way George and Antoinette kept grinning from behind the booth told me that much. Antoinette made a spinning motion with her finger with her hand pointed down. I nodded and turned my back to Fleur and pressed my body against hers. She held me around my waist in confusion while everyone's chatter died down.

"What are you doing…? I zought you picked out a slow song?"

"I changed my mind."

"Why…?"

"Don't think. Just feel." I put my hands over hers just as my parents grinned and gave me a thumbs up. I smiled at them while my heart started beating that warm sensation inside of me; Fleur was kneading her fingers on my navel a little bit. And I smiled even wider just as the song started. People broke out into a brief cheer and applause while I blocked everything out except the guitar, the back beat, Fleur, and her amazing perfume. She and I started moving our hips at the exact same time, slowly of course, and I felt her heart beats speed up a little bit. She put this song on our iPods, so I know she knew what it was.

_The way you smile, the way you taste._

_You know I have an appetite for sexy things._

_All you do is look at me it's a disgrace. _

_What's runnin' through my mind is you up in my face. _

_Yeah, yeah… _

She started smoothing her hands down my torso just like I kept doing in the store when I picked it out. I closed my eyes for a moment and went back to the ache and desire of wanting her to do this to me. She kept inching her hips into me, pushing me out and making me arch into her a little more the lower her hands went. I'd still keep pushing my hips back to grind into her, and she kept snaking our bodies to the side, almost like a curve. The feel of her knees behind my legs made mine buckle a little from the way she started singing the lyrics to my neck. She definitely sounded very, very sexy. And pleased with my song choice…

"Your voice is like music to my ears… Whisper softly and ze world just disappears… Take me 'igher and just wipe away my fears. When you're wiz me, oh 'Ermione, it's my 'eartbeat zat I 'ear…"

She spun me around and held both of my hands at arm's length while we pushed and pulled one arm out and back to each other slowly and in time to the music. Our knees bent and unbent with our arms, too, just like our hips moving from side to side. The smile on her face was just amazing. Her eyes looked so pleased to be devouring the sight that was me half a head shorter than her and dancing to a song like this in front of everyone. Hell, I was happy with the choice. If anything, this song represented us quite well. She and I knew it. I know we did; we started singing the song to each other, even with the biggest smiles on our faces. God, I love her…

"Ooh, ooh baby, touch me and I come alive! I can feel you on my lips; I can feel you deep inside! Ooh, ooh baby, in your arms I finally breathe! Wrap me up in all your love, that's the oxygen I need!"

Fleur pulled me closer and, of course, wrapped her arms around me. We kept swaying our hips up and down against each other. I put my mouth right on her collarbone and pressed against it to lick her a bit. Discreetly, of course. I felt a chuckle in her chest. I honestly felt too good right now…

"You're fillin' me up You're fillin' me up You're fillin' me up You're fillin' me up You're fillin' me up You're fillin' me up with your love," Fleur purred in my ear just before we pulled away a little. I hardly noticed that we were mirroring each other; stepping to the beat and moving our arms up just a little seemed so automatic. We bent over just as we stepped away from each other a little more so that our faces were right next to each other. I could see every twinkle flash through her eyes. I could see every bit of desire swallow me whole while I sang to her this time. The way she bit her lip made me want to squirm and jump for joy because of how undeniably good she made me feel…

"The more you move, the more I tense. It's like you've got me hypnotized; I'm in a trance. Your jersey fits; it's right at home, between my hands. And now I hope you know that I'm your biggest fan…"

"Your voice is like music to my ears… Whisper softly and ze world just disappears… Take me 'igher and just wipe away my fears. When you're wiz me, oh 'Ermione, it's my 'eartbeat zat I 'ear…"

We laughed and jumped at the same time so that we were facing opposite directions but still had our sides together. We slowly moved in front of each other and kept grinding against the other, and I really was feeling every bit of fun she was having push through her curves. I felt it right when the chorus came back and she ran her hands down my back with that same dexterity and deftness like she did to my torso. A wonderful idea spread to my mind and my face while I grinned broader than ever and pulled away from her. I faced her and held an arm out to her while we kept our distance, but she was bent down and licking her lips while she followed me with slow, deliberate steps, still dancing a little with her upper body. I was bending back a little, taking deliberate steps back and beckoning her forward, mirroring her upper body and keeping my neck straight. I shook my hair from my face a few times to keep things sexy while I raised my eyebrows at her. This was just too fun.

"You got…something that I really want and, come here…we don't even have to talk and, lay back…and let me tell you what I'm thinking. 'Cause I like you…'Cause I like you…" She finally rushed at me and I spun her around. I stayed bent back and started grinding against her with every "baby" that came floating through my ears just like her purring. I really did feel more alive than normal, dancing with her like this. I wrapped my arms around her and slid my hands down her stomach with her guiding me a little. Her eyes were closed and she had the most bliss-filled smile on her face. The second she opened her eyes and the chorus started again, I spun her around so we could smile at each other while we kept that same routine of being bent over and dancing a little while we sang to each other.

"Ooh, ooh baby, touch me and I come alive! I can feel you on my lips; I can feel you deep inside! Ooh, ooh baby, in your arms I finally breathe! Wrap me up in all your love, that's the oxygen I need!"

She took me by my hands and spun me around so my arms were wrapped around my waist. She still held my hands through the chorus again and started the bending and the smoothing down again. But she bent me down almost horizontally this time while she slowly let my body twist around to face her. She had her knee bent at my side to support us while she kept the other in between my legs while she nearly dry humped me to every "baby".

Fleur really knew how to dance with a romantic sexiness…I was surprised by the position, but I just smirked at her anyway. This was the best opening dance to any wedding. The sight of Fleur almost…well, you know… with me underneath and her on top just as the song ended…it was quite the turn-on. I hoped that she was trying to insinuate something for the future when she smirked at me and everyone broke out into cheers and applause again. I took the moment to savor us breathing hard in this position. Somehow, it felt like music to my ears to hear her breaths in such a suggestive way. Mmm…so…svelte.

* * *

Dad didn't want to dance to a nostalgic song after our little show. Mum certainly didn't want to dance with Fleur to a sappy song, either. So the farewell dance I was supposed to have with dad happened right while mum danced with Fleur. We ended up picking a very similar one to the first, and my parents were certainly pleased. But really, I ended up laughing the whole time. Seeing Fleur dancing like that with my mother was just pure comedy. Dad was surprisingly doing a good job at keeping up, and the four of us were in tears from laughing so much by the end of it all. He did keep hinting that I was an unusually sexy dancer, and it just made me laugh even more. He was, too. And mum. My parents still had it in them, I suppose…

After that, Fleur and I took turns to dance with most others. Gabrielle was eager to dance with me first, and I really felt like I was dancing with Fleur in a dress. They looked that much alike, aside from Gabrielle giggling every five seconds. Her laughter is honestly contagious, and I could hardly dance with George afterwards because I was still laughing. I danced with nearly everyone, but the dance with Draco was the most interesting. Squall was with Fleur at the same time, and I swear they were trying to out-do the other. All of us must have been dancing for hours until George finally rounded us all up to cut the cake. I'd nearly forgotten how large the thing was. It was about six layers with a chocolate-colored flower on the top. I smiled at it just as everyone gathered around. Fleur was looking at me warningly; she knew what I probably had in mind to do with this cake. And her face. I smiled sweetly at her and picked up the knife while everyone was busy giggling in anticipation. Fleur rolled her eyes and held my hand to help me cut the first slice.

"If you mess up zis tuxedo…"

"Oh hush." We cut the slice quickly and set it on a plate. I smiled at it while Fleur took a fork from the table and cut out a piece for me to eat. I kept my mouth closed and shook my head; she knew I didn't want a fork to have any part in this. People laughed loudly while she sighed, but I just giggled. She got rid of the fork and held the piece in between her thumb and index finger. Now I opened my mouth, and she didn't play around with the piece. It went straight in my mouth and people of course clapped. I could have sworn she blushed when I took the time to suck her fingers inside of my mouth a little…

When it was her turn to eat, I didn't bother being kind and respectful; I pushed the whole plate of cake in her face and laughed right with everyone else. She did lick and eat everything I smothered in her face, though. The entire slice was in her mouth while she ate, and I watched her with a smirk as I set the plate and knife down.

"Why don't you kiss the rest of that cake off of her face, ah?" Charlie asked excitedly. A lot of people murmured in agreement.

"I don't know…I think she's still a little sore that I almost messed up her poor tuxedo."

"I'll mess up your face if you don't fix mine…"

"Mhm…mhm…"

"'Ermione…"

"Such a big baby."

"Oh come on!"

"Nope." "

Fine, zen."

Just as I started laughing again, she kissed me and smothered most of my face with cake, too. People just laughed and cheered again, and we eventually started licking the cake off of the others' face. It took a while, but it felt really nice to still lick her face and taste frosting at the same time. Edible allure in the form of her face was definitely something I needed to keep in mind…

"Your faces are clean! Come on now!" mum yelled. She broke us apart and made me sit down on a nearby chair. I raised my eyebrow at her but she shook her head and put a finger to her mouth while dad put a blindfold over Fleur's eyes and tied her hands behind her back. People were smirking and giggling again, but I didn't get why.

"What's this about?"

"Remember that other lacy thing I had you put on? It's called a garter. Now just sit here and look pretty. And do not say a word."

"Um…right."

"Alright Kenny, bring her over!" Dad brought Fleur over to me, and she obviously didn't know what was going on, either. He made her bend down at my feet and put her nose on my leg. I tried to keep from giggling, but it actually tickled. The way people were laughing so loudly again with Fleur slowly inching her nose up my leg while she sniffed me made it click… She was supposed to find this thing and take it off… It was really hard to keep quiet, though. She knew it was me, because she started licking her way up my leg. I had to bite my lips to keep from moaning; her breaths getting further up my thigh kept getting more and more shallow and, might I add, suggestive. It took her a while to find the thing, and she still bid her time when she did. She kept licking my leg under what little bit of my dress was still left. I know she was trying to restrain herself from doing more, mainly because my dress was so short, but she still nipped at my thigh right in between anyway.

It was torture to keep quiet, but I had to…I knew what they were going to do. Fleur finally started pulling the fabric down. She pressed her nose down on my skin and sniffed me loudly, and people were dying of laughter again. My rib cage was ready to crack open from trying to keep quiet, but she just felt so good… When she slipped it off of my leg and off of me once and for all, mum grabbed me and made me stand off to the side while dad made a special substitute sit down with his pants half way down his legs. When dad removed her hand tie, and finally, her blindfold, everyone laughed so damn hard… Myself included… Fleur opened her eyes to Draco pretending to blush and pull his pants back up and throw a quilt from off of his lap while I was clutching onto mum for support. The look on her face was so disgusted and priceless that I was crying again. I somehow staggered over to her frozen body kneeling down on the floor next to the chair and hugged her around her head. Draco stood up and clapped her on the back and she stopped glaring at him once she got that it was just a joke. She just sighed and blew a huge raspberry on my stomach and I laughed even harder. A few chuckles escaped her lips while she held me around my waist and everyone just kept laughing for a few minutes. I was very pleased to say that Squall had recorded everything that happened during the entire reception, but this would by far be my favorite memory. Fleur's come a long way with learning how to take a joke…

* * *

After a couple of hours of more dancing and talking and laughing, the reception was finally over. It was almost two in the morning, but I was still awake. Despite the hour, people were still rushing out of the building with Fleur and I running right at the front of the queue. Rushing through the door with her holding my hand, smiling and laughing without a care in the world…I never wanted to forget it. Running with her out into the night and to her car was indescribable. She opened the door for me and picked me up and set me down in my seat. I smiled at her just as she closed the door and people surrounded the car, throwing flowers and whatever else at me through the window. I was still laughing just as Fleur finally got in the driver's side and took a deep breath. We grinned at each other before I got my bouquet from the back and she started the car.

"I take it you're ready for zis, non?"

"I'm more than ready, Fleur…you don't even have to ask."

She winked at me and opened the sun visor on the roof of the car before stepping on the gas too hard. Despite the jerk in acceleration, she and I laughed loudly as I threw the bouquet out the car. I turned to see people running after the car, waving and cheering just as George strangely caught the bouquet with the twins. I stood up enough to have my torso out the window and waved to everyone with a huge smile on my face. Even from this far, I could still hear everyone cheering and clapping for us. I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes to savor the moment when they were out of earshot. It was over, but I still felt the sheer amazement and giddiness surround my heart. Fleur and I were really married…

And Fleur wrapped an arm around my legs to yank me down right at that moment. I giggled and knelt down to lay down and rest my head in her lap. It felt so nice to lay here and watch the wind blow through her hair while she drove with the biggest grin on her face.

"So, where to, Mr. Delacour…?"

"Where would you like to go? You never told me where you wanted our 'oneymoon to be."

"It doesn't matter to me…even if it's in an alleyway, I'd be satisfied."

"'Ermione, zat just won't do. And don't even suggest zat. You deserve ze best money can buy, and zensome."

"Fine…you pick."

"Mmm…Japan it is, zen."

"Japan? Are you serious?"

"Oui, I'm very serious. I 'ave been plenty of times, and zere is plenty to do and see. We should stay to see ze cherry blossoms next monz. We're going now, since you asked and begged me so nicely."

"Mhm…mmm…thank you…"

"Ze pleasure is all mine, Madame Delacour." My lips curled up at the mention of my new name. She kept glancing down at me and grinning while she drove, and my stomach would flip every time she did. The moonlight shining on her collar was just as entrancing, too. Her hair, her eyes, her smiles, her laughter, and just that glow she always gives off… All of it was pure serenity and music to my eyes and my ears…


	51. Loosen Up

February 18th; Tokyo, Japan.

_LII. Loosen Up_

_(Fleur's POV)_

My wife and I arrived in Tokyo by portkey about an hour later, and it was eleven in the morning all of a sudden once we arrived. I forgot about the time change, and I guess it did have a lot to do with my sudden fatigue. Even though I was still feeling completely proud and excited to be married to my Hermione, I was also feeling very drowsy when we finally arrived at our five star hotel. It almost felt too surreal when we got to our room, and I didn't even think about unpacking before I plopped down face forward on the huge, comfortable bed in the middle of the large room.

The pillow smelled of flowers. I hugged it and shut my eyes while I felt Hermione remove my shoes. We didn't bother with changing clothes yet. I was about to get into a more interesting mindset regarding our clothes, but I felt her lay down right next to me. She removed my jacket and placed it over the both of us and held me close. I wrapped my arms around her instead and smiled in the crook of her neck; she seemed just as tired as I was.

"'Ermione?"

Figures; she fell asleep on me. I chuckled and closed my eyes, smiling even more as I let every wonderful memory of our wedding drift me off to sleep. It felt nice to hold her close like this after that hell night of separation before the wedding. Her deep breaths were comforting, and the lingering smell of her perfume. It was Chanel, of course. I could always count on Hermione to have Chanel perfume on. Even the tips of her blonde hair tickled me just because of the thought she put behind it…

And above all, it felt so good to hold her in my arms…my wife…ahh…

Such bliss.

* * *

We decided to spend a couple of days together in our room to get used to things. Our sleep schedules were still a little odd from the time change, but I wasn't worried. We settled on the Shimoda hotspring resort relatively close to our hotel. I guess I was still somewhat tense, even with all of the relaxation Hermione and I have had in our room. Still, more never hurt.

I closed my eyes while I laid face down on the massage bed in our room at the resort. I still hadn't got over the initial newlywed shock, but I actually wanted to hold on to it. My mind still kept drifting back to our wedding day and what a horrible mess I was before the ceremony. Of course now I thought myself silly to have overreacted like that, but I couldn't help it.

There was just something so daunting about it all, I suppose. I really wished I could be more composed, though. But then again, I like that Hermione can turn me into a completely different person at the drop of a coin…

"Hm? Don't tell me you're worrying about things again."

"'Ermione? What—"

"Ah, ah. Keep still."

"What are you doing?"

My question was answered when I felt something very cool and moist on my back. Hermione rubbed it on my back and shoulders and disposed of my towel and rubbed my ass, too. I jumped slightly in surprise, but she just chuckled and slapped me before moving down to my thighs and legs.

Her breaths were unusually shallow…and I don't think she was wearing anything, either. She got on top of me and straddled my hips and I just had to sit up slightly and turn around to make sure I wasn't imagining things.

She had zero clothing on. Meaning I felt her throbbing against the small of my back as she bent over to kiss me. My head was still turned to the side, and the way she kept pushing my neck back as she kissed me should have been uncomfortable…but it was anything but that.

Her fingers kneaded their way across my back while she ate my moans full on. She was arched over me with her knees at either side of me, pounding into my back with a special meticulousness that automatically beat away at my knots. She alternated in between pounding and rubbing while she and her tongue kept pounding and rubbing against mine. Her teeth took its fill of my lips whenever she'd arch a little more to remind me that she was still throbbing. Two bits of teasing at the same time were almost too much…but she'd always move her hips from mine and smile before letting me kiss her again.

"Mmm…'Ermione…"

"No talking…"

"But—"

"Mmm…bad Fleur. Very, very bad. Don't you know how to listen…?"

"Wh-what…?"

She gave me one chaste kiss before pulling away. I was about to retort, but I faced forward and arched my back just as I felt her move my hair from my neck and breathe on it. She would kiss a spot after breathing on it, then massage me. I know I felt her body curled on top of mine like a cat. And I know I felt her thigh in between my legs massaging me in more ways than one…

Her trails kept getting more and more sensual. Her tongue started to push at my knots and I'd moan quietly every time. I closed my eyes and let my imagination run free while her thigh kept getting more and more frivolous. She was probably bent over me at this point as she worked her way down my back. Her hands started to massage the pressure points on my waist and it actually tickled. We both laughed, but her thigh promptly shut me up when she put a lovely bit of force on me.

I felt like she was memorizing my body while she kept up with her explorations. My mind was screaming for her to just stop this huge game of teasing since we were alone in a room with no clothes on. But…there was also a part of me that was immensely turned on by the foreplay. Hermione really was good with her hands on my body. The pressure she exerted on me didn't hurt at all, and I always felt better every time she pulled back. Even though I just wanted her over every inch of my body for her to just syncopate with me, I still adored the way she worked her hands and tongue and elbow and thigh on my body.

But speaking of teasing…she changed things up in such an agonizing way. She changed her position so that her hips were right on my shoulders. Her hands ran their way down my body and she arched into me while I arched away in pleasure. But the pulsing was so much closer…I wanted to have my fill, but she obviously wasn't going to let me. She gripped my thighs in each of her hands and worked my thighs with such a familiar tenderness and strength that I moaned again.

"I take it you're quite relaxed."

I moaned again in earnest and she chuckled. But the way she moved her hands further down to my calves made me moan again, and not just because of how good her hands were at picking away at my knots…

She rubbed her hips against me and I felt a very familiar warmth in between us. I had a feeling she was purposely trying to get me to notice. And she was doing a very good job at it… Her hands inched down to my feet, but I couldn't take it. I was too ticklish, but she just took advantage of it and bent my knee to kiss my feet, too. I was laughing just as loud as she was, and I was torn between pushing her off or flipping her over to repay her for the pleasure. But she started sniffing her way from my calves to my ankles to kiss my feet, and I could hardly protest. I felt lighter than air after her getting rid of my stress, and her on top of me, doing this…it made me that much lighter. The room even felt warmer than before.

Just as I was getting used to her preening my feet, she moaned a little and rubbed her hips on my back again. I sighed and felt my eyes roll back in my head when I realized how much more wet she was. And she caught me by surprise; just as she let my feet go, she spread my legs open and lifted my waist up a little to take care of just how wet I was…

Her breaths inside of me were shallow again…just like the ones she laid across my body. I bit my lip and kept my eyes closed while I arched my back a little more to let her have as much of me as possible, and then some. I moaned as she licked at every bit of me she could. The way she always made my head spin and my stomach warm up with excitement was just so…addicting. And even her whispering her love inside of me was something I know I'd never tire of.

"So much sex appeal you have, Fleur…but I love…eating you right up…"

"Mmm…ohhh, just keep…going…"

She started vibrating her tongue on me right when I gasped. The breath I let out was thin and deliberate, almost as if it could push me into her a little more if I let it out with enough sensuality and arousal. She moaned quietly in approval and I inhaled through gritted teeth while her tongue kept gently pounding me senseless…

I was arching so much that my knees and chest were on the table. Hermione had her arms wrapped around my stomach while her fingers kept teasing me in between her mouth being far from any form of teasing. She would vibrate and suck and bite at my same spot until I started moaning so loud that I almost couldn't take it. Her fingers would rub me while her mouth gave me a break, and then she'd slap me and go right back to it. I put my forearms on the table to support my constant arching, and her moisture was sitting right on my neck, seeping to my scalp that was starting to form a coat of sweat. The way she kept rubbing my neck was torture, but hissing and groaning and moaning the frustration away with the arousal her mouth and hands were giving me was compensation enough…

Just as I felt my head swim a little more than normal, I opened my eyes for a split second and saw my ring. The split image was enough to send my mind back to how wonderful I felt at the altar at her…how empowered I felt running with her in my arms…our dance… Everything.

I was that proud to be married to her now. This sexy bitch who could turn something as simple as a massage into something so sensual and arousing… My sexy bitch, might I add.

I made sure to moan just how sexy I thought all of this to be, especially her, as she sent me soaring with me in her arms. She moaned in approval and I felt so much higher with her, so much…better with her.

* * *

A private bath in the hot spring outside was in order after our fun inside. I had her in my arms while I sat with her head on my chest. We were both marveling the night sky as we sat in the steaming water and vapor.

"You know…you surprised me in zere."

"I was surprised you didn't protest."

"'Ow could I…? I assumed you 'ad ze door locked or some'zing if you took zat chance. Well…no. I take zat back. I couldn't zink much once you started."

"Mission accomplished, then. Besides, you know I have an appetite for sexy things."

"Britney Spears 'as 'ad a very positive influence on you, I see. I like it."

"Well, you deserve it. I'm still not over the shock of finally being married to you."

"Savor it, 'Ermione. I'm not over it at all. But I must ask you some'zing…"

"I'm listening."

"Were you nervous at all? Before ze ceremony…"

"I was. My hands were shaking and everything, but I was just so happy and proud that it didn't matter. I'm still happy and proud even after the fact. Not to mention a little nervous."

"Why are you nervous?"

"I'll explain in a minute. But why do you ask if I was nervous?"

"Ah…well, to be 'onest, I may 'ave been a little over dramatic."

"My Fleur, over dramatic? Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Mmm, and just how overdramatic?"

"I 'ad a panic attack in ze bathroom and vomited because I was so nervous…"

I was expecting her to just roll her eyes and laugh, but she shifted slightly to look up at me. She looked concerned. I tried to smile at her; it was in the past. I was fine now. She got the hint and kissed me briefly before laying her head on my chest again.

I put my lips on her head and took a deep breath. Though, I still wanted to know about something else.

"Don't worry yourself over it, 'Ermione. I'm fine now. But I'd like to know why you're nervous."

"You always make me…happy with nerves. That's all I meant."

Any nerves that were attacking my heart without me knowing it started to register in my senses. I certainly agreed…now that I thought about it, my heart always beats a little faster than normal when she's with me. My insides always feel warmer with her in my arms. And my eyes always want to droop closed out of pure relaxation whenever she runs her fingernails down my back whenever she holds me.

I honestly felt at peace with her in my arms. She did too; her deep breathing told me she was asleep. I prodded her head to make sure, and I was right. But I noticed something else going on. Something completely and utterly endearing that I couldn't help but tear up a little…

Her hand kept subconsciously rubbing my back. And every time she shifted her body, she'd snuggle into me a little more. Not one negative thought floated past my barriers of bliss while I held her that night. Pessimism was impossible to come by; it was like the bad and evil and foreboding didn't exist anymore.

And it didn't…especially not with her at ease in my arms right now.


	52. Les Amantes du Flore

March 11th; Syukutsu, Otaru city, Hokkaido.

_**LIII. **__Les Amantes du Flore_

_(Hermione's POV)_

Fleur insisted that this little town in northern Japan had some interesting venues, even if it was a little off the beaten path. I believed her when she told me, and I really did believe her now that we were here.

It was evening, and the sun was setting just over the horizon. Fleur had my hand in hers as she led me through the town, showing me all of the tiny shops. I noticed an interesting one that had sentimental gifts in the window, and we went inside.

The shopkeeper greeted us, and I let go of Fleur's hand while she spoke animatedly with him in Japanese. I didn't know a word of the language, but she was surprisingly fluent with it. I even liked how sexy she sounded, still rolling her R's in her throat. She never ceases to amaze me, really. And I think I was just as amazed when I walked in the next room and found quite a few boxes for jewelry and other knick knacks laid out on a table. They were all about the side of a typical handbag, and every single one of them looked gorgeous.

I noticed some had flowers on them. I smiled, thinking back to the nights Fleur and I spent under that same cherry blossom tree. The flowers on the box were sakura, too. But the one that caught my eye was navy blue with white sakura flowing on the lid. It shone nicely in the sunlight that peeked through the window nearby. I bent down to get a better look at it, and it had some words in Japanese on the border in white –

花を愛でる. 失恋する.行いを改める. 恍惚となる. 望みを叶える.

"'Ana o mederu. Shitsurensuru. Ogonai o aratameru. Koukotsutonaru. Nozomi o kanaeru. Give love to a flower, 'ave a broken heart, reform oneself, be in ecstasies, satisfy one's desires. Mmm. Sounds interesting, non?"

I turned to look at her bending down next to my face. The sun playing in her eyes and dazzling her hair caught me by surprise. I know I had a blank expression on my face, and I bet she knew why. The way she smiled with her eyes and chuckled softly told me that much. I just smiled back and nodded before looking at the box again.

My heart beats picked up while I observed it. I could have written it off to Fleur playfully rubbing her cheek against mine, making me blush profusely and giggle, but I don't think that was entirely it. I really liked the box. And Fleur.

I ran a hand across the top of it and marveled at how smooth it was. The corners were smooth, too. I used both hands to open it and tilted my head at the brown velvet that lay inside. There was a mirror under the lid. I moved it so that Fleur and I could see ourselves in it and I felt my mouth curl up a little more, just seeing how serene she looked next to me.

My conscience left reality but my feet stayed grounded as we stood there in the light of the sunset. I saw specks of dust float in front of our faces, and I felt ribbons of her affection wrap around my eyes and ears. I felt like I was floating along a deep expanse of memories from focusing so much on her smiling face next to mine. I wasn't smiling anymore. I felt like I wasn't even looking at _myself _in the mirror. More like someone else. But Fleur would forever be smiling to cheer me up. Whichever 'me' I decided to be, that is. I really liked the security she was giving me.

I found myself becoming entranced. I was enraptured, feeling a strange thump against my chest. A thump of anxiety, maybe. I wasn't sure…

"I can buy it for you if you'd like, love."

"Oh… Y-you don't have to."

"I would feel bad if I didn't. I 'ave never seen you so fascinated by some'zing so simple as a box."

"If you insist…"

"Is zere any'zing else you'd like? Or do you want to try zat noodle restaurant now?"

"We can go there now, sure."

"Mmm, alright."

I blinked a few times when Fleur placed her hands over mine to close the lid. She held my hands and helped me take the box to the shopkeeper to purchase it. In a matter of minutes, we were off again.

But for some strange, strange reason, I wished I could hold on to the feel of her hands over mine with the box in my hands. It was weird.

* * *

Our box sat on the table to the side while Fleur and I sat in the small restaurant, eating and talking. She was making fun of me because I didn't know how to use chopsticks correctly, just because _she _was such an expert with them. It got to the point where I gave up and she started feeding me with hers. Not that I was complaining.

"Any ozzer time, you'd know 'ow to do some'zing."

"My fingers just don't work that way, sorry."

"I suppose not. After all, I should know, non?"

"What do you mean?"

She just shrugged and smiled while she offered me more noodles. I raised an eyebrow at her while she fed me, and my other one raised when she laughed at my slurping. But I thought she _told _me to slurp to make the food taste better, as good as it already was…

"_Now _what?"

"You should know. It relates to your dexterous fingers, I zink."

"Fleur, you're not making any…"

Oh…oh… I got it. I smiled and rolled my eyes and she gave me a glittery smile of her own. So Fleur obviously had a little something on her mind and enjoyed making sexual innuendos left and right. Not that I didn't enjoy it; on the contrary, I liked it. I especially liked how she slurped some of her noodles and snorted with laughter right when I did. The light of the sunset was still doing wonders for her eyes and hair, and I loved it.

We stayed in there for a while even after she finished her food and fed all of mine to me. I liked that we never had any awkward silences. She and I never ran out of things to talk about, no matter where we were. And every time I did talk, I noticed the way her eyes would light up. It was interesting to watch her adoration and respect for me float across her eyes…just like those dust specs.

* * *

Just as the sun was starting to disappear behind the horizon, Fleur took me somewhere to watch the rest of the sunset. A fishing port, she said. There was a long cement walkway just ahead that led to a red lighthouse, I think it was. The walkway was surrounded by a body of water, like a solid pier risen a good amount of feet above the water. There were mountains not too far away, just barely hidden by the clouds.

I was about to marvel at how pretty the multicolored clouds were, but she grabbed our box from my arms and took off in the direction of the lighthouse on the cement walkway. I smiled and ran after her, of course. It was almost cute, how she'd look back every now and then to wink at me. It was almost surreal how it seemed like I was chasing her down a tunnel lit with all of the orange and purple and red hues in the sky.

"Faster, 'Ermione!"

She gave a laugh to the wind and I grinned as I sped up. My heart was crying out for rest, and there was still a ways to run, but it didn't matter. Her occasional winks kept me going. Her hair practically bouncing up and down behind her, shining with every bit of sunlight still outside, was enough to keep just enough of my heart bouncing up and down with delight. And the most obvious thing was that it was a nice view from back here. Fleur could tell; it seemed like every time I saw her looking back at me, I had just looked up from observing her backside. Her grins and winks were as enticing as ever. I almost didn't want to stop running after her. I especially didn't want to stop our laughter, either.

But we did have to stop once we finally reached the lighthouse. Before I could even stop to catch my breath, she set the box down and swept me in her arms to let me catch my breath in her mouth instead. I loved her lips over mine even if my body was screaming for oxygen. If anything, it was screaming for her instead. It always did, and forever would be.

I tangled my fingers in her hair to capture the sunlight I marveled at earlier. Her chest just over mine was heaving as much as mine was, but I toyed myself with thinking that it was doing it for me. Just like mine was doing for her. My heart still soared with a comforting warmth with her tongue on mine, despite my exhaustion. My skin still tingled with delight, even though it was starting to get cold out. She seemed to sense it as she pulled away and took a deep breath to look down at me.

"Cold?"

"A little bit. Not really."

"Mmm, well let's sit 'ere for a while. We might as well since we're out 'ere."

She took off her jacket and wrapped it around both of us while we sat against the lighthouse. I was expecting her to say something else, but she looked through one of her pockets and pulled out a piece of paper. The smile on her face was a little uncertain as she handed it to me. I didn't waste any time to read it, hoping that it would clarify things.

_You know, I almost don't want to go back to Paris. Being here with you, at a home away from home, has been one of the best experiences of my life. The best being, of course, our wedding day. Going back to work and actually having to spend time apart sometimes, even if it's just for a few hours, doesn't sound very appealing to me. But I know we have to…I just wish we didn't._

_I absolutely love how much closer we've grown ever since we had those dreams. I wonder if Kelly will have her booth up again this April. We should go see. It should be interesting to see which dreams she'll give us. Besides, I need to thank her for everything she's done. _

_I wish I could tell you how much I…love you, Hermione. I wish it were possible, but it isn't. I honestly don't know where I'd be if I didn't have you. I don't know if I'd still be alive, even. My life was just a spiral of lies until you came along. I'm glad that you've helped me to put everything behind me the right way instead of building more lies around myself. _

_Even though there are a lot of…uncertainties for us in the future, I don't mind. I promised myself to not be afraid of the future. You trusted me enough to marry me, so now I need to trust myself. I can't say that I ever have before now. You've helped me in so many ways. I can't even begin to describe them all, and I'll never be able to thank you enough. But I promise you I'll love you just right. _

_I don't think I'll ever be able to go to sleep at night, let alone want to, without thinking back to our vows. The security that they give me is indescribable, just like the comfort in knowing that you're here now. There's nowhere else I'd rather be than right here with you. Right here under the purple sky, so close to you, keeping my heart alive with so much…love. _

_So I need to ask you…in case something happens, and…well, you know. Promise me you'll meet me here when I ask you to. If you have any ounce of love left for me, please let us meet here. I'll make everything better. I'll do everything I can to convince you of everything. I just…need the assurance that I'll have a chance. So please promise me and…don't you dare forget. Please…_

Fleur had her face on mine again to keep me warm. I let my eyes linger on the last paragraph for a while. She was shaking a little, and not because of the cold. I know that wasn't it.

I turned my head a little to look in her eyes. She looked into mine, and I smiled. I wasn't concerned or worried or afraid of anything. Not with her here. Not with her looking at me like this. The way she could keep me warm with every ounce of her love from me pouring through her eyes and into mine blocked off any negative emotions or possibilities.

I folded her note back up and held it close to my heart for a moment before putting it in our box. I had her stand up with me and I led her to the edge of the concrete by the water. Her jacket was still wrapped around the both of us while I looked up at her. She looked so confused, but I was still smiling anyway.

"I'll promise I won't forget, and I'll promise I'll be back here on one condition."

"And what would zat be…?"

I stepped away from her just as the sun disappeared. Darkness started to enshroud us, but she still stood out to me like a dove in dark tunnel. The most important thing was that she didn't look scared. Just surprised.

"Tell me how much you love me. Right here. Yell it to the world. Shout and laugh and…everything. I want to hear you."

"'Ermione…"

"Well? You love me, don't you?"

"Of course I do…"

"Hm? I can't hear you!"

"I said of course I do.. I love you, 'Ermione. I love you, I love you, I love you!"

"Louder now!"

"I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU! I love you more and louder and stronger zan anyone's voice can _ever _become!"

I laughed loudly just as she held me around my waist and picked me up. She spun me around once and kissed me, and I could still feel the echoes of her declaration warming my ears. I kept whispering 'I promise' down her throat with a huge smile on my face. I swear I could never get tired of kissing her…

While I was running my hands through her hair again, I felt something odd. Well, it was soft, but not like her hair. I pulled back for air just as I pulled out whatever it was I felt. It was a cherry blossom petal.

Fleur titled her head at it with a small smile on her face while I held it in between us. I thought it odd that I didn't feel it before, but she didn't seem surprised that a flower petal was in her hair all this time.

"Mmm, such a nice symbol for zis moment. Zis place, even."

"You think so?"

"Oui. I am _your _flower, after all. I'm amused zat zis one piece managed to stay in my 'air all zis time. And you finally manage to find it while we're sharing a kiss… I like it."

"I like it, too. I'm keeping it. We'll keep it."

"Aren't you glad I bought zat box now?"

I smiled at her just as I walked over to it and bent down to put the petal inside. I laid it on top of her letter and took a deep breath. This was yet another amazing memory that I'll cherish forever and ever and beyond then. The way she walked over to me and held me close while we sat down again reassured me over and over again that I would.

And this box was going to help me remember it.

"Yes, Fleur. I'm glad you bought it…very glad."


	53. Lucifer

April 2nd; Home sweet home.

_**LIV. **__Lucifer_

_(Fleur's POV)_

My sniggers echoed nicely in the dark kitchen that morning while I looked around for something in the refrigerator. Something that will help me…help _Hermione…_get somewhere. It was two in the morning, but I just couldn't sleep. She was sleeping just fine, but I plan to interrupt soon.

Whipped cream? Hmm, no. Overused. Fruit? No, no…something else. Or this? Wait…no, no, no. I don't think Hermione has a fetish for eggs. Um… Maybe the refrigerator just wasn't where I'd find anything good. I closed it and opened the freezer instead, and my eyes immediately flew to the tube of vanilla ice cream.

Perfect.

I put a freezing charm on it so it wouldn't melt, then looked around the kitchen one last time as I closed the freezer. I don't think anything else was needed. Without a second thought, I crept back upstairs and into our bedroom. Hermione was still asleep under the duvet in just a black two piece. As sexy as she is, I really would prefer her without any clothes. Or inhibitions.

Speaking of inhibitions…mine left me as I walked to the other side of the bed by the window and set the ice cream down. I was wearing nothing but black jeans because I wanted to try something. Something a little more interesting to get her somewhere a little familiar, but in a more interesting way. You know…

I glanced behind me to make sure she was still asleep before opening the drawer to the bedside table. I opened a hidden drawer inside of this one and pulled out our wedding present from the guys. Yes…the _magical _strap-on. I guess we'd find out just how _magical _it is very soon.

I unzipped my jeans and got rid of any hesitations about this as I strapped it around my waist. It was limp before, but now that I had it on me in place, it grew…well, _hard. _I know I was horny, but how did it know? No, really; it was limp before as in you couldn't tell it was just a toy. I glanced at Hermione again, and she was still asleep. But as soon as I started wondering how she'd react to this, it kind of…melted onto me. I freaked out and undid the straps, and I had no trouble removing it. The dildo was limp again. I frowned and strapped it back on and looked at Hermione; again, it grew hard and melted into me.

Well…I guess as long as I can remove it, that's fine. But this is some interesting magic, I must say… And it was actually large. I think George muttered off-handedly something like nine inches. _Nine… _And Hermione's still a virgin…

I tried to push the thing down as much as I could to zip up my jeans again, but I _swear _I FELT my hand over it. It was like I somehow had senses and nerves there. My jaw was on the floor by the time I managed to zip my jeans again. I could see…_my _erection through the jeans, as tight as they already were on me. I could feel the zipper and denim against me. It was too uncomfortable. But I guess it'll pay off soon…

Once that was over with, I took a deep, quiet breath while I looked at Hermione again. She was on her back with her head to the side, sleeping peacefully. Her hair wasn't blonde anymore; it went back to that dark brown color. Either one was fine with me, really. But I felt my gaze go as hard as I was while I imagined her pulling and ripping and _tearing _at mine because of what I could do to her now. My heartbeats sped up like they always did whenever I looked at her, but now there were tinges of hopeful anxiety there, too.

Besides…I woke up moments ago, against my will, right when I was deep inside of a dream with me deep inside of her.

I swallowed and tried to keep my shallow breaths quiet as I stood up and removed the duvet from her lustrous body. She didn't shift at all. Her breaths were calm and deep. There was a small smile on her face, but I wanted to rip it off. Her body was almost glowing in the moonlight from the huge window behind me, and her waist was the only part that wore the shadow of my body. I didn't want my shadow to be the only thing on her, though. In her. With her. Making her cry out and whine and groan…

My gaze was still hard while I bent down to the tube of ice cream. I scooped just enough in my hands and put the lid back on. I wasn't concerned about our sheets getting stained. I didn't care about anything but surprising her. Pleasing her. Just the thought of feeling and hearing her arousal made me stiffen and relax with a lust-filled haze flowing through my muscles. I toyed with the idea of showing her just how strong I am; just how strong _she _makes me.

I crawled on the bed and put my knees at either side of her curves. I didn't dare touch her yet. I watched her sleep for a moment, my expression never changing, and my breaths ever unsteadying. It was turn-on enough to just kneel down over her and imagine. Fantasize. But I could do so much more…and I needed to. I wanted her to experience this.

And a sick, sick part of me reveled in the idea of taking her virginity away. I didn't shake the thought; it only made me pulse more.

I wasted no time in slipping my hand inside of her thong. I raised an eyebrow and bit my lip while I watched her expression change. She arched into me a little and craned her neck more and more the closer my hand, and the ice cream, got to her. The feel of the cold mixing with her warmth was almost too much for _me _to handle… A breathy moan floated from her closed mouth but her eyes refused to open. I felt her thighs tighten around my hand, but I kept sliding down, teasingly and agonizingly slow…

Her hips jerked up and her eyes shot open with a groan to go along with it when I started rubbing my way down. The ice cream had reached its destination and so did her eyesight. She looked panicked for a split second, but she calmed down once she realized it was me. My lip might have started bleeding from me biting it so hard; the way her eyes fluttered closed with her occasional quiet moans fluttering through my senses was almost torture.

I let my lip go and figured I'd talk to her a little bit. Just to get things…started. She opened her eyes while I did. I made sure to keep my eyebrow raised, and my voice raised just above a husky murmur…

"Mmm…I never zought I'd see you like zis. You're looking good when you're 'alf-dressed. Just let me give you one last test…is zat a sin?"

She licked her lips and gave me a hungry gaze while I moved my hips down to hers. I don't think she noticed it yet. The ice cream was still on her, inside of her… I kept my eyes inside of hers, though. I kept my jeans from brushing against her. She sat up to wrap her arms around my neck. I could have taken her now, just as she was…just as we were…but I wanted to have a little more fun with this first.

Her breaths on my chin were too enticing. So shallow, so hungry, so…lust-filled. The hair just barely flowing across her eye was so full, just like I know she herself needed to be. Full of me, that is. Considering this thing is literally a part of me now…

And it was now or never for it to be a part of her, too…

"'Ermione, I don't really want to be a tease…but would you undo my zipper, please? S'il te plaît, ma putain?"

The scowl on her face made me bite my lip again while I grinned at her. But the grin vanished the second she looked away from me and down to my zipper. I heard rain pellet the window as soon as her hand brushed against me. My heart jumped up my throat for a moment just as her breath hitched. Her scowl was still on her face, and her eyes narrowed in curiosity. I loved how her mouth was open ever so slightly to let out her steadily increasing breaths.

I couldn't resist closing my eyes and letting out a low sigh while she took her time, exploring the denim and figuring out what it was hiding. It felt so good to have her slowly edge her fingers around me. She knew what it was…

I opened my eyes and saw her head tilted to the side just underneath mine. She was trying to get a better look at something that she already knew was there. That, and she was teasing me way too much… Blood literally felt like it was coursing through this toy on me, though. I pulsed the more and more Hermione kept on with her antagonizing. Her chest kept hitching…but she finally started to unzip. Slowly. Typical. But she was doing it…

Her brows started to relax more and more the farther my zipper went down. It was bliss to finally hear the end of the journey just as she licked her lips… But it was torture that she kept her hand right around me and refusing to do anything else…

"I'll let you touch me…if you want… I see your body rise, _rise… _I know you…_want _to."

Hermione gave me a very piercing gaze to match my own. Her hand finally wrapped around me and my hips shook. My knees went weak and I sat down on her thighs while she _slowly _moved her hand back and forth. I felt a shock surge through me just as thunder started to roar quietly outside. I felt a roar threaten to leave me, but I just let out a purr instead while I let her take control.

She still had an arm wrapped around my neck. My upper body blended right into hers when she pulled me closer and tangled her free hand in my hair. There was just something so…_amazing _about her doing something as little as touching me. I wrapped my arms around her and glossed my hands across her bra strap. The way she pushed her breasts against mine was signal enough that she wanted the thing off. I wasted no time in granting her wishes while she sped up her hand to please me.

I felt something…building. And not just inside of my stomach. Inside of this…this _toy _in her hand. No, really…it felt like I was going to ejaculate in her hand. I'm dead serious.

"'Ermione, I—"

"Shh…don't talk."

"But—"

Everything happened almost too fast for me to get what was going on – she had just stroked me a little more evocatively than normal, and I arched into her. But the second I did that, she skirted her hand down my waist and got my jeans out of the way. I opened my eyes in shock while she was doing something else with her hand.

A moment later, her hand was on me again and she was breathing in my ear. I almost didn't hear what she said. Not because of how soft her voice was…but because of how soft she felt against me. And not just her hand.

She had me brushing against her, holding me and making me wait. Her thumb caressed my length and I groaned with my lips resting on the silk of her hair. It felt like she knew exactly what she was doing, though. Her hand wasn't frivolous at all. So meticulous and perfect in its movements, just like her words whispering through my ear…

"Fleur, do you know how long I've been dreaming for you to do this to me…? But you're just such a damn tease… Though, I trust that you have no idea how this thing works. George gave it to you, didn't he? Lick me yes, bite me no. That's going to be our little communication key tonight…"

I licked her ear and she laughed softly in mine. She must have known what she wanted out of this magical toy, then. She knew how it worked. They really were serious that Hermione wanted this. I wanted to know why she couldn't just tell me, but I guess that would lessen the surprise.

But the surprise that she was so incredibly in control after picking it up so easily from me like a tissue was almost maddening. Incredibly sexy, but still maddening nonetheless…

"Does this feel good…?" A stroke of her hand. A lick from me. "And this…?" I felt…moisture in between her legs. I licked her again.. "And I take it you're willing to…step up to the plate, in case this really works. You trust me, I trust you… I'd love for this to work, Fleur. You have no idea… But first, I need you to make me scream and whine and come. Would you like that…?"

I didn't know what she was on about, but I licked her again. I trusted her… I know she and I both wanted her pleasure, but there was something she wasn't explaining. She was coating her words with her thick arousal. She may have even gone so low as to be conniving and sexy and sharp just to keep me hard, wondering about what she meant but still not caring at the same time.

"I want it rough. Hard. Don't give me tender. Don't give me caution or worry or fear. I've wanted this for _too _damn long, Fleur… I don't care if I seem different…tonight, my senses don't make sense at all. You keep making me all kind of hot and bothered, groaning in my ear like this.

"Take me in…let it out. This is way beyond the physical… I love you and want you enough and too much at the same time. So sexy, just to have you here, in my hand, teasing you so... But I'm teasing myself, too… Trust me; I'm already half-way there. And you're going to give it to me… _all _of it. To me. Right…now."

Rain hitting the window with the rolling thunder in the distance was the last thing I heard before she removed her hand from me. I pulled away a little to watch the shadows of the raindrops accentuate her hard face titled under mine, looking up into my eyes dangerously. Arousal shot through me immediately and I threw away my inhibitions.

My eyes were done taking in the fill of my virgin…my Hermione who was trusting me with the most precious gift she could ever give to anyone. She was giving it to _me…_

That in and of itself was enough to keep me going with her forever…

My mind clicked to where she needed it to be. I laid her down and moved my legs right in between hers. She wrapped hers around my waist and pulled me down with her. Her arms were around my neck, one hand on my back and the other on my head. She ran a hand across my face and up to move the hair hanging over my face and kissed me hard for a moment. I gave her everything I had for her with my mouth before she pulled away and moved her hands back to where they were. She was ready…

Pure lust and desire shot through her eyes like the lightning across the night sky as I shot through her. The bit of ice cream still melting on her helped me slide through…that, and she was already quite wet to begin with.

She and I kept eye contact the entire time. She was so tight against me, and it made me groan. But I kept at it as hard as she wanted me to, even with her practically screaming. I almost wanted to stop because I was obviously hurting her, but she just dug her nails in my back and mirrored the waves of my back with her palm on my skin. Her fingers in my hair might have ripped my roots clear off of my scalp, but I found myself _liking _it while I watched the emotions swim through her dark eyes.

My eyes weren't certain by any means. They were hard, but I knew to keep a tinge of love for her in them. I grit my teeth and groaned with parted lips while I kept on. I slowed down but kept my plunges hard and deliberate. She rocked her hips into me and our chests shook every time. With every entrance, I'd growl right when she exhaled a loud moan or hiss or whimper. She loosened up around me considerably, but right when I moved down to kiss her and sped up, the screams came back to elate my mouth.

I ate her cries full on and felt her hammering heart against my own. I sped up and moved to preen her neck. Sweat was dribbling down and I licked it right as I felt that odd tension build up inside of me. It was starting to get unbearable now. Her satisfaction filling my ears was just so fulfilling and incredible and almost tantalizing like her breasts against my own. Whines and moans and exclamations of my name over and over again made me go faster. My hands moved to her arms and I gripped her hard. I moved down to her hips and back up again, groping her with the same intensity her body and voice and pure senses were giving me.

She was giving me her love, and I was giving her all of mine and then some…

"Sss…fuck yes… Fuck me more, harder…faster… God, I love you…"

"I love you, too… I love you, I love you, I love you…"

We made eye contact again and I grunted as I clutched her shoulders for support. _Something _was truly getting close to bursting inside of me. Her walls kept constricting and relaxing around me in such an addicting and maddening way that I couldn't help it. Hearing and seeing and feeling her love for me was driving me insane, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Feeling body rise right with her head as her moans and breaths and gasps kept on with their crescendo was almost too much, though…

And just as she let out an ear-splitting moan, I felt myself…spill. Inside of her. It was very warm and slick and… not POSSIBLE! But she just moaned even louder…if possible. What the hell? I was about to pull back to make sure I wasn't imagining things, but I felt more warmth from her slide around me just like her hand down my back.

"Fleur… God, Fleur…don't you dare stop…keep going… I trust you…"

I moaned and felt my legs go weak from coming so much, but she just wouldn't let me stop. Her energy made me speed up despite myself. I knew she appreciated it; the way she kept arching and almost screaming was enough for me. The new sounds I heard were just as enticing, though. The headboard was starting to slam against the wall, but the mattress was too soft to creak with our rocking. I bit my lip and grinned right as I pulled her torso up and arched my own. I didn't stop, and we didn't break eye contact. There was a bit of pain in her eyes, but I know I saw almost too much pleasure dancing right along with it.

Without a second thought, I rammed her so hard that I slammed her back into the headboard. She let out a loud throaty moan with the impact, and my ears perked up. Her hips were right in my hand, and I pushed her into me while she threw her head back. She knew what was happening inside of her, but she didn't want me to stop… I have no idea how it was possible, but it might have just been a joke. Still…the way she was talking to me earlier was suggesting otherwise.

"You're hesitating… I feel it. I told you _not _to _stop!"_

Hermione surprised the hell out of me by rolling her hips into me harder than ever. It made me moan again and I couldn't do anything but speed up for her. My legs were still weak from the so-called ejaculation, and I knew my breaths were insanely fast from how tired I was. But she just kept me going…and going…and going. It was like I kept sparking a fire inside of her that I never knew could be lit while I kept this friction going.

This thing was a real Lucifer match, and I loved every single cry she gave me. Hearing her call my name out with hitched breaths was really something…

But I really hoped that this was just a nicely concocted joke…


	54. Lots of Surprises

April 25th

_**LV. **__Lots of Surprises_

_(Fleur's POV)_

Um…so, yes. We were all in Antoinette's truck, on our way to dinner just to celebrate Harry and Ron's engagement. And as far as I know, that was all that we were celebrating. The Day of Silence this year was tomorrow, and we all agreed to see if Kelly would have any dreams for sale.

Hermione and I haven't had sex since that night. She told me that she would talk to George about it, and they were doing just that a few seats behind me. To be honest, Hermione was oddly calm about everything. I don't see how she deals with it. The twins were at either side of me, and I think they were the only ones who noticed my possible distress. Giselle seemed like she was trying hard to eavesdrop on Hermione and George, but Dominique spoke up.

"_So exactly what's been going on between you two?"_

"_Um…nothing, really. We're fine."_

"_Have I ever told you that you're a poor liar?"_

"_Dominique, come on. If it was anything I thought I needed to worry about, I'd tell you."_

"_So there is something wrong."_

"_I don't…know."_

"_Fleur, you're impossible. I swear. From the way you're acting, it's like Hermione's preg—"_

"Are we zere yet, Antoinette?"

"Mmm, almost there. And you don't have to yell, you know. I can hear you just fine."

"Sorry…"

"What's up with you?"

"Eh…I'm fine."

"Mhm…"

I slouched in my seat and stared at my slacks, but I know I saw Giselle's eyebrows fly up her bangs. She looked at Dominique, but they had enough tact to not look down at me. Impossible. No. Hermione is _not _pregnant. The nerves in my stomach were saying otherwise, but it's impossible.

There is just _no _way…

* * *

Even after we all ordered our meals, I was still consumed with doubts and worries. Everyone else was chatting about whatever. Hermione was next to me, and she was rubbing my leg with her hand. In a comforting way, I guess. I've been unusually quiet ever since that night, and she knows why.

How the hell was it possible for that toy to do what it did? Last time I checked, women can't just _magically _have sperm like that. But I still can't believe how calm she is about all of this! What if she is? If she really is pregnant…then how would that affect us? Well, duh, she'd be pregnant. But I mean…we'd actually have a responsibility between us. It wouldn't just be about _us _anymore. But us and one more. Oh God I really hope she doesn't end up having septuplets or something…

It just can't be! But I'm still paranoid about the way Giselle was looking at Dominique earlier. And even now, they're just as quiet as I am. Hermione was busy talking to Ron next to her, and Draco next to me was talking to Gabby and Antoinette across from us. Squall hasn't said a word to anyone for some reason, but Draco seemed unusually happy. It didn't help that Squall was sitting next to Harry at the end of the table, either.

Apparently, I wasn't the only one here who was having issues with something.

But okay. Say she is pregnant. Then what? Then I'd have to calmly take her to St. Mills and have the Healers take care of her. It was as simple as that. Nine months just seems like such a long time, considering what's supposed to happen in less than four…

I kept drinking my champagne to calm down. Okay, it would be fine. I'd be fine. So I'd be a father. That seems so odd. But what about romance and having time to ourselves and not worrying about a child and running around the house having sex and travelling whenever we please and work and…just all of those kinds of things.

We'd be fine. She hasn't had any strange symptoms all month. No vomiting, no odd cravings, no mood swings…nothing. She was fine. Even though the most obvious sign that she was pregnant was oblivious to me, she would have spoken up about it if it happened. There was no way that she missed her—

"I missed my period this month."

Hermione just blurted that out all of a sudden, and I choked on my drink. Draco jumped to rub my back but Ron looked like he was about to slap Hermione. _She _was too busy glowering at him to notice me dying right next to her…

"You slut!"

"I am not!"

"Then what's this missing your period business about? You cheated on Fleur—"

"No, you git! _She _got me pregnant."

Gabrielle choked on her drink this time. I still couldn't breathe and I had tears streaming down my face. Only when I finally started slamming my fists on the table did Hermione notice what was going on. She just calmly put her wand to my throat, discreetly, and muttered an incantation. I was fine. Antoinette did the same for Gabrielle, and she finally calmed down.

I felt myself blushing with everyone's eyes on me. George was looking around with a guilty face, but everyone else essentially looked incredulous.

"Um…so…" Harry said quietly. Hermione was trying to get me to look at her, but I just couldn't. "Hermione, since we're all…best friends here…why don't you elaborate."

"Mmm, yes! Do tell, do tell," Draco said as he placed his elbows on the table. I shifted in my seat and Hermione squeezed my leg affectionately. I still refused to look at her.

"Alright…well, the strap-on George gave to her was just an experiment. He had some for sale in his joke shop, but none of his customers told him that it worked like he intended when he took a survey."

"He just told us that it would attach itself to her for added pleasure or something."

"Well yes. It did that. And it was able to convert the eggs to sperm while it was attached to her."

"Really? And just how did you manage that, Weaselbee?"

"Err…well, I remember reading on an old Wizard prankster who liked to fool around with magic and biology. Fred and I…thought it would be a fun thing to experiment with…we were going to give it to Ginny because we thought, you know, she had a thing for Hermione… so after all these years, I finally managed to get one right and I gave it to Fleur."

"Huh? Ginny and Granger? I never would have imagined that. Does she?"

"Y-you'd have to ask her, really."

"Oh, oh. But exactly _how _did this experiment work in the toy?"

"I don't know…Fred fiddled around with some spells to mimic artificial insemination. He left me a bunch of samples, and just told me to put them in the toy a certain way. He even joked and said it would be his death wish to get this to work, at least once. We'd be able to make millions with it, he said… but I only managed to get one to work, and it conveniently worked for Hermione and Fleur."

"Hmm. Interesting. So Granger, how did it feel? Didja scream?"

"Draco, is it really necessary for you to know if I did or not…?"

"Of course!"

"Er… 'Ermione," Gabrielle said quietly. "You do realize zat you are pregnant, non?"

"I was going to wait a few more days to see if I was just late, really."

"When is it _supposed _to start?"

"The twenty-first."

"And it's been four days since zen…I zink you should go see a 'Ealer or some'zing."

"But I haven't even had any morning sickness."

"Some women don't," Antoinette shrugged. "Symptoms vary. Sometimes you won't start getting it for a few weeks, sometimes you won't get it at all. But I really agree with her; you should go get checked out."

"Why?"

"I don't think it's normal to order a salad with ketchup and garlic in it," Squall mumbled.

"Or request ice cream with a lot of salt in it, either," Harry said.

"_Or _zat Fleur 'as not said a word all night wizout stuttering," Giselle said. "And she choked up when Domi asked if she was acting zis way because you are pregnant."

"Fleur, stuttering?" Draco exclaimed. I wanted to choke the sarcasm from his voice… "I thought you had more grace than that, Mademoiselle Parfait?"

"Oh my sister can be so adorable sometimes… but really, we should go to St. Mills zis second."

"Oh sure, drag us along with your sister and her pregnant wife why don't you?"

"You don't have to go," Antoinette sighed.

"Oh no no, by all means, let's! I'll grab the bill. As long as I get a big thank you from Potty and Weasel."

"Malfoy, do you always have to be such a prat even when you're being nice?" Ron asked.

"It's taken care of," I mumbled while I slipped whatever money in the book. I sulked out of the restaurant and we all went back to Antoinette's truck without another word.

* * *

It didn't take us very long to get there, in actuality. But I think all of my nerves kept slowing down time while I held Hermione's hand and walked through the hospital with her. Everyone else was in the waiting room down the hall. I felt my hand trembling even with Hermione gripping it as affectionately as possible. I wasn't expecting her to suddenly get pregnant because I was a little too horny one night.

I wasn't expecting to ever _literally _be the father of her child. This was just too much. I wasn't even the one who might have been pregnant, and I was more nervous than she was. My stomach kept flipping at the inevitable words coming from the Healer's mouth that my wife is pregnant. I feel like I screwed up. We should have talked about this some more. We should have planned it. But we just so happened to be George's guinea pigs and I took the bait…

I'll admit, it was slightly embarrassing that everyone knew I used a strap-on to make love to Hermione. But they were all attentive and supportive, even while discussing her period. I guess…it wasn't so bad, now that I thought about it. They were our best friends for a reason.

But that still didn't stop the swarm of anxiety that attacked me the second we walked in the room…

Hermione closed the door behind us and went over to the chair in the middle of the room. I went over to the window on the far side and ran my hands down my face while she changed into the white slip laid out for her. I know I was being overdramatic and probably not making her feel any better about the situation, though.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and sighed while I looked down at the city through the window. It felt like my heart was pounding against my entire abdomen or something. But I didn't want to sulk and make Hermione feel even worse. I wasn't helping matters at all.

But just as I was about to turn around and say something, I felt her arms around my waist. I looked at what little of her reflection I could see in the window, and she was smiling. Hermione was actually smiling at a time like this. She was smiling because she was happy…because she trusted me.

I don't think I trusted myself with this, though…

"Fleur, it'll be fine. I promise. Look on the bright side – there's only a possibility that I am. If not, we can talk about it some more and wait until you're ready. How does that sound?"

My tongue was glued to the ceiling of my mouth, apparently. I just nodded, and she got on the tips of her toes to kiss my neck. That just sent more nerves around my skin this time to swarm me, but they always do that regardless of when and where we are. I know I love her…but _this _was just so sudden and unexpected that I didn't know what to think.

But I know I felt bare and alone when Hermione let go of me just as the door opened. She walked back over to the chair I'm guessing. All I could register were her soft footsteps against the tile floor. I think I almost heard her hair bouncing against the rough fabric of the slip. But my waist felt empty without her arms around me, and I knew it.

"Fancy finding you two again! It's been too long!"

What?

I turned around and saw Kelly's beaming face. She was in a Healer uniform, carrying her wand in her hand with a checklist floating right in front of her. She and Hermione started up small conversation and obviously got all of the oddities out of the way. I was glad to have a familiar person as the one to take care of Hermione, but I guess she just caught me by surprise.

I licked my lips and went over to them. Kelly just smiled at me knowingly and started doing something with a machine nearby. I guess she was going to have an ultrasound done. I don't know what else happened beyond that, and I could barely hear what they were saying. I did manage to hear 'Fleur' and 'explain later' though. I wonder why they said that, though.

A little more time passed by. It felt unusually hot in here. I felt sweat pierce my forehead and I fanned myself with my collar. I think my head was starting to spin a little, but I was fine. I was fine. Really. No pressure. If they didn't find anything by now, then it was nothing. Hermione wasn't pregnant. False alarm.

There was something moving on a screen. It was black and white, and very minimal. I don't know why Kelly seemed so ecstatic about a tiny movement. I didn't understand. I looked at Hermione, and she looked like she was humbly surprised. Well, no. She looked quite happy. Very happy, might I add. She turned to face me and beckoned me closer and gripped my hand when I was finally in reach.

They were saying something, but my mind was slowly putting two and two together. I felt like how I was before our wedding all over again, and it was not a fine feeling. Hermione brought my head down so that she could whisper in my ear, but my attention was locked on the screen in front of me.

"Fleur, sweetie…nod your head if you can hear me."

I barely felt my neck move my head down a little and back up again. So she was going to tell me that it was just a false alarm. But the way she kept smiling and giggling against my neck was telling me otherwise…

And so was her voice, apparently…

"I'm pregnant."

And that was the last thing I heard before I outright collapsed on top of her. Great fucking job, Fleur. Just great…

You went and got your wife pregnant.

* * *

I opened my ears to the sound of quiet chuckling and conversation. We were all back in my living room, and I felt like I was lying down. My head was on her lap, and she kept smoothing a cool towel over my face and running another hand on my hair.

I kept my eyes closed and listened. One, because I couldn't find the strength to open my eyes. And two, I was too comfortable to do anything else. Besides, I was curious to hear if they were talking about me.

"I still can't believe Fleur actually _fainted!" _Ron said. "I mean, I know I probably would have. But Fleur? Wow."

"And she's still knocked out by the looks of it," Harry said. "Probably disbelief."

"Mmm, I don't zink so," Gabrielle said airily. "She was probably blaming 'erself and zinking zat she messed up by getting 'Ermione pregnant so soon."

"Figures," Draco scoffed. "Leave it to Fleur to worry herself to the point of passing out. This isn't the first time she's done it, trust us."

"She told me about it." I had to hold back a smile from hearing her voice vibrate from her legs… "I honestly find it quite endearing of her."

"Well of course _you _would. I think it's quite funny. Isn't it, Squally?"

"Whatever."

"What's up with you?"

"Nothing."

"If you say so. So anyway, Hermione do tell us more about this nice little surprise. What else did Kelly say?"

"She said I have to go in for an appointment once I'm eight weeks in. So far, it's only been three."

"And you honestly didn't notice any other signs?"

"Nope."

"And you're not scared or nervous or anything?"

"I'm fine. I can't say the same about Fleur, but I trust her. She'll be fine."

"You're really sure she's up for being a daddy?"

"I'm really, really sure."

"But Hermione," George said. "Are _you _ready? I mean, you've been smiling and acting calm all this time. But this must have come as a real shock to you…"

"I already told you I was hoping the one you gave her would work. I guess I should have explained a little more, but she didn't leave me much room to wait."

"Hmph. That horny, eh?" Draco said. I bit the inside of my mouth to keep from laughing, because I knew he was right.

"No. I just…didn't want to get our hopes up. I wasn't even sure if it would work."

"But didn't you say you—"

"Harry…now'snotagoodtimeto…bring that up."

"Hmmm? 'Ermione, what's zis? More _juicy _bits you failed to mention to ze greater audience?" My sister was so nosy…

"Hermy, just ignore her." How Antoinette and my sister were together was beyond me…I didn't see how Blondie stands her.

"Non! She's blushing and I want to know why!"

"Hey, yeah!" Ron chimed in. "You only told Harry 'n not me? Why, huh? What happened?"

"Err…guys, maybe you should stop." Draco actually said this, and for good reason; I felt Hermione pressing the towel against my face a little harder than normal. But why?

"Oh fine. Leave it to Malfoy to ruin our fun."

"Shove it. Didn't you know that pregnant women can suffer from high blood pressure? I suggest you don't piss her off. Or maybe I should be telling Fleur this, if she were awake."

"I guess."

"Anyway..." Thank Harry for changing the subject. But I guess Draco was right… "When will you be able to find out if it's a boy or a girl?"

"Kelly said sometime around the second trimester. There's a 99.9999% chance that it'll be right."

"So it should be spot on."

"Maybe."

"You hoping for a boy or a girl?" Ron asked.

"I don't know…either is fine, really."

"And names?"

"I think it's a little too soon for that."

"But that's the best part!" Draco said. "I can see it now. You and Fleur bickering over a compromise, even months after your precious is born."

"They have plenty of time," Antoinette said. "But we should probably go. You need rest."

"And a new meal plan!"

"Fleur knows how to cook. We'll take care of it. But thank you all."

"No prob. We'll take turns to check on you two every now and then, alright?"

"Of course. Err…I'd walk you to the door, but…"

"It's fine," Harry chuckled. "We'll see you later."

Everyone eventually filed their way out after hugging Hermione and taking turns to either pinch my cheeks, grab my nose or slap my face lightly. I wanted to react, but I was still too tired to do anything but think. The door closed and I heard Antoinette start her truck up soon after. And then we were alone again.

I wanted to open my eyes and assure her that I was fine, but she bent down and cradled my head in her arms. My heart picked up out of uncertainty; I heard her breaths come out a little ragged and sharp. Was she just pretending to be calm this whole time…?

"Fleur…I don't know if you can hear me, but I have a feeling that Gabrielle was right about why you fainted. I don't want you to think that you screwed up…you did nothing wrong. If anything, it was my fault for not explaining what might have happened. I'm happy that it worked…but I won't be happy if you aren't. I won't be happy if you're…mad at yourself or me or both.

"I talked to Kelly about the dreams again. She said she had one more, but it might last a little longer than my appointment time. If it does, that's alright, she said. But I want us to try it, okay? She said it won't reflect our insecurities or anything. More like…a little security for the future. She wasn't very specific.

"But I'm sorry if I seemed manipulative about the situation that night. I know you've been trying to keep calm about it all this time. I know you've been nervous. But I've been just as nervous…I didn't think it would help any if I showed you that. I just wish I had some kind of sign that you were awake…"

Hermione…always worrying about everything. Just like me, I suppose. I love how sensitive she is to my feelings, though. I moved my chin up a little to lick her yes…yes, I was awake. She jumped a little, but she understood.

"Can you talk?" I tried to say something, but nothing came. I bit her ear gently and she nodded. "Well, I guess as long as you can hear me, then that's fine…

"But I really am…grateful right now, Fleur. No, we didn't plan it and it was a complete surprise…but, like I told Draco, and just like Squall said in reference to me… What's life without surprises? I'm glad that this is one more thing that we can share together, Fleur. You literally being the father of our child makes me happy… I told you I trust you.

"So in our dream, I want you to be carefree. It won't be a test, she said… we'll just be in a completely different place with different circumstances. We might not even be 'ourselves' so much. But, like she said…it's security for the future. I don't know what she meant, but I guess we'll find out."

"Drink it now…"

"Now? You're sure?"

"Mhm… I'm sleepy now."

"Mmm…alright. But first…"

She pulled away a little to kiss my eyes, then my lips were next. I just barely had enough energy to kiss her back, and it felt good. Just as good as last year, but maybe even a little better… Last year, we were kissing just to kiss because we finally found our fire.

But this year when she kissed me, she only added to the wildfire I felt for her. These dreams brought us closer last year. And while we were only going to have one this time, I was very hopeful that it would be good security for her in the future. Our possibly…_bleak _future. But now I see another bright side that she's pregnant, anyway…

She can't ignore my love for her if I'm the father of her child. Quite the surprise…


	55. Los Jardines Donde Nadie Va

April 25th, 1990; Sarasota, Florida, United States of America.

_**LVI. **__Los Jardines Donde Nadie Va_

_(Hermione's POV)_

_There either is or is not a way things are. The color of the day. The way it felt to be a child. The feeling of saltwater on your sunburned legs. _

_Sometimes the water is yellow. Sometimes it's red. But what color it may be in memory depends on the day. _

_I'm not going to tell the story the way it happened. I'm going to tell it the way I remember it._

I heard the far off siren of a mating call from a bird. A pelican. Maybe even a swan. Or a dove. I didn't know. After all, what did my ten-year-old mind know, anyway? People never failed to tell me that; show me that. But now that I was out here, alone in the vast green expanse of the gulf coast, under the burning sun, I didn't care…

I hopped through the shallow water not too far from the shore in my short shorts and dingy green shirt. The water may have been green to the general eye, but a close-up told me otherwise. Small fish skirted through the water, and I chased them in earnest with my pencil and tiny sketchbook in hand. Uncle Draco and I always go fishing, but I wanted a little alone time. Only the pelicans overhead kept me company, and that's how I liked it.

Clouds just barely hid the sun overhead, giving my tiny world around me a silvery glow. I liked it. I stopped to get a good view of everything before looking down at a tiny fish swimming in between my feet. I opened my sketchbook and tried to replicate it, to savor the moment. Maybe I'll look back and think about the silver sun shining down on me, and the silvery blue skies keeping me from harm. Maybe I'll look back and think about how carefree I was, standing here without anything to worry about except for homework due the next day. Or maybe about how much my skin will hurt in the morning.

I made one last jagged line before going in the direction of the mating call. I tried to search the waters for something else to draw. The silver water. There was a clump of silver just below the surface. Or was it red? Orange, maybe? I bent down and narrowed my eyes to get a better look, and a man sprung up and grabbed me by the leg to keep me from running away! I screamed and my sketchbook and pencil went flying, but I couldn't.. The man was too strong, and he must have been remarkable to hold his breath under water for so long…

He looked scary and angry with his silver head with new growth of his crew cut. His eyes were wide and grey, and his arms keeping me from getting away were too powerful. I kept trying to yell and scream for help, but he clamped his paw over my mouth and growled at me before looking around. I tried in vain to keep yelling even with his hand muffling me, and he just shoved me under the water for a moment before yanking me back up. Not even the pelicans could help me; hell they were all flying away…

He kept looking around and I slowly gave up trying to fight against him. He looked down at me with narrowed eyes with sun in his face. His mouth was curled up in such a menacing way with his barely shaven beard poking out just like the bit of hair on his head. Water dripped from his ears and he actually expected to hear a coherent response for his question even with his hand over my mouth…

"What's your name, ah?"

I tried to say it loud enough, even with his hand over my mouth, but it wasn't working. His other hand was on the back of my head, gripping my hair too tight. I cringed and avoided looking him in the eye, but he wouldn't stop.

"Whisper, yeah? Now what's your name?"

I couldn't respond, damnit! But he just shook me again and kept demanding my name.. What was wrong with him?

"Whisper! What's your name?"

He finally took his hand from my mouth and head and let me breathe. I took a moment to catch by breath while he asked my name again. I didn't want to tell him but I was too scared to think to do anything else…

"Hermione…"

"What's your last name, ah?"

"Granger…"

"Where do you live?"

"The pier just south of here…"

"Do you know what bow cutters are? Do you know what they are? Or do you not know what they are?"

He put his hand over my mouth and head again and shook me, but I wasn't scared anymore. I had looked down and noticed that his legs were chained up. So if I could get away, he wouldn't be able to chase after me. I lied about where I live, so there wasn't anything he could do. I should have lied about my name, too. I need a new fake name…

But I did know what he was talking about… Uncle Draco was a blacksmith, too. I think I know what this man wanted.

"Look here, kid. I know your name, I know where you live. You say a word about me to anyone and I pull out your fuckin' insides and make you eat 'em. You hear me? I'll make you fuckin' _eat _them…" He shook me more in between words, and scared me again.. why couldn't I make up my mind about what I felt? "You be here tomorrow mornin' with them cutters. At dawn. With bow cutters and any kinda food or I'mmuna kill you for sure, you got me? I'll fuckin' kill yeh! You tell anyone, ANYONE! You're folks—"

"They're dead."

I managed to get that through his mouth and he stopped. He was still gripping me. Thinking about my parents didn't make me sad anymore. Draco was enough for me, even if my sister was supposed to be my guardian. Her boyfriend was more guardian to me than she was. But the man just shook his head after looking around some more and sneered at me again.

"You tell anyone, the last sound you hear will be your own scream… now go."

He let go of me and I made a run for my boat while he went back underwater. The silver sky came back to protect me again while I sprinted through the water back to my tiny motor boat. After I revved up the engine, I was off, completely forgetting about my sketchbook and instead wondering if I should help this man. This weird man who could somehow hold his breath underwater…

* * *

I got my boat to the pier and climbed up the wooden ladder. I ran down the walkway with the silver light of the sunset around me this time, but just as I was about to get to the grass by the houses, Draco came and scooped me in his strong arms then set me down.

"Oh, it's you Draco." I didn't know what else to say… I was still kind of scared from the man earlier…

"Hah, did I scare ya?"

"Heh…yeah, so you went out today?"

"Yeah! Got a nice tan. No fish o'course. Just a bunch of crabs like everybody else."

He ran a hand down my head and started walking with me in the direction of the old houses nearby. But I ran off before he could follow me and waved goodbye, fearing that I'd spill my guts if he noticed what was wrong with me. He just laughed and shook his head. I'm horrible at hiding what I feel, but I wish I could be as good as that as I am with drawing. Maybe one day…

"You rest up once your homework's done! We got a gardening job tomorrow!"

I was raised with a certain amount of freedom, I suppose, from my sister Antoinette. Draco was her man. They banned the big fishing rigs in the gulf that year, and we were poor. We scraped by on what Draco could earn doing charters and lawn work.

But every other kid I ran past didn't have to do much work. Kids on tire swings, laughing without a care…that was me when I was drawing. But the teenagers sitting around on cars, talking and flirting because they had nothing to do, nothing to care about…I tried to ignore them. I never got why they were always so hung up on kissing each other. I thought it was gross. Just like the old patches of dirt in between grass, and these old picket fences that were falling apart, and our house.

Our rickety old house that always creaks no matter where you step. I swear the flight of steps leading up to the front door are going to collapse one day. If Antoinette had just one more one day stand go up it for fun with her that day and come back down with nothing but pants on right when I got home…I don't know. I know she cheated on Draco with so many buff sunburned guys, but I didn't think anyone would believe me if I told on her. Even after walking in the creaky front door and walking through the kitchen to the hallway, peeking in her room and seeing her smoke a cigarette every day still made me mad. Seeing her smoke it with her naked back to me made me even more mad.

And seeing her raise her shoulder and shake her long blonde hair over her neck to look back at me like she'd done nothing wrong was just infuriating. I'd give her a I-know-what-you're-doing-and-you'd-better-stop look every time, but she never listened to me.

I walked past the tiny living room with the TV on the game shows to my room. I shut the door and got out my books to do homework. Caring about Antoinette and our money and our situation never did me any good.

She was dead to me.

* * *

I woke up early that morning to the sound of a thunderstorm outside. It must have been about three in the morning or something. I thought back to that man while my eyes forced themselves open. He needed help. Even though he couldn't find me, and I knew it, I got up from my bed and grabbed my backpack. I emptied it and snuck into the kitchen anyway, just because he was starving and needed help. I'd feel bad if I just ignored him, even if he was a bit of a brute.

Getting to the kitchen without waking Draco and Antoinette was easy. I opened the fridge and got as little and as much food as I could get. I went in the bathroom and got some of Draco's aspirin, but a bottle fell into the sink with a loud clank. I froze and craned my head around to make sure they were asleep. Sure enough, they were. Naked, in each others' arms under the thin blanket. I shook my head at my sister more than anything before going back to the kitchen.

I got some brandy and stuffed the bottle in my bag before looking at my sister in her room one last time and leaving. The floorboards creaked as usual while I crept out and into the back to get the bow cutter. I'd done this much work, so I might as well go, even if it was raining really hard. It was cold, but I didn't have any jackets. It was usually too hot in Florida for jackets, and we couldn't afford them anyway.

Sometimes I hated being poor.

* * *

The full moon was out with black clouds floating past when I finally got back to the shore near the man. He couldn't have been underwater still, so I searched the sandy trail near the water that led to a tiny hill. The water was silver behind me, and so was his sweaty face when he came into view not too far off. His chains clanked eerily to me while his orange jumpsuit stood out so much more than the night around us. He beckoned me over and hopped a little ways to meet me before he lay down.

I took a deep breath and walked over to him while I took my backpack off and set the bow cutters down. It was still cold, and I was still a little scared, but something just kept telling me to do this.

"You alone?" he asked.

I was too scared to answer, and I shied away a little. He rose his voice a little and repeated himself and held out his hand.

"You deaf? You alone?"

"No…"

"What? No you're deaf or no you're not alone? Ah whatever, gimme that."

I picked the bow cutters back up and handed them to him. He really was strong enough to cut his chains in half, even though it took a while and a lot of energy by how his face scrunched up. He got off his metal cuffs too and set them aside. I swallowed and busied myself with looking down at the food I brought him, and got the brandy out of my bag.

"Here, I brought you something to drink."

"Atta girl.."

He quickly unscrewed the top and took huge gulps while I watched uncertainly. His face scrunched up again, but he still kept drinking. I don't get why adults drink things that makes their faces scrunch up. But I think mine almost did when he moved his pant leg up and showed me his bloody ankle and foot. He poured the brandy on it and groaned, and I swallowed before starting to bite my fingernails. Antoinette always bites her fingernails. I think that's where I got it from. I shook my head and stopped to hand him some of the other things I got from the medicine cabinet.

"Here, I got this for you."

"What's this? Birth control pills?" I didn't know what those were, but I just shrugged and got out the other medicine and handed it to him. "Aspirin. Yeah, good."

He ate some of the pills and I handed him a sandwich. He snatched it from me and I flinched a little before he started eating like he hadn't had food in years. I felt my jaw quiver and I started biting my nails again without thinking. He raised his eyebrow at me while he ate and spoke.

"You bite your nails?" I stopped and looked down at them before glancing back at him. He looked away and shook his head while he kept eating. "It's a bad habit. People always tell yeh that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Bullshit. Hands; that's the sign of a gentleman. Or a lady, whichever you choose to be. Anyway, come on. Let's go."

He stood up and started walking towards my boat. I picked up my bag and the bow cutters after standing in the wind for a moment, feeling scared again. I ran after him, confused, and got in the boat right after him.

To Mexico, he said. So much for that gardening job today after school…

* * *

We were sailing for quite a while, with him laying down drinking the brandy and me trying to steer. I had no idea where I was going, but I still wanted to help him. I didn't know how or why Mexico was where he needed to go, though…

After a few hours, I saw a police boat. I tried to slow down, and he started panicking. He looked up and saw, then immediately got off the boat and swam over to the buoy.

"Ahoy there! You alright?"

"Y-yeah, I'm fine!"

"You seen a man down here yesterday? With a chain 'round his ankles? He be wearin' an orange prison suit. He's dangerous!"

"N-no, I haven't!

"You sure?"

I glanced over to the man, and the officers obviously didn't notice him behind the buoy. I took a deep breath and wondered how to get out of this, but I'd probably get in trouble somehow. I always got in trouble, even if I was doing something I was supposed to be doing. I swallowed and looked back to the police boat and shook my head.

"Tie up our line and we'll tow ya in!"

He threw the rope to me and I didn't hesitate to get my boat secured. Just as they started to take off, I threw a lifesuit to the man and didn't look back.

And that was the end of it.

* * *

Leaves from the trees overhead passed by but the sun seemed to stay in the same place as I smiled up at the afternoon sky. I wondered how that was possible, really. But I also wondered how I survived that insane experience just hours ago.

But perhaps you've had an experience like that. In childhood, told no one. Perhaps you've had that brush with the world so large that you seldom or never saw it again.

I laid on the old black bags of fertilizer in the back of Draco's old green pick up while we were on our way to the gardening job. Just as he slowed down and immersed me in the cool shade, I stood up slowly to take in the sight just ahead. I put my arms on the hood of the truck and looked in awe at the huge old gateway. It had trees and vines growing all around it at the top.

Paradiso Perduto, it read just above the heart-shaped archway with an old gas lamp in the middle. I heard buzzing and birds chirping nicely just as Draco stopped and parked the truck right in front of the gate. I hopped out the back and landed on both feet on the dead leaves below.

"Jesus, it's the land time forgot," Draco said as I neared him by the rusting gate with swirly vines. "Squall Heartilly Leonhart owns this old mansion."

I went through the gate while Draco rubbed his sweaty shirt and looked up at the gate in curiosity. I looked around while I walked down the long brown path of dead grass surrounded by greenery. There was a mansion at the end of the path, but the greenery was really interesting. Old plants hung from the sky like dirty laundry. Dead leaves littered the ground. I noticed a lot of old circular tables with ripping, dirty white cloths on top. Chairs law askew just underneath them. I heard Draco's footsteps behind me while I stopped.

"You wait here. I'm gonna go find out what they want us to do."

"Is it alright if I take a look around?"

"No! You stay put 'till I come back. I mean it. God knows what's in these weeds."

I grimaced at him before he gave me a hard look and went to the large doors of the mansion. I know he had my good intentions at heart, but I was still really curious. I looked down and brushed some old twigs aside with my foot and found an oval about the size of my foot on the ground. There were two stars shooting across them, going in opposite directions. I figured it could be my landmark; I was going to look around.

I waited until Draco was a little further away before going to my right and into a darker area. Sun still lit up some spots. I walked past a long table with that same dirty white cloth on it. This one had dirty glass cups and other tin food containers. Vines and weeds were growing around and inside of them. Past that, there was a bird fountain with a bird actually bathing inside. I turned my nose up at it, but I guess some water was better than no water. I didn't drink very much of it, myself. I didn't have a choice. I wish I could drink it more often, though.

But Squall Heartilly Leonhart was the richest man in the gulf. He lost his mind thirty years ago, and I remembered why when I got to the remnants of an old cake. There was a tiny statue of a bride and groom linked by arms by dirty fake flowers. His fiancée left him standing at the altar. Ladybugs were crawling around the flowers and statue, and I picked one up absently with my finger and observed it.

It was really interesting, really. I wandered over to a nearby stone ledge to sit down while I watched it crawl across my finger. I heard that mating call again, in between birds chirping and the usual buzzing. I looked behind me and saw a frog in the old pond, more vines like laundry hanging everywhere, the sun peeking through wooden roofs… this place really was beautiful, even if it was old and untended.

Just as I looked back down to the ladybug, it decided to fly off. I watched it go with a smile just as I heard a voice a little ways behind me. A girl's voice…

"What's your name?"

I stood up and turned to face her, and the tone of her voice matched the expression on her face. Her pretty face, actually… even though her lips were tight and her gaze tighter around me, I still felt myself blush. I saw the silver again in her hair. Her blonde hair. It wasn't like Antoinette's at all; this girl's was much better with the silver in it. She looked about my age, too.

I didn't know what was going on inside of me, but I really liked it. I especially liked how she started walking towards me. Her pale green dress almost matched her big blue eyes. Her legs weren't sunburned at all, and her feet in her white shoes looked so perfect compared to mine. No…everything about her was perfect compared to me.

But she asked me a question…I was being rude. Antoinette always hit me for being rude. I almost felt her hand slap me while I tried to get my voice to work. But the girl just kept getting closer…

"Hermione..."

I turned my body to keep facing hers while she made a circular route to me. She finally got about two steps away from me before staring at me for a second and turning around. She walked off, and I saw how long her hair was. It was really long, almost to the end of her dress, and it shone so much that I had to narrow my eyes. Her skin might have been glowing, too. I barely felt my feet move to follow her, and I think my eyelids felt heavier than normal. My face was still warm, but I didn't seem to care…

She was a ways away from me before she turned to face me again, that same expression on her face. It was mean, but it wasn't a scowl. Just while I was trying to figure out what it was, she turned around again and walked away. I thought I heard a really loud bird chirp just as she disappeared behind the greenery, but it was just Draco whistling.

"Hey Hermione! Hey!"

His voice echoed in my ears for a second before I turned to face him not too far away. He had an envelope in his hands. He grinned and pointed to it before motioning for me to follow him. I looked back to where the girl disappeared to, and she wasn't there. I ran over to Draco and he chuckled while we walked back to the truck.

"Hey, we're outta here! He slipped me five hundred dollars under the door! Gas money, he called it. Weirdest thing."

I looked back to see if the girl might have been there, but it was pointless. By the sound of it, we wouldn't be coming back here. I couldn't stop walking because I didn't want to tell Draco I thought I saw a pretty girl. He'd probably just laugh and hit me or something. Not hard; Draco never hits me like that. But I was still a little hurt that we wouldn't be back here…

* * *

"Antoinette!"

Draco and I walked in the front door back home and heard my sister on the phone. She was pacing around and motioning for Draco to be quiet while she was busy talking to someone. It sounded important; she was actually being polite. I could hardly believe it.

"Yes, well, she just…did she do something bad? …I'll be glad to… That sounds really… You got it… Hah, o-okay… Three, this Saturday? …Oh, okay, and thank you so much, sir. Thank you very—"

Antoinette hung up the phone and looked the happiest she'd ever been in years right while Draco started smoking and sat down with a beer.

"Babe, you're not gonna _believe _where we were today—"

"Draco…that was Squall. Heartilly. Leonhart." Draco lit up and smiled at me while Antoinette was still busy smiling her teeth out.

"See, I toldja it was too good to be true! What, he want his money back?"

"No, he wants her! Hermione! The richest man in the whole goddamn _state_ calls me on the phone and wants my little sister to go play with his niece."

My ears perked up at the news just as she started smoking, too. I tried to not show too excitement because Draco didn't sound that happy.

"Yeah, why?"

"Why? Because he met her! The old bat liked you, didn't he? She's a likeable kid," Antoinette said while she came over and held my face in her hands. I wished she'd stop, and she did as soon as I thought that. "Come on, Draco. She's adorable! Who knows? Who cares? Draco, come on! Come on now, this is a really good thing!"

"Oh no no no no, how'd he even know…? Leonhart never even met Hermione. He wouldn't open the door. He slipped this underneath." He pulled out the envelope and waved it in her face. She looked kind of pissed off for some reason.

"What is it? What is it, Draco? God!" Antoinette threw her hands in the air and paced around but Draco just chuckled. "You like livin' down here? You like livin' here, Draco?"

I rolled my eyes and decided to go in the living room to watch TV while Antoinette blew off her steam. I was wondering if she was only excited about this for the money, but I don't think I was supposed to care. Besides, the news on TV was a lot more interesting to me anyway.

"Escaped convict Seifer Almasy was recaptured earlier this evening by Sarasota police. This concludes a four day state-wide manhunt for Almasy. The convicted murderer of Leonicio Vespucci. Vespucci, convicted mob boss of the Catelano family, was gunned down in his home last Christmas."

It was him…that man I thought I saved was on TV, looking so dark and angry and still so unafraid. They showed him in slow motion with a close up to his face, and he glanced to the side and right to me, I think. I felt his eyes crack at my own with his stare for a long moment…

"Almasy will be returned to death row, where he is scheduled to die by lethal injection May 16th."

Camera lights kept flashing when he finally blinked deliberately and turned away. I felt fear from just sitting here and watching him. What if he hated me for helping him get caught in the end? Did he think I turned him in? I don't know…

I never wanted to see him again, even though I felt bad that he was going to be killed. Did he deserve it…? No, no… I don't think he did.

* * *

And there we were again at the vine gate that Saturday. Antoinette actually came along this time. She had her sunglasses on her head when she came over to me and bent down. She was biting her nails again. That's never a good sign...

"Hey, you look sharp for a girl."

She ran her hands across my smooth hair, which was much better than normal, and looked me up and down. I was wearing a green dress shirt and dark green dress pants because it was the only nice thing the kids next door had. The shoes I borrowed were nice, even if they were boys'. I guess everything I was wearing was for boys. I felt good in them, though.

Once she was done surveying me, she ushered me inside the gate and watched me go inside with Draco next to her. I just kept walking, even with her trying to encourage me or whatever it was she was doing.

"Now be polite in there! Say yes sir, no sir. Say may I, please! All that stuff!"

I rolled my eyes while I trudged down the dead path. It didn't take long to get to the mansion since I was too mad at Antoinette to take the time to enjoy the scenery. I rang the large doorbell on the side and stood in front of the green gates. There was a wooden double door just behind it, with one of the gates open. The door behind the open gate opened for me and the girl looked me up and down while the creak of the door made my eyebrows rise. Or maybe it was how I was so fascinated by her same expression. I wondered if her face would ever change. She didn't seem to approve of my clothes or my hair, but at least she didn't worsen her expression because of it.

"Oh. It's the gardener."

She left the door open and started walking away, and I took it as a sign to come in. I couldn't even think to close the door behind me; the inside of the mansion was just that splendid and grand. It looked just like the garden, except there was actual furniture and larger statues. No overgrowth was on them, but there were a lot of dead vines growing on the walls over the huge pictures. I heard music coming from a far off place, but it was pushed to the back of my mind once I realized who was actually walking in front of me.

I followed the girl through the toffee colored marble rooms with all of their ornate decorations. The way she was walking was ornate, too. Her dress today was a light green, and her hair was tied back with a large ribbon in a neat knot of the same color. It was interesting to watch her arms sway at her sides just like her long hair. Her walk was so dignified compared to mine. I straightened my back and tried to mimic her a little.

"The design of this floor was taken from the Alhambra in Spain."

Our footsteps echoed lightly through the mansion while she led me into a mini courtyard. I saw a fountain in the middle, spouting water from the center and falling as individual streams to form a circle. As fascinating as it was, the girl wasn't giving me much time to enjoy the scenery. I looked up while I followed her to look at…

"The ceiling is gold leaf. Real gold. It's exactly like the Thousand Wing Ceiling from the Academia in Venice."

Old Mr. Leonhart hadn't been seen in years. But his house…and his niece…wow. Just wow. I heard that he was crazy, and his niece must have been if she was motioning to his room for me to enter.

"Go ahead."

"Wh-what? Aren't you coming?"

"Quelle so."

And then she rolled her eyes at me before raising her chin and turning her head from me. Her body followed and her dress mimicked her arms again while she floated away from me and into another room just next to this one. I kept my eyes on her while she went and walked into Leonhart's room.

Nobody knew how crazy he was. I guess I was going to find out, though. His room smelled of dead flowers and cat piss. And this is where I heard the music coming from, because there was a record playing just inside the room that looked so much like the rest of his house.

A fat green parrot was perched in a cage by the record player. It looked so dead. But not like the man in green robes dancing by his recliner and the window. He was shaking his hips and finally spun around to face me when the song picked up. The look on his face was very playful and serious at the same time. His brown hair looked like a woman's, the way it was shaped into a bob. The make up on his wrinkly face was outlandish, almost like he was trying to imitate the old Egyptian Pharaohs. And then, he started sashaying his way over to me with his arms out and knees bent…

He really is a weirdo…

"Bésame! Bésame muuuchooo! Each time I cling to your kiss I hear music, dear mine!"

I tried to back away, but he held my hand and led me around the cage once before pulling me closer and heaving at my shoulder like I was some heavy box that needed lifting… then he put his face on my hand and shoved my nose on his chest, that was not flat. Did I mention that his nails were inch-long and painted red?

"Hold me my darling and say that you'll always be mine!"

He stood me up straight and extended our arms out while he led me into the next room where I first saw him at. He was still singing… he spun me around by my arm and shook me gently by my shoulders before he finally stopped and gave me a concerned look. If anyone should be _concerned, _it's me…

"Oh! Who are you?" What?

"Hermione, sir—"

"Please, call me ma'am."

"Um…right. Hermione, ma'am."

"What are you doing in my bedroom, Hermione?"

"Ah…I don't know."

"Give me your hand."

He…or she, whatever…took my hand and lifted his chin up. He made me put it over his chest while he took a deep breath with his eyes closed. I thought this was entirely too inappropriate, but I guessed that as long as I could see that girl more often, I could deal with _this _girl…

"What is this?" he asked with a sigh.

"Your…your boob." He smiled and looked down at me. I guess that wasn't the right thing to say?

"My heart. It's broken. Can you tell?" No…

"I'm sorry."

"Mmm…you're sorry."

He caressed my hand and brought it to his face for a moment before letting me go. He sat down on his recliner and shooed his fat cat away. It was unusually large, really…

"Wow…that's a big cat. It's the biggest cat I've ever seen! What do you feed it?"

"Other cats."

I widened my eyes at him while he lit a cigarette and started smoking. He took one puff before looking at me sweetly.

"Well? Go ahead! You can proceed." I stared at him blankly and he took another puff. What was he on about? "Dance."

"Huh?" He was looking at me like it was the most obvious thing in the world…

"I'd like you to dance for me. That's why you're here! To entertain me! So, go ahead, dance, anything! Pony, foxtrot, tango, meringue, anything!"

"I can't. I'm sorry…ma'am." I really didn't know how to dance…

"You can't?" he asked in a mocking tone. "I'm sorry, ma'am? Or you won't? You dance! Dance! Dance, dance, DANCE!"

He was sitting up and giving me a furious glare with smoke wafting and swirling around his head. I swallowed and tried to not cough from all the smoke. I didn't know what to do; I'd embarrass myself if I even so much as tried to dance.

"Oh get out of here…" He looked so depressed while he looked down and laid back down with his cigarette. But I didn't want to go…not yet.

"Wait! I can draw."

He sighed impatiently and looked around before he stood up. I followed him while he told me to use his lipstick and eyebrow pencil as tools. He ripped a good bit of wallpaper from the wall.

"Now, go get Fleur. She should be in her room doing nothing."

Fleur…her name was Fleur. I nodded while Leonhart was busy setting up a drawing station for me by the recliner, and left the room. I poked my head out the door and whispered her name to the hall and she came out from her room on the right immediately. I turned to face her, and her chin was raised with her head turned to the side while she followed the angle of her neck into Leonhart's room. Her arms just barely held out at her sides, with her hands curved right at her waist was almost too much. She really did look like a flower to me.

A very mean flower, at that… She didn't even make eye contact with me while I was busy being in awe from her presence…

I followed her back inside and watched her hair bounce a little over her hands clasped behind her back. She walked at a bit of a fast pace, and I had to jog to keep up. My heart was already beating faster than normal, and I couldn't blame it on the running. I didn't dare walk at her side; I followed from behind. I don't think I was good enough to walk at her side.

"Is tea ready?" she asked Leonhart on the recliner.

"I'd like you to sit for a moment. For a portrait."

"Portrait? By whom?"

Leonhart looked at me and Fleur just barely craned her head to do the same. The bits of her blue eyes that ripped at me hurt a lot, and I really wished she'd stop doing that…

"The gardener? I'll be in my room." I swallowed when I felt her turn and pass by me, but Leonhart thankfully didn't want that.

"Come back and sit. Over there," he said, motioning to a chair at the foot of the large bed.

Fleur floated behind me and over to the chair without a word while I sat next to Leonhart. There was a table right in front of me with the white side of the wallpaper facing up. He dropped his fat cat on the floor, and it landed on its feet and mewled angrily before stalking away. I tried to focus on it for a moment before letting my eyes move back to…Fleur.

Leonhart made a gesture with his hand to the wallpaper that I start before I could stare too long, and I picked out the eyebrow pencil to start with. Getting to glance up at Fleur while I did what I do best was interesting.. Her posture was so perfect. Her hands were clasped on her lap while she sat slightly in profile, still giving me that same expression…

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" Leonhart whispered in my ear. I agreed, but I don't think I wanted Fleur to know. "Une belle fille, n'est-ce pas?"

"Ne parles pas de moi avec cet garçon. Ou fille." I swallowed, not understanding what either of them just said. Leonhart took a sip of his nearby drink and smiled at Fleur. I kept my expression blank the whole time, though I felt myself blushing.

"What do you think of her?" he said quieter than before. "Come on. Whisper in my ear…"

I looked up at her for a moment longer than usual in between sketching. Her hair falling down her back, the side of it just barely visible with her in profile like this, was very nice… but her facial expression was not. It wasn't a frown or a scowl, like I said. But it was just so hard and blank that I didn't know what to think of it…

"Come on, now, what do you think? You can tell me." I stopped for a moment to move my mouth to his ear. Might as well tell him.

"I think she's a snob," I whispered. He smiled and I went back to looking at her, but he had more to say.

"Anything else?" I drew her eyes a little more, then moved my mouth to his ear again.

"I think she's real pretty."

"Anything else?"

"I think she doesn't like me."

I looked at him giving me a sad look for my last comment. He nodded solemnly while I went back to drawing.

"But you love her. She'll only break your heart, it's a fact."

I didn't seem to care. Even though she was breaking my heart with her eyes, I still sort of liked how hard her gaze was. I liked that she was at least giving me her attention, even if she thought me to be beneath her. I made sure to draw her eyes with the same bit of spite and disdain barely glossing through them…

"Tragic, you're already in love with her. And even though I warn you, even though I guaran_tee _you that the girl will only hurt you terribly…"

Fleur licked her lips and I felt my face warm up more. She finally blinked and I allowed myself to blink. I didn't breathe if she didn't breathe. I didn't move if she didn't move. Nothing but my hands and arms.

I didn't care about what Leonhart was saying. I just knew that I was in love. That's all that I cared about.

"…you'll still pursue her… And love green."

_Bésame mucho!  
Yo tengo miedo de  
Perdérte otra vez…_

Drawing her was simple and difficult at the same time. Drawing people was easy. It's just that she was such a difficult subject…

When I got to her lips, I wondered about maybe kissing them. Eventually. The way she'd lick them every now and then made me want to lick them myself. But how do people kiss? I wished I could find out.

_Quiero tenérte para caminar  
en tus ojos y verte junto a mí_

Her eyes were still as piercing as ever. So serious… why was she like this? I wish I knew. I wish I could travel in her eyes, walk in them, and just…see that she likes me, too.

_Pienso que tal vez mañana y ayer  
yo voy a estar muy lejos de tí_

But I doubt she could ever like me this way. Even if I do come back tomorrow, and the next day..she'd still look at me this way.

"Um…I'd like to go now."

"Oh, are you finished?"

"Before I'm a _teenager _please," Fleur said scathingly. And just barely so. But just barely enough to scratch at my heart. I took a deep breath to ignore it and picked up the drawing.

"Can I go now?"

"Would you like to come again?" he whispered. "Would you like to see Fleur again?" He nodded encouragingly and I looked at her drawing solemnly, nodding because it was all I could do.

"Yes."

"Ohh boy, ohh boy." He stood up with the drawing and folded it. He walked past Fleur and handed it to her. "Ohhh this is yours, dear."

Fleur took it in both of her hands and raised her chin again at me before opening it. Oh…the ways of the rich. And all my longing which began that day in the garden. But to _paint _for the rich…to see Fleur's expression finally change to one of very slight surprise and impression was worth it. But to have their freedom…to love Fleur…

I had my head tilted to the side, looking at her with my same lovesick expression when she finally glanced up at me. Hers was tilted, too. But not in the same way. _Her _same expression came back right when Leonhart did. She shook her head at me in a snobbish fashion and folded her drawing again.

"Would you see Hermione out, please?" Leonhart asked. "And you, give this to your guardian." He handed me an envelope, probably with money in it, and sat down.

Fleur bent down slightly as she made to stand up and kept that brisk pace of hers as she left the room. I swallowed and tried my best to follow her. But as soon as I caught up to walk just behind her, she gracefully threw my drawing to her right side and held her arm out with her palm up for a moment while my heart fell to the floor with my work…

* * *

Fleur led me to that water fountain again before showing me to the door. We went down a few steps, and her hand glossed so perfectly down the stone railing. I didn't think I was good enough to do the same, so I let my hands hang at my sides while I walked behind her as usual.

I stood a few steps back while she went to the fountain. She stood to the side slightly and bent down to drink. I watched her, wondering if the water tasted good. I haven't had any water in a while, like I mentioned. My eyebrows were raised in curiosity again, and my face felt warm. My eyelids felt heavy like my heart, but my heart felt nice. Standing here, watching her drink, was actually enjoyable. There was a bit of sunlight on her hair, too…

She eventually took the time to look over at me while she drank. Her eyebrows were raised, too. But her eyes still felt hard to me. She stopped drinking as soon as I thought that. Then she stood up straight while she wiped the water from her lip and faced me.

"Want some?" I shrugged, not knowing what else to do. "It's not poisoned."

I bowed my head and folded the envelope to put it in my pocket. I didn't dare look at her while I finally walked to the fountain and stood in front of her to drink. I felt her look me up and down with her head bent down slightly just as I bent down. My head titled a little so that I could face her, and maybe even chance a glance at looking at her from the corner of my eyes as I drank. It tasted good. But not that good…

What tasted even better, even though it surprised me, was her tongue and lips over my own... My hands on the fountain stiffened and I think my entire body did, too. My heart was going off like crazy and I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe….

Fleur lifted her head slightly to pull us away from the water. I didn't close my eyes; they were widened in shock, looking into hers while she kept sort of sucking my lips and tongue. I tried to calm down and tell myself to enjoy it…so I did. I closed my eyes just as she lowered out heads a little to let one stream of water run in between our mouths. But I needed to breathe…I didn't want to pull away, but I had to breathe…

She lifted our heads up again and we were both standing on the tips of our feet. I widened my eyes and looked down; I noticed her foot closest to mine was pivoting a little. I looked into her eyes with the water just barely flowing over our cheeks, and she looked so…so…mocking. Or was I reading them wrong? I don't know.. but they were narrowed a little more than usual.

I didn't want her to pull away, but she did right while I was trying to figure her eyes out. Our tongues were still sticking out of our mouths slightly, and I put a hand over mine and looked at her in shock. She gave me a tiny smile with her head to the side while she slowly wiped her lips with the back of her fingers…but as soon as her fingers were gone, so was her smile. Her head faced me completely just as her slight scowl came back. I just now remembered to breathe…

I was about to ask why she did that, but she just turned to walk from whence we came. I followed her with my eyes; her chin always raises ever so slightly when she walked. Her arms flowed just like her dress and hair behind her…

And when she got to the top of the stairs and put her hand on the railing, she turned to face me on her way up the stairs to the side. I was immobilized. I wanted more, but she was being…mean. She knew what I wanted…

"You weren't expecting me to walk you to the door, were you?"

My eyes widened again just as she turned that corner. I noticed the way her back arched a little as she did… I took a meager step forward, to savor the ground she once treaded…but she was gone now.

But I remember how it felt… I'll never forget how it felt. I'll never forget seeing her in this indoor garden, savoring her…_kissing _her…

Just to make sure…I went home to draw it.


	56. Like a Friend

April 25th, 1997

_**LVII. **__Like a Friend_

_(Hermione's POV)_

I still remember that night I came home after my first kiss. I sat at the table in the kitchen, painting Fleur. I was just coloring in her red heart-shaped lips when Antoinette came over to me, saying she was going to work. She complimented my painting and ran a hand across my hair, but I noticed her bite her fingernails when she said she'd be back in the morning.

She never did come back. Antoinette took the little bit of money we had, and left.

Draco raised me. We never said a word about her.

I still visited Paradiso Perduto every Saturday, even with old Leonhart getting more and more senile with every passing second. The money he paid me supplied me with paints and brushes, even if he did force me to dance with Fleur every afternoon I went. It started the week after Antoinette left; Fleur and I would waltz or ballroom dance in the square room with the high ceiling and chandelier. The backyard was just outside the windows, but we never went out there.

Leonhart had the same jazz song playing for us every single time, and Fleur would always give me the same look. From when we were kids, to teenagers now, she would always dance with an air of disdain towards me. But she always made eye contact with me.

"Smile…! Smile…! Smile—Okay, don't smile…"

She always spun around so beautifully whenever I led her to do so. It seemed like I merely thought of just spinning her from when we were kids that I suddenly became a teenager.

A teenager that was still deathly in love with the biggest tease of all time.

Leonhart would dance just around us in his green robes, almost like a butterfly, reminding us to smile and stay in sync while he smoked. Fleur never smiled, but she never frowned. She always stayed in sync and she never stepped on my feet, either by accident or on purpose.

"Wonderful, wonderful! _Feel_ it in your bones!"

It was like I was the only one who may have improved after seven long years. Seven years of hoping to make her crack a smile. I never could, but I didn't give up. I smiled just as the song ended to twirl her around once by the hand. I lowered ours as I bowed, and she gave me a small curtsey. Her hair was pulled back with a band on the top of her head now, but her hair was as long and shimmering as ever.

And her hands…her hands were always so soft in mine. Just like her curves. And the skin I could just barely feel under her thin green dress. Her thin heels didn't hold back her dancing at all, and I was jealous of how well she could dance in them. Me, I still wore boys' clothing. They were nothing compared to Fleur, but I felt comfortable in them.

Leonhart started clapping just as Fleur and I came up from our bow. I was smiling before, but it was wiped clear off my face when she let go of me and spun her shoulders around. Her body went with them and her hair almost slapped me just before she walked away. Her walk had changed over the years; it was no longer humbly graceful.

Now it was just downright sexy. Her dress was a lucky piece of clothing to be able to hug her backside like that…

"Where are you going, dear?" Leonhart asked her.

"I have to get ready. I have that cocktail thing with you know who."

"Oh, that old frog? One more cocktail and we'll be able to eat him."

Fleur stopped to face him and stood with her legs parted and one knee bent. Her face actually looked slightly incredulous, but her endless legs were incredible. Her body tilted backwards ever so slightly with her arms hanging at her sides made her look almost languidly dangerous.

And I stared as much and as hard as I could, not caring about anything else…

"What? No, no. Carl is the one I'm talking about. He doesn't even drink."

"Oh whatever, the whole family's pickled… Who's your escort?"

"Escort? Please, this is the nineties, and going by my—"

"I'll bring you," I interrupted. I regretted it the second I did, but I just couldn't help myself. I wanted to take Fleur to that party. I wanted to dance with her. Just…be with her. All of that.

The way her head turned to face me and bobbed down a bit when she looked at me made me realize that my mouth was hanging open. Hers was a little, but out of disgust. She still looked slightly amused, though. I don't know. There were always so many expressions on her face at every second of the day. Sometimes I wish I could capture all of them in my hands, my mouth…something.

But then I just sit down and draw her. It's never enough, but it'll have to do for now. I was too shy to do anything else.

Fleur just stared at me while I rubbed my arm nervously. She didn't say anything, but Leonhart did. Fleur looked at him with real disgust now.

"Certainly. Hermione will make a fine date." Fleur looked back to me with the same disgust and I felt my heart just…break.

"Oh, God." I looked away in hurt and shame; why was she always like this?

"Then it's done." Fleur looked back at him and sighed. Even if she was being a snob, I still liked how her chest rises up and down whenever she sighs. It compliments her neck and shoulders nicely…

She turned her shoulders to face me and took a step back as if she were about to leave, but thankfully, she spoke to me before she left.

"Okay fine, but you meet me there. Eleven fifteen North Ocean." She licked the outer rim of her teeth with her mouth open a little bit before turning her back to me again.

"Alright, sure…"

"And wear your dinner jacket."

* * *

"How much time ya got?"

"NONE, I'M LATE!"

I ran through the living room while Draco came out with a dinner jacket for me. It was white just like a tuxedo one. I had on a white dress shirt and a black necktie that needed tying. Draco did it for me while I slipped the jacket on and smoothed my pants down.

"Oh hey, where'd you get this?"

"It's Antoinette's. 'Bout the only thing she did leave."

"Hmph…that bitch." He actually smacked me on the back of my head and I scowled at him. What, she is a bitch for leaving us!

"Don't call her that! Now, are you good for money?"

"…yeah, I'm good."

"A little nervous?"

"Yeah, a little."

"Just be yourself, eh?" He finished tying my tie and I took a few deep breaths while I looked at myself in the mirror. After handing me the keys to the truck, I was off.

I had a date with my perfect princess. Or tease. Both…

* * *

"You're _not _on the list."

"A-alright… C-could you check the name 'Leonhart'?"

"Yes I did…miss. You're not on this list. And I'd appreciate it if you'd leave now, alright? Thank you very much."

I was in Draco's old truck to the side of the driveway just in front of the gates. The security guard wouldn't let me in because my name wasn't on the list…which means Leonhart didn't tell them that I was Fleur's date. What the hell…

Other people in fancy cars drove right past me with nothing but a wave from the guard while he went back to his post. He knew them by _name, _too. 'To your usual spot'.

Damn rich people.

Just as I sighed, I heard a knock on the window on the passenger's side. I saw Fleur's face just behind the grimy window, and she bowed her head slightly with a teasing slight jerk of her body when I turned to face her.

"Hi."

The look in my eyes told her I was angry, but just seeing her made it all go away. But I was still mad that she was such a flirt. A flirt who did not flirt with her eyes, though I wished she could have. But maybe her eyes weren't the windows to her souls since she wouldn't let me see through them. Her hands were always soft, though…

"You wanna get me out of here?"

Again with that craning of her head downwards to one side, and a slight flutter of her eyelids. But her eyes were still so hard. Her neck and shoulders above her strapless dress shone a little too much in the night. And her hair running down her back…God save me…

"Y-yes…"

I reached over to unlock the door and open it for her, but she pulled it open. I probably should have gotten out to open the door for her from her side, but I wasn't thinking. I sighed as she got in and sat down, hating the door for creaking embarrassingly. I was slightly out of breath when I spoke, but she already knew why…

"Where do you wanna go?"

"I don't know. How 'bout your house?"

She actually flirted with her eyes this time. And she was smiling a little. I almost couldn't believe it. Breaths were still a little hard to come by, but I nodded. Wait…did she say my house? Draco wasn't home. Meaning…

Nah…

"Alright…let's go."

* * *

Fleur was actually at my house. I followed her as she let herself in to the kitchen. She noticed the moths flying on the exposed lightbulb just by the door before ambling down the hallway while I took off my jacket. I was embarrassed by how filthy the house was compared to hers. And the moths.

"The moths around the lightbulb here are from uhh…the Thousand Wing Ceiling in Venice, Italy."

I grinned at her while she turned around to hear me sputter that nonsense out of my ass. No smile, but at least she didn't frown. I felt stupid for saying that. I felt even more stupid for not being able to breathe because she started walking down the hallway past the living room to my room…

I wrung my jacket in my hands for a second before following Fleur. She'd see all of my drawings…and…my bed. My bed. My bed my bed my bed was in my bedroom…!

"Uh…Draco's not here," I said to bide time during the walk while I watched her green dress bounce at her thighs. "He's ehm…I dunno, playing dominos or…"

"Is that your room?" She asked as she stopped right before the doorway. She flirted with her hips this time. Almost like she thrust them into me and knocked the wind out of my lungs. I nodded dumbly and swallowed while she went inside.

"Ah…I wasn't really…expecting company…you know…"

Fleur stopped just as she got inside and I stood beside her. She looked at one of my drawings on the wall by the floor, then up to me. I hated that she's grown to be just a little taller than me. I almost hated the dim light of my room still making her glow as if she were out in the sunlight. Her parted lips, her raised eyebrow, and ever skeptical eyes tore right through mine. I swallowed. Her mouth curled slightly.

I circled her so that I was facing the doorway and gestured to the walls for her to look around. I could only stand looking in her eyes for so long. I could hear grasshoppers and all kinds of other things chirping and ringing slightly from outside. I gripped my hands at my navel and shifted my weight from leg to leg awkwardly while I imagined what skepticism was going on in her gorgeous head while she looked at my work. I don't think she realized that most of it was bits of her beautiful face. One eye. A nose and lips. Among other things.

"You still draw." She sounded slightly amazed. I swallowed again and let myself smile; okay, so maybe she was impressed.

"Yeah. And I hang a couple of them up at Washington Federal." She whipped her hair around with her while she turned to face me. Her eyes were politely widened and her eyebrows were raised. Maybe she wasn't just fooling me this time.

"The bank?"

"Yeah." She laughed at this. It was a short, breathy laugh, but it was still a laugh. I laughed nervously with her before she turned around and looked up at my drawings again.

"You have to go to New York."

"New York?" Again with the hair whipping as she turned to face me…

"It's the center of the art world. If you stay here, you'll wind up playing in coconuts. For tourists."

I was about to say something, but she finally walked over to the wall on the other side of the doorway and saw the drawing that was undeniably of her face. I listened to the chirping and buzzing for a while and felt my heart speed up. She probably hated it if she hasn't said anything. She was probably thinking of a lie to tell me, to make me think that she liked it.

I watched her carefully, feeling my chest heave a little. My arms were hanging awkwardly at my sides but hers were clasped so perfectly in front of her on her dress. Her dress that still just ended at her knees.

She walked a little closer to the drawing and I kept waiting with bated breath. Her voice was not scathing or fake. It sounded almost…interested.

"When did you do this?"

"A while ago."

My voice was shaky like my breaths, and I just had to sit down on the chair by my bed. She kept looking at her face on my wall. But when she did speak, I couldn't help how she shook her hair behind her back slightly with that same snobbish shake of her head. It was discreet now, unlike so many years ago. But still snobbish. And sexy…

"I don't wear my hair like that anymore." I took a deep breath and balled my fists in front of me while I watched her intently…

"But you should." I focused on the curve at her neck and shoulder closest to me. I wanted to touch. But she wouldn't let me. I know she wouldn't. "I mean—"

"You like it that way?" She ripped her neck and shoulder from my view and turned her head to face me. Her mouth was parted again, and her eyes still looked the same since she started looking at my drawings.

I nodded; my voice caught in my throat and my breaths were still a little heavy. I swallowed when she slowly started a curved path towards me, swaying her head from side to side just a little. Her shoulders bounced up and down with her hair. And the swell of her chest barely hidden under her dress kept mocking me.

But not nearly as much as _she _was, standing so close to me. I let my arms rest on my knees and my hand was dangerously close to her knee…

"What else do you like?"

I caught myself before I got too ahead. I grinned nervously and looked down, but not at her. I spoke to her quietly, but I refused to look her in the eye. This was unbearable. She was just so…

"How come all this time we see each other every week…" I finally looked up at her, still trying to smile while I spoke. "But you know, we never did anything." Her eyebrow rose, but I didn't mean to sound like _that…_

"Did anything?"

"Like…went out, saw a movie; you know, whatever."

"You never asked." She was smiling at me. Evocatively, maybe. I smiled back, albeit stupidly. Maybe I'd get my chance now…

"And if I had?"

Her lips were parted slightly, and the bit of her teeth that I could see was almost blinding. Her eyes were glazed over under heavy lids, looking down at me softly. Her blue orbs observed me carefully, and I couldn't even see the whites of her eyes anymore. She looked down for a moment, then back to me, because she knew what my hand was close to touching…

"I'm here, aren't I?"

Her voice was so soft…and smooth… And the smooth skin of her knee was on the back of my fingers. She made me touch her. I took the bait and let my finger touch a little more of her leg while I tried to keep this going.

"Are you with anyone?"

"Right this second?"

I kept on with the subtle touching while I laughed a little and smiled up at her. She was being silly, but she was finally letting me touch her. I almost didn't know what was going on anymore, but I didn't care.

"No! I mean, like…"

"Like a steady boyfriend? Or girlfriend?" I looked back down to her leg; she moved even closer…

"Yes…" And closer…so that my hand was in between both of her knees…

"No." My head started to feel light with her entire thigh in my hand. I took as many breaths as I could while I tried to look up at her. I needed to get her to go out with me… now or never.

"You could have anyone…"

"No rush…"

Her breaths were starting to get shallow. Soft. Maybe she was enjoying this. Nerves attacked my stomach, but I didn't want to seem shy anymore. I don't know when I'd ever get a chance like this again…so I smoothed my hand up her inner thigh. I slowed down the higher I got. Maybe to tease _her _for a change…if she liked this. She could very well be pretending, but it didn't' seem that way…

She raised her eyebrows and looked down at me with her mouth open slightly. I was torn between looking at her leg or her face, and settled on her dress instead while she gently put her fingers on the side of my head. I widened my eyes a bit and tried to keep gulping breaths, but she was making that increasingly difficult…

"What about you?"

Her breaths grew a little louder. They were still shallow. I shook my head and she put her fingers through my hair a bit while a warmth settled right in between my legs. It was slick…unlike her underwear. My finger brushed against it and I tried to move it to a better spot in between her legs. It was so soft, and incredible…her reaction was even good. No…it was better than good…

Both of our breathing mimicked the other. I couldn't believe I was finally getting to touch Fleur like this. I couldn't believe she was actually closing her eyes and slowly inching her head back in…pleasure. Her lips were still parted. She was actually smiling a little whenever I chanced a glance up at her. My mind was going off again just like that day we kissed seven years ago…

"Why not?"

"'Cause I… I…" She let out a breath suggesting that she was going to laugh and smiled at my stuttering. She still sounded so aroused, though… "I just…"

I couldn't ask her… I couldn't keep touching her while I tried to be brave enough to slip my finger inside. I looked up at her while she still had her hand hovering on the side of my head, almost egging me on whenever she'd touch my face and hair. I shut my eyes and swallowed hard while I just said to hell with it all and moved her underwear aside and touched her.

Fleur arched into me a tiny bit and slowly threw her head back again while I just melted into a pool of liquid heat from in between my legs. I was soaked…but there was a huge, huge difference…

She was not.

I was slightly angry, but I couldn't even register that I was. I kept touching her out of disbelief that I was…well, touching her. I let my finger memorize how she felt. I tried to memorize every sensation I was feeling, even though I couldn't breathe right and my mind was still spinning.

But a tiny part of me knew she was just…teasing me.

"I know… I know…"

I almost wanted to cry from how good it felt. But it didn't feel good to her; she was just making me think it did from her movements. Still…I felt victorious for finally having her like this. I wanted more, though. She knew it.

She knew damn well that I wanted more while she bent down and edged her legs away from me. My hand brushed against her dress as she did and hung limply in the air just underneath her chest. She turned her head and moved her mouth to mine, slowly, while I had my eyes closed and mouth wide open… I was so desperate for her. I didn't care if she didn't want this; _I _did…

And when I finally felt her smooth skin on mine, I opened my mouth as wide as it would go while she edged her tongue inside. The ends of her hair tickled my hand while I tried to tickle her tongue with mine as we kissed. After seven years, we were finally kissing again. I felt even more soaked than before, and I kept trying to breathe my desire down her throat as best as I could. I wanted to seduce her with this kiss. I wanted her to feel all of the nerves in her stomach for me like I felt for her.

But when she started to pull away a bit and lick and nip at my upper lip, I felt hungry. I was still starving for her. I needed her so much closer… but she kept inching her mouth closer to me without kissing me, then pull back. Inch closer, back a little more, and again and again until she finally stood up and turned around. I knew she did, even though I had my eyes closed. I opened them to see her whip her hair around her back while her hips attacked me more and more even though they were getting so far away. My breaths were heaving and shaking… I was unsatisfied. The look in her eyes was piercing…just like the one I'd grown to be so used to after all these years.

I just sat there in her wake, shaking and nearly ready to sob from being ripped back down from that ecstasy she gave me, even if it was manufactured. Fleur…goddamnit. I didn't want her to get away.. I swallowed and tried to come back to reality, but I didn't want her to think I was mad. I didn't want to push her away. It was stupid of me, just like me getting out of this chair and going after her down the hallway.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's late! What time is it?"

"It's uh… I dunno, it's ten thirty, where are you going?"

"I've gotta get home."

"Why?"

"'Cause I have a million things to do tonight."

How dare she come in here and do this to me…then just walk out, claiming she is just so damn busy? I put my hands on the counter in the kitchen right by the door with her in front of me on her way out. I was still too hung up on what she let me taste to let her get away from me. No way. Not tonight.

"Stay."

She turned to face me and flirted with her shoulders a little. Just barely. Her eyes relaxed and her mouth did as well. Maybe she'd let me now. I've never been this direct with her before. She knows it.

But I still didn't understand why she was doing this to me. Or what the hell she said. I tried to calm my breaths while I licked my lips.

"Je vais allée à France demain."

"I don't speak French…"

The little chuckle she gave me was just…agony. And the way she just turned and made her way to the door without even so much as smiling at me.

"Quelle dommage."

I stood for a moment just as she opened the door, but I couldn't find the words to keep asking her to stay. So of course, I drove her home. I didn't say a word while I did. She didn't even say goodbye.

* * *

Of course, the next day I was back at Paradiso Perduto to look for her. I jogged through the dead path and into our ballroom that led to the backyard. I called her name while I searched for her, but she wasn't there. I felt stupid for waiting until the next day to finally ask her out, but that's who I was…I was just an idiot compared to her. But I wanted her and I didn't care.

Leonhart was in a thin green dress, standing at the doors with the wind blowing slightly. He, of course, had a drink in his hand with the record player going. I approached him, even though he was still creepy to me after all this time.

"Excuse me… have you seen Fleur?"

He turned to face me and beckoned me closer to hold his gloved hand. I did so while he led me out to the cracked concrete with weeds growing by the gulf water. He was weirder than usual, but I had to see Fleur. Thunder boomed not too far away and I think I was leading him more than he was leading me; he was walking slower than a turtle. Almost like it was paining him to walk.

"I never come here. Never. You know why? Twenty-six years ago, I trusted…I saved myself. I was a virgin. It's funny, hm? Those were the times, that's how I was raised."

We stopped not too far from the water and he looked up at me before turning to face the water. This was a nice story and all, but I was asking about Fleur, not his love life.

"Hah…what kind of creature takes such a thing? Such a gift of trust? Who does this? Takes advantage of a forty-two year old man. What kind of creature leaves this man, waiting like a fool?"

He pursed his lips and faced me again, letting my hand and arm free. I looked at him, confused. So this is why he's so bitter and insane…?

"A woman. A woman does this." He frowned at me a little then faced the water again while he drank. "So women must pay, am I right?" I licked my lips and shut my eyes for a moment in disbelief; he taught Fleur to think like this… "Fleur will make women weep."

"Do you know where she is?" I asked, already knowing that she was trying to do that. But I just didn't care.

"Oh yes. She'll break 'em. I taught her well. When she returns, she'll cut through 'em like a hot knife through butter." He turned his head to look me up and down and smiled maliciously. I swallowed again. Did he just say…

"Returns…?"

"Oh my dear girl. Didn't you know?" Uh…obviously not? "Fleur's left for school abroad! Switzerland for two years, then Paris, she's gone! Didn't she say goodbye?"

The look on my face was so upset that it might have cracked and fallen to pieces at his feet any second now. My heart stopped; my lungs stopped; the blood in my veins stopped flowing, too.

"Oh, I'm sure she meant to."

Fleur said she was going to France…in French. I didn't understand her, but she told me.

And now old Leonhart was just chuckling in my face, sipping his stupid drink. The nerve of this bastard… I clenched my jaw and swallowed. He reached out to touch my face and I pulled away slightly, but not before he touched me. He patted me a little before turning to leave me alone.

"See you next week, dear."

I narrowed my eyes while I craned my head to watch him disappear into the shade of the house. So he hates me so much because I'm a girl. And Fleur hates me because I'm a girl. They hated me because of something I couldn't change…something I had no choice over. How unfair was that… I almost felt like crying when I sat down on the steps right by the water.

I never felt so stupid in my entire life. What a waste of time and energy…

* * *

July 27th, 2004

Seven years passed. I stopped going to Paradiso Perduto. I stopped painting. I put aside fantasy and the wealthy. And the heavenly girl who did not want me. _None _of it would happen to me again. I'd seen through it. I elected to grow up.

I never did grow out of my habit of wearing guys' clothes. Draco and our friends didn't seem to mind. I'd even gone back to fishing with him, drinking beer like everyone else whenever we got a break. Of course I still thought about Fleur. Not a day went by that I didn't think about her. My feelings were suppressed, you could say. I tried my hardest not to think back to that night. I dreamt about her a lot…but I always tried to forget about it the next day.

And that day was when I was outside, painting my old childhood boat. It needed a new coat of green, and I was applying it when I heard Draco approach me with someone else. I stopped painting and turned to face them. There was a large man in a white suit, hat, and dark sunglasses with him.

"Hermione! This is Raijin Ragno, he's ahh.. he's a lawyer in Miami—"

"I'm from New York and we have offices in Manhattan. So, Hermione, I'm empowered by my client to make your dreams come true."

Draco started chortling, and I couldn't help laughing myself. Raijin chuckled after giving Draco a hard glare, but I don't think he noticed. My dreams, huh? How would he know about that?

"Really?" I asked. "Any particular dream, or…? Or just all of 'em?"

"Have you ever shown your work?"

"No—"

"I had Hermione's painting up at, what, Washington Federal bank—"

"Oh come on, that was seven, err, eight years ago! No, I toldja I gave all that up. I… I don't understand what this is all about, Mr. Ragno." I didn't want to go back to painting. I'd think of Fleur again…but he just wouldn't take no for an answer.

"How would you like to have a show, a one woman show, at your own gallery?"

"…in New York?"

"My client, Dorothy Nguyen wants to bring you to New York for a one woman show—"

"Why?"

"In her _gallery."_

"I mean this is—"

"Have you ever sent slides of your work to—"

"Oh, probably… I mean, I sent slides everywhere when I was in high school."

"Well, _obviously, _they made quite an impression. Here. A plane ticket to New York plus one thousand dollars. For incidentals."

I had my hand gripping my hair in frustration; this Ragno guy would not let me be. I didn't know why he was pressing this so much. I _obviously _didn't want to do it. He tried to slide the envelope to me, but I wouldn't have it.

"I don't paint anymore."

And I had a vague idea of why and who was trying to get this to happen. _New York…_

Art capital of the world, according to my dear Fleur.

* * *

The next day, I went back to Paradiso Perduto to see old Leonhart. No, I didn't paint anymore. And whose business was it? Whose business was it what I did with my life? Who'd gotten my life in order? Me. I was in control. And everything I wanted…I had. I didn't consider Fleur to be anything I wanted while I walked in that familiar room of dead flowers and cat piss.

"Miss Leonhart?"

"Cocktails ready, Thomas?"

"Ahh, no, it's…it's me. Hermione. I came—"

"Looking for Fleur, I know, that hook is in deep, isn't it, dear?"

"Actually, I came to ask you a question." I finally approached him sitting at his vanity table by that recliner that hadn't moved an inch.

"I see, after nearly ten years without a word, without a visit. You've come to interrogate me, how interesting."

"I'm sorry, things happened."

"I know what happened – the love of your life left you. Hmph. _Hurts, _doesn't it? And look at you…all grown up. A woman…in men's clothing, but still a woman."

"Miss Leonhart, uh…a _lawyer…_named Ragno came to see me…?"

"Spider."

"You know him?"

"Ragno means 'spider' in Italian. You must learn other languages, Hermione."

"Yeah well, this lawyer Ragno says he represents an art gallery owner in New York and they wanna show my work…?"

"Well you _can _draw. Can't dance worth a shit but you _can _draw."

"Yeah well, I wanted to ask…did you know anything about this?"

"Fleur's in New York…!"

"Yeah, I doubt our paths will cross…"

"So you're going?"

"You think I should?"

"I remember watching you from that very window over there. Scared like a little mouse, scurrying across my garden and through my front door. Now…_another _door opens… What will our mouse do?"

He started smoking and blew a puff right at his mirror. I scowled at him; he was trying to get me to go see Fleur. I just couldn't seem to escape either of them. Sitting here, being egged on again…it made me think of her again. And not in a friendly way…

I hated how much they loved toying with me. I really, _really _hated it…

"I expect an invitation."

"I'm sorry?"

"To your opening. Your show!"

Apparently, that was just supposed to leave me no choice but not to go. It was like he and Fleur made up my mind for me.

Maybe I wasn't as in control of my life like I thought I was…

"What kinda equipment you flyin'?" Draco asked me while we sat at the terminal at the airport.

"What?"

"They got ya on a wide body or ahh seven sixty seven or—"

"I have no idea, I just hope it stays up there…"

"Hah…well, you'd better get on," he said while the attendants opened the doors for boarding.

"Yeah…"

We stood up and looked at each other awkwardly. Draco and I were actually great friends…I mean, he raised me. He never complained. I felt bad that I was leaving him all alone, even if we did have plenty of friends here to keep him company. That, and I was still a little apprehensive about this painting thing…Fleur aside.

"Hey, uh…what happens if I get up there and…I can't? You know, I'm… I can't do it?"

"Hey Hermione! There's nothin' harder than bein' given a chance. Least that's uh…that's what I hear."

"Yeah?" We both laughed nervously before he offered me his hand. I shook it and smiled at him before we hugged…

And that was that. I was on a plane to New York City, leaving my old life of poverty behind.

But it felt odd once I was finally there. A Delta Airlines flight and one subway later, I was out in the rainy streets of the Big Apple that night with my bags. Taxis passed me by, and I tried to get one but I didn't seem to be doing it right. Rude people were on the payphones while I passed, and they honestly scared the hell out of me.

"How could you fuck a dead man? You _fucked _a dead man! You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna KILL the mothafucker…shit! Hold on! HEY!" He gripped the phone by his ear while I walked near him and he approached me. I tried to keep walking… "You got change for a dollar?"

"What…?—"

"FUCK you! FUCK YOU!" I jumped slightly and went around the booths… "Wilma… ahh. FUCK YOU, MAN!" He slammed the phone back down on the hook and I just shook my head and kept going…

Well then, there I was. Miss Leonhart as my secret benefactor sent me to New York. To draw. To have the girl. To have it all. And I looked out on the great city like so many before which held it all, and it was that close. And it was mine.

Even if my hotel was a little run down and cheap. Not that I minded.

* * *

"Li-chan, good morning! Are you still holding the Picasso? The red and green one?"

I followed Dorothy through the gallery while she was on the phone. She was a short woman with a bob like Squall had all those years ago. Her hair was a shade darker than mine, and a little more red. Her make up was flawless, and her eyes were cut-throat; she looked at me like I was filth behind a fake plastic smile. It might have been my choice of clothing, but I really didn't care.

We stopped in the middle of a circle like a mini Stonehenge. She hung up the phone and stopped to talk to me. Her voice was rather pleasant and mellow, but she herself was not.

"Your work, darling?" I blinked at her; did it _look _like I had anything in my hands? "_Here's _where you show me your work."

"Dorothy, I told you I don't have any… I mean, there isn't any work—"

"Then you'd better get busy," she cut me off as she started walking away. I followed her and shook my head.

"Just…just _why _am I here? Do you want some slides or—"

"Mmm… I gave Keith Herring a show when he gave me a sketch in the palm of my hand. That worked out."

"Yeah, but which ones? Which paintings of mine did you want—"

"The point is I saw something. The beginning of something. And here you are. What you do here is really up to you, isn't it? Stay and paint, or enjoy the sights and go home. Your choice. Either way, I always enjoy meeting a young painter."

And then she walked away… I was getting frustrated with this, but I went after her anyway. I was here, so I might as well do this.

"Look, fine, I'll do the paintings…"

"Wonderful. Call Marcie when you have something for us."

She grimaced politely at me and that was the end of it. People in New York really were different from the people back home…

* * *

I sat with my sketchbook and pencil on a bench in a park the next day. I drew whatever I could focus on long enough before it moved or disappeared. Nuns, umbrellas, mice, trees, beer bottles, birds…

And I could still draw. Nothing had lessened in as much as I had abused it. As much as I had abandoned it. It was a gift. And it was still mine. And everything else was less real. What could it mean? That picture of the world? But when it's true, we recognize it. In ourselves. In others. We recognize it…like love.

Completely undeserved…

I took a break after some time and put my book in my bag. I had on light jeans with a dingy shirt just barely tucked behind my belt buckle. I took a deep breath when I got to a water fountain underneath a stone altar. It was extremely hot out, so I decided to take a drink.

Not hoping to kiss Fleur. No. But I did think about her… I thought about tasting something refreshing, something needed…something I was parched for. That kiss was so much for me that night. I wish I didn't want it or need it…like this water.

This water that was the only thing in the way from keeping Fleur's tongue completely on my lips a second time…

I sputtered a bit and stood up, and found Fleur in a green outfit, a dress shirt and skirt, smiling at me like I was actually an old friend. Like she'd done nothing wrong. Her hair was just like how it was in that drawing she'd observed so many years ago…and it was still shining.

It was still blinding me to her faults and evils. Just like those perfect teeth in her mouth…

She laughed softly and looked me up and down momentarily before speaking in that voice that's haunted me in my dreams for so many years. But I couldn't deny that I liked it…

"You're drooling."

I put the back of my hand to my mouth and actually laughed while I watched her watch me. My breathing picked up as usual. I couldn't help it. I couldn't help anything anymore…and I hated it. But I still loved her…

"So… Hermione Granger. In New York."

"That's right."

"You know, I thought I saw you last winter around Christmas. I was driving down Fifth; it was mobbed."

"No, it wasn't me. I just got here."

"Well actually, now that I see you, this girl was… Bigger."

"She's bigger?"

"Fatter."

"Mhm…" And now we were just talking like old friends… and I couldn't stop smiling like an idiot.

"Yeah, and she had this…long hair."

"And you thought that was me?"

"_Well, _you know, I hadn't seen you in years." And whose fault is that…? But I couldn't find the will to tell her this.

"It _has _been a while…"

"And here we are."

We observed each other for a moment. The bell from a clock not too far off sounded, and I just remembered that we were under an altar. Inside an altar. Hmph. I humored myself in thinking that they were wedding bells. As if Fleur would ever get married. And to me..? Hell no.

"Mmm…well, I have to run," she said. I paused for a moment, not really registering that she was leaving so soon. She really did turn to leave. I couldn't stop what came out of my mouth.

"W-wait! Maybe we could…could…" She slowed down and turned to face me, at least…

"Listen, why don't you meet me tomorrow at the Burrow club around six? I'm meeting friends for drinks. If you're free, that is."

"Mmm…I'm free."

"I'm glad you're here."

There went the whip of her hair. And there she went. The so-called love of my life…shaking her finger 'no' at me with the swing of her hips. I shouldn't go. But I want to. I shouldn't. I want to. Shouldn't. Want. I'm just going to end up getting head over heels again…

I'm too strong for that. I'm not going.

* * *

"A long time ago, there lived two brilliant artists. _Geniuses. _True geniuses. And one day one of them was painting out in the forest…and he came upon this little dog who was crying and whining and obviously lost…"

"A puppy?"

"Yes."

And that was the conversation I heard while I walked through that fancy smancy club and over to Fleur's table… I approached her and sat down in the comfortable chair next to her. There was a tiny circular table in between the group of chairs, and two other men and a redheaded woman sat with her.

Fleur took my hand and leaned in to kiss me on the cheek. I did the same for her, even though I felt her lips burn me. Her friends, I'm guessing, looked at me curiously while the man in odd glasses with red hair was telling his story. His suit was nice, just like the other bespectacled man with messy black hair next to me. Fleur made a gesture to the red head and he tried to smile while he shook my hand. I shook the other man's hand, and the woman's while the red head kept on with his story.

Their humor was very dry, but I just tried to laugh like I got the joke. Fleur just pursed her lips and pretended to smile while she looked down. I'm not sure, but she looked like a bit of a harlot with her long green dress and crimson lipstick. I was hardly complaining while I got out my pack of cigarettes and offered her one. She took it graciously from the box and made a comment just as I made to take one out.

"This is your last one."

"Err…oh. It…it's fine, whatever."

She smiled at me while I crumpled up the box and pocketed it. I got out my lighter and lit her cigarette while she kept smiling. I felt my heart jumping in my throat, even after she sat up straight and started smoking.

"So…so you're from Florida, too?" the red head asked.

"Yeah."

"I'm surrounded! Everybody's from Florida!"

"_I'm _not from Florida!" the woman said. "I _hate _Florida. Too much sun."

"Really?" the other man said.

"Yes!"

"Really!"

"Actually," Fleur said slyly. I licked my lips and smiled at her. "Hermione was my childhood…what _were _you, exactly?" We kept smiling at each other and I felt my eyes glaze over…just being this close to her. "She was my, ah…first love…"

I smiled like an idiot again and tried not to sigh. The tousle-haired man and the woman were whispering with each other, but the red head looked oddly curious.

"If that's what you say…"

"She painted a portrait of me when I was ten years old. It was _so _beautiful."

She blew a bit of smoke in my face while the woman was rambling on about herself again, then offered me a smoke. I took the cigarette and kept smiling while an interesting idea popped into my mind.

"I'd like to paint you again."

"Would you?"

"I wanna paint your portrait…"

Smoke kept wafting between us while she looked at me intently, still smiling. I returned her gaze, wondering just how interesting it would be to draw her now that she's grown up. With curves. And more sex appeal.

"What do you think, sweetheart?" she said as she turned to face the red head. My smile was broken from my face again just like seven years ago when he looked at her, too. Sweetheart…

Goddamn you, Fleur…

"Uh, me? Hah…um…" They held hands and she started smiling sweetly at him. He guffawed some more and caressed her arm… "Um…gee." He looked at me in curiosity, but I just wanted to rip his eyes out of his sockets. "Do you charge by the inch or by the hour?"

Their friends started cracking up a little, and I didn't get why. It was the only thing that brought me back to earth while I kept from murdering him. I just really didn't understand why they were laughing…

"What?"

"How do you, how do you, how do you price your art? By, like, its size, like square footage? Or…by the time it takes to make? The art?" He started laughing, but probably only because his friends were, too. What a scary bastard, I swear.

"I've actually never sold a painting."

I really didn't want to be there anymore. Fleur just brought me here so that her friends could laugh at me. That damn bitch, I swear I'm so sick of this…

"You know what, Fleur…never mind. Forget the portrait. Just forget it."

This was stupid. Not only did I tell Fleur not to come over, thinking I was great, but I screwed up again. She came by anyway a few weeks later and asked me to meet her somewhere that afternoon. I had told her no, but she already knew that meant yes.

And she really was spot on while she stood there on that tiny bridge over the river, waiting for me. Of course I was in my best clothes, because I was a fool. I was a lovesick fool, thinking that I got her. She was going to apologize. She was going to tell me she's sorry for leading me on all these years…

"Don't fall."

She turned her head and, of course, whipped her dazzling hair over her shoulder. Her eyebrows were raised while she observed me with those gorgeous pools of hers for a moment. She got me, and she knew it. Fleur always purses her lips first before she tells herself to smile with her eyes whenever she tries to smile at me. And she did just that and relaxed her brows while she flirted with her head, her eyes, _and _her voice this time.

"Would you _save _me?"

"Not in _this _suit."

And of course she laughed softly while I walked over to her. She kissed me on my cheek and I did the same to her, trying to keep my voice light and expectant. I never knew what to think with her…

"How are you?"

"Pretty well."

"It's a good looking suit," she said while we started walking across the tiny incline on the bridge.

"It's a good looking day."

"It is."

"Have you seen New York Magazine?"

"Are you in it?"

"Oh… Yeah, it's just a…a little piece. You…you didn't see it?—"

"No."

"Ohh…"

I tried not to sound disappointed and kept on walking with her. We walked across more bridges, then started to make our way underneath one. We were immersed in darkness of the shade when we finally did stop to look each other in the eye.

"You know, Dorothy said she thinks the show's gonna get good reviews. I don't wanna jinx it, but what does she know, right?"

"Listen."

"What?"

I took a step closer to her so that our faces were about five inches apart. She had her arms folded across her chest, and I felt myself smiling while I shoved my hands in my pockets. Maybe I'd finally get an apology. A declaration. _Something._

"Ron asked me to marry him."

There was a very dead silence between us. I gaped at her, and even in this shade, I knew she could see the hurt in my eyes. I couldn't say anything. I was crushed again. I'd gotten my hopes up again, and she smashed them like the fucking bulldozer of a coquette she is…

"Ron wants to marry me."

I sighed discreetly and looked away from her for a moment. I got all dressed up just to hear her tell me this. I could _not _believe this…this…

Bitch wasn't even venomous enough to describe her. This…Fleur. That was insult enough.

"Really…"

"Yeah…"

And why the hell did she sound so sad about it? I swallowed and tried to keep my tears from stinging my eyes, but it was difficult. I know she could still see through these glasses. She'd only laugh if she saw me cry. No…no, I'm not… I refuse…

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because…" She bowed her head and shifted her weight slightly, and my heart had the nerve to feel sorry for her… "Um… I just… I…wanted to know if you had…anything to say."

I stared at her for a little while when she lifted her head back up. What did she want me to say? What the hell did she want me to say…? You broke my heart? AGAIN? Again and again and again after these fourteen long years…

"Congratulations," I said flatly. I shrugged a bit and took a small step back. "Sounds wonderful. I wish you both…the best of luck."

I gave her one last look before the tears hit me again, and I needed to walk away. I didn't want her to see my weakness. I didn't want her to see the tears cutting my face for _her, _wishing she could kiss my face, my lips once more. I didn't want her to think I still cared about that one night of passion I had because I could NOT move on. I couldn't find anyone else like Fleur. I couldn't, because she kept my attention so damn much all because she wanted me to chase her…

"I gotta go…I gotta…I gotta…"

"Oh, Hermione—"

"No, I just… I got some business…"

"Hermione, wait…"

Hermione…wait…? Fleur, I cannot believe you.

Tears can't keep waiting fourteen years to fall while you keep yanking them out of my eyes. My heart. My soul, even…

Why did she tell me? She told me to wound me. Or she told me out of habit. Or she told me to drive me _mad. _I didn't care. It was a clue, or it was a plea, or it was a tease, I didn't care. No. She told me so I would stop her.

And of course, I would…

* * *

I walked up the small flight of steps in the rain that night from my taxi. I was in my best suit for the party, where I knew she would be. I drove myself insane all day, crying and throwing a tantrum in my dirty hotel room. I sent dust flying everywhere and ended up damn near cleaning the place from how much I thrashed around. But if she knew, she'd just feel so damn good about herself…

The sound of the spinning doors in my ears pulsed like my dying heartbeats in my chest while I walked in the bright room. People were mingling and just doing whatever, and they were all there because of me. I was the one they were gathering for, but I really didn't care. People addressed me, but I was too busy ignoring them, looking around for that head of silvery blonde hair. Listening for her lilting laugh. Her soft voice. _Something…_

I don't know why I'd resigned myself to chasing after her. It's like I can't find anyone else because of Fleur. Just having _Fleur _in my MIND repels anyone else away from me. As if anyone would want to date a woman who wears men's clothing all the time…

But Fleur would. If only I could convince her to let me…

"Well you're fashionably late, darling," Dorothy said as she pulled me by the arm over to a group of people. I tried to get her to let go of me; I was busy.. "I have _hoards _of people to introduce you to. This is the Senator—"

"Not now, Dorothy…" I said as I brushed her off and kept on with my search.

"Hermione!"

She didn't follow me and I kept walking around, looking. Looking like I'd lost my mind and I needed to find it. But how could I find it if I had nothing to begin with? Why was I looking for Fleur if I had no knowledge whatsoever that she had a speck of love for me? Dust specks…maybe her love for me was just like dust specks…I don't know.

"Hermione! Hermione, there you are! So good to see you!"

Harry and Ginny made me walk with them while they chatted away about their stupid patron friends, but I didn't care. Couldn't they see that? I needed to find Fleur. I needed…her. I don't know why I keep doing this… I don't know why I'm breaking my own heart, trying to get to the top of the top and be rich so she'll accept me. Then when I'm finally rich, she leaves me high and dry like this…

"Harry, look, have you seen Fleur—"

"No. So anyway, he's desperately interested in getting some art…"

"Hermione, hey!" Ron was in the circle of people Harry and Ginny brought me to. I wanted to punch Ron, to be honest… "I've been meaning to call you. Congratulations on your success! My…my God, you're all over the place!"

"The woman with the hands," a taller black man said. "I saw your spread. Blaise Zabini," he said, extending his hand to me. I shook it and tried to keep looking around, but Fleur was bound to show up nearby if Ron was here.

"Be _extremely _nice to Blaise, Hermy. He has a lot of empty wall space."

"Well, I'm taking my time."

"Well, you should get to Hermione while her rates are still reasonable, right? How…how did we say you should, uh, price your art, again? Was it by uh canvas size, or ahh…?" Again, I was heaving and I wanted to punch him, but someone came along and punched all of my senses clear out of my body.

And it wouldn't be the first time she's done it…

"By its beauty."

Fleur leaned on Harry a bit and tilted her head at me when she said that. I was looking at her incredulously, trying to get my mouth to work. For once, she wasn't wearing green. She had on a long red dress with a collar that flowed down to her cleavage. Thin straps. Very…ornate. Like her house.

And that smile of hers…

Harry nodded and left while Ron moved to Fleur to kiss her on the cheek. That made my voice crack in my throat even more. She gave him his attention and started completely ignoring me.

"Hey, there you are!" Ron said.

"Yes, yes."

"Fleur…I have to talk to you—" It only felt like my voice was barely audible. It was deep, and I think I only heard it in my head…

"Come now, we're _ridiculously _late." Ron held her by the hand and started leading her away from me, and my heart felt weighed down…

"Fleur, I have… I have to talk to you—"

"But honey, we just got here!"

"Sweetie, _you _just got here! We're meeting the Barrow's for dinner at Kelly and Ping's _ten _minutes ago. Goodnight kids, have fun. Congratulations again, Hermione."

Fleur just looked at me with that smile of hers and left with him without another word. I grit my teeth and watched them go, wondering what the hell to do. I know I looked pissed off, but everyone just kept on with their fake ass chatter. They didn't care that my heart was creaking in my chest every time I heaved for breaths. They didn't care that I looked my best in a vain effort to seduce her. Again.

They didn't care about me. They just cared about standing here with me so they'd look important.

I started walking away when I saw Dorothy and that Senator man nearby, and Harry hurried after me. He was on about something, but I didn't care. I was too damn determined to catch Fleur. I wanted her arms around me, telling me she was sorry. She KNOWS I want her. Goddamnit…

I felt Harry put his arm around my shoulder a few steps away from the door, and I immediately cringed and pushed him off. I didn't care that he fell to the floor in surprise; he wasn't Fleur. Hell, even if he was Fleur, I'd push him anyway. I hated her but I loved her. I was obsessed. Addicted. Addicted to one night of pleasure seven years ago, and one childhood kiss seven years prior…

I pushed my way through the spinning doors, again hearing them mimic the sound of my heartbeats. Slow. Dying. Deliberate. But still going on with a purpose to make me hear. To make me aware of my surroundings.

To make me remember that I'm still alive, and I have something I want.

I went down the steps into the rainy night again, ignoring whoever asked if I want a taxi. My suit was getting drenched, and so was my hair, but I didn't care. I looked to my right; the restaurant was just a few blocks down from here. This was so expected of me. To go after her… but I didn't care. What if this would be the last time? Or was there really just a sick part of me that enjoyed chasing after her…?

My breaths were heavy. I narrowed my eyes against the rain while I took a few determined steps down the sidewalk in the direction of the restaurant. This probably wouldn't work. I don't know. But I had to try. I had to calm this ravaging beast in my heart that was crying and roaring and tearing me up inside because I was letting Fleur do the same thing to me, too…

I sped up a little while I thought back to that night seven years ago. How shaken up I was. A naïve seventeen-year-old, wanting another girl. A beautiful girl who finally let me touch her. Kiss her. I sped up more while I thought back to the sensations. The pleasure, the satisfaction, the arousal… I'd never felt that way in my life, and I'd only ever dreamed about it before that night…

I broke into a sprint while I passed that same telephone booth from so many weeks ago. I kept pounding my legs against the concrete because I wanted my Fleur, my Fleur, MY Fleur. Not Ron's, not Leonhart's – MY woman. She was mine. I didn't care about being shy anymore; I was done with the act. I was not going to stand here in front of this open door and not scurry through. I was not a mouse, too shy to speak up about what I wanted anymore. I wanted her. I needed her. I didn't care if she was going to break my heart; I had to have her.

Even if just for the moment, I HAD to have her. Tonight.

A taxi stopped in its tracks and nearly ran me over, and I stumbled slightly when it did and put my hands on the hood while I staggered onto the empty one way street instead of the sidewalk. My heart was screaming for rest, but I knew the better half of my heart was screaming for Fleur. My ears were screaming to hear her laugh, to hear her voice, to hear her moans and arousal. My hands were drenched and freezing, but I knew I wanted my Fleur to warm them up. Just a touch of her body. Her forbidden, forbidden body.

I will have her tonight. I will, I will, I _will… _No longer will I stand for this injustice of the heart. No longer will I not run after her even if she does tease me. I must have her. I will have her. She will be mine. I'm sick and tired of these games, just like my legs and lungs tire of running, but I want her so bad… I started to cry again because I want her that badly. I wanted her…

Even something so small as a genuine smile…a genuine kiss… Something that isn't a lead on or a tease or flirting… I wanted it. I know she has a sensible heart somewhere…

I know I love her…even though it's so easy to be blinded by my hatred of her… she needs me. I need her…

It's why I'm still running right now… it's why I keep running into this black hole. I'll never catch up to her, but she keeps sucking me in… and here I go, right into the vacuum in the center…

I just wonder where it'll spit me out when I wake up…


	57. Lithium

August 16th, 2009; Week 18

_**LVIII. **__Lithium_

_(Fleur's POV)_

I tasted metal in my mouth when I finally woke up that afternoon. Liquid…metal. I made a face and opened my mouth to keep my tongue from the ceiling of my mouth while I looked around.

Hermione and I were on the couch in the living room. She was facing away from me, lying closest to the wall. I stood up and faced away from her. I didn't have the heart to even look at her.

I was not me in my dream. I was Hermione. I saw everything through her eyes, felt everything she was feeling, heard all of her thoughts…

Literally seeing me break her heart over and over and over again was _not _what I was expecting when Kelly said 'security for the future'. I didn't care how or why everyone else suddenly showed up in our dream. I just felt insurmountable guilt for doing that to Hermione, even if it wasn't really me. No, really…I felt the remorse pull the tears out of my eyes that I couldn't hide. It heaved my heart down and slapped a coat of pain right over it. My knees gave way and I sat on the floor with my hand in my hair.

I cannot believe I did that. I cannot believe I would ever have the audacity to make Hermione cry like that. Teasing her over and over without any sign that I'd ever stop must have been maddening for her. Anyone else would be just so damn flattered to have my Hermione chase them like that. But I wasn't. I knew better. Why the fuck did Kelly give that to us? God…

"This is ridiculous!"

I slapped my hands over my mouth. That wasn't my voice, was it? I was the one that said it, though. I had put my tongue elsewhere in my mouth so I wouldn't taste the lithium or whatever it was. No…

"Th…thhhh… My accent is gone..? 'Ow… Mmm…I guess it's not _completely_ gone, then…"

I sighed and grabbed my phone on the coffee table and turned it on. Just after I ran a hand across my face and looked at the date, my heart pounded against me so hard it might have gone straight out of my chest; it was the day before my birthday, and it was five o'clock. I essentially had seven more hours… Well, _Hermione _had seven more hours…

Someone called just when my hand started trembling. I was still crying, but it was Gabrielle. I couldn't do this alone. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing… I pressed Talk without a second thought and put the phone to my ear.

"Fleur! Zere you are—wait. Alors, why are you crying? It's 'Ermione, isn't it? Don't talk, just bring 'er over 'er parents' 'ouse, okay? I'll get everyone else. Bring 'er now."

I hung up and pocketed my phone. I really just wanted to crawl up and keep crying. Time flew by so fast and came back to slap me so soon. She's going to remember that dream and hate me for it… She's going to remember a Fleur that wasn't me and spite me and detest me for something I had no control over…

Kelly and I must have vastly different ideas of what 'security' means, because all of this is nothing less than unsettling to me…

* * *

I had Hermione in my arms while I walked down the suburb to her old home in the light of the sunset. I couldn't even hear my footsteps because my temples were thumping so loudly. I had her head on my chest, and it took everything I had to not trip and fall because of how sluggish my feet and legs felt. I was still crying, I was still feeling guilty, and I will never ever spite someone for crying ever again. I had my lips pressed on the top of her warm head, trying to muffle the sounds of my sobs..

If anyone were to peek out and look at us now, they'd think that I was carrying a dead woman. They'd only think that she was my friend. They wouldn't take the time to look at our wedding rings, to look at _how _I was crying and how _hard _I was crying to figure out that this is my wife. They wouldn't assume that the slight swell of her stomach was caused by me.

Who am I to even assume anything about me anymore? I was still wearing the same thing I wore at the dinner where my entire life spun upside down. These damn black slacks and green dress shirt. Why did we always wear green in our dream? Why did Squall and Draco and Antoinette always wear green? We were the only ones; everyone else always wore black. Like they weren't important. Negligible. But green is the color of envy. Lust, and desire, perhaps…

I turned to the pathway that led to her home while I forced myself to breathe. Goddamnit, this is the same day she proposed to me exactly one year ago… that really didn't help matters as I forced myself up the small flight of stairs..

Before I even had to force myself to ring the doorbell, the door flew open and Diana ushered me inside. I didn't want anyone to see me like this, but I couldn't help it. The walk to the living room was complete murder. That was where we had our final argument. That was where I nearly bled to death for her…

And now here sat our friends and parents. As soon as I walked in, everyone stopped talking. Their tones were somber before, but now I wished they'd just keep talking despite the depression. Hearing my crying ringing in their ears too was not comforting…

I sat on the far end of the couch and didn't dare let Hermione move an inch. I kept my lips pressed hard against her warm roots. I stared at the floor just next to Squall's feet. I couldn't even find the energy to laugh at how he was a cross-dresser in my dream, or to scream at him for raising 'me' to be so cruel. I couldn't find the energy to yell at Antoinette next to him for abandoning Hermione. I couldn't find the strength to thank Draco next to her for raising Hermione; for taking care of her.

Harry, the twins, my sister, my parents, Hermione's parents, and the Weasleys were all here as well. I didn't know if they were just going to sit here for seven hours and watch me cry. I didn't know if they were going to stay up with me until Hermione wakes to watch her throw fire at me. But my tears were blinding me to something else; something I should have noticed ages ago.

They weren't all just sitting in the room. Draco was actually sitting on the floor in my line of sight, crying. One of the strongest men I knew was actually crying. Squall was, too. Gabrielle was in Antoinette's arms, and they were both watching me. My sister was sniffling. Harry and Ron were crying a little in each others' arms. Ginny was close to tears; her brothers and looked like they were holding back sobs as well. Molly was downright sobbing on Arthur's shoulder, and he was crying a little, too… My parents…they were close to crying. And I _know _why my mother was struggling…

So they all knew what might happen. They all knew. Amnesia is a bitch, I suppose… I was just blown away that they were all here, feeling nearly as depressed as I was. I was not the only one who loved her so. I was not the only one who would be affected by this. I was torn between hating myself for doing this to her…or embracing it because it brought us closer, even if for just under two years. But I said I wouldn't give up on her…

Of course, the twins were stoic as ever, but not in a mocking way. They were kind of leaning on each other, watching Hermione with careful eyes. But Hermione's parents…they were a different story.

They weren't crying. They looked like they were thinking hard, but they weren't angry. I just couldn't fathom how they weren't crying, but nearly everyone else was… I calmed down for the moment and took a deep breath just as Kenneth made eye contact with me. He and Diana got up and sat next to me while everyone else seemed to be calming down.

"Fleur…?"

"Kenneth."

"Huh?"

Everyone stopped and looked at me in surprise. I almost blushed from the attention, but then I remembered that about half of my accent was gone. I still spoke with liaisons in between words that called for them, and my R's still weren't up to par. But it was a start, I guess…

"I said 'Kenneth'. About 'alf of my accent is gone."

"How…?"

"I really can't explain it…I don't know."

"Alright…but let me get something out of the way… My daughter…tell me she's…"

"She is pregnant."

Kenneth wanted to smile, I could tell. Diana smiled. I could not. Would not. I refused to smile.

"That's wonderful news, dear," Diana said. Only she could be cheerful at a time like this, even if it was slight… "How many weeks?"

"Eighteen, since we've been asleep for fifteen weeks…"

"And your, ah, Healer person gave you the dream?"

"Yes she did. We 'ad some last year, and they brought us closer immensely. But now everything seems just the opposite…"

"I wouldn't say that, honey."

"Why not?"

"It was just a dream. I know what may happen to her soon…but please, listen to me when I say you shouldn't worry. I know she isn't awake, but she can still feel you around her. You need to be giving her your support, even if she isn't awake to see it. That's why Gabrielle had everyone come here…"

"But Diana…my mother said I can't be around 'Ermione once 'er year is up."

"What? Apolline, you didn't explain that part! Fleur can't just abandon her! What about the baby?"

"I know, Diana, I know… Fleur can't be a proper father if she has to leave Hermione, I know… but Hermione is going to need her space. I don't know how or which memories will leave her. It may just be her love for Fleur that she'll forget, or just everything in general. But I'm honestly more astounded that she hasn't tried to kill Fleur at all this whole year."

"Just why would she do that?"

"Inherent defense system against harm, you could say… or the source of her imbalance, really."

"And there isn't a damn thing we can do about this?" Kenneth asked loudly.

"All we can do is wait…"

"No! You're sitting here, telling me that my daughter is going to be eaten alive because of her disease? The last time we spoke about it, she said she was fine!"

"Just be lucky she isn't _dead _now, Kenneth. Fleur isn't the only one who's had to go through this… I know the frustration and the pain and the confusion. I essentially watched…her die in my arms because neither of us wanted to let go. Possible years of needed separation was worse than death. Fleur and I, and even Gabrielle, cannot control this aspect of our heritage. Beauty and power comes at a large toll.

"But you know what…? If it's one thing I'll never forget she told me…you never know what you have until it's gone… but if you love it enough, it will come back to you. I didn't love her with all of my heart, because I have moved on. A part of me felt immense guilt for having to infect her to keep her bound to me. So I moved on, and now look what my daughter has to go through, even though I spent her whole life trying to scare her away from it. That says a lot about how much she and Hermione love each other…

"Fleur, listen to me when I say I have never seen a happier person than Hermione in my entire life. I know you still have your doubts and insecurities, and I don't blame you. But Hermione does not doubt you; she does not blame you. I hope you keep that in mind tonight, and think of a way to help her… I know you can."

I gaped at my mother while she and my father got up and left. Diana finally broke down; she had no idea… No one in this room except for Gabrielle, Hermione and I knew what my mother had to go through. I held Hermione tight and kept my face on her hair while I looked off to the side. I wanted to cry again, but everyone was looking at me.

And just how the hell am I supposed to help her if she doesn't wake up? I really don't know. I almost wished that she and I were alone. Being surrounded by everyone was stifling.

I just closed my eyes and eventually drifted back to sleep. Crying so much had sapped my energy, and I wasn't up for doing anything else. I felt fine as long as she was in my arms. I wasn't nearly as scared as long as she was with me and breathing just fine. Regardless if she hates me or not…I cannot let her be. I can't abandon her, or let her abandon me. Not now.

Not when she isn't the only one who means everything to me. It's her and one more now… I just wished she'd wake up soon so we can go back to the hospital and get her taken care of… This chain of unexpected events bombarding me hasn't shoved me to the ground as a crying shame like they normally would have. I'm…stronger than that, just like she said I am.

I suppose even if the 'me' in our dream was a complete bitch, I'll give her credit for not faltering even once. Is it even possible to admire myself? That seems so shallow of me. But I do.

Maybe that's what Kelly meant for me to see.

* * *

When I woke up again, only Draco was in the room with me. It must have been late; it was really dark. He was in the same spot on the floor, trying not to cry… I blinked away tears while I shifted a little to tell him I was awake. He looked up at me solemnly and pointed to the TV. It was off, though.

"Squall put it in."

"The projector?"

"Yeah."

"Draco…are you only crying because of 'Ermione?"

"No."

"What's wrong…?"

"Don't worry about it. Just put your arm around her and help her. You don't have much time."

"Draco—"

"Fleur it's five minutes to midnight. Do it now."

I kept myself from crying out that I didn't know _what _to do. There was only so much I could do. Or what could I do? I didn't know. I never knew anything. Five more minutes until…her possible demise. I don't know. I just wanted to cry; I felt helpless… I felt stupid and wrong and undeserving of everything, all because of…this… This stupid disease. This stupid metal taste that won't leave my mouth because I feel guilty…

"Fleur, don't make me repeat myself. Go help her. Don't ask me or yourself or anyone just _how _it's possible to help her. But when you do see her…tell her I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to her. Just trust me on this. I don't want to hear another word from you; close your eyes and help her now. I'll be here."

My sigh trembled as much as my hand while I moved it to her shoulder. I kept my other arm cradling her head and closed my eyes. I didn't think I'd have to use Squall's little invention again…especially not for _this…_

But no matter how much I just wanted to cry, I kept them from my head. I kept my doubts and fears from my heart. She'd smell them like blood on the wall, seeing them write out that I didn't truly trust her and love her with everything I had.

So…here's to hoping I take this surprise in stride and we both come back out of this loving each other that much more.


	58. Lunatic Pandora

Midnight; August 17th

_**LIX. **__Lunatic Pandora_

_(Hermione's POV)_

Water doused and bit at my eyes like a burning, thick, sweet and sour venom. It mimicked the veins on my bloodshot eyes and melted into them to wash the red away. But it only yanked in more and more gallons of emotions into my every pore and nerve and sense. Emotions that I'd never felt before, some that weren't even possible to be mine; I felt them and more while I stood in this room. This room that was nothing but an endless expanse of white and that was all.

I looked down at myself and smoothed a hand down my stomach like I'd done so many months ago when I picked out my wedding dress. The black diamonds on my finger stood out so much against the pool of white surrounding me. I felt arrows shoot at my head and land on me, but they weren't really there. I felt myself slide to the ground to lazily dodge the invisible onslaught. I slid against thin air. Thin air that kept growing thinner still around me when I realized how hard it was to sit like this because of my stomach…

_I can't believe it's over  
I watched the 'ole thing fall…  
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall…  
If I only knew…_

Thunder boomed and lightning cracked; I was back in our dark bedroom that night of the storm. The Lucifer storm that I forced on her. The manipulation and the addiction and crave and need and absolute WANT to be loved sent me here again. I was sitting on a marble counter. The bar. But I was still in the bedroom.

I was a voyeur to my own pleasure.

Tears kept pooling over because I kept reaching out to taste what was mine so many nights ago. I stiffened from the neck up and craned my head slowly from side to side, still trying to clasp it in my hands. My mouth… _inside _of me. Lightning kept cracking and making me flinch. A mist kept surrounding me and filling me and ridding me of the feel of the marble underneath me.

_The days were slipping past  
that the good things never last  
that you were…crying_

My body crawled towards the act on thin air. Again I felt the sheets. The stained sheets as I watched. I felt the penetration, but not so much as the thin air I thought I was feeling. It was still on me. Or was it a pair of hands? I don't know. I felt this image in front of me threaten to boil and evaporate away, but my longing kept it tangible. My sensations and sounds and recollections kept it in front of me.

_Summer turned to winter  
and the snow it turned to rain  
and the rain turned into tears upon your face  
I 'ardly recognized the woman you are today  
And God I 'ope it's not too late…_

I don't know how long I sat watching, but a jolt of lightning seemed to stab me in my head out of nowhere. I shut my eyes in pain with my hand still out, the mirage before me dissolving quickly. But…I didn't want it to go. I didn't want it to leave me. It felt too good to let slip from my mind. My body was telling me it was wrong, but my heart kept saying no over and over and over again. I was scared that they'd end up ripping my memory apart just from this tug-of-war.

I laid my face on the bed and felt that tug-of-war with everything. Back and forth and I'm still trying to hold on. They kept ripping tears from my eyes and wracking me with spasms and I don't know why… But I looked up at the image before me, and saw Fleur kiss me. She was kissing me.

_It's not too late…_

My drenched eyes roamed our bodies before me and felt the heat of our creation. I felt it surround my heart but more tears kept coming. I shut my eyes again to pray that the pulling would stop. I wanted…someone…to help me. It hasn't even been that long and my tears keep blinding me to any possibility of wining this losing battle. Breaths kept making jagged edges against my throat on their way in and out and I felt everything crashing up and back down again instead of just pushing and pulling…

"'Ermione…'Ermione, open your eyes."

That voice…

"Fleur…?"

"Yes, it's me. Open your eyes, love."

It was weird…I was expecting my body to not want to even hear her voice, but she just made everything easier for me. My tears slowed down, but they didn't stop. I slowly opened my eyes and I was back in that white void, with Fleur kneeling down in front of me. My hand that was held out was clasped in hers, and she was smiling at me.

Just thinking of her smile being the first thing I see when I wake up made me remember how…how sweet she was that day when she enchanted the ceiling and walls. I let her help me into a sitting position, and she held me close. Her heartbeats sounded so fast, though. I couldn't stop crying, and I couldn't help trembling in her arms. I should have, though…I felt her almost trembling. But I literally heard her voice just now…not her thoughts.

"Yes, Squall made some adjustments. I can speak to you now, and you can speak to me. You'll remember this."

I couldn't get my voice to work. But…wait. 'This'?

"Mmm, yes, _this. _But I still cannot say your name correctly. I'm sorry. And… it's been a year; that's why you're feeling confused and lost right now. But I saw you struggling against it… I _felt _you fighting for us, not just you. And not just me, either. You're not aware of all of your thoughts, but I saw that glint of hope that you have for our child. And what better motivation for that than to watch what started it all…?"

"It hurts…"

"I'm so sorry…all I can do is sit here and try to ward everything."

"Ward…? Ward how..?"

I shut my eyes for a second and opened them…and I saw. The void changed to a crimson color. Vapors started swirling around us, but they wouldn't touch me. But I saw bits of odd visions. Fleur glaring at me, or her hitting me, yelling at me…false memories that were probably supposed to undertake me. They didn't, couldn't, wouldn't, because Fleur was here with me. My heart felt like it was in overload trying to keep my love for her flowing through me, and I couldn't stop crying…

I buried my face in her chest and shut my eyes again. I felt her hand stroke my hair, and her other hand smoothed over my stomach. But I still felt my world collapse on top of itself, even with her strong arms around me. There was a burning line inside of me, and it blazed right down the center. It kept threatening to tear me apart, but I had to believe that Fleur's affection was keeping me whole. It was so hard…

"'Ermione, I feel it too. I know it 'urts. I know it's 'ard. I know…but remember when we lit our candles? You and I are one. I don't care if my mind feels like it's going to tear in two. You'll be just fine. I'll do anything I can for you now, for as long as it takes. I'll fight for you, I'll protect you. You're safe."

"You…you were singing to me…"

"I was."

"Did I ever tell you that you sing beautifully?"

"You never told me to shut up, so I'm pretty sure I do."

We both laughed a little, and the pain seemed to leave me. My mind seemed to be calm as long as her arms were around me, and mine were around her. I wasn't sure why I couldn't just wake up to stop this pain, but I felt serene regardless of the ripping that I still felt.

I thought back to my childhood, just to make sure I could still remember it. Hogwarts was the first thing that popped into my mind. Hmph…Malfoy.

"'Ermione…Draco wanted me to tell you 'e is sorry for everything 'e 'as ever done to you. 'E and everyone else were crying over you today, you know."

"Really…?"

"Yes. They're worried. I feel guilty for being the cause of their worry, but I'm 'ere now to fix it."

"But…why can't I just wake up now?"

"I'd like to think that there is still a part of you that feels scared and alone. Could you be safe in my arms and scared at the same time?"

As soon as she said that, I started crying again. I wasn't scared of her, no… I remembered back to how nervous I was after that night. I just had this tremendous hunch that I really was pregnant. I thought she'd be angry at me for not telling her, or for practically forcing her to get me pregnant in the first place. We never really sat down and talked about having kids.

I mean, I'm fine about it. I'm perfectly secure with the idea of being a mother. But Fleur…I think the reason I kept it from her was because I had a hunch that she wasn't ready to be a father. I mean, we're both still dealing with issues of our own. And to bring a child into our lives when one of us might not even be completely ready…that would obviously be detrimental to all three of us.

Everything just kept swirling around me; the guilt, the insecurities, more guilt…I couldn't help blurting out what I did during dinner. But now that I'm sitting here, thinking about it all again, I'm starting to wonder if I'll screw up. What if I do something wrong? What if I can't do anything right to begin with? Wouldn't Fleur help me? But I should be able to do things on my own, too. She can't do everything…

Now I feel stupid for forcing this on her. I feel stupid that I don't know what to do. Everything is blowing out of proportion, and now I don't even feel worthy of sitting in her arms right now. It was like her arms became invisible, but I still tried to tell myself that they were around me. False sense of security…

All of my other mistakes stabbed me while I kept wailing against Fleur's chest. Being with Ron, never standing up for myself when I was younger, never taking the time to just…be a kid, and, above all, hurting Fleur as many times as I have. What does she even see in me, anyway? Why am I still in her arms? And why isn't she helping me?

She's gone, isn't she? I was crying too hard to even open my eyes. But I was shuddering still, and I felt something keeping me in place. I don't know. I wish she would let go of me. I wish she'd get her…filthy…no. No, NO! Not filthy arms…beautiful, strong, detestable…?

I can't do this… I just feel so…

Alone…

_You are not alone…  
I'll always be 'ere with you  
and we'll be lost together  
until the light comes pouring through_

There is no light, Fleur…no matter how angelic you sound, there is no getting out of this. You're going to die here with me. You're going to go mad just like I am right now. I can't do this. I can't, I can't, I CAN'T! Why can't you understand that? Why are you always weak when I'm strong and strong when I'm just…downright broken! You always have the upper hand, you always have everything just because…

Because…

"Because I 'ave your 'and in marriage, 'Ermione. Don't forget what we told each other. I'm not going anywhere."

"_You are the first and only person who's loved me, understood me, and tolerated me more and better than even I could have."_

I bit her shirt and wailed even more, and she started rocking us back and forth… Funny how we'd always baby each other, and now look what we have on the way… No. I…I don't know how I just felt completely at ease moments ago, and now I'm crying every ounce of water from my body.

But she said she and I will be lost _together… _What if we're always lost? What if we never get out of here? Why can't I even think of the possibility of getting out now? Why, why, why…

_When you feel like you're done  
and the darkness 'as won  
Love, you're not lost…  
When your world is crashing down  
and you can't bear the thought  
I said, love, you're not lost…_

Yes I am…why can't you believe me? Why do you keep shoving these lies down my bleeding throat? Why are you so fucking perfect and beautiful and strong while I'm just an ugly crying shame in your arms? Why are you always above me? WHY, Fleur… Why?

"_I'll promise you I'll take care of you, 'Ermione. I know zat sounds so generic, but I _know _what you need. Zings may change over time…but I assure you I'll always know what's best for you."_

You…_are _taking care of me. You do know…what I need. But I still feel my every thought threaten to slip away from me. It's like trying to hold water in my hands…but I think your patience is the only thing that's keeping the drips from leaving me.

Why am I so confused right now…? I wish I could do something on my own for once. I always need you with me, Fleur. I can't do anything without you. I'd probably have forgotten everything by now if you weren't here to help me. I almost…hate you.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you for putting me through this. But I… I love you. I don't hate you, no. I'm so sorry! I don't hate you. No…yes. What?

I am dependent and needy and addicted to you…I don't care. I don't mind. That's my right. You love me just as much, don't you? I'm sorry… I'm sorry I can't figure things out on my own for once…

"_You know quite well what it is I am saying. Why should you of all people need clarification?"_

"_I've changed my whole damn life for that bitch and she doesn't even care. I know myself am changing, but I can't do a damn thing about it. The less Fleur cares, the more I change. The more I change, the less Fleur cares. Do you see a pattern going on?"_

"_I hate her! I hate her, I hate her, I HATE HER! I hate how she makes me feel, I hate what she doesn't make me feel, I hate the way she looks at me and the way she doesn't look at me—"_

"_Goddamnit, Fleur! You _know _I want you and you _know _it's killing me! Why are you doing this to me?"_

"_You call me stupid every time you zink I fall for your little plans. I 'ave dated plenty of men; I do believe I can tell when someone is lying to me. Verbally or ozzerwise. Do. Not. Underestimate me."_

"_Who the hell am I? My cat DIED a few months ago and I didn't care! I pissed Harry and Ron off with my secret crush on Fleur and I didn't care! AND I almost made Fleur cry on my damn birthday, and I TOOK ADVANTAGE OF HER because__** I DIDN'T CARE!**__" _

"_I don't need you."_

"_Zat I CARE about you? Care, share, tear, snare, 'Ermione – it's all ze same wiz you and I."_

"'_Ermione…I 'ate you. So…much. You're convinced now…zat I'm bleeding my…apologies for you… But any…ozzer time…you wouldn't be convinced. You selfish bitch…"_

"_You weren't expecting me to walk you to your door, were you?"_

"_Of course not!"_

Her laughter from that night nearly two years ago reverberated menacingly in my mind. Everything we ever said to each other…every hurtful thing kept attacking me. But I can't believe it. No…

It's like everything's spiraling around me and sending me into a cataract of befuddlement with no hope of escape. But I still remember everything. I don't feel any less than I was before, but I'm just so…

_Life can show no mercy  
it can tear your soul apart  
it can make you feel like you've gone crazy  
but you're not_

I am… I'm insane, you're insane, we're all insane, Fleur! But…no, that was just the dream me from last year. I can't let anything I said about you get to me. I can't do that. No. I refuse. Not with your arms around me…especially not after I remember you almost killed yourself because I wasn't breathing. You married me, you're the father of our child, you _have _changed… I'm not letting any of that get to me…

But why can't I stop crying? It's like you're not here, but I _want _you to be here… I need you, I need you, I NEED you…_so _much closer.

_Though things 'ave seemed to change  
There's one thing that's still the same  
in my 'eart you 'ave remained  
and we can fly, fly, fly away…_

I'm sorry I doubted you. I'm sorry I can't stop crying. I'm sorry I can't wake up, but the pain just won't stop. Fleur please, make me wake up. Hit me, yell at me, laugh at me, scare me, leave me…something. I can't wake up. I'm trapped in this dream and I can't…I can't get out.

I know you're here. I know you're helping me. But I'm still scared. I don't ever want to go to sleep again. I don't want to have nightmares about hating you. I don't want to do anything unless you're right by my side, giving me your love, making me feel so warm inside that it drives me mad with pleasure.

Fly away with me now, please…I don't know how to wake up. Wait…hey! Why are you laughing?

"Wake up, 'Ermione."

"I'm awake…"

"Mhm, now open your eyes."

* * *

And just like that…I woke up. Why were we in my parents' living room? And why was Draco asleep on the floor? I could barely see him; it was so dark. How the hell did I manage to wake up? My face and Fleur's shirt were soaked. I wiped my nose and sniffled a little, and she had her head craned back on the couch. She was sleeping peacefully. But wasn't she just…

I hiccupped while I was trying to figure out if this was just a dream, but then I looked down at Draco again. Fleur said he wanted to apologize for everything he's ever done to me. I guess…he never really did say sorry for how he treated me back when we were kids. I reached in Fleur's pocket and got out her wand to conjure a blanket for him, then smiled at him one last time before resting my head on Fleur's chest again.

She saved me again…in every sense of the words. Here I was, scheduled to forget everything, and she did so much more for me than I ever could have… I really need to thank her properly. But thanking her can't even compare to what she deserves.

"Fleur…I'll repay you… Somehow. And that's a promise…"

I think I have another favorite song now, too…


	59. Liar, Liar, Hands on Fire

_**LXI. **__Liar, Liar, Hands on Fire_

_(Fleur's POV)_

_Tuesday, December 15__th__, 2009_

_Things have been very hectic over the past four months or so. _

_To start with, way back in August, Hermione had the strangest dream that she killed me because I gave her a papercut. Ever since then, she's been nearly out of control, and not just in her dreams. It's like her body wants to keep getting rid of me, but her mind and heart and soul won't allow it. I don't know whether to be flattered or scared, really…_

_And now here we are, on our ship sailing through the English Channel. She asked me to bring her here for some reason or another. She's been fine lately, and now she's asleep on our bed by the fire below deck. I'm at the desk nearby, because it's not wise for me to be near her._

_I haven't cried since the day before my birthday. I haven't complained, I haven't raised my voice at her, and I haven't put my hands on her. Hermione has complained, Hermione has screamed at me, and Hermione has hit me several times. And not just gentle hitting. No. I could write it off to her hormones, but I __know__ that she's struggling with something right now. She's torn in two, and it's taking everything I have and far beyond that to stay calm. _

_Countless times have I had to hold her sobbing body in my arms once she realized what she was doing to me. But I've been diligently taking her to St. Mills for her appointments, I've been feeding her, I've been taking care of her. She snaps at me a lot and she is always changing her mind and wanting different things. But I think because her mood swings are so strong, that's why she hasn't had any other symptoms. Not once has she had morning sickness, her body is not swollen, and she has not gained any weight aside from the obvious fact that her stomach has grown. Kelly said it's going to be a boy. I didn't say anything when she told us, but Hermione was pleased._

_As far as names are concerned…we have no idea. She's not due for another three weeks, but I think she may end up killing me before that time comes. Harry and Ron haven't seemed to notice that I'm a little off since they're now happily married. Gabby and Antoinette are kind of off in their own little world. The twins…oh, they've noticed. I've been talking to them a lot more lately, and just seeing how composed they are, even when they do their best to console me…it's the only thing that's kept me from breaking down._

_Squall and Draco are having issues. I think Draco is still having homophobic issues of his own. Squall has sort of moved in with Hermione and I since Gabrielle is always at Antoinette's house. He's been very stoic lately, and he knows that Hermione is sort of…well, abusing me. I asked that he not intervene. _

_He gave me a very interesting necklace today, for good luck. It's a metal chain with a lion-like pendant and a strange cross-thing at the bottom. The lion is called 'Griever', I think he said. I've already been clasping it out of habit lately. I've tried listening to music to tune the world out, and that same couch in our living room has turned into my sanctuary. _

_I put up with her because I know it's not really her that's creating her mood swings. Covering up the bruises is not all that difficult. But it seems that the most invisible ones are those that I can't seem to hide, not even from myself. Squall and the twins have noticed them. The four of us have been extremely close, and I don't know what Harry and Ron do when I ask them to keep Hermione company. They haven't expressed any concern to me whatsoever, and I don't think Hermione is even aware of what she's doing to me. And that more than anything is what keeps breaking me and keeping me sewn together at the same time._

_The obvious thing that breaks me is how hard she hits me. But it's because it's not really her hitting me that I deal with it. There are times when she's completely calm, romantic, and just…not violent. But the times that she is not… I don't even want to get into it. I know I'm not supposed to be near her right now, and that's why she's acting this way. But I can't abandon her…not now, not ever. And then I think back to my mother's situation and I just feel like complete shit. I don't know what to do. She obviously still has my thrall in her blood. I think I saw her sprouting feathers the other day…_

_I don't know, I don't know, I don't know… I don't, I don't, I just…love her too much. I feel like I'm done, and perhaps the darkness __has__ won, but the light of love is too strong. She will snap out of it soon. Eventually. Maybe even sooner than I think… _

_Hopefully it'll happen before she ends up killing me or something._

* * *

I was sitting at the edge of the pool with my legs in the water, staring at my reflection. I don't think I see who I really am whenever I see myself. It's like…I don't know. Maybe I'm wearing a mask to fool everyone that I'm fine. But I can't fool myself, and I know it. Maybe I'm just acting. Maybe I've driven myself into delirium just for Hermione's sake.

I don't think this reflection shows who I am inside. I have to hide my heart and what I believe in right now. I don't appreciate the abuse. But I can't _do _anything except let her be. I'm afraid to push her away if I tell her what's on my mind. I don't put my heart out there for her anymore because she's just going to end up breaking it. But you know what? I deal with it because I still love her. I never thought I'd ever be in this position in life, but it doesn't matter.

It's just so upsetting that I don't know the person in staring back at me in this water. I always have to conceal what I need and how I feel. It's a secret I'm forced to hide day after day, night after night, and I'm pretending that I'm someone else right now. I'm not the stoic person I see right now. I'm breaking and trying so very hard to keep myself together at the same time. But regardless if I leave Hermione or not, I'm going to be miserable. I'm going to be upset and regretful that I did or did not move on. I can't do anything without her right next to me, even if she is screaming her lungs out and hitting at every inch of my body. I can't speak up about it, I can't be angry…hell, I'm not angry at her. I'm just…so confused. She's fighting it. I know she is. She loves me. But whenever she's losing, she lets it out on me instead of just talking to me about it…

I remember one night when Squall came back from work, he found me on the couch and I was just black and blue all over. I almost cried, then. But I don't let him touch me. I don't let him try to talk to me. I don't let him within ten feet of Hermione. He's sort of taken over Eyevine for me, just for the time being. I don't think I can ever work in that place again. My motivation to do anything else besides try my hardest to take care of Hermione is null and void. I'm obsessed with her. I can't be weak and sob in her arms, because I don't want her to snap and suddenly whip me for crying.

I'm…depressed. I never thought I'd ever feel this way again, but I'm depressed. All of those times of declaring so romantically to Hermione that I'd fight for her, I'd win her back, I'd be her man until the end… It's hard to keep from thinking that it's all just a bunch of bullshit. I write and write everything and anything I think or feel or can't explain in my journal. I've seen her writing. I don't dare invade her privacy by reading what she's written. I know she doesn't read mine, because she would have probably written me a note. Or _tried _to speak calmly to me about it. I don't know…

Diana and Kenneth are quite aware of my problem. But there's not a thing they can do about it but hold my limp self whenever I visit them to just talk. I'm too drained to cry. They've promised that the family will stay together for the baby's sake, even if it's something as small as meeting for Christmas at the Burrow every year. I want our son to grow up with an actual family. I never had that.

But I don't want him to grow up with an abusive mother. I had all of that and more. And as much as it pains me to say this…

I can't let us stay with Hermione if she doesn't calm down soon.

"What are you doing in here by yourself?"

"Just thinking."

"Fleur…"

"'Ermione."

She sat down right next to me and let her legs dangle in the water. I stopped fearing her presence ages ago. But I could hear the placid tone in her voice. She and I weren't wearing much except for short shorts and a white tank top. But she had our wands in her hand for some reason.

I sighed and tried to keep my confusion away. Hermione could see past me so easily, and I didn't want to worry her. I know she's confused with herself, too. I know she's fighting with demons that I can't help with. But I _should _be able to…

There's just the problem of her mood shifts. And I'll be damned if they just stopped all of a sudden simply because we had one little talk. It's pointless…

"I had another nightmare."

"What was it about?"

"…I kept trying to reach out to you. But you wouldn't…come anywhere near me. Then I got annoyed and started crying. You just sort of…shook your head and…kept walking. I don't know why I have the feeling that it's trying to tell me something else."

"I wouldn't worry yourself over it, love."

"Fleur…why do you look so sad? You sound so hollow. I've noticed it ever since I had that first dream about killing you. I just…have this feeling that I'm not awake half the time when my eyes are open. And when I'm not, something happens to you that I can't control."

"Living is easy with eyes closed, isn't it."

"So there is something…Fleur please tell me. I'm scaring myself. _You're _scaring me. It's been months since I haven't had this pang in my heart whenever I sort of snap out of everything. Squall's been distant, and now you are. You know I love you. I can't do anything right without you, you know that. And now I have this feeling that you keep walking away from me… it's like I keep spiraling into my own web of confusion all because of my fears."

"You want to know? Do you really, really want to know?"

"I know it's killing you so…yes. Please."

"You abuse me in your 'sleep'."

"What do I say to you—"

"You _abuse _me. It's not just what you say. It's what you do. You've slapped me and punched me and shoved me so many times that I've lost count at least a thousand times over. But I can't say anything. I can't do anything. It's not _you _who's doing it, so what _can _I do? You're not even supposed to be around me right now; that's why you keep killing me with your words and your 'ands.

"You call me out of my name and tell me I'm worthless. You write and scream in your sleep, and every time I try to help you, you just punch some part of me. But I stopped 'esitating to always be there for you. I stopped fearing you. I love you too much to do anything else _but _adore you, even if 'alf of you treats me like shit."

I looked at her and nearly felt my face fly clear off my head; she was crying. But she wasn't trying to lean on me for support. She had her wand in her hand, gripping her head with both of her hands. She was writhing and convulsing again, and her eyes looked like they were red. If I didn't know any better, I probably heard _her _heart thumping madly in her chest, not my own…

I snatched my wand from her and scrambled away just as she slammed her hands down and somehow made water splash everywhere. I hurried to the opposite end of the pool to face her, not knowing what the hell I was doing, but I just knew that I needed to do _something…_

"'Ermione! 'Ermione calm down! I know you're hurting and confused and lost right now! But I told you I love you! Do you 'ear me?"

She was trying to fight it; I could just feel it. She stood up, but she just would not stop clutching her head… her body kept bending over and backwards and twisting and turning while she stood so many feet away from me, but I didn't feel scared. She's lost right now and I'm perfectly alright with being lost with her.

Besides, I remembered my promise to not be scared in the face of uncertainty ever again, and I'm not breaking it any time soon…

"'Ermione Delacour, do you 'ear me? I love you!"

Hermione stood up straight and made eye contact with me. I felt my heart warm up a little when she smiled a little and nodded, but the warmth was ripped clear from my body when she started struggling and writhing again.

The worst part was that she was slowly starting to point her wand at me… and I've heard stories about her dueling skills…

Her body suddenly froze. I kept a straight face and stood in profile with my wand pointing at her. She mimicked me. I don't know why I'd decided to go along with this, but I didn't want any part of her to think that I was afraid of this. I'm fighting for her now, even though I still couldn't believe it. She was fighting with herself to let me win. She was trying so hard to keep going, but I know she's exhausted…

Her eyes were still so red and…menacing. Her breaths were so shallow that they almost sounded like grunts and snarls… I kept feeling pangs against every inch of my body instead of her hands. My ears almost started to bleed even though she wasn't saying a word.

But even though I didn't know what I was doing, I followed my heart anyway. I followed my instincts, because they've gotten me this far. I may feel like I'm depressed out of my mind, but I know I'm too in love with her to let her go. Besides, staring at the very water where we had such wonderful sex in a year ago gave me a bit of…comforting strength.

I can't be weak right now; she needs me to be strong.

"Fleur…what have you…done to me…?"

"I've given you my 'eart…my love…my soul. You know 'ow I feel about you. I'm not going to stand 'ere and say that I don't feel bad for doing this to you, though. But you love me, too."

"Why…haven't you said anything…after all this time… It's like you…want me to hurt you…"

"Look what it's done to you."

"NO! YOU did this to me! Don't fucking lie to me!"

"'Ermione, I'm sorry—"

"_**NO!"**_

I actually flinched at that; it sounded like she had a demon's voice…not _her _voice… And she must have grown a demon's mind and heart and soul right at that instant, but my reflexes were quicker…

Hermione's free hand glowed red and she started throwing a volley of fire at me… I whipped my wand upwards from the ground and across my body to make a large shield…or Lozenge…or water protect me. It stayed in between us while I tried to catch my breath and keep my face serious. I don't think I could die inside anymore than I already have. I'm a different person…

And a very different Fleur was indeed staring back at me in my waterfall in front of me. Hermione stopped throwing her fire at me; she mimicked my wand movement and froze my Lozenge. I blinked for a few moments until I realized from the sudden vapor that she was throwing fire at it…

Her scream echoed through the huge room and the fire started getting through. I spun my body around once with my wand and slammed my foot down to make my entire half of the pool water come up, but she didn't freeze it this time. Not exactly..

"Oh shit…"

Hermione mimicked my movements again and crossed her trembling arms in front of her face. I tried to swallow and compose myself, but everything almost choked me while I tried to react to her smashing her arms to the air at her sides and turning my shield into broken glass. It was almost like a…butterfly…how she imitated my body movements…

I spun around again for more momentum with my spell to get a Shield Charm up, but right when she and I stomped the ground again, at least a million broken glass shards went flying at me. My hair flew behind me dangerously while I tried to hold my ground and keep my charm, but a few shards kept zipping through and cutting my face. I felt Hermione struggling against herself again…but…

Even though I know I could hold on, something kept telling me to drop it. The shards weren't stopping any time soon, because she kept spinning around like a mocking butterfly and bringing more water up to transfigure into broken shards to send at me. But I _felt _her heart screaming for rest. I know it… I felt her.

Something just kept telling me to let her win...

I took a deep breath with all of my love for her and actually smiled with my eyes closed as I exhaled. Love does too many strange things to me, I swear…

I dropped my shield and felt my wand leave me, but my strength and protection did not. I heard her gasp right when I just barely felt the thousand shards fly and cut at me, just like her words and hands and feet and confusion has after all this time. I heard her drop her wand and run over to me, slowly, because the glass just kept flying at me. But I kept smiling anyway…

I am a masochist for her. I do worship her. I adore her and treasure her and need her far more than anything else that can call itself able to keep me alive. I took every cut that threatened to sever my limbs and hair and heart out, but they didn't. And if they did, I wouldn't know it. Besides, Hermione's arms were around me _now, _keeping me whole _now…_

"Fleur! Fleur please! Tell me you're awake!"

All I could do was smile a little more. I felt her sobbing on me, but I couldn't spite her. Anyone else would be pissed off at her, but I didn't have the heart to be angry at her. I felt my clothes mend, and I felt a little less sticky and cut up. But I still felt rather…tired. Maybe it's just relief from finally having Hermione back to normal…

Even if for the moment…but I always live for the moment. I live for her. I live for Hermione, so I don't care. I'm too broken to believe anything else because I love her _that _much…

"W-we have a slight…problem…dear…"

I opened my eyes a little to look at her and she was still crying a little. But still…her beautiful eyes were not red anymore. They were back to the chocolate brown I've come to love far too much than any other color. But she did look slightly troubled. It made my head throb but my heart was feeling so relieved that I didn't matter.

Still…I wasn't sure if it was her words that made me knock out, or the relief. Maybe just an eerie combination of both…

"My water…broke…"

* * *

December 17th; 2 A.M., Paris, France.

When I opened my eyes again, I was laying in a bed with white sheets. Hermione was next to me. I couldn't hear anything, really. Just her occasional pants in between perfected breathing. A lot of people were in the room…it was so bright. I think I saw…Healers. And four heads of blonde heads that belonged to my sister and our friends. I saw a red head…a black-haired and green eyed friend. And two brunettes. Giselle and Squall. Harry, Ron, Antoinette, Gabrielle, Dominique and Draco were here. But where was here?

My body was to one side, facing Hermione, my head on her shoulder. I moved my nails to her hand gripping the sheets next to me, and slowly made to hold her hand in my own. I'd heard horror stories about people who let that happen the other way around.

Wait…that meant that she was in labor. I looked up at her while I caressed the back of her relaxed hand. Her face relaxed immediately while she looked down at me. I know I saw…appreciation settle in her orbs. Adoration, respect, thankfulness, and, above all, love. I smiled and she smiled right back. I went back to resting my head on her shoulder and she kissed my head before I let myself drift back to sleep.

Hermione was fine…she loves me. I sound almost delirious but I don't care. I'm just so…relieved. So…glad.

So glad to be a father.

* * *

I don't know how long I was asleep for. Not very long, because our friends were still in the room along with one Healer. It was still dark out, too.

But before all of that, the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes were brown eyes staring back at me. I almost felt like I was staring at my own reflection. Though, they were Hermione's eyes, on a face of a tiny one cradled in Hermione's arms wrapped in a silver blanket with a silver hat. Hermione was sound asleep, though. My other reflection was not.

I say reflection because I can see that my Veela blood has clearly taken over quite a bit. Bits of silvery blonde hair had already grown, along with slightly glowing skin. I took a deep breath and inhaled Hermione's perfume when I realized that something was very off.

"It's a girl, Fleur…"

Ron told me this. He and the others were sitting around us, watching me carefully. A girl..? I thought Kelly said it was going to be a boy. Well…either way, I felt…happy. I was happy that Hermione was okay. I was almost _too _happy that we have our daughter safe and sound now.

I looked back at her, and she had this very…serious expression. Not serious as in angry. But serious as in curiously composed about everything. I was amazed, to be frank…

"Fleur?"

One of the Healers addressed me and I snapped out of it. But I almost didn't want to. Things were slowly seeping in that I was a parent. Hermione was, too. We _really _had a daughter. I almost couldn't believe it…

"Fleur? I have her birth certificate here. Did you and your wife ever decide on a name?"

A pang of shock hit me; we'd only ever discussed boys' names all this time because Kelly assured us that it was going to be a boy. We had a very slight agreement with 'Valentine' before, but, like I said, it was slight…

I sighed again and inhaled her perfume. I looked at our daughter. I inhaled again and kept looking at her. She kept looking at me, and her eyes kept getting softer and softer but they'd never finish anytime soon and I knew it. I wondered why.

Did she actually like me? The second I thought that, I saw a very small smile before it disappeared. I smiled a little, she mimicked me. I relaxed my face and she did the same. I was fascinated as I took a deep breath and kept watching her.

Wait…a deep breath. Her scent… Hermione's scent…

Of course…

"Chanel. Chanel Valentine Delacour…"

I just barely heard murmurs of agreement from everyone while she smiled. I'd read that some early borns or preemies can't smile for a few weeks. I don't think she was premature, and I just barely heard Harry tell me that she's not. Born a little early, and borderline premature, he said. I suppose our drama earlier made Hermione break to the point of going into labor early… Ah well…

I don't think I wanted this nice shock to go away for a while… but I felt my eyes drooping. I quickly opened them again and saw hers do the same. I know I said I'm no good with children, but I don't know…maybe I was just lying to myself.

There's no room for anymore lying now, I suppose. Verbally or otherwise. And I can't lie to myself and believe that Hermione's the only one that means everything to me now. It's her and one more now.

Hermione and Chanel. Mmm. Sounds good to me…


	60. Love's Got Me Sucking a Pacifier

_A/N _

_If anyone has noticed, the chapters don't quite sync with yoshi's numerals...this is because she can't count/likes to frustrate and confuse me and I'm way too lazy to go through it all fixing them up. That is the kind of inconsistency that would irk her though, so shhh. She won't read this - our little secret, readers.  
_

_~QC_

December 24th

_**LXII. **__Love's Got Me Sucking a Pacifier_

_(Fleur's POV) _

"Mmm yes, Fleur's still asleep here with Chanel. Draco, honestly. Yes, I _know _we do this every year but—Now if _that _isn't the nicest thing to say about her…! No! I'm _trying _to keep my voice—I know you hear me just fine!"

In reality, Hermione's defiant hissing to Draco over the phone woke me up. I was merely pretending to sleep. He'd been trying to convince her to go to their annual dinner for a few minutes now. She'd made excuses about Chanel barely being a week old and mom's already out for a night on the town. Well, actually, Chanel calls her 'maman' already, and it's only been a week. She calls me 'papa', too. I have no idea how she managed that, but I'm hardly one to complain. I find it adorable.

Hermione apparently decided to give in and go out with Snooty Face. I heard her rustle some paper around and start writing something. I didn't want to wake up and talk to her right now; I'd read the note later.

Chanel and I have been the tired ones lately instead of her. Her postpartum problems haven't arisen for some reason, and she's somehow given them to us, I think. Hermione was actually the one to go in to work and close up for the holidays. Squall has been suspicious of her. Either that or he's just never here. He told me not to worry.

Some moments later, I heard the sound of shower water running and her muttering something before closing the door. I sighed and opened one eye; something I seemed to be doing in a more metaphorical sense. Sleeping with one eye open. I've been paranoid that she snaps in her sleep now that I've gone back to sleeping in our bed with her again. The funny thing is that Chanel refuses to sleep if she's not in my arms. Gabrielle had joked and said I'm going to spoil her into the habit for at least thirty years. I paid her no mind.

Hermione has been fine lately. I suppose scaring her to the point of breaking her water finally snapped some sense into her. But my skin still pulses whenever she's around, almost like it expects to be beaten and stomped on. I don't know. I'm just rather…paranoid.

I sighed and felt a poke on my closed eye. I pursed my lips and opened my other eye to look down at Chanel properly. If I didn't know any better, the look she was giving me was undeniably a 'get over yourself' kind of stare. I swear she reads me like a book…even though she can't read. Maybe. But she doesn't smile as much. Not when Hermione's around, anyway. Dominique said Chanel has Hermione's scowl. I laughed it off at the time, but sometimes, I think she's right. And they told me Chanel didn't cry at all when she was born. She hasn't cried at all as far as I know. Is that normal? I don't know.

I widened my eyes when the shower water stopped, and Chanel's flew closed. Now if that isn't something… I shook my head and kept a smile from my face so I could pretend to go back to sleep.

She bustled back out of the bathroom some time later and took a deep breath. I think she was standing at the foot of the bed. I don't know; I just felt her there. I felt my eyelids trembling a little while I forced myself to keep them closed, and I almost flinched when she kissed them. I think she did the same to Chanel before I heard a loud honk outside. She hissed and hurried out of the bedroom and I breathed a sigh of relief.

I opened my eyes and retrieved my laptop from the bedside table. I put it on my lap and turned it on. Chanel watched it with a passive expression while I waited for it to start up. She apparently enjoyed listening to all of the love songs I'd downloaded for Hermione and I. It didn't surprise me. I remember George joked and said I'm going to end up teaching her all of the languages I know, and Hermione's going to have her reading and writing by the end of the month. Again, I wouldn't be surprised.

After putting a playlist of songs on repeat, I opened my internet browser and went back to my reading in French about hopeless romantics. I find it amazing that people actually write stories without pay, and a lot of them are much better than any novels on the market. And if I didn't know any better, I think Chanel kind of follows along with me. I've started reading aloud whenever Hermione's at work or something. Some of these stories are rather sexual and profane, but it's not like she can understand me anyway. But this one wasn't like that.

This one actually enlightened me so much that it made me mad.

"J'aurais dû deviner ses russes derrière sa tendresse. L'essentiel est invisible aux yeux. Mais, me mange. Elle ne sait pas. Je n'ai pas compris comme elle me contrôle. C'est une bête vie que j'ai. Ses yeux et sa sexe et…tout. Son tout me tueur."

I should have sensed her trickery under her tenderness. Trickery is a strange translation, but still. And the essential is invisible to the eyes. But she…eats me. She doesn't know. I don't know how she controls me. It's a stupid life I have. Her eyes and her sex and her…everything. Her everything kills me.

It made me wonder if I was a fool to have such an admirable resolve for all these months. What if her whole self has really transformed and this is just an act? I can't see who she is in just her eyes alone. Maybe she is controlling me. My life isn't so stupid now…but…

No. I'm being stupid. Chanel pushed her hand against my face for effect and I rolled my eyes. Hmm…

I heard the doorbell ring right when my mind clicked to its non-stop mode. I set my laptop back on the table and took Chanel downstairs with me. She always looks down at the stairs with a strange air of concentration whenever she sees them. She always stares at the ceiling in awe whenever she's downstairs. The chandelier is also an object of interest to her, too. But nothing more so than the bar table in the kitchen. I really wondered why.

I opened the door and Diana and Kenneth came rushing in, muttering under their breaths about all of the snow. I was rather surprised that they were here while I closed the door and helped dry their clothes with my wand. They thanked me and Diana offered brightly to hold Chanel for a moment. Chanel did seem to like Diana a lot, so I let her. We went in the living room to sit, but I was a little caught off guard still I guess. Thinking spitefully about Hermione moments ago, then having her parents show up unexpectedly…I don't know. Maybe it was a sign.

"So Fleur, how are you getting along with Hermione now?" Kenneth asked carefully.

"I don't know. She's obviously trying to tell me that she's back to normal by being romantic in passing and doing 'er best to take care of _me _a little more than Chanel. But I'm still…well…I don't even know the word for it."

"Paranoid?" he asked with pursed lips; apparently, Chanel had a strange fascination with Diana's chest. Diana just laughed and talked to her to explain what she was doing. I asked that no one 'baby talk' to her. I didn't think it would do any good.

"I suppose…"

"Fleur, if this is about not wanting to push her away, I don't know what to tell you. Your mother told us that bit about the distance, as you know. Diana and I don't know what to think. It's got to be hell for you… I know it is."

"I've strangely grown to be rather…stoic…about everything. Sometimes I'm not even sure if it's 'Ermione who's being civil and, dare I say, _normal, _right now."

"Or are you just a tad delusional?"

Delusional.

Delusional was the word that struck my bones and spattered realizations at my heart. It's quite possible that I'm delusional. It's very possible that I'm imagining Hermione smiling and being so perfect; such a sudden shift that I know was not possible from just one incident.

What if she's just playing with me? Her other self's taken over and is just waiting to catch me in a moment of weakness. I knew it! Why didn't I see it before—

"Fleur?"

"…would you like some tea?"

"_Tea? _Since when do you offer us tea? I know we're English, but what's with the sudden change of subject—"

"I need…air."

"Honey, what's wrong with you?" Diana pressed. I shook my head and stood up.

"I just…need to go for a walk."

"Is this about me calling you delusional?" Kenneth asked. I cringed and ran a hand through my hair. "If it is, then I'm sorry—"

"Take care of Chanel, won't you? You know where everything is. And your room is right where…you left it. I mean, _'ow _you left it. Ugh…"

I quickly left the house and didn't bother cursing at myself for my _lack of _clothing. I had my wand; that was all I needed right now. Despite all of the snow and the wind and biting cold, and my thin white shirt and equally thin black jeans and shoes, I left. I don't know where I was headed, but I kept walking while my mind ran off too far for me to even fathom catching up with. But I kept trying. The exercise was all I could do to keep warm.

It's quite possible that I've just been engrossed in a pool of false hope and refusing to come to the surface to see reality. Hermione, whichever Hermione she is, could very well have just been looking down at me drowning myself in my pool. Her true image is distorted. I am distorted.

This is ridiculous. I can't keep doing this. I'm not supposed to be around her right now. She needs her space. I need space. But she's my wife and the mother of our child and my _first _and ONLY true love and my life and my…everything. But is she hiding her so-called trickery under everything? Is she…eating me? I haven't even thought about sex with her ever since she started abusing me.

Speaking of abuse, she never really…apologized. She never sat me down and said she's sorry. But why should I even need to hear it? It's like that night almost two years ago—

Chanel's birthday is on the seventeenth of this month. Hermione and I went to that party in New York on December seventeenth last year. And the year before that, on the seventeenth, that was when she chased me through the rain to tell me that she loves me.

Truly.

Goddamnit, why am I doubting her? My_self, _even! I always do this. I always run away when I think I'm completely justified for feeling confused, but then I start to spin around and get dizzy inside of myself until I _need _to hear someone give me some kind of comfort. Sorry, or I love you, or I'm really just pretending to be nice to catch you off guard in your sleep tonight.

I twitched and rubbed my numb arms. The realization suddenly hit me that there was no way to be certain about anything. I thought I trusted her. But she snatched away my trust little by little and replaced it with bruises and cuts and burns and scars over all these months. I thought I was above this, but now I don't even know what to think. I'm scared of her. I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm fucking scared of my own wife. Because of something I did to her.

I shook my head and let the cold freeze the weakness from cascading out of my eyes. I barely realized that I was walking through the city. I didn't notice people looking at me incredulously with their warm clothing and Starbucks coffee acting as thermal aids for their gloved hands. Getting out of this mess of confusion and exasperation would be my Starbucks coffee. But I didn't have any money on me.

I didn't have an ounce of trust in her anymore, even though I wished I could have a cup filled to the brim with many ounces of coffee or trust or…warmth. Her love. My mouth was dry all of a sudden. I started sucking my thumb. Chanel doesn't suck her thumb, so why am I? I'm the one who's thirty-two years old; she's barely a week old. But she acts so much mature than I do that it's maddening…

I stopped in my tracks while I peered through a window. There sat Hermione and Draco at a table, laughing without a care in the world. Hermione was fine because I was not with her. Draco was fine because he was able to forget about Squall when Hermione was with him. They've grown to be such best friends, and I do not spite them for it. But I felt like a starving child stranded out in the cold while I watched them eat and talk and laugh and sip their wine.

My chest trembled for stability and I only felt my eyes freeze my tears even more. Why am I so confused right now? Why am I wandering the city like a lost and delirious fool? Why am I watching my wife and our best friend sit in a warm restaurant while I was outside wracking with too many emotions and not enough solidity? I wasn't jealous of _them_; I was jealous of Draco.

I was jealous that he could sit and talk with her without wondering if she's going to start throwing fire at him for infecting her. I was angry that he could smile at her without doubting if she's _really _smiling back. But he was not the one who gave her the ring glinting on her hand. He was not the one who helped her say with complete validity that she is the mother of a healthy child.

But he is a man. An attractive man. Is Hermione attracted to him? Have I been played for a fool this whole time? Ohh…

FUCK with this delusion! Goddamn you, Kenneth…

I stormed inside the restaurant and flipped off the workers who tried to tell me off. I made a beeline for their table, and they looked rather shocked to see me heaving at them with snow in my hair. Draco blinked at me a few times before shooing away everyone else and asking that I sit. I didn't.

"F-fleur? What are you doing here?" Hermione babbled. BABBLED!

"Shtanding'ere."

"Hermione? I thought you told her I was picking you up?"

"I left a note.. Fleur, didn't you read it?"

"Non."

"Are you alright? What on earth were you doing walking through the snow in the same clothes you were at home in? My God, and what about Chanel—"

"Your parents are dere wither."

"Oh… Fleur, sit down, won't you? You're worrying me…"

"I'm wering you?"

"…yes."

"You're attracting attention," Draco sighed. "Now will you sit down and tell us what your problem is? And will you stop sucking your thumb? It's embarrassing."

I blinked several times and snatched my thumb from my mouth. Hermione took my hand while she slid across the chair and had me sit next to her. I think she almost pulled her hand away from the cold exuding from me, but she didn't let me go. I felt stupid. I probably _looked _stupid, too. Maybe my life is stupid.

Maybe the warmth I feel from Hermione's hand is not as affectionate as I'd like to think it is.

"We're waiting."

"I don't 'ave a problem. I was just walking and saw you two in 'ere."

"Walking in nothing but a thin shirt and jeans? And are those Converse I saw you wearing? Hermione, I swear you're rubbing off on her in the worst ways—"

"YES she is."

They both stared at me and I felt my eyebrows sew together. Not the way Hermione kept sewing me together. Not the way I tried to keep myself together to stop any possible breakdowns. But I didn't know what was wrong with me. I didn't know what was right about me.

All I knew was that I didn't trust Hermione to hold my hand right now…

_Yeah I'll…tell you something… I think you'll under…stand. When I…say that somethin'… I wanna hold your hand…_

"Fleur…?"

_And when I touch you… I feel…happy…inside. It's such a feeling that my love… I can't hide…_

"Fleur, will you tell us what the hell is wrong? You're paler than the snow right now."

_I can't hide…_

"Please… will you whisper it to me or something? You're scaring me again…"

_**I CAN'T HIDE…**_

"JUST SHUT UP!"

Everyone and everything stopped. I was heaving again. I snatched my hand from Hermione and stood up. She had the nerve to look shocked and confused. If ANYONE has the right to be shocked and confused and pissed, it's me.

I snorted at her and left. I didn't care about the burning stares of everyone in that fucking establishment. I didn't care that Draco had been so surprised that his hair was actually disturbed from its perfect slick on his head. It was cold again. It was still snowing. And I bet you any amount of money that Hermione won't come running after me because she's confused. Or she thinks that she's won now.

Or she just doesn't want to mess up her little black dress. Whatever.

But oh, the Gods of anger and jealousy and irritation rung and sang true in my throat and mind and soul while I kept stomping down that sidewalk to who knows where. Do you know why they were singing and ringing and just TEEMING with righteousness right now?

Because she didn't run after me. And I'll be damned if such a little thing, such an expected thing for her to do (which she did NOT), rips me apart. But hell…

It did.

I had to suck my thumb to keep from screaming in this biting blizzard.

* * *

December 25th

When I woke up the next morning, I was expecting Hermione to yell at me to get dressed so we could go to the Burrow with her parents and Chanel and pretend like nothing was wrong. I'm not sure if she wasn't yelling at me because I had Chanel in my arms. I'm not sure if she wasn't yelling because she didn't want to. Or maybe she couldn't.

But Chanel and I woke up at the same time to the sound of talking wafting through the air from a few rooms down. I stood up with Chanel and walked to the closed door, fully intent on listening because I had nothing else to do.

That, and I still felt too drained to do anything else. Besides, the talking turned into yelling. And a dab of sobbing from our best friend Hermione.

"Tell me exactly why you didn't go after her!"

"Dad, what was I supposed to do? Even if I did… I don't know what's wrong with her—"

"Hermione, do not sit up here and tell me you don't know! Did you forget that fast?"

"Forget what? She stormed in that restaurant and refused to tell me anything! From the way she was acting, it's like I'd abused her—"

"BECAUSE YOU DID!"

I looked down at Chanel to see if she'd flinched or anything, but she was just looking up at me calmly. Well, she still had that ever serious expression on her face. She didn't look angry, though. I think it's the only thing that kept me calm while we both listened to her sob even louder. Her crying didn't make me feel better. It didn't make me feel any worse. I wasn't really sure if I could believe that she'd forgotten just like that.

Kenneth stopped talking. Diana took her turn, and she didn't sound any notch less angry than her husband. How ironic that her parents had to intervene with us. But they're worried, so I can't really blame them…

"She stormed out of here without her phone, without her keys, looking like she was completely depressed! Fleur thinks she's delirious because of what you did to her! It's taken everything we have to not go off on you before for hitting her all the time and treating her the way you did!"

"Wh-when the hell did I do that?"

"Oh, only about every day after her birthday, Hermione! Fleur begged and begged us not to confront you about it, but it's having an adverse effect on her! When she came back here and wouldn't talk to us, and just kept muttering 'she didn't run after me' over and over like a zombie, we couldn't take it anymore. Don't tell us you just forgot about what you've been doing to her!"

Hermione didn't have anything to say this time. My heart stopped beating, waiting with bated anticipation for…something. Anything. I kept staring at our daughter, amazed that she hadn't flinched at all this whole time. Hermione was still sobbing and wailing. Kenneth and Diana kept sighing and clicking their tongues, obviously not showing their daughter any sympathy.

To be honest, I felt cracked. I don't even know what day of the week it is. Christmas, sure. But what _day? _Maybe I really have gone crazy like Hermione wanted. I don't know. I don't care.

The door opened. Hermione looked absolutely startled, and her mouth was moving and her voice was sputtering for an explanation that did not reach my ears. I just felt like smiling at Chanel for some reason. She smiled right back. All I heard was buzzing. All I felt was a familiar sting starting at my cheek bones and rising to my eyes. I didn't let it get to me. I felt fine as long as _this _Hermione in my arms was smiling at me.

"Your smile is very comforting…'Ermione. Thank you."

I kept smiling at Chanel and went back into the bedroom. I think I heard something hit the floor. A body, maybe. But I still heard a lot of sobbing in between my buzzing ears. My skin throbbed painfully while I tried to expel any images of Hermione slapping the tears from my eyes.. these tears that so desperately wanted to fall. I held back a flinch and a sob while I tried to forget how she kept breaking my heart in her hands along with my ribs on her way to rip it out.

But I didn't let them. I will not soil my child with my weakness. I refuse. I am not delirious. I'm okay. I'm perfectly fine.

I refuse to let Hermione Granger win. Granger. Hmm. Such a nice name…


	61. Logic's Hanging from a Telephone Wire

August 15th, 2011

_**LXIII. **__Logic's Hanging from a Telephone Wire _

_(Antoinette's POV)_

Fleur is completely normal. Trust me.

She's just really mad at the world right now. And I don't blame her one damn bit.

I've been doing what Hermione asked me to do. I've been taking care of her husband more. I've been helping Fleur with Chanel, I've been doing this and that with Gabrielle and the others helping me. But where the hell has Hermione been, you ask? Fuck if I know, but I do know that she comes back at the same time every night to take care of Chanel then go to sleep.

But now that everyone was at Fleur's house, sitting in the living room the night of Gabrielle's birthday, I feel uneasy. Hermione wasn't here. She's never here. She claims that she is very busy with work, and Squall has said that she is indeed always in the office. Other than that, he has no idea. But even _he's _here now. Hermione isn't. Fleur's here. Gabrielle, Draco, the twins, George, Harry, Ron – they're all here. But I know that Fleur doesn't want to be here.

There have been a lot of times over the past year and a half that Fleur hinted vaguely about suicide. Chanel's the only one keeping her from it. That seriously just broke my heart. It's like no one and nothing else matters to her if it's not her daughter or Hermione.

There have been so many times when I've walked in her room uninvited and saw her helping Chanel with her French, or reading and writing, or math, or just whatever random subject because it was expected of Hermione to do it. But Hermione is never here. Chanel's only a year and a half and she already scowls at the mention of her mother. Hell, you don't even have to say her name; you could just be hinting about the woman and the kid'll scowl. Fleur doesn't spite her daughter for growing to detest her own mother, because Fleur did the same thing.

Now I have Chanel sitting on my lap right now, watching me coldly. She looks at me this way because I look like her mother and she knows it. But whenever she speaks to me, which usually happens in French, she seems to like me. I don't think the kid's aware of her facial expressions half the time.

"Antoinette."

"Hm?"

"Your cheveux are going to turn to chocolat tomorrow."

"I think my hair is going to stay blonde, honey."

"Honey-chocolate, maybe. That's what your cheveux are. Papa told me she stopped eating chocolat. Rots dents I pense."

"Chocolate is okay to eat sometimes. When you're sad, maybe. Too much will rot your teeth though, yeah."

"But Papa is never sad so she ne need pas le chocolat. Sa dents are parfait, n'est-ce pas? Maman tells moi I have parfait dents like Papa. I see hers many times. Her dents are not parfait. Too much chocolat. Her cheveux peut-être?"

"I don't think your mom eats her hair, Chanel…"

"She eats Papa's heart. I trouve she would eat her hair aussi. But I wonder why she is sad if she eats her cheveux chocolat. She always looks sad. I don't like it."

I stared at her for a while and she went back to staring at my hair. Everyone was looking at her incredulously except for Fleur. Fleur was staring off to the side, looking rightfully angry.

If you looked at Fleur and Chanel, you could not tell the difference between them. But duh, if you took into account the age difference, and how Chanel's eyes are just like Hermione's, which she hates, then you'd see a distinction. But their hair is the same. Their expressions are the same. I think they'd almost sound the same, but Chanel doesn't have an accent. I try to help Fleur with her H's, but she won't hear of it.

And then I look at where Fleur's gaze is and I realize why. Fleur is staring bitterly at their best wedding picture. Wedding. I can hardly believe that they've been married for almost four years, but they spent maybe four months of it as a happy couple.

I think it's turned into routine for us to gather in Fleur's living room and stare at Chanel in silence whenever we have a get-together. I think our presence is what keeps her from going insane. She's just very, very angry at the world. She's not angry at any of us in here, no. I know she's not mad at herself. She just has a right to be mad that her wife's MIA most of the time. Plus, there's more abuse whenever Hermione manages to catch her alone. But what has Hermione done around here besides attack Fleur and try to take care of Chanel?

Nothing. Hermione is going through something that I can't even describe. She's aware of the abuse now, but she's not aware of herself when she does it. She's fighting a losing battle, trying to hold on to every ounce of sanity that she has. Seeing Fleur at night before bed seems to help her do that. But Fleur does not reciprocate anything. And Hermione's put up with it after all this time because she feels guilty and indebted to Fleur for not leaving her. She knows that Fleur still loves her.

Personally, I think Fleur's just starting to bury everything she's ever felt for Hermione. She's burying it further and further under this couch I'm sitting on every time all of us sit in here in an awkward silence. Chanel has long since learned to go around to everyone individually and start conversation. She's used to the attention. Hell, she even talks to Squall in Italian. Fleur's really got it made for her.

And Hermione has not helped at all with Chanel's studies. Something else she no doubt feels guilty for. But I know she isn't going around getting knocked up by randoms every day. She promised me that she hasn't.

Every time she's even let the thought pass her mind, she thinks back to the last time we went clubbing so many years ago. That song, 'Like a Boy' by Ciara keeps haunting her, she says. She can't go around cheating on Fleur because that would make everything worse. But she refuses to leave. Hermione thinks that just by trying to be here for Chanel for an hour of her day will keep things happy and strong for the three of them.

But I think it's more detrimental than anything, really.

"Antoinette."

"Chanel."

"Would you ever eat anyone?"

"Wh-what?" Gabrielle coughed violently at this. Harry and Ron tried to turn their laughter into coughs, but failed horribly. Fleur was hardly bothered.

"I asked 'would you ever eat anyone'?"

"No, why?"

"Me mange. Maman eats me with her yeux."

"With her eyes?"

"Oui. When she looks at me I see water in them. I don't like it. Her bouche waters like she wants to eat me. Her bouche being her yeux."

I didn't even know what to say to that. It's like her level of intelligence is too much for me, even though I know exactly what she's saying. She rolled her eyes at me and wandered over to Gabrielle's lap next to me and sat, patting her stomach to help her calm down.

To be honest, I was rather amazed that Fleur's already got her speaking in full sentences minus the Franclish tendencies whenever she speaks to Gabrielle, the twins, or myself. And Chanel said something about long division being boring but easy. She knows a lot of information…just like her parents. But Fleur has told me it bores her to read. She writes like the wind, and she is able to read, but reading just gets her mad. What a coincidence.

Chanel can do a lot of things for her age, but the one thing she isn't capable of is sympathy.

And then I look over at Fleur and see her holding back tears, still looking at the wedding picture. I feel pretty damn powerless to supposedly be her best friend. Gabrielle doesn't even have the heart to joke around with us anymore. Everyone's been rather reserved. Squall is worse than ever, but at least he hasn't been disappearing for nights on end anymore. Draco's supposedly given up on him, but I know better.

Harry and Ron feel guilty for not having any problems. They've been married for about three years now and they're doing just fine. None of us really expected this, though. We thought, you know ever since that night Fleur helped Hermione to hold on, that they would be just fine. But Hermione apparently has an insane sex drive and yet Fleur can't reciprocate. I don't blame her. And that's when Hermione's scheduled to start the abuse.

I know this sounds really horrible of me, but I'm hoping Hermione does something to finally drive Fleur past her breaking point. Fleur needs to stand up for herself. She's black and blue with supposed pride and love and unwillingness to throw Hermione out, but this is ridiculous.

* * *

_(Gabrielle's POV)_

I think I hate Hermione. The things that she's done to my sister are inexcusable, but Fleur's too stubborn to stand up for herself. She's not scared…I know she isn't. Hermione's beaten out any ounce of fear in her over the past two years. But it's not…her fault. If anything, I should be happy that Hermione is resisting this whole Erotomy Mono thing. But she has Fleur living a life in mono herself, and I don't appreciate it.

Chanel is poking my chest interestedly for some reason. She likes to poke Antoinette's chest, too. And by chest, I mean breasts. She doesn't do it to anyone else except her grand mother. Did I mention that Diana and Kenneth are torn with their daughter? They don't know what to do with her. Whenever they come to visit, they have to keep Hermione's hands off of Fleur. Fleur walks away, Hermione collapses to the ground in confusion, sobbing and wailing. It's the same thing every time…

"Gabby."

"Chanel?"

"Ma tante, non?"

"Yes, I am your aunt…"

"Papa says you always look triste. Porquoi?"

"I don't zink you would understand."

"Try me."

"…euh…"

I looked at Fleur but she wasn't paying me any attention. She was looking at something on the wall. But I remember Fleur saying to not treat Chanel like a child just because she's only a year and a half. I don't think Hermione's had any part in raising Chanel at all besides knowing how to change her diaper when she wore them. Fleur was reluctant at first but she got over it.

Three guesses as to why.

"I look sad because of your maman."

"I thought so. She is quite miserable. I don't think you should let her win by doing the même."

"By doing ze same? 'Ermione is not…well…"

"Hm? Chat got your tongue, Gabby?"

Chanel nodded and crawled over to Harry's lap next to me when all I did was stare back at her. I fear that she's going to grow up to be a very angry person. A very angry person who still sleeps in her father's arms every night. But sometimes, I wonder if they keep up with it for protection from Hermione. Hermione hasn't dared put her hands on Chanel. If she did, I bet Chanel would try and fight back. She's quite strong for her age.

But this is some way to spend my twenty-fourth birthday. I don't mind, really, but the whole group has been rather lethargic. We have faith that things will go back to normal eventually, and we can all start going out and just being happy again. Hermione's just the one person keeping that from happening. Fleur is the one who's too attached to her to leave. It doesn't make any sense, but I trust Fleur.

I don't know what to do. We all do our best to raise Chanel ourselves, but we know it would be a lot more helpful if Hermione would snap out of it. But even if she did, Fleur would forever be in denial that Hermione's finally back to normal. I know my sister isn't insane; she's just paranoid. It's like she's gone back to our days growing up when maman would hit us for just _looking _like we were thinking about a girl. Fleur doesn't try to shove that down Chanel's throat.

But…I don't know. Maybe she should. Maybe she should so we won't have to see another cycle of this disease tear their lives in two…

* * *

_(Harry's POV)_

Ron and I feel completely miserable for Hermione and Fleur. We really don't know what to do to help besides do our best with everyone to help raise Chanel. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley know what's going on, but we still go to the Burrow for Christmas. They never know what to say to Fleur. Chanel has warmed up to the Weasleys, even though she doesn't understand how they all have the same hair color but not the same eye color. Ron tried to explain to her, but it didn't sound _logical, _she said. Not because of how he said it.

But it was because Hermione trained her to think that Ron was wrong to her for so many years. So anything he says must be wrong. I know for a fact that Hermione hasn't said not one hurtful word about Ron to Chanel. Fleur doesn't know about this; Ron's only told me. I asked Hermione about it in private when she was over at our place visiting. She said she thinks she knows why it's happening. It has something to do with that last projection Fleur made to get inside Hermione's mind and help her. Hermione thinks that Chanel's seen all of her thoughts and dreams. She even thinks Chanel was able to see that dream Kelly gave her, because Chanel kept going on and on about how she wants to go to New York one day.

Just the mention of New York makes Fleur's eye twitch. I really don't blame her…

But if Chanel's really seen everything from when Hermione was pregnant, it's no wonder she's taken a liking to Fleur. Fleur was the one who helped her mother through it. I think Chanel just has an instinct to trust Fleur because she was strong for her that night. Hermione was a nervous crying wreck, and Chanel's used to it now. She doesn't like it, she says.

Sometimes I wonder if Chanel's disdain is what makes Hermione so miserable. We were all expecting Chanel to like Hermione more than Fleur just to tease them about it. But now I look down at her staring at me pensively and I clearly see the striking resemblance to Fleur. She takes after her father so much, with the small exception of her eyes and her scowl. Her curiosity is astounding; she has an odd interest in my faded scar.

And her sharp mind.

"Harry, your eyes are like green butterflies. They flutter closed and opened just like their wings."

"Oh…thank you."

"Are you jealous of me?"

"Why would I be jealous of you?"

"Vert is the color of envy. Green lust lights, non? Because you see maman in my eyes and you wish you could see her now?"

"…yes, Chanel. Yes I do. But I'm not jealous of you."

"Ohh. Ron, what about you?"

"M-me?"

"You are scared of me."

"I don't think I am…"

"Papa says when you let two escape your mouth when you really only need one, you are scared. That's why she does not let maman go. Letting two escape instead of just one, herself, is not bravery. I don't know what that means. Do you?"

"…uhh…no."

"No wonder. You never know anything."

"Hey, don't say that!"

"Emotional range of a _teaspoon, _Ronald?"

Ron and I gaped at her. She just shook her hair over her shoulders and slid down my legs to the floor. After carefully getting back to her feet, she slowly walked over to Malfoy, who looked a little surprised, too. I know Malfoy's never heard Hermione say that before, but there was the slight tone in her voice just now suggesting an English accent. And the slightly bossy tone made it sound so…Hermione.

I heard Ron choke back a sob. I did the same and held his hand.

We really, really miss the old Hermione. But we don't spite Fleur at all. Not one bit…

* * *

_(Draco's POV)_

I was with Fleur when Chanel first learned how to walk a few months ago. Yes, _months _ago. The girl is astounding. I had been in the kitchen, sitting on the bar while Fleur was making some drinks for us. I was eating some vanilla ice cream, my therapy food, when Chanel just hopped down from her high chair and started walking towards me. Fleur nearly sent the blender out of control and I almost dropped my ice cream.

Chanel was giving me this really hard look while she kept walking. She hugged my legs and actually heaved herself up to me using my pants to climb up. In a matter of seconds, I had Chanel in my lap, trying to push my ice cream down my shirt.

That was the first time I'd heard Fleur laugh so much in a long time. I didn't get why she was laughing, and she never explained it to me. I guess up to that point, I wasn't very fond of children. But Chanel's different. I'm fascinated. And I know Fleur used to be just like me.

And now here Chanel stood on my lap, smoothing my hair down with both of her hands. I held her gingerly around her waist to keep her upright while I watched her concentrated face above mine. She's really tall for her age. And I swear the girl's just like Hermione. Bossy, snobbish, sharp, and she scowls up a storm. But she will smile when we tell her a joke or something. She gets things. But Weaselbee made the mistake of telling her the joke about blondes and lightbulbs and screwing. Needless to say, Blondie was quite offended. Personally, I laughed.

Laughing is the only thing I can do to forget.

Squall and I had a falling-out because he hates that I like to tease him so much. It's funny that I can't be a coquette at all with him, but I know Fleur and Hermione put up with each others' flirting for months. But Squall is very different now. He's twenty-two and he already seems three times his age. It's completely my fault, but he just won't let me back in. I've been trying, though…

"Draco, you are very hard today."

"Excuse me?" I heard Potty and Weasel choke their laughter, but it was hardly working. Squall barely cracked a smile, but he wouldn't look at me. Fleur didn't seem to care.

"I said 'you are very hard today.'"

"What do you mean?"

"Your hair is like warm ice. So hard. If you eat too much ice cream you will turn into ice. And your face is hard. I don't know what you're thinking about."

"You can't read my mind."

"The mind is not a book."

Potter widened his eyes at that. I think I heard him mumble something about Snape. Chanel went back to smoothing my hair down and I kept staring at her. Whenever I stare at her and she's busy with her attention elsewhere on me, I'll sometimes think about Hermione. Chanel can tell when I think about Hermione; she always gives me a cut-throat glare and stops what she's doing whenever I do. But then she gives up once she knows I know why she's looking at me like that and goes back to doing whatever.

She did it just now while I was wondering what Hermione is up to. I swallowed and tried to look away, but she held my face in her hands and kind of made me look at her. It creeps me out, to be honest. And she only does it to me; no one else.

"Your eyes have no color, Uncle Draco."

"Uncle? Since when do you call me uncle? It doesn't sound right."

"I wasn't talking about you being uncle. I said your eyes have no color, so what color are they?"

"Grey, Chanel…"

"Gurey. Great. You have great eyes, Draco. Great eyes that take my color away. Keep taking it. I like your great eyes better."

I gaped at her and let her go so she could crawl over to Fleur's lap next to me. Fleur held her and Chanel went straight to sleep, but not once did Fleur tear her eyes away from something on the wall. I looked at her line of sight to see what it was.

Wedding picture. Their wedding picture. Well, a snapshot of Fleur rushing out the chapel with Hermione in her arms, grinning like a madwoman…

I don't know what to do. I really hope Hermione gets back to normal. I'd like for us to be one big happy family again, as Utopic as that sounds. But it's better than nothing. Even if Squall isn't cooperating with me, I feel bad that my best friends are having issues far beyond fixing at this point. But Fleur's told me that she's waiting for something. Something to happen. And when or if it does, she needs me to be here in a matter of seconds.

I don't know what she meant, but I promised her I'd be there for her. I am in her debt.


	62. Lazy Boats and Birds

December 17th, 2013

_**LXIV. **__Lazy Boats and Birds_

_(Hermione's POV)_

I'm a failure. I'm a failure. Failure, failure, failure failure failurefailureFAILURE. I don't know why I'm trying to relax in this bath. I don't know why I'm not out there with Fleur and Chanel. It's our daughter's fourth birthday, and I'm spending the night cooped up in this bathtub.

I'm used to not smiling anymore. Four years. Four years and Fleur has not left me. She hasn't kicked me out, she hasn't yelled at me, she hasn't ran away from me whenever I snap… and she hasn't cried. She never cries. WHY doesn't she cry? I cry all the damn time and she holds me every time. I'm just too confused to do anything else, because whenever I do snap, I try to stop myself. I _really _try. But I act one way and think another. I don't have any control over myself anymore.

Chanel hates me, Gabrielle probably hates me, and I hate myself. Fleur doesn't seem to hate me. She never says anything to me anymore. But I can't leave her… I can't walk out on her and Chanel. I get the feeling I'm just making everything worse and worse and I don't know what the hell to do. No one can help me. I've tried to be as composed as Fleur about everything, but I just end up crying anyway…

And tonight's no different…

But water seems to keep me calm… Despite my crying, water tends to keep my head screwed on. Veelas are water nymphs, aren't they? Maybe that's why.. maybe that's why I feel comfort when there's a thunderstorm. It's the only time Chanel will ever let me hold her. She doesn't like them, she says. But…the last time Fleur and I had sex was during a thunderstorm…

I screwed up everything by not sitting down and explaining what that toy does. I shouldn't have forced Fleur on me. Maybe now I'd be able to leave and have my space without feeling the need to…to hit her almost every time I see her. Maybe I wouldn't be so scared that I'm going to start abusing my own child…my own child who hates me. Chanel hates me. She hates me, she hates me, she hates me…

I can't keep doing this… I can't keep living my life in fear of myself. I can't keep hurting Fleur every time she so much as looks at me. Why hasn't she left? Why hasn't she kicked me out? She still loves me… and I can't leave her. I can't. I can't. I refuse…

But goddamnit… she never gives me sex. She never gives me anything but her back to look at whenever she walks away from me. The warmth of her arms is all I remember. I'm used to crying every day and trying to make things right, but I always mess things up. This wouldn't have happened if she didn't infect me, but who am I to blame her? I don't know what the hell to do. Blaming anyone won't solve anything. Doing this and that and that and this is never going to help matters. I'm sick of crying but I want to do what I can here. I'm tired of always being miserable, but I'm keeping Fleur's company running and I know she at least appreciates that.

I am…addicted to her. She's too beautiful and strong and amazing to let go. I cannot ever let her go. I refuse. Even though I've noticed that I'm starting to get heart attacks whenever I go out of control, I can't do this. I can't. I won't leave her. And she puts up with me…I know she loves me. I know she does. But I'm hurting her too much… I'm being selfish. I should leave. I don't know. I don't know…

I can't breathe because I'm crying too hard. I can't see anything with my eyes wide shut to hide from the world of this huge bathroom. I always run my trembling hands through my hair and grip my head to stop the tears, but it never works. Nothing ever works. I just wish Fleur was here with me now…singing to make the pain stop. I don't care that I'm so dependent of her.. I will never forget that night when she helped me. I'm still in her debt. I haven't repaid her yet, but at this point, I fear I never can… she doesn't deserve me. She deserves so much better than me. I'm worthless. Worthless, amountless, meaningless…

My eyes shot open when I felt someone on me. No…no my mind is just playing tricks on me again…

"I'm still quite as lost as you are, 'Ermione. There is something I don't understand…"

Fleur… Fleur was actually in this bath with me, and she wasn't wearing anything. Fleur was actually running her long nail across my face and looking at me with so much…sympathy. Hurt. Concern. Love, even…

I haven't felt her body on mine like this in years. But I never forgot the feel of it. I memorized her body while I could. I remembered her straddling me that night before our wedding. I remember the feel of her soft glass skin over mine… I remember…

I couldn't stop crying, but I couldn't stop looking in her eyes. I was praying to every God imaginable that she wasn't going to try and kill herself right in front of me. I hoped and wished that she would just relieve me now, even if we just had this one night. I didn't care about anything else. I wanted her so damn bad that I started twitching.

My throat let out a moan when all she did was move her mouth to my neck to kiss me. I held her head in my hands and pressed her into me, and my skin felt like it was going to explode with satisfaction. I've been so deprived after all this time. Fleur's been…almost teasing me. For four years. Four years…

But I didn't care. She was glossing her soft heart-shaped lips over me and I just wanted to melt into the water with her right now. Her breaths were warm with pent up frustration; her explorations were rough and frivolous but I liked it. The desire was teeming from her hands groping every inch of me, and I swear I jumped out of my skin when she tickled me in between my legs with her nails..

Our breaths were so shallow, thinned over the years from everything I've been doing. Everything I couldn't control or stop or refrain from, no matter how much I wanted to. I cried it all away and let Fleur almost rip that evil exterior clear off of me with her perfect teeth. I wasn't thinking about anything else while I let her gnaw and nibble and bite at me. It was arousing; _she _was arousing. This woman is too extraordinary to let slip from my grasp.

"Fleur.. Fleur, mmph.. p-please I'm…sorry. Can we just…just…be like this from now on—"

"No…"

Her free hand dug into my shoulder while she kissed me so hard and fast that I almost couldn't respond. Her other hand kept tickling me and stroking and rubbing and pinching so much that I was starting to get a high just from that. But wait…no? No? Why? God…well, hell… I deserve it. She could tease me for years if she could just keep surprising me like this once in a while.. I don't even deserve this much.

Her tongue on my own felt _so _good after _so _damn long… We kept opening our mouths as wide as they would go to eat each other whole. Eat me, drink me, Fleur.. just eat and devour away at my demons right now…please…

I was still crying, but I was almost crying tears of joy at this point. I didn't care that Fleur had taken over my every waking thought. Not even work could keep my mind off of her. She's too good. Too sexy, too fine, too bad, too much for me. But she's mine now. She's married to me now, she loves me, she's kissing me, _doing _me now. I was scared to get out of the water to let her have me good and hard now… I was scared that my mind would snap. I was scared of myself, but I wasn't scared that Fleur controls me now.

I gasped for air while she moved up briefly to kiss and lick the tears from my face. I had my eyes closed, thinking…wondering if I could ever capture this warmth in my stomach and my heart. I wondered if I could capture the explosion of my senses that she and she alone gives me. Put them in a…box, maybe. I wish I could. I wish I could feel them over and over and over again without her being there, because masturbation doesn't even do anything for me anymore..

"'Ermione, talk to me. What's on your mind…? What am I to you…?"

"Y-you're a drug… a demon I c-can't face down. I'm stuck…but I'm running from you all the time. I know I let you…have all the power.. it's like the only company I seek is misery all around…"

"And you're a leech.. sucking the life from me. I can't breathe without you inside of me…"

And that…was my cue to finally move my hand to the forbidden territory. Her forbidden, forbidden body was now relaxed on top of mine. A subtle warmth prickled my head down to my chest while I finally heard the rewards of her soft arousal. It burned me with such a cool flame of reminiscence to finally hear her like this again after _so _long…

I love her too much to slip away from me. I'll be damned if I let her go. I can't. I won't. She actually needs me this way too. I was too broken to believe in anything else but her. Her approval of me now is all I need…

"I'm never going to quit you, Fleur.. I can't breathe right now.. I can't see anything but you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm addicted to you… you are the epitome of beauty and respect and everything divine for putting up with me after all these years… please don't let me go…"

"Mmm…keep talking, love… keep talking…"

I brought her as close to me as possible with my free hand and kissed her long neck hungrily and she cried out. I couldn't stop crying because of how good this was. Even though she was mine, it was her decision as to when I could have her. I know I've fucked up. I know I'm a failure. But she loves me…she knows I'm struggling…

She knows I don't mean the things I say and do whenever I hurt her…

"I can't see anything but you, Fleur… I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I can't think without you in my mind every second of every day. You've taken over me right now… I'm not me whenever you're not as close to me as possible… I need you_ so _much closer…

"I'm lost… but I can't give up. You're a ghost that haunts me whenever we're not together.. I know these voices in my head that tell me to hurt you are mine alone, but I wish they'd leave me alone… I know I'll never change my ways…if I don't…"

"If you don't…_what… _Leave?"

"Please Fleur, I _can't _give you up… not now, not ever. I'm addicted to you, I'm addicted, addicted… I'm hooked on you, I need a fix…I just can't…take it…"

"You're getting your fix… Probably your _only _fix for the shit you've done…"

"I know…I know. Just one more… I'll handle it. Just one more time, then that's it… just a little bit more to get me through this…"

She trembled and rocked against my hand and I did the same to her. We held each other close and I kept crying harder than ever while we went spinning into an endless cataract of new heights with each other. I just needed this… then I'll go on. I promised myself I'd be better. I can't keep losing control. I can't hurt her or Chanel or anyone else anymore. I can't…

Fleur is too valuable and beautiful and perfect to let go. I refused to let her out of my arms, even after I made her come plenty more times. Just the huge fact that she's still turned on by me is comfort enough. I can't ever find another love like hers, and it's pointless to even try. I can't leave her…

I just can't…

* * *

Fleur left me alone after staying in the same spot with me for a few hours. She sang to me again, and I just would not stop crying. _If your love was all I had…in this life… That would be enough until the end of time… So rest your weary heart, and relax your mind… 'cause I'm gonna love you until the end of time…_

God she knows how to rip me with guilt but throw me back together with so much love at the end of it all…

I regretfully got out of the bath and got dressed to at least see Chanel. I kept running her song through my head, hoping to keep myself calm. I forced myself to stop crying, but I know I felt something different about me the second I stepped out of that bathroom. Still, Fleur wasn't in the bedroom. I went to Chanel's room, hoping and not hoping that Fleur was there. She wasn't.

I still had to choke back a sob regardless.

_If you're ever wondering about the way I'm feeling.. Well baby there is no question; just to be around you is a blessing. I just want to spend my time with you. And what you give me lets me know that I'll be alright…_

Chanel's room was quite…interesting. She had posters everywhere of some video game. Final Fantasy. She's only four years old and already plays video games. I kept my mouth shut at the time when the three of us were at the mall shopping for her. But she knows to balance her games and her schoolwork; Fleur and I put her in pre-school two years ago. The teachers thought she was four at the time because she was so tall, and even now she already comes up to my waist.

I guess I should at least be thankful that she acts just like I used to when I was her age…

"Chanel?"

"Hm?"

"What are you up to?"

"Blinking, breathing; thinking over this book on Transfiguration. Not reading."

'_Cause if your love was all I 'ad…in this life…that would be enough…until the end of time…_

"Oh… I see."

"No, you don't see. That's why you asked, isn't it? Or are you just trying to start conversation when I'm obviously busy?"

"Chanel…please. I don't know what I've done to you, but I'm sorry."

"Then why are you apologizing for something you _don't know _you're doing? You know what you're doing; you're hurting Papa. I just wish you'd stop. I can't even turn four properly without you here."

_You're 'otter than a summer day…in California. You've got me melting like a sundae; I want you. I know you've been waiting, you've been waiting a long time for me. But if you wait a little longer this is how it'll be…_

"…who taught you to be this cruel?"

"Women must pay."

I widened my eyes at her and finally felt the usual heart breaks that she always gives me. She slammed her large book shut and walked over to me. The fire in her eyes burned me too much…

_I keep on falling…in…and out of love…with you. Sometimes I love you…sometimes you make me blue. At times I feel good…at times I feel used. Loving you, darling, makes me so confused… _

_I keep on falling…in and out…of love…with you. I never…loved someone…the way that I…love you._

She's seen my dreams. She's seen my thoughts and fears and hesitations and flaws. She knows me inside and out. Chanel knows every thing about me. She loves Fleur so much more because Fleur isn't like me.

And so the realization finally hit me that my daughter really hates me for who I am…not just what I've been doing to Fleur…

But Fleur…she doesn't…hate me…

She loves me…

Wait…

Why the fuck would Fleur LOVE me? A woman? But women must pay… I can't love a woman. I don't.

_Oh, oh, I…never felt this way… How do you give me so much pleasure…and cause me so much pain? Just when I think I've taken more than one fool…I start falling back in love with you…_

_I'm…I'm…I'm…I'm…falling… Falling…_

No…I never loved her to begin with. Who is this kid, telling me that I'm essentially in her damn space? But this kid looks so much like Fleur and I that it's scary. Why the hell does she look like us? Why does she have my eyes? Why is she mirroring my scowl?

"Bullshit, kid. Don't start with me."

"See? There you go again. You can't even control your own mind. Have you ever picked up Occlumency? I think you need it, Hermione."

"The hell do you know?"

"I've seen everything about you. You're trying to hold on to every ounce of your sanity, but you will die from this, mother dearest."

"Mother?"

"I'm sick of this. You're boring me. Get out."

_I 'eard you sang a good song, I 'eard you 'ad a style. And so I came to see you and listen for a while. And there you were, this young woman, a stranger to my eyes…_

_Strumming my pain with your fingers, singing my life with your words… Killing me softly with your words… Killing me softly…with your song telling my whole life. With your words killing me softly…with your song…_

"No, YOU get out! Who are you to tell me what the fuck to do?"

"You call yourself a civilized adult and yet you never lose the chance to raise your voice at me when you think Papa isn't here."

"Think?"

She tried to walk behind me, but I shoved her down. Before I could even stop to realize what the hell I was doing, I felt a sharp pain in my heart. It felt like someone shoved me, too. But they didn't.

But she wanted to. I know Fleur wanted to shove me when I turned around and looked at her.

_Show me the meaning of being lonely... Is this the feeling…I need to walk with? Tell me why I can't be there where you are… There's something missing in my 'eart…_

_There's nowhere to run, I have no place to go. Surrender my 'eart, body and soul… 'ow can it be you're asking me to feel things you never show…?_

_You are missing in my heart…_

"GO ON, FLEUR! Hit me! Hit me, punch me, slap me, FUCK ME RIGHT NOW! I'm not Hermione! Go ahead and do it! I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM! I'm not Hermione Delacour! I'm not Hermione Anyone! Hermione This, Hermione That, Demonic This, Demonic That! I'm not human right now, all because of YOU, you bitch!"

_Tell me why can't I be there where you are..!_

"GODAMNIT, ANSWER ME!"

My hand slapped her, but I did not. My hand ripped at her hair and forced her to her knees… but her arms wrapped around mine to keep me from doing more. She was at my mercy, trying her hardest not to cry… why do I always do this? Godfuckingdamnit…

There's no use in trying to explain my confusion…she knows why I'm confused. But I can't keep doing this. I cannot keep hurting her… and I just hurt my daughter now. A part of me was trying to kick Fleur off of me, but I know my real self was screaming and roaring for her to stay latched on to me…

_How can I begin to tell you what you to do me every time I 'ear you. Or even when I see you… I know that there's no use in trying to explain my confusion… but still, I'm not complaining about our situation. _

_I found my inspiration 'iding in your expression. So I put myself away for your consideration. _

_Let's not talk about a possible ending. Let's not think about it every day. I know I'm so in love with you…_

_A beautiful woman…_

"'Ermione, please…I'm begging, _begging _you to stop…"

"Don't you understand? I CAN'T! You owe me something, Fleur… I don't know what it is, but you do…"

"What would you like… Just say the word."

"…you lost the bet."

"What?"

"You LOST the bet, Fleur! You owe me your company. Now hand it over."

My jaw was quivering and my throat was bleeding. I tried to ball my fists up to keep my hands under control while she let go of me. It turns out she had everything in her pocket this whole time… I didn't want to take it, but I felt myself snatch her keys and bank information and vault key anyway. There was some other paper, but I paid it no mind.

I snarled at her; I wanted to keep hitting her. I don't know why she was being so submissive. I don't know why she was…doing this to herself. Why? Why does she let me do this to her? She was glaring up at me, just like in my dream six years ago…

"Draco, take 'er now…do it now. I can't… I can't do this anymore… 'Ermione, you put your 'ands on Chanel and I won't… I won't let you do this to us. Just me, I can stand. But not our… no. Not _my _daughter."

My heart fell straight out of my chest when she stood up and Draco came from around the corner. I latched onto her, all the while trying to crush her and rip her apart and beat at every inch of her. I gripped her beautiful face that hid so many scars…her strong face that was not soaked with tears. No…no… Draco was pulling at me to get off… Chanel was hugging Fleur's legs to pull her away from me…how, why, why, WHY?

FUCK…

"Fleur, no! I'M NOT LEAVING! I love you too much, no—"

"You don't…love me…"

_If you'll be my star, I'll be your sky. You can 'ide underneath me and come out at night. When I turn jet black and you show off your light… I live to let you shine…_

_I live to let you shine…_

_But you can skyrocket away from me…and never come back if you find another galaxy far from here with more room to fly…_

"Fleur no… no no no NO!"

"Just leave me your stardust to remember you by…"

_I live to make you free…_

"FLEUR NO!"

"You don't love me, 'Ermione… Forget. Forget, forget, forget… You'll die if you don't. Now let…go of me…"

_I live to make you free…_

"What..? NO, I'd rather die! I'll die! I can't leave you! I promised myself that I wouldn't—"

"I live to make you free, love… I live to let you shine… I 'ave your stardust. I'll…see you again. Later. Maybe…"

_You can set sail to the west if you want to... And past the 'orizon 'till I can't even see you... Far from 'ere where the beaches are wide.. Just leave me your wake to remember you by..._

"Fleur, NO! DRACO, LET ME GO!"

"The door is right downstairs…go. I'm not walking you there, even if you expect me to. You're making this harder than it needs to be."

"I'm not going anywhere! I don't want to—"

"Quelle dommage."

And that was the last thing I heard before she cast a spell and put me to sleep. I think… I _think _I heard Chanel cry for the first time in her life that night. The night of her birthday…

The night she had to watch her mother fly away for years and forget she or Fleur ever existed…


	63. Leo and Virgo

September 1st, 2026

_**LXV. **__Leo and Virgo _

_(Chanel's POV)_

It's eleven A.M. and I'm back on the Hogwarts Express in the Prefects' Cabin, on my way back for my sixth year. Yeah, I got accepted to Hogwarts and not Beauxbatons. Whoopdeedoo. I'm a Prefect just like my… just like Hermione was. I think I'm even in line for Head Girl, but I don't think I could handle it. I ought to slack off with work and be a complete rebel, but I don't want to upset Papa.

"Hey, is it alright if I go sit with my friends?" Some fifth year actually spoke to me. Hufflepuff, too. Hmph.

"What?"

"…err…"

"I don't care. I don't make the rules; I just enforce them when I decide to."

"Th-thanks, Chanel…"

He left and I rolled my eyes. Everyone else pretty much took the opportunity to leave, too. I didn't care.

A lot of the Professors recognized me the second I stepped foot into the castle. Papa never told me she was here for any Triwizard Tournament. They supposedly discontinued the Tournament to honor someone who died. Cedric Diggory. When I told Papa, she looked very hollow. I suppose ever since then, I don't like thinking about Hufflepuffs. I always remember the look in her eyes when I asked her about Cedric. I know there's something more, but I learned to never ask questions unless something's really any of my business.

A stupid part of me keeps hoping that Hermione will show up at King's Cross every year. It's been almost thirteen years since I've seen her. I haven't heard from her. Papa hasn't either; we don't talk about Hermione.

She took our money from us. She almost got our house too, but Antoinette threw money at the people and they left us alone. We've been getting mysterious checks from someone every month, and that's what Papa uses to buy my supplies and whatever else with.

I never ask her for anything. The only things I've ever asked her to buy were those video games all those years ago. They still work. I take good care of them, because it was the most expensive thing Papa's ever bought me with her own money. I feel horrible whenever I'm online and see something I want, but I can't be selfish. She stopped working for years until I was in my second year. I don't think she is depressed, no. And she wasn't before. It's hard to explain…

I just don't understand why she put up with Hermione for as long as she did. I cried that night because I just realized how much they love each other. I saw everything of Hermione's. I saw her dreams and desires and dirty thoughts and filthy flaws. Papa didn't have to sit down and give me 'the talk' about anything. I learned everything I needed to know from Hermione.

But Papa actually threw Hermione out because she pushed me once. I wonder where we'd be if Hermione was still here. I know she's still alive. I hear about her all the time on the news, but Papa refuses to watch anything on TV. She writes a lot. She sleeps a lot more. I haven't seen her smile since I was born, and even then, I don't remember what it was like.

I don't remember what it's like to smile, either.

* * *

Being in Slytherin is tough. Everyone assumes that I'm conniving and evil just because I'm in this House. It doesn't make any sense to me. If they're not insulting me behind my back, they're ogling at me whenever I do face them. I'm only an eighth Veela and people gawk at me like I'm a pureblood. I'm tired of it. They talk shit about me because I have 'two mothers'. They talk a lot of shit about me because they think I'm gay.

But they'd talk a lot more shit about me if they knew that I'm in love with my mother… Well, not in love. Maybe. I don't know.

I sighed while I took my usual spot at the Slytherin table. People don't talk to me. They don't sit next to me. I only have one friend and she's in Ravenclaw. Her name isn't all that important right now, but all you need to know is that she's Cho Chang's daughter. Papa was very surprised when I told her. I think she and Cho have gotten caught up over these years thanks to me. I don't know what happened with them in the first place, but I'm glad she has another friend.

Sure, Harry, Ron, Antoinette, Gabby, Squall, George and the twins are still around. Draco…well, I see him when he comes to visit in the middle of the night sometimes. Hermione is staying with him. They're not together, no. Hermione isn't even aware that she's married to Papa, but she hasn't changed her last name back. She hasn't thrown out her ring…nothing. I don't know. I want to hate her. But I can't. It's because I don't know her and I _want _to know her that I love her. But I can't forgive her for everything she's done…even if it wasn't her doing it. I guess I'm just too indecisive…

After the Sorting and some random speech from the Headmaster, food appeared in front of us. It's so fattening, though. I don't see how these English…err. Well I'm only part English myself, I guess. I don't see how they eat this food.

I think about Hermione all the time, and I wish I didn't. I've lost my appetite now, wondering about how she looks like now if not on a TV screen. I decided to leave early. I guess I was sleepy. Not really.

When I first got here in my first year, I had been sleeping in Papa's arms every night until then. I almost cried because I couldn't sleep for days, on top of everyone teasing me because I'm 'too pretty' and because I have 'two mothers.' I told Papa but she said to ignore them. People are just jealous of me. I suppose ever since then, I've been a little stuck up just like…Hermione.

George said I slept too much when I was younger and grew too much, so now sleep is hard to come by. I think he's full of it; he doesn't know the whole story. Ron, too. He was the one who hurt Hermione for all those years before she and Papa got together. He's a complete idiot, too. I don't see how Hermione dealt with him, but I know why she was with him.

Foolish. She's a foolish woman. How one could have so much book smarts is beyond me, but she just has no people smarts at all. She'll take anyone who'll have her just because of all of her damn secrets. She's even worse than Papa for hiding her secrets from herself, even, for all these years.

But she's a good person…a person who does not look like she's almost forty-seven years old. Seems Papa's thrall helped cut off any signs of her aging. Draco swears Hermione's cured now, but Papa is getting cold feet with going after her again. Hermione has supposedly forgotten about us. Temporarily, perhaps. Draco didn't explain.

The thrall in Hermione's blood is gone, yes, but because of how long it's been in her system, she's started to get that one trait we have of aging very minimally. She's very beautiful. Is it weird to say that?

I asked Antoinette if it's weird to have a…crush on Hermione. She said no, because it's pretty much a natural fascination to have with my very distant parent. For a while, I even thought I liked Antoinette. But even though she and Papa are the same age, and Hermione's only two years younger, I find it creepy.

But ever since Antoinette told me it's not creepy to be in love with Hermione, I haven't thought it was. Sometimes I wish Antoinette would turn into Hermione. Sometimes I wish Antoinette would just…go away.

But I wish Papa would go after Hermione. I hate seeing her so angry all the time…

* * *

I skipped unpacking when I got to my dorm in the dungeons. I went straight to the window to stare out at the night sky. I usually like staring at Sirius. Harry told me all about Sirius. Sirius Black, I mean. The star is just as interesting as Harry makes the man sound.

And then I look around and try to see the stars of everyone else's funeral I'd attended over the past thirteen years. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were up there. They were very nice to me. I still don't understand the thing about their family's eyes, but I guess it's better that I don't. Grand-mère and grand-père were up there, too. Apolline and Lionel, I mean. Diana and Kenneth are still alive. Papa was very…very distant when they passed. She didn't understand how Apolline passed on so early for a halfblooded Veela. But it was grief, I think. Lionel went right after her.

Diana and Kenneth told me to just call them by their names. They're still alive and well, and I'm…happy, I guess. I like them a lot. I wish Kenneth would cut his hair, but I guess it's fun to laugh at him when he bumps into things. Diana is very charismatic, even though she looks too much like Hermione. I don't like it sometimes. She always squeezes me when she hugs me and calls me Coco. I call her Princess sometimes. Princess Diana from England, I mean. And Sir Kenneth. I never thought I would like my family this much, but I know Papa wants me to. Both of our families, Hermione's included, meet at the Burrow every year for Christmas for me after all this time. It's eerie because Mr. and Mrs. Weasley are gone, but Bill, George, and Percy still live there. I think they'll be bachelors for life, or at least that's what Gabby says.

But these stars always make me think back to that dream Hermione had. A memory, really. Papa enchanted the walls and ceilings downstairs into the night sky. I think Papa almost cried while I was humming 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' absently while I was doing some very early reading for Astronomy some years ago. I really…really like Astronomy. Three guesses as to why I like the Leo and Virgo constellations, or even why I'm infatuated with the subject to begin with…and…fire extinguishers.

I still hum that song to myself sometimes. It's very comforting. Sometimes it's the only thing that'll put me to sleep. I think I saw a shooting star just now, too. I closed my eyes for a moment and wished for the obvious.

"If you'll be my star, I'll be your sky… You can hide underneath me and come out at night… When I turn jet black, and you show off your light… I live to let you shine…

"And you're shining now, Hermione. But Papa isn't…and you just have no _fucking _idea…"

I wished Papa could have her love back, even if she couldn't be my proper mother. I'd be satisfied with that much, even if Hermione doesn't deserve it…

* * *

_(Diana's POV)_

Kenneth and I were sitting in the living room that night watching some sappy soap opera. I don't know why he sits with me to watch these things, but he's a sweetheart. But right now, I don't think he was watching the TV. He was looking at the wall. I raised my eyebrow at him and followed his line of sight.

That picture of Fleur and Hermione…their best shot from nearly twenty years ago in Italy. It's been a long time now that we've had Fleur as our daughter-in-law…and sometimes I feel like she's more of a daughter to me than Hermione is. I don't know how Kenneth feels about it, but I guess his words said enough.

"Not a day goes by that I don't think about them, you know."

"I know…but we just have to trust that Fleur knows what she's doing. She said she's following her instincts, so we need to let her be."

"But you _know _how Hermione is lately…"

"Kenneth, we're old. Why would she want to be bothered with us, even if we're her parents?"

"Diana, come on. Even if Hermione still looks like she's twenty, she should know better. I don't even know who she is anymore. Remember when we didn't like Fleur? Well, now it's the exact opposite. It just makes me feel uneasy."

"Oh you're just going to end up giving yourself a stroke. Don't start."

"Why have I put up with you after all these years?"

"Because we're health nut doctors and you won't find anyone else who will put up with your pruny head. You're going to be stuck with me for a long time. And I hear Fleur won't be aging at all for, what, fifty more years?"

"About. Hermione too, or so says Draco."

"I believe him. Fleur will be able to drive Hermione crazy and senile for at least a hundred more years."

"Diana…you're convinced they're going to get back together, aren't you?"

"Pretty much."

"Even if Fleur's not the same person anymore?"

"Oh, she is. Just give her time. Hermione would be insane to pass up Fleur's hot self a second time in her life. She'll remember everything at some point."

"And you're sure?"

"Kenneth, stop being such a downer! My goodness. Who taught you to think like that?"

"…I don't know. Chanel, maybe."

"Ohh…the poor baby."

"Sweetie, she's sixteen. Stop calling her that."

"Whatever, Kenny. Anyway, Chanel is just a younger version of her daddy. She's so pretty, too. And tall. She needs to be a model, I swear. Hermione's going to die when she finally sees her again!"

"Diana, you—"

"Ah ah. Optimism is the best medicine, even if everything seems dreary. Fleur never did take Hermione for granted, but I know her heart's burning with that ember of love. Or whatever you want to call it."

"And how long is it going to keep burning?"

"…um. Until the end of time. Maybe."

"_Maybe?"_

"Maybe longer! I don't know, Kenny, give it a rest! Let our girls work things out on their own."

"Right…whatever you say, dear."

"That's right!"

"Ugh…"

_(George's POV)_

We all took Fleur back to the Burrow after seeing Chanel off to the Hogwarts Express that day, like we do every year. It was getting late, but she wouldn't sleep.

It's been seventeen years since I've seen her smile. Seventeen…and Chanel's turning seventeen this year.

Now she was standing outside in the garden, just staring up at the stars. She does that a lot. She never explained why. Chanel has a very strange fascination with Astronomy, too. Maybe there's a connection. I know Hermione wasn't too hot with the subject back in school.

I feel really bad. Even watching Fleur from inside, I can tell that she's grown so much over the years. She's very angry, but she's strong. She hasn't cried at all as far as I know. I still talk to Hermione. Hell, we all do except for Fleur. We've driven ourselves up a wall not mentioning her husband or her daughter after all these years. But Fleur made us swear on our lives not to; she'd handle it when she feels the time is right. I don't know how long she plans on waiting for, but I hope she gets a move on.

It's extremely depressing that Hermione's married but she doesn't even know who she's married to. She doesn't even know she has a daughter. I really don't know if this is a good thing or not, but we're all positive that she's cured for good. That Erotomy Mono disease was a real pain in the arse, but I'm happy it's gone. I guess I'm not so happy that Fleur and Hermione are so…different now. I don't even want to get into how different Hermione is these days, but just know that she is different.

"She's still out zere?"

"Yeah…"

Dominique and Giselle stood with me and watched Fleur for a while. I guess it's not very ironic that these two and I are extremely close. Fred would be…very happy to know that I'm best friends with a pair of twins. I'm sure he, mum, and dad know everything that's been going on. They're sending their regards down to Fleur. Maybe that's why she stares at the stars; to see them. To see her parents.

Or maybe she looks up at the ceiling housing her loves and prays that it's keeping them safe. Hermione would be home alone right now if she's not at work. Draco's upstairs with everyone else trying to sleep. I'm astounded that we all still hang out. We're essentially Fleur's support system.

There have been a lot of times where I've just sat in the living room in Harry and Ron's place and felt like wailing... I'm the one that went along with Fleur's pleas of getting Hermione closer to her, even though Fleur obviously forgot about that for several years after the fact. I feel guilty for giving Fleur that strap-on…because I'm sure if Chanel wasn't a part of their lives, Fleur would have long since tried to get away from Hermione.

But I guess things will just unfold the way they're supposed to at this point. I'm hoping that they get back together soon… Very soon…

As strong as Fleur is, I don't think her heart can go on for much longer. But right when I saw a shooting star pass over her head, I wished for Fleur and Hermione. I wished that they could find each other soon.

Very…very soon…


	64. Lovely Mockingbird

September 7th

_**LXVI. **__Lovely Mockingbird_

_(Fleur's POV)_

"Fleur, you finally picked up! How are you this morning?"

"I'm fine, Dorothy."

"Good, good! Well, the agent I mentioned said you're all set for the interview today. Eleven A.M. sharp, so you have—"

"Thirty minutes to get there, right. You gave me the address, I'll drive there now."

"You're dressed to impress, I assume?"

"I am."

"You're getting an interview with the head of the company, now. Don't disappoint!"

"Right…thank you."

"Mhm, au revoir!"

I closed my phone and slammed it on the table while I ran a hand through my hair. I was trying to eat some kind of breakfast. I find it strange that I've actually put on enough weight over the years to no longer pass as a stick. Hmph. That's no longer 'in' in the fashion industry. 'We want _real _women, not pancakes!' I guess it doesn't matter that I'm a year shy of fifty. No one seems to notice.

There was nothing else to do, and I wasn't really in the mood to eat. I put my phone in my white Prada purse and put my huge cream sunglasses on and left. So what if these are out of style? I wear them anyway. I'll forever wear my damn copper thigh high boots with my baggy black pants and white V neck cashmere shirt just to be different.

Since_** SOMEONE**_ took my car some years ago, I finally bought a new one last month for my birthday. Chocolate brown Porsche, 2027. I bought a silver one for Chanel, too. She didn't ask for it. She never asks for anything. I'm not sure if I should worry or not, but I try not to push her into anything.

I started my drive into the city after glancing at the address quickly, not really caring about the name of the agency. I had to go back to selling myself for money ever since my _best friend _took it upon herself to take nearly every damn thing from me. I went back to modeling, because I felt miserable relying on these mysterious checks I keep receiving every month. I'll be damned if it's child support, because _she _and I have never been to court over anything. I never bothered looking in to who's sending the money, and it didn't matter to me.

So I'm sure you're wondering how the hell I feel about Hermione. I bet you are. I know you are. So nosy, I swear.

If you must know, yes; I'm still deathly in love with the woman. I hate it. I hate her. I hate myself sometimes, but there's no sense in hating anyone or any_thing _because it won't do me any good. I dream about her every night, I can't take a shower without thinking about her, I can't eat without remembering how she'd feed me, I can't sleep alone, I can't do ANYTHING alone. But at this point, if she knew, she'd just laugh in my fucking face.

Hermione Delacour is the Head of a covert Anti-Gay Group. The group being her posse of fake friends. But I bet if any of them knew that she's married to _me, _she'd be out of there faster than a cow in a meat factory or something. Her friends go around to gay clubs and bars, pretending to be police to get the places shut down. They take the money from the owners and leave them with absolutely nothing. Call it organized crime, call it complete ignorant fun. Whatever you want. But as much as I detest her right now, I don't think she knows what her _friends _are doing. They just use her money, MY money, to get their jobs done. She's being used. But she just feels so damn proud of herself to actually have other friends that she's blinded to everything else.

I can't just go up to her, wherever the hell she is, and demand that she remember me. She's always surrounded by her friends if she's not with my friends. I guess…I'm scared. If she's immature enough to be a homophobe now, then I wonder if there's any point in pining over her like some lovesick puppy. Because that's all I am, right? Ohh but if she knew she and I have a daughter, that would really get her kicked out of her stupid group.

Fuck this. I can't move on. I don't want to. I don't want to go through the whole process of getting to know someone, letting them in, testing them, trusting them with my secrets, and whatever else. I do not want anyone if it is _not _Hermione. Am I clear? But I detest that woman so much that it makes steam fly out of my nostrils whenever I sigh over her. I am sick of pawning over her, and I bet she would just feel SO good about herself that a woman like me is so in love with her. No one in the industry knows that I'm a lesbian. So what if I've had to pay the media to keep it covered? But you know what the best thing is?

I pay the media to keep everything about Hermione and I covered. I pay them so they'll shut up, to keep Hermione on her pedestal, and to make sure that she could be cured over all of these years. I'd love to see the look on her face if I suddenly stopped and everything was leaked. She thinks she's so smart, but she doesn't know a goddamn thing about how to be sly and protected in this world.

* * *

Sometimes I wonder if I should just go find her. I don't think I would know what to say. I'd know how to act. I would know how to treat her. I just wouldn't know what to say.

"Oh, 'ello 'Ermione. Remember me? I'm the one you've been married to all this time. You 'ave a sixteen year old daughter 'oo 'ates you, too. Will you come back to us?"

No.

"You're a lesbian and you're in love with me."

No…

"I still remember where your spot is. I've memorized your svelte body, 'Ermione… and I bet you a trillion Galleons that I can make you…ARGH."

NO!

I slammed my hands on the steering wheel while I sat in this stupid traffic. Why can't I forget about her? Why, why, why, why, WHY… It's annoying. It's taking everything I have to not plug in my iPod and play our…our songs.

I was a fool to promise her I'd fight for her when we were…together. I was an idiot. A young, foolish lovebird who was just obsessed with every ephemeral taste and touch and memory of my one true love. She had me on a high and I couldn't resist it. I wouldn't. How could I? It's stupid. And the worst part is I feel completely at fault for Chanel growing up to be so reticent.

She's not shy, though. Not at all. She's just so mad at the world all because her mother was a fuck up. Because I selfishly exposed her to her mother for so long…because I didn't know how to let her go… Chanel says she only has one friend, but I've had several kids owl me and ask me what's wrong with her. Not _wrong, _but, why she acts the way she does. They say they want to be her friend but they're too scared to approach her. I never reply, though. Chanel wouldn't believe me, even if she saw the letters. She'd just think it's a joke…

If Hermione knew how successful Chanel is, she would just cry. Prefect, perfect O.W.L.s, perfect grades…everything. No, she doesn't play Quidditch. She hates flying. She strangely prefers driving, even in traffic. But she holds her breath whenever she drives. It scares me.

And I think the worst thing is that she still sleeps in my arms sometimes when she's home for the summer or holidays. She mumbles Hermione's name in her sleep, too. I've stopped feeling a need to cry every time Hermione is mentioned somehow. Chanel and I don't talk about her, but Draco's been keeping me informed. I usually just nod and don't comment at all. He's taking care of her for me because I trust him. Because he's a…man…

But you know what? After all this time, I've stopped dressing like a tomboy. I stopped wearing suits and things like that because I can't do that anymore. Hermione is not on my arm, and I can't make any money if people know that I prefer to wear men's clothing. I tend to take jobs where the photographers want me to wear men's clothing. It's all the rage these days, and that keeps me satisfied.

Despite myself, I just…_need _to get her back. I don't know how long it'll take, but I can't just keep running away to modeling and making excuses about being so very busy to chicken out. I've found myself subconsciously grazing my lips with my nails, which I still refuse to cut, just imagining that night nearly thirteen years ago. If she only knew how much I wanted to stay in that water with her… I know she was sane in the water, but I couldn't keep her trapped in a bathtub for the rest of her life for my pleasure.

I live to make her free, even though her so-called beliefs right now are oppressing me. She's suffocating me with her decisions, but she's just trying to make up for the voids in her heart. I know I can trigger her memories to come pouring back, but I just don't know _how _to do that…

My priority is giving Chanel the life I never had. I can tell sometimes that she wants to cry so badly. I've forgotten how it feels to want to cry. I try to keep her sheltered from everything, but she sees everything. She knows everything from Hermione. She's confused. She's lost. She's unhappy. It's my fault. She misses her mother, she's scared, she hates her mother. I feel like I failed her. Hermione and I never planned this. We never planned Chanel, either.

I don't know…sometimes I think that I'll just wake up and this will all have been a dream. I try to promise Chanel that Hermione will be alright. I did cry once after she left, but it wasn't necessarily because of Hermione. It was in her second year when Chanel came back for Christmas.

I had to spend the checks we kept receiving on bills that kept popping up out of nowhere that Hermione never took care of. The joys of being married, if you will. I didn't have any money because I was paying off Hermione's old debts; one of them I noticed was a large overdue bill for my wedding ring… So Draco and everyone wrapped up presents for Chanel and brought them to the Burrow and said some of them were from me. Daddy couldn't buy them.. I'll never forget that Christmas…I sat up the whole night crying. I felt like a bum… So the second I saw her off at King's Cross with everyone, I had Giselle and Dominique show me to their modeling agent.

They hired me before I could even set foot in the building. Dorothy Nguyen is my agent. She sends me around to companies and agencies for small projects, some big ones. I travel a lot, but Chanel's at school so it's fine. I find it funny that Dorothy Nguyen is the name of the Vietnamese lady who was 'Hermione's' agent in our last dream. She has that same pleasant, soft voice and she's a bit of a snobbish bitch just like the Dorothy in our dream. She even looks like the same woman… But she helps me put clothes on Chanel's back, so I don't mind…

"Now 'ush little baby, don't you cry; everything's gonna be alright… Stiffen that upper lip up little lady, I told you, daddy's 'ere to 'old you through the night… I know mommy's not 'ere right now and we _do _know why. We feel 'ow we feel inside. It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby, but I promise maman will be alright…

"And if you ask me to daddy's gonna buy you a Mockingbird, I'll give you the world. I'll buy a diamond ring for you, I'll sing for you, I'll do anything for you to see you smile… And if that Mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine, I'll break that birdie's neck. I'd go back to the jeweler 'oo sold it to you and make 'im eat every carat, don't fuck with dad…"

That should be motivation enough for me to get Hermione back…and I won't admit it to anyone, but…I'm scared. I'm scared I'm going to push my…my wife away. I'm scared of her homophobia. I know I look hard and tough and I talk with a knife for a tongue, but words won't mean shit if I can't get her to believe me.

Still…now that I'm pulling in this parking lot and remembering how badly Chanel loves Hermione…how I'm afraid of continuing to raise her without her mother…I don't know…

Now that I'm remembering how much _I _love her, despite the hatred and spite and time…I just want to cry. It's been years since I've let myself feel like this. Maybe it's a sign…

Maybe Hermione really is my Mockingbird…

* * *

This building was revamped or something two years ago, Dorothy said. I don't know why. I guess it didn't matter, but I didn't know why the C.E.O. had to interview me personally. Dorothy said something about me being the main model for them for about a year and a half or something. Good money. It's fine, since I would only have to go abroad during winter breaks, and Chanel said she'd like to come with me. This is the first time I've had enough money to take her somewhere other than England, so I need to get this job. I want to take her to New York and other parts of Europe.

She doesn't deserve to only get as far as that dreary, dingy castle that housed my love for so many years. I don't spite the school, but I don't like it, plain and simple. Beauxbatons was much more suited to my tastes. I still don't understand why Hogwarts got to us before Beauxbatons. I guess it doesn't matter.

I fiddled with my portfolio in my hand while I took the elevator all the way up to the seventy-ninth floor. I hate looking in this thick thing. Seeing my own pictures, no matter how very valuable they are, always makes me cringe. Just because I never had any jobs where I had to smile. The anger in my eyes has no fake edge to them. I don't know why I kept everything in here, even from when I first started long before Chanel's second year. Dorothy said it's good to have everything in here…but there are a few batches in here that pains me to look at.

While I walked down the hallway to the C.E.O.'s office, something ominous struck me. People were gawking at me and exclaiming something, but my heart was beating too fast in my chest to hear them. No…no…no way. Impossible… Why the hell didn't Dorothy tell me?

My legs were literally ice water mixed with some kind of gooey substance while I tried to keep going. This can't be… No… I'm going to kill her. I'm going to murder her.

Dorothy Nguyen is so…dead…

I reached the office door of the C.E.O…. But I just wanted to run away and cry and never ever, EVER come back….

'Hermione Delacour, Eyevine C.E.O.'


	65. Love that Chocolate

Still September 7th

_**LXVII. **__Love that Chocolate_

_(Hermione's POV)_

It's good to be on top. To be in charge. To be appreciated, listened to, and practically worshipped in this industry. Success has just fallen into my lap, and I couldn't be happier. I have friends, money, status; what else could I want? A man, possibly. But there's no point in looking for one. No one can afford me.

I sat in _my _office, looking over Squall's outline of what he plans on doing for this upcoming project. The model he picked out is supposed to come in for an interview with me personally. A _surprise, _he said. Her presence will say enough as far as her résumé is concerned, apparently. I trust him, so it's fine.

I've felt oddly free over these past thirteen years. There is some huge gap in my life from about six years prior, but I don't think it matters. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. I admit, it scared me when I woke up one day around Christmas almost thirteen years ago to have Draco watching me. I almost hexed him, but he said I have amnesia so of course I wouldn't remember why he's taking care of me. Harry, Ron, George, Dominique, Giselle, and Antoinette are apparently my best friends. I do remember them. But I just have a feeling that there are two people missing from that group.

So…I'm not really too sure about this whole amnesia thing. Sometimes I get so confused about just who is missing in my life. There's an entire six year gap in my heart. It really bothers me…so much to the point where I was just wandering the streets one night in an odd stupor.

I met a woman named Josie Gonzalez that night. She's Mexican and Filipino, and she's very tall and pretty. About ten or so years younger than me. She gave me a shoulder to lean on, and she introduced me to all of her friends. We all hang out a lot. You know; dinners, casinos, clubs, parties, things like that. I don't really…agree with their views, though. They're insane homophobes, and I don't really understand why. But I guess it's fine. Being with them helps me to forget about whatever it is I've forgotten.

Being with Draco and everyone else makes me wonder about it far too much. I don't understand it.

I glanced at my watch; it was eleven 'o clock. That model is supposed to be here now. I clicked my tongue and kept looking at this outline, making a note to get in Squall's ass for trying to book a model who can't even get here on time. _Florence this year, New York the next. New York for the American coverage, Florence for the Latin influences. _For some reason, the mention of those two cities gave me a slight migraine. But it felt…good. I don't get it.

Tick tock, tick tock…where is this model? I pursed my lips and shook my head, but right before my watch turned to the next minute, there was a knock at the door. I rolled my eyes and kept my eyes on the report; how good of her to have such wonderful punctuality.

"Come in."

I flipped the page just as the door opened and kept my head bent down low. _Separate hotels, of course. I don't think we would want to crowd one building. The owners may get a little irked that paparazzi is infesting the place for the two of you. I won't mind staying with the model. You may stay elsewhere. _Her heels sounded very high and thin, and her pants swished with a strange air of familiarity. I didn't even have to look at her; I just _felt _her confident stride from the door and over to the chair in front of my desk.

I couldn't help swallowing while I tried to keep my eyes on this outline, hoping that she'd get the hint that I'm mad about her being a whole fifty-nine seconds late. There was some…burning force on my head while I kept pretending to read. I kept staring at the word _Vogue. _Vogue Magazine, obviously. But there was something else about it. I don't know.

My ears perked up at hearing her snort a little while she sat down and crossed her legs. All I could see were her black baggy pants, copper thigh high boots…and a white Prada back resting nicely on her lap. Those nails…so long. How does she manage them…? My heart beat was overpowering my hearing at that moment…

_When you're wiz me, oh 'Ermione, it's my 'eartbeat zat I 'ear…_

I sat up straight and felt my heart fly clear out of my chest and back again…over and over it did this and it would not slow down… Goose bumps attacked my head while I kept my eyesight on her nails…her nails that seemed like they belonged in my…my hair. Or lodged around a piece of…fruit. Fruit? What in Merlin's name am I on about?

I tried to not look surprised. I tried to keep my face hard. I glossed my eyesight over her baggy black pants stuffed inside her boots and observed her arms. She seems mildly toned for a woman. Almost like a soldier. Milky, smooth, skin-colored glass… Wait, what?

_This time I need a soldier. A really badass soldier that knows how to take, to take care of me. I'm so damn glad that's over…_

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on!

That shirt! That V neck! Why do I remember staring down her shirt like this? I did…so many years ago, didn't I? I ran my thumb along the band of my ring and felt those words that were engrained. I kept staring at her chest. _Trust. Me. Love. Me. _No…no…

I braved traveling up her slender neck, and…err. Slender? No! Her _neck _and…her hair. So full, and…messy in an…_attractive _way? Dirty blonde. Dirty…blonde…

_You make me a dirty blonde, 'Ermione. A very dirty one indeed…_

"Good morning, 'Ermione."

God…that voice…

_Your voice is like music to my ears…whisper softly and ze world just disappears…_

And I think it really…really was…

My eyes automatically darted to hers and it took everything I had to keep a straight face. But I felt my eyebrows burn clear off of my face from the look she was giving me. Simply…smoldering. My heart was still beating out of my chest and back again far too fast for my liking. This woman was not…normal.

I swallowed again but she didn't break her glare. Her eyes were so wide and narrow at the same time. The blue I saw was unlike any other. No one could ever replicate this color, not even in my memory. It was like the blue kept freezing me on the spot, her leer kept melting me, and her arms folded across her chest somehow managed to keep me together as some kind of strange muck in her strong arms…

_Ooh, ooh baby in your arms I finally breathe. Wrap me up in all your love, that's the oxygen I need!_

"G-good morning…?"

_You're fillin' me up, you're fillin' me up, you're fillin' me up, you're fillin' me up, you're fillin' me up, you're fillin' me up with your love…_

"Fleur. Fleur Delacour. Enchantée, Mademoiselle."

_You've got…something that I really want and, come here…we don't even have to talk and, lay back and let me tell you what I'm thinking…_

"N-nice to meet you too…Fleur…Dela…cour…"

'_Cause I like you…'cause I like you…_

Do I like her? But wait…

Delacour?

"Now that the formalities are out of the way, I take it you would like to see my portfolio? Time is ticking, and I am a very busy woman, as I'm sure you know."

"R-right…"

The way she stuck her chest out while she leaned forward to slip her portfolio on my desk should not have made me blush. But it did… I was glad for an excuse to not have to look at her anymore, even though I _wanted _to look at her. Still…the option of looking at all of her pictures didn't seem any better. Err...worse. No. I don't even know what I'm thinking anymore…

I opened the chocolate brown leather-bound book and not once did the steam leave my cheeks while I looked at…at Fleur's pictures. This woman is…beautiful. Like an…endless Amazon; pure and exquisite beauty and strength…

_I'm scared to death that I'll forget my love, but I won't forget you. I know that this will just be another reason for me to remember that I am devoted to you. If you can call me your wife, even if I don't remember at first, I _will _be moved by you…_

Her sculpted face, svelte body, outrageous curves, perfect eyebrows, heart-shaped lips…and this edge to her eyes… Every single picture of her in here is absolutely gorgeous and breath-taking. This is not a normal woman…

And why do I feel so turned on by her…? I've never felt this way about a woman before. Josie…she'd probably kill me if she found out. But I don't have to…tell her. No one has to know… I like this feeling, and she'd probably think me silly if she knew.

But why do I keep…hearing her voice in my head? And mine? Am I imagining things? Is it just a coincidence that we have the same last name? Is it a coincidence that we're both wearing wedding rings, I find her attractive, I have amnesia, she's confident as hell, and I'm a nervous wreck in a matter of seconds from her walking in my office? Just before, I was the haughtiest thing on the planet…

Is this a…a trick? She's not really married to me…

_A woman does this. So women must pay, am I right? Fleur will make women weep._

What? …no… No, impossible. Fleur's just…playing with me right now. Isn't she? _Isn't _she? I've forgotten about her because she broke my heart, didn't she?

Didn't she?

"Is there a problem, 'Ermione?"

"N-no…"

"Mmm. If you say so. You look rather warm. And a tad flustered. Do you not like what I 'ave?"

"Allofit'sbrilliant."

"I'm glad to 'ear it."

She did…no wonder I feel like this. What nerve! I cannot believe her. Now I remember. I was in love with her for years but she just kept teasing me. Miss Leonhart warned me not to chase her, but I did. Now she's finally back to start up what she didn't finish. She's married to someone else. A red head. I don't remember his name right now.

This is insane! Murder! How could she do this to me? And now of all times? Now that I need her for this project, and I _know _I'm not going to find any other woman who can ever dare to attest to her beauty… Ugh… But…hey. What's this?

I heard Fleur sigh deeply, albeit somewhat angrily, while I turned to one of her shots from December 2007. Squall photographed this, I can just tell. Black and white…right by a cliff over the ocean. Fleur and…another woman. Italian weaves…and…and…

No…clothes…

The other woman is me…

I swallowed again and crossed my legs for no reason in particular. _I _took pictures with Fleur? NAKED? Why do we look so relaxed? Like…like we knew each others' body in and out… B-but why don't I remember this? If ANYTHING, I would! What the hell?

Is Fleur a lesbian? Am I? Well obviously if I'm attracted to her…but…err… Didn't she kiss me twice in my life? Once…somewhere. The first time was…way back when we were kids. Water fountain?

Um…

"Are you done? I 'ave somewhere I need to be in twenty minutes."

"…you can go if you'd like."

Fleur stood up with her purse and flicked her hair expertly from her face while she practically slammed her portfolio shut. I jumped up a bit and stared at her with her arm erect on my desk, bent down to look me directly in the eye, giving me that same blazing look from before. I had a very vague feeling that I'm getting confused with my memories…

"And exactly when can I expect to 'ear from you again about this job?"

"Y-you're hired."

"Just like that? It seems rather unprofessional to me."

"You're well qualified…"

"Hmph. I assume I'm well qualified for _more _than just this job. For _you, _per'aps. Talk to Dorothy about my schedule."

Her emphasis was strangely…suspicious. I felt a lump in my throat that would not leave, no mater how many times I kept trying to swallow air. Fleur raised her eyebrow and chin while she tilted her head to one side. She looked so…angry. Like I did something to her…

But I didn't expect her to extend her free hand out to me at all. I took it reluctantly, and I almost jumped from the shock. I remember the feel of her hand in more than one place on my body… And I _know _I remember the feel of her gripping me as hard as she was clutching my hand. Only when I winced did she relax her grip and slowly scratch her long nails down my palm while she pulled away. But my fingers held on to hers and I felt myself pulling on them. She was pulling back, though. I think it was…almost paining her to do this…being so close to me.

I wanted her closer.

"D-do you _really _have somewhere to be in twenty minutes?"

"No. You just turned it into seventeen minutes, wasting my time like this."

"I'm your boss…so I'm telling you to stay."

"Why? You can't possibly have anything for me to do today. Now talk to Dorothy—"

"_Stay_, Fleur."

I don't know what came over me, but I gently prodded her arm loose to move the portfolio aside. She took the hint that I wanted her to sit on my desk, and she did so. There was something very…very familiar about this. I don't know…what it was…

But I really, really liked being this close to her. I brought her face as close to mine as possible and she did not pull away. I think I saw hurt in her eyes, though… I'm not sure how or why. I held her whole hand in mine instead of just her fingers and felt an instinct to move hers to my face. She put pressure on my jaw and cheek bone, and her hand was trembling.

Why…?

"Fleur…you…you mean something to me."

"I'm your model."

_The way you smile, the way you taste…you know I have an appetite for sexy things. All you do is look at me, it's a disgrace. What's running through my mind is you, up in my face…_

"No…no. Are you teasing me, Fleur?"

"If you only knew. Now really, I need to go. I 'ave fifteen minutes now."

"Wh-why are you so calm about this? Did you not see me staring at that picture of…of us?"

"I did."

"Why don't I remember taking it? Why don't I remember you? Why do you set me on fire like this, and yet I don't remember ever having you…?"

_Ooh, ooh baby touch me and I come alive… I can feel you on my lips, I can feel you deep inside…_

"Amnesia's a bitch, isn't it? Just. Like. You."

And as she said each word, her lips inched closer and closer to mine. I closed my eyes and leaned in, not caring about what she meant. Yes…yes I had amnesia. But I remember my love…I remember this dizziness she and she alone gives me. I've never…felt this way about anyone else… I'm positive.

But I kept leaning forward blindly…and yet I never met her lips. I ended up falling on my desk that did not have Fleur or her portfolio on top of it. I opened my eyes and blinked stupidly at her, but she just glared at me before putting on her sunglasses and swishing her hips around to make her leave. My eyes followed them from side to side, downright amazed at how her ass kept telling me no from how it kept moving like that. So…mocking. So…menacing.

Before the door even clicked shut, my mind was made up; I still wanted her, even if she was being a horrid coquette. I scrambled _over _my desk and ran after her, but she just shut the door and I ended up running into it instead of after her… there was no point in trying to open it, because I heard a loud pop right when I fell to the floor.

My hand that was over hers was balled up, and I slammed it on the floor while I frowned and sighed. I think I must have been sitting there for five minutes, just thinking. I cannot believe this. She's horrible! But so beautiful. So FAMILIAR! What is this?

What's with the voices and the flashbacks and this…this confusion? This lustful haze she gives me…the harsh glares. I did something to her, didn't I? Okay, so that's what I forgot. I did something to her. I just have this horrible feeling that I did… But what did I do? I need to know. I need to know… She must like me somehow. We took those pictures together. She looked like she was so at ease and happy to be in my arms…to be so close to me. I was starting to remember how it feels to be held by her, and _only _her…without clothes.

Fleur is the one I'm married to. I'm married to her! I wouldn't marry anyone else. I wouldn't coincidentally have her last name if I didn't feel this…this passion for her. She arouses me way too much for there to be any other explanation! I heard her voice. I remember the feel of her skin. I can't remember anything else about her… but still. I remember something!

"I remember! I remember, I remember, I remember—"

"Hermione, what on earth are you doing on the floor? And was that really Fleur in here?"

"ASTRID! I'm married to Fleur, right?"

"Um…"

"RIGHT!"

"Hermione, I think you need—"

"NO! Tell me I'm right!"

"…err…"

"ARGH!"

I threw my hands in the air and blinked when I felt a piece of paper float down on my nose. It must have been…in my hand. I picked it up from my nose and read it with trembling hands, positive that it was Fleur who wrote this…

_Meet me at Tifa's bar, 7th Heaven, in twenty. Or five, depending on how much time you wasted. I won't settle for anything less than punctuality from you, Mrs. Delacour._

_-Mr. Delacour._

"Um…we have that meeting now—"

I pushed past Astrid and ran down the hall, cursing myself for never having been to that place. I couldn't apparate there, but I knew where it was. It was too crowded out to just apparate somewhere nearby…ohh but what am I thinking?

I apparated to the parking structure and ran inside my blue Infiniti. I started it up with shaking hands and took off so fast that my tires screeched against the asphalt and echoed irritably in the dark building while I accelerated. I wasted too much time. This is what she was talking about. My mind was racing and my heart was still going off like mad, and I didn't care that she was being too incredibly sexy and evil. I was determined to chase after her and convince her that all is well, and that I'm sorry.

That, and I just…want her too bad. I wish my other memories would come back… I'm sick of the fake ones invading me. But…ohh, damnit!

"Fucking traffic!"

I slammed my hands against the steering wheel; people were already out and about on their lunch breaks. I should have known. Goddamnit! Fleur said to be on time! She's married to me! That's my damn husband for Chrissake…but these people don't know how to drive!

Why now?

Oh screw this!

I swerved through traffic and parked at an expired meter. I didn't care that it was expired; all I cared about was getting to Tifa's bar by the Eiffel tower. I could see it from here…

Oh goddamnit, I was wearing heels. I got my wand out from my slacks pocket and transfigured them into running shoes and fumbled out of my car. I hurried and locked it before taking off through the streets, ignoring everyone I kept bumping into because they didn't know how to get out of my damn way.

There was something strange about watching the tower in my sights while I kept pounding my legs against this sidewalk. Fleur had something to do with that tower… Lollygagging? Why am I thinking of lollygagging? I'm insane, I swear. But I don't give a damn. There was something familiar about not having any air in my lungs, and yet still going and going and going for…Fleur…

I ignored my pants and wheezes and the cars that threatened to run me over while I zipped through red lights. I pushed my jacket sleeve up and looked at my Armani watch; I had a grand total of one minute to get there. One bloody minute and I could barely see half the structure… Shit..

Ohhh why? Why, why, why! Why am I so head over heels for this woman? Why did I marry her? WHY don't I remember? I almost felt like crying, but I sped up anyway. I felt a beast ravaging inside of me for Fleur because I kept remembering more and more love for her after every passing millisecond while I kept jetting down this crowded street.

Damnit, this is hopeless! Argh…but why was I still running? I don't understand it… I don't understand love. I don't understand why I have amnesia. What did I do that was so damn horrible? My mind is spinning like a hurricane for her, but it actually feels good. A long lost feeling that I was probably damned to forget after all this time…

I didn't dare look at my watch when I finally saw the entire tower. Tifa's bar was right next to it, and I ran inside at full speed, only stopping when I ran right into Tifa herself who was holding a bunch of drinks in her arms. I…tackled…her? Glass and alcohol spilled everywhere and I tackled her to the floor like the klutz I am… I tried to apologize, but words failed me when I looked up and saw who was staring me down.

Fleur. Fleur was looking down at me with such scorn and disgust that I flinched. I felt embarrassed that she saw that… I felt embarrassed that I was being an embarrassment. Everyone was staring… I quickly got to my feet and stupidly ignored Tifa while I stepped over her and went to Fleur. But she took a step back and tapped her watch.

"You're fifty-nine seconds late."

I gaped at her and tried to say something, but she just shook her head and snorted at me. I recoiled my head and couldn't even think to scowl. Okay, so I was mad that _she _was fifty-nine seconds late today, but I didn't know it was _her _that I was supposed to be interviewing! Why is she so mean?

I guess it all has to do with what I did…

"Fleur you…you can't be serious… I _ran _all the way here—"

"You're not the only one running after someone, 'Ermione. Don't start. At any rate, you are late. Like I said, talk to Dorothy about my schedule and I will see you when I see you."

She tried to leave, but I automatically followed her. I stopped when she whipped around and leered at me. I tried to say something…anything coherent…

How the hell does she do this to me…?

"Y-you're my husband… You are. I believe you.. Now will you please talk to me? I know I was late but—"

"Quelle dommage."

And just like that, she was gone. I bit my quivering lip and watched her walk to her car parked just outside. She started it up and left without even looking at me. I'm an idiot for pissing her off all those years ago, whatever I did… That woman is too sexy, but she is married to me... I walked outside like a zombie and watched her drive off until her car was just a…tiny piece of chocolate.

A piece of chocolate with a milky, Fleur-flavored center…


	66. Looks Deceive

September 18th

_**LXVIII. **__Looks Deceive_

_(Fleur's POV)_

I was at my…err…_parents' _house that night, tending to them. Diana and Kenneth try to be modest and insist that they can get by on their own, but I feel obligated to cook and clean for them. Maybe it's because a small part of me misses doing this for Chanel regularly. I don't know.

I was just helping them upstairs to tuck them in, and Diana was of course laughing and calling me a sweetheart for holding onto both of them while I helped them. I suppose I also feel bad that I never got the chance to take care of my parents this way. Their deaths were so sudden. Ever since then, I've learned to not take Diana or Kenneth for granted.

My mind of course clicked back to Hermione just as I got them settled in their beds. I tend to look extremely sad whenever I think about her now. Of course Diana could tell. She always tells. I can't hide anything from her.

"Honey, sit down on the bed there and tell us what's wrong."

"Fine… I just… Remember that song you recommended to me? 'Boats and Birds' by Gregory and the Hawk?"

"Of course. It's such a lovely song, isn't it?"

"Yes…but I think it's brainwashed me."

"What do you mean?"

"A part of me doesn't want 'Ermione back in my life. She's perfectly happy the way she is now. She's…shining now. She's free now."

"Fleur, I think she would be ecstatic to see you again…"

"I work…for 'er."

"WHAT? Why didn't you say something? How long? When did this happen?"

"About two weeks ago, she 'ad to interview me personally. I 'aven't told anyone. I'm the main model for…'er company now. I 'ave a contract to be there for a photo shoot tomorrow. And tomorrow is 'er birthday…"

"Well…maybe now you won't have to just say happy birthday to her in your prayers anymore, Fleur…"

"…I guess."

"When do you have to be back there?"

"I don't 'ave to be back at headquarters at all. But we're scheduled to go to Florence for a follow-up runway in December. Chanel wants to come, but I 'aven't told 'er about 'Ermione. And then I don't 'ave to see 'er until the next December in…New York City."

"It'll be a good time to get them reunited, I'd think. But why do you think Hermione wouldn't be free or happy with you again?"

"She doesn't remember enough at this point…that much is obvious. Even if I tried to court 'er, I'm sure 'er stupid 'omophobic friends would chase 'er away from me. I'll bet you anything that they would."

"That doesn't mean you shouldn't try anyway…it'll make her feel that much more guilty when she remembers everything."

"But when…will that 'appen, Diana? I don't know, she doesn't know, you don't know. 'Ell, she doesn't even know about Chanel! All she knows is that we're married. She calls 'erself still being in love with me from the way she chased me on the day of my interview, but she 'asn't bothered to contact me since then."

"I don't think I would, either. You're pretty intimidating, and she's not even sure of anything yet."

"Intimidating…?"

"Fleur, honey, you're beautiful. Successful, charming, and cut-throat. Hermione doesn't have any clue that you're even willing to let her in by the way you sound. I mean…I admit, I'm still angry at her. She hasn't even said a word to Kenneth and I in nearly ten years. But even though she is my daughter, I don't let it bother me. I know she's struggling with herself. You need to help her."

"And 'ow am I supposed to do that if she's always with 'er stupid friends? Gabrielle 'ad to shelter 'erself from 'Ermione too because she didn't want 'er to remember me; you know 'ow much my sister looks like me."

"Since when are you afraid of anything when it comes to your _wife, _Mr. Delacour?"

"…I don't know. I suppose I'm still pissed off at 'er. And I'm mad that she 'asn't 'ad the decency to come 'elp take care of you or Kenneth."

"Don't be bitter, Fleur. It's seventeen years too late for bitterness. You've been in love with her for nearly twenty years. Now go after her."

"You can do it, sweetie," Kenneth told me. "Don't worry about how long it may take. Just follow your instincts. Okay?"

I just stood up and looked at my feet while I nodded. Diana made me go over to them so they could crush my bones with their usual hugs. But there was a small difference this time…

They didn't let me go for a long time that night until they fell asleep. I didn't want to move. I couldn't. I had my hand combed through my hair by my forehead. I gripped my scalp and thought about how Hermione was probably in my position once when she was a little girl. She still had parents who were alive, and I didn't… She had support from every corner in her life, and I'm the only one that has the power to rip her down to nothing if I just tell everyone that she's a lesbian.

I don't want to ruin her success, even if she was the one who stole everything from me to get where she is in the first place. I didn't want to knock her off her pedestal, because she's finally been able to out-do me like she'd been meaning to do over twenty years ago. I didn't want to be selfish and take her back if all she would be for me is someone who pines and chases after me because she's _attracted _to me. She's not…in love with me. Her memories are still gone, and I don't know how the hell to get them back…

I shut my eyes against Diana's shoulder and succumbed to the tingles in my throat and the stings in my eyes. I let myself cry all because I wanted her memories back more than anything… I didn't want her if she couldn't _remember _us. Our memories make our love strong…not lust, _attraction, _or even love.

And more than anything, I cried very hard that night because I know I'm going to end up chasing her anyway. I don't want to but I _need _her. I NEED her touch and her acceptance and her warmth in my arms and my mouth and just…all over. I may look like I don't want her, but I nearly cried when I disapparated from outside her office that day…

Now I couldn't hold it back. Now I know I have to keep my head screwed on and not give into temptation until I'm certain she remembers everything, no matter how badly I want her arms around me right now, just kissing everything away. God, I miss her…

I want _my wife _back… Not just _Hermione… _But my…wife…

Is that so much to ask for…?

* * *

September 19th

Hermione was watching me the entire time that afternoon during my shoot. Two hours, and not once did she move from her chair. Squall didn't talk to her to ask her what she was doing there. He didn't even tell her happy birthday. He says he's still angry at her.

And so am I.

But I wonder if she could tell that I know it's her birthday today? Forty-seven, and I'll be damned if she doesn't look a day over twenty. She doesn't even know why, I bet. She doesn't know why she still looks so beautiful. She doesn't know why her hair is still dark auburn brown with no strands of grey. No wrinkles, no blemishes, no health problems; nothing. And how does she thank me?

She's scowling at me. Hermione did not smile at me at all while I was busy working. Men's clothing, of course. Squall and I were chatting about whatever in between shots, I was running back and forth to the make up rooms to get changed and such, and not once did Hermione's eyes leave me. I tried to not pay her any attention, even though I felt…nervous. I felt nervous during a photo shoot for the first time in years, all because Hermione was scowling at me and refusing to move from where she was.

A senile part of me wondered if she sensed my weakness last night. I cried over her like the fool I am. But I don't look it. I don't look like I want her at all. I don't look at her at all to begin with. I guess her friends had a chat in front of her about how gays are so despicable, no doubt. If she really had any faith in me, she'd stop everything and take me now. She would have searched through the system and found my…our…address and paid me a visit. She would have done _something…_

Hermione won't chase after me anymore. I probably pissed her off. She's confused. I'm _intimidating. _She always expects people to chase after her…

And God knows I will.

She watches me pose and look fierce and contour my body. She watches me sit and stand and fold my arms. She watches me glare and leer and sneer at this camera lens. But she can't watch my heart break, and all the while she keeps scowling and fuming to make me feel even more broken. I keep getting flashbacks to when she'd abuse me. I'd been getting them a lot lately. Obvious reason as to why…

I tried to expel my nerves and imagine myself posing for her. She finds me attractive, doesn't she? Well, I don't find her attractive. She's merely the quintessence of everything that could ever turn me on and off and back on again with a simple flick of my switch…

And now she stood and walked directly next to the camera to be in my line of sight. Squall paid her no mind, but of course my eyes automatically darted to her. Not her eyes; I wasn't that bold. I chanced a glance at her hips and I slowly thrust into hers with my own with my hands on the back of my head. Squall seemed to like it.

I looked at her legs. I knelt down and imagined myself sliding down a pole like her smooth, endless legs under that skirt of hers. Squall liked this even more. I don't think he'd like it if I was imagining myself licking my way up her slender legs while I stuck my tongue and ass out while I made my way back up. And to think I actually looked her in the eye this time.

Hermione was blushing. Hmm… I really missed seeing her blush on an occasion like this…

I looked at her chest while I spun my body around, still looking at her over my shoulder. Does she remember our reception dance? Our first dance as wife and husband? My back was to her and I was moving my hips up and down against her, savoring the feel of her breasts up and down my back. And I did it again…

Even if she was ten feet away from me, I did it again. And again, and again, making her blush more and more every time…

And I wonder if she remembers the last time we went clubbing with everyone? I turned around to face her while I slowly knelt down again with my legs spread out as far as they would go. Like…a butterfly. Like her head was right in between me…

I hoped she didn't hear me moan…but at the same time, I did. I don't know…

Squall was nearly bouncing up and down with glee for how well the shots were going to turn out as I stood up. It was over. I couldn't dry hump her anymore from such a distance, but I guess it didn't matter. And I wasn't obliged to see her again for another three months, either. Maybe it'll give her time to remember.

I ran a hand through my hair and ruffled it while I kept my face hard and walked right past her with Squall. I didn't hear a word he was squealing to me at all about my newfound _energy…_

Hermione may have taken my energy away from me and then some by the way she looked at me with such hurt out of the corner of my eye. She doesn't know how to read me anymore. She doesn't…

And even though it just breaks my heart even more…I know I still want her. She's still desirable. She's still Hermione. I'm still vulnerable to her, even if I'm strutting away. I was still praying with a strained neck and stiff body that she would run after me…

But she didn't.

But I'll be damned if I don't run after _her…_


	67. Let Me, Tonight

September 19th

_**LXIX. **__Let Me, Tonight_

_(Hermione's POV)_

I sighed and ran a hand over my face when I got back home that evening. Draco wasn't home; the lights were still off. I leaned against the door and slid to the floor and just stayed there with my face on my knees. There is no denying how damn fast my heart is beating from this afternoon. Hell, just thinking about Fleur at any time makes me feel this way.

She's so hard to read…it's like she's telling me she still wants me, but she's obviously still pissed at me. I'm too proud to just go up to her and ask what I did. I can't. I refuse. She'd just laugh in my face or something. But I don't know…maybe she wouldn't. Maybe she would explain if I just asked her.

Josie and the others already suspect that Fleur's a lesbian, which she is. And so am I. But I can't find the courage to tell them this. I mean, it's possible that Fleur's just teasing me so I will admit everything to have the world laugh in my face. I don't know. I don't trust her. I don't know what to believe. It's bad enough that I got an insane parking ticket thanks to her the other day. Parking backwards at an expired meter, good grief…

This void in my heart depresses me so much sometimes that I can't see anything beyond this…black hole. So much pessimism and denial of myself. I'm denying who I am, what I want, and what I believe in. But I'm supposed to keep up this image. Of course I'd throw it all away if I knew Fleur was worth more than just her body or her sex. I don't know anything about her. I don't…and it's killing me that I don't…

I cried last night until the early hours of the morning today. I cried for the first time in years because I don't know who I am. I cried because a deep, burning part of me misses Fleur with everything I have. But there's another part of me that despises her. Miss Leonhart keeps popping into my thoughts. _Fleur will make women weep._ What if he really said that? What if my visions of chasing after Fleur in the rain that night with my suit on aren't just a nightmare…?

And I started crying again while I kept letting those images overtake me. Water fountains, Paradiso Perduto, gardens, fishing with Draco, chasing Fleur around in New York… but so many things don't make sense. Draco isn't my uncle. Antoinette is not my sister. But my parents are dead. They must be, because I don't know where they are. But I remember them so clearly… I don't know.

If Fleur is trying to torture me for whatever the hell I did, then she's winning. I'm dying here, shuddering within myself with no one here with me. I wish she were here, even though I hate her for punishing me for something I don't even know I did. She thinks it's okay to make women pay, so tack on another incentive to get back at me.

The worst part is, I know she knows it's my birthday today. And has anyone wished me a happy birthday…?

No…

And whose fault is that, Hermione? You're the one who's grown up to be so conniving and back-stabbing all because of a void in your heart. All because you forgot about Fleur…and now that she's back, she just seems to be around to cause more hell. I would have been just fine in my own little world if she didn't come back… sometimes I wish she wouldn't have ever agreed to that interview. I was still crying when I raised my head, but my tears stopped the second I looked around the room…

The entire house was filled to the brim with white roses, minus some space to allow for a walkway. White…roses… Bouquet? No…

I wiped my face and staggered to my feet. I walked through the endless field, trying to find a note in between smelling as many of them as I could. Tears slipped from the petals of my eyelashes and onto those of these…flowers. I was in awe while I saw them all shine in the bit of moonlight peeking through the windows, but I still wanted to cry. Who would be this nice to me? They were probably for Draco. I bet they were. My other friends are always doing nice things for him. I feel so…left out.

I followed the trail into my room and over to the dresser. There was one white rose with a very long stem lying right by the mirror. There was a Fleur de lis tied around it, along with a…note…

_I'm sorry, Hermione. Please let me take you out tonight. I need to…say a few things to you. I owe you that much, and you deserve it. I understand if you don't want to go, but I'm on my way regardless. Don't worry about dressing up or anything. Casual wear will do. I know exactly where to take you. I promise it won't be awkward._

_-Mr. Delacour._

Tears fell; sobs choked me, emotions spun through me… I nearly drenched the note with my tears while I held it in my trembling hands, reading it over and over again. She's leaving me no choice _but _to go if she's going to show up anyway…

Why am I so confused about her…?

* * *

About half an hour later, I found myself at the front door, staring at Fleur's old black and white Converse under slightly ripped black and silver jeans while she stood just outside. I haven't felt nervous in a situation like this in a very long time. I wasn't sure whether to hug her or just stand here and cry. I wasn't sure whether to scream at her or drag her in my room to have sex with her.

I wanted to do all four at the same time, actually…

I sighed and eventually looked up at her, and it took everything I had to not look down and start crying again; she had more white roses in her hands that practically blended into her fitting white shirt… The look in her eyes was so apologetic and empathetic that I honestly, truly wanted to break down right now. I was trembling; she knew I wanted to cry.

It really took everything I had to control myself when she got down on one knee and kept looking up at me like I was some…goddess or something. As if I'm really that important to her… No…

"'Ermione, please…I don't want you to cry. I've sat down and thought about the way I've been acting, and I apologize. So will you please take these as well and let me take you out for your special day?"

I bit my lip and nodded; what other choice did I have…? She handed me the roses and I hurried inside to place them in the vase with the rest of the flowers she gave me. I almost didn't want to leave. I wanted to drag her back inside. I don't know…

* * *

I hurried back outside and locked the door behind me, and she led me to the passenger's door of her car. It's very...luxurious. She opened the door for me and I got inside, trying to ignore how loud my insides were screaming to just hold her now and beg that she never let me go. She's such a…gentleman.

And I'm such a lost wreck without her. But I don't know…her motives. I don't know, I don't know…

It was tempting as hell to put my hand over hers. I didn't know they still made stick-shifts these days… I didn't know what else to do, and I had no idea what to say. She didn't either, apparently. I had no idea where she planned on taking me with me wearing the exact same thing as her. We're almost fifty years old and we still wear Converse… Draco would have a damn heart attack if he knew…

Thinking back to that day nearly two weeks ago was impossible to avoid. Her hand just felt like it belonged on me. But if she loved me so damn much, regardless of what I've done, she wouldn't be so cruel after all this time. I practically broke my neck to chase after her that day. And I almost broke my neck again while I resisted from tackling her down while she was working today.

I haven't remembered anything else. All I keep _remembering _is a very deep, powerful love for her. But at this point, it might as well be more of an old wound that never healed more than anything. I don't know who she is anymore. It's because I love her so much that I'm so angry at her right now. Regardless of what I've done, if she loved me so damn much, she would have done this a long time ago. Why did she abandon me? Did I abandon her? It happened for good reason, then… Maybe… I don't know.

I watched her fiddle around with her iPod on the charging station in between us while she stopped and parked at a cliff over looking the city. The far off street lights and brake lights and building lights everywhere were giving her too much of a familiar glow. Almost like the…moon was shining on her. My heart kept jumping around in my chest with some kind of familiar sugarcoated warmth while I looked at her. And I know I looked like I wanted to cry…

This song she picked out did not help at all…well…sort of… I just had no idea that she listened to R&B. Still, I like this song a lot… And she actually moved to straddle me in my seat… Her face was close to mine, but not so close that I had to cross my eyes to look in hers properly. Though, the look in her eyes was not apologetic or empathetic, even though I knew she saw the tears glistening in mine. I felt, saw, _believed _the absolute want and desire and need in her eyes. Impossible…

Was she seriously trying to…tell me something? And she was…singing…to me. Her voice was so soft and sexual and arousing that I couldn't help shuddering when she held my face in her hands. I put mine on her hips, all the while trying to figure out exactly how long it's been since I've felt this fleeting sensation in my stomach.

My God _she can sing_…

"All you 'ave to do is walk away and pass me by…_don't _acknowledge my smile…when I try to say 'ello…to you… And all you 'ave to do is not answer my calls when I'm trying to get through… Keep me wondering why…when all I can do is sigh… I just…want to touch you…"

Mmm…she moved one of her hands down to mine and had me slip it through her shirt. She kept inching it up, and I didn't dare pull away. I couldn't look away from her eyes, I couldn't blink, I couldn't breathe; I didn't want to move anything that wasn't in contact with her body.

Lack of trust and confusion flew out the damn window and her warmth under my palm kept prickling down my wrist, up my arms, just adding and adding to how much I knew I was blushing. I could see myself in her eyes… I could see myself being consumed with so much tenderness and a very familiar compassion in them. Electric blue, just like what she kept jolting through me at that moment…

"I just want to touch, and, kiss, and I wish that, I, could,_ be_ with _you_ tonight… You give me _butterflies_… inside, inside, and I… "

My eyes were glazed over; my stomach was flipping over and around and back again just like hers must have been… no one would be this romantic with me… No one but Fleur would know to massage my scalp with her free hand to make me relax. Goose bumps overtook my head while she clasped her hand in my own that I had under her shirt.

Butterflies…butterflies… She was giving me butterflies. She had her legs spread open to me, practically beckoning me forward earlier, like a butterfly…

And now my mind would _not _stop thinking about how badly I wanted to tackle her…like a football player…and just devour her sexy self right then…

"All I 'ave to say is that I must be dreaming; can't be real. You're not 'ere with me… Still, I can feel you near me…. I caress you; let you taste us, just so blissful listen… I would give you _anything_, baby… Just make my dreams come true… _Oh baby_, you give me butterflies…"

Her lips were right on my ear, gently moving up and down while she sang her sweet cadence right through me. I closed my eyes and subconsciously moved my neck as close to her as possible, still feeling completely at ease from the massaging. She took my hand from underneath her shirt and put it on her back, and slowly she slipped us down…but of course she wouldn't let me slip inside her jeans. Just over. But that in an of itself left just enough to the imagination…

Such a damn tease…

"I just want to touch, and, kiss, and I wish that, I, could, _be_ with_ you_ tonight… You give me _butterflies… _inside, inside, and I… "

My mind was going off while our breaths kept shaving themselves thin. Fantasies and…memories? Sex in a…park. A shower. On a couch. A bed, of course… A marble bar counter… And a thunderstorm. A bath.

Fleur knew my body too well, but I didn't know hers. Impossible…how could someone like _me _turn her on? Make her nervous? Have the privilege of making love to her? No… No… They were just dreams. Fantasies that I no doubt wanted to act on… But she wouldn't…let me…no…she's just teasing me right now…

Her lips moved from my ear to the corner of my mouth while she kept singing. Her voice soared across my face and made me steam even more. I opened my eyes to look in hers just under mine, and there was just so much love for me in them that it should have been criminal.

"If you would take my 'and…baby, I would show you… Guide you to the light, babe… If you would be my love, baby I will love you, love you… until the end of time…"

She kissed around my lips, so very _close _to my lips. My exhales shuddered while I kept my mouth parted, waiting for…something. The butterflies were fluttering and buzzing and smashing me inside, and her skin and mouth and hands so close to me kept doing the same to me on the outside. I groaned when she stopped massaging and put her palm on the back of my neck and inched down the back of my shirt.

I arched into her body to let her hand go as far as it could. All control over me was in her hands, her sweet breath, her divine voice…

"I just want to touch…and…kiss…and I wish that…I…could…_be _with _you…_tonight… You give me _butterflies… _inside, inside, and I…"

I slipped my hand down to her thigh and tried feebly to bring her closer… Closer… Something escaped my mouth when she stopped singing, but her lips refused to circle around mine to stop the quivering. The quivering that came from just wanting to _cry _because of how much of a turn on she is…

"Fleur… please…"

"Mmm… 'Ermione… Let me sweet talk to you, please… I've put this fantasy in the back of my mind for years…"

"…French." Just because I had a dream about someone whispering to me in French one night…but it couldn't have been her…

"Of course…"

God, her lips would not stop teasing me. I looked her directly in her eyes, still shining with love and arousal and yearning for…me… She kept kissing my face while she whispered huskily to me in between sharp breaths, never breaking eye contact with me, not even to blink.

I still couldn't believe it, though…

"Tes yeux, ton visage, ton corps, ton amour… j'en rêve jour et nuit. Tu es dans toutes mes pensées… Je respire l'odeur de ton arousal maintenant. Ta boule me manquée…

"Tu es ma meilleure amie aussi. Tu es pour moi la plus belle et sympathique et chère… J'veux t'baiser, 'Ermione. Ce soir… s'il te plaît… _s'il te plaît_…"

Fleur dreams of my eyes, my face, my body, my love every night and day… I'm always in her thoughts. She smells my…arousal right now. She's missed seeing my…sweet face.

I'm her best friend, too. I am, for her, the most beautiful and friendly and meaningful. She wants to…to… have sex with me. Tonight… Please, she says… _please…_

I didn't know what the hell to do. She was practically begging with her eyes. And yet she was such a gentleman to the point where she wasn't going to force herself on me. What if I said no? How would she react? How would she feel to do the chasing for once in her life?

_No longer will I stand for this injustice of the heart… I'm sick and tired of these games, just like my legs tire of running, but I want her so bad… I'll never catch up to her, but she keeps sucking me in…_

Revenge, perhaps…how about I make _her _weep?

"No, Fleur. No…"

To my surprise, she actually nodded and moved back to her seat. But it didn't feel good… I don't know what came over me just now. I felt horrible, all because she looked like she was going to cry right in front of me… she couldn't be serious…no…

I wasn't sure whether to stay or go. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if she wanted me to see her cry. I was scared that her pride would be broken or…something… So I tried to say something to make it look like I couldn't see her tears, even though I just wanted to hold onto her and never let her go…

"Well then, I'll see you in Florence… I'm sure you'll be very busy in the mean time. Until then."

I tried to memorize how she looked as she was one last time before taking a deep breath and disapparating away. And now that I was in my room, filled to the brim with the white of her apologies and…love, maybe… I just broke down like I'd been meaning to for ages… and if I didn't know any better, the sounds of her sobbing echoed in my ears from just before my body appeared back here…

"_So please do me a favor and never let go of it… I need you, I need you, I __need__ you… Never let me go, please… Please…"_

Fleur said that…didn't she? Didn't she? She did…she did… _Why _did I just pass up sex with her? Why? I'm an idiot! A confused idiot who can't make up my damn mind about whether she's just teasing me or if this is genuine. I'm torn, I don't know what to do, and yet a sick, horrible part of me revels in the possibility of her begging for me.

Kneeling at my feet, crying for forgiveness, chasing me down, loving me up again… I don't know when or why I became this cruel…

"_Fleur… God, Fleur…don't you dare stop…keep going… I trust you…"_

I threw myself on my bed and curled up while too many images of her fucking me flew into my mind. Rough, hard, fast, passionate, never ending… Moans, penetration, gasps, screams, pleasure-filled pain, and…my first time…

And I screamed and thrashed and jerked my hips because I felt it. I felt it… I _felt _every damn thing but it's just too late… I'm scared of myself. I'm scared, scared, scared to push her away even though half of me doesn't want to… even though I just want her here on top of me, doing so much more than my hand alone can do, it's impossible…

I would need a miracle to make my mind stop doing this… I would need something all too shocking and moving and earth-shattering to snap me out of this… Now Fleur hates me. She hates me. I hate myself…

And I hate how hard I keep crying right now… happy birthday to me, failure… I'm forty-seven and I don't…act like it… and yet Fleur would suggest that I do… What the hell is wrong with me…?


	68. La Documentaire

December 17th; Florence, Italy.

_**LXX. **__La Documentaire_

_(Chanel's POV)_

It felt strange to be in this hotel, lying here that night with Papa in my arms. It's usually the other way around, but she's the one with her head on my chest tonight. She's the one clinging onto me with a need that anyone would die to feel from her. My head was throbbing while we both lay on our sides, and even against this soft pillow, my pulsation was making a strand of my long bangs over my face quiver in time with my pulse. I stared at it, not the ornate wall some feet away, unable to blink because my thoughts hardened my eyelids. I focused hard on the sound of her breathing, just to calm myself to make sure that she wasn't trying to suffocate herself against me.

A pain was searing through my head because I haven't eaten. I haven't put anything in my mouth except for my tongue and my fist and my words every time I want to tell Papa that this isn't like her. Even Squall tried, but he resigned himself to going to his room across from us long ago.

She's asleep now, but ever since she came to visit me during Hogsmeade weekend a few months ago, she hasn't been the same. Even tonight, it took her hours to even close her eyes. She just laid there with me with her thumb in her mouth, giving me a thousand mile stare even though I'm so close to her now. I know she was deep in thought. I know she feels defeated. I know she probably wants to just give the air the finger and shout that the world should just go fuck itself. But she's still at it… she's not ready to die without reasonable doubt, and or because she's being denied because of how she loves. Who she loves, even… but she's going to keep going until they sign her death certificate, and then some.

The truth hurts; she's sunk like quicksand. But lies buried on top of truths that she so desperately wants to bring out just push her world down even more. And I bet wherever she gets sent out from the end of that cataract, she's going to stare up at the heavens and shout out that she still loves her. Earth-shattering love would scratch out of her tired throat, and it would shoot an earthquake strong enough to make her woman fall from her fake pedestal and go flying back into her arms. The silver wings of declarations, no false hope, true love; a burning love, would bring Hermione back.

But why can't _Hermione _bring Hermione back? Why does Papa have to work so damn hard to scream in Hermione's ears what she damn well knows already? Why does she have to go crawling to her like a worm just waiting to be stepped on, even though the earth and dirt all around her is just the magnanimous love from the memories they once shared? Why does she always look so hollow to the point where she wants to cry? Why now? After all this time, only after Papa sees her again she turns into a submissive dog for Hermione.

No matter how many times Papa goes crawling back to that bitch, she's just going to blow her off. Because Hermione's too stuck up, too scared to lose her image, too scared to just _believe _in the woman who's her husband, this cycle is just going to keep going on and on and on. A spiral of rejection and being born again with renewed hope in the form of my arms around her; that's all this is. She looks tough and imperturbable when she's at work, when Squall's taking her pictures. But in the dark, hidden away from everyone but her daughter, she doesn't lie to herself; to me.

But she and I are exactly alike. From our height, to the way we dress, to the way we act; we are exactly the same. I'm just not forty-nine, nor do I have blue eyes. But I wished I didn't have the eyes of the woman she's deathly in love with. I wish I didn't have the eyes of the woman who had to abandon us _because _she loved us too much. And now that she has the chance to start over from scratch, she refuses to let us back in her life. Hermione doesn't even know about me. She doesn't know that I'm in love with her, too. No one knows. I'm almost jealous of Papa sometimes, but you know what? I'm going to blow Hermione up if she doesn't get back to her senses soon. She doesn't deserve my father; she's a despicable, scary bitch.

I'll put her under the pavement and step on her if she does but one more thing to shatter the hope of the only one I trust with everything. I'll dig deep and expose her for the disgusting crow she is for just picking at worms and refusing to _eat _them. Tease 'em, tickle 'em, almost fuck 'em but really it's just so she can cackle and throw them even further away than before. And then she can fly away to be free, to shine, to have everything with all of the other _friends _she has in the sky, just spitting their waste down on the rest of us because it's the thing to do.

I'm sick of Hermione Granger. I'm sick of Hermione Delacour. I know she still loves Papa; they haven't gotten a divorce. Papa could hardly focus while she and Squall went on their project in Germany without Hermione. And even now that Hermione's just at the hotel two blocks down, she's that much more of a zombie.

Lovebirds and loveworms. Anyone would be quite fascinated to watch them struggle for survival, but this isn't just a fucking documentary; it's a matter of life or death for my father right now. Her heart can't just keep cracking and dying, then take another thirteen years to harden with the false glue of anger. If she dies too soon, I'm going to raise hell and kill someone, even if she is my mother.

I don't respect watching Papa chase after Hermione like she stole something from her from this hotel window. I don't respect seeing Hermione just ignore Papa like she's nothing. Like she isn't the most beautiful woman in this small universe, like she isn't worth her time, like Papa isn't the one who loved her enough to ignore this inevitable possibility and still slip that black rock on her debilitated finger. I'm sick of dreaming of Hermione's beautiful face every night. I'm sick of having nightmares of Papa sitting by herself in a white void, running her hand in a circle by her legs, promising Hermione that she'll run across the universe for her. Promises to run after the woman, assurance that she'll be her man until the very end and beyond; and even just a simple, love-filled 'I love you'.

I don't mind that it's my birthday and I'm spending it like this. I don't mind taking care of my father now because she doesn't know what to do with herself. Having her trust is the best birthday present she could ever give me. Of course she offered to take me out, but I refused; I didn't want to risk seeing Hermione. I don't want to meet her. I don't want to see her and feel my stomach flip and my heart ache for her because she's only my mother and that's all she'll ever be.

But I did follow her tonight. I followed her, because she followed Hermione, of course. I followed her to an empty park after her runway and saw her on her knees, clutching Hermione's legs in the pouring rain. She wailed harder and louder than any storms in the world combined, begging for Hermione back. Screaming, yelling, crying, choking, _dying _because Hermione takes pleasure in getting her so-called revenge. _Women must PAY, Fleur, _she'd say while she looked down at my father with such scorn and disdain. She's a lost fool, believing that dream to be reality. And to believe she had the nerve to kick Papa off of her like she was just some drunk bum begging for booze. But I saw Hermione's _friends _not too far off, hiding in the bushes and giggling. I know Hermione knew they were there. But she didn't see me, of course. She's blinded to anyone who's in love with her and prefers to have her status more than anything.

Goddamnit. If she loves Papa, nothing else should matter! Absolutely nothing would keep her world stable than to have genuine love, even if it is from a woman. But it's because it's from a woman that she should know it's genuine. Any man would probably just use her. Papa to her IS Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now. Hermione in her eyes is not a Wham, Bam, Thank You, Ma'am.

And now I can't sleep again because I'm letting Hermione win; I'm letting my hatred of her consume me. It's been exactly nineteen years since they've found some kind of peace, even if it was just for the moment.

A small measure of peace is better than nothing. But I'll give Hermione credit for not being wishy-washy in the way she treats her one true love. I'm just waiting for that day when she's the one yelling to the rain for Papa's forgiveness.

And even possibly mine. But Papa comes before me; that's the important thing.

* * *

December 18th

Only Squall was in the room when I opened my eyes the next day. But it felt like I barely closed them seconds ago, only to open them to a room full of sunlight. He was smiling a little, like he always does with me. I still can't remember the last time I smiled, though.

"Your dad's gone Hermione chasing again."

"Great."

"There's an equivalent of Diagon Alley here. And I know you said you've found a nice hustle at school. Why don't we go shopping for the day?"

"I guess. Whatever."

"I suggest wearing your dad's favorite outfit and sunglasses today."

"Why?"

"I want to do a little more than just shopping. Now come on, get dressed. I'll be in my room when you're done."

He nodded to me and closed my door as he left. I really just wanted to lay here and not do anything, but that wouldn't do me any good. I grumbled and got up to find the clothes and sunglasses Squall was talking about. Strangely enough, not even showering could wash away my irritation with everything.

Though, I still couldn't help but wonder what the hell Squall was talking about…

* * *

Florence's version of Diagon Alley, conveniently named Paradiso Perduto, was so much more glamorous and suited to my tastes than that old cobbled excuse for a Wizarding shopping center in London. And to think that there were actually good looking women here. A lot of them, men included, were ogling at me even under these huge sunglasses. I turned my iPod up a little more to tune out their babbling. I wondered if they thought I was my father.

But I found out that I can draw damn well one day in early September. I was bored out of my mind with Binns 'accidentally' lecturing about the same lesson as the previous day. I swear I should have purposely bombed that History of Magic O.W.L.; the class is so useless. But anyway, Cho's daughter I mentioned, Meg Kanazawa was sitting next to me. She whispered a little too loudly that my drawing was excellent. And what do you think I was drawing?

Hermione's face, just as I remember it from my dreams. Not on TV. Usually whenever I dream of her, she's either smiling or crying because I'm being indifferent with her. I just drew her with the same hard face that Papa and I have learned to keep on our heads. So I've been doing a lot of commissions, and I've made quite a bit of money. The entire school knows about my services, and I think I've made a lot of friends from it. But they're not my priority to care about right now.

Even though Papa tells me not to worry, I can't help _but _worry about her. She's spinning a web of her own demise at this point, and it scares me. Not nearly as much as these guys getting erections over a seventeen-year-old, but still.

"Let's go here! They have magical film devices and other things like that."

"Oh yeah, you're into that stuff, right?"

"Yep. I think they have something in here that'll pique your interest."

"Mhm."

I followed him into the huge studio-like building, and people were practically flocking to us, asking if we needed assistance. I let him handle it, since he's the adult, and I was a little too irked to say anything anyway. He led me around the store, showing me all of the devices and what they did. He helped to start this store, he said. I was impressed, and that's saying something.

But he claims that he and Draco are finished and they always will be. I don't believe him. Draco's a good-looking man, even if he is a little strange sometimes. Squall did help Papa the most to take care of me when Hermione left, but he moved to his own place once I started going to Hogwarts. I know he was involved in some shady things, and I think he's a real mafia man underneath the silky brown hair and pretty blue eyes. Something to keep in mind, I guess.

He eventually left me alone to talk to an old friend. Zell, I think his name is. He's a blonde, too. Very bouncy and hyper; I don't see how Squall stands him. I couldn't, so I decided to wander around the store on my own. People were saying something to me, but I couldn't hear them over the music. I don't think anyone would approve of the music I listen to. Well, maybe Draco. But what does it matter…

_Take your car and trade it in  
For eight three hundred C's  
If you cross my T  
I'll dot your eyes  
You'll do life in a cemetery  
I'll do mine with shine_

_Come home, sit on the throne  
with my legs crossed and my air force  
Middle finger up; fuck the world_

I swear if Hermione crosses me, I'll make sure to dot her eyes with tears for making Papa's life a living hell. Hermione doesn't deserve to be up on her throne with her _husband _begging under her crossed legs with Hermione practically shoving her middle finger in Papa's face. It should be the other way around.

_Until they sign my death certificate  
all eyes on me  
I'm still at it, illmatic  
and that's the documentary_

And that's when I found it. A documentary; I could make a documentary for Hermione and make her remember everything. I could film everything and make her see exactly what she's doing wrong. I could even put these sunglasses on and pretend to talk to her…maybe even get a few things off of my chest with this stupid crush.

It runs on water, or so says the label. Small enough to fit in the palm of my hand. Waterproof, time proof, fool proof. But I bet Hermione wouldn't want to watch it. This could be my Christmas present for the past seventeen years to Papa if I could get Hermione to remember. Just the thought of Papa having Hermione back actually made me….smile.

I had to try this.

* * *

Squall said he had some things to do today, and that he'd see me at the hotel later. Of course, he asked the usual 'do you have your phone and wand on you? You're _sure? _Okay!' I think he needs to be a father, too. I find it funny that out of our group, Papa's the only one who had a kid. I'm still 'the baby' to them. Even Diana still calls me baby sometimes. I just shake my head every time, but she means well.

So anyway, it was about six when I finally left Paradiso Perduto after figuring out from the clerk exactly how this thing works, and how to add special effects while I edit the clips. I got the wonderful idea to add in sentimental music just to make Hermione feel even worse. I'll just refer to it as la documentaire from now on.

I was wandering around, trying to find that river from Hermione's memory. I had nothing else to go off on about where they would be, because I know Papa is determined to follow that woman around wherever she goes. I had la documentaire in my hand, just sort of…talking to Hermione. I wasn't pretending to be Papa. That'll come later.

I didn't find them until the sun went down, and they were once again in that park. I focused on them with the device and said the right incantation to get it to zoom in on them. I found out from the clerk that I could plug it into my iPod to hear and see everything that they're saying with a projection into my head with my headphones. Squall's a genius to come up with something like this, I swear.

So I was just casually being inconspicuous, not looking at them while I kept filming. At least they were sitting on a bench and talking to each other. Hermione sounded very cross and jittery, and I know exactly why… the source itself just so happened to be approaching me.

It was a tall, tanned woman with a very goofy grin. The goofy grin made her look almost like a chipmunk, just barely, how her teeth were sticking out like that. Her hair was dark and long, just like the rims of her nerdy glasses. Those were in style like twenty years ago; where the hell is she at? But then again, these clothes say the same thing… but anyway, she's very pretty. And strange, because she motioned for me to sit on the grass with her. I did, trying to not look suspicious with my hand. I just folded it across my lap and let the camera focus on them. There was just the problem of la documentaire recording this woman's voice and their voices over there. It shouldn't be a problem, though.

"You're Chanel, yeah?"

"Yeah…who are you?"

"Josie, fool. Don't forget it."

"Whatever. What do you want?"

"You're Hermione's kid, aren't you?"

"Who wants to know?"

"We do."

"_We?"_

A few people came out from the bushes. Oh shit, these are Hermione's _friends… _Two guys and two girls came out and sat around me, but I could still record no problem. Besides, I knew how to fight; I could handle them if they tried to get in my face.

They all looked Italian to me. And they all looked irritable and angry, quite unlike Josie. But her exterior changed the second I thought that; she was glaring at me. I moved Papa's sunglasses on top of my head while I glared her down, and she flinched a little.

Hmph. Scary bitch.

"Martini, Indira, Jasmine, and Robert. And me, of course; we're Hermione's best buddies. We've been dying to meet you, just cuz she's never mentioned that she has a baby by that fool."

"Who's a fool? The hell are you talking about? And of course Hermione doesn't know about me."

"Pssh. Oh, she does. She's just ashamed of you. Having a kid with a female; the fuck kinda shit is that, you know? _I _wouldn't do that. And now your daddy's tryna get her back. I think it's funny. Don't you?"

"No."

She flinched again. Her friends looked at each other uncertainly, and I almost wanted to laugh; this is a real joke.

"W-well…you should tell your dad to stop. Hermione's straight. And if she tries to say otherwise, her career is over. Then where would she be? Begging on the streets and acting like a prostitute; you know your dad's just getting more and more delusional by the second. She won't take Hermione in. Hermione wouldn't ask her to, anyway."

"What does her sexuality have to do with her career?"

"There are just a lot of people in the world who would jump at the chance to get back at her if they had any small measure of justification. 'Ohh, Hermione Delacour's married to a woman? And they had a kid? Oh let's jump her and get her back for stepping all over us!' You know."

"Just like you?"

"Mmmaybe…but you'd be smart to keep it to yourself."

"The hell did she do to you?"

"She admitted to helping the bastard who killed my family out of death row. Seifer Almasy, I'm sure you know. Seifer's not around to save her this time. Besides, we would do it now, but it's fun to you know, mess with her. I'm sure you don't like her, either."

"I don't even know her."

"And if you want any chance at getting to know her if not in a fucken cemetery, you'll keep quiet. I'm only telling you this because I know you can get your crazy dad to leave her the hell alone. Hermione won't crack any time soon, cuz, you know, we're way more important to her than you and your dad."

"That much is obvious."

"Good. Well Chanel, it was nice meeting you. Tell your dad she's a loser, by the way."

Right when I saw an image of my head from the recording of Hermione walking away from Papa, my mind clicked and my fist went faster; I punched this chipmunk so hard that I broke her glasses and her nose. _No one _insults Papa and gets away with it, not even if they're surrounded by people who could very well hurt me. I wasn't thinking about the latter part, obviously…

Her friends tried to jump me, but I stood up and jumped right over Josie. I saw Papa running over to me, and I couldn't shut off the recording; I was too busy hating Hogwarts for not teaching us how to apparate yet…

"The fuck is wrong with you?"

"You're dead!"

"Son 'a two bitches!"

I froze mid-reach for my wand in my pocket right when they all whipped out theirs and started circling around me. Josie looked crazed as hell with blood all over her face, and she sure as hell was crazy if she was just waiting for a chance to kill Hermione all because she's in love with a woman. I stood my ground and glared at her just as Papa got to us and pointed her wand at Josie. Her friends backed off, but she did not. Hell, they even ran away, but she didn't.

All of this because of Hermione saving Seifer all of those years ago, even if he did get caught in the end? But that was just a dream. Something isn't making sense here…

"Josie, get the fuck away from my daughter… I'm not playing."

"But Chanel's my best buddy! I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't FUCK with me today, goddamnit! LEAVE!"

Josie flinched again and sneered at me before she was smart enough to disapparate. I sighed and kicked at the grass while I shook my hand out. Papa just stared at me, probably wondering why the hell I'm wearing her clothes.

But all she did was hold me and she disapparated with me back to our bed. And she didn't let go of me for a very long time, either. All the while, I kept wondering exactly what Hermione was saying to her, because my attention was focused on those weirdos who want to kill someone over a stupid grudge. Just _any _excuse, and they'll jump her…

And I think, for the first time in my life, I understood that the world truly is a bitch. Funny how I realize this right when I'm actually worried for my mother…

But there _is _a solution to this…in the mean time, I just need more footage. Squall would know what to do about Josie and her Pussycat Dolls who can't even stand up for themselves, wouldn't he?


	69. Lost and Delirious

February 17th, 2027; River Seine in Paris, France.

_**LXXI. **__Lost and Delirious_

_(Fleur's POV)_

Exhaustion. Madness. Sadness; I have it. Passion, memories, desire, fulfillment, and a fucking blatant ass truth that she still loves me; all of it is being denied by her and only dragging me further and further along this river. It's my guiding light in this dark night, but it's still my complete and utter demise in the form of a beautiful woman. I keep dragging my feet after this red lighthouse with its outrageous curves, sexy walk, voluptuous prizes, determination and denial…painted crimson with the lies she smears over me every time she lies.

Why do I keep going after someone who feels one way and acts another? But the way she's almost glowing makes me think her insides are screaming for me to keep chasing after her. It's been months and she still won't let me convince her of anything. It's been years since I've had her…

I don't mind that I can hear the cracks in my brain and see the sweat dribble down my nose. She still loves me, so I will keep chasing her. I feel like we're being followed, but I don't care. I still love her, so I'm going to keep walking after her in a slouch and a stupor and a struck dumb expression because there is nothing else to do…

_Something else _is a myth. My life is Hermione Delacour.

And now she stops just feet away from this landmark in our city of love. She refuses to look at me while I stop an inch behind her.. Things have been looking so dreary for the past six months, but I'm still after her. Down is the new up…

She faced me now. She turned to look up at me with the scowl that sears my heart and scars my mind, but I still revel in being able to receive. I get down on one knee because I want her to be above me. I look up at her, my goddess, my creator of insanity, my…everything… I adore her, I worship her, I need her…

Now here I am, practically lying in the reeds while she's perfectly able to step over me. But I will keep following her, and I will take advantage of every precious second of her attention she bestows upon me.

"Stand the varying shores of the world… oh 'Ermione….'Ermione, 'Ermione… My beloved…please…if I can't 'ave you, I'll call upon the sun to burn the 'ole sphere… 'Ow can nothing in nature change when such an extraordinarily _shattering _event 'appens? You…not being able to trust me, to love me, to 'ave me…

"Shall I abide in this dull world which in thy absence is no better than a sty? The crown of the earth doth _melt _and there is NOTHING left remarkable beneath the visiting moon…

"'Ermione, don't you see…? I 'ave such a love for you… a mad, _passionate _love that crosses _all _boundaries. I _know _you feel passion for me…_why _are you doing this to me…? To us, even…"

Her silence is more deadly than any weapon or word or wrong-doing. I staggered my eyesight down to her legs and nearly burned my arms while I held her. I held her to keep from falling down this pit without her. I wanted her with me, because she wasn't even trying to kick me off. She sometimes even forgets to scowl at me.

I've found myself living for those moments.

I kept hearing her voice in my head…her denial, saying that love is old. It's trite, boring, nonsensical and not worth her time. I keep hearing her say that I'm not right in the head. But she's left me with nothing but her refusal and defiance, so which direction _could _I be?

I've no direction without my wife.

I've nothing without her.

"Liar…liar…liar, 'Ermione…you're a liar. Liar, liar, 'ands on FIRE… STOP lying to me! You _know _what love is. It just…is… It just IS, and _nothing _you can say can make it go away… Because it IS the point of why you and I are 'ere… it is the _'ighest _point…"

The highest point…higher… I needed her higher…

My mind had a mind of its own; I merely closed my eyes and opened them again and she and I were at the top of the Eiffel tower. Of course she staggered, but I held her strong. She didn't say anything. She didn't scream at me. She didn't try to kick me off to kill me.

But I know I felt her trembling in my arms. I _know _I did. I'm not delusional; I FEEL her. I feel her…

"…and once you're up there, looking down at the world… You're there forever…because if you move…you'll fall…"

I held her tight and obliged my skin to devour the warmth of her thighs to ignore the biting wind. I shut my eyes against her and kissed her legs under her jeans in vain; I felt the spasms reverberate through my lips. I heard her choke a sob…

But she's up here with me now, and I refuse to let her go. I refuse to move. I want to be up here forever with her. Forever…

"…you'll fall, 'Ermione… But I would save you… I would. I will… You're my best friend, my love, my _everything… _Why won't you let me put an end to this…? You are the only person I will ever love… I'm choking on my own words to let them out, but I _know _you _feel _them if you can't 'ear me… But if I keep 'aving to do this, soon I won't be able to breathe anymore."

My breath trembled just as she did while I stood, still encircling her body in my arms. It's our anniversary and she still won't let me in… it's our _anniversary _and she's still confused, even with me looking deep into her eyes with my face over hers. She's trying to search the pools of my distress to save lies from its depths, but there _are _no lies in these tears…

Why doesn't she understand that..?

What is wrong with her?

Or is it me…? Am I not begging enough? Do I need to do more to please her? That must be it…

"Don't leave me in all this pain…don't leave me out in the rain… Come back and bring back my smile; come and take these tears away… I need your arms to 'old me now… the nights are so unkind… Bring back those nights when I 'eld you beside me…"

I begged with my tears drowning my eyes and face, but she refused to let my pleas overflow her. She wouldn't hold me, she wouldn't move, but she was still trembling. I know she wasn't cold; she was trembling because she wanted to be a pillar with me holding her, just envying her strength…

Well, I do… I do, I do, I do but I want to bask in the strength. Her glory, her wonders, her sex once more. But she won't…let me…

"Un-break my 'eart and say you love me again…un-do this 'urt you caused when you walked out the door and walked out of my life… un-cry these tears… God, I've cried so many nights… 'Ermione, please…_please… _I've been pleading for months… Why are you doing this to me?

"Don't leave me 'ere with these tears…kiss the pain away, please… I can't forget the day you first left, because time is just so unkind… and life is just as cruel without you beside me in my 'eart, body, and soul…not just physically…"

Her eyes finally glistened. Our chests were hitching against each other and I almost wanted to smile. I was getting somewhere… somewhere….

"'Ermione p-please…you know I wouldn't be begging for so long if I didn't honestly truly, _truly _love you… I swore to you, I _vowed _to you exactly eighteen years ago that I'd f-fight for you…but you're fighting AGAINST me… that's not…right… I'm crumbling right in front of you and y-you just…"

I shut my eyes while a wave of emotions swept over me and sent me staggering to my knees again. I held her in my limp arms, barely able to look up at her anymore. My jaw clenched, my teeth grit in desperation, my lips rested just in between her legs and I shut my eyes against her; I felt her hands on the back of my head, just beckoning me closer…closer…

But she was still so silent, even with the wind howling against us and the storm of my need and want and craving and…just…fucking EVERYTHING for her going and going and going… And yet I feared I could not some time soon if this kept up…

"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? WHY are you letting your nightmares overrule this what you see and feel and NEED in your 'eart? Stop…doing this to me…

"Come back and say you love me… Un-break my 'eart, sweet darling… without you I _just can't GO ON!"_

I let everything pour out of me and onto her sex that was so…forbidden. But so _mine… _Why does she let society rule her? Why won't she just rule me and still shout out to the world that she loves me…?

Not even me crying harder than I've ever cried in my nearly fifty long years could move her. Because Hermione is just such an imperturbable force that NO ONE can move, not even with true love… She's a force that no one could waver, no one could ever dare attest to, all because she is too powerful and divine and unattainable…

Not even I could dare move her with my waves of tears crashing against the sharp rocks of her defiance…and yet I kept crying anyway. I wailed and screamed at the top of my lungs that I love her, I love her, I LOVE HER… I didn't care if my throat was bleeding or if any part of me not in contact with her was frozen; I kept begging for her to warm me up. I begged and begged because I had nothing else to do. Not now, not ever…

My lungs were screaming for air, my chest was cracking for oxygen, but I couldn't stop crying; I couldn't stop loving my Hermione… my adorable, _adorable _sweet Hermione… Nothing else mattered; our surroundings were unimportant. The moon could keep shining down on us from such great heights and I would keep howling to the wind that she is my maiden and I am her dog…because that's all I am to her… But if that's what I am, then so be it…

And even now that I felt my tears subdue, I felt a different material against my knees that nearly bled from scraping against every ground imaginable after my Hermione. There was no biting cold; no moon on us.

I felt her try to kneel down, and I loosened my grip around her. I could barely keep my eyes open to look in hers while we were in this dark room. It was…_her _room… this room I got dressed in before our wedding… I knew there was something ominous about it that day… I _knew _it.

Hermione looked into my eyes with a burning compassion, but it all could have been distorted. My tears for her, of hope, of want… they were probably disfiguring her beautiful face into a look I wanted, _needed _to see. And even though we were alone, I still felt so surrounded. It was an irritating feeling that I couldn't shake ever since December, but it mattered not. Hermione was trying to tell me something with her eyes.

Our lips were so close; I haven't kissed her in years… I needed to. I just _had _to press my entire face against hers before me and breathe in the scent of her true desires in one last breath. I kept sucking on her beauties for a drop of power and lust that I wished she could leak from her presence alone, but it couldn't. It could never be. Only the feel of her _kissing me back _could do this… it's been so long…so long since I've felt this manifestation inside of me for her, _with _her that I'd nearly gone delirious and could barely savor the moment. The taste and feel and smell of her supple saltwater lips, tainted with my weaknesses…

My weaknesses for her, though…for her…for Hermione… Hermione, Hermione, _Hermione…_

I moved my hands to her face, but she clasped them in her own before I could warm my freezing palms with the warmth of her confusion. She moved my hands to my sides and let them go, but I kept a grip on one of hers while she made to stand up. I gripped it more and more while I kept slowly inching to the floor underneath me, and she kept inching away from me with no intention of bringing me on the bed with her… so damn cruel…

Such a fucking tease…

I squeezed her fingers to death that were still enclosed in my own. My hand trembled and I bowed my head to the floor, shutting my eyes while I kept curling my head down in hopes of bringing her closer…closer… but I was weak with weakness. Hermione was not, because she was…_not._

And just like that, she was gone from me and away. But still so close. Too far away at the same time, though… I was on my knees with my head still curled down, biting back sobs, whispering please, please, _please, _Hermione, _please… _My nails tangled themselves in my hair over my neck, gripping it because Hermione refused to do it while I pleased her. My body shuddered because I heard her snuggle into her bed under the duvet without me. Without me… without you, I just can't…go on…

My body was dragged out of her room by a strange force; hands. Familiar hands, but not Hermione's hands. Her door closed in front of me and I was still knelt down just in front of it, scratching down the surface like a dying animal. A man's voice cracked in my ears and I snapped my head around to glare at the sex who could be with her without ruining her _image…_

Draco… Draco Malfoy. He was looking down at me with so much fear and _sympathy _that my tears hardened into anger around my eyes and face. I stood up and shook my aching head while I looked at the mirror on the wall.

Mirror… mirror… a mirror of my delusion; that was what I saw. I walked over to it with a vengeance written all over my face in the form of dabs of toughened weaknesses. My gaze was sharp against myself, almost pitying myself because I keep running after this woman who acts like she does not want me. But she's painted with all of her lies… she's just making me hate her more and more but I always crumble to my knees whenever I'm near her. I can't fight the urge to chase after her. I can't…

I hate who I see. I hate my reflection. I hate myself. I hate, hate, HATE being a…woman…

My hands moved to the edges of the mirror and lifted it from the wall. My feet walked back over to Hermione's door while I kept despising this…image…of a woman who cannot have what she NEEDS just because of WHO she is.

The ultimate denial; the ultimate refusal.

My mind was broken just like this mirror. Hope for Hermione was shattered to a thousand pieces, just like the ones she sent flying at me seventeen years ago and this empty frame I sent from my hands and flying to the floor. But my image was not broken at my feet; I still saw myself in them. The noise of the breaking did not phase me; the fear of the man behind me did. A man, a man, a MAN who COULD be with Hermione, but wasn't. He wasn't…

But I could be. I could be… I am hers but she is not mine… I refuse to stand for this…this injustice…

I picked up a large shard from the floor and turned to face Draco. I stepped over the rest and handed the glass to him, balling my hair in my hands and trying to keep my lip from quivering. If I couldn't be myself to have Hermione once more, then so be it…

"Cut off my 'air."

"Why…?"

"I 'ave nothing to lose now… I'm going to war…"

"Wh-what? Fleur, you—"

"Come ON!"

"Is this…for Hermione?"

"Just cut OFF my 'AIR, Draco!"

"…she wants a guy, Fleur…not a woman with hacked hair—"

"What the FUCK do you know?"

I let go of my hair to ball his collar in my arms before I shoved him to the floor because I couldn't control myself. But the sound of his collision against the carpet and his whimpering made me snap again, and I held my hands out and softened my expression. Breaths that I'd been holding in came out while I breathed my apologies to him and he scrambled to his feet. I balled the end of my shirt in my hands and pulled at it and picked it while I fidgeted and fished for something…anything else to say…

"I'm sorry, Draco.. I just… I just 'ave to get 'er back…"

My lips kept quivering again and I held back my tears. Hermione could hear me…she could hear me, I know she could…

"Fleur…_listen _to me…it's been months.. Hermione obviously isn't a lesbian anymore, so you should just…just forget about her. Okay?"

Did he really…say that? Even with the fear oozing from his face, he still said it. I let my face relax in a stupor of near disbelief while I kept replaying his…_word _choice in my head…

I had a feeling that he didn't _want _to tell me this, though…like he was just…acting…for a movie, or something…

But then again, what did I know? What did I know if I didn't have Hermione's approval wrapped in my arms and around my approval for her…?

"Lesbian…?" I took a step closer to him and he took a very small one back. I kept fidgeting with my shirt and felt my voice rise little by little as I spoke almost incredulously with a laugh to go with it. "Lesbian, are you _fucking _kidding me, you think I'm a _lesbian?"_

"Y-you're a woman in love with a woman, aren't you…?"

"No…!"

I stood my ground and stopped right by one of his chairs and a table with china on it. I cradled an arm at my waist with my palm up while I spoke, slamming the back of my hand against it to sound empowered. To sound vehement, adamant, _passionate… _even if part of my voice still rung and echoed with my need to just…break down and sob…

To sound chauvinistic for my woman…

"I'm _Fleur _in love…with 'Ermione…! _Remember? _And 'Ermioine IS… She IS _in love with ME _because… SHE is MINE… And _I am HERS… _And NEITHER of us are LESBIANS!"

My arms and hands slammed to the side and knock over and broke the china at my side like the whirlwind I feel in my heart for Hermione.. My teeth were clenched, my heart was clenched, my very BEING was clenched and constricted and pulsing and crying out like my pained hands…

WHY is Hermione being such a goddamn tease? Why! I threw myself in the chair against the wall and ignored Draco's fear of me while I shut my eyes. My body was slouched, arched out like I was just _begging _to be underneath her…but I couldn't…she wouldn't let me, and I don't…know…why….

I bit back my tears and shoved the back of the chair against the wall while I jerked my body up against it in irritation. My hands burned my scalp while I ran through it, and kept my teeth clenched but my lips would _not _stop quivering… A hand moved from my _hair _to slide down my shame-filled face while I let my other arm stay limp over my waist, completely in disbelief that Hermione would do this to me…why…why…

Why can't she muster the courage to tell the world to fuck off so she could be happy with me…?

If she couldn't find the courage within herself, then I just needed to keep pounding it into her with my perseverance… my defiance to have her in my arms without fears because I know I could keep them all away from her. A second chance, perhaps…

A chance I failed at with my own daughter… _our _daughter…

I scrambled to my feet and stood at her door, nearly leaning on it while I kept my elbows and forearms against it. My fists were balled and my face was plastered on the surface, facing the direction where I knew her bed lay. Or maybe she was on the door like me, just listening…

She still _listens _to me… I know she loves my voice and my declarations… I know she does…

"I will make me a willow cabin at your gate…and call upon my _soul _within the 'ouse… I will write loyal cantons of condemned love and sing them loud even in the dead of night… I will 'allow your name to the reverberate 'ills… and make babbling gossip of the air _cry out _'Ermione…!"

I felt my body being pulled back, but her door opened. I saw her just barely poke her head out, but my head was swimming with an orgasm that was not normal. Just to see her, even with Draco holding me down, made me want to moan and glare shards at her at the same time. Because she had this…this POWER over me…

My reflection kept berating me in the china in a large row of shelves against the wall. A bookcase of reflections. But Hermione kept looking at me with bloodshot eyes and a quivering lip. She edged out from her room and stepped upon the shards without flinching. But I still heard a fog in my head. A tune of demise and despise and derise…

My breaths grew shallow while I let the false sounds of her laughter ring in my head. Or was she really laughing? Was she really grinning at me? My tears were making her distorted, weren't they? She was laughing in my face…she was laughing…

Laughingstock…

"Go a'ead…laugh, it's okay… If you want to laugh, laugh. What's so funny?"

I broke Draco from me and held my ground on my own with my fists clenched at my sides. My voice sounded so distant, even with her inching closer to me. My eyes were showing me that she looked petrified, but my _mind _was showing me that she was…cackling at me…

My legs went over to her stupid bookshelf of china while my eyes went out of focus, but I still kept looking at her. Her desirable, _lustrous _body that did not belong to me…

But it did…it did… My hands slowly moving to this…bookshelf…they know her body inside and out…

"I know it! I'm funny…! HAAA HA HA! HA HA HA HAAA! HAAA HAAA! HAA HAA HA HAAAAA HA HAAAAAA!"

And, in my mind, in slow motion, downwards went the china and the cabinet and the WHATEVER the hell they were right in front of my feet, stopping her in her frightened tracks, all the while making my eyes sting and burn and fry with tears of…delusion…

I let the tears burn me because I wanted her hands to burn down my body instead. I sobbed and wailed because I wanted to hear her cry and scream and shout and moan with pleasure and arousal from ME… Because _I _am the only one who could ever please her so! NO ONE ELSE! But she doesn't want to fucking believe that…

Because she doesn't…remember anything… nothing at all…nothing, nothing, nothing…

"'Ermione, you…y-you made me a promise eighteen years ago… You promised me that you would return to me… I asked you before over and over but I am going to ask you again now… Meet me…at our lighthouse…please… I'm going insane without you, don't you see…?

"B-but you cannot refuse me anymore… I'm going to drive myself crazy, and at this point, it's not that far away… I _need _you to meet me at our port…in Otaru… I don't know 'ow but I will make everything better… _Please _'Ermione… on that same day, March eleventh, I _need _you to meet me there… I'm so tired of this…"

Her head nodded to me. She told me yes. She told me yes…she promised… She promised she would… I calmed my breaths and willed my body to sigh while I nodded back. All I could do was mouth a thank you before disapparating from her and Draco.

I don't know how…but I will get her to remember… I _will…_


	70. Let Me Think About It

March 10th

_**LXXIII. **__Let Me Think About It_

_(Hermione's POV)_

Smoke and laughter and banter and slander floated around my face in my hand while I sat in this establishment with my so-called friends. My incessant wondering about Fleur, and the recollection of the last night we saw each other gave me a hard thousand mile stare that I know wouldn't ever reach its destination. I wanted to be out of here; I know these people really aren't my friends. I know they're talking up a storm of shit about homosexuals to rile me up.

I know they know I'm married to Fleur. It's just so damn obvious from the way they're insulting _us _without even saying our names.

But isn't it just so funny how I realize that I can't do anything right at the most opportune moments? I tried to get Fleur to fall out of love with me, but the more I tried to push her away, the more she came crawling back to me with that much more love. I feel like I don't deserve her. There's nothing she can do to make me remember anything else…there's nothing _no one _can do to make me remember anything at all. I feel like I'm lost in a daze and not even Fleur's romantic declarations can save me.

I don't know why I'm still sitting at this table with Josie and everyone else. I haven't eaten; they know why. I haven't even acknowledged to them that I'm pissed that they're making crude jokes about lesbians now. But what the hell does it matter? Squall and everyone else seem to hate me. Draco doesn't. But everyone else does. I don't have anyone in this world. Fleur…she's… I just don't feel right, knowing that she's nearly killing herself to get me back in her life. Things will never go back to the way they were, however they were. I wish I knew, I wish I could remember, but I can't.

Fleur deserves so much better than me. Fleur is too beautiful and amazing and extraordinary to waste herself away over stupid me. She's miserable now because of me. I wish she'd just move on. I don't want to weight her down with my insecurities, because I no longer know how to love her the way she deserves to be loved anymore. I don't, I don't, I _don't _and she just doesn't understand that! She can't accept that I can't just _tell _her she's too good for me, I'm not and will never be good enough for her, and to move on! Why is she so obsessed with me? Why am I not obsessed with her if she loves me so much? I don't have even less than a miniscule fraction of the love that I know I should feel for her if we're married. I'm worthless. I'm nothing compared to her... And yet she keeps trying to convince me otherwise. She's going insane because I don't remember anything; I'm not reciprocating anything…

I don't know what to do. I made that promise that I'd meet her in Japan tomorrow. I _remember _making the promise eighteen years ago. But I don't even remember our wedding or the rest of our honeymoon or…anything. I don't…

She's just giving me more holes in my heart that neither my mind nor she can ever hope to fill. It's maddening beyond belief… I just don't know what to do…

* * *

And now I'm home alone again. I'm lying on my bed, in my dark room, sulking, again. I always, always do this. It's been like this ever since my damn birthday. I could go off on the tangent that she's probably just messing with my mind, but that's not it. She wouldn't have acted out to such an extreme the way she did that night. She wouldn't have crawled after me for all of those months. It's probably killing her to not come back here and do whatever she has in mind to do early.

How the hell would she know how to make me remember everything? It's impossible. It's also impossible for me to get out of this state of depression. I feel like _dying _because Fleur was, _is, _and probably always will be the staple of my life. She is the epitome of everything, good and bad, she _is…_

And I am in love with her…but I just feel so inferior to her. I don't know why she's still after me. She shouldn't be. There are loads of better people out there for her than me. I'm the one who thought it amusing to mess with her mind, all to get back at her for something I thought she did to me in a damn _dream…_

Dream… Dreams for sale… KELLY! That woman! Security my ass; these nightmares have done nothing but hinder Fleur's efforts to get me to remember everything! Oh, where is she? Saint… Saint something… Ohhh…

* * *

I stormed through the hospital, ignoring everyone who was eyeing me like I was some deranged lunatic. WELL, I might as well be! Shit! And where the hell is this wench?

Just as I thought that, I saw her just around the corner. She approached me with that toothy smile I remember from so many years ago and tried to greet and hug me, but I kept my distance and shook my head. And to my greater surprise, she didn't look the least bit upset that I did that. What the hell?

"Kelly…what the hell did you mean…when you gave Fleur and I that last dream eighteen years ago? Security? I've been doing nothing but remembering falsities over these months! It REALLY doesn't help that I don't even remember anything about Fleur to begin with besides the OBVIOUS fact that I'm madly in love with her! Do you know how DEPRESSED I've been because I can't remember a goddamn thing about my husband? Hell, she's probably even worse off than I AM! And another thing…!"

I kept going on and on even with her smiling at passerby while she ushered me in an empty room. My hands were flailing wildly around my head while I tried to slap some sense into her vicinity, but she just closed the door, turned the lights on, and waited patiently for me to shut up. Astonishingly, I shut up rather quickly because I felt like an idiot.

There's no point in ranting and raving when your words aren't even budging the recipient's stupid smile…

"…so can you just tell me why you gave me that dream?"

"Glad to see you've calmed down. Now which dream was it again?" I think my eye and temple twitched at the same time when she asked me that.

"You know, the one about Paradiso Perduto, and me saving that man but him getting caught in the end anyway, and me chasing Fleur around New York and—"

"Ohhh that one! Silly me, I gave you the wrong vial!"

Kelly's laughter rung like a funeral march in my hollow head while I gaped at her. This isn't…possible. This isn't happening… I cannot BELIEVE this woman quite possibly screwed up my life, and she's just standing here, LAUGHING at me!

I balled my fists and felt my arms trembling while I tried to keep calm, but the harder I tried, the more I just wanted to yell my lungs out that this woman is a complete bitch!

And if I didn't know any better, I got a strange vision of doing this nearly twenty years ago, except I was staring out my upstairs window, down at a black Mercedes…

"Will you stop LAUGHING AT ME? ONLY FLEUR CAN DO THAT!"

I slapped my hands over my mouth while she just calmed down and kept smiling at me. A groan blew my hands from my face and I let them hang awkwardly at my sides. So she gave me the wrong dream. Okay. But wait a minute!

"Didn't you say you only had one more…?"

"Hm? Oh. No, no, honey. I lied to you. Funny what a little white lie can turn into almost twenty years later. I knew you'd come storming back here, trying to get answers out of me."

"…why did you lie to me? Why? I trusted you."

"You trust a random woman you met in a booth who just so happened to fix your tumbling love life with ol' Fleur? All I did was sing you a song and give you dreams. You could have fixed your relationship on your own, but you chose to use my help. So you use the excuse that 'I helped you' as reasoning to trust me?"

"…well, you didn't poison us."

"Hm, no, not in that sense."

"What?"

"Hermione, my potions don't always have the same intended effect. The first two I gave y'all brought you together, sure. The second one I gave you did not tear you apart. It did keep you together, even though you don't think so. The aftereffects should be wearing off about now."

"What…aftereffects?"

"You have to keep _thinking about _whether Fleur's really not trying to mess with your head right now, don'tcha?"

"To some extent, yes…"

"And you haven't remembered a damn thing about your time together? Or, not a lot, I should say."

"You're right…"

"Well, a tiny aftereffect of that dream I gave you was that all of your memories would transfer to whoever was inside of you at the time of the dream."

"Huh? Wh-what do you mean _inside of me?"_

"Oh, you'll remember in due time. At any rate, you will remember things as long as you can _see _them somehow. The barrier should fade right about now."

"How do you know this…?"

"Ah, ah, ah – the mad scientist needs to have her secrets, m'dear! You're such a wonderful little experiment, Hermione. A wonderful little mouse you are…"

"What are you—"

"The Butterfly Effect."

"What?"

"Have you seen that movie? The Butterfly Effect?"

"…no."

"Well, the kid in the movie, Evan, has memory problems, too. He remembers what he wants to remember, and if he just reads his old journals, he can enter them and change the events of the past."

"You really expect me to change the past…? What? Why?"

"No, no, honey! I'm just saying that you mumbled something about how you and Fleur wrote everything down when you were together."

"We…did?"

"Yes. I bet you anything she has your journals. Wrapped up in a…box…maybe? Don't you remember any allusions to green butterflies in your dream? In your life as it is now? Or your friends?"

"…what?"

"Fine, maybe not. But the barrier is gone. Watch your nose."

"Huh…?"

Kelly moved her mouth to my ear and I felt my body go rigid. My nose cartilage felt like it was cracking and I winced automatically. My mouth widened and I shut my eyes while I feebly tried to call out, but hardly any sound cracked out of my throat. And she was just…whispering that it would be over soon. Soon…

Why did she put me through this in the first place…?

"It's like you're a drug…it's like you're a demon I can't face down; it's like I'm stuck… it's like I'm running from you all the time. And I know, I, let, you, have all the power; it's like the only company I seek is misery all around…"

I felt something drip from my nose but I felt something _else _rubbing in between my legs. Inch-long nails and familiar digits that should and do and will always belong right here in between me. My legs felt like they were running clear out the room, but damn near everything I've been feeling ever since Fleur came back into my life kept consuming me.

My mind was running and spinning and twirling and jumping with every _thought _that I made myself think, or let myself think, or refused to think or believe or see because of whatever stupid reasons. Let Fleur in, push Fleur out; shove her pride down her throat, let her shove her hand up me instead. Let her run after me, don't run after her; enjoy her torment, feel bad for enjoying it.

What…?

"It's like you're a leech…sucking the life from me; it's like I can't breathe without you inside of me… and I know, I, let, you, have all the power; and I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time…"

My throat constricted around the cries I wanted to let out because I felt something breaking inside of me. This… barrier. It was breaking. I. Could. Not. Breathe…

And yet I felt those nails and fingers push harder and faster in between my legs… I swear I felt like screaming from how good it felt, but I couldn't. I couldn't do anything but think about how _stupid _I am for doing this to Fleur… I felt so horrible about the pain I know I put her through. Everything broke through me like a thousand shards of broken.. glass. Or ice...

"It's like I can't I breathe! It's like I can't see anything! Nothing but _you_…I'm addicted to you! It's like I can't think…without you interrupting me; in my thoughts, in my dreams…you've taken over me! It's like I'm not me…it's like I'm not me…"

Everything went pitch black and I wanted to scream; I kept thinking and thinking about Fleur's body filling my senses, her natural glow giving me all the light I'd ever need, and her hand just continuously pleasing me and pleasing me and pleasing me because there was _nothing else to do. _My life revolves around Fleur; I can't breathe or see or think anything that is not her. I can't, I can't, I can't…

But why can't I _remember _our damn time together? Why? What the hell is wrong with me?

"I'm hooked on you; I need a fix, I can't take it. Just one more hit I promise I can deal with it. I'll handle it, quit it; just one more time then that's it. Just a little bit more to get me through this…"

I felt my body lurch forward and nearly shoot through the ceiling like I had been lying down before, even though I know I was standing up. I was panting and heaving and I felt something so _familiar _and safe and so fucking _arousing _shoot through my legs and finally make a cry rip from my throat. I wanted more, more, more… I know it was Fleur. It had to be Fleur… Oh my God…

She loves me. Fleur really, really loves me. The barrier of self-doubt and pity and remorse is gone. Fleur Delacour is my husband. She loves me. She loves me she loves me she loves me she loves meshe loves meshe loves …

"Hermione…?"

My body was on the floor, and I know I felt like I just had a seizure or something, but I remember, full-blown, just how much I love her. The scars were open and fresh again, and I squirmed with joy and pleasure that they finally showed themselves to me again after all these years! Whatever I felt in my office all those months ago was just lust, probably from her thrall no doubt. I'm not mindless like I was that morning. I'm not insane or googly-eyed or incoherent anymore! Fleur actually loves ME!

I just barely saw Kelly flick her wand at me to clean me up, but I had already hopped up before I knew it and kissed her twice on the cheek before dashing out the door with the broadest smile on my face. People were staring while I ran out of that hospital and into the night, straight to the Ministry to get a portkey right away. I could have apparated there, but this is so much more…familiar.

This pounding in my heart; the warmth and the relaxation it's exuding cannot just come from a lust-filled haze of false love for someone. I remember feeling these sensations. I remember pounding my feet against pavement and hardwood and carpet and snow and rain after my Fleur. I remember doing it, but I don't remember where and why specifically, but that's okay! We wrote everything down! We did! She _will _help me remember! I trust her!

And now I don't have to think about anything anymore! I'm done sulking, I'm done being in denial, I'm done doubting myself! I love her! I LOVE HER!

"I! LOVE! FLEUR DELACOUR! DO YOU HEAR ME, PARIS? _**I FUCKING LOVE HER!"**_

My laughter rang across the city and I kept running with arms wide open like a madwoman, but I didn't care. It should have been a disgrace, but Fleur was running through my mind…in my face…

She touched me and I came alive, and I could still feel her so very deep inside of me… I don't know where this song came from, but Fleur's love was all the oxygen I needed right now…

I haven't been this happy in…eighteen years. And I knew it for sure this time.


	71. Lycanthropy

March 11th; Syukutsu, Otaru City, Japan.

_**LXXIV. **__Lycanthropy_

_(Hermione's POV)_

The light of the sunset and the waves of water just underneath me made me nervous while I walked down this cement path. A full moon was just barely visible in the purple sky above my light head. The Ministry's been having problems issuing portkeys lately, for reasons they didn't bother to explain to all of us irritably waiting in line. I didn't see Fleur in the queue earlier, so I just assumed that she would be here. I didn't see anyone at the end of the pier, but she could have very well been sitting right in front of the lighthouse.

I don't think she would have left in frustration if I didn't get here at the crack of dawn. But believe me; I would have if it weren't for that stupid line. I should have scheduled ahead of time, but the thought never crossed my mind. And even now, I'm nervous as hell about this meeting. I'm getting closer and closer to this lighthouse. But I don't know how much closer I am with getting my memories back. I know Fleur brought the things we wrote down. I trust that she knows what she's doing if she didn't…but I'm really hoping that she brought everything we've written down.

But my shortness of breath and willowy legs can't help but make me wonder if Fleur would still be the same, even after I remember everything. She was really shaken up last month… I don't know. I feel like I've been too idealistic all day. All I've been thinking about is me remembering anything, and then she and I would be perfect again. No obstacles to overcome, no wounds to heal; nothing, nothing, nothing. But…I guess it doesn't matter.

I'm not sure, but I seem to remember Fleur being extremely insecure at times. So wouldn't she be hesitant to let me back in, especially after everything I put her through…? But, again, I guess it doesn't matter. If anything, I should run after her no matter what. Maybe things won't be so difficult; maybe they will be. I don't know, but I guess I'm going to find out.

I felt slightly dizzy when the lighthouse was finally just a few steps away. I feel stupid for not running here, but I was too nervous. And I'm still nervous now as I walk around this thing. I heard something…a voice. But it sounded like a recording. I stopped just before I could finish circling the lighthouse and found a…projection going. It looked like someone was just holding their camcorder or whatever in their hand while they walked around what looked like Florence. I sat and watched, because the voice sounded distinctly familiar to me…

"…and I bet you just have no clue, huh Hermione? Your husband is pining for you right in front of your face, and you just keep making her chase after you. I do wonder why you keep going like this. An inferiority complex, maybe? That sounds about right. You never had much confidence in yourself. I sometimes wonder what the hell I even see in you. At this point, it's nothing. Nothing at all."

This couldn't have been Fleur…she still has an accent. And I know for sure that it isn't Fleur, because the camera panned to her and I sitting on a bench in a park. Oh…I remember that day. She was just trying to…talk. But I wouldn't listen. I don't think I even heard a word she said…

"'Ermione, please… why do you keep doing this to me? I don't understand it. It's like you _want _me to go insane at this point. Is that what you want? Because it's going to end up 'appening…any day now. And when it does, I bet you just won't even care, right? I know I messed up when I was younger, and I probably deserve this, but I don't know 'ow you could possibly grow to be so…cruel, 'Ermione. I don't…understand. But I guess it doesn't matter…"

"You're Chanel, yeah?"

"Yeah…who are you?"

"Josie, fool. Don't forget it."

"Whatever. What do you want?"

"You're Hermione's kid, aren't you?"

"Who wants to know?"

"We do."

"_We?"_

What? What the hell was Josie and everyone else doing, stalking me in Italy? And Chanel…? My…kid…? Inside of me… inside of me…

No… No way… It can't be…

"Martini, Indira, Jasmine, and Robert. And me, of course; we're Hermione's best buddies. We've been dying to meet you, just cuz she's never mentioned that she had a baby by that fool."

"Who's a fool? The hell are you talking about? And of course Hermione doesn't know about me."

"Pssh. Oh, she does. She's just ashamed of you. Having a kid with a female; the fuck kinda shit is that, you know? _I _wouldn't do that. And now your daddy's tryna get her back. I think it's funny. Don't you?"

"No."

"W-well…you should tell your dad to stop. Hermione's straight. And if she tries to say otherwise, her career is over. Then where would she be? Begging on the streets and acting like a prostitute; you know your dad's just getting more and more delusional by the second. She won't take Hermione in. Hermione wouldn't ask her to, anyway."

"What does her sexuality have to do with her career?"

"There are just a lot of people in the world who would jump at the chance to get back at her if they had any small measure of justification. 'Ohh, Hermione Delacour's married to a woman? And they had a kid? Oh let's jump her for stepping all over us!' You know."

"Just like you?"

"Mmmaybe…but you'd be smart to keep it to yourself."

"The hell did she do to you?"

"She admitted to helping the bastard who killed my family out of death row. Seifer Almasy, I'm sure you know. Seifer's not around to save her this time. Besides, we would do it now, but it's fun to you know, mess with her. I'm sure you don't like her, either."

"I don't even know her."

"And if you want any chance at getting to know her if not in a fucken cemetery, you'll keep quiet…"

"'Ermione! 'Ermione, wait! Can't I just…just look at you? Well…really, what else can you expect of me? You know I love you—"

"No, Fleur. Just stop. Leave me alone. I'm not worth your time."

"_Not worth my time? _'Ermione, you're worth everything and more… We're _married! _'Ow can you sit 'ere and tell me that you're not worth my time? I love you—"

"Good bye, Fleur. I'll see you in New York next year. Leave. Me. Alone."

"But—"

"NO! Now good night!"

* * *

"Such sweet irony about what you just saw and heard. And even now, you're sitting here, watching me talk to you in your husband's favorite outfit. Yeah, I am Chanel. Yeah, I am your daughter that you haven't even been able to remember for the past thirteen years. It's a beautiful day out, but somehow, it feels like nothing should be beautiful anymore if you keep wilting your flower.

"Do you remember when Draco first told you that thing about wilting your flower? The night when she woke up and punched him for scrutinizing the two of you. And, might I add, she was asleep because she was weak from worrying herself to insanity over those past two weeks. She almost drowned herself because you weren't breathing; aftereffect of the beginning of your healing process from that stupid disease. Hm. I think I should just go through everything in order.

"In 2005, Fleur bumped into you while you were crying. You were crying because you were just so damn frustrated with yourself. You had no direction in your life. But you thought you found it in Fleur's beauty, even though you hated yourself for thinking that.

"You judged Fleur, and called yourself hating her, and yet you followed her successful footsteps in the fashion industry. Remember? You kept running after her footsteps, slowly climbing your way to the top, until 2007 when you finally moved right across the street from her and got a job at _her _company. Eyevine is rightfully hers, not yours."

As…Chanel said everything, holes from every single recollection flew into my head. Tears fell down my face while she took the time to hold up what looked like drawings of every other situation she mentioned. All she had to do was show the drawing, briefly say what happened, and I felt the memories fly back in my head.

But despite feeling everything coming back to me, I felt that much more horrible while I realized exactly how I've been hurting Fleur for all of these months… And I _know _I've been hurting Chanel; the way she'd show the drawings, then practically throw the work away like it was nothing while she spitefully told me what it was of made me feel like a complete…jerk.

"So you played the role of Vice President with the sexy boss whom you were so desperate to seduce. You were a changed woman, or so says George. But I think that disease just brought out the part of you that you always tried to hide. It was against some unspoken _rules _to be conniving and cunning like you were with Fleur. But you got a kick out of it once you finally got the chance to let go. You got lucky; Fleur fell in love with you. You dated, even though you got the feeling that you confused her a lot. But you didn't care.

"Do you remember the sex and the lap dance and then finding everything out about your disease? Do you remember this park? This park where you managed to convince Fleur that you love her? Truly? The photo shoot with Squall, making her wedding dress, sex in her shower, dinner with Draco, throwing together a Christmas meal, Fleur showing you up at dinner on the couch, running to mummy and daddy with your problems, another lap dance, the unveiling of Fleur's deep dark past, render-Hermione-useless sex, lollygagging by the Eiffel tower, the exhibitionist encounter with the ice cream that was somewhat similar to the fruit one here in Florence.

"And then you smashed Fleur into that picture frame. From then on, you were just fine once Kelly sang you that song and gave you those dreams. Remember your boobs expanded and you had such long hair? And then after that, the thing with the Hogwarts Express, being chased by army men, and then waltzing around space with fire extinguishers? Smoothing away insecurities on the moon seemed so surreal, but you did it. And we can't forget about the lovely romancing that occurred when you two woke up.

"The mall, the clubbing, the proposal, the sex, the _enchanted ceiling and walls, _talking, and then Fleur nearly killing herself. Draco came in and made comments, you know. I'm pretty sure he guessed that you're an avid watcher of pornography. Oh, and do you remember being oblivious to Fleur's sexual advances at work? _You _know _we're at work. _Pssh. She got you back with the teasing up until your boat ride.

"Oh but that's when your sleep talking started. I don't remember what you said, but I'm guessing it was harsh by how you had to chase Fleur across the boat and down to the pool. More sex. Boy, you two are just like bunnies, aren't you? You being the most drunk bunny the night exactly one year before my birthday. Remember the dance? _I'm your man, 'Ermione. _Oh, and that disgusting pig of a taxi driver. The party. The uncharacteristic talking, the other taxi drive, more talking before bed. I _know _you remember, Hermione. I _know _you do. There's no point in me saying otherwise; you're remembering every other detail from me just mentioning one little comment about things."

She was right…she was right, she was right, she was so, _so _right… The moon was shining down on me at this point, but I could still see her sitting cross-legged on a patch of grass so clearly. I remember every single detail. Every gap from the events she'd commented on and showed me so far soared in my mind and consumed me like a hoard of bees. I was sobbing uncontrollably at this point, and I could hardly breathe. I _remember _feeling so happy with Fleur after we woke up from our dreams…the feelings were literally etched on my heart and soul and made me wail even harder.

Chanel had paused to just…stare at me. I felt her gaze scratch more tears down my eyes while she looked at me with such contempt. I wanted to just keel over and cry out for help from how good and horrible I was feeling at the same time… but she literally looked like she hated me for being so weak. Her eyes that looked so much like mine burned me and I felt myself sputtering some useless hoarse apologies to her; I don't know why I was or what came over me, but I just felt so horribly guilty right now…

"Hm, and what's next… oh yeah; din din with Draco again. He apologized, and finally came out to you. Then Christmas dinner with the Weasleys. Fleur being too sexy; that's a laugh. You're so shy, Hermione. I think you should do something about it. Try tackling her some time. Oh, and we can't forget shopping for your wedding dress. Early dinner with the girls. Then the love projection, too. I don't know what the guys did with Fleur at her so-called bachelor party, but I know you went from just chatting with Antoinette to having people bust in the house and start throwing a random party. I bet if you'd kept your promise to Tifa and actually went to her bar, you wouldn't have been fifty-nine seconds late to get to Fleur.

"So yeah, Squall and Draco having sex on your bed is always fun. And getting off to a memory about you and Fleur in the bath. Then next thing you know, you're getting dressed, it's wedding time. I'm sure you remember all about that, and the reception, the honey moon with the massage and resting in the hot springs, and then, finally, that pier. Mmm…you kept your promise if you're watching this, I guess. As if that even matters.

"What's next…oh yeah, the magical strap-on. Is it awkward and embarrassing that I know everything about you? Is it even _more _embarrassing and awkward that I remember damn near everything? I have a hard time staying on top of my own life because yours is poking and prodding every corner of my psyche. But anyway, I know you remember your dream. And Fleur singing to you…helping you hold on to everything that night before her birthday. Man. Doesn't help that you kind of lost it after that anyway. You turned to, dare I say it, _abusing _her. You hit her very hard, not just slapping. Punching, kicking, screaming at her that she's worthless, and just everything you can think of, really. You messed her up badly for four years. And even though you were okay on my birthday after that duel you had on the boat, things still fell apart from there. I feel at fault for it."

Abuse… I remember. My God, I remember… I couldn't stop myself, just like I still can't stop this waterfall from pouring out of my eyes. I felt my mind come to a halt at a wall that I know had something to do with a bath, and again, I felt like Chanel was just watching me hold myself and rock back and forth. It was so…hard to look her in the eye. I could hardly believe that she was my…daughter. Why didn't Fleur say anything about her?

She's so beautiful… I can't believe that I had her… Fleur got me pregnant; I remember… we didn't plan it. But the hormones just sent me out of control and I didn't even realize that I was…hurting her so… And to think that she still chased after me for so long, even after everything that I did to her… God I almost wanted to throw up from how disgusting I felt with myself…

"That's all it was for four years. You only ever shoved me down once on the night of my fourth birthday, and that's when Fleur finally put you out. She was so angry after that night. So…so damn angry. You remember Gabrielle? Fleur's sister? That's who else was missing from Draco's group. We knew if you saw Gabrielle that you might think of me or Fleur. And it took thirteen years for Fleur to finally stop using excuses to keep from going after you. But she shouldn't have to have done any running. It should have been all you. And it's _going _to be all you, Hermione _Granger."_

* * *

And then I was treated to scenes of Fleur crawling after me, and there were so many that kept going by so fast that I could hardly keep up through my water-blinding eyes. Even though I couldn't hear what we were saying, the song that was playing was enough. In between Chanel showing me Fleur sitting on her bed with her head in between her legs, obviously sobbing, and more of her chasing after me and just being downright cruel to her… I still kept feeling my world collapse in on itself even though I felt everything coming back to me…

Chanel doesn't even know me and she knows how to break me down… What kind of mother am I…? I couldn't even register that someone had their arms around me to keep me stable, because I felt myself falling apart under the light of this full moon.

_There's a thousand words that I could say  
to make you come home…  
Seems so long ago you walked away  
left me alone…_

_And I remember what you said to me  
you were acting so strange…  
and maybe I was too blind to see  
that you needed a change…_

_Was it something I said  
to make you turn away?  
To make you walk out and leave me cold?_

I wanted to shut my eyes and not watch, but I would be betraying Fleur and Chanel if I didn't. My body felt like it was being cradled now, and I know I felt familiar hands with those…fingernails on my tear-stained face. I was too distraught to even believe that it was Fleur…no…even if she was straddling me from behind and holding me like I was going to slip from her grasp; I could _not _believe it…

A part of me just wanted to disapparate from her touch; I didn't deserve it. I didn't, I didn't…

_If I could just find a way  
to make it so that you were right here…  
right now…_

_I've been sitting here…  
can't get you off my mind  
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong…  
I've drove myself insane, wishing I could touch your face  
But the truth…re…mains…you're_

Gone…

How could I have walked away from her so many times? How could I be so cruel as to put her through this mess without ever once thinking about the consequences? I was so hell-bent on getting her away from me that I didn't think about this. I didn't think that she was just utterly depressed under it all. I didn't, because she showed me a resolve that was far beyond any human's capacity while she kept chasing after me.

I thought she was invincible. I thought she was imperturbable. I thought she was a rock that I could never move, but I just kept chipping away at her with just the simplest movements away from her. How could I do this to her…? And why is she holding me now like everything's just…okay again? And this song that it changed to did not stop my flow of tears at _all…_

_If I could hold you one more time  
like in the days when you were mine  
I'd look at you 'till I…was blind…  
so you would stay…_

_I'd say a prayer each time you smile  
cradle the moments like a child  
I'd stop the world if only I…  
could hold you one more time…_

Every instance I could remember of just staring at Fleur and having her stare at me nearly burned me with a guilty pleasure that I damned myself for enjoying. I was still trembling and my tears were not stilling at all, even though the arms I felt around me, or _wanted _to feel around me, were trying to keep me stable.

God I just wanted to turn around and really look at her until I was blind. I wanted to stay here with her forever because now I _know _what she's been killing herself over that I couldn't remember. I _wanted _to just…see her smile and laugh and just be herself because I remember everything now… I wanted to cradle her and everything _about _her now…

I remember everything now but it still hurts so bad…

_I've memorized your face…  
I know your touch by heart…  
Still lost in your embrace…  
I dream of where you are…_

"'Ermione…shh…it's okay. I'm 'ere now…the projection is off… And I'm…sorry."

"Y-you're s-sorry…? You? F-fleur, don't ever tell me that…you don't…ever need to apologize f-for anything ever again… I was s-so STUPID and EVIL and j-just… God, I am so, so, so, so sorry Fleur… I'm sorry…"

I spun around and threw myself on top of her, but I refused to kiss her no matter how badly my heart was burning for me to just do it. I merely held her with everything I had and nothing more, and I really did feel myself become lost in her embrace. I really did memorize the way she felt; I still remember the smooth feel of her body on mine in the bath the last time we were…together. Having her arms around me like this while we lay on the cold ground of this pier was criminal after everything I've done to her, but I guess…it didn't matter.

And in between my eyes clutching shut in shame because she wasn't shedding a tear, I looked behind her and saw our box. Inside, I saw the flower petal resting just under the mirror. The petal that was in her hair that day, right under the disgusting image of _me _soiling Fleur like this… but she was still holding me. She still loves me… I know I still love her, but I just feel so…horrible. So vile and wrong; I've forsaken her. I broke all of my vows and almost drove her insane…

I know that there is a part of me now that's telling myself to chase after her, even though I know she can't find it in her endless heart to be angry at me. She's just so…good to me. I almost hate her for it… She _needs _that release…the knowledge that I truly would run across the universe for her like she's been doing for me all this time… I don't understand how she's not angry at me; I don't understand why she's looking me in my eyes right now…

"Everything that I never could understand…it's all so clear in your eyes, 'Ermione; I finally see it… Your gaze, like this, is yet another caress for me…it reaches places that no one could ever, ever hope to get…

"I know you're sorry and that you remember everything… I know. And there's just a soft part of me that can't be angry at you right now…you kept your promise, and you're 'ere with me now… 'ow I may feel in the future is beyond my grasp right now, but you, 'Ermione, are not…and I'd like to keep it that way for as long as I can…"

I kept crying for a very, very long time that night, and not once did Fleur move. She just kept watching me with a soft patience that warmed and smashed my heart at the same time. I kept thinking back to our…song…while I almost hallucinated more of those cherry blossom petals falling around us.

Chanel is practically a stranger to me, that almost sang a theme from…someone else's dream. _My _life dream. And for so long, I could not recall how or why Fleur came along in my life the way she did. It was…disbelieving. Ingenue, right…? Because I didn't know what to do, and instead took to pushing her away.

I tried to drown my regrets in tea and the smoke of my 'friends' but I could never really forget _when _Fleur came along, even though I didn't know how. Those friends of mine who threatened our daughter…they _will _pay. But now I need to focus on these two…I can't do anything right without them. But even now, I'm scared to make that transition back to the life Fleur deserves to have with me, but I don't deserve to have with her. I feel…inhuman. I'm not…normal.

And yet Fleur is still holding me anyway, softly scratching her nails across my back with a message. _Trust. Me. Love. Me. _I remember, Fleur… I remember…

I just feel so very, very undeserving of your love right now…


	72. Loquacious

March 13th; Home.

_**LXXV. **__Loquacious_

_(Fleur's POV)_

Hermione and I were just kind of…staring at each other…in…our dark room that night. I insisted that she move back in, and she didn't protest. We were just standing not too far from the doorway, looking at each other blankly. We weren't blinking breathing or moving. She was about an inch away from me, gazing up at me, clearly lost in thought.

Of course we weren't wearing much but short shorts and sleeveless white shirts. It left just enough to the imagination for me, and I didn't feel weird for feeling this way. Her muddled thoughts were giving themselves away in the swirls of her eyes, nearly steaming up with a sweet fog that kept seeping right through my senses. I swear I almost tasted the chocolate or something.

I just kept…thinking about something. I have a gig in Belgium tomorrow, and I'm scheduled for a bunch of others around the continent for the next seven months. I've told her this. She didn't say anything when I told her, but she knows. I didn't suggest that we write to each other or anything. Our relationship now is not how it was before, but it can and will mend itself…but not before something else happens.

I'm very curious as to how deep her love for me runs. I'm still in disbelief that we're just standing here, staring at each other, and it doesn't feel awkward. But the love we have and the relationship we share was never really all that bombastic to begin with. I wonder if she's willing to testify that I'm the only one she belongs to. I don't know where to start; maybe it turned into an art to believe that she didn't want to show the world that this is true. This is why I stopped paying the media. She knows.

But I still feel a bit…insecure. I have been extremely lonely and pissed off over these years. But everything's not just going to be alright now, like some movie. Everything is not the same. When I woke up a fortnight before, she didn't even know my name. Now she does…now I have the option of waking up next to her from now on, just like how we were years ago. Granted, there is a seven month gap, but I think we need it. I want her to miss me. I want to see some kind of…aching for me going on. I'm not being selfish; she told me straight up that I deserve it.

And yet…I know I'm going to miss her. I can't just blow off this gig, and like I said, I want her to miss me. There's just a small problem that I'm obviously going to miss _her. _I obviously still love her; my heart is pounding out of my chest, my knees are weak, it feels unusually warm in here, and my stomach is a warm nervy mess, being so close to her. Like this. Her perfume is wafting through my nose. I know mine was doing the same to her. I think I've gone back to that old habit of taking extra care with grooming myself to impress her again.

But I have strangely gone back to my habit of clamming up from just the mysterious force of her very presence hypnotizing me. Her body has a strange rhythm even though she's standing still. I feel like I'm losing myself in her aura, and it really didn't help that Hermione bowed her head and shuffled forward a little to close the small bit of distance in between us. God, she is _still _the most adorable thing…

My eyes went out of focus when she put her arms around me, and mine automatically wrapped around her body too. Her roots on my face were probably just as warm as my flushed face was; she was gently scratching her fingernails up and down my back. And not over my shirt; no, no. She moved her hands underneath my shirt. Now I really couldn't breathe…

I don't give a damn about moving too fast with this; I love her, she loves me. We _know _that. But I know I need to…err…tease her a little more. I almost flinched, though, feeling her hands so _close _to me, and not feeling them hurt me. But I don't think the almost was almost enough; Hermione felt it.

She hasn't missed a beat, even after all these years…

"Fleur…I want you to vent to me. I promise I'll listen… Talk to me, please…"

"…I thought I lost you. All those years ago…the woman I thought I knew wouldn't do me any 'arm. And when you did leave…I didn't sleep that night. I know I should 'ave left earlier, but I didn't know 'ow. I couldn't let you go. I didn't know 'ow much space I 'ad to give you. And when I did see you…I didn't know what to or what not to say. Stay out your way or get in your face; I 'ad no idea…

"I almost couldn't believe that I wasn't just 'aving some nightmare. 'Ow could the one I gave my 'eart to break my 'eart so bad? 'Ow could the one 'oo made me feel so…'appy…make me feel so sad? It was like I was just waiting for someone to tell me, so I would understand 'ow you could love me and yet 'urt me like that… I gave you my world and you just…threw it away. You were the one 'oo told me you love me…and so many other things I never thought I'd 'ear come out of your mouth.

"But…you're really, really 'ere, right? Or am I dreaming? I can't tell dreams from truth anymore. It's just been so long since I've seen you like this… I can 'ardly remember your face anymore. And even though I've spent all of these years being angry, I've just been covering up my usual insecurities…"

I didn't even notice that I started crying while I spoke, and she led us all the way on top of our bed. My head was on a pillow, and she was lying on top of me, watching me; it took everything I had to keep looking in her eyes.

"'Ermione, I'm sorry. I'm being stupid—"

Her eyes silenced me.

I felt a shock through my system when she nearly flashed her eyes, and she moved her body directly beside me so she could rest her head on my chest. She still knows how to handle my stubborn ass, apparently… And I couldn't be any more grateful than I already am.

"I'm here, Fleur. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, regardless of what you do. I know you're going to be confused about us at some point…but just like you, I don't give up. I promise I'll…take care of you."

I was still crying a little while we lay in silence for a long time. She drifted off to sleep immediately, but I was staring at her face just underneath mine. My heart was beating so fast that I was scared it would wake her. Even my hand on her bare shoulder had too many sensations flowing through it that I thought it would seep through her skin. And the ever tiny voice in my head was just screaming past all boundaries for her to show me that she still has an earth-shattering passion for me. But she was asleep. She couldn't show me anything while she was asleep…

How long has it been since I've had her without any remorse? Seventeen and a half years. Nearly eighteen years later, and I still feel a dull haze in my body from being like this with her. Disbelief no longer has a place in my heart…not right now. Soft tears were still streaming little by little down my steaming face, though. But for what? Because I wanted something…

Tears were starting to drown my face, and even though my breaths were hitching quietly, it wasn't because I was stifling my sobs.

Hermione. She was so close to me; _willingly. _Her thigh was over my leg, knee bent, and her body was snuggled so close to me that I felt like I was sapping her warmth from her and feeling it all flush my neck and face. So soft, and still, and relaxed, and…mine. My insides were going off and I couldn't fight my obvious arousal seeping through my legs.

It almost felt like I was walking through a hazardous street with so much going on; so many temptations to hide from the car accidents and yelling and screaming that is my troubled past. The temptations to hide; to forget or deny or ignore how good she makes me feel, even after so long… And the recollections of that past are my troublesome surroundings. But my heart beating in my head and chest and hands and legs and stomach drowns everything out.

The memories that I know she remembers, and not just me, make me feel like I need to just…do something to her. I'm almost dizzy with excitement to finally have her like this, but I want to know that she wants me just as bad, even if she does tease me about it somehow…

And then she parted her eyes and mouth while she gazed up at me in silence. She shifted so that she was straddling me, and her face was so close to mine that I could feel her eyesight singe me comfortably like a cool laser. She was analyzing me, obviously aware of why I was still crying. Did she still know how to read me? Did she…?

I think she did…

Her lips kissed my eyes closed and my body almost trembled underneath her from how good she made me feel from such a small gesture. One that she _remembers…_

"I'm sorry, Fleur. I'm so sorry…"

My thoughts, movements, body and soul were silenced but my insides sparked the wildfire I could only dream of for so long; she left my eyes alone and finally closed the gap in between our lips. I was still crying for too many reasons to pinpoint while I tried to memorize the feel of her succulent lips over mine; mine that have been begging for a moment like this for far too long.

Fireworks; that's what my insides had become, but without the excessive noise… her arousal was floating through my begging ears and my parted mouth. Her tongue moving in to tickle mine made _my _ever-increasing need for her waft through my throat and I nearly choked on it when her breasts brushed against mine.

Soft, tender, deliberate movements with her lips and teeth and tongue nearly spun me out of control. It took everything I had to remember to kiss her back and keep my hands from venturing any further than her shoulders. Her hands were on my wanton hips that kept bucking every time she'd tease me with her kisses around my mouth. I didn't want this to move past this base, but at the same time, I wanted her too much to care.

I would be moving my hands more if I wanted to tell her I wanted more; she knew this. The most Hermione did was move her lips to my neck to familiarize herself once more with me there, and this is when I realized that I had stopped crying. I cried out softly when she found a tender spot just underneath my ear and she stopped to suck there for the longest time, all the while building more and more tension and relaxation in me at the same time.

How am I supposed to leave her for seven months to call myself wanting her to miss me? I don't know… no, we need the time apart. I can't be selfish for just wanting to lay here with her for the rest of our days and indulge in her like this. Even if she is driving me insane with pleasure now, still sucking and enjoying my moans, I have to leave tomorrow. Even though I just now realize how fucking badly I want and _need _sex from her, I have to go…

And I already know how much it hurts to say goodbye to her…

* * *

I woke up at four in the morning and Hermione was knocked out right beside me. I carefully slipped out of bed and resisted so many enticing ideas to just have her now. My things were already packed…and I figured I'd just take a shower when I get to my hotel. Hermione is not coming with me. No.

I put on some kind of jeans and a sweater before shrinking my luggage and putting them in my pockets. After turning around to make sure she was still asleep, I took a few minutes to write her a rather long note, and then left it on the dresser.

But when I looked up at the mirror, my body trembled from the shock and I almost lost my footing even though I was standing completely still. My eyes started to water from lack of oxygen.

I could not breathe. Anymore.

I spun around and tried to grip onto the dresser for support; Hermione was standing mere feet away from me wearing absolutely nothing at all.

"How much do you think I'm worth, Fleur…? Look closely…look what you've branded on me. You've branded your love on me; your soul on me…"

The look in her eyes was undoubtedly teeming with seduction and want, but I could not stand it. I tried to look away, but my eyes somehow locked onto her breasts.

Mine began to ache when she strode towards me, slowly; tantalizingly.

I would have collapsed from my nose oddly having a strange craving to be in between her breasts, but she turned her back to me and started nuzzling her face on my neck. I knew if I let her have her way, that I wouldn't be able to get out of here alive. Err, alone. Whichever. And she kept sucking on that spot she found last night…

My breaths were hitching; she was massaging her breasts and all the while making her own breaths _extremely _shallow while she spoke to me in between exhales and inhales.

Goddamn her never ending sexiness…

"Take me with you… I'll let you have me. I'm better than nothing, and you know it. You also know that I'm sorry… please don't use this trip to try and run away from me… I love you, I still know how to handle you, and I want you… I know you want me, too…"

And then…she did the unthinkable.

Hermione Delacour, my wife, Miss Goody Goody bookworm started _masturbating _while she kept gently grinding her body against me….

I was bent over so far over the dresser, trying not to watch, trying to plug my ears to the sounds of her soft moans and whimpers and whispers of my name, but it just wasn't…happening…

Oh…my…fucking…God…

"Wherever you're going…it's so far. Really…really far… But please, take me… I'm afraid of myself… I almost…want to _die… _I hate myself for what I did to you…you know I hate myself… Let me soothe you, love… Let me make you shine and glow and _burn _with passion.. I know I'm worth that much.. please… _Please…"_

A bigger person than me would push her off and tell her no, but I obviously couldn't do that… Hermione has powers over me that I'm even _jealous_ of…

If only she hadn't said so much, and if only she hadn't said what she did, and if _only _she weren't moaning and whimpering so much right now, obviously getting off from this, maybe I'd be able to be that bigger person…


	73. Like a Whisper, She Was Gone

March 13th

_**LXXVI. **__Like a Whisper, She Was Gone_

_(Hermione's POV)_

So Fleur managed to get away from me this morning… I was sitting on our bed, wrapped in the duvet while I read her note. Apparently, she paid Kelly a visit, too. She left me a vial of dreams, and said to call her when I wake up.

But to be honest, I'd rather just call her right now…

_Hermione,_

_I'm due to be done with everything on October thirteenth. I'll still be fairly busy around Paris up until we're scheduled to go to New York with Squall, though. The only job I've taken after that is one in Austria, but that's not until next summer. I'm sorry I can't just stay there with you. I took these jobs to purposely make myself busy for obvious reasons. _

_Trust me when I say I'm not concerned about our relationship mending. I suppose I'm still in a bit of disbelief that you're reading this. You're finally back in my life for good… for the longest time, I haven't had anyone to come home to. Chanel's at school, as you know. Squall moved out some years ago. I'm concerned about him, though. He's been very brooding and paranoid lately._

_At any rate, I'm really, __really__ relieved that your amnesia is gone. I can't tell you how many times over these years that I've just wanted to give up on everything. I knew I couldn't do that, because I had some ounce of hope that I would someday be writing this to you. But I'm sad to say that our friends don't have the same faith that I do. Well, you know Draco. Everyone else has been trying to get me to move on, and I wouldn't be surprised if you go around them and they…hate you. It's complicated, I guess. But things will work themselves out. If they can't respect that I still love you, and you're not going to hurt me again, then they can go to hell. I mean it, Hermione. Anyone who ever disrespects you, regardless of how long I've known them, will be gone from my life just like that. And I know you're probably wondering about a certain 'exception' to this rule, hm?_

_Chanel wouldn't have gotten the brilliant idea to make a documentary for you if she didn't want us to be together again. I know the way she looked at you broke your heart, I know you think she hates you, and I'm sure you think that your relationship with her will never mend. But if I could get through to you, then you can get through to her. _

_The dream I gave you is actually about her. She loves the song that's in there, but I don't know what else Kelly put in it. She said it might scare you or something. I don't know. I'm not going to be in it. But I'm not meaning to scare you if it does turn out to give you that impression. _

_I would write more, but I have to go. Just…thank you, Hermione. Thank you so much. Words can't convey how happy I am that you're back in my life… I promise you things will go back to how they were. Don't you worry. _

I actually chuckled a bit because she didn't sign it; that first letter she wrote me wasn't signed, either. My hand kept subconsciously fiddling with the vial she left me while I wondered about Chanel. I wasn't concerned about our friends hating me; they have every right. The honest truth was that I was more scared of my daughter than anything. I don't even know the first thing about her, and here I am, wishing I could know more. All I had to do was drink this potion and fall asleep, though…

I'm not worried about fixing the relationship Fleur and I have; I have complete faith that things will be alright, even if I do have to work around her insecurities. But Chanel and I never had a positive relationship to begin with. All I know is that she loves Final Fantasy, she's very intelligent, and she's probably a lot stronger than I am in every way possible.

I sighed and opened the vial to drown it all without a second thought. The moment I finished, my head felt like it was spinning a little, and I heard…music. Cellos, I think. Odd…

Hmm…I guess I'll just close my eyes now…

* * *

June 17th, 1817; London, England.

A dim-lit room, a low ceiling, a series of arcs on the ceiling, a sandy floor, and five people; I stood just feet away from them while someone was holding my hand as we slowly descended through the floor. But four of the people were sitting on stools, playing cellos with a man right in the center who was singing. That man was…Draco. Those people were Harry, Gabrielle, Antoinette, and Squall…

And the person holding my hand was Chanel…

I looked up at her platinum blonde head and she was wearing a silver dress just like the one Fleur wore to the Yule Ball all those years ago. Her hair was up in that same tight bun, her make-up was flawless, but her brown eyes staring straight ahead looked so angry. She possessed every drop of grace and beauty that Fleur has, and every bit of fiery anger that I could even fathom to think I've ever felt was in her eyes, her set jaw, and her perfect posture. Her head was held high while we kept going down this invisible elevator. If I didn't know better, my eye may have fooled me into thinking that she really was Fleur from the way I felt from just…looking at her.

The song that was playing was a symphonic metal song. I remember Draco played it in his car when he first took me to dinner on Christmas Eve way back in the first year Fleur and I started dating. So this is the kind of music Chanel likes…? Apparently so, and she apparently got Fleur's singing genes; she sang the lyrics to me when the elevator stopped, and she led me through to a large courtyard in the middle of a cement building.

"Hope is beauty, personified. At her feet the world, hypnotized. A million flashes; a million smiles. And on the catwalk she flies in style."

She kept leading me while I looked down and realized I was wearing that same black tuxedo from my dream all those years ago. People were running amok, some were on the ground, and there were huge black clouds in the sky. Chanel didn't flinch at all while the people kept running through us, and I think I saw old Death Eaters on the ground in front of us… but she didn't falter; she just stepped right over them and kept walking to a large field of grass.

But what did she mean…?

And as we got to the middle of the field, only three people were in front of us. But as soon as I heard a loud cymbal note, a bolt of lightning struck the man at the very front and…set him on fire? I flinched, the other men did, but Chanel didn't. She made us break into a sprint, past him flailing around in flames, over to another crowded area, still singing…

"But in this heart of darkness, all hope lies lost and torn. All fame, like love is fleeting when there is no hope anymore…"

Smoke barely clouded my view while she led me through the filthy city, past the crowd of people in our way, past the small embers and people dropping things from windows high above our heads.

And down to a dark corridor we went, just like the first one, past the arcs and down into more darkness while my heart started going off like an alarm. I didn't know where we were going, or why she was leading me down here…

We eventually got to a room with a wooden walkway over a large pit suspended by ropes from the ceiling. She had me run across them even with strange people still around us, fighting, and I was sill scared out of my mind. Chanel wasn't, though. I don't see how…

"Pain and glory, hand in hand. A sacrifice; the highest price. Like the poison in her arm. Like a whisper, she was gone. Like when angels fall…"

I screamed when we went from running along that bridge to out of a window; she landed on her feet on the cobbled ground just feet below and had to force me up with her, but I was still trying to figure out what the hell this song was about. She stopped and kept holding my hand, still refusing to look at me, even with our surroundings turning to nightfall and bats flying past us while we stood still.

How in the world did she love _this _song, of all songs…?

"In this heart of darkness, all hope lies on the floor. Love like fame, is fleeting when there's no hope anymore…"

Back to the first room we went; she made me walk with her and I had to struggle to keep up from how frightened and paranoid I was at this point. But she just kept going…

I wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not. My absence hardened her so, but she _is _strong. I still couldn't help but feel extremely…guilty…

"Like the poison in her arm; like a whisper, she was gone. Like an angel; angels fall…"

I screamed again when I heard four bullets go off and latched onto her, but it turns out it was _her _who fired it. I don't know where she got a gun from, but she was just holding it out with her arm extended completely at her side, and Josie, Martin, Indira, and Jasmine all fell to the floor in a line on top of each other. My jaw was quivering, but she threw the gun aside and kept walking back to Draco, Squall, Harry, Gabrielle, and Antoinette. I wouldn't let her go, though. I closed my eyes to hide from everyone's sneers, and their music stopped.

When I opened my eyes again, we were back in that field of grass. I took a deep breath and let go of her, and she finally turned to face me. I was clutching myself and slouched over a little, trying my hardest to look up at her in between calming my breaths. I felt filthy from the smoke, but she was glowing and beautiful as ever. The look in her eyes didn't change at all. I almost wanted to cry…

"Did that scare you, Hermione? Are you _scared? _Do you just want to run to your dad's arms about it all and cry? Do you feel lost and confused and alone because your mother had to abandon you?

"You think I'm beautiful, but it's just my hope plastered all over my body. Hope that maybe, just maybe, I could one day stop hating you for something that's beyond my control. People have been blubbering at my feet my whole life, hypnotized, because to them I'm just some platonic goddess.

"Even with the millions of flashes of teeth from the smiles people give me, they can't see that I'm just burning for you. Fleur…she models. She struts that catwalk of hers because she's known, from the depths of her heart, that her burning would stop one day.

"But how long will my hope last, I wonder? I could just whisper it all away, scare you out of my life, and go on living without you. Maybe I'm just tired of having dreams about you, seeing you with angel wings. Hmph. If you think you're so bold and strong and fearless with Fleur, then do the same with me.

"I'm not a normal person. I've seen things that you can't even begin to imagine. Maybe I would know how to smile if I had you there to show me. Maybe I wouldn't be so demented if I could remember the feel of your arms around me. Maybe this, maybe that, demonic this, demonic that. I'm scared of myself, Hermione. Fleur was scared of herself, too, for the longest time. But just like the poison in your arms, the blood of that disease, it's gone now. Fleur's fears of herself and you are gone. But I'm different.

"I don't know how to show sympathy. I don't know how to smile. I don't know how to love. Pain and glory were hand in hand while we held hands; my pain, your glory for being on top without Fleur or me. Is it your fault? Possibly. That, and I just never bothered to teach myself how. Fleur didn't, either. She thinks she couldn't do anything right alone; she thinks she failed at raising me. She thinks that I'm possessed and cynical and angry at the world. She doesn't know the type of music I listen to; if she did, she'd be convinced of everything. And whose fault is that, Hermione…? Whose fucking fault is it? _Yours_ or mine?"

And like a whisper, she was gone…


	74. Lateral Conjunction

June 17th, 2027

_**LXXVII. **__Lateral Conjunction _

_(Ron's POV) _

Harry, Antoinette, Gabrielle, Squall, and I were in the living room over a cup of tea, chatting away about our usual topic of conversation. But really, I wasn't listening. They weren't saying very nice things about Hermione; Fleur's told us that they're back together. Hermione hasn't even come out of the house to say hello to Harry and I, but I think she's just having one of those dream thingies again. No one believes me when I tell them, but whatever.

I mean, I always sit here and listen to them go on and on about how Hermione's such a horrible monster. But I've been with Hermione before. Even though that was years ago, I know what it's like to put up with her and I know that she still has a wonderful heart. Besides, we're old. What else _are _we supposed to do other than talk shit about our old friend? Then again, Gabrielle and Squall aren't that old, but they're senile enough.

Well, I don't really appreciate the things they say. I thought maybe Harry'd be above this, but he's just as frustrated as the other three are. George and the twins stopped hanging around us because all these four do is talk up a storm about Hermione. Whenever Malfoy comes over, he doesn't say anything. He's either busy staring at Squall or just not saying anything at all.

Really, if Fleur knew what these guys were saying, she'd probably punch their heads clear off their necks. I know they're on Fleur's side or whatever, but they think that Hermione's just some womanizer or something. I've learned to keep my confrontational side down, thinking about how much senseless bickering Hermione and I had when we were younger.

But I want her to be with Fleur. I'm not bitter about anything. I know I'm not good enough for Hermione; Fleur is someone who can challenge her physically and, yeah, sexually. I could never do that. Plus, Hermione and Fleur still look like they're not even a day over twenty. My hair line is receding, and it is not attractive at all. Harry's messy hair is as full as ever, but it's turning grey from him stressing himself out to keep up this act of being cruel whenever Hermione's name is mentioned.

And then I think of Chanel, and I feel even worse. Term for her is over next week, and she'll be coming home to her mother for the first time in her life. I don't know if she'll make some excuse to stay with Diana and Kenneth to avoid seeing Hermione, though. I wish she wouldn't. I'd love to help Hermione get her relationship with Chanel off the ground. But what the hell could I do? Chanel doesn't even like me to begin with, but the reason she doesn't, coupled with the obvious fact that she dislikes her mother, is ironic. Hmm.

"Say guys, I'll be back."

They stopped talking and laughing, and they just stared at me. I scrunched my nose and felt my ears burn a little, but I just sighed and disapparated from there. I think they know that I don't appreciate them talking about Hermione the way they do. As if they even care. Hmph.

Some friends they are.

* * *

I walked through Hogsmeade up to Hogwarts, and thankfully the double doors were open from kids rushing out to the grounds. Classes had just let out, and I was trying to remember what Chanel has last on Thursdays. I think it's Divination. Hermione would die if she found out Chanel's taking N.E.W.T. level _Divination…_

People were staring at me while I made my way to the North Tower, but I tried to smile at them. Some smiled back, so I guess I was fine with it. They all know that I'm married to Harry. If they have a problem with it, they can shove it. Those who obviously did didn't say anything.

Thankfully, just before I got to the staircase, I found her clambering out with a big group of friends. They stopped to stare at me, and all of them except for Chanel were sneering at me. I guess even after all these years, Slytherins still hate me. I tried to ignore them while I beckoned for Chanel to follow me, and she did. I think this was the first time I'd ever seen a look of surprise on that face of hers. I guess it's better than a scowl.

I led her out to the grounds and she didn't bother to ask what I was doing here. I guess she already had a general idea; she's a smart girl. She didn't even remember to scowl at me while we got outside and walked over to the lake. The whole time, I kept trying to figure out what the hell to say, because I know she might just try to shrug off anything I say regardless if I'm right or not. I sighed and sat on the grass, and she sat next to me. I guess small talk wouldn't hurt until I could make up my mind about this.

"So how was your day?"

"What are you doing here, Ron?"

"I can't even come pay you a visit without being suspicious, ah?"

"No."

"Err…well; I was just comin' to see how you were doin'."

"Come on, Weasley. I know better."

"Why are you so mean to me? What did I ever do to _you, _specifically, 'sides try to be your friend?"

"I'm very picky about who I let myself befriend, 's all."

"So you'll befriend those shifty Slytherins 'n not me?"

"Did you forget that I'm in Slytherin too? You're calling me shifty."

"No! Chanel, come on. Please. If you wanna know the truth, I'm here to talk to you about Hermione."

"Well, you can talk. Doesn't mean I'll listen, but you can talk."

"…she 'n your dad are back together."

"I know."

"'N you're happy about this?"

"Happy is an understatement."

"Okay…but you still hate Hermione?"

"Naw. I don't really care about hating her. That's such a waste of energy."

"But you dislike her…?"

"Mmmaybe."

"Chanel…please. Talk to me? I'm just…"

"Lonely and bored because your friends and husband keep talking mess about Hermione?"

"Well…yeah, I guess if you wanna say that, sure… But I'm worried about you two. You're gonna see her again next week—"

"Says who?"

"Chanel…you can't just avoid her your whole life."

"And why should I believe anything _you _say, Ronnie?"

"Why do you think I'm always wrong just 'cause I'm Ron? Is it from _Hermione _kinda growin' to resent me 'n how thick I am? The reason you don't like me is 'cause of _her, _and yet here you are, tryin' to forget that she wants a relationship with you. That doesn't make any sense. Why don't you just…pick one 'n stick with it?"

I swallowed and felt my face flush when she turned her head to leer at me. She didn't even blink for a few minutes, and she was obviously trying to figure me out while she thought about what I just said. I don't know why she's so cold and calculating, and I don't want to blame Hermione or Fleur.

"I don't know. Maybe I'm just indecisive. Is that a sin?"

"N-no… I just wanna help you. I wanna be your friend."

"You wouldn't understand my…situation."

"But it sounds like you haven't even told anyone. You're angry, Chanel. I get that. But friends help each other 'n listen to each other. Doesn't matter if I'll understand or not; 'least it'll be outta your system."

"I'll pass."

"Chanel! Please, somethin's wrong 'n I wanna help. I've been tryin' to be your friend for years, but you just keep shovin' me away. It just makes me worry even more…"

"You were with her once."

"Yeah, I was."

"What was it like?"

"Huh? Oh…we argued a lot… Most we ever did was kiss to make up. Never did anything more 'n that. I always got the feelin' I wasn't good enough for her."

"And you weren't."

"No…no, I wasn't. But Fleur is."

"If you say so."

"But what does that have to do with your…situation?"

"Nothing."

"Huh, okay. 'Cause I dunno, from the sound of things it's like you _like _Hermione or somethin'. But that's just—"

"Stupid."

"…really?"

"I don't know."

"So you…you do like her?"

"I don't know."

"You kinda maybe sorta like her?"

"I don't…know, Ron. Just drop it."

"So this is what's been botherin' you…?"

"…obviously."

"But it's kept you connected to her, I think. You can't find it in your heart to hate her if you love her, right? And that's okay. You haven't seen her in ages; I understand."

"Whatever."

"Chanel…you can't just sit here 'n tell me it doesn't bother you. And it's gotta be confusin' 'cause she's your mum 'n all."

"I know, huh. I bet if anyone knew, they'd be freaked and grossed out. I'm surprised you can say with a straight face that you understand."

"I'm just…glad you're not scowling or whatever anymore. It's okay, really. I won't tell anyone. I think you should tell her."

"Ron?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you been smoking?"

"N-no! Chanel, I'm bein' serious. I think it would be somethin' good to confide in her. "

"To be honest, I don't even think I like her like that anymore."

"Well, you're gonna see her next week. So you'll find out then, I guess."

"I guess, yeah."

"'S there anything else you wanna talk about? I'm all ears."

"If you think you have the guts to stand up to me, why don't you work on your so-called friends?"

"I should…yeah, I should."

"Well, get to it."

And that was the last thing she said before she flashed her eyes at me and stood up to leave. I'm so serious; Hermione's going to lose her mind when she finally sees Chanel in person. I didn't think much of the liking thing, just because I remember one tiny secret that Hermione told me a long time ago. Chanel might know about it, but I didn't want to betray Hermione just in case. She used to have a crush on her mum, too. I thought it was gross when she told me, and she gave me a bruise to go with it, but ah well.

For now, I guess I'll just take her kid's advice and work on our friends.

* * *

Midnight; June 20th

_(Squall's POV)_

The guys and I were at Zell's place for some drinks and a smoke over a game of cards. The guys being me and Zell of course, Cloud, Vincent, and Cid.

"Yo Squall!" Zell said.

"Yeah?"

"So when's Chanel getting back?"

"Friday. She's staying with her mom."

"Oh, okay. You don't think Josie and those other fools will bug 'em, do ya?"

"No. If they try, Chanel's ready for them."

"You really gave one to her?" Cloud asked.

"Yeah."

"Fleur 'n 'er wife dunno, eh?" Cid asked.

"Nope."

"Yer a shady man, Leonhart."

"I _told _you to not say my last name, _Highwind."_

"Oh you little prissy bitch, dun start."

"Such a potty mouth," Vincent mumbled.

"Ah, dun start with me. I can curse whenever the hell I feel like it. If you dun like it yeh can git out."

"Speaking of prissy," Zell said. "What's up with you and that other blond? Draco?"

"I told you years ago we're finished."

"Ahhh huh. Yeh righ', Squally," Cid laughed. I grit my teeth and chewed my cigarette; people just wouldn't leave me alone about him.

"Why don't you just give him another chance?" Cloud asked.

"Why don't you go back to Tifa?"

"You know I can't…"

"Well, you know I can't, either."

"Right."

"How about we set you up with him again?" Zell asked. I shook my head and folded early.

"I'll pass."

"It's either that, or I tell Chanel's parents what we've been up to."

"Why are you so hell-bent on ruining my love life? Leave it alone, Zell."

"Nope. You love him. I'm not listening to you right now. And I don't think Hermione would be too happy to find out what you've got Chanel doing."

"…you're a little bitch, you know that?"

"Whatever, man! I'm helping you out."

"Eh…whatever. Even though this is practically blackmail."

"But being dirty is fun!"

"…weirdo."

"Stop judging me!"

"…"


	75. Lascivicious

June 25th

_**LXXVIII. **__Lascivicious _

_(Hermione's POV)_

I shot up from bed and I was heaving while I realized just how much cold sweat was on my body. I swallowed in between breaths and tried to re-orient myself. It was just a dream. Just a dream…

That song was stuck in my head, though. I groaned and rubbed my temples; Fleur didn't know what was in there specifically. Speaking of Fleur…

I reached over to the bedside table and snatched my phone. She said to call her when I wake up, and I really need to hear her voice right now. My heart was racing while I called her and waited for her to pick up. And then I realized that after all these years, we've _never _spoken to each other over the phone.

I guess there's a first for everything…

"I see you're awake, hm?"

"Y-yes…"

"Why are you breathing so fast? Did that dream really scare you?"

"It…did. Fleur, is Chanel really angry and demented and cynical? B-because in the dream, she was singing this…this song to me that you might be surprised to know that it's her favorite. She said that you don't know the type of music she listens to. And in the dream she led me through dark corridors and a courtyard in old England where people were just running amok and out into a field of grass where this m-man was struck by lightning and set on fire!

"And then we just kept running through more dark corridors and straight out a window and then we landed and it was night time and bats surrounded us and then we went back to that first dark corridor and Chanel sh-shot Josie and _her _f-friends with a gun and—"

"'Ermione, 'Ermione, calm down…"

"B-but Fleur… I just…I think I'm scared of her. I feel like if I show my face to her that she'll just scream at me or something…"

"She's a calm person. Don't worry about 'er screaming at you. But you do know that she's on the train back to London now, don't you?"

"Wh-what?"

"Term ended for 'er today. She should be arriving in London in about two 'ours."

"…and you want me to go pick her up?"

"I didn't ask anyone else to meet 'er at King's Cross, so, yes."

"I mean…I'm allowed to? I'm actually allowed to see her? It's okay?"

"You don't need to ask me permission for anything. If you really think you need to ask someone about something like this, then ask Chanel."

"You're sure?"

"'Ermione, your relationship with 'er 'as nothing to do with me. If you want to know 'ow angry she is, then you find out. But she's quite outgoing when she feels like it. Either to be sarcastic, or if she's 'onestly comfortable with you. Just keep that in mind."

"Oh…alright. Well…a-anyway, where are you now?"

"Bulgaria. I'll be 'ere for a few weeks. I even found Viktor the other day."

"Viktor? Really?"

"Mhm. 'E's doing just fine. I was surprised when 'e told me 'e still plays Quidditch at fifty years old. Couldn't compare to 'is shock when I told 'im you and I are married, though… But enough about 'im; you still sound shaken up."

"I'll be fine, Fleur. I'm just nervous about Chanel. That and I miss you… I mean, it literally feels like just a few days ago that we finally got past that slump… Talking to you over the phone just isn't the same."

"I know."

I just realized that I was fidgeting with the duvet in my hand while I was hunched over slightly. My other hand was tracing circles on the sheets by my legs and I was holding the phone to my ear with my shoulder. There was just something kind of sentimental about the way I was feeling and what I was doing. I almost felt like a teenager talking to her new girlfriend over the phone by the way I was feeling. I don't know.

But her voice was a soothsay nonetheless. I couldn't be any more thankful for it. My stomach was in knots and my palms were sweaty, but just knowing that she was on the phone with me trying to calm me down was help enough.

"'Ermione, I want you to focus on Chanel for a while. Or at least until she goes back to school. She does love you; I know she does. And you know I would never lie to you. Be 'er mother. She needs you. I know she'll never admit it, but she 'onestly does. The only time you should be quiet is if she slips into 'er French tongue. She only does it when she's very angry. Everything else, I want you to learn on your own. Alright?"

"I understand. I'm just…trying to not think about all of that right now. It's just making me even more nervous. So how are you? I never did ask."

"…I just…miss you. You've been asleep for months and it's taken a lot out of me to not call or send these letters."

"You wrote me something?"

"Yes. But there was no point in sending them to you if you were asleep. I'll send them off soon."

"Oh… Fleur, that's so sweet of you. I still feel kind of…weird about us, though. N-not weird as in I don't want to do this! No, no of course not. _Believe _me; I want this to work out."

"Mmm…I know, 'Ermione. I know."

"And that doesn't mean I'm not going to work for you, either."

"You mean you want me to tease you?"

"Well…if you'd like."

"Be careful what you ask for, love…"

"I'm serious! Go on; do it. When we get to New York. I dare you."

"Mhm. I will."

"You don't sound that excited about it."

"Mmm…I guess I know I might get a little carried away."

"Would you really?"

"Maybe."

"Just like I got carried away the last time I saw you?"

"That's not a bad comparison. But I think you should do that more often. I can't remember the last time you…left me sputtering for control over myself like that."

"Well good…"

"You should probably go get dressed. I'm assuming you're not wearing anything."

"You assumed right…"

"'Ermione, as tempting as it sounds, phone sex probably isn't wise. It's just not the same."

"Funny how you'd know."

"Mhm, just trust me on that. Now go."

"Alright, alright… When can I expect to receive a call from you?"

"Tomorrow. But you can call me whenever, you know that."

"Sounds good… I'll talk to you later then."

"Alright. Try to calm down; Chanel won't 'urt you. I love you, and so does she."

"I know… I'll be fine. I love you, too."

"Mmm… bye then."

"Bye…"

I sighed loudly when we finally hung up. We were on the phone for nearly twenty minutes. And even though I still had plenty of time, the way I collapsed back on the bed reminded me that I just wanted to stop time altogether.

Never in a million years would I have imagined that I'd ever be in this situation. But the situation was beyond my control; fixing the aftermath is not. I just had to take Fleur's word about this.

* * *

After I ate, showered, and got dressed, I was standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, staring at myself. I took extra care to make sure my make-up was flawless, my hair was shining and bouncy, and my clothes were sharp. I don't know why I want to impress Chanel, but I just feel this need to. I don't want her to think that I'm a bum or anything.

I don't know how to be a parent; that much is obvious. My daughter is seventeen and I feel like I'm the seventeen-year-old who's suddenly a parent. I'd probably hate me too if I were her.

Just thinking about how she spoke to me and the way she looked at me in that projection made me want to cry. Again. But she doesn't handle weakness very well, I know that much. I know this feeling in my heart I have now that I'm thinking about her is love; it is. I'm sure of it. But how is it possible for her to hate me and love me at the same time? Surely one feeling is more powerful than the other?

I guess…I'll find out soon.

* * *

I apparated to King's Cross and now I was standing at Platform 9 ¾, waiting. Some others were around, half an hour early like me. I could barely feel my body on top of my jelly legs, my stomach was a mess again, and I kept squeezing my hands together that were clasped behind my back. That song was still stuck in my head, too…

Okay, so I was just meeting my daughter again for the first time in years. It was simple. Nothing to worry about. No sweat. I don't know why I'm fretting over this. She's just my daughter. It's just Chanel. Chanel Valentine Delacour who probably hates my guts for leaving her. But she wanted me around if she hates me for leaving, right? Right? That's right, yes. She did want me around. She hated me for what I did to Fleur, too… But that's in the past. We can move on from that. We can. I just need to stop being scared of her.

She's just so intimidating… In a way, she's similar to how Fleur was when I first met her back when she was seventeen. Cut-throat and angry, and it was all because of her mother… seems that I've made that cycle continue. What if that happens with Chanel's kids? Does she even want kids? Probably not after what I've put her through…

But I want to know more about her. I want to…

And yet somehow, I can't help but feel like I've gone back in time and I'm trying to get Fleur, who hates me, to fall in love with me…

I don't know how much time passed while I kept standing here, letting the world of this platform pass me by while I kept spinning within myself. Everything around me literally felt like it was fast-forwarding itself while I stood almost too still against the current of everything. I'm just now _really _feeling the guilt of everything that's happened, even if it all was beyond my control. I want to be able to hold her in my arms and apologize without her wanting to slap me off of her. I'm honestly terrified of her…

Not even the far off steam and the glint of red could snap me out of it; if anything, it just made my head spin and my eyes sting. I couldn't help the foreboding feelings that no matter what I do, no matter what I say, she's going to keep hating me. But I want her to let it go… I want to teach her sympathy, how to smile…how to love…all of that. If I could do it for Fleur, then I can help Chanel, too. And yet the doubts and insecurities keep telling me otherwise…I just don't know…

That dream…that dream…not a nightmare, because Chanel was in it and that's her favorite song… It just keeps nagging me. Slapping me, punching me; ripping me apart. I want her to be happy…carefree…like she should have been for all these years… God, I feel so horrible…it's like watching that documentary all over again, except I'm surrounded by…

By…

Surrounded by my own eyes staring back at me underneath platinum blonde bangs flowing to the side of her sculpted face... I'm surrounded by a…woman who's just barely taller than I am, still wearing her school robes. But the robes weren't important to me; I could still catch her grace exuding from her even though she was standing perfectly still right in front of me. Wait…

Is this really, _really_ my daughter?

Everything and everyone stopped, including me. But she didn't. Her eyes and face and body language weren't screaming that she hated me, though. She looked so…passive. But still so…so…beautiful. Something different for her was spinning in my heart because she just looked _so _much like Fleur. Something…that wasn't normal. I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I am.

And then I felt the side of her index finger on the bottom of my chin to push it up; my jaw had been hanging open. My head recoiled and she let her finger stay where it was for a long time while her eyes kept boring into mine. Whatever happened to me before seemed to die down a bit, and if I didn't know better, I might have thought that it was her thrall going off. But Fleur sort of told me that Chanel knew I was coming to get her… I don't understand.

But she still hadn't moved her hand. I found the gesture very…endearing of her. I know my love for her was written all over my face, and especially my eyes, even though her brows were furrowed ever so slightly. But the rest of her face was relaxed. Her eyes were obviously still analyzing me, but I was just so happy that she was giving me her attention that it didn't matter if she looked somewhat angry. I _felt _so…wonderful…just seeing her like this. I know my eyes were giving me away even more by this point because I started…crying…finally. I didn't care that we were surrounded by people; they were all at a standstill around us for all I knew.

What did it for me was how I saw her eyes relax a notch while she moved her hand from my chin and to my face. My heart was going off like mad and my stomach was settling down slightly, and I felt _so _overjoyed to feel her hand on my face like this. Her thumb was even wiping away my tears… She cares about me, then. She really, really does…

I couldn't take it anymore; I flung my arms around her and buried my face in her neck, and my sobs all came out full force when I felt her wrap her arms around me without any hesitation... Even the way she holds me reminds me of Fleur, her perfume reminds me of Fleur, and feeling her face resting near the top of my head made me break down even more… I thought she hated me so much to the point where she wouldn't even let me touch her. But…she touched me first. She did…

And even still, I kept mumbling apologies to her over and over again. I don't know how long we were standing there, but I didn't want to move. I didn't want her to let go of me…and I told her this.

She's so…amazing. And she didn't even have to say a word to make me feel this way about her. I think I'm finally starting to understand how it _feels _to be a parent. I promised myself to never forget this moment, and to never take her for granted. Ever.

* * *

When we got back home that night, she still hadn't said a word to me. I followed her up to her room, since the way she kept giving me glances over her shoulder while she walked there made me think that she wanted me to. She ignored me when I asked if she was hungry or not, so I assumed that she wasn't…

I'd nearly forgotten about her luggage until she took them out of her pockets and reverted it all back to normal size. And with another flick of her mahogany wand, everything flew neatly back in her drawers and closets, and her books took their places in the large bookcase that took up two walls. Another flick and the luggage was stowed away. I was staring at her in awe while she kept gazing at me from over her shoulder. She did look a bit serious, but not…angry. I don't know.

Her room was large, clean, and very dark minus enough moonlight peeking through her huge window. Posters were still all over the place, and books. Her TV was as large as ever, and she still had those video games Fleur bought her years ago. She motioned for me to sit on the bed while she removed her robes, and I felt my heart creep up my throat while I nodded and did so.

I didn't catch the House crest on her robes, but I think I saw a badge glinting in the moonlight for a brief moment. My chest swelled with pride; she was a Prefect…just like I was. I was still surprised that she attended Hogwarts and not Beauxbatons while I sat on her large bed and watched her set her badge down on her desk. She was just standing in her short skirt, loose tie and Hogwarts-issued white blouse while she let her hand linger on her badge. She stared at it, obviously lost in thought about something. I was really curious to see if she was in Gryffindor, though. As brave as she is, I'm sure that's her House. I couldn't see what color her tie was in the dark, but it looked like it might have been red and gold.

But she didn't show me the badge. She left it alone and walked over to me. She stood with one knee bent and her arms crossed for a moment while she looked down at me. I felt my cheeks flush when she bent down suddenly and looked me right in the eye, just centimeters away from my face. I didn't dare flinch, but the way the moonlight was playing on her bangs just barely concealing her eyes wasn't normal. And nor was the look in her eyes. I know I was looking at her the same way, though. Again, I didn't understand…

I think I almost wanted to cry again, just from how beautiful she is. I mean, I know she looks just like Fleur. But it's _Chanel. _Our daughter… The guilt I feel is starting to die down a little, especially now that she doesn't mind being this close to me. But I think she could probably hear my ravaging heart beats through my eyes or something… I don't know.

"Chanel…?"

She raised her right eyebrow and I felt my heart climb up my throat again. I kept trying to tell myself that it was just because she looks so much like Fleur. That was it.

"Why don't we…talk? I'd…like to get to know you. I mean, I hope—"

"Hope is beauty, personified. And you are very beautiful, Hermione."

Her lips were parted and I kept inhaling her chocolate breath while I stared at her incredulously. She stood up straight and my nose almost came into contact with her breasts while she did. I blinked stupidly while I kept replaying her words in my head, and she just got on her bed and lay down behind me. She wasn't facing me, and I knew it, even though I was staring straight ahead. I just felt it.

There's something just so very suspicious about the way she carries herself. Granted, _Fleur _is her father…she could very well just be coquettish by nature. And that is her favorite song, so I didn't think much of what she said, so much. It was just _how _she said it. And she thinks I'm beautiful…? Well, I guess there wasn't anything wrong with it…

"Thank you…"

"If you're not going to talk, you may leave."

"I…want to talk _with _you, Chanel. It's not the same if I'm just rambling."

"What if I want to hear you just ramble?"

"You…you do?"

I turned to face her and I was surprised that she was facing me, too. She was hugging her pillow and looking up at me behind her bangs. I sighed and removed my shoes. I ignored my fears and laid down right next to her, and her eyes softened considerably while I moved her hair from her face.

"Maybe."

I don't think she hates me… I think she just needed some kind of negative emotion to hide behind to ignore that she may actually love me. And she wasn't going off on me in French, so that's another good sign…

"Maybe?"

"That's right."

"Well…I've already told you that I'm sorry. That disease turned me into a completely different person. I didn't want to abandon you, but I had to. The only reason I tried to push your dad away was because I couldn't find that old love for her up until the day before we met at the pier. I didn't feel like I deserved her. I just couldn't find the heart to tell her this. I know it seems like I lied to her, and you, but—"

"Do you know what the worst part is about being lied to?"

"No…what?"

She actually closed the distance between us and held me. It surprised me, but I hurried to hold her too before she could get the idea to pull away. Her head was on my chest and her eyes were closed. Now she _really _looked like a seventeen-year-old version of Fleur…it was almost maddening. And I'm sure she could hear my heartbeats right next to her ear, but she actually laughed softly and whispered her answer to me.

"Knowing that you're not worth the truth."

I moved a hand to the back of her head and kept it there to say that I understood. Her breaths became deeper and rhythmic just seconds after, and I couldn't believe it… she was actually sleeping in my arms. Mine were tingling a little, and Chanel seemed to be glowing a bit. So Fleur was right… I was so…relieved.

She doesn't hate me entirely, it seems. She does have a heart…I think she just needed me to not show my fear of her. I was sure that I would be able to get to know her soon; we still had the whole summer. I guess it is rather convenient that Fleur's not here now, otherwise I know I'd be hiding behind her the whole time.

But even though I was silently crying in joy now, I still had a nagging feeling in the back of my head that she was going to show me her rage soon enough…


	76. Liaisons Dangereux

_A/N_

_No, seriously – the number thing...not my fault!_

July 17th

_**LXXIX. **__Liaison Dangereux_

_(Hermione's POV)_

"Chanel, will you open this door?"

"I can hear you just fine, Hermione. Why do I need to open it?"

"You know I've been meaning to _talk _to you for the past month!"

"What does the door to my room obstructing your vision have to do with your speaking capabilities? And to think that you're the brightest witch of your age. Come on, now."

"Chanel! Stop being so sarcastic! I'm your—"

"That's a real laugh. Don't pull that card with me. Why don't you go play tea with your girlfriends across the street? I'm busy."

"…now that's just mean. What did I—"

"Ah, ah! Not that card, eitherrrrr."

"…I'm going. But when I get back, I want to talk to you. And not through a door or a ceiling or a _Muffliato _spell…alright?"

"We should go to the mall."

"The mall…?"

"Buy me the mall so we can have it to ourselves. I know you have the money."

"…okay. Be ready when I get back."

I sighed and started making my way downstairs to leave when all she did was chuckle and turn a page by the sound of it. Buying the mall wasn't part of my problem at all. Nor was it that she was claiming to be so very busy when all she's doing in there is reading. Well…I know I have my tendencies to become absorbed in my reading, but I usually don't even acknowledge anyone if they're trying to talk to me. _She _does, and it just pisses me off the way she keeps…blowing me off.

So she was showing me her rage in a very passive-aggressive way now. I don't know how it went from that first night with her sleeping in my arms to her refusing to come out of her room. I can't just invade her privacy and try to figure out the charms she's put on her lock, but I know if she weren't of age, I wouldn't be having this problem. Maybe she's just glad that she can finally use magic over break or something…I don't know.

* * *

And I really don't know what I was thinking, knocking on the door to my old home. I should have done this ages ago, but I've been so busy in between work and trying to break down Chanel's barriers that I completely forgot.

Harry and Ron hate me, don't they? Yes, they do. Harry opened the door briefly, looked at me like I was filth, then shut the door in my face. Well, I was ready for it at least…still can't say with a straight face that it didn't hurt, but it did. I didn't think that my best friends would really lose faith in me like this…after all we've been through…

But maybe it was only Harry; Ron came to the door just seconds later and actually smiled at me while he ushered me inside. His smile did lift my spirits a little… I made a mental note to thank him profusely later on. But I think I picked a bad moment to come visit.

Gabrielle, Squall, and Antoinette were here, too. Ron led me to sit next to him on the couch while he let me have his untouched tea. I thanked him and kept my attention on the cup to ignore the biting glares from everyone else.

And so it begins…

"How nice of you to show your face, Hermione," Squall said briskly. I chewed my lower lip and tried desperately to remember that I at least had Ron…

"How's Chanel?" Gabrielle asked. "Has she been getting her fair share of beatings from you while my sister is out?"

"No…" I mumbled.

"You _do _know that she hates you, right?"

"It's nice to see you all again, too… I'm sorry. And I know she hates me, Gabrielle… Thanks for reminding me. And thanks for not taking Fleur's word that I'm not back to hurt anyone…I really appreciate it."

I sipped my tea while I silently thanked Chanel for teaching me how to be sarcastic. No one had anything to say, probably because they weren't expecting me to say that. I don't know, but I had the strangest feeling that they came by here for tea on a regular basis just to talk about me. There was just this stagnant feeling in the air that felt like it had their mean words and my name floating through it like toxic.

But I guess the good news is that being around Chanel is so much more awkward than this, even if she only has two eyes. And even if she is being horribly impossible right now, I've learned from her, in a twisted way, how to stand up for myself even when I'm obviously losing…

"I'm not here just to cause havoc, if you haven't noticed. Fleur and I are still married, and that disease was _completely_ out of our control. I can understand if you want to hold a grudge even though the main person has forgiven me. If it makes you feel any better, Fleur has not spoken to me in over three weeks. Yes, I do…feel like shit because of it. I feel like a complete asshole for doing the things I've done and saying the things I've said. But I'm not going to sit here and let you try to put me down when I'm _obviously _as far below the earth as I can possibly get!

"My daughter hates me, my husband is confused even though she wants to forgive me, and now you all have taken it upon yourselves to make a We Hate Hermione club! Now if th-that isn't the most _absurd_ thing! I understand we're old and you've nothing else to do, but I can't _believe _that you all went from being my best friends to my worst enemies, all because of something I didn't even do to you!"

I didn't even realize that I had stood up during my tirade. All of them except for Ron were looking at me apologetically, but I didn't want to deal with their bullshit. They probably thought I was just going to sit here and let them step all over me. Well, I'm tired of it. I'll take it from Chanel and Fleur, but not them.

The main person in the room that I'm upset at looked me in the eye with the most apologies, but I didn't have any room in my heart to forgive him. Not right now.

"And you, Harry… I can't believe you. You and Ron have been my best friends for over thirty years. _Thirty. _I thought you would have more faith in me than that. I thought I trusted you to give me the benefit of the doubt. I have always trusted you to keep a steady head, even if you have been hit with far too many hexes and curses as a child. I can't even recall a time that you've ever let yourself judge me. You KNOW what that disease did to me! Why would the real Hermione let herself be that way?

"And now, since you all obviously have nothing else to say, I'm going to go. Thank you for the tea, Ron. If you all still want to be my friends, then fine. But don't talk to me today; I don't want to hear it. Good day."

I snorted at them and left. Ron was following me outside, and I didn't have the heart to blow him off even though I was still upset. I know I would have normally been crying or something, but I'm oddly too frustrated for tears. Ron closed the door behind us and walked with me down the walkway a little and faced me. I crossed my arms and stared at his shoes while I waited for him to say something.

But he didn't say anything. He hugged me for the first time in years and all my so-called frustration left me while I hugged him back. I cried a little bit despite myself, even though I felt everyone else's eyes on me through the window. I didn't care about them right now, though. I was just so glad that I at least had Ron through this. Even if the others do apologize, I won't be seeing them in the same light ever again.

_Now _I really know how Fleur felt when Draco and Antoinette betrayed her all those years ago…

"Hermione, they were just confused… I feel bad 'cause I shoulda stopped 'em from sayin' those things about you. I was just scared to stand up to 'em, but you weren't. I really admire you for that. Don't worry about 'em, alright? They'll come around."

"I can't thank you enough for sticking with me, Ron… B-but…Chanel and Fleur… I mean I know Fleur's trying; she's at least been writing to me. But Chanel is just…she hates me…she's acting so strangely and I d-don't know what to do. I'm not a real mother! How am I supposed to handle her? She despises me and I get the feeling that she's entirely too manipulative! And whose fault is that? Whose _fucking _fault is it? _Mine _or hers?"

"Hermione—"

"What is wrong with her, Ron? Do you know? You're the _only _one who seems to have their head screwed on these days…"

"Err…"

We let go of each other and I stared up at him in confusion. Ron is horrible at keeping secrets sometimes; his ears were red and he was avoiding eye contact with me. I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes while I looked at him knowingly; he might as well just tell me, whatever it is.

"It's n-nothing!"

"It can't be nothing if your voice is unusually high and cracking…"

"Um…I promised not to tell."

"Ron, you should _know _how I feel about people keeping things from me! What just went on in there is a prime example! Now what is it?"

"She'll murder me if I tell you, Hermione…that girl is not normal…"

"Chanel told _you _a secret?"

"Hey! I'm trustworthy! Are you insulting me, Hermione Delacour?"

"No! Ron, please, tell me. I'm not going to leave you alone until you do."

"Oh come on—"

"I'll tell everyone that you used to wet the bed up until you started going to Hogwarts if you don't tell me."

"…you wouldn't."

"You know I would…"

"That's low, Hermione... She said she might tell you on her own, so I'm g-going to leave it at that!"

"But Ron, I know it has something to do about the way she's treating me! She refuses to come out of her room, she won't let me get to know her, and I get the feeling that she was flirting with me—"

"Impossible. Nope, nuh uh. Chanel would totally _not _ever never…flirt…with you…"

"…and I think you just gave yourself away."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I made my way down the street back home. Ron was trying to shout some kind of feeble protests, but I didn't want to hear them.

"You had the same problem back when you were little, Hermione! I STILL have the bruise to show for it!"

I waved a hand over my shoulder and shook my head while I went back inside. I know what he was talking about; that wasn't the issue. Let's just say that coming back home and finding Chanel staring at me with her knee bent and arms crossed didn't faze me as much anymore. Even if her skirt was unusually short and her shirt was very fitting, it didn't concern me.

Maybe it was just the huge secret she was keeping that did bother me. No, it didn't bug me that she has a crush on me. I remember I had the same issue with my mum. I did speak to her and dad the other day, and even they weren't mad at me. They understood everything.

But Chanel was determined not to so that she could bury her feelings for me. I never would have imagined that _this _is why she's so cruel to me…

* * *

She was listening to her iPod while we walked through this empty mall. There weren't even any clerks in the stores, but Chanel was obviously more interested in dancing while she walked next to me instead of shopping. She was probably doing it to be sarcastic, just like Fleur warned me…

I don't even know what the hell to think right now, _especially _now that she stopped me to use me like a pole to dance on… And this was a very…interesting choice of song…

"Superstar; where you from, how's it goin'? I know you, got a clue whatcha doin'. You can play brand new to all the other chicks out here but I know what you are, what you are, baby.

"Look at you; gettin' more than just a re-up. Baby you, got all the puppets with the strings up. Fakin' like a good one, but I call 'em like I see 'em; I know what you are, what you are, baby."

I kept my lips pursed even though I was trying not to look hurt; she held my hands and made me put them on her hips while she kept dancing a little in place, bent down a little and looking up in my eyes with a sneer that could rival Draco's…

So this is what she thinks I am, huh…?

"Womanizer, woman-womanizer, you're a womanizer, oh! Womanizer, oh! You're a womanizer, baby! You-you-you are! You-you-you are! Womanizer, womanizer, womanizer!

"Boy don't try to front, I-I know just-just what you are-are-are! Boy don't try to front, I-I know just-just what you are-are-are!

"You got me goin'; you're oh-so charmin'; but I can't do it; you womanizer.

"Boy don't try to front, I-I know just-just what you are-are-are! Boy don't try to front, I-I know just-just what you are-are-are!

"You say I'm crazy; I got you crazy; you're nothin' but a; womanizer."

I took a deep shuddering breath when she kept holding my hands and led me down the pathway in a way that reminded me a _lot _of Miss Leonhart and his _Bésame Mucho _song… She's a wonderful dancer and singer; I'll give her that much... But she's just so…angry…

And she apparently wants no part in trying to cover that up…

"Daddy-o, you've got the swagger of a champion! Too bad for you; you just can't find the right companion. I guess when you have one too many, makes it hard, it could be easy; who you are, that's just who you are, baby.

"Lollipop; you must mistake me, you're a sucker. To think that I, would be a victim, not another! Say it, play it how you want it; but no way I'm never gonna fall for you, never you, baby.

"Womanizer, woman-womanizer, you're a womanizer, oh! Womanizer, oh! You're a womanizer, baby! You-you-you are! You-you-you are! Womanizer, womanizer, womanizer!

"Boy don't try to front, I-I know just-just what you are-are-are! Boy don't try to front, I-I know just-just what you are-are-are!

"You got me goin'; you're oh-so charmin'; but I can't do it; you womanizer.

"Boy don't try to front, I-I know just-just what you are-are-are! Boy don't try to front, I-I know just-just what you are-are-are!

"You say I'm crazy; I got you crazy; you're nothin' but a; womanizer.

"Maybe if we both lived in a different world, yeah, it would be all good and I could be your girl. But I can't 'cause we don't you womanizer, woman-womanizer, you're a womanizer, oh! Womanizer, oh! You're a womanizer, baby! You-you-you are! You-you-you are! Womanizer, womanizer, womanizer!"

She stopped us abruptly and turned her back to me, and it took everything I had to not scream or sob or…_something; _she started moving her body up and down and kept looking at me over her shoulder, wagging her finger 'no', giving me the most mischievous smirk that I'd ever seen on anyone's face, and I _know _mine was beet red…

"Boy don't try to front, I-I know just-just what you are-are-are! Boy don't try to front, I-I know just-just what you are-are-are!

"You got me goin'; you're oh-so charmin'; but I can't do it; you womanizer.

"Boy don't try to front, I-I know just-just what you are-are-are! Boy don't try to front, I-I know just-just what you are-are-are!

"You say I'm crazy; I got you crazy; you're nothin' but a; womanizer."

And she kept singing while she walked a little ways ahead of me, bent down a little and raised her leg behind her and gave me a flirty giggle with her hand over her mouth and everything. I clenched my jaw and watched her walk over to one of those cars that they had on display for a sweepstakes or whatever.

I groaned and faced away and tried to drown out the sound of her voice. I officially have no idea what to do with her. If I sit her down and talk to her about this…crush…she's going to kill Ron. No, really; there is no doubt in my mind that she really would go kill him. She was just singing that to me to make me feel bad, and I already do. She accomplished her mission, but things just keep going downhill from here and there is no logical way to fix them at this point! And I can't just run and cry to Fleur about Chanel, because she can't do anything when she's hundreds of miles away…

Wait a minute…did I hear what I just think I heard? Tires screeching against marble…no…no… Chanel couldn't possibly be doing this… No…

I stepped aside casually, but I ended up tripping over my own feet when I realized what was _really _going on and I screamed while I managed to get out of her way, but screaming wouldn't save me; I had to run to get away from her, and I know she was cackling and going at a speed fast enough to scare me but not catch up to me…

"AHHHHH! CHANEL! CHANEL, GET OUT OF THAT CAR! STOP TRYING TO RUN ME OVER! ARE YOU COMPLETELY MENTAL?"

THIS KID IS SERIOUSLY TRYING TO RUN ME OVER IN A CAR THAT ISN'T HERS! WHAT THE HELL?

"Womanizer, woman-womanizer, you're a womanizer, oh! Womanizer, oh! You're a womanizer, baby! You-you-you are! You-you-you are! Womanizer, WOMANIZER, _WOMANIZER!"_

Oh my fucking God, she is serious! I scrambled up the stairs, but they were wide enough for her to follow me right up without any problem! Not even making a sharp turn when I got up the flight could stop her; she was right on my ass, still yelling at me that I'm a womanizer, even though I'm not!

I ran full speed towards a large glass wall of one of the stores and made another sharp turn, and she did…get a little distracted…but she just turned and kept going. Not even driving straight into the wall, shattering it all across the ground could faze her; she just changed gears and turned to keep chasing after me. Good Lord, what the hell is wrong with her?

"Baby, can't you see? I'm callin'; a guy like you should wear a warnin'! It's DANGEROUS; I'm fallin'! There's NO escape! I can't wait! I need a hit; baby give me it! You're DANGEROUS! I'm lovin' it!

"Too high; can't come DOWN! Losin' my head; spinnin' 'round and 'round! Do you feel me now?

"With a taste of your lips, I'm on a RIDE! You're toxic and I'm slippin' under! With a taste of a poison paradise! I'm ADDICTED TO YOU, DON'TCHA KNOW THAT YOU'RE TOXIC?"

…I should stop. I should stop. But I'm afraid that if I stop that she'll run me over and laugh… I kept running and running and panting and almost sobbing, but she just kept after me. This mall was too wide and endless to hide anywhere, and there were ZERO small corners…

God, what the hell could make her this demented? I know she TOLD me she is in my dream, but what the bloody hell?

"When I hit the door, leavin' with my bag! Hit the scene in MY NEW WAGON! Bet he gonna wish he knew the type of FUN I'm gettin' into! Good boo he good; doin' things you wish you could! He's not talkin'; he's just walkin' like them city boys from New York!

"This time I need a SOLDIER! A really bad ass soldier! That know how to take, to take care of me; I'm so damn glad that's OVVVERRRR!"

"CHANEL, STOP! I GET IT! I GET IT I GET IT I GET IT! I'M SORRY!"

"OOH, OOH BABY, TOUCH ME AND I COME ALIVE! I CAN FEEL YOU ON MY LIPS; I CAN FEEL YOU DEEP INSIDE!"

"CHANEL, _PLEASE! _YOU'RE GOING TO GET ME **KILLED **IF YOU KEEP THIS UP!"

"Another night sweatin' like a whore in a church! You got the tools; go ahead and WORK! I like you thinkin' I'm as big as a fist! Hey you gotta move on so don't burst TOO quick!"

"STOP! STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!"

"Can you please this girl a little? Can you TEASE this girl a little? Take it back, on your lap, take your time, move around and keep it up all night!"

"CHANEL VALENTINE DELACOUR! YOU'RE BEING DESPICABLE AND CRUEL RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING! NOW **STOP!**"

She sped up and I screamed when she drove right past me and turned so that when she finally stopped, the car was blocking my path. I collapsed to the ground and devoured at every bit of oxygen around me while she got out of the car, shut the door, and looked down at me. She didn't look angry, and I know I did, but seeing her look at me with such a soft expression made me forget my anger. Well…sort of…

I think, at this point, I was angrier at Britney Spears for making those songs… I can't really be angry at Chanel; I know she's missed me for all of these years. And yet now she had the chance to move on from that, and she was doing this? I don't know; Fleur told me she's a calm person. Anger management can't be an issue…

Unless she was just holding everything in all this time…

"Chanel…I know you're angry…but can we just go back home and talk about this if you're not going to buy anything? I'm honestly sorry about what I've done to you… I don't know how many times I have to tell you that to get you to forgive me, but talking does help.

"Not singing songs with an obvious undertone, not trying to run over your mother and wrecking the mall, or even ignoring me for weeks on end. I wouldn't be sitting here t-trying to _f-fix _things with you if I didn't care about you! I love you, and I don't want you to be angry anymore… I'm here now…so can you just vent to me with words and not destructive actions like this…?"

"I think, for now, being angry is my prerogative."

"But I don't want you to be angry! I want a relationship with you, Chanel…"

"Mmm…"

She just…kept staring at me for a moment before she got back in the car. She started it back up with no obvious intention of running me over, and turned around to drive it back where it was. But before she did, she sat there for a few seconds before she said something that just…

…ran me over…

"And this is the sound of me not caring."

I clenched my jaw and ran my hands through my hair while she sped off. She just left me there, alone. I think a few hours passed with me just sitting on that floor, rocking back and forth, trying to figure out how to handle her, even though every sign she's giving me is pointing to the 'give up now, or else' direction…

But I can't do that… I just can't… I need to help her.


	77. Ludicrous

_A/N_

_This chapter was eaten by a House Elf. It will be retrieved in due course. Maybe._

_The next chapter makes evident what happened anyway._


	78. Locked Up

Day Unknown.

_**LXXXI. **__Locked Up_

_(Chanel's POV)_

Hmm…alright, so maybe I fucked up. I didn't think Papa would actually leave Hermione and me in here for so long. She and I haven't talked; she's been busy sulking alone. This room is designed just like one for the mentally unstable, very similar to the one in their dream except there are no peepholes. My bathroom is still accessible, but the door won't lock. There's an endless supply of food in there, too. But, really, she and I have been sitting in silence for what feels like days now. _I've _eaten. She hasn't.

But still…it's kind of dark in here. I did just wake up, but Hermione looked like she hadn't slept all this time. I guess…a dream I had just now made me snap out of this.

I went to go sit next to her against her side of the room. She didn't move at all. That letter and whatever else Papa slipped under the door has still gone untouched because I know she left some sarcastic note about her birthday. I'll get to it later.

So yeah, I know, you're wondering how I feel about Hermione. Duh. But to be honest, I don't like her like _that _anymore. I just find it amusing to torture her. Well, _found. _It's not so much fun without my iPod or my wand. And I don't think I'd get a reaction out of her anyway. But I'm not stupid; she _thinks _she knows how I feel about her. She _thinks._ Ron has a really big mouth; I remember Hermione bruising him about her dirty little secret. There are just so many things of hers that I know, and I usually only remember them again unless someone mentions it or shows me somehow.

Since she was sitting against this cushiony wall with her legs extended out, I took the opportunity to straddle her. She swallowed and looked me straight in the eye, and I looked at her with a straight face. I guess, perhaps, we should talk. It's been days.

And I'm not sugarcoating jack shit, either.

"I'm not in love with you, Hermione."

"What?"

"Hah, see; you knew! Ron's such a blubber mouth. I heard him shouting down the street last month. And you thought it had everything to do with the way I was treating you? Hardly."

"But…but…"

"I know mine is wonderful; fine as it is. But you can't have it. You have my father, regardless of how much you think I look like her."

"What…makes you _think…_I…eh…"

"Your pupils always widen whenever you look at me. And you blush a lot. I'm not stupid, Hermione. It's actually quite the turn-off. Like, oh my gah, incest!"

I laughed at the shocked look on her face. You know, I think I'm actually more comfortable with myself now that she's sort of taught me how to smile and laugh. I just had to learn in a sort of twisted way how to pick up on it. I haven't had this much fun in my life; not having Papa around to sort of suffocate me has done wonders. Well, she doesn't _suffocate _me. Not really. I just feel this need to always be perfect and calm when it comes to her.

But not with Hermione. That's just no fun at all.

"Chanel…b-but…you _used _to like me…right?"

"Ouais."

"Huh?"

"French for 'yeah'. You must learn other languages, Hermione."

"I know French…just not a lot of slang."

"Hm…? That doesn't sound right at all!"

"What…?"

I bit my lip and grinned while I put my hands at either side of my legs and kept straddling her thighs. I kept my body erect and lifted my head up a little and to the side. Pretending to dry hump her and seeing the look on her face at my words, not just my mocking actions, was so wonderful…

"Ohh…Hermione… Je le hais. Fait des allures-retours avec mes doigts jusqu'à ce que je sois si excitée—"

"Okay, okay! I get it! Please stop!"

I laughed and abided her wishes. She still remembers that little tirade of hers in the shower. Hermione talking dirty to my father about masturbating to get off stopped grossing me out after about the sixth time I dreamt about it…

"Chanel…I know you have all of my memories, too. I'm sorry…"

"Why are you sorry?"

"You've seen everything I've seen up until I had you…I know it must be…traumatizing."

"Mmm…yes. And no. It's stopped bothering me. Kind of."

"Kind of…?"

"I think what made me snap out of all of this was a nightmare I had just now. I'm sorry."

"It's fine…but…what was your…nightmare about?"

"I felt it."

"Hm?"

"I felt your pain."

"Wh-when…? Where? How?"

"You were eighteen. I felt it everywhere; I felt your screams ripping out of my throat; I felt the pain. Malfoy Manor. Bellatrix. Cruciatus…curse…eh. I'm over it."

I felt a pang in my heart when I barely saw tears glazing her eyes. I got up before she could smother me or something; I don't do well with touching. Not like that. I finally wandered over to what was supposed to be the door and found the letters and whatever else Papa slipped in here. Hogwarts…?

She already opened my mail, apparently. Dance…? Oh… Eh. I already told Papa I would take her with me. And figures; here's her sarcastic letter. But this…badge. No way…

"Is that a…Head Girl badge? Oh, Chanel that's so wonderful!"

I whipped around and Hermione was right behind me. I hid the badge behind my back and looked at her eyes just barely below mine. She looked confused. But I didn't _want _to be Head Girl…the fuck?

"You don't look very happy about it…"

"Um…"

"Let me see it, please…"

I sat down against the wall and set the letters aside. She sat right next to me and I had no choice but to hand it over. I was irked that she was probably going to judge me when her eyes finally took in the silver and green on the damned thing.

Might as well get _this _talk over with, too…

"So yeah…I'm in Slytherin."

"Oh…"

"I bet you thought I was in Gryffindor, didn't you?"

"Well…yes."

"Hmph. Well, Papa thought I was going to be in Ravenclaw, I guess. Ron and Harry looked at me funny when I told them I'm in Slytherin. It was like I had to be their rivals now, even though it's been nearly thirty years since they were students. George didn't mind. Of course Draco was proud. I guess ever since then I've been more malicious to everyone except for Papa and Draco. Plus, Harry and friends started some kind of We Hate Hermione club around the same time I told them about my Sorting results. They think I'm evil just because I'm in this House, and they blame you for it.

"But to be honest, they're letting their lives revolve around a fucking seventeen-year-old. I mean, they're old or whatever, yeah, but I think I snapped out of whatever rebellious mode I was in once Draco told me what they've been saying about you. But I still hate…hated…you."

"I…you…you don't hate me?"

"No. What's the point. I wanted to hate you to forget about my so-called feelings. But now that they're gone, there's no point in hating you. Anyone else but you would have given up on me a long time ago. And yet you never did. I don't understand it."

"I love you."

Her voice was just a whisper and she was letting her head rest on my shoulder. I know my face was hard, and I sighed through my nose while I tried to figure out if she really meant that or not. For some reason, it hurt me to hear her say that. It was…awkward…or something.

"You're the first person who's actually _told _me that, you know. I know you said it before, but not like this."

"Fleur hasn't…?"

"No. Didn't know how, I guess. I sometimes wonder if she had a small instinct to make me afraid to show affection to other women."

"Why would she do that?"

"The main reason is showing me affection right now."

"…oh. But…why did you like me? I mean…well…"

"It was just an infatuation with a distant parent kind of thing. I knew it wasn't anything that serious because I wasn't jealous of Papa at all. I get the feeling I'm not a normal person."

"Why's that?"

"All I have to do is sigh and I'll have a porno playing in my head. I don't feel anything. I don't think I'm traumatized by it, or your other memories, but you're the first person that's made me feel something, even if it did burn out. Haven't you noticed that all I've been doing is singing love songs, and songs of appreciation to you?"

"…I guess I didn't."

"Your hope for this situation with you and I has been depleting like your beauty. It all fell to the floor just like you did that night Papa got back. I don't know; maybe I was just testing you."

"You were confused… Seventeen is a difficult age."

"Hmph, yeah; throwing random tantrums with cars and suggestive dancing and hating yourself because you think you're a sicko for liking your mother. That's real difficult."

"It's fine, really…you know I had that same issue. I just didn't go so far as to flirt with my mum."

"We Veela are coquettish by nature, aren't we…? And emotional, bi-polar, angry, catty, bitchy, and PMS'ing twenty-four seven at this age. And yet I didn't succumb to this nature until I finally saw you again. But it doesn't matter. Nothing else matters. I'm over it."

"You're sure?"

"If not, I'd be flirting with you now. I find it funny how you fell for my nice act that first night, though. Draco would be proud of me if he knew."

"That man…he's a wonderful example that not all Slytherins turn out to be evil people…and you are not evil, Chanel… You smile and laugh with me, even if before you were doing it because I was suffering…but who am I to say I didn't deserve it…? I'm glad…it's out of your system…and maybe now…we can be…friends."

"Hmph. You're my mother and you wanna be my friend?"

"It's a good start…at least you called me your mother…"

"I'm still calling you Hermione."

"That's fine…I still love you…don't ever forget that…"

"Mhm…I love you too."

"Mmm…thank you…"

And then she finally fell asleep. I sat there for a while until I finally looked over my other shoulder and saw a crack in the wall. I lodged a finger through it and managed to open the door. What the hell? She unlocked the door and didn't bother to tell us, I guess. How nice of her.

I carefully sat Hermione upright again before I opened the door all the way. She really was knocked out; not even me picking her up could stir her. I took her into her bedroom and Papa was asleep too. I laid Hermione right next to her under the duvet and saw our wands right on the bedside table. I snatched mine up and let my eyes linger on the sight on the bed for a moment.

So they're finally together again, huh… But I know Papa's still a little confused about how to treat Hermione. Hmm. Well…I guess they'd work things out eventually. But before that…

I went in their closet and found Papa's trademark outfit and sunglasses, just because it makes me more confident.. I put it on over my clothes and went back to my room before either of them woke up or if I got the idea to just stare at them again. Back to my room I went, and I took off the enchantment. The cushiony walls disappeared and my room was back to normal. Hopefully Hermione and I didn't waste too much time in here; I had to meet Squall at some time. I was praying that tonight was the night while I tapped my bookcase four times and reached in the compartment that appeared.

I know they'd be freaked out if they found out I have a gun, and they'd be even more freaked out if they knew Squall, his friends, and me are the reason why they haven't been harassed by more homophobes.

And if Hermione knew, maybe she wouldn't have thought that I hated her completely all this time. But I know if she knew, her heart would break even more than Papa's. Nothing else matters, though…

I hurried to write a decent note for them and left it on my desk before I disapparated to Zell's place. Hermione probably hasn't even noticed that I've been gone for long periods of time on some nights. But I guess that's a good thing.

* * *

The second I got there, Squall smiled at me and clapped me on the back while he, Zell, Cloud, Vincent and Cid were just getting ready to leave. I nodded to them and ran a finger along this shotgun.

"Nice of you to show up on time, kiddo."

"I was locked in my room with Hermione."

"Oh…so you worked things out with her?"

"Yeah…we're fine."

"I apologized to her, too. No worries. I guess it was just so ironic that we're doing this for her and Fleur if we were treating her so horribly…"

"It's in the past now. So anyway, when can we just take out Josie already? I bet you anything she's trying to figure out Hermione's bank information."

"I told you we have to work our way up. But I'll tell you what; while you were out, we did manage to get her little scheme busted. The guys and I set up a fake gay bar and we had actual police there. The bad thing is that Josie wasn't there; she probably knew it was a set up. But still, the police are on the lookout for that kind of activity."

"Alright…so what do you want me to do tonight?"

"Use that thrall of yours to let us get into Martin's house. We'll see if he has anything worth using against Josie. If he tries to hurt you, then we've got you covered. Bullets are faster than incantations, you know that."

"I know, I know; you've told me a million times."

"Yeah, I know. Anyway, you ready?"

"Uh huh."

"Be extra careful, now. You just made up with Hermione…"

"I…know."

And I think this was the first time I was actually scared for my life. Not because my life would be over; but because Hermione wouldn't have her _friend _anymore. But if I let those thoughts distract me, I'd screw up anyway. I took a deep breath and put her in the back of my mind for now.

Still…now I think I know why Squall doesn't let himself be with Draco anymore. Draco is his weakness. And I think Hermione is mine, even though I don't like her like that anymore…

Damn you, Hermione…


	79. Lying and Lieing

August 28th

_**LXXXII. **__Lying and Lieing_

_(Fleur's POV)_

Sleep wove in and out of me just like a thread. The pin stuck me just long enough for me to dream briefly, but the dreams were never fun. I would always wake up to the smell of Hermione's perfume. She was holding me, cradling my head just under hers, her body as inhumanely close to me as possible because I needed her. I felt myself wanting to toss and turn in my sleep, but she kept me stable and woke me from any and all nightmares I had with her tender strength.

Dreams of fists and shouts and hisses and falling outs. Nightmares of nails, wails, broken sails and realized fails. I'm used to the nightmares, but I'm not used to having them while the Hermione not in my dreams is holding me, trying her best to make it all stop. I don't know how long we've been doing this; it feels like days that I haven't been able to open my eyes. I was just barely able to crawl out of bed the other day and take the lock off Chanel's door, all the while praying that one of them would notice that it was open. I needed Hermione then. I need her now. She's here now.

And yet I just can't find the will to wake up.

It just seems so easy to lay here and let the world pass us by. I know Hermione would stay with me. She would. She is. Relaxation and a need to be lazy in between trying to remember that the nightmares are just nightmares and nothing more seem to come easy with her here. Things always seem so much simpler and harder with my Hermione with me. Simper in the sense that she has no problem with taking care of me, just like she promised she would. But harder because I know I have to snap out of this.

Even just laying here with her, I feel a familiar glaze coat my eyes with a dab of repose to go along with it. She's speaking softly to me. Maybe that's why…

"Even if you can't hear my voice, I'll be right beside you…"

Hermione is the only thing right in my life right now other than Chanel. I've had so many months of sleepless nights, even after we got back together. I still have an almost childish need to be in her arms all the time. It never left me, even after all these years. She's never left me, and I feel horrible now for spiting her in my thoughts and ravaging her beauty and essence and power over me while I imagined her sitting in what used to be my office. It wasn't fair, I'd tell myself. It wasn't fair that she was oblivious to all that we'd shared together while I had to sit within myself every day and night, praying and nearly dying for her touch. It wasn't fair that we were both so beautiful and I was the one who was hiding behind my own beauty to forget about hers. I never could; I never did; I never will.

Even now, I just want to melt into her because of how warm she is. The duvet was negligible; Hermione kept me warm enough on this summer night. I feel every single one of my heart beats tap a little more appreciation for her every single time. A little more, and a little more, and soon my breaths are thin and I feel my devotion for her tattooed on my chest. I almost see it etched on the inside of my eyelids, and that is the projection I keep looking at to lie to myself; to lie myself to sleep but lie out of my dreams. A deep, scarred part of my mind wants to hate Hermione, but this what I feel inside of me, for her, is not hatred.

But this dream Hermione could certainly give the real Hermione a run for her money…

* * *

I knew I was dreaming, but for some reason, that didn't wake me up. There was, of course, a bed, a me, a Hermione, and a smirk on Hermione's face. I was sitting on the bed, looking up at her with a bemused expression. We were both wearing our usual pajamas of very short shorts and sleeveless tank tops. But something was very wrong with this picture. The bit of moonlight grazing her face made her smirk look so malicious. I don't know how or why, nor do I ever remember seeing her mouth curl up in such a fashion.

She put her hands on my shoulders and led me down to the bed while she straddled my waist. I felt a very familiar fluttering sensation, looking up at her like this. Even if she was looking at me differently, I still felt very powerful tinges of attraction for her while I observed her dark hair and equally dark eyes. There was something very sinister about herself, most especially her soft voice while she spoke to me. But it was sinister and…evocative at the same time. _Oh so _evocative that I completely succumbed to the haze I felt in my eyes coming right from where our bodies met.

"You never answered my question…how much am I worth to you? Nothing at all? The world? Everything?"

Whatever response I thought I had was muddled in my throat and mind when she moved her hand to my navel. I arched into her and tensed while I shut my eyes from the sudden attack of hormones; all she had to do was inch her fingers down a little down my shorts, but not far enough, and yet I still exhaled loudly once I let my body relax.

A torpid, cool breeze enshrouded me in between my legs when she pushed my shorts down. My legs felt so exposed, but the arousal I felt kneading at every inch of my insides made everything else so negligible. Hermione was in control; I felt her drink it all up when she left my shorts alone and moved her fingers back to my navel…

I couldn't respond and she knew it. Something was stirring inside of me while she inched her nails down, stopping right in between me, on the border of skin and a tender something more. I writhed with a frustrated arousal again, and she just laughed softly, almost evilly at my anguish. But it was a sexy laughter…I'll give her that much.

"It's so wonderful to see you like this…so tell me…or at least respond in any way you can… Words aren't _that _necessary. Not those kinds of words, at least… I'll show you what I mean."

Her finger moved but one centimeter back and forth, teeming on that border, going over and back again with a deliberate delicacy… I responded to her; I closed my eyes and felt my head slack to one side on my pillow. A very dull ache was coursing through my torso, and it nearly jumped up with my head just barely following when she started rubbing just a little faster.

I heard very small whimpers escape my throat while she kept smoothing my name out of hers, so softly, so slowly; so sexily that I almost felt myself climax from that alone. I felt myself breathing her name over and over again with a gentle need, the mere possibility of this just being a dream long forgotten.

Another nail I felt on me, and she moved down just a little more and rubbed at the source of my ever increasing moisture. She never slid inside of me; she never did more than rub in circles, driving my arousal higher and higher, so slowly and mercilessly, nearly driving me insane…

"Ohh…Fleur…look at you…you're so…beautiful…so beautiful when you're like this…"

A groan left me when she stopped rubbing. A louder, deeper, throaty exhale left me when she moved her hand up a little and let one nail put pressure on me. My torso jumped again but my eyes never opened.

Hermione moved her head down to whisper in my ear; my head was still to the side, and I swear I was getting off more from just mumbling her name over and over again. I couldn't help it; I wouldn't; I _needed _her to help me right now. I needed her to wash my troubles away with the touch of her hand…

"A little teasing goes a long way… Besides, how many nights have you dreamt about me doing this to you? How many days have you spent looking at other brown-haired brown-eyed women, wishing they were me? How many _years _have you spent masturbating, love? Don't lie to me, now…"

A shallow breath flew from me with a small moan; Hermione was being manipulative. Hermione was controlling me with only two fingers. Hermione was gyrating her hips ever so slightly, sending near dangerous signals where she met me with her hand and yet again in my torso. Any and all control I could ever hope to have or gain slipped out of me, but I didn't come. She wanted me to. Her husky breaths and whispers in my ear were egging me on, begging me more, making me almost too hot and frustrated and bothered that I wasn't. Not…yet…

I've dreamt about this exact scenario hundreds of times… I've nearly _castrated _myself for even letting my eyes linger on other women for more than a split second. I _have _masturbated, Hermione. I've masturbated to you, whimpering YOUR name, wishing YOU were here because _my _hand can only do so much…

But my soft calling of her name, still, told her everything she needed to know. I couldn't open my eyes, I couldn't stop anything I was doing; she was doing. It was an impossibility to even think that she would ever stop lying on top of me and not letting me lie at all to her with my near irritated arousal at her teasing.

And then I felt her free hand on my back, lifting my limp body up just a bit. My legs fell to the side, but she made me keep one on the bed and the other spread open just enough for her to keep going. She stopped her teasing and I nearly convulsed when she used both of her fingers to flick back and forth; slowly, at first. Then she sped up more and more and kept at that same speed. Oxygen fell apart inside of me and I shut my eyes, still whimpering her name because I still had no control…

I had my head hung just at her shoulder in shame, wanting her to stop but never stop at the same time… I don't know. I don't know I don't know I don't know why I think she's being so…strange. Almost like a rapist… but I felt the tension building and I didn't care. I didn't care I didn't care I didn't care that she was being strange and seductive and suspicious. Regardless of anything, I love her… I love her, I trust her; even this Hermione… I trust her with everything, because I'd be a fool to forsake her, even if she ever did betray me. I have no power. I have no control…

My torso kept jetting up and down like a sputtering motor, just waiting for me to get off. The more I kept whining her name, moaning it and whimpering and hissing her name, the more I felt myself build; Hermione, Hermione Hermione _Hermione _please, Hermione please… Don't stop.. I couldn't think of anything else. I couldn't see anything else but my everlasting love for her drenched over my eyelids.

Every gallon of tension I'd made myself build for over, over her, _dying _to be with her felt like it was getting ready to burst just underneath her hand while she laughed softly in my ear, still whispering so huskily that I'm beautiful…so beautiful, Fleur…so beautiful…

All the nights and even some lonely days I'd spent like this, with my own hand, came flying back to me right with every instance we shared many an intimate moment doing this to each other. My thoughts were clouded with nothing but the respite of arousal we'd given each other, shared, not stolen, and I just could _not_ stop whimpering her name…

My thighs were trembling and I couldn't stop them. I nearly felt like I was having a seizure with everything swarming me, the pool so desperately wanting to burst in between me, and Hermione's fingers still flicking because my moans were filling her ears too nicely for her to stop. I opened my mouth and devoured the last of her aroma with a throaty inhale before that in and of itself, on top of me getting off from whimpering her name, made me moan so loudly when I finally felt everything spill in between my legs and I almost blushed while I listened to it pour from me and onto the sheets. But Hermione just laughed and breathed contentedly in my ear; I felt a similar smile tug at my face because I was that…dizzy.

Or maybe I was just that…stupid.

* * *

"Fleur! Fleur wake up! Wake up, _please!"_

"…'Ermione… 'Ermione… 'Ermione… 'Ermione, 'Ermione, 'Ermione…"

"You l-look like you're having a seizure! Wake up!"

My eyes still felt like they were glued shut and my voice still wanted to keep whimpering her name over and over again. I _know _I felt myself spill just now… I know I did. But it was just…a dream… A dream when the real woman is right next to me, trying her hardest to wake me up. I willed my body to stop its spasms and her breaths calmed down ever so slightly. I made my voice stop and forced my eyes open.

Hermione was still holding me, my head was still resting comfortably on her chest, her breasts my makeshift pillows, and I was holding her, our legs entwined, navels close, and hearts closer. I breathed a sigh of relief and my eyes fluttered closed and let the warmth from her and the duvet overtake me. It was just a very, very vivid dream…that's all.

"Are you alright…?"

"I was dreaming…that's all it was."

"Do you want to…talk about it?"

"Mmpf…it was just a vivid wet dream with you in it. Nothing…to worry about."

"…oh."

"You were quite…sexy and manipulative, 'Ermione… Your words were coated with a very thick arousal for me. You touched me, teased me a little, sweet talked to me, made me come. And that was it… Mmm. Is it odd to 'ear me speak like this?"

"No, Fleur. You can tell me anything, you know that. I just don't see myself being s…err…well…"

"Hmm, you don't see yourself being sexy…? 'Ermione, 'Ermione, 'Ermione; you 'aven't learned a thing after all this time… All you 'ave to do is be around me, whether it's in my thoughts or quite literally, and you're sexy. But I think the dream was trying to…tell me something…"

"What's that…?"

Her breaths were hitching ever so slightly, and I felt a gentle thud on my eyes, pushing them closed even more so than they already were. Her patience was such a warm lullaby…like warm milk…

Or the warmth I felt seeping through to my thigh, perhaps…

"I'm still so…frozen."

I heard her shift slightly just as she inhaled, trying to conceal how sharp it was, but failing enough to paint a small smile on my face. Her lips prodded my eyes closed even more still with her warm kisses, her warm understanding, her warm arms around me…

Was it a sin to just want to wash myself away, and be forever clean with this warmth of hers? Was it wrong to just want to lay here with her, to run away from the lie that is the existence of anything beyond this house? No…

But my nightmares kept telling me that they were. Still, I was glad her warmth prickled me enough just before they got too bad to wake me up.

Nothing is ever going to take my Hermione away from me ever again…not even myself.

* * *

August 29th; Diagon Alley.

Hermione and I had our hands interlaced while we walked down this crowded street that afternoon with Chanel. There was an unusual amount of people staring lately. But no, I mean people barely gave Hermione and me a second glance before they were gawking at Chanel. She looked very moody and somber today. Maybe it was just because of the attention she was receiving. But she was purposely listening to her iPod to drown everyone out like she always does, and based on her odd behavior from the other night, I was expecting her to be in a better mood.

She wasn't, though. Her music was blaring, her eyes were glaring, and I nearly stabbed a large group of boys that obviously went to Hogwarts; they were staring so hard at her skirt that they might have ripped it off like I know they wanted to if they kept at it. Hermione was doing her best to squeeze my hand every now and then and snap me out of it, but I was still concerned that Chanel was staring at her feet. Her shirt was of that Finnish band she likes. Apocalyptica, I think it was. I don't mind that she listens to a very broad variety of music in at least seven different languages. But I do mind that she's clammed up ever since she and Hermione supposedly made up.

Still, people were staring at her with a disgusting amount of disregard that they were, in fact, staring. Even some girls were staring just as hard as the boys were. I don't know which, or if both, was making her uncomfortable. I get the feeling that she doesn't like people like that, but I could be wrong.

We entered Flourish and Blotts, and Chanel handed the list to the clerk and let her find all of her textbooks. Hermione caught sight of the long list and I could tell she was bursting at the seams to have a discussion about all of Chanel's courses. But I don't think she'd be too happy to hear that Chanel thinks she forces herself to do well in school. Maybe that's changed now.

Even though Chanel was facing the wall the entire time, waiting for the clerk to get back, people were still ogling at her. None of them were sparing Hermione and me even one glance at this point. Hermione was too busy slowly floating away from me to look at books, but I paid her no mind. I just couldn't fathom how or why people were tripping over their own feet to look at our daughter. Her thrall might have been going off out of irritation, so of course I wouldn't feel it. Well, maybe if she weren't wearing a mini-skirt, a fitting shirt, or thigh high boots, she wouldn't be having this problem. I still don't understand her need to dress like this, even more so now that she seems to be irritated by the attention she's getting.

"Chanel?" I tapped her on the shoulder just in case she didn't hear me.

No response… Okay. At any rate, the clerk came back with all of her books, and I finally felt Hermione hover back to my side, even though I never let go of her hand. But maybe she let go of mine or something. You know how Hermione gets around books. Anyway, she paid for Chanel's books, and smiled when Chanel mumbled a thank you and levitated her books in front of her while we left.

Hermione and I followed her, and the crowd in front of us seemed to part while she walked. It must be her thrall. I stopped worrying a little while we walked into the Apothecary. It seemed to me like she was picking out more than necessary, and some ingredients that probably weren't even on her list. I know she's taking N.E.W.T. level Potions, but still. It was just an odd feeling. And yet Hermione paid for everything without a second thought. Hermione honestly has a wonderful heart but her money management skills leave a little more to be desired… I made a note to teach her how to keep track of it a little better when I get back in a few months.

Still…that brings up a good point. I kept wondering about the rest of my trip while we followed Chanel to Gladrags for her to get fitted for new robes. I swear she grew at least five inches over the summer, driving Hermione crazy. At any rate, once I get back to work, I'm staying in one city the entire time up until they let me go back home. I _could _take Hermione with me… Chanel will be in school, so Hermione won't need to look after her. But even if she weren't, I know Chanel can take care of herself.

I leave tomorrow, though. My nightmares aren't my driving force of my decision to not ask her to come with me; honestly, holding her hand like this, watching Chanel on this stool getting fitted, makes me feel at ease. I don't have to worry about stupid demons or whatever else that any other time would come to bite me in the ass. Still, the way Chanel mostly has her back to us, looking down at the clerk over her shoulder behind her makes me wonder about something. _She _doesn't bother to cover up her emotions anymore. Ever since Hermione came back, she's stopped doing that. She doesn't lie to anyone; if she thinks something, she'll say it right to their face. If she's having a bad day, she doesn't try to be nice and considerate to others.

Chanel doesn't lie to anyone with her actions. I am right now. Hermione isn't; she doesn't have to. Or does she? I suspect she feels fine now that Chanel's forgiven her, and I have. Our friends are supposed to come over later for a while, mainly to congratulate Chanel on getting Head Girl. It was Hermione's idea. At least Chanel smiled at her while Hermione was nearly bouncing while she asked if it was alright. That smile made me wonder about something, though. I have never seen her smile before until that night of my birthday. I have never, ever even heard her laugh, not even chuckle dryly before. And yet Hermione brings that out so easily in her. Not right now, no, even though Chanel was brooding before we left.

I suppose Hermione is filling in the gaps that she made during her…needed absence. I never doubted that she would be able to. I just wonder if maybe I knew how to be a better parent, my daughter would have long since learned how to love someone. Sure, she does tell me everything, but maybe I was just fooling myself into thinking that because she's a good conversationalist. All these years, we've been comforting each other because of an unspoken truth that Hermione was gone. But now she's back, and here I am, fighting with myself because I still want her to _miss _me.

I don't understand it, and I feel like snapping at myself, just like Chanel's doing to the clerk who can't hurry the hell up and stop staring at her. I heard Hermione chuckle and squeeze my hand a little, and I made myself snap out of my odd reverie.

"She's awfully friendly today, isn't she?"

"I think she's just getting annoyed by the attention…nearly everyone in 'ere is staring at 'er."

"She's _seventeen_ and part Veela; of course they're staring."

"Oh…I know, but still. I'm surprised no one's looked at us."

"They have, Fleur. Besides, like it or not, we are rather famous. You haven't noticed the _Prophet _photographers milling about?"

"No…"

"Too caught up in your own thoughts, I see."

"You noticed?"

"When do I not notice things, love?"

An addicting mesh of warmth settled through me when she said that; so she does care. She honestly does… I guess she wasn't saying anything because we're in public. As she stood up with me to go pay for Chanel's robes, who almost looked like she was about to buy them herself, I felt the corners of my mouth lift up. Hermione beamed when Chanel thanked her again, though she still looked rather unpleasant.

I really wondered if it was just because people were staring.

* * *

We paid George a visit in his shop upstairs, and Hermione actually let go of my hand to follow after Chanel. Chanel didn't seem to mind so much. George looked extremely surprised when the three of us walked in his shop, anyway. I went over to him behind the counter and he regarded me carefully; I probably wasn't doing a good job at keeping up my happy act anyway.

"You don't look so well, Fleur. But I see you three are quite the happy family regardless."

"I'm still in a bit of disbelief, just like you might be…"

"Oh, well I haven't really been speaking to the others as much _because _of Hermione and Chanel."

"Hm?"

"You didn't know about the We Hate Hermione club?"

"We 'Ate 'Ermione club? What?"

"Err…I was gonna wait until everyone left this evening to tell you about it."

"Did they really name it that?"

"No. Chanel and Hermione kind of did. Not really. It's just funny because they both referred to it by that name when I asked them about it. You'd think they were the same person…"

"Oh…so I suppose I should be informed about this later?"

"Yes, later would be nice. I know you."

"Mhm…"

"Anyway, is there anything you'd like? Another strap-on, perhaps?"

"George…"

"Well, you told me you destroyed the one I gave you. I completely understood when you mentioned it, you know. But hey, Hermione's back and she's sane. And I don't…_think _she can get pregnant anymore."

"Menopause 'as paid us both a visit, yes…"

"So how 'bout it? On the house! I promise you it'll work. I haven't been selling them, but I'm sure the others I have made work."

"…oh what the 'ell, sure."

"Awesome! Hey, Isaac, watch the register for a bit. I'll be back. Come with me, Fleur."

I followed George to the back of the store while the boy named Isaac smiled at us and did as he was told. I still couldn't help but wonder what the hell this We Hate Hermione club was all about, though… A very eerie feeling was nagging me, telling me that this was probably the reason why George and the twins declined hanging out with everyone and preferred to just stick with me whenever I insisted that we go out.

Goddamnit, now; why were there always so many things to deal with? I'm fifty years old and I seemingly have friends who are still stuck in their preteen years. I know George is doing his best to keep me from going off on people, but now I'm just getting even more flustered by his smile while he was busy searching around in boxes in this dark room.

"Here we go! I don't know why I made the straps as chains, but maybe I was thinking something kinky. I dunno. Anyway, here." He shrunk it for me and I thanked him while I put it in my purse. "It ought to work. But why don't we sit and talk? You really don't look so well."

I shrugged and swallowed; I was feeling oddly light-headed all of a sudden. George conjured a table and chairs, and we sat down and put our elbows on the table while he left the tip of his wand illuminated. I thought back to all of those years ago on Hermione's twenty-eighth birthday when he and I had lunch that day. He was just trying to help, and, quite honestly, he has. I don't think I've ever thanked him properly for helping Hermione and me. Draco, either. Squall, I have. But not the other two.

"So what's up? Is it Hermione, or are you just having an off day?"

"Chanel and I both seem to be 'aving an off day, I think. She's been moody all day. 'Ermione and I are fine, but I can't 'elp but feel so…strange, still, even now."

"You're still not used to having her back?"

"No…but I _want _to. 'Alf of me feels 'appy that she's back, another 'alf wants to push 'er away… I don't understand it."

"Fleur…it's been eighteen years since you two were okay. You've been in love with her for nearly twenty. There have got to be some serious wounds that need healing, and Hermione being back isn't going to solve everything just like that. You need her support, right?"

"I do…even now, I just want to go back 'ome and lay in bed with 'er. I don't want to do anything else, but we 'ave a daughter. She 'as 'er needs, and I 'ave work to return to tomorrow."

"Fleur, Chanel has her own money. She didn't tell you?"

"No…?"

"She does commissions at school for a good bit of money. And let me tell you, she's a damn good artist. Never knew she could draw that well."

"There's something else I didn't know…"

"You're wondering why she's dressing the way she is now?"

"Yes…"

"Well, that's something I don't know. You did say she was a bit of a tomboy. Maybe she just grew out of it. Hermione might've helped or something, you know. I'm glad Hermione's been able to help Chanel so much, really. Aren't you glad?"

"I am, George. I am. But if Chanel could click so easily, then why can't I? Is there something…wrong with me?"

"You were affected the most, Fleur…so, no. There's nothing wrong with you. Have you talked to anyone about this?"

"No… 'Ermione and I barely 'ave. She's been giving me more emotional support without me needing to say a word. But I know we're eventually going to 'ave a full-on talk about it. She knows I'm not myself."

"Did you forget you have friends? I mean, I know you've talked to the twins and me about Hermione every single time we've gone to some upscale bar to drink or whatever, but we haven't been able to talk since you've been busy with work. I'm all ears now."

"Thank you, George… I just think I'm being silly, though. It's my wife. She's normal now. She's not going to click or anything. I think my nightmares keep trying to tell me otherwise, and it's been bugging me ever since we got back together."

"Fleur…this is going to take time. I think if you beat yourself up about this, it's just going to take even more time. But when you finally do let go of everything, you'll feel so much better. Don't rush it. Alright?"

"Alright, alright… Thank you. But you should probably get back to work. 'Ermione's probably wondering about me."

"Yeah. I'll see you later, though. We can talk when certain others decide to leave."

"Why can't you just tell me now…?"

"Because I know you're going to go off on them, regardless of who's around. Now trust me on this. Get going."

"Fine…"

"Oh you big baby."

I actually chuckled while we stood up and left the room. George was just trying to help, and I did appreciate him. But I'm still not sure why I felt a pang of jealousy when I saw Chanel smiling a little at Hermione on the other side of the shop. Even with all of the customers trying their hardest, some not so much, to stare at her, I ignored them. Chanel's never smiled at me before, not since Hermione left.

Maybe I _am_ still just a big baby…

* * *

Okay now. I'm not blind.

Chanel, Squall and his friends were sitting in one corner of the living room talking in hushed voices. George and the twins were talking to Hermione in another corner. Harry, Gabrielle, and Antoinette were looking at Hermione apologetically even though she was generally ignoring them. Ron was sitting with me, obviously trying his best to keep the topic of conversation on the upcoming snow and keeping his focus away from the three musketeers looking at Hermione apologetically. Draco was sitting next to me too, but he was busy staring at Squall.

I just _really _feel like there are at least a thousand secrets floating along in this room and I can't seem to grasp them right now because no one's _telling _me anything…

"S-so Fleur," Ron said in a squeaky voice. He finally noticed that I was glaring at my sister. "H-how are you? Your drink is looking rather…empty. Err."

"You might as well just tell me what's going on."

"You 'n Hermione are horrible people to keep secrets from…"

"So there is something…"

"You're going to get really pissed off…"

"I'll get even _more _pissed off if you don't tell me right NOW, Ron. I know it's that We 'Ate 'Ermione club thing. Now 'oo is in it and what 'ave they been doing?"

"…err…w-well, th-they were just confused, see? And they _tried _apologizin' to Hermione, but they can't seem to find a good time t-to do this. Squall's apologized! He has! Please don't be angry at him…"

"Just explain everything."

"F-fine…well…'round the time Chanel told us she got Sorted into Slytherin, Harry joked and w-wondered if Chanel was evil 'cause Hermione wasn't 'round…s-so so then Gabrielle 'n Blondie were over at our place…and they agreed. Ever since then…since they missed Hermione 'n they were confused, they just took to…insultin' 'er 'cause of what she did to you 'n Chanel. _I_ never said anything! Malfoy neither..."

"And when was someone going to tell me about this?"

"Y-you sound oddly calm… b-but I don't think anyone was plannin' on it…"

"And do you know _why, _Ron?"

"B-because you'd hurt a bitch if you f-found out…p-please don't tell 'em you 'eard this from me. M-malfoy, you too."

"'E's not even paying attention to you right now. And speaking of 'urting a bitch…"

"F-fleur p-please don't—"

"Why should I?"

"They realized their mistake…"

"Oh, I don't think so."

"Fleur…please… I'm _begging _you not to confront them or hurt them or do anything…"

I just sat there with my arms crossed, still glaring at Gabrielle. A very long time went by before they even took their eyes off of Hermione, who was _obviously _still ignoring them.

Just what the fuck did Hermione do to _them _specifically? And Harry of all people would NOT talk shit about his best friend! I understand why Hermione hasn't told me; she's obviously too pissed off to even think about them. Antoinette, I know she's a bit of a gossiper, and Gabrielle's her girlfriend so of course she'd chime in. But Squall…? I know I felt a swarm of insults pertaining to him being gay float through my mind, but I chose not to voice them. It's not right, regardless of what's been done.

Alright, so maybe they were just taking my side with the situation, and they were angry at what she's done. Whatever. But still, she didn't do anything to THEM at all! She's been nothing but the best friend possible for all of them. And after all we've been through, they should fucking KNOW better! Why would the real Hermione let herself be that way? I forgave her, and I get the feeling they were still talking shit even after I talked to Gabrielle and let her know that Hermione and I are back together. I should have known something was off when she didn't say anything…

And then Gabrielle finally made eye contact with me, and her eyes nearly bugged out of her fucking sockets when she saw how pissed off I was. Harry and Antoinette slowly craned their scary faces to me, not even giving Ron or Draco a glance.

They know I know.

The room was very silent. I could barely hear Cid and Vincent whispering to each other, and they were pissing me off, too. What the fuck were Squall, Cloud, Zell, Vincent and Cid doing with my kid that was SO fucking important and secretive? Was this why she's been so blah lately?

...

"Does anyone care to tell me why the FUCK everyone's being so goddamn secretive?"

I had stood up and I almost heard Ron whimpering behind me or something. Gabrielle stood and was trying to walk towards me with her hands held out, but I didn't want to deal with her bullshit.

NO ONE disrespects my wife….

"You! YOU of all people! Antoinette, Gabrielle, 'Arry, and SQUALL 'ave been talking shit about my wife be'ind my back, as if I wouldn't find out about the shit! What the FUCK made you think you 'ad the right to even THINK to spite 'Ermione, after all she and I 'ave been through with all of you? No, even after all SHE and I 'ave been through? You'd think that if I spent thirteen years being depressed and angry because she was gone, that I OBVIOUSLY still love 'er!

"If even _I _never said a bad word about 'Ermione, what the 'ell made you think YOU could? And on a regular basis? I don't know what you said, I don't _care _about WHAT you said, just so much the truth that you said SOMETHING about 'er. She 'as a bigger 'eart than all of you COMBINED and you put 'er down because you call yourself confused and justified because of what she did while she 'ad ZERO control over 'erself? What the fuck?

"You know I never yell and I never get so pissed off to the point where I'm spouting shit out of my ass because of 'ow fucking mad I am! And I'll be damned, if I knew exactly what you all 'ave been saying, that you'd even 'ave your 'eads still on your fucking necks… You four – do something else. I dare you. I WILL 'urt you if you do anything else to 'Ermione, or even Chanel. You're lucky that I don't do it now…

"And SQUALL LEON'ART, what the fuck are you doing with my daughter? She's been brooding and pissy lately, and I see you all over there whispering like we're in a damn monastery or something! Just what is going on?"

I tried to catch my breath and just barely noticed that Harry, Ron, Gabrielle, Antoinette, and Squall stopped mid-dash to the door. Squall ran a hand through his hair and sighed while he approached me carefully, and Chanel wasn't even looking at me. She was staring at her feet. Hermione was looking at me with a mix of fear and a tinge of appreciation. I know the twins were trying to stop themselves from cracking up, and I guess they made me calm down a little bit…sort of.

"Fleur…we're not doing anything with Chanel. I promise you. She's perfectly safe whenever she comes over to my place. She just told us she's not feeling herself lately, that's all. And I apologized to Hermione. I know I should have apologized to you too but I didn't know how without you blowing your top first. So, I'm sorry."

"I won't accept your apology, because I 'ave an odd feeling that you're lying to me about Chanel."

"Why would I lie to you? We've been best friends for twenty years. You helped me when no one else would. I'm in your debt."

Zell was looking at Squall pointedly, and Cid coughed loudly. Vincent and Cloud were trying to look brooding and inconspicuous among themselves. But for some reason, as if to make a point, Squall moved over to me and sat on Draco's lap. Draco didn't even move. In fact, if I didn't know any better, I thought he looked a little pissed…

After all these years of them being apart, once Zell gives him one look, he's all over Draco again?

"Oh uh uh, Squall. You're using Draco, aren't you? I swear Zell you need some tips on 'ow to be more discreet. Squall; get off of 'im. In fact, everyone just get out. I don't want to 'ear your excuses. I'm leaving tomorrow, and I don't want to 'ear from YOU FOUR again until I get back. Am I clear?"

Squall finally noticed the pissed off look on Draco's face while he nodded and stood up. He, Harry, Gabrielle, and Antoinette nodded and mumbled apologetic yes's to me before they disapparated. Ron stood up and clapped me on the shoulder with his paw before he disapparated too. Zell and his friends looked at me warily and tried to smile before they were gone in a pop, too. George winced at me and the twins smiled and nodded curtly to me before the three of them were gone.

Draco stood up and sighed while he brushed himself off and smoothed his hair down. I was calming down slightly, and his thank you helped a little more before he rubbed my back a bit and left. I got out my wand and made all of our cups fly to the kitchen and land gently in the sink before I wondered what the hell to say now.

"Chanel…was Squall lying to me just now? Are you really just 'aving an off day?"

"I don't know what's wrong with me, so, yes. Mood swings, I guess."

"Fine…I believe you. I'm still worried about you, though."

"I'll be fine. I'm going to study now. Good night."

She walked upstairs to her room, and I just barely heard her close the door behind her when she finally got there. I sighed and finally looked at Hermione again, and I felt my face relax and my lips parted a bit. Even though she was nearly twenty feet away from me, I could still see the appreciation painted all over her beautiful face. I know my eyebrows were raised a little and my eyes were glazed over from the way she was making me feel…

I saw her hips swing towards me in my peripheral vision, and my eyes stayed locked on to hers while I willed my legs to move to meet her half way at the very least. I forgot about my rage, and I was actually rather proud of myself for getting those _friends _of ours off her back for good. Speaking of her back…

The second we embraced, she apparated us to our dark bedroom, and she was on her back, looking up at me with a familiar sort of question glinting in her eyes. I took a moment to decipher it, to figure out if the way she was moving her hand down the front of my blouse was her way of asking me for something.

The way my stomach was prickling with warmth and my heart was slamming against me with nothing less than nerves should have been my answer. But she did say she wants me to tease her…not until New York, according to her dare… Hmm…

"Fleur…thank you."

I grinned stupidly and all thoughts about teasing her were essentially forgotten. She smiled warmly at me and I moved my hands to the bottom of her shirt. Hermione nodded to me, and I bit my lip while I winked at her and moved my head underneath her shirt to kiss her stomach. I got a gasp from that, and I kept planting my smiles up her shirt while she helped me take it off. God, it's been _so _long since I've had her…the _real _her…

Forget the teasing for now…

She slipped her shirt off and fumbled around to get rid of her bra before she worked on mine. I was still kissing her stomach, stopping only when she pulled my shirt over my head and kept at it while she threw it aside and did the same to my bra.

Hermione tasted faintly of almonds…and chocolate. Whatever body wash she's been using has my utmost approval, and I pretended like I was eating the most wonderful meal imaginable from the way I kept licking and sniffing and slurping at her stomach, her waist, her hips, her breasts, her chest, her neck, her shoulders, and finally her face. I cupper her face in my hands and arched on top of her a bit with my knees at either side of her while I finally let her taste the grin on my face while we closed our eyes.

I prodded her lips with mine, gently, at first. Just to re-familiarize myself with the feel of them. I remembered from so many months ago just what it felt like to kiss her like this. Where the soft parts of her lips were, where they ended, where my abandon ended and our devouring began. I felt her hands gloss down my waist and thighs and legs, and I shook off my barriers, all the while savoring the feel of her smooth hands edging down my skin while I prodded at her lips with my tongue this time. My teeth stopped to nibble on her lower lip just to make a point that I wanted to be inside of her right now. Her mouth, yes, of course. Among other things…

One of my hands moved to her breasts underneath my own, and let's just say her gasp made my begging a little easier, and I moved in to deepen the kiss in every way possible. Another hand, with hers over mine, moved to her waist and we pushed off the rest of her clothes, and my mind was going off because of how excited I felt just from knowing that we were so intimate right now. So aroused by each other…and no, no it was _not _another nightmare…

I smiled in her mouth and flicked at her tongue with mine and circled her lips with my own to eat her soft cry as much as I could. Any anguish and struggling and frustration I ever had with her dissipated around us and the sounds of bodies on cool sheets and hands smoothing down and around and up and over again filled my ears. Soft moans, gentle smacking of our lips and the subtle sounds of our tongues brushing with each other filled me up and I couldn't take it anymore; I broke the kiss, savored her small whimper of protest, and smiled my way down her body to kiss her navel.

The almond and chocolate filled my nose while I sniffed her and pressed my tongue down to feel the vibrations of her spasms underneath me. She was writhing a little bit just from me slowly inching down more and more, and I breathed a hot trail down while I traced her V with both of the nails of my index fingers. Her body jumped just a bit and I smiled at her loud whimper this time; Hermione is honestly the most sexily adorable woman…ever. God…

I moved my mouth, finally, right down to that border that she played with momentarily in my dream. My breaths were hot over her, and I used three fingers to rub her just underneath my lips to get her a little worked up. It worked; she arched her body up and let her head hang back, just like I did, and she kept her body like that and shook ever so slightly when I turned my head and pretended that her lips in between her legs were the luscious ones on her face and kissed her.

Hermione had her lips parted from what I could see, since her body was still arched so beautifully with me kissing her down here. I smiled at her pleasure; her breaths were so deep and guttural and blissful… I used my tongue to lap at what was seeping through my mouth, spread it in between her lips and used my whole tongue to put pressure to vibrate against her. And from the specific spot where I was vibrating on, I could tell that was still her spot. I don't think I ever did forget it… Her body jerking up a little and her legs hooking around me told me that much. And her long, wonderfully drawn out throaty moans, interrupted by hitches of whimpers told me over and over again while I used the tip of my tongue to lap at it and flick it over and over again… God she still tasted so damn good…

"Mmm…Fleur, Fleur please…"

"Please what…?"

I put my hands on her back to support her a little more and sped up my tongue. This time, _she _was the one whimpering _my _name over and over again while her body jolted up and down over and over and over again. My ears were nearly bleeding with pleasure and fulfillment just because I could literally feel everything building inside of her just underneath my mouth. It was an intense, yet still subtle vibration I felt. That, on top of Hermione using both hands to press my head into her more and more was almost _torture…_

And I loved every bit of it…

Her essence was a part of me, I felt it; so wonderfully smooth and slick in my mouth on my lips while my tongue kept making her body jolt more and more and whine my name with gusto and desire and arousal. Her smell was enthralling and riveting; it kept me going more and more. Muscles in my tongue that I never knew I had made me keep going, just like her _very _vocal stimulation. Even my body shuddered a bit when her legs finally started to tremble more and more, and soon they were unstoppable just like my relentless desire to forget about my pain and just keep her moaning and whining loudly just as she is now. I want her to get there; I want her to scream and be satisfied and to forget _with _me…

"Fuck…ffffuck…it's been so long…so long… Fleur, Fleur, Fleur Fleur Fleur please, please, please…please…!"

A scream really _did _fill my ears. Panting, whining, whimpering, moaning; she did it all… My deep chuckling probably did it, and my tiny whispers of her name right back to her; I finally felt her come and I moaned a little bit myself while I breathed hot air on her and licked her right up. Hermione calmed down a little and took deep breaths while I kept getting as much out of her as I could and kissed her and kept licking slowly.

Her hands on my head were pulling me up, and I obliged her wishes; she kissed me again and managed to flip us around at the same time. I almost gasped at her in surprise and her tongue sneaked inside of my mouth to lick at every bit of her that I couldn't swallow. I wanted to laugh though; she still had a dirty mouth when she was turned on immensely. My heart warmed up at the memory of damn near giggling at her cussing whenever we had sex in the past, and she probably sensed it from the way her hand started _groping _me in between my legs.

Well, damn; that shut me up…

I bent my legs a little and kept my feet spread out, just because I was surprised at how wet I was already and it was just from being turned on by her pleasure. I felt control seeping away from me and tingles of warmth come in to take its place all over my body while Hermione moved her mouth down to my neck and kept kissing me. Her hand slowed down just a bit, and I sighed and realized that I was starting to pant a little bit. But she caught me off guard…

Oh, Hermione… You kinky beast, you…

I screamed for the first time in a very, very long time, but my mind and voice were exploding with a painful arousal at the same time; Hermione shot her _entire hand _inside of me and moved her mouth up to eat my cries. Her breasts did their best to relax my chest from how it nearly felt like it was about to burst from the pain of my screams constricting inside of it. And…goddamn…she kept slinking her fingers inside of me and fucking me with her hand in a way that was so painful and yet such a HUGE turn on at the same time that I nearly forgot about the pain…

My eyes were wide open and I couldn't stop screaming, but her mouth kissing my wide open one muffled them as best as she could while she kept whispering my name to me. I kept shutting my eyes and letting them flutter open then shut closed again; she moved her free hand down to flick me just like in my dream, and my breaths hitched just like my body jerking up and down underneath her. Hermione's intensity right now was almost unbelievable, but it _has _been far too long since we've done this… Still… she's never had the boldness to fuck me with her ENTIRE HAND…

I really didn't feel like I was lying down anymore. The pain and the odd pleasure I was getting from this made me feel like I was riding air with her on top of me; our surroundings were forgotten and I felt more pressure build inside of me. Her hand inside of me was manufacturing it while her nails gently scratched my walls and her other hand was busy flicking me over and over again. My legs were weak and trembling, my mind was a pool of a building orgasm and everything in between my legs felt so…good…

The moment Hermione moved down to suck that spot on my neck, I felt my body take off and her hand inside of me took every gallon from my orgasm finally hitting. I moaned loudly for her and her soft laughter kept me going on for as long as I could, and I was so, so, so, soooo glad that I had Hermione here with me to help me let go of everything…

I panted and whimpered again when she slowly stopped flicking me and removed her hand with an _antagonizing _crawl that I dug my fingernails in her back and arched into her as much as I could. She was kissing away at every bead of sweat on my neck and face. I felt a searing moan leave me when she finally removed her hand and moved her head down to kiss the pain away. My head fell limp to the side of my pillow while I watched her with heavy lidded eyes, feeling my legs tremble again. Shit; all she had to do was flick her tongue at me for a few seconds longer and I felt more tension building…

Needless to say, we kept going on with this cycle for a very long time that night…

* * *

Our clock read three in the morning when we finally settled down and laid with each other under the warm duvet. She smelled of me, I smelled of her, we were almost tangled together comfortably and gazing into each others' eyes. We were both satisfied, spent, and still so stuck in la la land by the small smiles tugging on our faces. I was feeling so at ease…so glad that she was back in my life. I didn't want this nice shock to wear off any time soon. It reminded me so much of the nice shock we both felt from being newlyweds…

Our eyes were glazed over, and while I looked at the swirls of her eyes, I kept thinking back to how dark I imagined they were while she found her crazy adventurism with me that night. The wait was definitely worth it, though. I was almost _too _ecstatic that I had her in my arms like this.

"'Ermione… Please don't ever leave me again…I don't see 'ow I went as long as I did without you…"

"I'm not going anywhere, Fleur. You know that. I promise you I won't. I'm going to be on your ass no matter what you do to me or where you go."

"Mmm, that's a nice visual…"

"I know, isn't it? I'm still looking forward to you keeping that dare, by the way."

"You were really serious…?"

"Yes! I _am _serious."

"Alright… But you do know that I 'ave to go back to work today, right?"

"I know…"

"I'll…be back in late October since I took this time off. But I'm glad I did…it's been too long, 'Ermione…"

"It has… I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize… I should be the one apologizing for 'aving to leave you so soon."

Hermione moved her head to my chest and I smoothed a hand down her hair while I felt her body shudder a little bit. My eyes stung a bit when I realized that she was…crying. Now that I think about it, her eyes were glistening when I reminded her that I have to leave today. God…there was no easy way to say goodbye to her, but I couldn't be selfish and ask her to come with me…

But I think she was crying for more reasons that just me leaving and her staying here. When I whispered to ask her if our friends had hurt her feelings, she nodded and started sobbing… When I asked if she was crying to get rid of her pent up depression with Chanel, she nodded again…

And when I asked if she was crying because of our long separation before this, she held me tight with a need I haven't felt from her in a very long time. Her body never lies…

I felt horrible for not being able to let the question float from my lips for her to come with me. I wanted to come back to my hotel every night to her, I wanted her to kiss away the stress from work, and I wanted to sex away all of our pent up insecurities and apologies about all of this.

But why couldn't I ask her…?

A selfish part of me still wanted her to miss me, that's what it was. And another selfish part of me _wants _to tease her in December. Not for revenge…but for release. Isn't that just so horrible of me…?

Maybe…maybe not. I don't know… but she said she would be on my ass no matter what. And she's crying now because she just wants to lay here and hold me. I want the exact same thing from her, but the rest of our lives can and will get in the way at times like these. Most especially times like these, it seems…

I felt tears run down my face, but my insecurities about everything seemed to swarm back to haunt me in my moment of weakness. Hermione crying harder than ever and still whispering her apologies to me made me cry even more. Her beauty, her simplicity, her subtle grace and understanding and kindness towards me, for me; in my arms now made me shudder with guilt and want at the same time.

And this moment here is proof enough that I love Hermione with everything I have, and don't have, and everything beyond that…

Our bodies don't lie, after all.


	80. Lummox

August 30th

_**LXXXIII. **__Lummox_

_(Hermione's POV)_

"'Woe, emo emo emo, sulk, sigh, moan,' said Hermione. Geez. Will you get out of bed?"

I ignored Chanel and yanked the duvet over my head. She's been trying her best to cheer me up tonight, but I wouldn't hear of it. Was it so hard to understand that I could not function properly without Fleur? Good grief. I was too irritated to think anything else. It's bad enough that she turned off the TV and turned the lights on; I had been watching soap operas and was having a good sob until she came in and ruined that!

"Hermione, come on!"

"_No!"_

"You were just in my face about my problem, and now that I want to tell you, maybe, you blow me off?"

"You didn't say that!"

"Oh don't get your granny panties into a bunch; I was _trying _but you're obviously lost in your own grief."

"Sorry…there's not much else to do. And I DON'T wear granny panties for your information!"

"Ew, that just makes me wonder what you DO wear!"

"Chanel…"

"Oh, you're so whorrible, Hermione!" I never thought I'd see Chanel bury her face in her hands and feign exasperated sobbing…

"…you're a bundle of joy tonight, aren't you?"

"That's why I brought something else for you to do. Now can I clean this mountain of used tissues?"

"Y-yes, sorry…but what about your problem?"

"In a sec. I'll tell you while we play."

"Play what?"

"Final Fantasy, what else?"

"Oh Chanel, I'm no good at video games."

"It's an RPG."

"Bless you."

"No! Role-Playing Game. You actually need to strain your brain to figure stuff out, as with most good games on the market. Anyway, clean yourself up. I know they say to wear the grudge like a crown, but, uhm, it's not working for you."

I sighed and carried the duvet around myself while I went in the bathroom amidst Chanel's indignant eye-roll while she cleaned the bedroom for me. The truth was that I wasn't wearing anything, and I'm sure she probably already suspected that. I let the duvet fall to the floor after I closed the door, thanking myself for randomly leaving my nightgown in here while I washed my face.

Okay, so it's only been twelve hours since Fleur left and I already look a mess… I wish she'd left me a dream, or a note, or…something. But this time she left without even saying goodbye. I woke up with empty arms this morning and I felt like I had something stolen from me.. I still feel horrible. It's been tempting to call her, but she's probably busy…ugh.

At least Chanel doesn't _act _like Fleur. Not when she's with me, anyway. I had a feeling that this was both a good and bad thing. Or maybe it was just me.

* * *

"'Kay so I'm gonna ask you a few questions to see which game would be best for you to beat in two days with my help."

"Okay…but you're sure we can beat it before you leave?"

"Yeah, maybe. I've beaten them all in one sitting before, even though some took like ninety hours. Papa almost strangled me when I finally came out of my room after that."

Chanel just laughed while I looked at her in shock from the bed. She was not too far off by the plasma screen and her Playstation, sorting through the discs. I guess these games must be really good if she can get so involved in them.

"Hey, but I thought you said we're playing Final Fantasy?"

"I did."

"Then why are there so many discs? And the questions?"

"There are like twenty installments of this series, Hermione. But they don't all relate to each other like books in a series. Similar concepts, but completely different worlds. Only exception is X and X-2, but geez X-2 was some kind of cheap porno or something. Anyways! Time for those questions."

"Okay…" I could only wonder what she was going to have me play if one of them was, like she said, a cheap porno…

"Do you like having an active part in saving the world, or just going along for the ride with no real purpose?"

"Um…an active part sounds nice."

"XII is out, then. Next: do you like dim-witted main characters or aloof, mysterious ones?"

"I think I would lose my patience with someone who is dim-witted, don't you think?"

"Yes, 'cause I sure did. No X then. X-2 is already out; I don't want you getting any odd ideas about my games. Next: do you want a main character who knows his stuff or who likes to flirt a lot?"

"The former…"

"No IX then. I'm not venturing beyond XII; those weren't up to my standards. Tactics is a no-no for now. They haven't remade anything before VII for the PS3. So I'm just gonna go with VIII. XI is online and I really don't feel like reactivating my content ID."

"Alright."

"You have no idea what I just said, do you?"

"Mmm, nope."

"Hah, well you will. Anyway I'm turning off the light. This one actually has something of a decent love story, so maybe you'll be entertained."

I smiled at her while she handed me the controller before putting the disc in and going to turn off the light. The controls did look simple enough; a four arrow pad pointing up, down, left, and right on the left side, and four other buttons on the right side with X, O, square, and triangle just like the arrow pad. Two other circles were in the middle just below a start and select button. But the four buttons on the top of this silver controller had me confused.

Still, I was actually looking forward to learning about this video game of hers. If it could keep her attention for so long, then maybe I would like them too. Plus, it's a good way to keep my mind off of Fleur and spend time with Chanel before she leaves.

We watched the opening credits, and I honestly felt like I was watching a wonderful slide show of a black and white movie. Bits of what looked like the main characters in different scenes showed briefly in between credits of the Japanese developers. Chanel sat down right next to me, and both of us were sitting cross-legged against the headboard. She was playing with the hem of her skirt, and I was too fascinated by the music and the slide show to move.

"Militarism."

"This game's about the military?"

"A military school with cadets who strive to become SeeD's."

"Seeds?"

"SeeD's!"

"Okay…"

The pendant on the title screen looked familiar…a silver lion thing. I think I've seen it around someone's neck before… Squall's, maybe. Or Fleur. I started a new game and my eyes nearly fell out of my sockets by how realistic the waves looked gently washing over the shore and back again. There was a Latin opera of some sort playing as music, and I really liked it. Chanel has wonderful taste in entertainment.

I watched the opening scene in awe with one eye and regarded Chanel carefully with the other; she looked rather reserved again. Though I was impressed by the camera moving to a field of flowers with a _very _familiar looking man's face in the sky, I was more concerned about something else.

"Chanel?"

"Hm?"

"You never told me what's wrong."

"Oh… Well, really, you'd have kittens if I told you everything."

"I'm listening, and no I won't have kittens."

"Be careful what you say…"

"You've been upset all this time, Chanel. I'm worried about you. I mean, even if I do get angry, I don't think I'd punish you or anything. It doesn't seem right."

"You say that now…"

I looked in her eyes and saw them reflect the feather on screen fall from the sky with a thunderstorm, slowly spinning down and transforming into some kind of sword that sliced itself to the ground and stayed upright. Chanel visibly flinched at the sound of lightning and I saw the face of a beautiful, but strange outfitted woman flash a bit before I sighed.

Something told me that maybe she didn't want to tell me. She might've just needed someone to care enough to ask her about it.

"You're still scared of lightning…?"

"You remembered…"

"The only time you ever let me hold you was during a thunderstorm…so of course I remember."

"…that's real sweet."

"I know, isn't it?"

"Sometimes I wish you didn't care so much."

"Don't be silly."

"I've seen things."

"Things?"

"Terrible, terrible things."

"Like what—"

I widened my eyes when I saw the reflection of blood being spattered to the ground from that man's face, diagonally in between his eyes a little past the brim of his nose. Chanel closed her eyes irritably and sighed loudly. I bit my lip and turned to face the TV where the Final Fantasy VIII logo showed on a plain white background. A man holding a woman, by the looks of it.

Chanel lifted my hands from my lap just as I extended my legs out and crossed my ankles. I let her rest her head in my lap, and she sighed again while the screen faded to black and the music stopped. She took the controller from me, but I kept watching her blank expression while she did whatever it was she was doing for me.

"What have you seen?"

"Fleur."

"Excuse me?"

"His name is now Fleur," she said casually as she handed the controller back to me. I took it and looked up at the screen; that man was laying on the bed in a hospital wing of some sorts. He had silky brown hair that flowed nicely into bangs along his face, and…wait…

"Is that Squall?"

"Nope, Fleur."

"Why did you name him Fleur?"

"You'll see. At any rate, X is select, circle is cancel. Triangle brings up the menu, square is for playing cards. I never bother with Triple Triad, personally. The circle things in the middle are analog sticks. Use the left one to walk in the direction you press it. Is the red analog light on?"

"Yes…"

"Ok. The arrows I only use in the menu or during battle. The buttons under your fingers, R1 R2 and L1 and L2 are for battle and the world map. Use R1 at the right time when Fleur is about to strike a mob and you'll do critical damage. It's also used for her Limit Break, Renzokuken. I never use it though; I'm hardly ever dying like that to trigger the LB. R2 and L2 simultaneously are used to escape battle. But I wouldn't escape; if you do it too many times your rank will go down. Use X to continue through dialog once you're done reading, even though there are voice-overs."

"Okay…"

"Did you really get all that?"

"Yes."

"'Kay."

"'So we meet again'? Who's that girl?"

"You'll see. Just worry about the blonde for now; Quistis."

"She seems nice…"

"She's a kinky one."

"How do you mean?"

"You'll see… and the place is called Balamb Garden. I know how to play this song on the piano."

"It's beautiful…the school, too. And I didn't know you play instruments! That's amazing."

"Just the piano…"

"Does Fleur know?"

"No."

"Does she know anything about you?"

"Not really. I'm embarrassed that she wouldn't know how to support me or whatever. Draco kinda taught me how to dance against my will back when I was six or something. Singing and drawing just came randomly."

"Now tell me something you can't do…"

"I have no sympathy for anyone."

I swallowed and tried to summarize in my head that Squall, err, _Fleur _missed the prerequisite to the field exam because another blond, Seifer, got in the way of that. Seifer? Hm. Sounded vaguely familiar. I was in a classroom, it seemed. I took Quistis's suggestion and went to the study panel to look over the game logistics while I tried to keep talking to Chanel.

"Not even me?"

"No."

"…you're very blunt."

"What did I just say?"

"Is it that hard to be sympathetic?"

"Mhm."

"Because of that…disease? Or because you just can't be?"

"I don't know."

Her voice sounded venomously pleasant to me. I frowned when some girl ran into me, or Fleur, whatever. Selphie is her name. I declined giving her a tour because a very small part of me was irate that she had her excuses for missing class. I actually found this very amusing, but I didn't want to laugh. Besides, Fleur seemed to be the ever chipper person in this game. Even if she did look like Squall, I felt a small smile on my face while I imagined the real Fleur acting like this.

Maybe that's why Chanel named him Fleur?

"Junction? GF?"

"Junctioning is basically like adding attachments to yourself to make you stronger. Magic, abilities, and Guardian Forces. Like Quistis said, you Draw magic from mobs or from Draw points to get magic. In some cases, you can Draw GF from bosses. I'll point them out."

"Alright. I'll have a look at the tutorial now. But why do you think you can't be sympathetic? You must have _some_ idea."

"Fleur never wanted any sympathy during those days."

"…oh." _Those _days…

"I don't think her ever angry moods rubbed off on me very well. Gabby always swore I'd grow up to be an angry person. Turns out she was right. Don't tell me I'm wrong, Hermione. I _know _you."

"But you're just fine with me…"

"With _you, _yeah. And don't forget to junction your GF before you go. The Fire Cavern is east from Garden."

"Right. But why are you not like this with Fleur? I mean, you've known her your whole life… I would think you'd be comfortable with her."

"I don't see how you deal with her."

"Hm?"

"She's so intimidating. I'm scared of her. I try to act like her whenever we're together, and she's satisfied, see. I learned the grace and perfect posture and manners I have from her. I'm taking every single N.E.W.T level course, I force myself to get O's in every class no matter what, and now I'm probably going to end up going to one of those newly instated Wizarding Universities just to make her satisfied."

"You're not living your own life by the sound of it…"

"If my House is any kind of sign, it's the only thing that keeps me in perspective. A part of me can't deny that I am who I am, even if I am scared of her, and even if this part of me would scare her."

"You mean being in Slytherin?"

"Yes. That is who I am. I am cunning and ambitious and I always do a little something extra to achieve my ends, even if it seems…bad."

"What do you mean?"

"Just pick twenty minutes, even though it shouldn't take that long. Ifrit is a push-over. Anyway, you won't tell her, right?"

"My relationship with you has nothing to do with her, so, no. I'm interested in what you've been keeping to yourself. Honestly, I am. I won't judge you, either. I know you've had a hard time…"

"Without you, yes. I get the feeling she thinks I was so scared and lost without you. But maybe I was. I don't know. It came as a surprise to her when I told her I'm in Slytherin, and I'm sure, to this day, she's baffled as to why I am."

"But you're not."

"Nope. A uh…_friend _of mine taught me how to use my thrall to my advantage. Maybeevenyours."

"I didn't get that last part?"

"It's nothing."

"A Veela friend…?"

"No, Squall is not a Veela…"

"Squall?"

"Yes…oh, just keep summoning Shiva for this boss fight. Ice is strong against and weak to fire. Flying mobs obviously can't be hit by earth spells, so they are strangely very weak to wind. Earth beats thunder, thunder beats water."

"Right. But how could Squall teach you something he doesn't know how to do?"

"I'm in his…mafia… Squall, Zell, Vincent, Cid, Cloud, Irvine, Tidus, Yuna, Rikku, Tifa, Yuffie; we're all a covert group. Rikku is a Veela. Yuna is halfblooded. Cloud, Cid, and Zell are not even though they're blond. Irvine, he might as well be; the bastard's such a flirt. You know Tifa, she's real nice. And I'm sure you remember Yuffie, Yuna, and Rikku. So, really, Rikku taught me how to control my thrall for our advantage."

"M-mafia…?"

"I haven't killed anyone."

"S-so Squall and everyone else have?"

"Yes."

"Why…?"

"I care about you, Hermione. Maybe more than I care about Fleur, which I'm sure she already suspects. She's just so impenetrable that I could never feel anything for her. You were attracted to her beauty…maybe that's all that kept you drawn to her up until she fell in love with you. But I'm scared that she'll snap at me if I tell her what I'm doing. She thinks I'm so perfect…but I'm not. The whole reason I'm doing this is my flaw…my weakness… Don't tell me I should stop because I might get hurt, because I won't. I promise you I won't."

"…Chanel…"

"Hermione."

"Fine…no matter what I do I probably won't be able to stop you. But…why are you doing this?"

Chanel stayed silent while I read through a bunch of silence from this stoic version of Fleur. Her '…''s are quite…endearing. But I could not fathom how my…daughter was in a…a mafia, of all things! I know Squall was probably up to some things around the time he called it off with Draco all those years ago, but this…? I have no idea how Fleur would react, but I'm shocked at what Chanel thinks of her. Still, I have a feeling she hasn't told this to anyone. I don't want to breach that trust by being judgmental of her.

To be honest, I felt immense worry for her. I know I can't change her mind no matter what… But she's risking her life for this flaw of hers. Her weakness… Whatever it is, it must be worth it if she's doing this.

And once she finally answered my question, everything just…clicked.

"For…you, Hermione. You and Fleur, but at this point, mostly…you. Homophobes can go to hell…"

"…I'm your weakness?"

"Yes…"

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Draco is Squall's weakness…so…maybe."

"Is that why he refuses to be with him…?"

"Yes…I completely understood too once I thought about it."

"Really?"

"I love you."

My heart jumped a little when she told me that. It jumped up enough to put a small smile on my face the entire time I kept playing this game of hers while she slept on my lap, too. A very loud part of my mind was telling me to demand that she stop trying to be a hero for me, but I couldn't even think of a way to make the words form on my lips. I know this secret was eating her alive until now. I know I should stop her…but I just can't. I have to, but I can't find the strength to make her do anything…

Even though I was sitting down, she made me weak in the knees and my heart took over; she felt like she was doing something right with Squall and the others, even if it does seem bad and shady. But she was protecting Fleur and me _for _us. For me, even. I'm her weakness, hm…?

Chanel really does know how to lay the pathos on thick, I'll give her that much…

* * *

August 31st

I haven't slept. Chanel woke up briefly last night to name the raven-haired woman Hermione, then she knocked out again. I really didn't understand for a long time why she did this, but once I got past the first disc, I figured out that 'Hermione' and 'Fleur' love each other. How considerate of her…

Strangely, the song that played in the little town at the start of the second disk made me stop everything for a moment. It was nearly six in the morning, and yet I was still up, just now having got to Winhill in the dream world with Laguna.

The song really struck something with me… I couldn't move. This game's soundtrack is really amazing, the graphics are wonderful, the characters are fun, and the plot is innovative. Saving the world from a Sorceress…just wow. I still don't understand why Fujin TALKS LIKE THIS, or why Irvine's such a hopeless flirt, but I guess it doesn't matter.

But it still struck me as odd how some of these characters are in that…mafia of hers.

At any rate…this song… I don't even know what to think of it. It's very peaceful and child-like. Like a lullaby… A lullaby that can easily make me cry my eyes out and still not wake the one sleeping soundly on my lap…

So many thoughts started to swarm me from how sentimental this song is. I kept thinking about how trapped Chanel's felt all her life, probably because I wasn't around. Fleur was too drained emotionally to love her how she should have been loved. Maybe if I were there for them, things wouldn't be the way they are now… Maybe Chanel would enjoy school, maybe she wouldn't be afraid of Fleur, and maybe she wouldn't find solace in being manipulative and flirtatious to achieve the group's ends, even if it is for Fleur and me… No. No, what was I thinking earlier? What if she does have to kill someone eventually? Or even worse, what if SHE gets killed?

"You're crying, hm?"

"What if y-you die, Chanel…? How do you think I'd feel…?"

"I thought so."

"ANSWER ME!"

"You care about me."

"Of course I do! Why wouldn't I! N-now answer my question!"

I was trembling when she pushed the controller aside and straddled me. I cupped her face in my hands, but she refused to let her eye sight stay anywhere near me. She probably hated to see me cry, but I'm not like her; I can't help myself. And to think that she was so…foolish to risk her life like this.

"This song is called Fragments of Memories. I knew you'd start bawling when you heard it."

"Chanel—"

"Let me finish, Hermione. You are in a place of power in this world, whether you like it or not. You heard Josie; people look for any excuse to rip you down, or maybe even kill you, only because you share different beliefs than they do. Do you know how many ambushes against you I've stopped? Do you know how many people I've kept from killing you? Do you know how many people I've had locked up before they could even _think_ of grabbing their rifle to assassinate you while you sit in your cozy office?"

She finally looked at me, and her gaze nearly cut me in half; her eyes were wholly unsympathetic, and I felt so guilty for how she is… Even if she is fearless and ambitious, I wished she weren't so…heartless.

"B-but—"

"This is why I kept it from you. I knew your heart would break… I knew you'd let your guard down when you heard this song, just like I did. I felt guilty for the first time after all these months of helping Squall when I played this over the other day after we made up. When I heard this song, I thought of you. I thought about how all of your precious fragments of memories finally belong to you again. Something Fleur's wanted all of my life. Now you have them. The only way I can sleep alone at night is if I know I'm playing my part to keep you alive. To be honest, I don't care about how you'd feel if I died, because it's not gonna happen."

"No! I can't let you do this… it's too dangerous! What if—"

"You didn't say 'what if' when you went with Harry and Ron to destroy those horcruxes. You didn't say 'what if' when you went with them to the Department of Mysteries. You didn't say it when you used that Time-Turner to help Sirius, to help Harry get through to the Sorcerer's Stone; and you SURE as hell did NOT say 'what if' when you made the decision to go after my father! Now I'm not going to sit here and argue with you. You told me earlier that I'm not living my own life. But when I'm out there, for YOU, I AM living the life I want to live. If it's my fate to die for you, then so be it."

Goddamnit…why does she always know what to say to make me look like an idiot? Why is she looking at me right now like I AM an idiot, even though she cares about me so much to risk her life like this? I couldn't think of anything to say because my tears and the distress I was feeling made me incapable of saying any possible thing that could sway her. She's so damn stubborn…just like I am.

Even though she was on top of me, I shut my eyes and ran my trembling hands through my hair because I couldn't fight the feeling that I just wanted to shrivel up and die now so she wouldn't have to risk her own life… and I did slide on my back and she tried to get away from me, but I sobbed louder and pulled her back over to me; a deep, cold part of me couldn't be without her touch right now… I really, _really _have no idea what the hell I was thinking earlier. It was like she just told me she was just doing any old thing that wouldn't make me this upset…

I made her lay with me the entire time I slept, and she just held me without saying a word… I cried myself to sleep, even though a huge part of me was glad that I cared so much about her. But I kept telling myself I needed to think of a way to stop her.. I'd feel absolutely horrible if she died because I let her keep doing this, as noble as it is… My stress about her, on top of the stress I felt about Fleur; let's just say I knew it would have horrible repercussions…

* * *

I don't know what time it was when I woke up, but it was still dark. The clock read eleven…but my eyes read go back to sleep. My head was spinning, my chest was tight; everything seemed like it was a blur. But stress kept pounding and nearly raping me while I lay alone in bed. I needed…something…to help me forget this pain I was in. Anything…

My legs moved to the closet and I only barely felt myself put on a pair of jeans and boots. My black nightgown was…good enough for a shirt…right? Yes, that's…right…

I don't remember getting my wand, but I do remember apparating to Tifa's bar. She saw me from behind the counter and beckoned me over to her, though I felt myself stepping over gaps to get to her. But the floor had no holes in it. I don't know why I felt like I was stepping so widely.

Drinks. Drinks; that was what I needed. There is no substitute for alcohol to drown the pain away. I don't know how many drinks I had while I observed the comings and goings inside this building.

So many people were here, drunk, and depressed. Some were here, some were violently drunk, some were extremely depressed. But the atmosphere was calm nonetheless. There was a man next to me, trying to flirt. I think he's rather attractive, really. He kind of looks like a woman; maybe that's why. His ponytail…tan cowboy hat…hm… Red hair? Is that Ron? Oh, silly Ron…

No, no. His name is Irvine. Irvine Kinneas. I laughed at this; Irvine is the name of the sharpshooter in Final Fantasy VIII. I played that game for twelve hours straight, I told him. He laughed and said a lady like me doesn't look like the video game type. I chortled and ignored him, opting to going back to my people watching, but he never left my side. Good company, I suppose.

Tifa approached me and said I look like I've had too much to drink. My face felt flushed, I was a tad dizzy, but I disregarded her and told her I kept my promise to come visit. I felt Irvine snake his arm around my waist, and I smiled and rested my head on his strong shoulder over his tan trench coat. But he smelled like Fleur… Fleur, oh Fleur… I felt my hoarse voice force out that I miss her… I miss her, I miss her, I miss my husband…

Why was Fleur so confusing? Why? I babbled this to the ones in proximity, and they regarded me with pity and listened to my woes. I sobbed of failure; I felt completely horrible while I kept drinking my alizée. Irvine wiped away my tears, but they kept coming in full force while I told everyone of how I think Fleur's indecisive about me. She's not sure if she can trust me. I'm not sure if I can trust me. It's like I want to betray her trust now, just to prove her right; she is always right. I love her. She's perfect. I'm just some maggot compared to her…

Irvine whispered in my ear that he could help me breach her trust… it might make me feel better, even for the moment. My lower lip was quivering while I looked up at him with pleading eyes; the alcohol long having destroyed my common sense. He winked at me and bit his lower lip, something that Fleur used to do a lot to flirt with me… Fleur, Fleur, _Fleur, _oh FLEUR! God I miss you! I don't know how I went from sobbing on Irvine's chest to making myself disapparate with him back to our bedroom, Fleur… I don't know…

I was crying for _you _to ease my clothes off and leave me in nothing but my nightgown while I lay on my back in our bed… I was sobbing and whimpering for Chanel to stop playing hero while Irvine kept whispering that I'd feel better soon. His pants were off in an instant, and I felt the penetration that much sooner; his feminine face made me think of your perfect one, Fleur… Did _you _screw me? I think you did… you kept laughing sexily and giving it to me harder and harder…

And it _must _have been you…that's the only reason why I kept letting him do this. I kept calling your name…

* * *

September 1st

"HERMIONE, don't lie on your back, you'll choke to death! And wake UP!"

GOD my head hurts! And everything felt so sticky…ugh… Hands forced me to lie on my side and I coughed when I realized how clogged up my throat was. More came out of me and I started to feel better…kind of… Bloody hell, where am I…?

I don't know who lifted me up and hurried me to the bathroom, and I keeled over the toilet and fell to my knees.. Whoever was with me was cursing loudly, but my head was pounding so much and my stomach needed to cleanse itself…

"Qu'est-ce que tu as fait hier soir, Hermione ? Ta chambre c'est laide et dégoûtant de ton vomi ! C'est très dégoûter ! Merde ! UGH, RÉVOLTER ! _Tergeo!"_

What time is it…? Where am I? Why can't I stop throwing up…? And who's cussing me out in French…? Chanel? Chanel? Oh good God… She's safe, though… But…Fleur… FLEUR! SOMEONE HAD SEX WITH ME LAST NIGHT! It wasn't Fleur; Fleur's half-way around the world! FLEUR!

I _**CHEATED**_ ON FLEUR!

What have I done? Ohhhh my God, Irvine! Irvine, Irvine, Irvine! I can't believe this!

GODDAMNIT!

* * *

"Well… I missed the_ train_ if it'll make you feel any better…"

I was sobbing loudly while I was wrapped in the duvet, watching the recording of_ our _wedding… I can't believe this I can't believe this I can't believe this…. Fleur looks so happy here! So happy! Not a care in the word, holding my hands, looking down at me with so much love! _I promise you, I'm yours… _OH, what have I done? I broke all of my vows! I'm an idiot!

"HERMIONE!"

LUMMOX! I'm a lummox for doing this to Fleur! How could I?

"_My 'Ermione…my adorable, _adorable, _sweet 'Ermione… I promise you I'll love you so much zat you'll just want to scream wiz astonishment like I want to do now."_

FLEUR! Fleur, no! You hate me, you hate me, you hate me! I'm not worth your words! Oh my God, oh my God! I _**CHEATED **_ON MY HUSBAND! I'm despicable! I'm a monster! I ought to hang myself! I'm ASHAMED!

"HERMIONE, HELLO? Do you HEAR me? I am LATE for SCHOOL because of you! How do I look, Head Girl, and I'm not even on the train! What the hell did you do last night?"

"I d-don't know!"

"You don't know?"

"I have something of a hangover right now!"

"Hangover? Nothing coming out of you smelled of alcohol at all! What are you talking about?"

I sobbed and wailed even louder with my DISGUSTING face in my SOILED hands and shut the recording off… I don't remember anything…what did I do? Why do I remember the penetration and not Fleur's face? I cheated on her!

"I CHEATED ON HER!"

"…you did not—"

"_Yes_ I did! I barely remember bringing a man home last n-night! Irvine!"

"IRVINE?"

"I'M WHORRIBLE!"

"Hermione, I was watching you the whole—"

"No, no, no! Chanel, I'm a horrible wife! I'm disgusting!"

"You're coming with me…"

"No, I'm probably going to rape you! Don't! Leave me alone!"

"You're being hysterical… You didn't even leave the house this whole time… You did _not _**cheat **on her—"

"DON'T try to lie to me and make me FEEL better! Let me sob!"

I was too weak to stop her rustling through my drawers and closet to pack clothes for me… I hate myself, I hate alcohol… What's worse is that Fleur is going to hate me! The second she finds out, she's going to demand a divorce! I've forsaken her! I've betrayed her!

"OH, DAMNATION!"

"OH, SHUT UP! YOU DID **NOT **CHEAT ON HER! IT WAS A DREAM!"

God, why was she still trying? I'm hopeless! And why was she shrinking everything in here and stuffing them in her robes pockets? That Head Girl badge looks so good on her! She looks too much like Fleur… Oh, Fleur!

Even with me flailing around while she carried me over her shoulder, I sobbed and pounded against her back like a toddler because I was that distressed! I yelled to ALL of Hogsmeade what a horrid woman I am! I'M A LUMMOX!

"I'm a whore, Chanel! I'm a WHORE! FLOOZY! I'M A FILTHY HOE! SLUT, TRAMP, TROLLOP!"

"_SILENCIO!"_


	81. Lullaby

Still September 1st

_**LXXXIV. **__Lullaby_

_(Chanel's POV)_

Oh for Chrissake my mother is too hysterical right now! From the way she's still pounding my back while I'm walking through the double doors to the castle, she STILL doesn't believe me! I only left for one hour at the most to go check on Kenneth and Diana, and when I came back, she was still asleep! What the hell, man?

Alright, alright… She's obviously stressed out right now. I didn't think she'd be up so early playing my damn game, okay? Twelve hours is not good for a newbie, and I bet she's feeling lonely because Papa's gone and hasn't written or called or anything. AND I probably made her worried because of the mafia. _Fuck, _man I shouldn't have told her! But it's been killing me ever since the other day…ugh… Great. But she'd better not throw up on me again; these are designer robes…

I rounded a corner and sighed, and I luckily found McGonagall. But of course, she looked at me funny and her hat nearly bobbed off her head while I stopped and tried to figure out if I should explain Hermione or not. Well, I might as well… I couldn't leave Hermione at home, or she would have driven herself suicidal or something if I did…

"Good afternoon, Professor."

"Miss Delacour…? Is that… Miss Gr-…well…"

"My mother, yes. I think she'd be fine with you calling her Hermione now… And I missed the train, trying to calm her down."

"Why? Is that why you are carrying her like that? And why is she behaving so childishly?"

"Uhm… Is it alright if I let her stay in my dorm with me? She's been very upset lately and I didn't want to leave her home alone…"

"V-very well… I'm sure Headmaster Loire will be fine with it. Do speak to your Head of House about it as well."

"Professor Kramer should be fine about it…you know how she is."

"Of course… Do inform me about…your mother at a later time."

"I will. See you at the feast."

She gave me one last _look _before I hurried to continue my way to the dungeons. Leave it to _anyone _to run into McGonagall at a time like this. Hermione stopped hitting me when she looked behind us and probably saw her old Head of House, but I didn't want to risk removing this spell so they could have their idle chit chat.

Laguna Lore is our Headmaster, _and _he's the same dude that's the President of Esthar. Edea Kramer is my Head of House, and she teaches Potions. Creepy woman, just like the Sorceress in Final Fantasy VIII. There are so many people in the real world that are in my games, but now's not a good time to have a laugh about that; Hermione went back to slamming my back with her fists. I should put a Tickling Charm on her or something…ehh…

I had to shower three times… Once, I'd showered just to wake up this morning. The second time I had to because Hermione _kept throwing up on me!_ The third time was just because I still felt dirty, even though I used various cleaning spells on myself before that…

God, if anyone wins the award for the most dramatic human being on earth this century, it's Hermione! She has never broken into hysterics like that if not out of anger! I hardly ever slip into French, but she sort of made me… Geez. I would _not _be surprised if she tries to sneak off to Hogsmeade and get drunk to make herself feel better…

What the hell have I done to my mother…?

* * *

After I found my dorm, I made enough room to resize everything I shrunk from her room and rearranged accordingly. She was thrashing around on my bed the entire time, clutching that box from Japan with all of her and Fleur's things in it, and I feared the inevitability of my spell wearing off soon. So she's just a little upset about things…

Okay…so, what the hell do I do now? Hermione refuses point blank to believe that she was just dreaming. I really think Kelly needs to re-examine those potions of hers; the side-effects are creeping me out. First Hermione's memories get transferred to me, now her normal dreams are so vivid that she gets the aftereffects of her actions in said dreams. Mmm…maybe Professor Kramer would have some insight or something.

Anyways, I can't keep Hermione holed up here for the entire school year. But I know if she sees Papa, she's going to tell her. But I'm hoping that all of that can be avoided if I somehow get Hermione to believe that she was dreaming…or at least confess that much to herself. Hmm…

Well, it's a damn good thing I picked up some extra supplies at the Apothecary the other day… I know just the thing to fix Hermione right up.

* * *

September 12th

I woke up that Sunday morning with Hermione shivering in my arms. Now really, I've told her she has her own bed and yet she refuses to sleep it in. Anyway…I shifted slightly so that she was level with my face, and I observed her; she looked very pale. All of this stress she's putting herself under is clearly getting to her…

"Hermione… Hermione, wake up."

"Harder…"

"Excuse me?"

"Faster…"

"What?"

I balked at the serene expression on her face; this woman is a sex depraved bunny. Yes, yes it's great that we're catching up on lost time or whatever now, but this is still uh kinda awkward? But she looked really sick… I bit my lip and tried to wonder if I remembered how to brew those potions to help get rid of colds. I've already had to start brewing Sleeping Draughts for her as it is, though…

Old people…

But then again, she's already moody and stressed to begin with… She's going to lose her mind when she finally sees Papa again, to be honest. I can see it now… Hermione having internal battles about confessing or not confessing, and the look on Papa's face if Hermione _does _say something would be classic.

Just as I bit my lip and rolled my eyes, Hermione finally woke up. Her nose looked rather red compared to the rest of her face. Her eyes were a little blood-shot, too. Was she seriously stressing out about this dream?

"Chanel…"

"Hermione…"

"I'b sik."

"Apparently so… I'll brew you something—"

"Bno!"

"No?"

"Bno, let it pass… I hate takeeg medicine."

"You can't just—"

Any measure of patience I had for her was blown far, far away the second she sneezed on my face…. It was a cute sneeze and all, but shit! Hermione blushed profusely and put her hand over her mouth while she used the sleeve of her free arm to wipe my face, and I was trying to gather some degree of restraint from maiming hers…

"Oh, that's nice," I soured.

"I'b so sorry, Chanel!"

"Uh huh, right, you're taking something and sleeping the rest of the week away. I've homework to do and duties to attend to today."

I made a face when she kept wiping mine in a…motherly way before I sighed and got out of bed to get dressed. Hermione _has _been invaluable with helping me get homework done with the huge load I have, but I needed to work on her present, too. Her Christmas present has been taken care of since July; she doesn't suspect it, but I _did _buy her something at the mall that day.

Still, waking up to a stuffy, sneeze-on-your-face mother in the morning makes me just want to forget about all of that and hurt her instead…bah.

* * *

When I finished getting dressed for the day, Hermione was still moping around in bed, looking miserable. I hate seeing her like this, honestly. But why should I have to see her? Madam Pomfrey's here, _she _can take care of Hermione. Why should I?

I made up my mind and slung Hermione over my shoulder just like I had to when I first brought her here, except I had her facing forward this time. And, of course, she was bellowing like mad and demanding that I put her down. I sighed and rolled my eyes while I left out to the common room; thankfully it was empty. I knew I'd probably end up finding someone in the halls, but I was grinning like an idiot anyway, hell bent on poking fun at Hermione!

"I'm Hermione, me, me, me!"

"Oh Chanel, stop it! You know I bhate medicine! Bnow let me go back to bed!"

"Mur, mur, mur!"

"Stop impersodating Antoinette, bgoddamnit!"

"Ooooh I'm Hermione, me, me, me and I'm _SIIIICCKKK!"_

"I hate you! I hate your life!"

"Mur, mur, mur!"

"Stop iiiiiiiittt!"

"Ladies…"

Sure enough, we ran into McGonagall again! I stopped briefly and she looked at us like we were drunkards before Hermione and I spoke up at the same time.

"Hello, Professor."

"Hermione, you needn't call me 'Professor' anymore," McGonagall sighed. "And Miss Delacour, do take care, slinging your mother about the halls so early. I really do wonder why you never let her walk on her own. Carry on."

"Sorry Professor," Hermione and I said in unison before I kept walking. I heard McGonagall sigh again and chuckle a little bit while Hermione and I went right back to it.

The mother unit isn't all that bad. Really… I actually do consider her my friend.

* * *

September 17th

"Chanel, goddamn, your mom's hot!"

"Fuck yeah…how many times have we told you though? Haha, oh who gives a damn!"

"Geez… TOTAL MILF, man. Totally!"

"Uhm, what?" I asked irritably; we were in Defense Against the Dark Arts, and my lovely friends were being a distraction with their perverted whispering. Well, most of them were being quiet. But these three…. Izzy, Adrian, and Gio; Slytherin, of course; handsome guys, but they're a bit on the rowdy side. Izzy and Gio were next to me, and Adrian was at the desk in front of us. They're fun to hang around, but they just don't know when to shut up sometimes.

"What do you mean 'uhm, what'? She IS!" Izzy hissed with glee.

"The fuck is a melf?" I asked, honestly baffled.

"MILF, Chanel!" Gio corrected. "Mother I'd Love to Fuck!" I glared at him hotly and went back to my notes. Fucking bastards.

"Whatever, just shut up! You know how Trepe gets when she's lecturing."

"Aww, Miss Head Girl, daughter of the sexiest beast in this castle, telling us what to do!" Adrian cooed. "Well, next to Quisty anyway. Sexy blonde hound, she is. Her fan club's got it made." I tried to ignore him and focused on my frantic note-taking; Quistis doesn't ever give us any breather room.

"Ah, I think Chanel could give her mum a run for her money, don'tcha think?" Izzy winked at me. I scowled at him; they knew better than to play that game with me.

"I agree. You know every guy, and even some girls in this castle've been hounding you for years!" Gio whispered while he nudged me. I swatted him away and rolled my eyes. "Even us. Or maybe just me. So come on Chanel, how 'bout it?"

"How about what?" I hissed.

"Go out with me," he murmured with a toothy grin. Giovanni was a great looking Italian boy, but, uhm, no.

"I'd rather fuck a broomstick," I grumbled while I noticed Quistis looking at me pointedly, still lecturing on. I blushed a bit and went back to my notes.

"Ouch." Izzy sniggered. I rolled my eyes. "Interesting imagery, though…" I slapped him upside the head and he whined, but Quistis appeared not to have seen me.

"Lethal rejection, man," Adrian said, smiling. To my chagrin, Gio actually looked upset, even though he and nearly every guy I've ever laid eyes on have asked me out before. Every single one of them received a no in some way, shape or form. I don't want to explain why. Not right now.

"Bah, don't tell me you're a vagitarian or some shit we dunno about," Gio pleaded. I ignored him; they know my father isn't a man. I waved it inwardly off to them just joking around.

"Nah, Chanel ain't no carpet licker," Izzy said thoughtfully. I grit my teeth and kept scribbling furiously about these risks of developing counter-curses for their disastrous counter-parts.

"Valentine—"

"Don't _call_ me by my middle name, Adrian."

"Sorry, but like, how come you always turn us down? We're your friends, yeah, but we all got needs ya know? I know you do."

"The fuck do you know?" Again, Quistis _looked _at me. I felt myself blushing again but thought nothing of it.

"I reckon he's just quoting Britney Spears," Izzy chuckled. Gio was brooding now. He'll get over it.

"Har, har, har."

"Hey, I like her! No disrespect to the woman. Funny that she's one of your favorites."

"Will you guys shut up? We're in class. You're never this disruptive. Well, I take that back…but still."

"Damn Chanel, we've had this convo like a million times. How come you don't have a boyfriend? I know some of these guys here would even _pay_ to get a screw from you—"

"Desist."

"You're sounding like Professor Fujin," Adrian laughed.

"Ah come on, seriously, girl! Loosen up! You gotta be dating someone in secret or somethin'. How long, eh? Oh, oh, it's gotta be Mesxiah. It's him, ain't it?"

"I'm _not _dating anyone."

"Oh bullshit, Val-Val."

"Val-Val?" I mouthed incredulously.

"Okay, so it's a chick?" Adrian asked with a bit of glee in his whisper. I rolled my eyes and sighed. "If it is, that's cool…actually I think it's really hot if you are."

"You forget both of my parents are women, fools?"

"Aw, no! It's cool, it's cool." Izzy laughed at me and tried to tickle my face with his quill, but I ignored him. "So who is she, huh? It's gotta be Alexia, ain't it? She's good, right? Dangerous sexy bitch, she is—"

"Shut the hell up you two. I'm _not _dating anyone, I've _not _screwed anyone; I've no desire to do either! How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"Ohhhh I get it! You're into your mum, ain'tcha?"

"What…?" How the HELL did he guess that?

"Dude, that's just wrong," Adrian reasoned.

"But hot," Izzy countered.

"True…" Adrian trailed off with a glint in his eye. Even Gio smirked a little. I _know _my face was blood red, and the look Quistis was giving me, fine as she is, was _not _helping at all…

"Guys, shut up."

"But come on, you're totally cool with her! And she was all over you when you introduced everyone to her!"

"I _told _you guys she's fucking hysterical!"

"Like a drunk, she was," Gio nodded. I glared at him again and he actually _started _his notes, finally.

"She's distressed," I sighed.

"I think she likes you," Izzy whispered saucily. I choked up and conveniently fumbled my quill. "Besides, you have her _all_ to yourself in your own private dorm… And for what…?"

I cleared my throat; Hermione had been hallucinating that I was Fleur that day. She seems to be doing that a lot lately…and it's her birthday in a few days. I can only _imagine _what she's going to demand then. My special potion is finally ready, and I'm hoping I'll be able to use it soon.

But really, either way I'm my father's doppelganger and I see Hermione every day… but I'm still telling myself that I _don't _like her that way. I do not. How these sick perverts even came up with the notion is beyond me.

"She's your very own secret Mrs. Delicious," Adrian giggled. I clenched my jaw and ignored him, even with them grinning saucily at me and snapping their teeth at me in between purrs…

"Mrs. Delectable," Izzy added. I flared my nostrils and ignored him, too…

"Mrs. Derrière Deluxe…" Breathe…_breathe…_

"Mrs. Delicate Goods…" …_BREATHE…_

"Mrs. **Howl** Chanel's Name _All NIGHT _Debutante…" ….

"Mrs. Damn Good Fffffuck…" …_GOD HELP ME HERE!_

As if to make a point, Izzy moved his mouth to my ear, and what he said to me in his crude sing-song voice finally pissed me off…

"Chanel and Hermione, sittin' in a tree! F-U-C-K-I-N-G—"

"SHUT UP!"

There was an annoying silence in the room for about ten seconds with everyone staring at me before they all started filing out. Class was over at just the right time, apparently…

I stayed in my seat while my _three musketeers_ looked at me apologetically before leaving with everyone else. Quistis wanted to talk to me, and I didn't want to risk the inevitable embarrassing 'Miss Delacour, we need to talk' statement on my way out. She regarded me carefully with her blue eyes behind her glasses right when the door closed and we were left alone. I started putting my things away now, glad that this was the last class of the day, and went back to staring at her after I slung my bag over my shoulder.

Whatever she needs to say, she might as well get it over with. I still need to go finish my present for Hermione, assuming she didn't snoop around and find it already. Quistis finally sighed and moved to sit on my desk, and the close proximity bothered me for a second until I realized that she was just working her motherly charm or whatever. I suppose you could say we're on friendly terms.

"Go ahead, Professor."

"Hm?"

"Don't play games. You want to scold me for getting out of line, and hound me with the reminder that I'm Head Girl and I've an example to set. My friends are idiots and I should stop hanging around with them because all they ever do is try to ask me out or make crude jokes."

"Better than I could have said it myself."

"Right…can I go now?"

"I never asked to keep you here to begin with." I blanched; that sweet little smile of hers is too suspicious, I swear.

"You obviously have something else to say."

"Ever the observant one, Miss Delacour. You do deserve your title."

"Yes, yes, so what is it?"

"Why _do _you associate yourself with those boys? Or most of your other friends to begin with."

"Well, well, who's the observant one now?"

"Please, I only have your good intentions at heart. I'm concerned about you. Yes, your marks are top-notch as always, and you _do _seem a little more…chipper. But your friends are another story."

"Professor, not to be a jerk, but you were concerned just last year around this time that I didn't hang out with anyone except for Meg. Now you're telling me to ditch people?"

"I'd advise it. I'm not saying you have to. Miss Kanazawa is a wonderful young lady, don't get me wrong."

"Oh cut the professional jargon, Professor. Just tell me what's on your mind."

"Fine, fine. I've noticed that ever since you told me you helped your mother get your memories back, you've been dressing rather…"

"Rather what?"

"Girlish…ly?"

"Right…"

"I didn't hear what you all were talking about, and I'm assuming no one else overheard either, but you did mention you had something of a dilemma with your mother for a long time before summer break. She's staying with you now, isn't she?"

"Yeah. We're fine now, thanks. So what you're saying is: ever since I changed the way I dress, I've been attracting different types of friends?"

"Well…yes."

"They served as a good distraction."

"Distraction from what?"

"Did you _really _not hear what we were saying?" I asked accusingly; her eyes had this glint and it wouldn't stop bugging me.

"Honest, I didn't."

"Why don't I believe you…?"

"You told me you have trust issues. If I did hear you, then maybe I _would _be scolding you. Your tone with them sounded very harsh, and I can only imagine what you were telling them."

"Yeah, okay. Anyway, I have to get going. It's Herm-… my mother's birthday this weekend and I need to finish her present."

"You're very fond of her, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"Do take care of her. We should catch up some time."

"Of course."

I stood up with my bag and nodded curtly to her before leaving. She didn't _look _like she was lying about overhearing anything. Some classmates of mine still lingering outside, obviously waiting to talk to Quistis, actually smiled a little at me. Okay, so they didn't hear, either.

I _still _can't wrap my mind around how those three assumed I like _Hermione, _though…

* * *

September 19th

Meg sat directly across from me at the end of the Slytherin table, since pretty much all of my friends were her friends, even though she's in Ravenclaw. Adrian and Izzy came by and apologized or whatever, and I waved it off while I kept eating. I've been busy all weekend in the library, trying to work on Hermione's present away from her prying eyes, and finishing homework. She's been getting better lately from what I can tell. I'm not so sure leaving her alone often was a good idea, but oh well.

Anyway, my friends were all making crude sexual jokes or something, and Meg was trying her damndest to follow everyone. Cho met Meg's dad all the way in Japan, and they still live there. Meg is a bombshell, and a real sweetheart, but I really wished she'd keep her innocent nose out of these conversations.

OH, but _speaking _of innocent… Hermione lumbered in the Hall, looking downright angry, and wasted no time in making me scoot over to make room for her… I gaped at her while she stole the remains of my food and ate them, even with everyone gawking at her. Well, Meg was being polite and trying not to stare. Hermione didn't look horrible or anything…no. Most of my friends are guys, so maybe that clears up the confusion.

"Uhm…Hermione?" I asked carefully. She huffed and ignored me. "Oh come on! You said you were too sick to bother with the outside world just this morning!"

"I'm fine!"

"Your voice sounds scratchy…"

"I'm FINE!"

"Are you upset about something? You weren't expecting me to bring you dinner in bed, were you? And I already told you happy birthday this morning!"

"Where's my present?"

"Hermione!"

"Well!"

"Have you ever heard of tact? Or patience?"

"_**Cheaters **_don't have those qualities!"

I slapped my forehead and ran my hand down my face while she kept eating my food. She's still stuck in her hysteria, obviously… She refuses to sleep in her own bed, and she woke me up this morning, wailing about how Fleur still hasn't written to her. I don't know if I should go behind her back and send my poor oblivious father a note about Hermione's _dream, _but I really need solid proof that it honestly was just a dream.

"Will you calm down—"

"You!" she barked, pointing _my _fork at a surprised-looking Anthony... "Stop staring at my daughter, you cad!"

"I um—er. Well… I can't help—"

"I don't want to hear it! You, ALL of you! Keep your eyes off of her!"

"Hermione, Hermione, chill with all the brouhaha! Now stop being over-protective—"

"So where's your boyfriend? I know that's who you've been with all weekend. You never introduced us."

"There _is _no one to introduce!"

"But you _must _be dating _some_one, Chanel; beautiful as you are… Come now, don't be afraid. I won't hurt him."

"I am not!" I yelled, throwing my hands in the air in irritation. Meg tried to cough back her giggles but Hermione heard her.

"Oh, oh, oh; you're seeing Meg. I understand."

"WHAT? Hermione, ne parlez pas, s'il vous plaît ! Vous-êtes très embarrassait, comprenez ?"

"Don't tell me not to talk! And I am _not _embarrassing! There's no need to yell, darling," she consoled, patting me on the head while she moved to steal my drink, too... "She's Cho's daughter; of _course _she's beautiful and downright charming. Only the best for you! You take after your father, Chanel, so it's a wonder that you're only the epitome of beauty here. Veela blood runs thick!" I heard Meg hiccup and the way Izzy was grinning at her worried face was _not_ a good sign…

"I get it, so you're bitter because your husband hasn't written to you—!"

"DESIST."

"Stop with the Fujin rendition and admit I'm right!"

"NEGATIVE."

"HERMIONE!"

"Take me somewhere for Chrissake, it's my birthday!"

"…I will—"

"NOW!"

"FINE! I'll see you guys later!"

Hermione smiled triumphantly while I threw my napkin down on the table and stormed out with her. Meg was looking at me with a blush on her face, but I tried my damndest to ignore her while I dragged Hermione out of there and back to my dorm.

Is it possible for her to have aged backwards at all today…? Please tell me I'm right, because she sure as hell is acting like she has…

* * *

I changed into a pair of dark blue jeans and a black Fendi turtleneck before I took Mrs. Damn Annoying Whiner down to Hogsmeade. There obviously wasn't any time or room to work on her present, so she'd just have to get it later or something. I took her to the Three Broomsticks and told Madam Rosmerta I'd pay for everything Hermione ordered.

This was a mistake.

After about three hours of her whining to me through the night about whatever to me in our secluded corner of the building and unholy amounts of firewhisky later, she was slurring to me about only God knows what while I peered at her carefully from behind my mug of butterbeer. _I _was completely sober, but someone _else _sure wasn't. This really isn't like her, so I know it has everything to do with Fleur…

I don't see how _she _deals with _Hermione, _either. Geez they really are meant for each other…

"So thennnnn…" Hermione slurred. "I asked if her refrigedaydurr was rrrunning…she said yeah… but I didn't say she should g-g-g-go catch the bunny! Lola wasn't too happy about that, you know…"

"Oh really?" I asked with heavily feigned interest.

"Nope…! HA! I GOTcha! Your voice…ahhhh…"

"What about it—"

"SING! _SING _FOR ABSOLUTION, CHANEL!"

"Maybe later."

"Do yooouuu have Stockholm syndrome…?"

"What's with the Muse references?" I almost smacked myself for trying to ask a wasted woman a direct question…

"I swear I won't abandon you again, Chanel… I won't forget you…"

"Hermione—"

"You're so pretty when I'm drunk…"

I'd decided I had enough while I snorted derisively and reached in my purse to get out my vial of Felix Felicis that I brewed for her. While she was busy sneezing, I put a few drops in her current shot. I wondered how good her judgment would be to tell the truth while she's drunk, but at least she won't remember what she said… Because if it really wasn't a dream, I don't want her to hear herself honestly confess it.

As soon as I put the vial away, she downed the rest of her shot and promptly moved to the next one. I figured I'd wait a little bit before I move into the interrogation while I switched la documentaire on and let it record.

"So, so, so, so, I told that Brazilian Hoe, YOU LISTEN HERE, GIRLFRAN! I ain't yo, I ain't yo pincushion! I'm not crazy! I'll show you! But thennnn no! She said I wassss juss jealous because she's a Brazilian prostitute! As if that constitutes her phobia of clothing, which, IN FACT, _IS _worth ridicule and disgust! And I told her, I told her well! I _never!"_

"You told her." I was seriously cracking my ribs trying to keep a straight face right now…oh my God HAHAHA!

"Just because I wrote some _story _about two women getting it on…! She she she told me, how DARE I make them make noises that one could mishear and believe they are in pain when actually it seems to be intense pleasure from sexual relations with another woman! She wassss like I'M TOO STRESSED OUT, I CAN'T HANDLE THIS."

"My, what a shame."

"I know! And can you BELIEVE she reported me to her local authorities in Brazil? Just because MY story was giving her severe psychological trauma! Writing about ANY of the person's five senses is most certainly NOT disgusting and I can't believe she nearly got me arrested because of it! She babbled on and on about how she can't HANDLE my story and she can't BELIEVE it, and how there is too much drama!"

"How dramatic." How fucking random is this? HAHAHAHA!

"Honestly! And who the hell is allergic to CLOUDS anyway? Do you know anyone who suffers violent reactions in their systems because of personal pronouns? And WHY would a kitchen be on anyone's list of personal fears! And who the fuck is Terry?"

"I really have no idea." I think I heard my ribs finally crack…my God…

"And do you know what the worst thing is that she said? She said that using my hands to type out words via keyboard onto anything that shows them on a screen is a sin! And crying is NOT a disgusting, BLASPHEMOUS abomination! Who the hell gets traumatized from reading about crying? And what kind of iguana gets crippled from a doorbell's chime? WHY would someone get offended by prepositions, verbs, nouns, capital letters, lowercase letters, pronouns, alphabet organization, punctuation, or bloody COLORED CLOTHING? And what is HICCUPHOBIA? That Brazilian Hoe called me a jerk, you know!

"And who says OMG anymore? HOW IS A DANCE CLUB DRAMATIC? And what did I do to her just by including a vehicle, women, FEMSLASH, drinking, BREATHING, humans, and INATIMATE OBJECTS in MY story?"

My face and arms were on the table, and I was slamming my fists on the surface from laughing so hard! My stomach felt like it was going to explode, tears were streaming down my face, but Hermione just kept going on and on with this determined look of anger on her face! Her drunken slurs came back, but damn it was still just as funny and I could NOT stop laughing!

"And my God, don't get me started onnnnn that French Hoe I'm mmmmarried to! She's ssssoooo toned, but her ass is too big now! I can hardly see her from behind it! YOU! Chanel, what are yooouuu laughing at, you albino! French and English Hoe, you are! But ANYWAY _my _French Hoe's boobs are far too large now too!

"There's this…this eighteen-year-old Canadian Hoe who calls herself being in love with her! OH, and we can't forget about that seventeen-year-old Austrian Hoe who obsesses over my husband, too! AND she turned me into a man! That Slavic Hoe just can't get enough of her, either! I swear, if that Puerto Rican Hoe is listening I'll maul her! You know, the one who wonders about me being with Harry or Ginny! ALL of those American Hoes too; there are too many of them! And those German Hoes and Mexican Hoes and Australian Hoes and English Hoes and Singaporean Hoes too! But my goodness, I almost forgot about the worst one! The Filipino Hoe! She glomps me too much!

"GOD, where was I! Oh, yesss… my little French Hoe… Fleur Dela… Delicious… Delectable… OH! Where is she? Did I tell you that Fleur knocked me out with her legs the other night? And wow… She'ssss sssuch a hunk, Chanel… If she were a man, I'm POSITIVE that there would be at least fifty Fleur Juniors in the world; all those baby mommas she'd no doubt have… I'm her baby momma though! I better be the onnnnnly one, I swear!

"I'm loyal to herrr…I'm drunk as a punk and sick as a dog right now, but I've never chhhheated on her… I remember, I remember; I said, I remember this this this dream I had when I got punked err drunk and had sex with this flirty cross dresser thing, Irvine. Made him come back home with me and screw me! But no…it was a dream! Woke up the next morning with an artificial hangover, can you, I said, can you belieeeeeve that! Vomiting from shock and panic… HA! Then again, I am but a mere woman! I have my needs! Where's my hubby when I need her…?"

I just barely contained my laughter and wiped my face while she went into a small fit of sobbing. Rosmerta was looking over at us fearfully from the other side of the bar, but I waved a wand dismissively and tried to compose myself…

Still…Hermione speaking like that is absolutely priceless… AND I managed to record it!

Okay…okay, calm down. I'm calm. I've just never laughed that much in my entire life. Hermione has gone through various mood swings all day… I can only wonder how her husband is when she's drunk… For now, I'd better take advantage of the Felix Felicis still in her system.

"So Hermione—"

"What! Can't you tell I'm severely stressed out right now? I CAN'T HANDLE THIS, I'M TOO STRESSED OUT."

"Calm down, calm down… I just want to—"

"I'M _NOT _MOVING!"

"I never said we were going anywhere."

"Are you upset? You think I'm distraught, don't you!"

"No—"

"FOUL PLAY, CHANEL!"

"HERMIONE!"

"Sorry, whaaaaa?"

"…" Deep breath, deep breath, deep breath…. "I just want to ask you some questions."

"Okay, surrrre, sugar." Sugar…? I shut the recording off before this got too hectic…

"…first of all, do you or do you not have inappropriate feelings for me?"

"They're notttt inappropriate!"

"Huh…?"

"You're fine…"

"Uhm?"

"You are! Fleur, you're so fine, you're so fine!"

"I'm NOT Fleur!"

"You're not!"

"No."

"Oh, I thought you werrrre Gabrielle… Darn… Here I thought I was getting some tonight…"

"FOWL PLAY, HERMIONE!"

"WE DO NOT PROVIDE CHICKENS HERE."

"…okay, I meant…" I snorted with laughter for a few moments, realizing how fucking _absurd _this all was… "FOUL not FOWL. Anyway—"

"I wanna ask yooouuu some questions, smexy."

"Smexy…?"

"How many have you banged?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"How many guys have you had? Come on, you can tell me!"

"NONE, Hermione. Do I look like a—"

"Albino French and English Hoe, yes you do!"

"HERMIONE!"

"You asked! That whorish father of yours…"

"Now that's just plain boorish."

"It is not! She _was _a whore back in her day!"

"Her day…that sounds so tacky."

"You're changing the subject, Chanel! We should have a threesome—"

"It's time we left, you look ill." Threesome!

"No, no, no! A threesome, you, you, me, you and Fleur! Ohh daddy would love it—"

"Let's go, Hermione—"

"I'M _NOT _MOVING!"

"Oh, for Chrissake, maman…"

Hermione stopped mid-reach for another shot of firewhiskey while I stood up out of impatience. She looked up at me with teary eyes, and I looked at her oddly; there she goes again with the fucking mood swings. I'll be damned if she gets motion sickness because of it. We just had the most random conversation in the entire history of…conversations…then she goes off on me again about how SHE'S _NOT _MOVING! in her whiny voice, now she's…crying!

And what the hell does she think she's playing at with this threesome business? GROSS! What the hell was I thinking, liking her! Ugh…

I sighed just as Rosmerta finally came over to clean up for us. She gave me the eye after glancing at Hermione, but I just shook my head and shooed her away once she finished. Hermione was still crying, if not sobbing. I walked over to her side of the table and put an arm over her shoulder while I helped her to her feet.

"…why are you crying?"

"Let's just…go back to the castle, please… I'll tell you in a minute… I need to lie down."

"Of course."

"Chanel?"

"Hm?"

"I miss Fleur…"

"I know…"

"And I love you, I'm sorry…"

"…I know…"

After long hours of Hermione not cleansing her stomach on my clothes this time, I put a cool towel on her forehead and let her lay down on my bed. I was busy trying to finish her present while I sat on the floor with it right by the bed so she couldn't see; it was almost midnight.

It's going to take some snooping around to edit the recording and get it on a disc. I'll send it to Papa when I finish, though. I was still wondering why in the world Hermione said the things she did, even if she was drunk with Felix Felicis in her system. Probably just not a good mix…hmm…

I'll have to try it on Papa one day.

"Chanel…"

"Hm?"

"There was another reason why I was crying…"

"What's that?"

"You called me maman."

"Oh… I did, didn't I?"

"I'm sorry. I'm just very sensitive…"

"Apparently," I chuckled.

"I was…touched, to say the least."

"Mmm…" I held back a powerful urge to be sarcastic and kept on with my work.

"Look at me…it's my birthday and I spend it getting drunk in front of my daughter… I'm miserable."

"You miss Fleur."

"I feel like an imbecile for what I did to her…"

"Live and learn."

"How am I going to tell her…?"

"Don't."

"I'm already avoiding her as it is. The second I see her I'm going to be a wreck. 'Oh hi Fleur, I'm sorry but I cheated on you. Where do I sign?' …I'm hopeless."

"Stop putting yourself down. If you won't believe that it's just a dream, then fine. But…I have something for you."

"You're too generous, stop…"

"Okay fine. Everyone else sent you something, too."

"What…? You're lying to me."

"No I'm not," I chuckled while I hid my present just at the foot of the bed while I got up to retrieve her other ones I hid. "You've presents from Harry, Ron, Gabrielle, Antoinette, Draco, Squall, George, Giselle, Dominique, Astrid and your board of directors, a bunch of employees, Diana, Kenneth, some friends whom I'm unfamiliar with, and…"

I trailed off when I realized there was nothing here from Papa. Fuck…

I tried to keep the anger or…whatever the hell I was feeling off my face while I levitated all of her presents on the bed for her to open. It's very possible she showed up at the house expecting to surprise Hermione or something… And of course she can't call; our phones don't work at Hogwarts. But we were in Hogsmeade for hours, surely she would have called us. I had Hermione's phone with me just in case.

While she was busy unwrapping her presents, I heard her chuckle a little bit. That was good…but it would NOT be good if she doesn't have a present from her husband before midnight… The only thing that was coming to my mind was to give Hermione her Christmas present early and say it was from Fleur…but that'd be such a horrible lie…

_The worst part about being lied to is knowing you're not worth the truth…_

Well I'll be damned…

I pretty much stood with my back to her the whole time while she busied herself with unwrapping still and reading cards. I barely heard her say that her cards from Harry, Gabrielle, Antoinette, Squall, and Ron were the longest, filled with apologies upon apologies and promises to never behave in such a way ever again. That was fine. But…Fleur…

Shit. Okay, okay, my mind was seriously teeming with the mere _assumption _that she showed up at the house expecting to surprise Hermione. Okay. I'll just…tell her that.

"Hermione, I'm sure she—"

"Fleur knows I'm here."

I turned around and noticed that she'd already set the presents, wrapping paper, and cards aside while she was busy staring at her hands sadly. Damnit… Might as well get this over with…

"I didn't see anything for you…from her. Nothing…"

And I think…this is the first time I've ever felt sorry for anyone while I walked over to the foot of the bed, tempted between tearing up my work or just letting her see it. I felt so…empty. There was a piercing silence floating through my ears, while I let everything sink in. Hermione looked just as hollow, and she was smiling a little. In disbelief, most likely.

Or maybe she wasn't expecting anything from her at all…

"Hermione…I can't make any excuses for her, if that's…if that's what you want."

"She's a grown woman, Chanel. I don't expect anything of the sort from you."

"You were basically saying that you don't deserve anything from her, you know that right?"

"I'm amazed…simply amazed."

"By what?"

"You."

"Me?"

She looked up and smiled sadly at me before patting the space next to her. I took a deep breath and picked up the paper by my feet and kept it face down while I sat on the bed with her. I know she was looking down at the paper in a bit of surprise, but I knew it was just going to make her even more upset than she already is.

"How are you amazed?"

"You've no tact."

"Thanks…"

"In a good way. I needed to hear that. Anyone else would have told me some excuse for her and move on to tell me that everything would be alright. As if they understood."

"You hang around too many women and gay men."

"And what are you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're a woman, and yet you don't claim yourself to be one. I know you're not a man. You've never told me about any romantic dreams of yours."

"I don't think about that kind of stuff."

"Chanel, you're beautiful…so much to the point where it irritates me that people gawk at you so. I mean, I know many of them stare at me too, but you're the one they all look up to."

"I don't want anyone to have the satisfaction of saying that they had me."

Hermione looked at me wide-eyed for a moment, even after I heard a knock at the door. I grumbled and got up, completely oblivious to the paper that slid off my lap and into hers in the process…

"Yeah, what—"

"I'm sorry."

"Gio? What are you doing, it's like five minutes to midnight?"

"I was bitter."

"No shit."

"No…for real, I was. Big time. I mean, you keep turning me down and I don't want to give up on you. Got to the point where I did something real stupid. Just go ahead and give me detention until we graduate…"

"What are you—"

My jaw nearly fell off my face when he handed me a huge parcel with Hermione's name on it. That handwriting…

"You nosy fuck! Who told you to sort through other peoples' mail?"

"Sorry… Sorry, Chanel. You already know I really like you and—"

"Well tough, cuz I don't like you. If you really want to know, I'm not interested in guys."

"Say what—"

"Good night!" I made to shut the door in his face but he shoved his foot in the doorway. I opened it back and snorted at him while he winced and took his foot back out.

"Wait!"

"What?"

"Is that why you got so mad? You're a lesbian?"

"Fuck labels, now scram—"

"You like Meg?"

"Beat it—"

"Chanel, Goddamnit, we all told her to bugger off when you left earlier because we thought you were straight. Now she's all pissed at us."

"She doesn't…"

"Yes, she does… I got really pissed off about it and started firing off curses in the air earlier…shot this bird down by accident, and I kept the parcel out of spite. I know your mom's name is Hermione…I know it's her birthday today… Tell her we all said hi and me, Adrian and Izzy are sorry for being pervs about her the other day."

"…Giovanni."

"Yeah…?"

"Detention with Trepe for as long as she deems necessary. You tell her everything you just told me. I'd take points away but it's not that serious."

"Understood…sorry."

"And Gio?"

"Yeah?"

"Fuck you."

I shut the door in his face and sighed while I turned back to Hermione, and I completely forgot about everything that just happened.

My heart jumped up my throat when I saw her holding my drawing I worked so hard on in her trembling hands, crying quietly… I swallowed and walked over to the bed again while I awkwardly set the parcel down and retrieved the letter for her first.

"Sorry you had to hear that."

"Come sit with me…please…"

I nodded and kept the letter in my hands while I realized how nervous I was as I sat down cross-legged, facing her. It was just Hermione looking at a drawing I made for her… A very realistic drawing of her and Fleur; an almost exact replica of a picture I managed to snag before Fleur hid all of the photo albums away in some random part of the house. It was of them, of course, at Apolline and Lionel's mansion, that day Hermione proposed to Fleur. Lionel conveniently had a camera and managed to sneak a picture from a wonderful angle. I'm so glad he did…

Hermione was on her knees, smiling up at my teary-eyed father. It was so hard to draw her like that, you know… but I guess it worked. Hermione obviously knew I drew it; I signed my name at the bottom and put today's date. I never did tell her that I know how to draw, though. Must be a huge surprise for her.

But, eh…what's life without surprises?

"Th-this…how…you…"

"I found out I know how to draw well around this time last year. Funny…the first thing I drew was your face. People were in shock from how realistic it looked and I do commissions for a good bit of money."

"You…she and I…I proposed this day…this is…"

"You don't like it," I said with an obvious tone of fake disappointment. I even hung my head for effect, but I felt the edges of my mouth curl up.

All I did was blink and Hermione's arms were around me, and she kept mumbling thank you over and over again for a moment until she let her crying take over. I almost fell back in surprise, but I slowly put my arms around her and before I knew it I had to calm her down; she was crying relentlessly now… I really wasn't sure what to do. I was used to Hermione's random bursts of crying by this point, and I don't find them off-putting anymore. I suppose they build character…for the both of us.

But I wasn't sure if I was relieved or disappointed when she finally let go of me and turned around to sit on my lap. She still held her drawing in her hands while I realized I was still holding the letter in mine.

"Open it so we can read."

"'We'?"

"Yes, now let's have a look."

I was surprised she trusted me to read her mail while I opened the envelope and unfolded the letter. But the unfolding was a task in and of itself; Papa obviously put a lot of time into folding this paper rather elaborately, so much to the point that Hermione actually giggled at my confusion. I grumbled and managed to get it open after a moment.

A part of me felt like I shouldn't have been reading this, but Hermione wanted me to…so where was the harm? Besides, I've never really seen this side of Papa before, in person or otherwise.

Just in a lousy photo…

_I'm sorry I can't be there with you on your birthday, Hermione. Work is a terrible excuse. I feel so horrible about it… I ought to quit this job and focus on you and Chanel more. Then again, I have no idea how to do that, exactly. Running away to work seems so much…easier._

_I know the distance isn't helping our relationship at all. I know you're probably upset right now. I know all of these things, but I feel like I don't know how to be a proper husband anymore. I can't even make time to write to you. Even this, it's taken me hours to write and this is just barely the second paragraph. It's why I haven't been responding to your letters… How can I say this…?_

_Remember our vows? Do you remember our day, even? Back when I was naïve enough to think that my days after we found each other once more wouldn't be grim at all… I only thought the separation would be the bad part. But now…now I feel like a lost soul, even more so now that I know I truly still have my place in your endless heart and yet so much more than distance is separating us right now._

_We both know that I love you far more than words can even begin to describe. Actions, thoughts, gestures; none of it can amount to what I feel for you, and I hope you'll always remember that. I know I'm never going to be absolute on this, but I feel like I'm running away from you with all of this work business. I know I miss you, and from your letters you obviously miss me. But I know, now that we're thousands of miles apart, that I want nothing more than to be in your arms right now._

_We started dating exactly twenty years ago. Twenty, Hermione… Twenty years and I still feel a warm ache for you in my heart because we're separated like this. This fire you've lit in me has not died. The hope I've had from the memories we have keep it going, ever growing, never slowing, always lighting me and warming me with the reminder of how much I love you. I feel it now. I feel it in places that I never knew I had yesterday. I keep discovering more of myself when I realize how much my love for you keeps growing…growing, and growing, lighting the way to more and more cobwebs of my insecurities._

_I wonder why I still let them bother me. I wonder why I always need you to chase them all away with your love for me whenever they come up. It's a cycle that will seemingly never change. Maybe I do need you to slap me in the face with surprises sometimes. Maybe I do need you to chase me down; love me up again…no matter what. No matter what you or I have done, I can't forget about you and move on. There may come a day when I want to push you away for whatever stupid reasons…but I will never forget the way you lit me up that day of your interview so many years ago. I can never forget the way you burn me tenderly with your smiles, incinerate me lovingly with your kisses; make me glow…with passion…for me…just like you said. Even though you're not here, you're doing it by just…reading this._

_A part of me wonders if I'm no longer what you need. Things have happened, time has passed, and yet I still feel like I'm stuck in the vortex where I only have hope to cling to. I get beside myself when I'm alone, and I think too much. It's a wonder how you can love someone as complicated and troublesome as I am. I don't want to bother you with all of this back and forth nonsense; that's why I can't find the heart to write you anything. I hate awkward silences, which is why I never call, regardless if you're at Hogwarts or not. Even now, writing in this expensive suite overlooking such a beautiful city…I feel so alone. Alone to the point of tears. I wish you were here, but I need to sort myself out. I need to remember how to love myself before we can move on and be happy again._

_If you don't want to wait, I understand. I completely understand. I'll do anything you ask me to, and that includes separation. I've been too selfish, hung up on not asking you to come with me because I want you to miss me. Which is why…I've included something familiar as a part of your gift. Again, I'm sorry. I don't even know whether to tell you happy birthday or not…_

_Your ever loving, devoted husband,_

_Fleur_

My hands were shaking when I set the letter down. I just barely felt myself bring the parcel in front of us, and I could barely see it; my eyes were watery. This clenching feeling in my throat was so unfamiliar…and I know I'd feel it again when Hermione mumbled for me to open the present for her.

I bit my lip and felt her tears on my arms while I carefully unwrapped the paper, already feeling like I invaded her privacy enough as it is. That letter… I had no idea she could even write like that.

And when I finally finished unwrapping…I swear I couldn't take it anymore. That barely familiar feeling of realization; the memory from when I cried all those years ago because I saw how much they love each other hit me. Waves poured out of my eyes and I held Hermione and shut my eyes against her shoulder because it was too much…I _felt _it this time, and I saw it.

Tens of filled journals with her handwriting, dozens of white roses, all of the pictures they'd taken together, their old iPods, a bunch of fresh fruit, hundreds of poems dated over the past thirteen years on endless rolls of parchment that all started with _Hermione, _and…the garter Hermione wore…all wrapped around a golden band with blue and clear diamonds shaped like a flower.

Fleur's wedding ring.


	82. La Melancolía

October 14th; San Diego, California, United States of America.

_**LXXXV. **__La Melancolía_

_(Hermione's POV)_

So I waited a little while to go see Mr. Delacour. I still haven't _seen_ her. But I've heard her; I've watched her come and go from this hotel we're staying in. She'd have a right fit if she knew I've been in the suite right next to hers for nearly a month, but she said she needed time…so now she has time; I'm giving it to her. I haven't bothered with any methods of trying to contact her, because for some reason, I don't feel the need to.

It's late, and I know she's in her room. I should talk to her. I know I could have very well just stayed with Chanel if this is the case, but I think I needed the time to myself. But at the same time, all I've been doing is letting my frustrations fester inside of me.

Even though I'm sitting here reading all of her journals, the way her writing _screams _that she never lost her love for me after all that time is making me irritated. All of that suffering, and for what? I kept my anger to a minimum for her consideration, but it's pissing me off that she's letting herself almost push me away. She's trying to push me away, saying she _understands _if I don't want to wait for her.

It's been seven months since we've started _trying _to get back together. Seven months later, and I feel like everything is going downhill… Fleur never seems to learn anything unless I get in her face about her problems, and though I'm fed up with that obvious method, I'm convinced that I'm going to have to use it again.

Goddamnit, Fleur…

_There is no possible way for me to say this with absolute certainty, but I don't know what to do with myself anymore. How the fuck long has it been? How many times have I told myself to move on, only to look around and see something that reminds me of her? These poems, these endless paragraphs of mourning, contempt, wasting away, hope, sorrow; an eternity of eight years it's been so far, and I still can't fight her._

_I look at where I'm sitting, and I remember how I felt with her tangled in these sheets with me. If I look at the floor, I feel disgusted with myself for savoring that ground which she once treaded so many years ago. I can't escape her, no matter where I go. Writhing alone whenever I remember the way she makes me feel; _makes _not _made…_it pisses me off, it shatters me, it melds me and fixes me; all at the same damn time. My love for her is dangerous; apocalyptic. It will be the end of me if I don't do something soon, but I don't know what the fuck to do. _

_Love is more beautiful when you can't have it, when you don't want it; when all it does is threaten to destroy you whenever you think about her smile. Her valiant attempts at control over herself were all I had to go off of for so long. I know I brood and sour about everything all the time, and even if the day ever comes that she's back in my arms, I'm going to lose my damn mind._

_Why is Hermione so idyllic to me in my memories, but now that I'm in denial about her, all I want to do is spite her in my thoughts so I don't feel nearly as bad about being alone? A torment of cataclysms keep slapping me and sending me into endless whirlwinds whenever I so much as let the thought of sex with her graze my mind. Even now, I want to throw this straight across the room; I want to destroy everything that is not her so that nothing can ever keep us apart. _

_I want nothing more than to __ANNHILATE__ everything and anything that I don't love; her amnesic barriers being the main fucking problem right now! Why? Why, why, why, why does everything I stand for have to be her mortal enemy right now, even though every part of me, every part that once was me and what will be me threatens her very life? There IS no fairness in the world anymore; nothing is right, nothing is left, up, down, in between; nothing. Nothing exists, or at least nothing that I care to give a shit about. _

_Hermione, Hermione, Hermione, Hermione, Hermione; none of this is worth the energy if I can't whisper your name to you in your ear and make you laugh softly anymore. Don't tell me no…because I can't anymore. It feels like it's been an eternity since you've said anything to me, and I want you so, so, so badly… Your smiles every morning aren't for me anymore, I don't have anything of you anymore, you're no longer mine… Loving you slaps the end of everything right in my face, because I can't have you…even if for the moment. At this point, I don't know what to believe anymore. My fucking GOD, Hermione, I want you! I fucking NEED you… If you'd just tell me that you love me now, even if you're damned to never remember me anymore, that would be enough…_

_I'm breathing past my capacity right now, because I keep telling myself that you'll always have me, even if I can't have you. If you don't want me today, I'll keep waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting…despite myself…_

All of her entries were like that; she sounded so pained and patient, all at the same time. Every single one of them kept _slamming _the reminder in my head that she's just confused right now… It's been such a long time, and I know I shouldn't be angry at her. I am angry, but not at her. I'm angry at the situation; I'm mad that Fleur's trying so hard, maybe even _too _hard to get past this. She's let it build up inside of her and she's been using excuses not to write to me because she probably doesn't want to come off as needy and insecure.

Well, maybe I've just been going about things all wrong… maybe I should get off my ass and fix this; I've given her enough time. I've read everything except for two more poems now…just two more…

_Hermione,_

_In the rain of September, I found you  
changes of every sort, every dimension  
new sensations, new reflections in my mind; you, you, you…_

_History repeats itself; oh, how I know…  
grazing my hand with yours;  
it seems like yesterday and always, but no…_

_You're still in my life, so much more  
every day; you give me yet another color  
with every gesture and every fantasy  
and in your smiles of endless melancholy_

_Like a train rushing at me  
with my emotions, and the thousand pleas  
your gaze is yet another caress for me  
and you always, always know how to enter my dreams_

_Everything happened so fast with you and I  
you don't belong to me, nor me to you  
like we didn't give each other enough time to love each other completely_

_If I gave you any less attention, even now  
it's probably what you don't want; not what you don't notice  
I try to watch you from afar…but all I see is your…scowl_

_But you still continue in my life so much more  
in my silence, and far, far beyond  
it's just like a small breath of serenity  
when I think I'm just one more dawn closer to a new freedom_

_Everything that I never could understand  
it's all so clear in your eyes, Hermione…  
Your gaze is yet another caress for me  
it reaches places no one could ever, ever hope to be…_

_Hermione,_

_I'm a nude tree without you  
my roots keep drying, abandoned  
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you…_

_There's nothing that doesn't remind me of you  
in this house, in the darkness  
and you don't miss me, my love  
when I look for God in the emptiness  
in the void without you, I just want to tell you…_

_I miss you, Hermione; the pain is too, too much  
this challenge, to breathe without you; I can't keep this up…  
somehow, not being with you makes me forget  
it makes me forget how to live_

_But your soul still remains  
and I can still hear your voice when I close my eyes  
and sometimes, here in my arms  
I can pretend I feel you all over again_

_And then I see us again, together  
just one heart; all of us belonging in one ephemeral being  
in every tear, every sigh, moan, scream; there you are  
I can never, ever forget you…never…_

_Every day I die a little more  
and I just feel so, so cold  
I want to run to your side  
I want to be with you  
I want…you, you, you…_

* * *

I stood outside her door that night in nothing but a black silk nightgown. It exposed my back and came just to my knees, and I made sure to darken my hair to that shade of brown she loves. To show off? Perhaps.

Even though she's fragile right now, that didn't stop my resolve from growing that much more firm for what I have in mind to do with her.

I knocked, and she didn't answer, but I know she's in there. People who passed by the dark hallway looked at me strangely, but I didn't give a damn about them. I had my arms folded, brow furrowed; I was _not _moving from this spot until she answered the door.

In between more knocking and more statuesque waiting, I kept getting more and more frustrated. Everything she'd written just SCREAMED how badly she wanted me back, and now she's letting her insecurities take over? I should be toning my anger down, but I _know _how to deal with her. It's unfortunate that she's so hard-headed, but I'd rather she act like this than be haughtily in denial about her true feelings.

Fleur _is _my only love; she knows this. She knows EVERYTHING about how we feel about each other, and yet here I stand, knocking. I'm practically _raping _my knuckles against this door, and I _know _she's in there; I stood out here for a moment before knocking, and the light just barely visible beneath the door went away just minutes ago. She can't have fallen asleep that quickly, and I know she's depressed, but come on!

I would shout, but I want to see the look on her face when she opens this door and finally realizes that it's me. I _refuse _to move from this spot until I see her…entrancing body again. The things she wrote kept weighing my heart down with a thousand deliberate pangs and bruises, and I want Fleur to fix them. I _need _to fix hers, too. She's being scared and selfish and absolutely _intolerable _right now judging from how much we're supposed to love each other! I can't just give her the 'Aww Fleur, it's okay, I still love you!' treatment, because that's not fair to her; she won't understand how _upset _I am right now if I do that.

My fist slammed against her door one last time before I went back to wrapping my sore hands around my waist; she finally, finally opened the door… The look on her face was absolutely priceless, but I couldn't linger there…not now. Even though I wanted to lose myself in the pale glow her skin was giving off from the moonlight enveloping her suite, I had to do this…

I rushed inside without looking her in the eye before I could get too caught up, then shut the door behind me and locked it. I walked over to her window and kept my back facing her while I looked down at the cars racing past on the freeway not too far off. Her breaths sounded very jagged for a moment, but that was probably from the surprise I gave her.

The silence in the room was actually rather…comforting. I strained my ears to listen for any signs of her approaching, but all I could hear was her rhythmic breathing. I bet anything the scowl on my face right now would rupture everything about her right now, though. A part of me was expecting a hug, or a kiss, or at least a bloody HELLO right now, but she was choosing to keep her silence… another part of me was fighting with myself for being angry to begin with, but I really don't know what to think anymore.

But even if I'm not justified for feeling the way I am, and even if she's not either, this needs to be fixed.

"'Ermione, I'm… I'm sorry."

"Hello to you too, darling."

I finally willed my body to face her, and she still hadn't moved from her spot by the door. My teeth clenched and I only felt my scowl deepen; she was staring at her feet. She was giving herself a guilt trip, but it still shook the core of my heart how very sorry I knew she was. It's tiring me out that she's so difficult right now, but I cannot deny how captivating she is, even with all of her faults blaring so loudly in my ears to fill this silence between us. She was fully clothed, black jeans, white shirt, old Converse; _our _outfit. Her hair was still messy in a dreadfully attractive way, and her face… Her face, God, her face…

There was no denying that she was still so, so striking from just her presence alone. It was comforting to finally be in the same room as her, and to see her exquisite features after so long was just as relaxing, if not still so very, very maddening at the same time. The sorrow on her face was more than apparent.

Her skin was still aglow from the moonlight, and her natural charms. I would have never thought I'd see Fleur of all people looking so downtrodden with her hands stuffed in her pockets in shame.

"Fleur…you know I love you to death and back. But not this Fleur. Not this one. It's almost like you're a stranger to me right now. I don't understand; you look just like the woman in the picture by our bed. You can't be who you say you are; who you _feel _you are in regards to me…you _must _be someone else.

"My Fleur wouldn't treat me the way she did _without saying a word. _She would adore me; she wouldn't ignore me. Even now, you haven't kissed me. And before, you _said_ goodbye with _no words_. It took me a while to figure it out, because I just couldn't believe it… What could it be? Is there someone imitating me? Could she be taking my place?"

I sashayed my way over to her and kept my scowl while I looked up at her. She still refused to look at me, but I moved my red hand to her face and basked in the smooth of her skin. My palm moved to her chin, and I moved forward abruptly to pin her against the wall and shake her face a little to make her look at me, but she just gasped and shut her eyes…

Goddamnit, now…

"_Look me in the face, _Fleur. _Tell _me I'm wrong… The walls can't speak for you. Or how about a pop quiz – tell me where we first kissed. Tell me _when _and _where _I proved my love for you. Tell me… Tell me something… Unless it's me. Maybe I'm the stranger. Have I changed so drastically? Is it I want more for me, and you remain the same?"

"No…"

"No _what?"_

"I'm the same Fleur… I promise you…"

I moved my free hand right in front of her face and opened it while I shook her face a little to get her to open her eyes. She still wouldn't…

"Open your eyes then… Open your eyes and look at the lie I have sitting right in the palm of my hand."

My heart kept skipping beats when she let me see her eyes. The blue I remember was dark now; somber. She stared at her ring; the ring I had hoped wouldn't be put through anymore torture. But it was…it has…

Even though she was crying, I couldn't stop. She _needs _to hear this.

"I've been stressing myself out ever since you left again. I played Chanel's game for twelve hours straight to forget about you, got upset anyway, and I got so bad in the head that I had a DREAM that I got drunk and cheated on you with some _man. _Do you know how freaked out I was when I woke up? Do you know how hysterical I was when I was _vomiting _out of shock, sobbing, in pain, and absolutely TORN because I thought I'd breached your trust? And my birthday, get this - I was THAT stressed out that I got drunk and made a fool of myself in front of our daughter! All because I missed you so, so much.. Can you believe that?

"I've been driving Chanel insane, but I know she tried her best to take care of me…but she wouldn't have had to do nearly as much if you'd at least written to me! I don't know how many letters I've sent you, asking, no, _begging _you to take just an HOUR out of your busy schedule to take a portkey to London and apparate to Hogsmeade so we could spend time together!

"I read everything you wrote in your journals. I read all of your poems. I looked through all of our pictures. And you know what? I CRIED. I feel like you just don't care, even though everything you stand for just _screams _otherwise! Do you know how many times you pretty much promised that you wouldn't make me cry like _th-this _anymore? Do you know how badly I've wanted t-to hold you, to comfort you, to just make everything go away…? I hardly recognize the woman you are today…but it's not too late. You t-told me I'm not alone… You _sang _to me when I n-needed you most that you'll always be here with me. You SAVED me, Fleur…even if it was for the moment. But I will never forget that… If you're lost, then I am…don't you see?

"Do you see this…? Do you see this lie? I know why you gave it to me…but it's because something changed. You think something between us has changed. You're not the only one with insecurities…and to think that I wouldn't wait for you, which I have, is insulting. I _do_ think you silly for having insecurities that drive your decisions and thoughts. But this here in between us, _not _just this ring, should be the ONLY thing that you need to remind yourself that I. Love. You… And to think that I'd throw all of this away…"

I let go of her face and closed my eyes to take a deep breath. Every word I read in that astounding handwriting of hers kept swirling inside of me, spinning me around and sending me to my knees… and they did just that while I felt myself get down on one knee and hold her hand in both of mine. I let my face relax while I gazed up at her eyes, still glazed and laden with tears and unnecessary emotions…

And then I thought to the drawing Chanel drew. How convenient that she drew _that _moment of ours, and look what I have to do…yet again…

"Fleur… You already know that I absolutely, positively, completely and utterly love you. Even if we did separate, I wouldn't have the will to forget you, let alone stay away from you. It's gotten to the point that no matter what you do…I will not leave you. I will _not_. Even now, I can't take my eyes off of you… I can't take my mind off of you…

"It's funny…we're both so in love and yet we're still living a life in mono. Do you know how many times I've listened to that song? I don't…want to leave you. Ever. I will never forget the way you looked at me when I walked down that aisle, the way you waved to me so shyly…none of it. And I will never, ever be able to move on if you were to leave me… So, please…take this ring and never take it off…"

I moved my gaze down to her hand to slip the ring on her finger one…last time. To be completely honest, I did mean it when I said I'm staying with her no matter what. But I knew I still had to keep her on her toes; convince her that I'm really, really serious about everything I just said.

I let go of her hand and stood up. She went back to looking at her feet, and I sighed. I don't know why she's still clammed up, but my presence obviously isn't helping any.

"Wake me up when you go to work tomorrow. I'm going with you. If you don't, then you can imagine what I'll do. My room is to the right of this one. Now goodnight."

And of course, she didn't even look at me. She didn't even give my ears the pleasure of warming up from the sound of her voice. I closed my eyes in irritation and got on the tips of my toes to kiss her, but she took too long to react. I let the five seconds or so of savoring her soft lips after all this time stay with me. I made it drive my footing down and move to unlock the door.

I stood there for a moment with my hand on the doorknob, just waiting to open it. My mind clicked to Chanel, and I actually had to bite down a sarcastic laugh when I thought of something to say right now.

"Thank you for walking me to the door. Quite the gentleman you are, Fleur. I'm not going to lie – I am angry with you. But you know me. I'll see you in the morning."

And then I left. Did she go after me? No. I wasn't expecting her to, anyway.

But she has a _lot _of work to do tomorrow, and I'm not just talking about posing in front of a camera and taking beautiful pictures…


	83. Lenocinor

October 15th

_**LXXXVI. **__Lenocinor _

_(Fleur's POV)_

It took me a long time to lay down that morning. Even now, I'm laying here in the dark on top of the duvet, wearing absolutely nothing but my ring, staring at the wall. Hermione's room is there…

There have been so many things on my mind ever since Hermione's birthday. So many regrets and wonderings about whether I really should have sent her my ring. I didn't think that she would get that angry… Well hell, I wasn't thinking about her at all this whole time! She's always so composed and strong in my eyes that I didn't think how she'd feel about anything… I didn't, and now I'm paying for it…

It felt drafty in here. It was cool in here, compared to how warm my face felt after realizing everything I've been doing and everything I _haven't _been doing. Most especially the latter…

That uncomfortable, chilly air enshrouded my legs again while I thought back to that dream I kept having about Hermione touching me…and look where I am now. On a bed, alone, in the dark of all the moonlight enshrouding my room… I was staring at my ring now. The moon was too bright, the chains I felt around my lungs were too tight, and this…_beast _I felt inside of me, for Hermione, would _not _shut up. It kept enveloping me, ripping my insides apart with guilt and sewing them back together with enough arousal for Hermione to make me writhe and groan…

I watched my ring move with my hand. It settled on my hip while I sighed and spread my legs like a butterfly. Her allure kept fluttering through me, speeding through me, singing me, lifting me up and throwing me _down _over and over again that I hissed and closed my eyes.

What the hell is wrong with me? I love her; I shouldn't be in here, alone, on the border of glossing my inch-long nails down further and further in between my legs. I groaned again and clutched a handful of the duvet with my free hand; Hermione shouldn't be upset right now. It's my fault. I did this to her. I'm doing this to _myself, _all because I still can't deal with her being back. These sensations inside of me are here just from the mere _thought _of her…the mere mirage of her standing at the foot of my bed, watching me.

Punishing me…

I inhaled sharply and let one side of my face stay on my pillow and I kept my eyes closed; my nail found me. I felt so exposed and wrong and idiotic for making my wife upset by doing absolutely NOTHING.

Hermione, Hermione… I barely felt myself murmur your name while my breathing kept getting sharper and sharper from my nails exploring where your mouth hasn't been in ages… Your delicate fingers, your dexterous tongue, your gentle teeth, your sweet breath, your tender words, your dark, lustrous, sinful, sexy eyes; they all belong here, here where my nail is giving way to the tip of my finger.

I'm sorry… I'm sorry for trying to rub the pain away with my finger right now. I'm sorry for taking this task away, which only, solely, and wholly belongs to you; my wife, my love, my Hermione, my everything… I feel more tears well up in my eyes for stealing this from you… This which has kept me longing for you with that much more anguish after all these years.

The tip of my finger moved down to wrap itself in the liquid heat I wish you could drink from me now; this duvet is not you, it does not deserve this, but _I _do! _I _deserve to tease myself with my finger moving back up, settling on this delicate spot of nerves that I wish, I wish, I _wish _you could be here to explore for me, with me…

My body jerked about dangerously while I started the wordless punishment you asked so simply of me. Your scowl, your rage, your fire, your ever burning _passion _for me keeps spinning in my thoughts, making me move my finger from side to side, never leaving that same spot, and all the while I keep _castigating _myself because I've been a horrible, horrible husband to you! I'm sorry, I'm sorry… my quiet whining isn't enough, but it's all I can do. It's all I can do…

I felt tears scratch down my face while more and more jolts kept ensuing from in between my legs, and I made my finger speed up more and more despite my weary hand. My thumb was putting pressure on my skin to hold my hand in place, to make me move my finger left and right on my spot over and over and over, faster and faster and faster, harder, harder harder harder…

Hermione, please, please, please forgive me… Even whimpering this softly to the night air can't express how sorry I am. How sorry I am to have made you cry, to have broken my promises, to have been so _fucking _selfish! I don't know who I am right now, but if I keep this up, despite what you may say, I fear you will leave me… Please, Hermione, please please _please _don't leave me…

More jolts and more spasms and more tension kept building while I used the tip of my fingernail to flick back and forth in the same left and right direction, still using my whole hand to move in the direction of my finger. My hand was almost vibrating in between my legs at this point, and I only felt more tears leave me while I kept imagining Hermione's face, her arousal, her pleasure, her absolute satisfaction at seeing me like this…

Whining and whimpering and moaning kept coming from me, louder and louder still, and I felt my thighs shiver over and over again from the ever building tension. But I kept wailing louder and louder like the baby I am for her, still damning myself for my climax and feeling so damn guilty for my pleasure at the same time… It feels so good, Hermione…so good, so good, so _good _but you're not the one whose hand is between my legs, making me feel this way. You're not…you're not…you're not, and whose fault is that…?

My guilt just made everything feel better. The climax kept going on and on forever, more moisture kept building and slowly seeping down… I kept running through my promises I made to you and couldn't keep. But I can't get you back by just begging on my knees, despite how hard and loud I'm moaning and crying right now…

A gentle haze started to overtake me right when I focused on my nail's ministrations and how beautiful you are… I was threatening to spill any second now. Any second now…for you…

The beast keeps roaring inside of me for you, Hermione… You, you, you; I love you… I need you right now… I just want to crawl to you and fall to your feet and…and…and…your beauty…your beauty…

God, you're so beautiful… So beautiful and look at me… Look at me! My sobs were guttural, and when I spoke to you now, I felt my orgasm _blow _out of me just like the spurt of liquid heat in between my legs right when I wailed and moaned right at the same time….

"_**HOWL**_at your beauty…! Hermione… Hermione… Hermione, I'm sorry!"

I smacked my soaked hand over my mouth while I felt my hips relax. My eyes were wide in shock, my breaths were heavy, and I couldn't even bask in the remnants of my orgasm lazily floating through me while my mind took off… Did I really…say that?

"Hermione… Hermione…"

The way my cries left me was instinctive to remember and act on for me to say your name properly… That song… That song!

_A gentle hand on my shoulder, a svelte waist underneath mine, and our free ones interlaced. Lovingly. Adoringly. Obsessively. _

_A simple sway to the music sung by a man who knew everything I knew I'd have to tell her one day…_

"If you want a lover, I'll do anything you ask me to… And if you want another kind of love, I'll wear a mask for you… If you want a partner, take my hand… Or if you want to strike me down in anger, here I stand… I'm…your…man."

Of course… of course… How could I forget that song? That song is so symbolic of everything I am for you, Hermione. Just _thinking _about that verse makes me shiver for you.

"I'd crawl to you, baby, and I'd fall at your feet… I'd _**HOWL**_at your beauty like a dog in heat! I'd claw at your heart…and I'd tear at your sheet, I'd say _**please!**_

"'Cause I'm your man…"

How could I have been so stupid…? I _need _you… And I still love you, I still worship you, I still adore you…

I'll prove it to you time and time again for as long as I live…

* * *

It felt nice to be like a giddy teenager, waiting outside her door with a grin on my face after I knocked. It was nearing sunrise, but this photo shoot called for such an early hour. I could only hope that Hermione was awake.

I thought a lot while I drifted off to sleep this morning. Even though I only got about three hours of sleep, that was fine. I wanted to see the look on Hermione's beautiful face, tired or not, when I show her what I have in my hand behind my back. I even chuckled to myself when I thought to how I know for sure now that Hermione likes my messy hair; she was staring at it last night. She should appreciate that I wore this same outfit as last night to impress her today.

And I still couldn't get over how my chest swelled with pride and amazement when she finally _did _open her door…

My breaths jumbled in my throat for a moment before I remembered to take her soft hand in my free hand and get down on one knee. I closed my eyes and bent my head down while I kissed her hand, still smiling like an idiot while I let out a low, throaty sound of approval for her trademark Chanel scent washing through my senses. When I opened my eyes, I swear I felt my pupils widen; she doesn't show off those endless, smooth, tanned, _wonderful _legs of hers enough…

While I slowly craned my eyesight to meet hers, I took in how her astounding patent black leather 'come hither' boots fit her feet, stopping at her ankle. The heel was four inches high, and very thin, but I know she can walk in them. And I felt my smile widen while I looked back up her legs, all the way to her knees that were covered by her _very _fitting dark denim shorts. I licked my lips at the way she had one leg erect and one knee bent. Her black leather belt made my cheeks hurt now; the belt buckle was a large metal circle. Oh, and her _shirt. _GOD, her shirt that was stuck down her belt was black, made of an almost see-through material just under her black and white motorcycle jacket. Her hair was dark, wavy, shiny…familiar large, white leather Prada purse…flawless chocolate brown eye shadow…and silver hoop earrings in between a beautiful, hard face? Mmm…

Someone's dressed to kill…

"Good morning, Hermione."

I bit my lip and the muscles in my face felt like they were on fire, but it was alright; she actually looked a little dumbfounded that I finally, finally pronounced her name correctly after all these years. I took my hand from behind my back and kept smiling up at her; her façade cracked a little more when her stunning eyes took in the sight of the black diamond necklace dangling from my hand, with a chocolate brown tinted diamond pendant to match her ring. It took some haggling to get my associates from Tiffany's up this early to sell it to me, but I managed to get it for her.

"I'm sorry, Hermione. I'll make it up to you every day for the rest of our lives... But for now, will you take this and wear it for me?"

She nodded and mumbled a thank you before I beamed and kissed her hand again before I stood up. It's funny; even in heels, she's still a little shorter than me. She looked very suspicious of me, but that was fine; I know I was grinning too much to have been so reticent last night.

Just as she turned around and moved her hair for me, I took the opportunity to bring her close to me and close her door before glossing kisses all the way down her neck and as far down her back as I could reach while I put her necklace on. A very sinister part of me was laughing loudly in my head when I felt her jerk slightly from her knees bucking…

As much as I wanted to let my lips relax all over her soft, Chanel-scented skin, I finished with her necklace and bit back a laugh when I realized she'd let go of her hair out of surprise. I moved my smile down to her ear while I realized how much more warm she suddenly was while she tried to busy herself with locking her door to whisper in her ear.

"You're the rhythm in my song…you're the switch that _turns me on… _You're the only place I belong or want to be…"

I moaned a little and kissed her burning ear before slipping a few _notes _in her purse. I closed my eyes to lick my lips and stepped away from her a little, enjoying the vestige of Hermione still lingering there. When I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, she was staring up at me with a slight scowl. Her cheeks were still quite red, though. I let my face relax while I held her hand in mine and led her down to the parking structure.

Baby steps…

* * *

I made up my mind to simply let her observe me all day while I opened the passenger's door to my car to let her in, and her hand was still in my free one. She looked at me with hard eyes before she sat down. I gave her a curt nod and a smile before I let go of her hand, purposely glossing my thumb across her skin as I did before I closed her door. I know she deserves to be mad at me, and my oddly happy demeanor is probably surprising to her, but at least she's letting me _try _to make it up to her.

The sun still wasn't up while I drove out of the dark building, trying to remember which freeway to take to get to that beach. 8 West to 5 North all the way to La Jolla…that's right. A photo shoot in a two piece first thing in the morning by the cold water wasn't appealing to me at all, but I was hoping it wouldn't be that cold. San Diego is a generally warm city, and I appreciate that.

But while I was getting on the freeway, I realized how very nervous I was. I've been nervous ever since I woke up, actually, but now it was really starting to get to me. Even my hand on the gear in between Hermione and I was shaking a little, and I fear that she noticed… Err…maybe music will help.

My hand fumbled with my iPod on the charging station for a moment before I settled on the playlist I made some hours ago but completely forgot about. I went back to gripping the gear while my hand on the steering wheel also tensed up. I promised myself that I'd explain everything to her on a special occasion later tonight.

Besides, she was probably still too mad to talk to me about anything right now...

_My skin is like a map  
of where my heart has been.  
And I can't hide the marks;  
but it's not a negative thing._

_So I let down my guard,  
drop my defenses,  
down by my clothes…_

_I'm learning to fall  
with no safety net  
to cushion the blow…_

Funny…when I picked this song out, I really wasn't thinking about the lyrics. I just like the song. But now that I'm thinking about it, I think she's singing about me.

After all this time, I've just been going in to more and more recessions, refusing to believe reality. I'm still stuck in my days when Hermione was always around, when she could seemingly read my mind, and when everything was just…normal. She hasn't gotten worse at the mind-reading thing; I think she's just been too afraid to speak her mind about me being gone for long periods of time.

But now that I've gone and pushed the last of her buttons, she's fed up. _Now _she's speaking her mind, only after I do something completely and utterly…ridiculous…

_I…bruise…easily  
so be gentle  
when you handle me…  
There's a mark you leave  
like a love heart  
carved on a tree_

_I bruise easily  
can't scratch the surface  
without moving me  
underneath  
I bruise easily…  
I bruise easily…_

That wasn't the first time Hermione's used force to get her point across. Abuse aside, I remember twice before last night that she shook me up, even though she probably didn't want to do that. She does bruise me, not just with her hands, but with her words.

It's like I only learn my lesson for as long as the bruise stays, and then I move on and make a similar mistake that got me bruised in the first place. I'm sensitive and insufferable from how _weak _I am sometimes. I know I don't mind that Hermione's aware of this; she's probably the only one who is.

And does she spite me for it? Not entirely if she's still willing to put up with me, no…

_I've found your fingerprints  
on a glass of wine  
Do you know you're leaving them  
all over this heart of mine, too?_

_But if I never take  
this leap of faith  
I'll never know…  
So I'm learning to fall  
with no safety net  
to cushion the blow_

Hermione has left her fingerprints on my heart…just like the ones all over our house that I haven't been able to escape or ignore or banish away after all these years. I don't mind that she's left her unique mark on me, or that she does go beyond her comfort zone a lot with me. In fact, if she hadn't done such a wonderful job of leaving herself on me, I probably would have moved on long ago…

I did know that this was going to happen, and yet I still have my moments of relapse and I don't know what the hell to do with myself. Hermione can get rid of my defenses as easily as if I was to think of her _name, _and there I go. But I think before today, I wasn't aware of what I was doing to her. I trust her, though…so why should I ever act the way I did?

_Anyone who  
can touch you  
can hurt you  
or heal you_

_Anyone who  
can reach you  
can love you  
or leave you…_

_So be gentle…_

She's done all of that…but she's only wanted to heal me and reach me and touch me and _love _me at the end of it all. I _am_ too sensitive… I'm an idiot at the same time, though. The way I treated her just now is how she deserves to _always _be treated…not just to make up with her. She knows I meant well when I was romantic and being her gentleman, and she knows I love her.

I guess…I needed that final blow to the head to realize that I _do _bruise easily, and that includes masochism. I've been hurting myself, thinking that I'm not what she needs anymore. I am still stuck in the void where I was for so many years; alone. No… I _was _stuck there. I need to stop this. I need to… And my hand on the gear needs to stop shaking. My chin, too…

But I think the real bruise I suffered was from Hermione not putting her hand over mine like I'd been subconsciously wishing for her to do…

* * *

And here I am again, under the light of her scowl some ten feet away with the sunrise just barely peeking over the horizon in front of me. Even with all of the other people behind her, they all fade into nothingness compared to her. The waves behind me are probably my only distraction while I lay here in this two piece. I don't know why the hell they're making me do these summer-type shots in October, but whatever.

I'm _trying _not to look at Hermione because I'm still very nervous… The photographer obviously doesn't seem to notice; he's absolutely thrilled at how I'm doing, posing and trying not to let my gaze flicker to the Queen on her throne nearby…

I feel my hands shaking, and not because of the cold. My heart is hammering wildly in my chest, and my stomach is simmering with nerves, but it can't be helped.

And just when I thought I couldn't get any worse, he requests something of me.

"Wonderful, Fleur! Absolutely stunning so far. Now, keep your gaze focused on one thing to the side. I want to see how that approach will go. And don't change your mind once you've seen something! First thing that catches your eye – stare at it and don't move your eyes elsewhere!"

Well if it isn't blaringly obvious, I'll just get it over with and tell you that my eyes automatically darted to Hermione. She was still looking right at me without an ounce of understanding in her eyes… Her arms and legs were crossed, and I barely heard Evan tell me that the look on my face right now is perfect. How did my face feel…? Hardened with a loving shock at how mesmerizing she is…

I got on my back and felt my chest heaving while I arched my waist off the ground, tangling my sandy fingers in my hair. The shocks of arousal she was sending through me from her stare made me do it. The dull ache I felt all over made everything seem like it was going in slow motion. My blinks were slow, my movements were deliberate, not sluggish, and I almost felt like I was letting someone fondle me from how horrible I still felt even though her eyes were supposed to be a safe haven for me.

Because she wasn't the one I was bringing my chest up to with my head hanging back, I felt almost sick. The smell of the saltwater helped me, but I was still nervous. Not even bringing my shoulder closest to her up to my face while I got on all fours made things any better. Now I was just downright teasing her from a distance, and I could barely see a blush graze her serious visage. Everything and everyone else stopped…

I don't know what was going on in my head while I started crawling towards her like the sorry fool I am for hurting her. I kept thinking of that song we danced to so many years ago, though… _I'd crawl to you, baby, and I'd fall at your feet…_

And I think that's what I was doing… I was crawling to her. Evan was ecstatic and kept shooting away; he reminded me so much of Squall. I told everyone that Hermione is my wife when I brought her on the set, and they were bubbly and bouncy about having her as close to me as possible at all times. And now that I'm watching the red wine settle more and more in her face and become more and more apparent the closer I get to her… I just don't know what to do.

My breaths were just as shallow as the water washing over the shore in my wake while I kept crawling to her. My brow was furrowed while I willed myself to keep pressing my palms in this sand, to keep lifting my knees and getting me closer still to my Queen, still sitting so perfectly on her throne. She relaxed her arms and legs, so that it _really _looked like she was the typical image of one sitting on a throne, jewels and all…

And as I neared her feet, she kept looking down at me, the red in her face never subsiding, but the dark resolve swimming in her eyes never left her. She's really trying her best to be angry at me, hm? I can feel the fire in her eyes erupt inside of me now that I'm right here, directly under her gaze. And god_damn _she still knows how to tease me and please me so much by just _looking _at me.

I got on my back again and kept looking up at her, and I ran my hands down my body starting from my neck while I arched my hips up again. I even shifted my weight higher and higher on my head while I settled my hands on my breasts, but I didn't dare smile at her.

I thought back to that night nearly seven months ago while I looked up at her, pretending that her body was behind me while I let one hand stay on my breast and made the other travel down in between my legs. Evan made some indiscernible squeal and kept taking picture after picture, and I even got Hermione to blush more while everyone else on the set murmured excitedly. But I didn't care about them; I cared about making my breaths shallow and loud enough for her to hear. I cared about making my voice soft, but not too soft for her to be unable to hear.

Even if she is pissed, this is quite the edgy relationship we have…

"Hermione… I know I should have taken you with me to begin with. I wanted to have you to myself after all that time… You are _so _much better than nothing and I knew it…but I chose to be selfish and went alone anyway. But you know I'm sorry…even though I did use the distance to run away from you… I love you, you still know how to handle me, and I want you… I _know _you want me, too…"

No one and nothing else mattered; just Hermione. Just the way she was looking at me, trying so hard to keep her serious expression. I mirrored hers, feeling absolutely and com_pletely _ruled by the way she was making me feel right now.

The sensations, the feelings, the stimulation, the excitement she was giving me was too much. I didn't care about _where _we were, just so much _how _we were; Hermione was angry and I needed to do everything in my power and far beyond it to show her that she is still my Queen. I need to do everything I can and _shouldn't _do to prove to her that I am essentially her bitch. I live solely to please her…

Even if it means pleasing myself a little in the process, that's just what I have to do…

My hand in between my legs moved to my stomach to press against my abs while I let myself lay completely on the sand, only bending my knees while I bit my lip. My fingers slipped right down, _underneath _the fabric. And Hermione's jaw slipped right down to go along with it. Mmm… Quite the sight.

"You're worth everything to me… You've branded your love on me, too; your soul, your trust, your devotion, your fingerprints, your scent…"

I let my waist rock up and down for her, I moved my shoulders, craned my neck, shifted my head up and down, moved my knees, but I never dared moved my eyes from her. She was all I could focus on; Hermione was all that existed in the world except for me. I didn't care about anything else; for all I know, I'd destroyed it so that nothing could keep us apart right now…

The breeze felt nice in between my legs, and so did my hand, but nothing was more satisfying than watching her hold back her emotions from her face but seeing them all so clearly in her dark, lustful eyes. I know her ears were pleased to hear me speak so softly to her in between my moans… I know _she _was.

"Please, Hermione… Please forgive me. I'm afraid of myself… I wanted to _die _all of these years without you… I hate myself for what I did to you after all these months… you _know _I hate myself… Let me soothe you tonight… Let me make you shine and glow and _incinerate _with passion, arousal, lust love life… You are, you are, you _are _my only one… There's just no one who gets me like _you _do… I'll be your bitch to make it all up to you and do whatever I can to make you blush no matter where we are…that's a promise."

Mmm…I got an eyebrow raise out of that. Good enough for now…

_For now…_


	84. Lips of Red, White, and Blue

Still October 15th

_**LXXXVII. **__Lips of Red, White, and Blue_

_(Fleur's POV)_

It was around five in the afternoon when I decided to take Hermione to a spot in Mission Valley over the San Diego River to watch the sunset. We were sitting on the edge of the sidewalk with our legs dangling above the water; the river stretched on for miles ahead and a long distance underneath the street behind us. There was an amazing amount of greenery at either side of the river, and not many cars passed on the street here. I was oblivious to all except for the sunset and one person, regardless…

I was holding her hand, but it didn't feel like she was holding mine. Not really. Yes…it did hurt, but I wasn't expecting her to loosen up after just one day. Even after I took her to a spa for her to relax, shine her hair some more, a manicure and pedicure, eyebrows done, a massage, and a sauna, she's still very silent.

The diamond on her chest was glinting nicely in the light of the sunset, and so was she, but I know she was still hurting. I moved my gaze to her face while I caressed her hand in my lap with my thumb; she was giving the horizon a thousand mile stare with a scowl for reasons I could only imagine.

She did watch me work all day. From location to location, she always sat in her throne and observed me. I keep getting the feeling that _we're _being watched, even now, but I tried to shake it off. There are usually paparazzi after me, but ever since Hermione's birthday they've left me alone.

I feel like I should say something to her. She's so stunning like this…sitting right next to me with all of her beauty like a Goddess. My heart is buzzing with warmth and it's hard to keep my eyelids open a reasonable amount, and I think this is the fiftieth time I've sighed lovingly while staring at her, but oh well…

"I'm going to keep apologizing for as long as you want me to, you know that right? I know I should always act like this with you. I know I should always shower you with adoration, because you _are _everything to me. It's just been so long…"

No response… I really feel like an idiot for doing this to her, and I ought to stop making excuses. I need to find the will to tell her everything that's been on my mind. I know I keep saving it for tonight, but it feels like I'm biding my time and she might not want to even hear what I have to say by then… I don't know.

It's strange…usually, she would be crying or at least trying to express her anger in some way. But the most she's said to me is thank you for the things I've been doing, _should have been doing _all along.

Well…if it's any consolation, that was the second birthday in a row that I've fucked up for her.

"How about I take you to the mall in Fashion Valley to go shopping? A new evening wardrobe for you would be excellent, don't you think?"

I caught myself to fix my obsessive stare before she turned her head to regard me with a very subtle scrutiny. I observed her sunset-lit face with a stern gaze, to tell her that I wasn't intimidated by her. A very small part of me was, but I do appreciate that she doesn't let anyone step all over her. Well, she did kind of let me do it for a while…but that was only because she still felt guilty about everything.

While she was still busy trying to break my expression, I moved my eyes down to her lips. They were a little more…full than usual. Especially right now. Was she asking me to kiss her…? I don't…know… What if I lean in and she doesn't reciprocate…?

Wait, no…don't worry about that. I have an idea…

I prayed that I wouldn't have to use that while I felt my breath hitch quietly before I moved my lips to hers while I let go of her hand. My heart and temples were pulsing so loudly because it felt like I was trying to move in for our first kiss ever. Now that I think about it, there have been a handful of times between us that felt like we started all over again with each other… and this was no exception.

But while I got _so _close to her lips, she moved her head to the side, away from the river, but out of the corner or my eye, it seemed like she was looking at something behind me. Still, my mind clicked to my over-dramatic last resort plan to at least get a reaction out of her; I made myself fall in the river head first with a huge splash, grinning like a doofus the whole time!

For the small time I spent underwater, I watched her just above and she was on her feet, looking down at the water with so much fear that I wanted to laugh! Ohhh I got her good. If I didn't notice her looking at something far off before, I would have been hurt even more that she moved away from the kiss. But I heard voices while I poked my head above the water.

There were two people standing right by Hermione, and she still looked absolutely mortified. I wasn't sure whether to smile at her or not. But those people; one was a woman, the other was a man. The woman was a little taller than Hermione, very pale, silvery-blue hair, and she wore something of a military uniform dress. She looked very irritable and intimidating next to the dark-skinned buff man, though.

"IMBECILE."

"Sorry, Fu! I didn't know she was gonna do that ya know?"

"EXCUSES. ASSIST VEELA."

"I can help myself, thank you," I spat to the woman. "And there's no need to yell—"

"NOT YELLING."

"She can't help talking like that, ya know?"

"No, I _don't _know! And how the hell do you know I'm part Veela?"

"CONCERN, NOT YOURS."

"Uhm, right…" I grumbled while I moved to the surface and heaved myself up.

Fu or whatever her name is kicked the man in the shins, and he hobbled around on one foot in pain while I looked in my pockets for my wand. Quite the lively couple they are…

The way Hermione was gaping at me made me stop to regard her; she was blushing so much that I feared she'd pass out. Well…I _was _dripping from head to toe in water in the light of the sunset, and my shirt was white and very tight to begin with. A part of me was wondering wickedly how she'd react if I wasn't wearing a bra.

I'll have to keep that in mind for some other time.

After I dried myself off, I watched Fu look at the man scornfully while she gripped her wand in her hand. These people obviously know us somehow.

"Who…are you, exactly? Fu, and—"

"FUJIN. BROTHER RAIJIN."

"Brother, hm?"

"AFFIRMATIVE."

I blanched when Fujin actually bowed courteously to me. She sounded like an out of breath drill sergeant or something, and I'm guessing she and her brother were militaristic by how ripped they were. But I think my feelings about Hermione and I being followed weren't far off.

"So do you mind explaining why you were watching us? I doubt you were here to watch the romantic sunset together…"

"CONCERN, NOT YOURS."

"I think it is my concern; I have the right to wonder about strangers who _know _me, watching my wife and I do nothing but spend time together."

"NOSY VEELA."

"Excuse me? And why do you keep referring to me as 'Veela'—"

"NOSY FLEUR."

"Okay, now you know my name…and yet you can't even tell me why you're stalking us?"

"NO REASON."

"So I could have you arrested."

"NEGATIVE."

"…whatever. Just drop the secretive act and leave us alone, unless you're willing to explain exactly what it is you're doing. I can and will have you taken care of."

"IS FUTILE."

"What?"

"SAFETY."

"Safety?"

"YOU, WIFE."

"You're protecting us?"

"AFFIRMATIVE."

"From what?"

"DANGER."

"Well fucking obviously… Ugh. Whatever! Let's go Hermione."

I looked around to make sure no one else was around before I took Hermione by the hand and disapparated us back to the area where I parked. Whatever those weirdoes were on about flew out of my head and free from my concern while I opened the door for her. She stopped for a long while to look at me before she got in.

So I guess I did manage to get her to worry about me?

"I'm fine, I promise. But the look on your face was quite priceless now that I think about it."

The grin on my face was slapped off the second she huffed and got inside. I closed her door and kicked myself inwardly; great job, Fleur…

I need to work on my tact…

* * *

After an awkward car ride, I took her into Neiman Marcus to find a nice evening dress. The interior was wide, white, and lit with a golden glow. Women were walking around, discreetly eyeing other women dangerously while they went about their shopping. Oh the life of high fashion…

I led Hermione by the hand over to the types of little black dresses I knew she loves. I chanced a glance down at her once we arrived, and I saw her eyes light up for a split second. A small smile lifted my lips while I purposely led her to the most expensive ones. _I _knew they were expensive, but I was hoping she wouldn't get modest on me by trying to peek at the price tags.

"I see you've already taken a liking to the Versace one, hm?"

She nodded and observed it some more, but I saw her eyes dart to the one right next to it – a Michael Kors Shantung dress. These two alone were most likely to be very pricey, but money was never an issue for me. Hermione deserves the best no matter what.

A clerk came over shortly and noticed that Hermione was obviously debating between the two. He looked at our hands, then back to me and smiled knowingly. I beamed right back while he spoke quietly to me.

"Your wife, I presume?"

"Yes, you presumed correctly."

"What's the occasion?"

"A night out, to make up."

"Ah, I see, I see. Well, both of these dresses were handmade in Italy. I can assure you they're of the finest quality. Versace and Michael Kors are both astounding, as I'm sure you know."

"Of course. Hermione? Have you decided, or would you like to look around some more?"

Her eyes kept moving back and forth between the two, and I felt my smile broaden.

"Sir, which one is the more expensive?"

"The Michael Kors is $2195 while the Versace is only $1020. Either one would do, really. They're both fabulous!"

"Mmm…"

Hermione looked rather pale from hearing the prices, and I almost felt her hover away from me before I spoke up with a very large grin on my face.

"We'll take them both."

I smiled down at her when all she did was look up at me with a sharp edge of shock to her features. The clerk bounced excitedly at having made a sale, and then happily suggested we find shoes, jewelry, and other accessories for my dear wife. I obliged, and Hermione went along without a word.

I know she appreciates it, and that's what matters.

* * *

My nerves decided not to settle down at all while I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror in my suite. Hermione was getting ready in hers, and she _still _hasn't said more than thank you to me all day. I felt like it was our wedding day all over again while I started brushing my teeth; sure enough, I kept dropping the damned toothbrush… But at least I wasn't hyperventilating.

It's been so long since I've had her on my arm, grinning like the idiotic husband I am. Even now, I feel my mouth curling up, my stomach and heart warm up, and it feels like a sauna in here regardless if I just took a shower now or not.

After I finished with my hygiene, I went to my bed where I laid out my suit. Regardless of which dress she picks to wear, my suit will match; very dark grey with a shiny, smooth, equally dark grey collar. My dress shirt felt just like the collar, and that and my tie were chocolate brown, of course. I'm _obviously _obsessed with this color… But my shoes were just normal black men's dress shoes; nothing fancy.

Putting my clothes on was simple enough, despite my nerves. It's been a very long time since I've worn a suit. Not since our wedding day, really…

I think I was nervous because, well, obviously she's mad at me. That, and I really am aiming to show her that I haven't changed over the years as far as my love for her is concerned. If anything, I love her that much more. I keep telling myself that I'm going to explain everything to her tonight. Regardless if she has anything to say, I need to get everything off my chest.

I smoothed down my collar while I stared at myself in the mirror, fully clothed now. My hair, though…it's still a sexy mess. I ran a hand through it out of anxiety while I retrieved my wand with my other hand. I _really_ want to impress her tonight. Because of the situation, I know I'm going to be tempted to hide behind my hair… I sighed and flicked my wand; my hair was shimmering again, now in a very tight ponytail that started on the very back of my head; not too far down and not too high. Perfect. I had on just enough mascara and a subtle gold eye shadow to pull of the 'glowing' look for her.

But Goddamnit I was still such a nervous wreck…

I groaned and hugged myself around the waist before I got tired of doing that and smoothed my hands up to my tuxedo collar. I yanked on it a little to loosen it up and kept my hands there, trying to keep away from the temptation to bury my face in my hands for how stupid I felt… It was just a date with my wife. No matter how many times I turn my head to the side and lick my lips, I'm going to feel idiotic.

A part of me almost wanted to cry. I still feel bad about everything. I wonder if she's turned off by all of this… Of course she would just want a simple night in. The only reaction I managed to get out of her today was from me throwing myself in the river. But then I went and screwed that up with my comment anyway… But she's still willing to listen to what I have to say. She's still giving me a chance. I think she's just trying very hard to grind in my head that she's very serious about everything she told me last night.

I need to show her that I respect her, first and foremost. This isn't just to impress her for the hell of it so I can get make-up sex the same night and possibly make her feel like a fool.

* * *

Anxiety was swarming me more than ever while I knocked on her door. I forced myself to keep my hands clasped behind my back while I waited a few short moments for her to open the door. I know I should have brought her flowers or something, but everyone does that. If I'm going to get her flowers, I need to go all out like I did last year.

I swallowed and pulled at my fingers while I almost felt dizzy from the pressure I was under. I tried to remind myself over and over that I need to keep an air of grace about myself tonight; I don't want her to think I'm a wreck right now, even though I am. My face was patient, but my insides were dying for the relief that she's not angry anymore. I wasn't expecting it any time soon, because I know how stubborn she is, but that doesn't mean I can't try to tell her that I'm deeply sorry.

The world of romance we're in is so blissful and painful at the same time. Just imagining my reaction to her, and her reaction to me once she opens this door sent me on a high and yanked me right back down with a crash at the same time. I could picture it so clearly; time will honestly stop once we finally see each other.

And it did…it did…

My heart warming me up from how fast it was beating was substitute enough for my lungs not being able to work at the moment. I think I was staring at her with a bit of childish fear by my expression, and how my eyebrows felt and how my eyes felt on hers, but I felt my mind roam the rest of her svelte body.

Hermione decided to go with the Michael Kors dress; it was as dark and glossy as my tuxedo collar, had an off-the-shoulder neckline that was very deep, and it showed off her natural waist so, so perfectly. It was a pencil skirt that ended just above the knee, made of silk and wool. It was worth the $2195, let me tell you…

Her necklace matched her eyes and earrings and bangles so perfectly. Her black heels were simple and elegant at the same time. She was still shorter than me, and I had to hold back a smile. She wasn't smiling either; she was in a quiet, stern awe of me and her eyes in between her perfect mascara and eye shadow never left mine. Her hair…so sleek with wide curls in just the right places, dark enough to match everything so flawlessly, and her eyebrows were absolutely perfect too. And I could even smell her wonderful perfume from this bit of distance between us. Just…wow…

But I knew I had to stop staring _eventually…_

I bent down this time to take her hand that wasn't holding her tiny black Gucci purse. I stopped for a moment and looked her right in the eye while I kissed her smooth skin, and I let my lips linger for a long moment to regard her carefully.

The tension between us was very uneven and yet still so romantically…uncomfortable. It was like a first date. Like a first glimpse at the woman I always knew she could be, dressed like this…

It was like I never knew the meaning of beauty before I laid eyes on her and could only realize that she was here, and my heart was gone, far, far away from racing so much.

"You look beautiful as always, Hermione… I promise I'll show you a good time tonight."

She nodded and let her face relax a bit when I led her hand back down to her side and reluctantly let it go so she could lock her door. I stood up straight and just now realized how red her face was now while she turned to lock up. My eyes were watering from not breathing, and I took a deep breath while I fanned my face; though it was a little awkward to feel like this, I could never tire of it.

I swallowed when she turned to face me, and I had to kick myself before I could remember to offer her my arm instead of taking her hand. She took it and I led her down to the parking structure a second time that day, trying to keep my head held high even though I wanted to _scream _from the strain I was under.

But I couldn't help but wonder who was hurting more…Hermione or me…

* * *

I made reservations for us at Bertrand at Mister A's in Downtown San Diego on Fifth Avenue. The restaurant was atop a skyscraper with a roof overhead, but I chose to have us sit outside away from most others. The waiter who led us to our seats was sharp enough to let me pull out Hermione's seat for her to sit, and I still felt proud of myself even though my eyes were watering from lack of oxygen again and I felt very warm. The weather here is excellent, and I wasn't worried about Hermione getting cold at all.

It was only after the waiter came back with our Cabernet Sauvignon Grand Crus, my favorite red wine from Bordeaux, and let us order our meals did I start to feel insanely nervous. The prices here were quite ostentatious, but that wasn't my problem. I do appreciate the American cuisine and fine line of wines, and I'm sure Hermione did as well. There was something else I had scheduled for her tonight that I could only pray she'd take to heart…

The sky around us was a very deep violet from the sunset just now giving way to nighttime soon. Our table let us see all of the city lights and buildings just nearby with ease. Even the Pacific Ocean was not too far away. The inside of the building was extraordinary too; a circular ceiling with a band of lights that went all around, along with one brighter center light. I was used to these types of establishments, and I did make a point to take Hermione out like this a lot when we were engaged.

I stopped taking in my surroundings the second I let my eyes stray back to her and realize that she'd been watching me the whole time. I realize that I was blushing for most of said time, and she was right now. Just a little.

It was at this time that I realized that I had absolutely nothing to say. Nothing at all. Nothing…

Everything I've been mentally preparing all day was gone. I was so optimistic that I wouldn't be so clumsy as to choke up when the time came for me to act; to show off my confidence, brilliant mind and talented tongue… I want to tell her how sorry I am, but here I am, sitting passively and yet staring at her so openly. The haze of nerves and frustration I felt coming from me holding my breath in occasionally kept sending stings to my eyes and I wanted nothing more than for it all to stop. _Why _is she so intimidating even though she isn't scowling right now?

Why am I so afraid of her?

It wasn't long before the waiter came back with our meals; tempura style lobster tails for Hermione and a Mediterranean style paella for me. I sipped my wine out of nerves while I tried to look at the waiter for some ounce of support, and I noticed he'd written something for me on his notepad.

_Would you like me to leave you alone for the evening?_

I nodded and swallowed air, not wine, and he nodded curtly to me before bowing to Hermione and taking his leave. That was perceptive of him…

I knew myself too well when I made the decision to put my hair up, but I gave myself away anyway and ran a hand over my head before I resigned myself to start eating. Oh, what was I thinking, pretending all day that I would have something to say right now? But Hermione means so much to me…how can I just sit here and say nothing when she obviously deserves to hear everything I have to say and don't have to say and—

"You're nervous, aren't you?"

I was about to say no, but I dropped my fork on my plate when I took two seconds to realize that she had said something to me. My no was an automatic reaction before I realized anything was going on. How backwards is that…

But who the hell am I kidding…? I can't lie to her…

"That obvious, hm?"

"I know you."

"Hermione, I… I honestly don't know what to say. I haven't been this nervous ever since I took you out for your birthday last year…and we know how that turned out."

"Don't worry about last year. Those were different circumstances. But… I never did tell you how much I appreciate this. All of this. And your…accent. It took a lot for me to try and hide my surprise when you said my name this morning. And even now…my heart still skips a beat whenever you do say it."

I know I was blushing profusely at this point…as was she. We both looked away from each other at the same time and tried to focus on our meals. I was conscious of everything now…the way I held my utensils, the way I set them down, the way I ate and the way I had to make sure to lightly scrape my teeth against my fork when I guided it out of my mouth. I even willed myself to look her in the eye now, despite how ridiculous I felt.

So she isn't insanely angry at me…that's a relief. But at the same time, it's not; she's been trying to hold back her emotions all day on purpose. But at least she appreciates everything like I assured myself. And she appreciates that I can finally pronounce her name correctly, above all else…

Okay, so maybe this won't be so hard after all… Just say something, Fleur. I heard something go off in the far distance behind me, and her eyes widened, but that's not important. I don't know why everyone inside was in awe and looking in that direction too, but they didn't matter.

_Say _something… Now!

"You know…" Oh, real smooth, _real _smooth… "I still don't know what to say. All I seem to be able to do is…sit here under the…the light of your luminescence and modesty like the hopeless fool I am… Regardless if I feel like there's a symphony playing in my heart from being here with you, it's playing too loudly, too lovingly… I can't think."

"Fleur…"

"No, Hermione…let me try to speak. I just… You mean so much to me. I almost want to cry right now because of how beautiful you are, how sincere you are, and how much I love you. I am a fool to have forsaken you, and I'm so, _so _sorry…"

I raised an eyebrow when Hermione looked at me softly, then she went right back to looking at what everyone else was looking at. I clenched my jaw and turned my head until I realized that _I _had this arranged… I completely forgot about it.

A message in the night sky for all of the city to see, spelled out with fireworks in the form of stars –

_I'm sorry, Hermione Delacour. I never meant to hurt you, I promise. Please forgive me…_

_-Mr. Delacour._

I barely noticed those in our general proximity were looking at us; they heard me say Hermione's name. They were obviously whispering this fact to everyone else in the restaurant while I nervously made my eyes tread back to bask in hers. It took me a very long time to realize that she was smiling at me with tears in her eyes, and an even longer time for me to realize that some people were murmuring obvious cheers of _kiss her now…_

If I thought I was nervous before, I must have been dead wrong… But…oh, what the hell…

I tried to smile a little, but it kept slipping away from my face. It was like trying to hold water in my hands… I was trying to tell myself to _not _feel nervous or conscious or full of fear while I stood up. The small amount of steps that I had to get to her were murderous, but I tried to keep my blaring air of confidence anyway. I guess _now _was the time to show off my talented tongue, hm?

Getting to her was actually somewhat easy; standing right before her and making myself get down on one knee was even harder. Looking up at her was so difficult, but I didn't want to do anything else right now. I felt this insatiable need to make her feel better, because this _was _a big deal. It all was… _She _is… But just as I tried to bring my trembling hands to her gorgeous face that was so full of emotion, she threw her arms around my neck and sped up the clash of our lips for me…

Even though she caught me off guard, and I felt a few tears in between us, and not just hers, I smiled my first genuine, _genuine _smile in a very long time while I let everyone's polite clapping ring in my ears. I haven't kissed her like _this _in months; last night I was too frightened to react. But hearing her laugh a little in between familiarizing myself once more with the feel of her lips was just…heavenly. I felt myself laugh too before she let me deepen the kiss for one long, long blissful moment before we pulled away at the same time. My heart was on fire and I probably looked like a satisfied child by the way my mouth was open and my eyebrows were raised like this, just looking up at her with her arms still around my neck.

I nearly bit my tongue off while I held back a comment that I should make her angry more often, and instead stood up while I kissed her hand. I was still horribly nervous while I went back to my seat, but I made up my mind that I'd try to keep things light for now. I didn't want to weigh down the mood with my sappy confessions.

Besides, I haven't seen her smile this much in such a long time…I wanted to savor this moment, this meal, the talk of our lovely scenery…all of it.

But above all, I wanted to savor the feel of her lips on mine. I kept licking them every ten seconds, and she noticed. Ohh yes; Hermione noticed…

_When do I not notice things, love?_


	85. Libido

November 17th; Home.

_**LXXXVIII. **__Libido_

_(Hermione's POV)_

Fleur and I have been back for about three weeks, and she's still been busy with work like she told me she would be. I have been as well since I've had to get things organized for our time in New York next month. I've asked her to take the company back, but she insists that I keep it…

Chanel was sharp enough to sneak back here and put everything back in its place. I'd nearly forgotten that the entire room was in her dorm for a while. I wrote to her after I left Fleur's room the first night I went to go see her, and she seemed relieved that I wasn't hysterical anymore. But even in her writing, she seemed oddly giggly about something. Oh well. But _I _was very giggly about something I found while I was looking around just now…

So now I'm sitting on our bed alone, eating a vanilla ice cream cone, watching _nothing in particular _on TV. I sat with my legs crossed, covered in the new black satin sheets I bought just for tonight, because I'm starting to realize something. The sun went down just now, and I didn't bother turning on the lights.

The scented candles everywhere were enough.

I took my time, licking the very top of the ice cream, wary of eating it all before Fleur gets home. She promised to be back by six thirty, and it's six seventeen right now. While I kept watching _nothing in particular _on TV, my mind kept throbbing with the sweet recollection of how things have been ever since last month. The notes she's been leaving in my purses were so romantic. The first one she left has been stuck in my mind, always putting a smile on my face whenever I think about it. But now, I was focusing too hard on something else to smile.

_Can this be true? Tell me – can this be real? How can I put into words what I feel? My life was complete; I thought I was whole. Why do I feel like I'm losing control? Never thought that love could feel like this… Then you changed my world with just one kiss. How can it be that right here with me there's an angel? It's a miracle…_

_Your love is like a river – peaceful and deep. Your soul is like a secret that I never could keep. When I look into your eyes I know that it's true – God must have spent…a little more time on you._

_In all of creation all things great and small; you are the one that surpasses them all. More precious than any diamond or pearl; they broke them old when you came in this world. And I'm trying hard to figure out just how I ever did without the warmth of your smile; the heart of a child that's deep inside. It leaves me purified…_

_I'm sorry, love…_

My entire body was prickling with a very, _very _dangerous drive right now. Thinking about all that she's been doing for me – spoiling me to death, bathing me in our bath with flower petals on the surface of the water every morning before work, always coming home with a different gift every night, calling me at the exact same minute every afternoon during work just to say hi, apparating in my office spontaneously to kiss me senseless then giggle before disapparating, staying up late to cook my lunches and dinners…it makes me feel so guilty. But at the same time, it makes me feel so…empowered.

Fleur _really _is my bitch. The conversation we finally had about everything that's been bothering her over the years is yet another reminder that she will always, always love me…

It was the first thing we did when we got back that night; I laid down and she held me tight while she kept her head on my chest. I listened patiently to everything she said, all the while feeling more and more grateful that her love for me never wavered after all these years.

"_I know I've been so insecure about everything… Really, I've been insecure from day one. I know it's very unattractive of me to be always doubting things; doubting us, most especially. I suppose it's because right when we were the happiest we've ever been, that's when things spun out of control so unexpectedly. I didn't know how to cope. _

"_All these years…I've been so angry at the world. Angry that I couldn't save you, angry that my love that I worked so hard to trust was suddenly unrequited, and I was angry that there was nothing I could do about it. I had to wait and wait and wait some more for you to be free from the chains that bound you before I could even think of showing my face to you again. And from how much I love you…it killed me that we had to stay apart for so long. _

"_I think the worst part about all of that, besides you not being with me, was how I inadvertently affected Chanel with my ever sour moods. Ever since you left, I haven't seen her smile or laugh or anything. Not with me. I feel like it's my fault that she was so angry for such a long time…but then you swooped in and helped her in as little as two months. I get the feeling that she hates me. I don't know. I should talk to her about it, but I could just be imagining things._

"_But regardless of anything, I want you to know that I never took you for granted. We both knew that this would happen, and now that it's passed, we should just move on. Even just laying here with you…it makes me realize that even I don't know how much I love you. It should be very fun to find out, don't you think…?"_

What have I done this whole time? I feel like I don't _do _anything. Fleur always laughs whenever I honestly tell her some variation of 'you didn't have to do this for me' whenever she does X, Y and Z things for me. She _likes _being the man in the relationship. She _loves _courting me even though we're married. Giving her the _Oh, Fleur, you shouldn't have _always makes her light up more than I do whenever I'm in awe of what she does for me. But I still feel so guilty about it all.

I still feel this undying _need _for her right now.

But, sure enough, six thirty hit and, as promised, Fleur appeared right in front of me with the most adorable, adorable, _adorable _toy otter in her arms with white fur. An otter, Fleur…my Patronus is an otter… GOD I wanted to squeal so loudly! But the look on her face when she took in her surroundings and, well, _me, _kept me stable.

I was trying to keep some air of allure and mystery about myself while I kept staring at the TV with my hard expression. I barely noticed her set her purse and my _adorable _gift down on the dresser on the other side of the room, purposely making it face away from us, before she sauntered back over to the foot of the bed. She noticed the candles and the black lingerie she bought me from Frederick's all those years ago and the black satin sheets and the porn on TV and the ice cream…

The ice cream was almost gone. Fleur's expression, I finally noted, was that of extreme concentration with a dab of soft amazement. Even in this dim lighting, I could see a blush grazing her exquisite features. I watched her take her trench coat and boots off, and her eyes never left mine. I'm not sure when I started to care about my sex appeal, and I _didn't, _per sé. I cared about surprising her, paying her back, and yet still teasing her all at the same time.

Her jeans and shirt were off now, and yet the way she removed them was so tantalizing that I had to hold back a blush. My drive kept rushing through me, only heightening and heightening. The sounds from the TV were so apparent and still so negligible at the same time. If I didn't know better, I'd think that Fleur's surprise sent her thrall going off… I can't recall ever being under it, as I thought I was immune to it before, but now…now I don't think I am.

And now, my Fleur was wearing nothing but her enticing, captivating, _enthralling _sex all over her lustrous body. Her love for me made her glow even more while we both let the scent of desire with a hint of vanilla from the candles and the ice cream fill our senses. I had to keep my head on my neck when she made up her mind to reach for my wrist to lick some of the ice cream; her thrall _was _going off… My head felt fuzzy and I almost felt like I was on a very unfamiliar high. It didn't scare me, though… Not at all.

I let her lick a bit of the ice cream before I moved back a little. She followed me with her positively feline seduction written all over her movements while I turned the TV off. But before I could let her take too much control, I slipped my legs from underneath the sheets and put a finger to her lips to halt her advances.

My stomach was nearly boiling with arousal, seeing her hungry, and almost wicked approval of my actions; I moved my finger from her soft, full lips and down to my thong. My legs were spread out wide, and she was on all fours with just enough space in between us for her to watch. I moved my finger that was just over her lips and down in between my legs to pull the fabric to the side, still feeling so, so empowered at the control I had over her. She really couldn't keep the hungry surprise from her face when she watched me slip the rest of the ice cream right in between the lips in between my legs…

Her thrall was starting to give me the sense of an orgasm floating through my body while I used my other hand to free the ice cream from the cone and work it in this same spot where it all melted instantly. I made Fleur eat the cone while I let her obvious approval for my actions keep my hesitations at bay. I let my finger move to that delicate mound of nerves, and back and forth it went while Fleur just kept watching…and watching…

"Mmm…Fleur. You've been nothing but perfect to me for so long…despite any problems we've had. I do adore every little thing you do for me, everything you do _to _me, with me…all of it. After all you've done for me…I think it's only fair that I should let you know what you already should know…but it never hurts to tell you. Especially like this…"

I sped up my finger a bit and focused on the ever building pleasure from that alone, topped with the glazed over, starving expression from the woman before me. She nodded numbly and I felt myself shiver; she really was enjoying this, wasn't she…? I never thought myself one to be prone to using sex appeal, most especially not like this, but she's worth it…

My breaths became shallow while I thought back to the tip she sort of picked up from me to speak in between breathing like this. I moved my free hand to her face and watched the embers from the candles flicker in her dark eyes. Everything from her sculpted features to how very mesmerized she was turned me on more than I could handle, but I kept touching myself for her anyway.

"I can't live…if living is without you… I hope you realize that. My love for you is just so…_so _overwhelming that I _need _to share it with you…constantly… Even your appreciation for this, something I would normally not do…it makes me feel so…good. _So _good, Fleur… You just have no idea… You make me feel like someone new every day. You make me want to explode with a frustrated arousal whenever we're apart…"

I felt my legs tremble while I let my whimpers fill her ears. Her mouth was parted, and I held onto her face while I rode my finger with my hips. Fleur looked like she was about to _cry_ while I kept whimpering and moaning her name, and I swear it made me get off even more. I love having this control over her, even if she is drugging me with the delicate stings of her thrall. But I trust her, I trust her thrall, I trust that we're in complete solitude; I have no qualms about doing myself for her enjoyment…

Feeling the tension shock me right underneath my finger where I was threatening to spill was almost killing me, but I still willed myself to watch her drugged stupor of my actions. I thought about all the nights and some days we spent with each other, pleasing each other, _enjoying _each other… I've never trusted myself like this to anyone. And there is no doubt in my mind that my beautiful, _beautiful _Fleur will ever betray that trust. The excitement I felt right now was tenfold, just assuring myself that she will _always _be mine and only mine.

My eyes flashed and my head started to swim with a dull haze along with the rest of my body while my body jerked forward and my legs almost clamped shut immediately while I felt myself climax… And thankfully, Fleur was fast about it, but I almost felt embarrassed; she moved her head down in an instant and drank all that nearly shot out of me with so much gusto that I nearly screamed…but I know she loves it. I was panting while she kept trying to get more out of me as I moved my hand out of her way, and I was so sensitive in between her tongue that she made me come again, just as violently, if possible…

I let out something of a guttural, groan-like sigh while she kept eating me and my back inched down to the cool black sheets underneath us while she smoothed her wanton hands up and down my waist. I was trembling a little, nearly in shock from feeling her please me even after two orgasms in a row, but her strong tongue lapping away at me made me oblivious to anything but her and the sensual scents around us. The vanilla, the _smell _of Fleur's enjoyment, and me on the sheets; all of it was just…_amazing._

Just focusing on all of that alone made me tremble and whimper and climax again, and I had to catch my breath while I looked down at Fleur slowly pulling away while she licked her lips. My heart was prickling with excitement while she crawled on top of me and pulled the sheets around us. Her lips were parted while she looked at me with so much hunger that I would have been almost disgusted if she were any other person. But I think my mind contorted her gaze into something a little softer while I breathed my scent from her mouth; her eyes were still very dark with lust while she watched me bask in the pleasure she and she alone can give me.

"Hermione… I must admit, you _do _have a bit of je ne sais quoi about yourself…"

"Oh really…?"

"Mhm…just a certain unexplainable, unidentified quality. A hidden trait of sex appeal, just waiting to catch us both off guard. That 'I don't know what' really does apply to you. I hope you keep that in mind…"

"I just wanted to surprise you for a change. That's all…"

"Mmm…you did, love. You did… I'm sorry I lost control of my thrall. It happens…"

"I actually rather liked it. And just knowing that I surprised you enough to make it go off is just as wonderful."

"So you like being under my control?"

"You're the only one I'd put up with so…maybe."

"Be careful what you say, Hermione… I may just do it."

"What, you mean teasing me?"

"Mhm."

"Well Mr. Delacour… I trust you. You're free to do whatever you'd like to me."

"You mean you want me to go back to my days when I was essentially a _whorrible _tease with my objects of affection?"

"I don't know what you mean, but sure."

"You'll hate me, I know you will."

I gaped at her when all she did was look at me playfully and raise her eyebrow at me. She looked off to the side by the door and sighed while my mind was busy racing. I didn't even realize she stole the sheets from me while she got up and went in the bathroom, then promptly shut the door.

What _did _she mean?

"Granger! Up you get! Come on now, let's get dressy dressy!"

"Malfoy!"

I screamed and fell off the bed away from him while he came bustling in with his hand over his eyes and went to the closet… Way to ruin a romantic moment, for Merlin's sake… And I'm _married; _I don't know why he still calls me Granger after all these years. Habit, I presume…

"Up, up, up! I don't want to hear it! It's _my _birthday today and you promised you'd come out with me and everyone tonight! Remember?"

"Oh…that's right…"

"Splendid! Now let's see what you have in here…oh, nice lingerie by the way—OH! This is absolutely perfect! Fleur spoils you rotten, I swear. Hurry up and get in here while she's in the shower!"

"_Patience, _Draco. Honestly. Now what are you doing in here? I can pick out my own clothes. And have you ever heard of knocking?"

"I'm sorry, I don't speak privacy." He turned to give me a very suspicious grin and I blushed furiously while I snatched the clothes from his claws.

"Watch it, or I'll tell everyone about your _escapades _with Squall on my bed. I didn't forget."

"Oh, oh; touché, Granger! But if you must know, the poor boy is now my little bitch once more."

"I figured that much. I haven't seen you this happy in years. And I never did thank you properly for taking care of me in a way for so long. Fleur is very grateful as well."

"Don't worry, I know you are! No worries at all. But I'm very curious about _your _bitch, mind you."

"And why's that?"

"She's just the epitome of Mr. Perfect now, isn't she?"

"Yes. Is that a problem?"

"Of course it is! Fleur _must _be concocting something sexily evil to use against you once we get to New York!" His tone sounded simply scandalous, and I was almost thrown by that alone until my mind realized exactly what he just said.

"She is not…and what do you mean 'we'? You're going too?"

"That I am. Squally boy needs some company. That, and he owes me some kind of explanation for how he's been treating me for the past seventeen years."

"Why didn't you just move on…? Seventeen years is a long time."

"Why don't you ask your seductively secretive hubby that same question?"

I blanched when all he did was smirk at me and move to the next 'room' in this endless closet with his back to me. I turned around right when Fleur came out of the bathroom with a towel over her head while she dried her hair. She obviously didn't care, or forgot that Draco was here; her body was spotless and divine and devoid of anything except for the steam from the shower around her while she stood in the doorway.

It wasn't until I saw Draco grinning at me out of the corner of my eye that I realized I was gawking at her. He couldn't have been serious…but I do know Fleur likes to play around like that. Like _that…_

And yet for some reason, I didn't care. I just wanted to tackle her to the ground and do her now, despite any signals I was getting about her right now.

I need to calm down…

* * *

The car ride to wherever Draco wanted to go was uneventful. Uneventful in the sense that everyone was busy talking amongst themselves. Fleur was engaged in conversation with the twins about work, and Harry was sitting next to me trying to hold a conversation as well in between apologizing profusely. I really wasn't listening to him, or Ron talking to Draco, George, and Squall behind us.

I'm just over-thinking things as usual. That's all. But the way Fleur keeps looking at me out of the corners of her eyes and grinning suggestively keeps telling me otherwise. Gabrielle up front with Antoinette looked a little suspicious too every time she glanced at me, which was frequent.

Okay now…something is off here. Or maybe everyone's just playing with my head… or something. Well, they should know better than not to do that! It's wonderful that we're all hanging out again, but this is ridiculous! It's very possible that I'm just overly paranoid, but I _feel _something off. I can't put my finger on it.

"Hermione?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"You seem a little out of it."

"Oh…oh, I'm fine, really. I'm just…wondering about something…"

"The weird vibes?"

"Well…yes."

"Oh, I feel them too. I wrote it off to them coming from Malfoy being in such a good mood, though. Don't worry about it."

"That's not it…no. I don't think so. I don't know, really."

"You mean Fleur?"

"Yes…maybe."

"Oh Hermione, you know she just has that je ne sais quoi about her going on. I wouldn't worry about her."

"Funny…"

"What's funny?"

"Nothing, Harry… Nothing."

* * *

George and the twins saved a table for us while the rest of us went dancing. The place Draco picked out was an upscale bar with a very _sophisticated ambiance, _or so he says. Fleur and I were just doing a simple two step together, but the simple, catchy music that was playing didn't reach my ears. She had her hand on my hip, mine was on her shoulder, and our free hands were interlaced at our side while we studied each others' eyes. I think we looked almost a little too serious.

Dancing with her was second nature to me. I wasn't thinking about my movements, just the feel of her hand and her shoulder and her eyes looking down at me.

"Hermione, what are you thinking, hm? You look like you're concentrating hard."

"I could say the same about you."

"I love your air of mystérieuse, you know. It suits you."

"Yours is unsettling, I hope you know that."

"Oh my sweet, must you know _everything _about the world about you?"

"_Yes."_

"Mmm, the fair maiden doesn't lie."

"Out with it, Fleur. It seems like everyone's in on something and it's bothering me."

"You're just so much fun to tease…"

Her soft voice was rather off-putting; it just made me that much more suspicious. She stopped us to put a hand to my face and kiss me briefly before picking up the dance again. _I _led her this time, to let her know that I'm serious about whatever it is she's doing to pick on me. She just laughed a bit and went with it, even though the look on my face was telling her that I wasn't playing.

"Come on now; what is it?"

"You'll see."

"So there _is _something!"

"You'll see."

"When?"

"In due time."

"Fleur…"

"You sound sexy when you say my name like that…"

"Fleur! I'm serious here!"

"And I am Fleur Delacour. Enchantée."

"_No! _Stop joking around and tell me what you're up to!"

"Hermione, would you like to have sex with me? You sound _awfully frustrated, _if you know what I mean."

"This _isn't _about sex—"

"So you don't want to have sex with me."

"No!"

"Remember that. _You _said it, not me."

"Tell me what you're up to or else I won't be taking you up on your offer ever again."

"Oh, but I can _make _you want to take me up on my offer, which has now expired, if I do recall."

"Fine! Whatever! Now what is it—"

"Oh Hermione, this is wonderful! You just openly gave me permission to have my way with you! Isn't this exciting? You'll be so sexually frustrated by the end of it that you'll surprise me greatly and frequently, while I pretend to be someone else for my pleasure! You're such an adorable wife."

"What's with the mind games? _Who are you?"_

"I thought we already introduced ourselves?"

"I thought we were _married."_

"We are, chère. We are. That doesn't mean I can't keep the fire going."

"What…?"

Fleur bit her lip and winked at me just as the song ended, and she led me back to our table where everyone else was already sitting and talking loudly. She let me sit down first, and I was still very wary of her while she slid next to me. Draco across from us was smoking a cigar for the hell of it, and Squall next to him looked like he was counting the dots on the ceiling while he smoked a cigarette from how bored he was. Ron was next to me, nagging Harry about his unruly hair, and Gabrielle and Antoinette next to Draco were on about whatever. The twins and George were across from each other, chatting mildly as well.

But what the hell did she mean… _keep the fire going? _And pretend to be someone else? Now she was just being downright silly. _And _she was unusually close to me. Not that I minded, but taking her earlier behavior into consideration is making me mind just a little, despite the haze I felt from the proximity. Her thrall wasn't going off, but it almost felt like it was from how close she was…

"So Granger! Do tell us what your dear hubby is scheduled to do for your excellent company next month!"

"W-well…she's scheduled for quite a few photo shoots in the studios there with Squall, and a follow-up runway exactly one month from tonight…"

"And I assume you're spearheading all of this?"

"Oh, no. No… I'm just going for diplomatic purposes…"

"But of course! I expect a wonderful show from you, Fleur. The press has been insane for coverage on your activities ever since you set foot in the fashion industry. My, my, and to be married to the C.E.O. of the company with your largest contract! Quite the scandal, if I do say so myself."

"Mmm, Draco you humor me. You know Hermione and I were married long before that convenient switch of roles."

"Yes, yes, but what can I say? Besides, what else is there to talk about? Oh, how about the way your nose is practically down your wife's chest and she's spacing out too much to notice?"

Wha…?

I looked down at Fleur, and her nose was indeed in between my breasts down my shirt, and she was fingering playfully at my collar. I scowled while I slapped her hand away and gestured for her to get off while I snapped out of whatever reverie I was in. She moved her face back and looked up at me sadly, but I glared hotly at her; she is _really _up to something, and it's bugging me!

Just as I was about to ask what her deal was, she bit her lip and grinned at me while she moved her head from side to side in a _very _flirtatious manner while she snatched Squall's cigarette from his hand. He looked like he'd rather be anywhere but here, and didn't even notice. Fleur smoked what was left of the thing and blew smoke in my face, but I didn't dare crack. Everyone was watching us with a glint in their eyes now…

"You know, Hermione and I are just like bunnies. Quite the energetic ones at that. She's such a sweetheart…and a closet pervert. We have quite a few naughty adventures between us…"

"Fleur…"

"Ahh… You. Are. So. Sexy. When. You. Are. Pissed. Off. You know that? I'm not drunk, no, but is it so bad that I like playing with you? You know I'm just playing, and yet you always get so bossy and demanding because you must know _everything… _But what's life without a little spontaneity, hm? Besides, if it weren't for Draco being born on this particular day, I'd be showing you just how very spontaneous my mouth is right now… Ah…Hermione… It's such a turn-on when you're bitchy… I like you this way. Why don't we go home so you can put me in my place…?"

"You're insane…"

"I'm insane, you're insane, we're all insane! Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. I don't know. But you'll put up with anything I throw at you. Unless you were lying to me… Liar, liar, hands on fire!"

I relaxed my face and could only blink at her while she smoked the rest of Squall's cigarette and kept blowing smoke in my face, holding the thing in between two fingers like she's been smoking for years. Draco was beaming while he kept smoking his cigar, and everyone else shook their heads at Fleur and kept smiling at me. Fleur wasn't smiling, though. She was looking up at me with something in her eyes…

A little je ne sais quoi, if you will…

But despite the unknown ahead, she was undeniably sexy. I don't know; maybe I do like her like this. Maybe I don't. But she does love me…she isn't trying to trick me to hurt me… I'm not so insecure as to believe she would.

The way the cigarette kept lighting up a little while she smoked it just like my insides, regardless if she was acting so…secretly seductive.

I couldn't think of anything else _but _putting her in her place once we got home…


	86. La Mariposa

December 6th; New York City, New York, United States of America.

_**LXXXIX. **__La Mariposa_

_(Squall's POV)_

Fleur let Draco and I have an extra room in her mansion in New York. It's kind of messed up that we're here and Hermione's in the hotel down the street. I'm not sure what they're playing at with each other, but it's their business. Draco's all hell-bent on getting involved. But I think he's a little more adamant on finding out exactly what I've been up to all these years. He won't stop staring at me, like I'm just supposed to start talking automatically. Hmph.

I kept sitting on the bed while he sat on a chair right in front of me. To be honest, I want to strangle Zell for his stupid blackmail crap right now. Draco always needs someone to be his shadow while he goes on his pompous bitchy parades. I'm his little bitch, essentially, even though I'm thirty-eight fucking years old. I was an idiot to be all strung on finding true love back when I first met Fleur and everyone else.

I found the man I love in Draco, but he's just such a fucking bastard sometimes…

"Well?"

"Well what, Draco?"

"You've owed me an explanation for over a month. Here we are, in New York. You promised me you'd spill everything."

"I wanna know something first."

"Alright, what?"

"How much do you think I'm worth? For real. I've never truly spoke my mind about this because I was young and thought you always had to be right, but I seriously have the feeling that you never respected me before."

"You're right."

I opened my mouth to rant on some more, but I clamped it shut when I realized that he _actually _agreed with me. What the hell? This guy used to tease my ass off and have a hearty laugh about it all when I'd end up in tears, confused as hell about why he would never answer my million dollar question – Why do you do this to me?

"You're perfectly right, Squall. I loved you, and I still do. That hasn't changed. But all those _years _I spent staring at you while you were either trying hard to ignore me, or you honestly didn't care were tough. I didn't just stare at you with nothing on my mind. I realize I wasn't the greatest boyfriend. I was young too, don't forget. It was just such a relief to finally have someone who wasn't going out with me to use me for once. I lost my mind when I realized that _I _was the one essentially in control."

"Yeah well…nice of you to realize your fuck up only after I tried to move on."

"You changed."

"Bullshit."

"See…? You never cussed before unless you were really angry. I know you."

"You didn't know me well enough to stop with your crackpot teasing even after you made me cry like a bitch constantly! I'm not a little boy anymore, Draco. I admit I liked being carefree and flamboyant, and I liked not giving a fuck if people thought I was a fag. But now… But now I don't even think I can do this anymore. This being us. I'm different now, Draco. And the way you've actually matured over the years…I don't know."

"Oh ha ha, Squall. I'm not letting you get back together with me for a mere three weeks, get sex out of me, then try to give me this sappy act. I've been waiting _patiently _for your explanation, and I know this is not it. You're up to something with Zell and everyone else. Might as well tell me."

"Draco—"

"You looked my best friend right in the eye and lied to her about Chanel. I fucking know a liar when I see one. Believe me; I used to take pride in my own lying abilities. The only reason I didn't punch the hell out of you was because I thought I owed you something! If you don't tell me, then NO, there _won't _be an us. Fleur will murder you if she gets tipped off about this little fact."

"…I didn't lie to her—"

"Bloody bastard! What are you doing with the girl? Don't tell me you're all rapists or some rubbish! I love Chanel like she's my own, and, need I remind you, the girl may be sharp but she's only seventeen! What are you doing with her!"

"Nothing!—"

I shut my eyes when Draco launched himself on me and pinned my wrists above my forehead; the man is smart, and even after all these years, I can't stand up to him… My heart was racing from the sudden attack, _and _because I'm lying to Draco of all people, again… But I _can't _tell him…

The promise of an explanation was just a lie to bide my time so Zell would get off my ass about him. All I had to do was say that it didn't work out between us, hit him on the head for getting in my business, then he'd leave me alone…simple as that…

But now that Draco's down on all fours on top of me, I can't deny that I still love him. I've been kicking myself for years, trying to kick my addiction to him; it wouldn't do me any good if I'm working and he floats in my thoughts. I've even tried to convince myself that I hate him…but I don't.

Seems like I never really grew up at all after all these years. Only he has. Or maybe I've just been trying too hard…

"Look at you Squall…you've turned into a first-class lying asshole. Whatever you're doing with your boyfriends needs to get out in the open, or I _will _make you scream and wish you told me earlier."

"Fuck, Draco, I'm _not _a rapist…or a pedophile. I don't even like women like that."

"All because a girl ruined your life back in Italy. I know."

I chanced opening my eyes to look at him, and his eyes were burning with a mix of anger and sympathy if at all possible… But how the hell did he know about that? I made a point not to tell him so he wouldn't make fun of me about it, because I _knew _he would…

"Don't worry about how I know. The point is – you wouldn't be in this position right now, in every sense of the words, if Fleur and Gabrielle weren't kind enough to practically finish raising you. Gabrielle took you in when you were homeless, weak, and defenseless; but above all, you had your identity. You helped Fleur and Hermione's relationship because you taught Fleur how to be more honest with Hermione. _Honest…_and listen to the spite in my tone. Your life now is nothing but a web of lies and confusion and secrecy. And _don't _try to blame it on me; for all I know, you would have stumbled upon this life regardless of how I treated you."

"…yeah, you're right."

"So why can't you stop the lies and finally man up to tell me the truth? You owe me that much. If it's so bad, then yeah, maybe I'll walk out that door. But I know how to keep a damn secret as long as you keep me off of the list of people that know about this."

"Fine, Draco…fine."

"Wonderful. Now what's the deal with Zell?"

"He decided to play matchmaker with us, mostly for blackmail. He said if I didn't work on me and you that he'd tell Hermione and Fleur about…Chanel."

"And you thought you could pretend to be with me for a short time, break it off calmly with just a boo hoo and a beg from me, then you'd kick me to the curb and claim to Zell it just didn't work out. My broken heart would mean nothing to you, and the sex between us would be out of your system, and then you'd promptly move on. And then you and your boyfriends would continue using Chanel for your gain, despite any obvious dangers. Am I right?"

"…well…yeah—"

The sound of his strong palm whipping the air and cracking against my face rung horribly in my ears while I laid there with my face to the side like a fucking loser… Draco moved so that he was sitting cross-legged on my stomach, and his weight didn't bother me. But it did bother me that the truth would be leaking out tonight, regardless if he said he wouldn't tell anyone.

But the way he summed up my motives made me feel sick…

"Squall, just tell me what you've been doing. It _must _be SO great that you'd run away to it instead of actually growing a set by putting me in my place. You did it that first night I went after you. That was my only clue to your behavior that you were honestly upset about something. But from then on, you were always silent! How was I supposed to know what you wanted? I thought you were bored! That's why I teased you, because I didn't know what else to do to keep our fucking FIRE going! Now what the hell else do you need to tell me?"

Draco clicked his tongue and scoffed at me when he noticed the tears welling up in my eyes, but I didn't blame him… The way he's rationalizing everything is making me feel like I fucked up big time by keeping him in the dark. Everything he said makes so much sense, but I thought I was finally right for once in thinking that he was teasing me to be a jerk. It was like there was no point in telling him that I lied because I love him too much.

It doesn't make up for me letting Chanel help us without thinking. Fleur's going to kill me if she finds out, but…maybe she won't if she realizes just what we've been doing… Draco, too.

I turned my head to look him directly in the eye even though I was crying. He kept his façade and crossed his arms, and I kept feeling more and more idiotic by the second. But what the fuck did it matter…

"I started a fucking mafia to toughen myself up when I finally told you I couldn't take it anymore. You know Fleur and Hermione are famous in the world. And their preferences don't exactly tickle everyone's fancy. Regardless if we're in the year 2027, it's been a long eighteen years keeping them protected… I never told anyone because I knew you'd nag about my goddamn _safety. _I was just out to prove to myself and those fucking homophobic bastards that I'm not a bitch who needs to depend on anyone.

"There are Veela helping me to seduce people into telling us enough information to get them locked up or on death row. But you know what? Chanel ran into the four most wanted bastards on our list and actually stood up to them. She punched the main one in the face all because she called Fleur a loser! Chanel _cares _about both of her parents, Draco. That's the only reason why I let her help us… I know she's young, but you know what? I wish someone would have given me a chance like this when I was seventeen.

"And as for _you, _I kept you away from me because you are my weakness. If it got out that you and I were dating, who do you think they'd be after? YOU. I couldn't have that; it's hard enough to keep Chanel's identity hidden, AND protect Fleur and Hermione at the same time! You're right – Fleur took me in when I needed help. I owe her my life, and I know she'd pull Chanel out, or even kill me if she knew what we were up to, regardless of our cause! But now I'm fucking confused because I've started lying to all of you!

"My heart hasn't been in my work anymore, and the guys know! They would have believed me if I said it didn't work out between us! But now, because you just have to know EVERY fucking THING, th-that's out the goddamn window! Even _Chanel's_ concentration is off because she cares so much about Hermione! Even if she is just an eighth Veela, she's been SO fucking invaluable to us over the past year! She's even told me that this is where her ambition lies! Who gives a fuck if it's shady or if she risks her life every night she's out there? She's found something she believes in, and it SHOWS, Draco! It SHOWS!

"But you know what? We can't stay attached to people, regardless if we're protecting them or not, Draco! THAT'S why I ignored you for over seventeen years! THAT'S why I lied to you just now, because, no, you're NOT worth the truth! You may be a tough man, but on the inside I _know_ you're sensitive! I knew it'd break your heart if I told you! B-but the worst p-part of it all was that I just ran into a damn circle after all this time! I CAN'T fight you, I still love you, and now I'm back to crying like the helpless idiot I was when I first fell in love with you! I NEVER moved on, I N-NEVER grew up, and now I don't even see the point in anything anymore! FUCK!"

I didn't even notice Draco moved behind me and pulled me up so that he was holding me in his arms with my back to him while I kept crying…and crying…and crying… I didn't notice anything anymore. I thought I was so damn smart, so hard, so independent with my new life! But here he comes, messing up my concentration, and now that I'm back in his arms, there's no leaving anymore. Just as he wishes…and just as I secretly wish, too…

But even if I felt weak right now, I did feel better to have finally vented about everything… I kept all of that bottled inside for years. My demeanor has changed, and I'm sure everyone's noticed that I'm not the bubbly, bouncy teenager I once was before Draco got to me. But still…I felt ashamed.

I needed a cigarette, or a drink, or something…

"Squall…I'm sorry. You haven't changed… If anything, you've matured so much over the years. You're doing something right for the ones you care about… I mean…I don't think I'd be so noble as to do that on my own. But it seems to me that lies have started to leak and people are getting frustrated here…including you.

"But you know what…? I'm not leaving you. You say there are four main people involved, and I trust that you've plans to take them out. I assume things will calm down once that's done. I trust that you'll be fine. Is it true though that this madness will stop once they're locked up?"

"…I've plans to kill them this m-month…but yeah…shit will stop once they're gone…"

"Okay then. As for Chanel…I really don't know what to say. If she dies, you're dead. I hope you know that."

"Yeah…yeah I know. I've tried to ask her to reconsider but she won't hear of it…"

"Watch out for her, then. You're like our guardian angel, I think. Or maybe just a butterfly since you're such a pretty boy."

"A _butterfly?"_

"Yeah. You came all the way from Italy, and now you're sort of…flying around with us, making sure we're protected. It's like…well…I don't know. I just felt like saying something philosophical."

A laugh actually came out of my mouth, and Draco chuckled too. I can't remember when the last time it was I laughed if not with Chanel and everyone else. It did feel a lot better to get everything out, though… Draco and I haven't been like this in years.

"But hey Squally, what's say we go see poor Mrs. Delacour? I think she needs our expertise on dealing with that tease of a husband she has right now."

"Oh, yeah…sure."

"My lips are sealed about this. Alright?"

"I trust you…"

Draco moved a bit and I turned to face him to give him a chaste kiss before he apparated us to Hermione's suite. It's such a relief that he didn't go ballistic on me…

* * *

I had a big smile on my face while he held my hand and led us to the bedroom where, sure enough, she had her nose in a book the size of an anchor while she sat cross-legged on her bed in nothing but a black two piece. It almost looked like the same one she was wearing the morning before her wedding when she, um, _found _Draco and me on her bed. There was a very cute toy otter with white fur in her arms, too. It almost looked like it was reading with her.

But I didn't know Hermione was into stuffed animals…

"Hermione?" I asked. She didn't even budge… "Hermione, what are you wearing?"

"It's what she's _not _wearing," Draco mumbled. I sniggered and elbowed him lightly and he snorted with laughter while we went to the side of her bed.

"Hello?"

"How long are you going to keep ignoring us while you keep reading away in just your knickers?"

"What are 'knickers'?" I was confused. Sounded like some kind of candy or something…

"You're dating an Englishman and you don't know what knickers are…?"

"Mmm…what…. SQUALL? DRACO? DID YOU EVEN KNOCK BEFORE COMING IN HERE?"

Draco laughed his ass off while Hermione scrambled to get under her duvet while I grinned at her. Her toy otter went flying, and I caught it with my free hand. It really was cute, looking all innocent, unlike some people… Hermione snatched it from my hand and glared at me, but I kept smiling. She looked a little thrown by my smile, though.

"Well aren't you two just the happy couple who like to barge into peoples' rooms unexpectedly?"

"Come now, Granger! We've seen you like this loads of times; you'd think that you'd be used to it by now."

"Whatever. What do you want?"

"What's its name?" I asked, pointing to the otter in her arms. Draco smirked even more when he noticed it, too.

"_His _name is Noel."

"Like 'Christmas' in French? Noëlle?"

"Yes…"

"Real cute, uh huh," Draco droned. I rolled my eyes and Hermione sighed while we sat down on her bed and faced her. "Anyway, we're here to help you. Hey, what's this?"

Draco held up another paper that was next to Hermione. It was a drawing of Fleur's body. Her _body. _Hermione blushed profusely and snatched it away, but I don't know why she did that; it was really good!

"I didn't know you knew how to draw, Granger." Even Draco looked impressed. I was, too.

"I didn't either…"

"Oh hey, I bet Fleur would be flattered as hell if you drew her," I chimed in. "All of her. You know, bring her in for the night and let her be your subject."

"I doubt she'd _show _any of her flattery, let alone oblige to my wishes if I asked…"

"Well then," Draco grinned. "Just call her up, then you do the dirty talk and get her fine ass over here! A little phonography never hurt."

"_Phonography?"_

"Yes, of course! Anatomy talk, biology slang, phone sex, whatever you want to call it!"

"Draco, I don't… I'm not skilled in the art of cunnilingus via phone."

"Don't over-think it. Just go with it. Relax!"

"She won't be free for a couple of days, so it'll have to wait…"

"Oh, excuses. In the mean time, just enjoy yourself. You know Fleur's just teasing for fun, even if you do seem a little, well, irked."

"_Irate _is more appropriate."

"Ah, young love… Squall, why don't we spend some time to make poor Hermione cheer up, hm?"

"Err, sure. Whatever."

"Wait a minute," Hermione said while she got from under the duvet and crawled over to us. She looked at me funny while she examined my eyes. I blanched; Draco had this glint in his eyes, too.

"Yeah…?"

"Is your last name really Leonhart?"

"Yeah, why…?"

"You were the…old man…dancing like a green butterfly…aha…aha! HAHAHAHA!"

Hermione and Draco burst out laughing with their arms draped over the others' shoulders while I kept blinking stupidly at them. They were both _dying _in between sputtering some incoherent crap about 'Miss Leonhart' and 'cross-dresser' and 'obsessive smoker and drinker' and 'Fleur's senile uncle in that dream.' The fuck?

Eh…well, I guess it doesn't matter. I sighed and smiled at them while they kept laughing together. It was nice to relax for once and not be on edge about everything, even if they were kinda laughing at me. But they're best friends, and they're allowed to have inside jokes or whatever…it's fine with me.

I just hoped this wouldn't be the last time I'd see Hermione's smile…


	87. Let's Talk About Biology

December 13th

_**XC. **__Let's Talk About Biology_

_(Hermione's POV)_

This soft fur and snuggly feeling in my arms and on my face was nearly lost on me while I lay in the dark, staring out this huge pane of the pouring rain outside. I don't know why I'm wearing that Versace dress Fleur bought me, holding Noel when I _could _be holding Fleur. I doubt that she's even on her way. She didn't give me a solid yes or no anyway.

A frustrated, dull ache coursed through me because of how badly I want her right now. I know I dared her to tease me. I know I gave her permission. I know I told her she's free to do whatever she likes with me. _Oh Hermione, ever the masochist. _I know I ought to just _go _with it, but I don't even know what that means. I _do _feel like Fleur is a completely different person, but…her fascination is that much more powerful on me now. I've never seen this side of her before, and a deep, dark part of me enjoys the torturous sexy glances she gives me. Another deeper, much darker part of me loves her like this…so uninhibited, in touch with her sexual nature, and so, so mine despite the teasing.

My eyes drooped subconsciously while I let the endless swirls of that familiar haze she and she alone gives me take over. It started right in the center of my stomach, moving up to envelop my chest in a wracking, joyful, _blissfully _painful throb for her. From there it erupted into heat in between my thighs. Was it just Fleur that was doing this to me, or my disbelief that I actually spoke to her over the phone like that just now…?

Or maybe it was just the ever so present sultry tone in her husky voice that made me cringe with delirium…

"_Talk to me."_

"_Fleur, um… I know for a fact that you're not busy tonight, so…we ought to spend time together. I found out I can draw the other day, and I was wondering if you'd like to be my subject."_

"_Draw, hm?"_

"_Y-yes…"_

"_Draw as in…what? My hands?"_

"_You…all of you."_

"_All of me…"_

"_Yes… Though I do know what your sex looks like, I think it'd make you blush if I could put it on paper."_

"_Mmm…what if I told you I'm blushing now…?"_

"_I doubt it…"_

"_Oh, but I bet _you _are, thinking of getting me to lounge around nude in your suite. Seeing me so exposed, desirable, lustrous…"_

"_Hardly…"_

"_Hermione, you're a poor liar. I can just _hear _the wine slipping from your adorable cheeks, dripping from your tongue and coating the texture of your voice… Don't deny me."_

"_Don't tempt me, Fleur…"_

"_Oohh, you sound dangerous."_

"_Well… My so-called dangerous tongue would like to lap you as soon as I'm done drawing that elusive clit of yours, you know…"_

"_Mmm…keep talking like that…"_

"_Are you alone…?"_

"_Yes…and so is my hand."_

"_Well, it shouldn't be… I know you've got something _vibrating _down where I should be…"_

"_It's there. You're right… Even in this drafty room, everything feels so much…warmer now."_

"_Mmm, well use those fingernails of yours to find that spot. I want to hear your…approval."_

"_Naughty, naughty Hermione… I didn't know you were into…mmm…phonography."_

"_Whatever helps to get you over here while you're still nursing an orgasm is good enough for me."_

"_Ohhh…well…you hear my breaths now. These shocks under my finger keep getting more and more sensual the harder I think about you… Your poor thing."_

"_I beg to differ."_

"_Oh but Hermione…mmm…you see…ohhh… You have to…mmpf…settle for just _listening _and not…ooh! Seeing…feeling…experiencing… Doesn't it make you…soooooo angrrrrrry?"_

"_No…"_

"_Mmm! Mmm…Hermione…! Oh, Hermione! Don't lie…don't lie to me don't lie to me don't lie…don't lie…don't…lie…! Ohh! Je suis si excitée… Hermione, Hermione, don't you like listening to me whimper your name…? Hermione, Hermione, God, make me come…"_

"_Fleur… Fleur, just—"_

"_OHH! Ohh God… God, Hermione…ohh…did you…did you hear that? God it felt so good… My entire hand is soaked… Ohhh… Hermione…mmm…this…feels…nice… You should see me now…"_

"…_w-well… I'd like—love to see you…n-now…soon…tonight…"_

"_You sound so cute when you stutter… I've got you wrapped around my come-soaked finger, love… And…mmm…you just taste so, so very…exquisite. Mmm! Magnifique…"_

"_Y-you…uhm… S-so, so I'll see you…soon…"_

"_I'll come soon…"_

…

So…yes… I really…don't know if she meant she was…_on her way _or…not… Not like that. Well… I can't remember ever feeling like this… So very aroused and yet oh so frustrated by her…_expertise. _Nothing Draco told me the other day could have prepared me for THAT. Thinking of her _reactions_ while I kept lying here with my eyes closed was rather intoxicating…

_Don't bother saying you're sorry;  
Why don't you come in?  
Smoke all my cigarettes…again.  
Every time I get no further._

I think, above all, I do like these new experiences and sensations, irritation aside. There's just something nagging me, making me wonder if Fleur enjoys my torment or if she's just doing what I dared her to do. Every time I go watch her photo shoots, she flat out ignores me. She never makes eye contact. I always feel that painful want for her searing me whenever I watch, just waiting for her to make eye contact with me and spark my insides with the approval that she's still conscious of my feelings.

There is just no way, possible or impossible, for me to be able to compete with her sex appeal. I resigned myself long ago to just being myself throughout this whole ordeal, however long it lasts. My attempt at phone sex already went wayward; Fleur snatched control away from me before the opportunity even presented itself to us. Or maybe only me…

And now I'm back to feeling like that Hermione I was in our dream all those years ago. I'm almost after a woman that seemingly does not want me, but I'm attached to her in more ways than one. Even the sound of the Gulf waves ebbed and flowed through my senses, nearly drifting me off to sleep while I let the even more soothing sounds of Fleur's arousal fill my mind. It felt…nice.

My mind must have been playing tricks on me; I just barely opened my eyes and I saw a silhouette in front of me. The light from the moon and rain and dark clouds outside hurt, and this silhouette looked like they were unbuttoning their ivory and black trench coat. Mmm…what a body…

The silhouette was in a black silk skirt and top to match now. My eyes finally started to adjust while the person bent down and ran their inch-long nail down Noel's face and curled it up to mine. I felt a blizzard shoot down my spine and I nearly jumped out of my skin while I bit back a scream and rolled away.

Wait…

"Fleur!"

_How long has it been?  
Come on in now,  
wipe your feet  
on my dreams._

"Good evening."

My chest was heavy and I kept swallowing while I caught my breath. Her voice was caked with a sweet, affectionate tone of sexy… My eyebrows nearly reached my hairline while she took Noel from me and held him in her arms while she bent down to the bed and put her weight on her arms. Even in this lighting, I could see quite a few things down her shirt…and she kept looking at me with an evocative air of amusement. She's never looked at me this way before.

I think…this just gave me an entirely new definition of what it means to be rendered useless and still so, so very turned-on…

"I came, Hermione."

Fleur's husky laughter made me sigh one last time before I finally caught my breath. But it kept threatening to run away from me while she set Noel on one of the pillows, again making a point to have him face away from us, and started unbuttoning her shirt. My jaw was hanging open and my lips were dry; I licked my lips automatically and she laughed again.

"Wait… How did you…get in here? You've never been in here before…"

"Quite the contrary, love. This is the exact same room we stayed in nineteen years ago. You didn't hear me _pop _in?"

She put her lips together and curled them in, then puckered them out to make a small _pop _sound before she gave me a very alluring smile. I shook my head while she kept getting closer to me, still unbuttoning her shirt slowly, tantalizingly…

_You take up my time  
like some cheap magazine  
when I could have been learning something.  
Oh well, you know what I mean._

I kept getting flashbacks of that dream. This smile she was giving me now; it was the same one I remembered when I found her that day when we went on that walk when she told me about Ron wanting to marry her. _Ron _of all people… And the way I felt right now reminded me of how stupid I probably looked in that country club with her friends. That Fleur was oddly like this one here…

"Well?"

"W-well what?"

"Let's see what you can do."

I felt myself gasping for air while I scrambled away from her and to the floor to search under my bed for the big paper and graphite pencils I bought just for this occasion. I was suddenly very parched while she kept unbuttoning her shirt, but never took it off. It took me ages to situate the paper on the floor. It was durable enough to draw without any trouble, but the way Fleur was giving me a gaze with the intensity of something so much greater than I'd ever seen before while she stood and walked over to the window was…torture.

_I've done this before.  
And I will do it again.  
Come on and kill me, baby  
while you smile like a friend._

I watched her reflection in the window while she finally took off her shirt and extended her arm all the way to her side, letting the silk fall on the chair while I kept staring at her with heavy breathing. Sure…her presence is mesmerizing. It's been a long time, if ever, that she's been able to do this to me, though…

Watching her slip out of her skirt while I tried to remember that I needed to be drawing her was difficult. I didn't know if she was just going to stay in her black lingerie; she kept standing there for a long time, so I started with her outline. Very simple…nothing horrible, even if my hands were still shaking…

I remembered us dancing in our dream. So elegant and graceful compared to me.. Even just standing here, she's all that and more. I do trust her judgments with this teasing thing, then. I've never felt this way before, and I want to actually make the moves for once. I want to please her and surprise her and…well…be her bitch.

Oh, but the second she started removing her bra, my hand stopped, my jaw fell again and I was gaping at her… She slipped it off and threw it aside while my eyes kept getting wider and wider while she inched out of her thong, too. She just let it fall to the floor…

My God, how have I never noticed her like this before…?

_And I'll come running  
just to do it  
again._

I quickly threw my current sketch aside and hurriedly started on a new one while Fleur backed up and sat with her back facing me on the bed. Breathing heavily and listening to nothing but my blood pumping through my veins and my thundering heart while I put her on paper as best as I could was a very intimate experience for me…

Fleur had curves in all the right places, and the weight she gained after all these years did wonders to flesh her out a little more. It was hard to multi-task with flicking my gaze back and forth from her to this paper, trying to keep my hand steady while I finished with the sketch of her outline again.

It was especially nice thinking of how amazing she is while I started on the daunting task of sketching out the angle of her breast that I could see from this angle. I can't compete with her in any way possible, but I don't think I want to… I'm perfectly fine with putting up with anything she throws at me. Every little thing she does to me is fascinating and engaging, even if it renders me rather helpless at times. I trust her, though…

I just hope she trusts herself, and her insecurities are no longer a part of her like the rest of her beauty all over her incredible body.

_You are the last drink I never should have drunk  
You are the body hidden in the trunk  
You are the habit I can't seem to kick  
You are my secrets on the front page every week_

She turned her head around to regard me sternly from over her shoulder, and the way I could only see the dark blue of her eyes and no white sent that blizzard down my spine again. I quickly finished this sketch while she stood up and walked around casually, finally sitting on the chair while I rushed to retrieve another paper. Her eyes were still the same, but that was fine…

Just as I was about to start, she spread her legs out with her hands on her knees and shot her head to the side. I muffled a scream while I dropped my pencil, but I quickly hurried to make a jagged outline of her figure now…legs spread like a butterfly and an Aphrodite-like face… The lighting in here was perfect to get just the right shadows over her body, her hair was shimmering nicely, and I could see the reflection of the rain spattering the window all over her front.

I should have found out I knew how to draw _ages _ago. This was actually very, very enjoyable. Well, any excuse to gawk at Fleur like I am now is enjoyable, even if I'm allowed to do so much more than gawk…

_You are the car I never should have bought  
You are the train I never should have caught  
You are the cut that makes me hide my face  
You are the party that makes me feel my age_

_Like a car crash I can see but I just can't avoid  
Like a plane I'm told I never should board  
Like a film that's so bad but I've gotta stay 'till the end  
Let me tell you now,  
it's lucky for you that we're friends._

But now that I'm sitting here on the floor, practically worshipping her body right now with my work, I'm wondering about something. I don't mind that sweat is dripping down my brow from me blushing and scurrying around so much, but…why does Fleur like to tease people? Or why did she? To keep our fire going, as she says, okay. Yes…I haven't ever felt like this before, and it feels weird that I seemed to have regressed as far as how much her presence reduces me to a heap of idiot. It never really did that before…not until now. And we're _married._

I just wonder if maybe she's enjoying this a little too much. Even if she hasn't smiled again this whole time I've drawn her. Of course now I'm visibly shaking from starting to draw _everything _in between her legs, and not just the chair, but she's still looking off to the side with such a hard expression on her face. For once, I can't read her… I haven't been in this position in a very long time. When I did have this problem, she was dealing with something…her insecurities, namely. I don't know…maybe they'll never go away. Maybe she is dangerous for me, but I'm staying with her… She respects me, and I appreciate that.

Just as I focused a little more on the drawing to add some finishing touches after making sure her thighs were shaded to perfection, she suddenly started putting on her lingerie. It took me a while to notice, and it wasn't until she started zipping up her thigh-high boots and buttoning up her trench coat that I finally looked up when she spoke.

"I have to go. I have somewhere to be in an hour and I look a mess."

I just sat there and blinked stupidly, not even looking at her, while she picked up her purse and strode straight out the door without even looking down at me. A few moments passed while I kept sitting in just my Versace dress, that _she _bought, and I didn't even hear her close the door while she strutted right out and back downstairs.

Did she seriously just leave me here looking like an idiot…?

So there is something wrong…

I scrambled up and barely remembered to snatch my wand while I hurried to lock the door and left to run after her. It didn't matter if I wasn't wearing anything but my dress or if people were looking at me strangely; something was wrong, and I could tell. To hell with this act; she's feeling off and I need to go and fix this…

A long series of curses sputtered under my breath while I ran outside in the rain and just barely saw her entering a taxi just across the street. I nearly slipped while I narrowly escaped getting ran over while I held my hands out and yelled at the driver to wait while I opened the back door and let myself in. I was heaving for breaths while I looked at her, perfectly dry, not even facing me while she kept staring out the window…


	88. Lethal Rejection

Still December 13th

_**XCI. **__Lethal Rejection_

_(Hermione's POV)_

I was frozen to the bone while I sat shivering next to Fleur during the taxi ride. I noted dully to myself that we conveniently had the same driver from all those years ago…and he was, of course, drooling at us. I scowled at him and snapped at him to keep his eyes on the road, and he seemingly stared at us no longer.

Turning my attention back to Fleur was rather…difficult, considering how she wasn't even looking at me. Her reflection in the window was unclear to me, but I could be doing so much more than trying to decipher her reflection right now…

"You left your shoes."

"That doesn't matter… Will you look at me? What was that all about just now?"

Despite the wetness, I moved to straddle her. She still refused to face me or answer me for whatever reasons. I moved my trembling hands to her face, but her neck was as solid as cement it seemed… This wasn't normal…any other time, she'd at least stare at me in silence if I were this close.

"You're getting my coat wet."

"And this is the sound of me not caring…"

She clenched her jaw for a moment and I kicked myself inwardly for my tactlessness. I had a nagging feeling that my suspicions were correct while I glossed a nail down the side of her face, and I felt her suppress a shiver underneath me.

"Fleur… Fleur, this isn't like you, notwithstanding the so-called teasing… Will you at least…at least _look _at me? Make some snide remark or something. I have a feeling that something's off…"

Nothing… If she was playing a mind game with me right now, then she's doing a damn good job of keeping a straight face. But that shiver…I got somewhere with her. Something _is _wrong…

"Listen to me. I know you… Despite how you're acting, I know you care about me. I know you respect me above all else. If you want to know the truth, then yes – you've made me feel more alive than I've ever felt before just now. You do it to me every day regardless of anything. Now I'm not exactly sure what's wrong, or if maybe you think you're falling back into old habits—"

"I am."

"Fleur, I told you I trust you to have your way with me. The simple truth is that I trust _you. _I'm not sure why you're…acting this way. Unless it's part of the teasing."

"It's not."

"Okay then…well…will you look at me? Please? I'm worried about you. And I know you're still the same Fleur. You're still my husband."

I felt a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth when she finally turned to face me, but the tugging immediately went down when I noticed her eyes were red. Tears were drying on her gorgeous face, and her eyes looked so…hollow.

There was something very strange in the air while she looked at me. Not just because she was crying, no… Too often, I've felt like I'm a different Hermione while I've been in this city. I'm wondering if Fleur is feeling like that other Fleur she was…?

"We are who we are, Hermione. People don't change."

"But Fleur…you… Do you…_feel _any different?"

"I feel nothing for you. And I don't…know…why."

I couldn't even feel my expression on my face. There was nothing on my face. Nothing inside of me, either. I couldn't even feel Fleur's skin under my fingertips anymore. I went blind for all I knew. I was deaf. Colorblind in my own mind. Was I even breathing or blinking anymore? I don't…know…

Something was terribly, terribly wrong… This can't be happening… I'm not here, this isn't happening… No, no…no… NO!

"NO, FLEUR! NO! Don't say that! If this is part of your teasing, you'd better t-take that back! Take it back right now! Th-that is the WORST possible thing you could ever tell me!"

My face was burning with stings of wanting to cry from my very _pores _while she kept looking up at me with her stone-faced expression, shaking her head no… I can't…believe this… I'm not here. This isn't happening… The moment's passed, and it was all a lie, right? I just forgot that we had a good laugh about the look on our face right now…

Fireworks and hurricanes kept going off and spinning in my mind, crackling and making a cataract of rage and confusion build inside of me. No one has ever hurt me with something so intangible as their _words… _Not even Ron. Not even Chanel… No. One. And yet Fleur did it so easily…

No…I can't let the rage blind me. Something else is going on…something's happening to us. I _refuse _to believe that she's either lying very well for no apparent reason, or lying to hurt me on purpose. Fleur wouldn't _do _that…

"Y-you… Fleur you… I love you. I love you, d-do you hear me? I _refuse _to believe that you…don't…"

"I do not."

"No…no… Fleur, please… This can't be… We're m-married for Chrissake! We have a daughter, we have a house together, we have _memories _together—"

"I _know _all of that but I do not _feel _ANYTHING for you. I KNOW I _should, _Hermione! It's been bugging me ever since we set foot in this fucking city!"

"Then why didn't you tell me…?"

"You're crying… I hate seeing you cry…"

Fleur wouldn't mess with my heart like this just to _tease _me… Something just isn't right… These sensations I feel for her, the hurt, the confusion, memories of that dream boggling me down… I don't know.

There's something off in this city…

* * *

I saw Fleur to her door and we stopped just outside, even in the freezing rain. She looked down at me so sadly… So, so sadly… I still got as close to her as possible and got on the tips of my toes to kiss her, and she didn't even try to kiss me back.. I kept going with more and more fervor, like I hadn't kissed her in ages, and pinned her against her door.

She was wracking with sobs and spasms, I was shuddering with tears, and I tried to edge them away while I desperately ran my hands down her back her arms her neck her shoulders and through her hair…but nothing worked. Nothing. Nothing at all…

She let me try to kiss her for a long, long time out there that night. I couldn't _believe _this… She knows if this was part of the teasing act that I would flat out refuse to ever speak to her again…she wouldn't play like that. No…

How…?

I pulled away when I couldn't cry anymore. She looked down at me with that same expression, and I didn't even know what the hell to say… Fleur just bent down to kiss me on each cheek before taking off her boots and trench coat and giving them to me quickly before she rushed inside.

The last thing I heard other than her door slam was her wailing, and I felt the very ground beneath me crumble and melt and…die. It just died. Everything did. How the HELL is this possible?

I made up my mind; I hurried to put her boots and coat on, ever so thankful for the warmth, and checked my surroundings. No one was around, so I immediately disapparated to the Ministry in the center of Manhattan to get a portkey straightaway.

A portkey to Paris, where else? I have a hospital to raid for the second time in my life…


	89. Litany

December…13th!

_**XCII. **__Litany_

_(Chanel's POV)_

Papa was late. She told me she'd meet me here in this chapel because she said she needed to talk to me in a place like this. Eh. Something always comes up. She always gives me excuses with no explanations, so all I can assume is that it's work-related…but somehow, I doubted that.

The place was Gothic-style; very tall, dark, fancy windows – the works. I was sitting on my knees at the altar, trying to pray even with the thunderstorm going outside.

Thunderstorm… I bet you can guess whose arms I wanted to be in right now. But at this point, even Papa's would be just fine. I hate thunder, I hate lightning, and I hate them both together even more. I'm not sure why. The sounds can always crack chills down my spine unlike anything else in this world.

I tried to pray that Squall's plans would work. No one will die. No one. _Apparently _I'm not allowed to go with everyone to find Josie and everyone else once we're back in Paris. Bah. _Mur, mur, mur, you're only seventeen and Fleur'd KILL us if you died! _Meh, whatever. I've told them I swear Josie's here. It's just a feeling I have. If she is…and she sees me, then I'm dead. But I don't think even she would have the heart to shoot me down in a church…I was essentially safe here, even if my eyes were closed.

But I was a little worried about Papa. And myself, I guess. Sitting here with no light except from two candles is still dangerous. And in New York of all cities… My senses heightened a little, and I could almost hear the rain pounding the roof overhead, the wind howling, cars outside…

…someone walking up to me… Their footsteps were too heavy and slow to be who I'm hoping it is. I heard long hair swishing on the fabric of the back of their shirt. There was this eerie jingle of their chains around their neck, too. I heard them stand right next to me, sit down on their knees, and…

…and readjust their glasses and then clasp their hands together before sighing.

Fuck…

"Josie…"

"'Sup…"

"You do realize I…dislike you."

"I don't dislike you. Breaks my heart to hear you say that."

"What the h-… What are you doing here?"

"Praying just like you. What's it _sound _like I'm doing, Veela girl?"

"…my father's on her way."

"I told her we're best buddies; I ain't worried about her. I'm here to talk to you."

I tried to listen in for any signs of other life in here. No one was near. I couldn't hear cars anymore, but I still heard the rain on the roof, now more clear than ever. My heart should have been racing and I should have been nervous…but I wasn't. There was something about her air right now that told me she didn't mean any harm.

But it's JOSIE! Josie, the homophobe who keeps plotting to kill my parents! I should have whipped out my wand and killed her now, but regardless if it seems like she has her guard down right now, that might be reckless. The last thing I need is to end up in the hospital and to be found out by Papa…

"I'm listening."

"Can you look at me…?"

"I'm _listening."_

"Alright, alright, chill… Look… I'm sorry."

"You're _sorry? _You're sorry?"

"Keep your voice down—"

"Don't tell me what the f-… DON'T tell me what to do! Hissing is not even that loud, but fu-… GAH! You have some effing nerve, coming in here trying to talk to me, trying to _apologize _to ME of all people, when I KNOW what you're trying to do—"

"Chanel, please—"

"No! Eff you dumb…dumb lint licker! UGH I can't even cuss you out properly in here! SOB, GTFO of my face!"

"Chanel stop! I… I have an explanation for all the…all the BS and mess and horse stuff I put you and your group through—"

"I don't wanna effing hear the horse stuff! GTFO!"

"God Chanel, I was just effing in denial of my own sexuality all this time!"

"Eff you-… wait… What?"

"I've been…in denial…all these years… I'm only doing this shady horse stuff because one I'm mad at your mom for helping Seifer, and two it just makes sense to attack her sexuality because…because I can't accept that I like women. It's wrong. It's not right…"

"…if that isn't the biggest wad of BS I've ever heard… You killed other gays, Josie! You killed members of my group! This is wrong! And no matter WTF you tell me, I'm going to…dislike you. You've been plotting to kill my parents for YEARS. Eff you!"

"But—"

"Oh what? Next you're gonna tell me that for this entire year, you've just wanted to if you seek Amy this whole time?"

"…if you gotta be blunt about it, then yeah."

"EW! Eff you! GTFO! You're Squall's age! I'm seventeen, need I remind you? And you're NOT someone I'd want to be caught effing around with! I'd never let you if you seek Amy even if you were the last woman on earth! NO! Now get out of here before my father gets here! If you even let the mere THOUGHT of killing her slip in your demented brain, I'll make you pay."

"I figured you'd say that…just wanted to say my piece before your people try to kill me. I know what's up, homie."

"Get out. Screw you all. ALL of you! You're all losers. You being in denial about yourself is NO excuse for what you've done, what you've been planning on doing…NO! Just GET OUT!"

"…tell your dad she's a finder then."

"A what…?"

"Finder. Opposite of loser… And you are too… Strong kid. I know what I've done is wrong. I'd go turn myself in now but your group wants a fight so I'll give 'em one. I'm no coward. But just know I'd move the whole effin' world for you. I really…look up to you. I'm sorry. So yeah… I'll see you around…peace out, Chanel."

And after another pop, I was alone again. I opened my eyes and looked at my hands; my knuckles were bleeding from digging my nails into them. My mouth was dry, my eyes were stinging… That was just…some kind of trick to throw my concentration off. No.

Just as I ran a hand through my hair, I realized someone else sitting on their knees next to me. I looked at her and sighed; she picked a fine time to show up. But her eyes…what…?

"Have you been crying?"

I blinked stupidly when she just nodded and held both of my hands to have me stand up with her. She had us walk right by the altar and she stood to face me, and I faced her. The look in her eyes was very…hollow.

"Hm? What's up, Papa? Feels like we're getting married or—"

Err…I shouldn't have said that, because it looked like she was struggling to stay standing while tears kept welling up in her eyes. Something inside of her was broken… Something was lost. Wait… WAIT!

"Is Hermione dead or something?"

"N-no…"

"Oh…" That's a relief…I thought Josie might have just been distracting me from something worse… "Then what's wrong?"

"Your eyes…"

"Uhm…Hermione's eyes, yes… What about them? And why are you crying?"

"Something's wrong… love is broken… it's fleeting… no hope…anymore… what day is it, Chanel…? What time… where…"

"Papa… no… Fleur! What is wrong with you?"

"I don't love her anymore… why… I don't know why… why, why, Chanel? WHY? I _stood _at an altar and married her! I REMEMBER! I remember EVERYTHING! TWO candles, TWO eyes on her beautiful face, TWO hearts joined as ONE! How is it just gone like that!"

"…you're just stressed—"

"No… no, Chanel. Ever since we got here, I've felt like a zombie. I'm not me… I feel like Miss Leonhart's niece…not your father. Not Hermione's husband… Even you, I don't…feel…anything… And despite your better judgment, I have…and I always did."

"You…what…? Stop… You're starting to panic. No. Just…calm down…try harder. Trust me."

I think her seeing me so composed is probably the only thing that kept her from breaking down right now… Her hands were trembling despite me holding them as hard as I could, but not so hard to crush her hands. Her knees were threatening to give way, and she was turning red from trying so hard not to cry. I kept trying to channel some kind of warmth in my eyes. My eyes that I knew she was trying to see Hermione in, like she's been doing most of my life.

I did end up talking to Professor Kramer about those potions. She said that they're great for a quick fix, but after too many, the ingredients can start to alter people, but only _temporarily. _I'm going to tell Papa this once she calms down…she wouldn't believe me right now.

Only Kelly or other people who make those potions know the specific side-effects of their concoctions. But Kramer swore on her life that the effects wouldn't last that long. Certain events, or being in certain places can trigger things. Hermione's delirium did go away, and whatever's happening right now with Papa will too. There are certain devices that can contain these side-effects and never make them go away if not destroyed...but there was no way of telling for sure what was going on right now.

All I had to do was be _her _pillar of strength right now. A very rare occurrence, but I'm sort of used to it from Hermione. I never did thank her properly.

"I feel something renewed right now…but just barely…it's so hard. But I'm sorry I never told you I... I'm sorry… I'm sorry for breaking your heart and making it so that it could never ever mend to be the same. I'm sorry I couldn't let your mother go sooner. I'm sorry I never showed you affection, I never gave you a childhood…I always treated you like an adult because I didn't know how else to raise you. You grew up too fast, Chanel… you did… You did and it's all my fault… All my fault, my fault, my fault…"

"Hey…hey look, I'm not… I'm not mad—"

"Yes you are… Maybe n-not now because I'm so weak and I _need _you right now…but you are. Deep inside… You b-bottle things up… And now I f-feel stupid, stupid, STUPID for not b-being with Hermione while I could! TEASING, TEASING, _TEASING! _Tease me, please me! ARRGHH!"

"Papa…calm down…"

"I stood at an altar like this with her and VOWED to always love her! My Hermione is out there with no assurance that I love her! For all I know she might be dead! She told me she'd kill herself if I died that year before our wedding! I probably have! I'm NOTHING to her without this love…where is it… WHERE!

"And d-don't TELL me to calm d-down! You don't understand! YOU DON'T! You've NEVER felt love for anyone before; you've never kissed, touched, given unto your love! You've never felt your love practically RIPPED away from you countless times in your twenty long years of loving her! You don't even know what it FEELS like to have someone tell you they love you! You don't know affection, pleasure, love! _I _DID! So don't you DARE tell me what to do or think or feel, Chanel!"

I was already too numb from her words to register that she shoved me to the ground and made the candles go out while she disapparated away. She did not…no… She didn't say that. This is just some joke. My throat clenching and my heart actually…breaking for the first time in my life while I laid here in this dark church, alone, in the middle of a thunderstorm…no. This isn't happening…

My head and back finally came to life and started aching from the fall. My chest hurt from her hands shoving me down. But…no. No fucking way, man! If she knew everything I was doing for her…if she knew how many times I've risked my ass…

And her fucking accusations… I wonder whose fault that all is, like she said? Hah. Ha ha ha ha…HAHAHA!

"HAHA, Fleur… HAHAHAHA! You're real funny, you know! HAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHA… ARGH!"

A very…acidic…boiling pot of anger settled in the pit of my stomach. It kept boiling and boiling and _boiling…_

The steam went right to my eyes and made them want to just fucking _evaporate _out of my sockets…and they did just that while I laid there and cried like a loser… But I still kept praying for her because I _do _love her.

I refuse to stoop to her level and go off on her… She's just…clearly upset… She's allowed to have her moods… Vent, release…

And yet so am I.


	90. Luminescence

December 14th; Paris, France.

_**XCIII. **__Luminescence_

_(Hermione's POV)_

The sound of the heels of Fleur's white leather thigh high boots clicking angrily through these endless white halls kept clicking and clicking and clicking at my temper at one in the morning, making it grow, making everything boil, making me more and more red in the face…

My fists were balled up while I swung my arms angrily with my stride, trying to not let the situation bring me to my knees and in an inevitable pool of tears. Fleur's warmth still lingered on this trench coat of hers…the same one she was wearing when she first came to tell me I was hired. I know she remembers…so at least we still have our memories.

That familiar hospital smell – forced cleanliness – and the sound of people crying and obviously muttering about me kept sending nausea to my stomach on top of the sheer IMPOSSIBILITY of this situation!

I am going to _maim_ Kelly…just as soon as I find her…

People who were too slow to move out of my way received a shove to the side and a middle finger from me if they had a problem with it. The place was especially busy now, the receptionist told me, so getting Kelly alone might be a little _difficult. _A lot of suicide victims are here now that the holidays are just around the corner, and just the mere _thought _of that horrible S word keeps sending stings to my eyes.

Blood was pulsing dangerously in my head and I almost felt my veins pop while I concocted something to do to this woman if this stupid mess isn't irreversible! She _may _have helped our relationship countless times, but it's all for nothing now if Fleur can't _feel _anything for me! Hell, after all the good times we've had, getting this slapped in our face makes it all feel that much more worse!

But I know I felt different the second I got back to Paris. I didn't feel like a mindless idiot from so much as thinking of Fleur, even though there's nothing wrong with that in _theory. _It's telling me something else, though. All we have to do is get out of the city limits and we should be fine…but Fleur has work to do for the next four days! And…ARGH! WHERE is this room?

Just as I mumbled some random stream of curses at some bloke who wouldn't get out of my way, I found the break room where Kelly was lounging in, obviously on her coffee break. She was in there with a friend, and said friend was talking so loudly and rudely for her position that I paused in the doorway for a while.

"So I told the horny bastard no. These damn hours are killing me, and he just doesn't get it!"

"Sleep trumps sex, of course!"

"Yeah well maybe I'd be able to get some sleep if we didn't have all this work to do…"

"You're young, you can always quit and find somethin' else to do."

"Ehh…nah. I do like the job though."

"No room for rest, I reckon. You'll get used to it."

"Bah. Goddamn sick people—"

"_Excuse me," _I finally interrupted. Kelly beamed and immediately rushed over to crush my bones with a bear hug…

"Hermione Delacour! Well I'll be! I haven't seen you in months! How've ya been? And those boots! That coat! Is that Kenneth Cole—"

"YOU! KELLY WHATEVER YOUR LAST NAME IS! I cannot BELIEVE YOU!"

I shoved her off of me and her friend promptly left the room. I gestured wildly at Kelly and only grew more and more frustrated when she didn't even so much as blink through my whole tirade, but I was too pissed off to care about anything except for Fleur right now! Whatever came out of my mouth was uninhibited because I was THAT fed up with this bullshit!

"Goddamnit, woman! My husband is basically HANDICAPPED of her love for me right now! Do you know how FUCKING much I'm hurting right now because of this? What if this can't be fixed! And it's ALL your fault, you stupid tramp! Trailer park! Trailer park piece of shit bitch!

"YOUR POTIONS! Bloody potions! First my memories, now this? Fleur doesn't love me anymore! She thinks she's the Fleur from that dream you gave us about being in New York! And whenever I'm in that city, I feel like that Hermione I was in the dream! What the _fuck _is going on!"

"Hm? Oh Hermione, what are you on about?"

Kelly had her eyes closed placidly while she kept smiling broadly, and all the while I kept staring at this frozen frame, completely bewildered that this airhead was sharp enough to brew her _potions. _

I think she's successfully given me a phobia of liquid substances now…

"Fleur does not love me…anymore… Even the words sting my tongue as I speak them… Why is it that I'm fine now that I'm not in New York? I _know _your potions give us funny side-effects…"

"Oh goodness, honey. She'll be fine! But I do have proof. It's not here though, it's back at home. Why don't we pop on by there so I can show you?"

"Fine, whatever! I need to hurry back and explain to her so she doesn't go even more insane than she already is!"

"Alright! Hold on now!"

God, was a simple, carefree life with my husband so much to ask for…?

When we arrived in Kelly's dark abode, which was _not _a trailer…she wasn't able to turn on the lights for some reason. She shrugged it off to a power outage and just illuminated her wand while she led me upstairs to her study. It reminded me vaguely of Snape's classroom… Cauldrons bubbling everywhere, cupboards filled to the brim with ingredients. The only light sources were coming from some of the brightly-lit potions brewing by the bookshelf Kelly was searching through.

I felt a strong need to apologize for my outburst, but I didn't really want to break the silence with that right now. Even though she had her _proof _that Fleur would be fine, I still felt a little angry. But still very guilty for not watching my tongue… I've just never been in a situation like this before; my memories were a different story. This is entirely too different and frightening… I can't see myself living without Fleur.

My palms were unusually sweaty while I fidgeted and watched her flip through a very large book with interest. I was nervous, of course… But she helped me before when I thought it was impossible for me to be restored…I could only pray that she could help us again. Nothing in my life is steady right now except for my family… Everything that's happened up to this point came about unexpectedly, no plans or preparations. I know I keep saying that surprises make life worthwhile, but sometimes…they're just too much.

The surprise I felt in that taxi just hours ago will probably never leave me. Not for a long while, anyway…

"Ah, here we are! I made a note of which vial I jumbled up last time we spoke. But in that vial, I made sure that Fleur was seeing things through your body, not hers in the dream. If I didn't do that, then…well…let's just say I reckon you'd have a few more choice of words for me!"

"Err…right… So what you're saying is, she held on to her sense of self even though she was essentially in my body?"

"That's right! Fleur's an insecure lady, ain't she? Well, all you gotta do is something that you've done for her before to prove that you love her. Everything will just come pourin' back once you do. If she tries to escape the magic in the city's limits before then, or if she keeps trying to force the feelings back before that happens, then she might go a little crazy. Nothing too horrible."

"I understand… Does it say specifically what I've had to have done before to help her now?"

"The first instance of convincing her that you love her. _Truly. _And a little dancing with a nice song and showing her a different side of yourself never hurt! There's some annual Quidditch party in New York soon, ain't there? The locale is different this year but it should bring back memories."

"Truly…"

_I love you…truly. You p-probably don't believe me. You probably think I'm lying b-because of this disease… But if it's a disease to be in love with you, then so b-be it. If it's a disease to cry every t-time you run from me when all I want to do is hold you in m-my arms, then fine._

"And if it's a disease to die…if you can't love me back…then I'll take it. Kelly… I think I've got it! I know what the instance is, but I don't know how to get her to run from me…"

"Ohhh you know Fleur. She will…sadly. Just trust your instincts. But when you get back in the city limits, you'll remember all this mumbo jumbo. Might be a little funny in the head, thinking a little like the _other _Hermione, but I trust you'll be fine!"

"Thank God… Thank you for telling me this…and thank you for the dreams, even if the aftereffects are a tad…bothersome…"

"No worries, Hermione! I do remember I helped y'all get your love off the ground with those first batch of dreams. I really do need to work on finding some ingredients without these nasty side-effects! Do forgive me, Mrs.! And tell the man of the house I apologize for me."

"It's no trouble…but thank you _so _much, again. I owe you so much, really… Without you…I don't know where we'd be. And I'm deeply sorry for insulting you—"

Gun fire…

A bullet went off and Kelly immediately fell to her knees…

I screamed and backed away while she fell to the floor at my feet, bleeding all over the place…she wasn't breathing… Oh my God… oh my God what the hell is going on here? Who—

"Aw shit man…last bullet."

"Fuckwad. We get this close and you forget to reload? The boss is gonna fucken castrate you, fool."

Those voices… No… They were getting closer and I backed away as far as I could. Those men…

"M-m-m-martin? R-robert?"

"Hey Hermione! You remember me! I told you to call me Martini though. Boss likes the sound of that way better."

"You…you killed…you… I can't…_believe _you…"

"Better believe it, sugar dyke."

Every single one of my joints were shaking and yet I was still so paralyzed at the same time. I could barely hear them laugh at my attempts to apparate; they sealed the house off. They were getting closer, still trying to talk to me but I couldn't hear…

This is one of those times when my life flashed before my eyes, but I was still alive. All I _could _think about was the way Fleur looked under the moonlight that evening under the stars. The way she smiled at me kept my heart beating through whatever was happening to me. The way Chanel teased me to cheer me up that morning in the halls at Hogwarts kept blood pumping through my veins. I ignored my prickling throat and the searing pain in my head; those two helped me do it.

And the feel of your warmth around me, inside of me, _with _me, Fleur, kept me alive. But the way you must be feeling right now just made me want to scream and cry and die now… I need to get to you…and tell you that everything will be alright…

I _need_ to see your smile again…


	91. Living in Your Letters

December 15th; New York City.

_**XCIV. **__Living in Your Letters_

_(Fleur's POV)_

All of your letters…our pictures…here…spread out on the bed with me. It's raining outside again tonight, Hermione… And you know how much the rain means to me. But now that I'm holding these envelopes close to my nose that smell of your perfume, they can't refill me of what you meant to me…

Why now that we've gotten past so many barriers, this one comes up? There are always problems, problems, _PROBLEMS, _issues, fights, miscommunications, disagreements; what the fuck is it all for? To test us? To try us? To see if our love can withstand anything…? Well…mine obviously can't. What little I feel for you now is _nothing _compared to how I felt for you yesteryear. Yesteryear when _I _was the one doing the chasing for once in my life. But even still, I feel like I'm _forcing _the love to come back, and that's not…that's not how it should work. Not now, not ever…

I'm wearing our outfit again. I need to see you, but I don't even know where you are… But my feet are leading me out my room, downstairs, and right out the door. I need…you… If it's not possible to be with someone if you don't even love them, I don't care! I'll break the norm and fight it to be with you, because I still respect you. You're still the most important person in my life next to Chanel, but I've gone and fucked things up with her too, Hermione… I'm such a loser.

She hates me now. No she hasn't told me, silly… No. When does Chanel ever speak her mind with me? She refuses to come out of her room…but she should. It's a warm day out, even though this rain is so, so cold… Where are you leading me, Hermione? Where? I hear you struggling somewhere now that my senses are heightened…or maybe I'm just delirious again. I keep playing your voice over in my head, from the tens of letters you've sent me since you woke up in June.

Where are you…? I hear you getting closer…so vaguely. I'm walking in the direction of your hotel a few blocks down, and your struggling keeps making my heart clench… I can't speed up. I don't know why… I'm assuming the worst…I won't get there in time. Why are you still struggling even with your broken heart…? I broke it again with my words, didn't I…? GOD I'm so fucking stupid!

I keep failing you. But you told me you'd stay with me no matter what… Even now? Even now that this what I feel for you isn't the magnanimous, dangerous, _apocalyptic _love I once held for you and you alone? My heart has been tested and failed continuously the entire time we've been here…but right now, all I want is you. Christmas is soon. This will be our first Christmas together in years…years…so many long years…

"_Fleur…"_

What? What? Hermione! Hermione, where are you?

"_Hurry…"_

Hurry where!

Argghhh…my mind… I keep hearing your voice. It's shooting warmth through my body to fight the onslaught of rain. So you are just down this endless road…

People were in the way all of a sudden, but I willed myself to speed up. Another test… Another test and I refuse to fail you. I'm not. I won't! I'm slowly starting to feel a little more for you…a little more, and a little more the faster my blood pumps through my veins that pump for _you. _This desperate cry for oxygen while I speed through this block is _so _familiar. But I wasn't the one running…you were. In that dream…that fucking dream that started all of this mess…

Hitting this pavement is better than waiting for you to just come back to me, or making myself believe that I can only push you away further and further. Your cries keep getting louder, but they're still so faint… And these fucking…pedestrians… FUCK!

I'm scared… I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared you're too far, but I'm taking my chances anyway. I turned onto the street and ran through the night, even with the rain almost cutting my face. My skin was numb from the cold, but the more I kept running, the more warmth I started to feel for you inside of me. It's like…falling in love. You fell in love with me when you were ten… So young, so naïve, so carefree… Why can't you and I be like that?

Your written words made me speed up despite myself… I sped up because the growth was addicting. Too fucking addicting… So what if it's being forced right now? I trust you to bring it all back to me the right way… I trust you… I trust—

"_Ron asked me to marry him."_

What..?

"_Ron wants to marry me."_

Ron! RON? I thought you broke up with Ron YEARS ago! Nearly thirty years ago, you said! Ron doesn't love you! I… Goddamnit, Hermione! I'm trying here! I feel something for you and I'm still running right now! Did you make me run all this way only to start feeling something for you, then you stomp all over it while I'm out of breath?

"_Because… Um… I just… I…wanted to know if you had…anything to say."_

How the fuck could you be so cruel? Such a tease!

No, Hermione… No. You told me to wound me. Or you told me out of habit. Or you told me to drive me _mad. _Well… I don't care! I'm stopping in the middle of this intersection right now because I don't care! No! If it's a clue or a plea or a tease… I don't care. It probably is! No…

I gripped the very roots of my hair in my hands while I stood panicking in the middle of this intersection. I STOPPED TRAFFIC for you, Hermione! I keep looking around, completely disoriented now because _Ron's _name keeps popping in my mind, and yet I still hear you struggling somewhere so close… So close and yet so, so far away… Where are you! Where? I'm sorry! I'll find you and stop you! You told me so that I'd stop you, didn't you!

And of course, I would… I will.

But if you knew how distraught I am right now, trying to run in so many different directions at once while my heart keeps tearing and mending and warming and _breaking _for you, then you'd just feel so good about yourself, wouldn't you! My heartbeats are dying as much as all of the noise of car horns surrounding me. These people can't understand what I'm going through…they don't. It's impossible for _anyone _to understand how much I love you and don't love you all at the same time…

I keep seeing glimpses of your dark chocolate tresses, your smooth legs, your scowl, your eyes… they keep forming as mirages from left to right, and your sounds keep multiplying, coming from every direction all at the same time… I'm so confused. Slowly whirling around in a circle of my own cataract of confusion right now isn't doing me any good… I need to…run… RUN!

And so I ran again in the direction I _think _I was first going in… I don't know. I kept running down this street in between cars, in between car horns, almost feeling you cradled in my arms. That feeling…that feeling of empowerment, running down the streets of Paris with you in my arms… God, I will never forget that. I can't. It kept making my legs go faster, faster, faster despite how much of a tease you are!

"There is no one else for me, do you hear me Hermione Granger! NO ONE! Just having you in my MIND repels anyone else away from me! I love your men's clothing and your sexy art and your ogling! I'm rich now! Don't just leave me high and dry just like that!

"I HATE YOU! I hate you but I love you! I'm obsessed! Addicted! Addicted to one night of pleasure seven years ago, and one childhood kiss seven years prior! My heartbeats are so…slow…dying…deliberate… But I'm still…going with a purpose…to make me hear… To make me feel! To make me aware of my surroundings…

"I'm _still _alive whether you believe it or not, and I have something I want, Hermione!"

Your voice keeps getting closer and closer and _closer… _God, this is so expected of me…to chase after you. My suit is drenched, you know! This had better be the last time… So what if there's a sick part of me that enjoys chasing after you…? I just want to settle down…

I sped up while I kept letting so many foreign memories of us pour through me; illusions, fantasies, letters… I remember touching you…kissing you… It felt so good… So good… My love is about to explode from me if I don't share it with you! Do you hear me! It keeps growing exponentially, _dangerously, _and it WILL be the end of me if I can't have you without anymore of this stupid teasing!

If I wasn't sprinting before, then I was now, more than ever, for you! I kept running past my lung and heart and MIND capacity for you, Hermione! Don't you understand! I'm lost and confused, and forcing all of this to come back to me is breaking me! It's going to kill me! But your voice keeps getting closer the nearer I get to your hotel… I kept pounding my feet in these old thin Converse faster and faster against this street in the dead of night for you. You are MINE. Not Ron's, not Leonhart's – MINE. I'm not scared anymore! Even if you do break my heart again… I _will _have you. TONIGHT.

I want to hear you scream with pleasure and sigh your arousal for me! I need you to show me what it finally means to feel! My skin is still numb, my throat is bleeding, but I'm still going… I might have even been crying, but I don't know… I don't know…

But now it just feels like I'm running into a black hole. I probably did; I can't hear anything anymore. I can't see you. All I see is your hotel. But something keeps telling me that you're here… I don't know. I looked down at the building across from your hotel, and there were windows down by the sidewalk. A basement was there, I think. My eyes kept glaring through them like a laser, but was there even a point…? I don't know.

I looked around and made sure I was alone before apparating to your room. You weren't there of course, but I stayed in here, holding onto Noel in my arms so desperately while I kept watching these windows so many floors below.

I think I hate the rain now, but it all started to turn into snow anyway. Like Noel…your Patronus. So I kept watching these windows… Watching and watching because there was nothing else to do but stare at them and let my growing, everlasting love for you steadily multiply…


	92. Let Me Be Your Superman

Still December 15th

_**XCV. **__Let Me Be Your Superman_

_(Draco's POV)_

I don't know what time it was that night, but I was walking out in the snow anyway. Squall's gone, Fleur's working I guess, Chanel's being irritable and unpleasant with her silence and won't tell me why… I figured I'd go see Hermione. Why I was walking, I don't know. There was no rush.

Bah… I hate the holidays. Even if Squall and I are okay, he's not here. This time of the year always made me think about making it so that I'd never feel this stupid lethargy ever again. Holidays are so overrated and commercialized, especially Christmas. God, and these bloody Christmas songs! Who gives a fuck if I'm a Scrooge; I probably look like one, dressed in all black. Maybe I'm just in mourning or something. I don't know.

The sound of snow crunching under my feet made me think about Fleur randomly showing up in that restaurant where Hermione and I were all those years ago. Fleur really has been through some serious shit on account of Hermione. You'd think that someone as charming and collected as her wouldn't ever lose it like that…it scared the hell out of me when I saw her. Even now…I'm worried sick about her.

Well, I suppose Fleur is just a fine example that people can change for the ones they love. I have. Hermione never needed changing. Sometimes I'll still chuckle to myself that she and I are best friends, even after all the bullshit I put her and Potter and Weasley through. Or should I say Weasley and Weasley? Hmph. But I wonder if Squall and I should get married. Settle down once he's done. I wonder who the man in our relationship is. Sometimes it's me, sometimes it's him. It _really_ feels like him now that I'm _waiting _on him. Whatever…

Thank God Hermione's hotel is just down this block. It's fucking freezing out here, and the dark is getting to me. I keep hearing things even though no one is nearby.

Funny how my worst enemies in the past are all my best friends now. Even some of them, I feel like I owe my life to. Hermione and Fleur, specifically. Hermione because she helped me get over my fears about Squall. And Fleur… Well, after all the times I nearly fucked up her relationship, I feel like I owe her something still. She says I repaid her by taking care of Hermione all these years, but it's not enough. I always feel like whatever I do just isn't enough. After all my years of being sneaky and cunning, I just want to change. I've started. But I wish I could do something more. Playing the hero always seemed appealing to me. And I guess it sort of still does.

Eh, so there is one person out this late. The bloke walked right into me without even saying excuse me, and I whirled around to give him a piece of my mind, but I heard someone else right behind me too. The first idiot stopped and faced me with this smirk on his face.

Something doesn't feel right…

"You expectin' me to apologize? Ego stroke, fella?"

"It's just bloody common courtesy. You don't _have _to—"

"Then why'd you turn around? Scared now?"

"…I don't know what you're on about. Now good night—"

"Ohhh I thought you looked familiar… I think you should come with us."

"And j-just why should I do that?"

"Promise we won't rape ya…"

Fear? Of course…typical Draco Malfoy, ever the coward. I could see wands _and _guns bulging in their pockets, so I had no choice but to follow them… Something was keeping me from apparating, even out in the open! What the fuck… Hermione's hotel was right there too! I tried to look up at her window, and I think I saw a speck of a person, but the second bloke slapped me upside the head to make me keep following, and I flinched and obliged because I didn't know what the fuck else to do.

Oh some goddamn hero _I _am. I'm useless… I wasn't able to stop Squall, Chanel's probably in her room concocting some deranged potions for her bullets by that smell I remember coming from her room, and now these fuckers are leading me down in the building right across from Hermione's hotel.

The place was dark, drafty, freezing… Even in all my clothes, my hair on my arms and neck was standing up on end, my stomach was in knots, my lip was even quivering… God I have no fucking bravery, apparently! Who am I kidding, thinking I'm able to play hero even with these buff men leading me down into some basement? But this has to be a joke… Why would someone want to take me—

"Fucking hell!"

The bastards shoved me to the ground right when we got near those same windows, and I barely saw the hotel outside while I went flying to the floor and almost broke my face when I landed way too painfully. Shit… There were a lot of other people in here, and there was someone on the ground right in front of me… Holy… That shade of brown…

"Hermione!"

"Ah ha! 'Ey boss, so this is the guy! Me 'n Martini found 'im walkin' around outside!"

I swallowed and kept a whimper from coming out of my mouth while I tried to crawl over to Hermione sprawled face down on this cold floor… How… Fleur can't possibly know about this or she would have told me… A very painful stab of nerves hit me when I realized from the way everyone was mumbling 'this is Squall's fag' that these are the bastards he's fighting against. And lil' ol me just so happened to stumble upon them… Fucking great…

Seeing Hermione like this made me feel so powerless… Her trench coat and white boots were spick and span though. I rolled her onto her back and she looked just fine. She was just passed out. She wasn't dirty, beaten up… Breathing just fine… Why didn't they…kill her like they've been meaning to do? I held onto her even with them all laughing at me and I shut my eyes against her chest… I haven't felt this way about someone I care about in years…not since the war. They'll no doubt kill her if she stays here…

I can't let that happen…

"Let her go…just…take me instead."

"Eh? You tryna make a bargain with us?"

"I am Squall's boyfriend and I know he's against you all… Besides, if you kill Hermione he'll want to avenge her. If I'm gone…he'd just kill himself. He told me he would."

"Bah! Boss, what do you think? I dunno why you're stallin' to kill the dyke anyway!"

"Robert, shut up fool." The _boss _finally walked right in front of me and regarded me sternly. I scowled at her. I don't know why her damn bling bling was glowing so much even in this lighting. "You're Draco?"

"Yeah."

"Everyone get the fuck outta here. I needa talk to this dude in private for a second. Don't wanna risk y'all blowin' his head off if he don't got the right answers, y'hear?"

I swallowed again when everyone muttered some variation of 'yeah boss' before they all hiked upstairs. She really does have them all on a leash; I could tell some wanted to at least kick me, but none of them did. My lip finally calmed down, but my body started shaking when the _boss _started running a finger down her handgun. I've seen Squall's; his are infused with magic and they glow a little bit. But hers didn't; it was just a normal gun.

But normal gun or not normal gun, the sight still scared the fuck out of me. I thought I'd, you know, maybe grown out of my goddamn coward stage after a few thirty years, but I guess not. This woman pulled a chair over and sat right in front of Hermione and I. She didn't say anything for a long while…she just kept glossing a hand over her gun, looking down at me through her thick black-rimmed glasses, obviously deep in thought.

I know I'm gay, but… even if she does look hard, a pretty woman like her shouldn't be in this position…

"The name's Josie. Josie Gonzalez. I told Hermione I'm Mexican and Filipino, but I'm really Italian and Filipino. She admitted to helping the dude that killed my family, the Vespucci's, get out of death row. Even if the fool is dead now, I still want my revenge. So, really, my real last name is Vespucci. Your _boyfriend _doesn't seem to remember me, though."

"And just why would he?"

"I ruined his life back in Italy."

"WHAT? You.. You're the girl that told his family he's gay!"

"Yeah… Maybe if I took off these glasses he'd recognize me. But I'm sure you know how it feels…getting screwed over by the sex that you're _supposed _to be with, then thinking that the other is best."

"Well…yeah. I did get screwed over by a woman years ago. So when I got to thinking about it…women aren't for me. N-no offence."

"None taken. I guess…Squall didn't screw me over. I was already in denial about myself way before then. I guess I did kinda force myself on him. Got pissed because you know he's such a pretty boy… I could have kept my mind off my sexuality and at least tried to _pretend _he was a girl. But no… I was bitter, confused, angry… I took it out on him. Now look where we're at…"

"J-josie…don't mind me asking this, but are you doing all of this because of your denial…?"

"Yeah…pretty much. I'm just jealous, I guess. Jealous that you all can find someone you want to be with even with society against y'all. I wish I could find a woman to be with…but the only one I've loved for a year straight hates me. I don't blame her. You know her, too."

"Who…?"

"Chanel Delacour."

"WHAT!"

"Keep it down, man… don't forget I can just kill you now."

"B-but… Chanel? She's… she's seventeen..! And… she… I don't _think _she's a lesbian…err…"

"Yeah yeah, I confessed to her or whatever. Wasn't expecting her to drop all this and marry me or some bullshit. It's just…guilt. Fucking guilt… I would have killed myself, on top of these gay ass holidays being close. But if Squall wants to kill me, I'm not going down without the fight he wants. I know he's looking for me now."

"He is… But please… save yourself more guilt and let Hermione go. Just take me instead… I'd rather die than have Fleur lose her wife. Squall…he's important to me, but at this point my loyalties lay closer to my best friends. So please…"

"You her Superman or somethin'?"

"I owe her…and Fleur… Both of them. Just take me so they don't get suspicious… I know I'm in no place to bargain but… p-please…"

"…I will on one condition."

"Anything…"

"I open this window and leave Hermione out there. If no one finds her, that's on her. You don't go anywhere."

"Of course, of course, that's fine."

"And one more thing."

"Y-yeah…?"

"Tomorrow night I need you to scream louder than you've ever screamed before. If no one hears you, then I will kill you."


	93. Labyrinth

December 16th

_**XCVI. **__Labyrinth_

_(Hermione's POV)_

A subtle blue darkness enveloped me…wherever I was. I felt warm, though. Very warm… Safe, protected, loved. A soft silence veiled my ears and an even softer warmth was on my forehead. There was a duvet on top of me, a pillow under the side of my face, and someone else's smooth face on mine. Their hair almost tickled me while I opened my eyes. We were in my suite, on my bed. We… We being Fleur…and me.

"Fleur…? Fleur!"

I tried to get my arms around her, but she bounded from the bed and out of my grasp immediately. I frowned sadly at her and she couldn't even make eye contact with me… She was wearing our same old outfit and her eyes were bloodshot… I got from underneath the duvet to sit on the bed, and I was still wearing her trench coat and my dress. Her boots sat neatly on the floor next to the nightstand.

It was dark outside, but only from the rain clouds forming. The clock only read five PM. I swallowed and looked back to Fleur, and she had her arms wrapped around her waist, occasionally moving them down to pull at the bottom of her shirt. The last thing I remember was talking to Kelly about fixing this…and I remember how. Everything after that is a blur. That and I'm still incredibly tired… I'm not sure why.

But there was a small part of me that remembers snow being all around me while I laid out in the cold. Strong arms picked me up and carried me all the way back up here, I think…

"Did you…carry me all the way up here?"

"Yes… I used the stairs."

"Why…?"

"I'm not sure… it just…seemed more…romantic."

I smiled at her and she let herself smile just a little. That was good… More _romantic… _Sounds like something she would say. I extended my arms out for her to hug me, and she didn't hesitate to crawl back over to me and let me hold her, and she held me just as tightly.

It's been over a month since I've felt this calming warmth in my heart and stomach, just from her accepting my affection… Yes, the teasing has been getting to me, but now my mini bout of amnesia is bothering me too.

But I'm not sure…maybe she didn't want to talk about what happened just now. And yet…she said romantic. That means…

"Hermione, I don't know how it happened, but just know that I love you…again. But I swear I don't…feel like myself… something is wrong with me."

"Let's not worry about that… I'm just relieved to hear you tell me those words…again. I _really, _really am…"

"I'm glad you are… And…I found you…outside. Last night."

"Oh… How did I end up out there…? The last thing I remember was getting Kelly to tell me how to fix these aftereffects of her potions."

"Someone just…set you out there. I couldn't apparate for some reason so I took the elevator down to get you as fast as I could."

"Strange… It does bother me how I got from Paris all the way back here and yet I don't remember. But that's not important. That Quidditch party is being held on the sixteenth. It's the sixteenth today isn't it?"

"Yes… I know about it too. It's in that same place with the spinning doors…in our dream."

"Why don't we go to that? They're actually going to have music there since it's in a larger ballroom. We haven't danced in a formal place in years…"

"…okay."

"Alright. It's at seven so we should probably start getting dressed now… We'll meet each other there…?"

"We'll meet each other there."

"Perfect. I really need to talk to you then. Even though I can't remember what just happened, I still… Well… For now, just know that I can never get bored with you. But feel free to do whatever you feel you need to do with me. I mean…the teasing, yes it may frustrate me but…"

"Say no more."

I didn't. I couldn't; she shifted slightly to look me in the eye. That innocence spread over her visage made me want to sigh contentedly, but she still looked somewhat troubled. Her lips looked more full than usual, though. Was she asking me to kiss her…?

But despite everything, why was this proximity making me almost light-headed from blushing so much? Is she messing with my head? Something overtook me and I scowled at her, feeling completely nonplussed that she flinched and let go of me to stand. All she did was pick up her boots and look at me apologetically before disapparating.

Wait… Why am I scowling? I hurt her feelings just now, didn't I…? Oh Goddamnit…

What the _hell _is in this city that could possibly make these aftereffects so damn strong? She just said she loves me again, and yet something is still _off. _

I guess I need to step up my game a little, huh…?

* * *

Getting ready was…difficult. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror in undergarments and a towel while I wondered what to do with myself tonight seemed so daunting. I'm sure Fleur's probably nervous, too. I sighed while I made sure my hair was smooth and curly enough before I went over to my closet and opened it.

I had plenty of dresses; that wasn't my issue. But tonight, I needed something different. Very, very different. I licked my lips apprehensively just as I found a special suit I had made for a rainy night; white, just like Fleur's wedding suit… But instead of a shiny chocolate brown collar, this one was sapphire. The same color as her eyes. Black necktie, same sapphire dress shirt, normal men's dress shoes.. And the vines were there. I took a deep breath while I lay them all out of my bed and put my hands on my hips.

Fleur always seems like the man in the relationship. She's always doing things for me, being a sweetheart or driving me up a wall, and overall just loving me a thousand percent in her own ways all the time… What have I been doing? What have _I _done to surprise her? I masturbated for her one night a month ago. That's all I've done. It's all I feel like I've done. She's always giving and giving and I'm always receiving, not necessarily taking.

What would you say to that, hm…? What would you tell me, Fleur?

"You'd say… You'd say that the best possible gift I've given you is my unconditional love. I've helped you grow so, so much ever since we first started dating… But even you have technically been in love with me for so much longer than I've been in love with you. Twenty years, Fleur… Twenty years. And tomorrow will make it exactly twenty years since I first told you I love you."

I nodded to myself while I started getting dressed. There are things that I've done for her… She's been giving me more tangible things, _and _her love. I've been giving her the support she needs. That's right. But still…

"Where would I be if I didn't have you…? Would I even still _be? _I don't know. You're always the first one I think about when I wake up every morning and go to sleep at night. Your loyalties never wavered for me. And even now…you think I'm angry at you. Those damned potions…"

And as I slipped on my tuxedo jacket last and watched the rain pour in the dark night, I smoothed my collar down and stared at what little of my reflection I could see in the window. I actually look good… I feel confident. I do feel good, even if things aren't exactly pristine at the moment. I wonder if Chanel's alright… I did call her before I got in the shower but she didn't pick up. Well I'm sure she's fine.

I just need to worry about Fleur right now. More just needs to be done to get rid of these aftereffects, that's all. We'll be fine. Just fine…

* * *

And here I was again, walking up the small flight of stairs to that building in this pouring rain. My peripheral vision wasn't working, and any self-conscious feelings about people staring at me were null and void. The sound of these spinning doors squeaking a bit and moving against the wind vibrated low in my ears, deep in my heart, reminding me just how slow my heartbeats were right now.

Unknown, inappropriate feelings were swarming through me while my eyes adjusted to the bright building. Ivory marble floor, toffee marble walls, very high ceiling, extremely stuck up people mingling about… I swallowed air and felt my heart flip flopping around in my stomach for all I knew while I kept looking around for her…

A glimpse of her beauty, anywhere. She said she'd be here… I want her to see me now. I want to impress her. I want her to be on the receiving end for once. Everyone in this room obviously recognized me from the way they were swarming me, but I tried to keep on the move while I looked around in a near daze for my husband. Fleur…where are you…?

Or is she just…teasing me…again? This is insanity! I keep doing the same thing over and over and over, expecting a different outcome from her! This is ridiculous! Ridiculous, stupid, absurd—

"Fashionably late, as always," Dorothy said, out of nowhere while she tried to pull me by the arm somewhere. Where _did _she come from…? "Where have you been all this time? I know you technically have no work to do, but everyone's _dying _to meet the C.E.O. of Fleur's main company! Now let me—"

"Not…not now, Dorothy…" I shook my head at the déjà vu moment and kept on with my search.

"Hermione!"

And again, she didn't follow me. I kept walking around, searching for Fleur. I feel like I've lost my mind now that she's not here… I feel like it's futile trying to look for it, but I'm still looking anyway. She has it, and my heart, my body and soul for all I know. Maybe that's why I feel so dead without her here. Maybe that's why I'm so confused, jumbling up memories and feelings that I have but shouldn't be remembering and feeling.

I stopped right when I got to a toffee pillar in the room and I could see my reflection. This was almost like when we were in that shop in Japan. Her rubbing my cheek with hers so playfully, affectionately while we looked in that mirror on our box… A lone dust speck floated through my vision and I wondered for a moment if that's what I was right now. Just a dust speck without her.

Why am I driving myself insane like this? I'm rich now, Goddamnit. She's _supposed _to accept me now that I've outdone her!

"Hermione! Hermione, there you are! So good to see you!"

Harry spun me around, and he and Ginny, once again, made me walk with them while they chatted away about their random Quidditch achievements and incredulity that I was actually wearing a suit. I walked in between them like a mindless idiot, still craning my head around for Fleur in between nodding politely and pretending to listen to their banter.

God, if anything they'd understand that I can barely stand on two feet without my Fleur… What the hell is going on with me though? This ring I'm wearing… Aren't we married…?

Um…

"Hermione, hey!" Ron… Ron? RON! "I've been callin' you for the past two days but you haven't picked up! We were worried about you! Spiffy suit, by the way—"

"You were worried about me!"

"Err…well yeah."

"You… You… You! You're marrying Fleur and you say you've been worried about me?"

"What…? Hello, earth to Hermione? Fleur 'n you—"

"No, no I don't want to hear it!"

"Maybe she's just had too much to drink, Ron," Ginny said sadly. I was about to retort, but something else caught my eye.

This room had very high ceilings, and I barely noticed that the very top had glass to allow the viewer to see the night sky. The rain clouds weren't in the exact spot I was looking at, and I swear I saw a shooting star. It's funny… I started thinking about how Fleur and I always seem to be chasing each other across the universe…

And then I looked down and saw exactly what I've been chasing all this time…

_Gaze into her killing jar, I'd sometimes stare for hours  
she even poked the holes so I can breathe.  
She bought the last line  
I'm just the worst kind  
of guy to argue  
with what you might find.  
And for the last night I lie  
could I lie next to you?_

"Good evening, Hermione."

I swallowed and nearly felt my red face float clear off my head while Fleur leaned a little on Harry and gave me a very alluring smile. Her hair was up in a perfect bun, exactly how she had it during the Yule Ball. She pointed up to the ceiling and winked at me. I cocked my head to the side; so she was watching, too…

Sweat was threatening to start beading on my forehead while Harry, Ron and Ginny kept trying to speak to me in the background, but their voices were just buzzing. All of it was. Everything but Fleur's presence was distorted…

"You look very handsome tonight."

And I just realized I haven't seen Fleur in a dress in years… Not counting our dream. It went right to her ankles and dragged a little on the floor, elegantly of course. She added a very high slit, and it looked elegant really. Not slutty at all. So…beautiful…just like her… Flows and tresses everywhere, deep neckline, pearly white, _very _couture…and…wait a minute!

"Didn't I make that dress for you…?"

"Why yes, you did. Ah, it's been nearly twenty years, hasn't it? And that suit, Hermione. Mmm. Very interesting. Our backup wedding attire, don't you think?"

"Y-yes… Um…"

"Hm?"

"W-would you…like to dance…?"

I held out my hand to her and everyone and everything else but the floor underneath our feet and her stunning self dissolved. She smiled. Dazzlingly. Then she bowed her head a little before placing her velvety palm over mine and squeezed it affectionately, then we were off.

There was a very unorthodox song playing that was just ending while I led her over to the dance area. My stomach kept knotting up, untangling itself, then knotting right back up again while I tried to keep my breathing under control. Her hand was in mine… we were going to dance. Dancing…

"Nervous, love?"

"Uhm…well… I um…haven't done any ballroom dancing in a while. Especially not to the kind of music that's been playing."

"Punk rock. Mmm, yes, very strange but these _are _Quidditch players throwing this gathering. Just go with it, hm? And I know you have a wild, romantic side under this suit of yours… Show off to everyone. Lead me."

"A-alright…"

_Long…ago…  
just like the hearse…you…die to get in again  
we are…  
so far…  
from  
you_

Well…we started off simple – my hand on her waist, hers on my shoulder, our free ones interlaced. I decided to wait until the song picked up before I did anything _wild; _that and I needed time to figure out what the hell that even meant. I had us generally follow everyone else with simple diagonal steps forward, and she mirrored me.

I don't know why I kept having a tendency to look down at my feet… Every time I did, I blushed; my gaze somehow found its way to Fleur's chest, but she'd just chuckle each time it happened. I'm rather disadvantaged here, being shorter than her if I'm supposed to be leading her. But she seemed to be enjoying herself, so I suppose it was fine…

_**Burning on!  
Just like a match  
you  
strike to incinerate  
the lives  
of everyone  
you  
know!**_

_**And what's the worst  
you  
take  
from every heart  
you  
break?**_

_**And like the blade  
you  
stain!  
Well I've been holding  
on  
tonight!**_

A signal went off in my head and I lifted our hands up to spin her around, and she went as if she'd anticipated it all along. We let go of each other completely and stayed at arm's length. She mirrored my movement of pretending to fall into quickly her a bit and bent back. She bent forward quickly, I moved right back. A smile was right on her face the entire time while I did my best to lead her as _wildly _and _romantically _as I could.

Out our arms went at our sides, our legs spread out a bit, and our heads turned to the side in the opposite direction; mirror, mirror, mirror. We both kept up a side step for a moment before I took her hand and spun her again, marveling how she knew to make her body go first and have her head after. We let go of each other, spun around on our own, and I fell into her and she bent back.

I was simply…amazed by her. The smile that finally found its way on my face told her over and over again the whole time, and we never once broke eye contact unless to spin around.

_**Came a time  
when every star  
fall  
brought you to tears again  
we are  
the very hurt  
you  
sold**_

_**And what's the worst  
you  
take  
from every heart  
you  
break?**_

And like a blade  
you  
stain  
well I've been holding  
on  
tonight!

She got on the tips of her toes, even in her heels, to twirl a bit like a ballerina while I bent down to hug her waist a little, smelling my way round her while I held her and took a few steps around her. Was she _really _wearing that Britney Spears perfume…? Honestly… By this point, I was laughing, even from all of the positive attention we were receiving; we had the floor to ourselves now.

I let go of her and took a few steps back while I let her hold on to my hand while I bent down a little. My cheeks were hurting a little from grinning so much, and she was lit up nicely too from her dazzling smile. Out my other arm went behind me while I stood in profile for her to let go of my hand and walk towards me. She hopped up a little, and I caught her with both arms while I spun her around, her leg extended out and foot pointed pristinely while she moved to kiss me on my burning cheek.

I blushed even more if I wasn't doing it before while I willed myself to hold on to her underneath her thigh and around her waist while I spun her just a little more… It took nearly all my strength to bend down and dip her, and she did indeed bend back and throw her head back with her leg still erect so beautifully while I grinned down at her. She smiled right back, too.

Simply exquisite, Fleur… Perfection personified, you are…

_**What's the worst thing I can say?  
Things are better if I stay!  
So long  
and goodnight!  
So long and goodnight!**_

_**And if you carry on this way  
things are better if I stay!  
So long  
and goodnight!  
So long and goodnight…**_

I did everything I could to hold back my need to heave for breaths while I made sure to gracefully help her back to a standing position. She held me close while she had one leg on the floor as far as it would go behind me, and she moved her face down to just put her parted mouth over my lips while she moved her leg behind her after lifting it _nearly _all the way up like a pirouette. I was dumbfounded and baffled by her flexibility while we spread apart again.

Something in her eyes broke, though it was subtle… I took hold of both of her hands, and she gripped them and had our wrists cross over each other while we slowly started to gather momentum to spin in a circle together on the spot. I know my smile was gone, and she was still _trying _to smile, but I could tell, little by little, it was becoming lost on her…

_Can…you…  
hear…me…  
are…you…  
near…me…_

_Can we…pretend…  
to leave…and then…  
we'll meet…again…_

_When both…our…__**cars…COLLIDE!**_

I stomped my foot down and stopped the spinning when I saw her eyes glistening; she came right to me and we were as close as humanly possible while our palms of one hand stayed pressed together and I held on to her other one as affectionately as I could. We stayed there and heaved for breaths; I was searching her eyes, memorizing the feel and warmth of her palm and fingers trembling on both of my own. People were clapping, cheering, whistling… But none of it mattered if the woman before me wasn't smiling. Something was festering inside of me too, but I didn't know what.

Fleur was looking at me fearfully while we were both entangled in the feel of our chests falling and rising at the same time. This was it. I knew she was probably going to run from me now, even though she didn't _want _to. It's this stupid magic in this damned city…

People came out of nowhere with cameras and started taking millions of pictures while I regarded Fleur sternly. She was trying to glare back, for the cameras. I let my mind roam back to that runway so many years ago and slipped my hand up her dress; more flashing seemingly came out of nowhere while I kept my hand on her hip. I let go of her hand and brought it to the back of her head so she could rest it on top of mine while we faced the cameras. It all felt so familiar in a mesmerizing way, really.

But more needed to be done…

"Don't run this time."

And just as I predicted, she moved her hand down to the one I had up her dress and inched it away. I did my damndest to fight the tugs of the magic in this stupid city while I nodded to her and took a step back. The crowd around us parted for her while she turned her back to me and walked to the exit, probably confused about why I nodded. She's probably confused as to why I'm letting her go right now.

The cameras clicking and the people talking excitedly faded into nothingness while I only let the slow, deliberate sounds of her heels clicking against the marble reverberate in my mind. I watched her dress sashay along with her, I watched her shoulders move so confidently as she walked, I even reveled in how delectable her back looked almost swaying from side to side with her hips. Fleur was holding something in though; even if her stride screamed of perfection, she wasn't glowing nearly as much as she should have been. And she hasn't been glowing…not since we got to this city.

And when she got to the spinning doors, she stopped. Her head and shoulders turned while she settled one hand on the handle. And when she made eye contact with me, my entire body felt like it was flipped upside down with stimulation. She tried to look stern, but I knew better… The second she relaxed her face, I relaxed mine. The millisecond I felt myself blushing again, she blushed, too… Fleur blushed…

As we stood so far away, our mouths automatically started mouthing our wedding song. That do, do, do, do, do, _do…_do… I know she still loves me, then… But she's still confused. Insecure. Unsure. And that's okay…

Nothing is perfect in this world, not even us. Our love right now is destructive; it's demolishing us right now. And it's demolishing her heart, or at least this magic is…

Which is why I'm not surprised she took off her heels and rushed out into the rain. This wasn't a game of teasing anymore, but I almost thought it was. And of course, I ran right after her. This was just an instance of us _pretending _to leave, only to meet again. When both our cars collide..? Maybe not that literal. But no matter what, I'll always be after her.

God knows I will…


	94. Les Demolition Lovers

Still December 16th

_**XCVII. **__Les Demolition Lovers_

_(Fleur's POV)_

I literally savored the old feeling of my bare feet on cement through this pouring rain. No one was out at this time of night, no one was driving down this street, but maybe I just couldn't see them. This familiar feeling of my senses becoming more acute under this stress almost made me believe that someone far away was screaming; it was just like the other day when I was running through the streets like a lunatic. But that's _not _important right now…

This game of running, chasing each other, teasing, pleasing, even in this freezing rain; it seems like we keep spinning into a spiral of repetition and only hoping for resolutions that never seem to come for us. She _could _just apparate in front of me and stop me in my tracks… I _could _just disapparate if getting away from her was the whole point of me running. But it's not…it never is… There is no POINT to this…any of this…

Love is just a synonym for putting up with people. Their faults, their beauties, their failures and what they have to offer you; it makes them…them. Hermione resigned herself long ago to staying on my ass no matter what I do. It seems like I haven't grown up after all these years if I'm once again out of breath but I'm still going and going in this freezing thunderstorm… It seems like nothing's changed, but _everything _is different now. The only thing that's the same is that she's chasing me out of love…not just frustration.

That building kept making me switch personalities like TV channels. Flip; Fleur's haughty now. Flip; Fleur's an amazing dancer now. Flip; Fleur is trying to _read_ Hermione. And flip; Fleur's insecure but still loves Hermione anyway… But isn't that love? Even if it is this stupid city playing tricks on my mind and toying with me so easily like I'm just some puppet, our _love _still stands.

My head and heart aren't fuzzy anymore now that I'm out in this familiar place, under such familiar circumstances. Hearing Hermione right on me is my oxygen. Hearing the stomp of her expensive shoes and that sentimental tuxedo swishing on her makes me wonder just how distressed she thinks I am.

Confusion, distress, drama, problems, insecurities, faults, mistakes, tears, fear, anger, blindness, recklessness – I have it… all of it… But so does Hermione. And yet we're still running because the one emotion, feeling, _lifeline _of ours that we have between each other, even if it does envelop such negative necessities, is still strong between us. It's keeping me going, letting me focus on my thoughts instead of how goddamn tired I no doubt am…

But I swear…after tonight I don't want to do anymore running. I'm…sick of the madness. I've hurt her in too many ways all these years, even if she doesn't spite me for it. I want to keep our fire going, but in very…_different_ ways.

In all honesty, we're too old for this…

And so I tried to take one last breath to remember how much I deathly appreciate Hermione still running after me with all her might while I disapparated.

She'll find me.

* * *

_(Hermione's POV)_

I nearly had a heart attack when Fleur popped away, but where _else _would she go besides my room or her house? If she didn't even look back at me, then she must seriously be scared right now. A bout of frustration with…everything settled inside of me while I made myself disapparate to a secluded spot just by her mansion.

I stood there for a moment, _still _getting drenched while I tried to catch my breath. I know I should have yelled something out to her while I could, but the simple truth is that I'm out of shape. Coughing and wheezing was all I could do for maybe five minutes; that's how tired I am…

We're too old for this…

What the hell does she want from me now? Declarations? Romantic speeches? Sex? NO this is _not _teasing despite this stupid tug my mind is still getting from this idiotic magic in the air! Apparently more still needs to be done, but this doesn't seem right. How are my actions that have seemingly no direct effect on _magic _supposed to make it go away just like that? If she says she loves me again, and yet she's still acting strangely, then there must be more.

Once I could finally stand without needing to have my hands on my knees, I walked right up to Fleur's front door. I looked all the way up to a window where it looked like there was a light on. Desperation and genuine confusion were ringing in my head. What exactly am I expected to do…? Prove to her that I love her, _again, _even though she knows?

At this point, it wasn't about the stupid magic or my possible confusion – this was my chance to _do _something for her. I know she's up there… I _know _she is…

"I did it, Fleur! I DID IT! I _chased _you down that street, found you here! What else do you want me to do? What else do you want me to say! There is NOTHING I wouldn't do for you! Do you hear me! I'm standing out here in this f-_freezing _rain, trying to tell you that!

"I'll gladly take your hand in mine and look into your icy blues, and then I'd say to you that we could take on anything! I'd end my days with you even in a hail of bullets like this bloody rain! Goddamnit Fleur! I'm trying here! I'm trying… To let you know just how much you mean to me… And after all the things we put each other through! I'd go on to the end with you! Anywhere!

"There's nothing left to do in this world except _prove _myself to you! And no matter how damn TIRED I am, I'll keep on running! But this time, I mean it! I'll let you know just how much you mean to me! You always will! Until the end of everything and then some!"

I stood heaving for breath yet again while I saw what looked like Fleur so high up, looking down at me from her room. She can hear me… I know she can. And yet she just keeps…looking at me. Watching me. I kicked at a puddle by my feet while I clasped my hands to my heart, never breaking eye contact.

Why is this all so confusing and frustrating and tiring and mind-boggling? Why can't things just be simple between us? I know I shouldn't have a problem telling her how much I love her, but _proving _it over and over and over when we already KNOW the truth between us is too much!

I'm tired of all of this…

"This love between us won't end, Fleur! It's burning! I'M burning, for you! I will be, forever and ever! I'm showing you NOW that you're the only one! Even when I'm falling, giving up on everything, I'll see your eyes…your smile… You, Fleur! YOU! I LOVE YOU! How many times do I have to say it, and NOT with just those three words? We VOWED until _death _do us part! Nothing's changed! I MEAN THIS! _**FOREVER!**__"_

And then she just disappeared behind the damn curtain, like I was only reciting some stupid nursery rhyme or something! _Not _screaming to the howling winds and roaring thunder and biting rain how much I love her! Well Goddamnit! For all I know she's probably enjoying this! Fleur getting a kick out of my struggling is just to be expected, even this late in the game right? UGH!

My foot kicked the stupid puddle by my feet again right before the door opened and someone yanked me inside. My heart was going off and pounding out of my chest from the surprise, but this person was not Fleur.

This person looked like a very, very _angry _version of Fleur, though…


	95. Last Stairway to Heaven

December 16th

_**XCIX. **__Last Stairway to Heaven_

_(Chanel's POV)_

Hermione damn near assaulted me with a hug not two seconds after she locked the door behind her. She was soaked, cold, shivering, and really fucking oblivious to everything, and I wasn't in the mood for affection right now. I didn't put my arms around her and she let go of me, noting to herself by her apologetic expression that she got my shirt and jeans, and even my shoes wet. Anything else she said was lost on me; I didn't care. It really doesn't help that I heard Fleur come downstairs.

She changed her clothes to that same old outfit of theirs by the sound of her shoes and jeans swishing just seconds before. I don't think she said anything. I'm not obliged to care if she did, anyway.

"Hermione, take me to your suite. You need to get your things; that area isn't safe right now."

"H-how do you—"

"Not now, I'll explain later."

"Okay… Fleur, come with us?"

"Of course…"

I clenched my jaw and realized how sore my eyes were when Hermione held me again so we could disapparate to her room. Fleur popped right next to us just seconds later, and any attempts she made at trying to talk to me went right over my head. I was too busy trying to listen to _something else _I bet she couldn't even hear.

Screaming… Someone was screaming somewhere nearby. Hermione was essentially done shrinking everything, and I smoothed my hands over my pockets to make sure I had my guns and wand. I went over to the window while she was busy changing clothes and squinted my eyes to look down at the windows of the building across the street. This city can't make up its mind about the fucking weather; now it's snowing. But Draco didn't leave a note or anything, and Squall told me that he has no idea where the man is… Hell, he never tells me anything anymore!

There was no room to panic right now; I was impervious to the feeling anyway. I heard one of them trying to approach me, Fleur probably. I'm really…_not _in the mood to listen to her apologies. But of course, as soon as I try to apparate down to the building, she _and _Hermione put their hands on my shoulders at the exact same time.

Well, if they wanna get involved then whatever. It's not my problem.

They obviously heard the damn screaming now while I knelt down by one of the windows and tried to look inside. _Trying? _Fuck this; I have a wand for a reason.

"_Confringo!"_

The window broke, and sure enough, I could barely see a head of blond hair on the floor in the dark room. He was writhing and screaming, sounding like he was dying or some shit.

Goddamn you, Josie…

"_Accio Draco!"_

I backed up a little so he could be Summoned to the ground instead of straight at me, but he obviously didn't want to do that; he ended up crawling around on the ground like a rat trying to get away from a cat or something, and he only stopped screaming to whimper while he held Hermione around her legs. She and Fleur were trying to talk to him, but I was busy listening in on something else.

Why the fuck would Draco be stuck in a basement, screaming for his life? Josie's ass is behind this, and she must have a goddamn death wish if she's messing with me like this. I kept trying to listen for something else…anything.

Something was clicking. Tick, tock, tick, tock… And it was coming from this hotel building, just like I knew she'd do…

"Hold on to me now!"

Everyone did as I said immediately and I apparated somewhere, I don't know where, right when the fucking bomb went off. I didn't hear it, but all I saw was an explosion starting right by the front doors… Alright, so _that _scared the fuck out of me… Draco was whimpering again and trying to latch on to my leg, but I shook him off while I walked away a bit and looked around.

We were in a subway station. If I didn't know any better, it felt like something unnatural made me direct my apparition to this place… It was empty down here, very white, and very…quiet. It was unsettling how silent it was here. There was something in here keeping me from apparating, too… My temples were pulsing too fast from that explosion for me to listen in on anything properly, but I kept trying anyway.

Nothing. There was a subway coming, but I didn't hear anything out of the ordinary. I turned around to look at everyone, and they were frozen.

What the…?

"Hop on the next subway with me, yeah? They can come too."

Cool metal was on my throbbing temple, and her colder chains were against my shoulder blades. I tried to keep calm and just nodded while the subway got nearer. My eyebrows and face hurt from scowling so much, but I didn't want her to think I was scared; I know she could see my face.

So Josie managed to get me, huh…

I was looking right past Hermione's head, and I nearly felt sick from how scared her face looked in my peripheral vision. Fleur's, too… Draco was still on the ground clutching Hermione's legs, saying something, but all I could hear were my heartbeats echoing in my head. I know Josie wouldn't kill me if she's all soft with me now. She wouldn't pull this trigger. No one can tell that I have a gun in my pocket, and she clearly can't if she hasn't tried to jack it from me. I've been in this position plenty of times before…so it's no big deal to me.

But it _is_ a big fucking deal if any of those three die…

The subway finally came to a stop behind me, and Josie moved her gun from my head to point it at the others to make them come on board. She backed inside with me and they followed, and all the while I kept trying to just stay aware of my surroundings, keep cool, and look for loopholes in her plans. I've done this plenty of times before, and I'm still alive. I'm still alive. They will be too, even if they're obviously scared right now.

It was empty in here too… _Too _empty though. Josie had the others sit down while she kept her gun pointed at my head, but I felt it tremble every few seconds. She was trying so hard to keep it stable. I just looked straight ahead, tuning everything out except for any other strange sounds. I have plenty of experience…and Josie knows. I've helped Squall reduce her group to a mere twenty, and I'm sure by the look of things that there are even less people still alive now.

The others were still too piss scared to say anything. Draco didn't even dare whimper. Josie had me stand right in front of the others, my side to them, while she stood right in front of me and instead kept her gun on the bridge of my nose. I stood tall and proud, and a funny part of me humored myself in thinking I was showing off to Hermione and Draco. Fleur…she's just learning what she taught me to become. But now's not the time to think about that.

Calm thoughts, calm thoughts, focus…

"Well aren't you the bravest little girl on earth…?"

"It's called not being stupid, Josie."

"Think so?"

"I know so."

She looked a little…deranged. And haggard. Her clothes were kinda torn, her old Vans were bloody, but she didn't seem to have any injuries herself. I kept my eyes on hers, and she looked almost shocked that I was still so calm even with a gun right in my face. But this isn't anything new and she knows it. No, she hasn't done this to me before, but her other guys have.

"Josie, what are you doing? Don't tell me your group's finished or some bullshit."

"I'll give Squall credit…he got me. But I'm still here…don't forget."

"Last time I checked, you have a big lesbian crush on me—"

"Shut up! Just shut up, alright? F-fuck… D-don't forget I can blow your head off right fucking now, Chanel!"

"Don't fucking flatter yourself. If you wanted me dead so badly, you would have killed me already."

"Just say the word, Princess…"

"You're alone now. You've lost. You blew up that hotel to try and kill Draco at least, but that didn't work. I fucked up your plans. I've been doing this to you for a year straight. Squall did a pre-emptive on your ass for taking his man. And now I'm the only thing standing in your way of freedom. You could just kill my parents now. But I know that's what this isn't about."

"N-no…it's not…"

"What…? You wanna kiss me, Josie…? Kiss me now before you go live the rest of your life in hiding? Do you _want _me, Josie Gonzalez? Such a damn shame you can't have me if I'm dead, now isn't it…?"

"Fuck you, g-godamnit…"

"Go on… Do it. Do it, Josie! Do it, do it, do it! You know you want me; I'm so fine, I'm so fine, I'm so fine I blow your mind! _You _kill _gays_ cuz you just can't resist my sexy _seventeen-year-old_ ass, hm?"

Big bad Josie didn't say anything. Well, all those months of singing to Hermione probably did wonders for me, I must say! She just kept scowling at me, and her lips were quivering. Who cares if the others were watching…? I have no idea what I want to do with this woman, but kissing honestly isn't on my list of possible options. I didn't even consider killing her; I've been trained to only use my guns to threaten, not kill.

I've gone this long without fearing death…might as well keep it up. Josie wouldn't shoot me; she's heaving with a disgusting desire as it is now. Sickening…

_I need a sexy, dangerous bitch. Not a nice girl. Someone who can challenge me…physically._

Mmm…funny, funny, funny… The only woman I stumble upon who's like that is a pedophile.

To hell with love, I swear…

"You know what, Chanel! Not all of us are heartless and fearless like you are! If you gotta know, then yeah, that's why I like you so damn much! I make mistakes, I fuck up, I try to hide my true self. But now that it comes down to everything…I can't _be _in denial anymore. I am weak, you have power over me even though I'm the one with the gun, and it's pissing me off! Why the hell aren't you scared like they are?"

"You said it yourself; I'm heartless and fearless. Doesn't get much simpler than that, sugar."

"Why, though…? Why?"

"Fucking why? Look at you. You're the one holding a gun to a kid's face. And you dare call yourself wanting to do the same to my parents. Fuck you. Honestly, you're pissing me off so much that I don't care if you kill me now."

"You're just like me."

"I beg to differ."

"Nah… I kinda see it. You've never experienced love so you just don't care about your life anymore. If I'm dead…where does that leave you? What else do you have to live for if you're not out on those streets with Squall every night? Alright so maybe you'd finish school…but that's what's expected of you, ain't it? Is that what you want? To follow the rest of society and do what's expected? Or will you try and make every day count…live it like it's your last…?"

"You've been in denial all of your life because you call yourself being against people who go against society and _don't _do what's expected. And I know what I want in life; don't try to play mind games with me."

"But you're still so…alone. Aren't you?"

"I'm not."

Josie said nothing. I kept my eyes on her, but I noticed that her gold chain was glowing way too much… The silence on this subway was very thin minus the friction against the tracks. It was coming to a stop soon, anyway.

She's right about one thing though; I _have _been living every day like it's my last. Might as well keep it up while I can.

"Go on, Josie."

"What…?"

"Kiss me."

"Don't bullshit me, man…"

"I gave you permission to kiss me."

"I'm not buying it!"

"Hm? You're confused and scared now that I'm submitting to you? Then what's the point in having a _gun _to my face? And here I thought you were so smart."

"No…"

"Do it, do it, do it!"

"NO!"

"I'm Josie, me, me, me and I'm _scaaaaared!"_

"At least I HAVE kissed someone, and _NOT _my fucking mother!"

…how the hell did she know about that? I couldn't even think of anything to say. Her words froze me. The subway finally stopped, and she pushed the gun against my face to make me back out, threatening the others to follow her quietly. But they were gone for all I knew.

I kept scowling at her while she made me walk backwards out of this station, not even warning me that there were _stairs _behind me. I used my heel to guide myself up, still wracking my brain how the fuck she could have found out about that. The only time I admitted anything out in the open was to Ron, but that wasn't direct…

She's been spying on me all this time and I didn't even notice…?

Out the station I went, and of course the place we ended up in was devoid of any people; just snow for miles. But now that I'm trying to ignore the biting cold, her gun seems oddly light…and her chain keeps glowing too much. I looked down at it, but she made the mistake of trying to pull the trigger a little to scare me, but there was no sound. Her gun is empty, but she probably thinks I can't tell.

We ended up in a park or something, and she finally let me stop. Hermione had her wand out, pointing it at Josie, and I tried to not look at her. Draco looked like he was trying to convince her to put it down, but she obviously wasn't listening. I didn't dare look at Fleur, though. No.

But Josie's chain… I wonder if that's what's containing that magic from those potions. It keeps glowing too much, and she _would _have on something like that.

I dug my feet in the snow while Josie lowered her _empty _gun and looked down at her chain. She fiddled with it for a moment, but I kept my eyes on hers. Hermione still had her wand pointed at her. Even Draco did the same. Fleur was standing still, but I didn't want to see what else she was doing. Not even the truth that she knew everything now could faze me, though. I don't know if I was that pissed off at her, or if I just _couldn't _care.

My eyes flickered to the side immediately and I ducked; Josie tried to swing at me out of nowhere… Ehh…apparently, she has a death wish, because now she was just blindly swinging at me and I only backed away from her with my hand just above my pocket. There were tears in her eyes, and she was sputtering some jumbled curses and insults at me.

She was…broken. So broken… And she kept telling me that I was the same, but at least I still had my dignity. After doing all of this, after living my life for other people, what the hell do I have? When have I sat down and said that I _want _something? Never.

"G-goddamnit, Chanel! You're just as fucked up as I am! You never grew up with affection, never had anyone to _really _love, and even the only person you've ever really loved was wrong for you! I c-can relate to you! Single parent household for most of my life too! I can tell you didn't have a good childhood! You always look so d-damn cold! Blame your damn dad for that! Blame her! Get pissed, yell, scream, cry! FIX it before you just end up killing your damn dad like I d-did!"

Josie's wild punching kept telling me that with every swish of air she sent flying at my face. When have I ever done something for myself? She kept screaming questions like that to me, over and over, cracking me and just getting me more and more frustrated because she was right and I knew it. She can _relate _to me…

The person to blame for all of this was following us with a deadened expression on her face because she knows Josie's right, too. She knows…

Every single one of Fleur's accusations swarmed through me again. The way she shoved me, the way she treated me, the way she looked at me; even the way she never treated me and the way she NEVER looked at me pissed me off, filling me up with that familiar boiling of anger.

Anger is just danger without a D, as I always say…

I didn't hesitate; I didn't care. I _was _thinking, but I just wanted this to stop. The fucking verbal onslaught was getting to me; both hers _and _Josie's! I'm sick of them, I'm sick of not really _knowing _what I want, and I'm SICK of other people always being able to read me so fucking easily!

My hands reached in both of my pockets and pulled both of my guns out; not me. My _hands _that are sick and tired of fending off horny bastards who I've had to drug with my thrall for information. My HANDS that _don't _shove their kids down and make them think about the FIRST person to ever shove them down fourteen years ago just like that.

But _I _was the one who bent down on one knee and extended my arms all the way out while I crossed my wrists together. Yeah, I'm the one who told myself to keep my guns pointed strong right against the pendant on Josie's chains, because _she's _the one who's been threatening to kill the only two I've been living for all my life. Rage wasn't blinding me, even though Hermione and Draco ran to my sides because they probably couldn't believe what I was doing. They were smart to keep their distance though.

I felt Fleur's hollow eyes burning holes in mine, but I didn't look at her. I kept my eyes on this glowing chain around the neck of a washed up homophobe. I drowned out the sound of Hermione and Draco telling me not to do this.

I know I hated Josie before, but now…now it's just all too much. It _hurts _how much I hate her. It hurts just to think about how sometimes I could never go to sleep at night because I was scared that she'd done something to my parents. MY safety, MY life, and MY well-being is never on my mind; just theirs…

"You know Chanel… I still look up to you. You've even…figured out my little secret with my chain. Smart kid… I'd still move the whole fucken world for you. I still love you."

I only blinked and she did the unthinkable; she bent down and kissed me, and I couldn't move… She… She's kissing me…? And she's chuckling…? …it's like she _wants _me to kill her. She _wants _to be dead…

I feel nothing for her…but she got her damn deathwish… I was _that _disgusted that I couldn't even move.

Soon she won't be able to, either…

Click, _click_, _BOOM, __**BOOM**__;_ I shot her twice... I _shot _her two MORE times for being right about everything. I shot her FOUR more times for having the gall to still have her lips on mine even though I'm still shooting her! I kept letting my fingers keep repeating that gun fire in my head, over and over again, feeling the freezing air finally take its place over my _TAINTED _lips while I kept thinking of how badly I've wanted to yell my lungs out at Fleur for everything she's done and HASN'T done for me! And I DID!

I _screamed _and felt stings in my eyes and YELLED at the top of my lungs while I kept letting everything out on this woman whose life revolved around taking my only loves away from me. I shouted away any tears that came from letting all of my memories of depression, anger, hurt, loneliness, detachment, and just _giving _and _giving _and _GIVING _my affection to my father who could love her wife just fine, but NOT ME! I tried to tell myself all these years that I just didn't care, but I DO, GODDAMNIT! _I FUCKING CARE!_

I kept shooting Josie because _she IS _my failures incarnate! I don't _want _her to BE _any fucking more! _I kept shooting and shooting despite the blood and her body jerking from every bullet I shot at just more that her chain and lungs and stomach and disgusting heart because this is what I've secretly wanted to do for a year straight! But no… I didn't shoot her in the face. No woman would want to soil her face if she were to die… Hmph…it's funny…

I've been craving to kill all this time and I didn't even know it…

And it still didn't sink in until I'd shot all of my bullets and Josie finally fell to the crimson snow right in front of me…

I pocketed my guns, and I was almost thrown by how normal this all felt. I let out only some of my anger on Josie. As I got out my wand, I completely ignored Hermione's sobbing and Draco trying to speak softly to me. Fleur was still as ever, but I didn't look at her. I didn't look at anyone. We were the only ones out here.

Still, Squall taught me well…

"_Incendio!"_

Josie's body was set aflame and stayed like that for a moment, steadily turning into ashes. And you know what? I kept watching because I finally felt accomplished. I _have _done something with my life. I'm probably pretty damn twisted for not feeling anything right now except for some kind of accomplishment.

My parents' lives weren't being threatened anymore, and I've repaid them for what they've done for me, even if I'm _furious _at one of them right now. Watching these flames slowly die, even with a scowl on my face, _is _liberating.

No guilt, no pain, no fear… Nothing. I looked up at Fleur just before the body of what used to be a madwoman turned to almost nothing. _She _looked guilty. She most certainly did. But what the fuck does it matter…

"_Evanesco!"_

And now the ashes were gone. Josie was gone. The blood, that snow; no more. Danger was gone. But my anger wasn't. Killing Josie didn't do anything but stroke my ego at the most. Hermione and Draco were hugging me, both of them in tears. Fleur just walked right to where Josie was laying seconds ago and stood there, almost egging me on by how pathetic she looked. My eyelids felt stone hard around my eyes while I watched her with a stone hard scowl. Even my eyes hurt from trying so hard to nearly _drown _her with rage out in this freezing cold.

Pathetic… Just…_pathetic…_

"You're _pathetic, _Fleur. Just…fucking…weak. Do you see me right now? DO YOU SEE ME? You're just f-fucking standing there! You stood there just now and watched me! I'M LOSING MY MIND! And you just STAND there and STARE as my world divides! Are you even able to _sympathize _with anyone if not Hermione!"

I pushed Hermione and Draco off of me and closed the distance between Fleur and me; she flinched. Even though she was only an inch taller than me, she flinched.

That just really made me…snap…

"What's this…? Fleur Delacour, master of manipulation and flirting and intimidation and _CONTROL_ when she was but my age is scared of her own daughter? You saw me in that subway; I learned from the best. I've completely lost myself…and I don't mind. I don't care. Isn't there something wrong with that! Isn't there? What the hell, Fleur? Why do you always take everything out on ME when all my life I've been making it so that you're always taken care of?

"WHY is it that you never learn your lesson about how you're hurting people unless they get in your face? WHY can't you learn anything from your observations, man up to your mistakes, and let everyone involved just move on with their lives? You KNOW I've been pissed off for all these years, but I kept it in. I told myself I was wrong to even THINK I was pissed off at you, so I played the perfect daughter role because I didn't want YOU to be upset and angry with me! I always thought YOU had to be right! What the hell do I know! I'm just a kid, right!

"You're too stuck up! You're pompous and cold and heartless and BLIND when it comes to me! OH, but if I had dark chocolate brown hair and an English accent you'd be all over me! Well GODDAMNIT I'M _NOT _HERMIONE! THAT'S really why I hated her all these years! I was jealous and upset and pissed off that you showed her WAY more affection than you've ever shown me, and yet I'M the one that's technically been in your life for longer than she has!

"Do you see these tears in my eyes? Do you HEAR the rage in my voice? Do you know how DISGUSTED I was with myself when I started to realize I was in love with my own mother? Infatuation with a distant parent, Fleur! AND NO, I never told you because I knew you'd think differently of me! I KNEW you'd just judge me! Do you know who ended up finding out about it? RON! RON was the one who had the balls to figure out why I'm always so pissed off at the world! You never noticed, you never bothered, and you just never CARED!

"Even though I have WAY too many memories of…of you essentially having SEX with _me, _I could never feel anything for you but the TYPICAL love a kid should have for her parent! But even that's p-probably manufactured! I don't even know if I've really cared about you all these years, or if I made myself feel that way because I was blind and naïve!

"I'm PAST the point about caring if I'm disrespecting you right now! I DO appreciate what you HAVE done for me! THAT'S why I joined Squall's goddamn mafia! TO PROTECT YOU! So what if I'm only seventeen, spending the last few minutes until I'm an adult like this? I feel like I've done something now, even if it is vile! I've gone and KILLED the only one who was able to look that deep inside of me, someone who could RELATE to me! And you know what? I DON'T CARE IF SHE'S DEAD! I don't CARE if I sent her limping up a stairway to heaven or hell for all she's done! But this ISN'T _about _her!

"YOU, Fleur! You never showed me affection! You always shied away from it, and I don't know why! All of my years of trying to tell myself I didn't care were wasted! They've just settled into cynicism now, and I'll be damned if you or ANYONE could ever fix this! How DARE you accuse me of all that shit the other day! In a CHURCH, no less! Whose fault is all of that, Fleur?

"WHOSE FAULT IS IT? Hermione's? NO! YOURS! I bet you anything you're jealous that I obviously love Hermione WAY more than I love you! YES YOU HEARD ME RIGHT! I LOVE YOU! But have you ever _told_ me this? NO! And n-now I'm sobbing like a fucking LOSER, ALL because you never t-told me! I'm SICK of pretending! I'm tired, Fleur! I'M TIRED! OF EVERYTHING! AND THAT INCLUDES YOU!"

My fists pounded against her shoulders just like I've been trying to do metaphorically nearly all my life while I cried on her chest that I didn't even know was on my face… This damn wall… All she is to me is a wall… A wall that finally grew _warm _arms instead of freezing ones… She had us apparate away to the warmth of her room, the comfort of her bed and duvet while I bit her shirt and kept myself from screaming how much I hate her for always being stronger than me.

I hate that I'm crying so hard that sweat is beading all over my face and my whole body is shaking if I even _have _a body anymore… But I feel my heart pounding out of my chest and I hear my temples throbbing and I feel my lungs aching for breath… How long have I kept all of this inside…? I don't even know anymore… I don't know…

She actually held me tight when all I kept saying was that I hate her for being so strong and weak at the same time… I kept telling her I wanted to _die _because I feel stupid for not being normal, for being over-dramatic, for…_feeling… _I could barely breathe from crying so damn hard. But she just held me…without saying a word.

And it wasn't until I finally stopped crying that she told me. It wasn't until I started to accept that I was eighteen now, and still sleeping in her arms that she told me. Such…perfect timing.

"I love you, Chanel… I know how it feels to ache to hear it…I did exactly twenty years ago. I won't bother you with excuses… I'm just so…so sorry…"

A kiss, a kill, two arms and three words changed me that morning. But some things will always stay the same… I don't know how or the exact second when, but I grew up in her arms. _That _never changed… I could have gone down a dangerous path, despite what I've done, but Josie did help me see that I've been going about everything all wrong. Did I thank her by killing her…? Maybe… Seems kind of sad, though…

But I guess that's just the way the story goes…


	96. Lose Control

December 25th; Home sweet home.

_**C. **__Lose Control_

_(Fleur's POV)_

Watching the blizzard outside our window that night from our bed helped to put my mind at ease. I even had Noel in my arms under my chin, and I still smile from time to time when I remember how attached Hermione's grown to him. I guess I have too. He's helped us through a lot.

I quit my job. The runway was canceled for obvious reasons. Hermione closed Eyevine until the next fall after she's done training Chanel over the summer. Chanel's going to take over the company for us, and she doesn't want us to work anymore. I didn't know she had any aspirations of being in the fashion industry at all, but she joked and said that maybe she'll end up falling for her Vice President. I wouldn't be surprised if that ended up happening, really.

A lot happened last week. I happened. Hermione did. Chanel did. Ending of lives happened, changed minds; decisions for the better… I'm surprised I'm able to lay here without fretting over anything anymore. Christmas at the Burrow earlier was…memorable. It's been so long since everyone's been back together under one roof like that. And there's a certain person I'm talking about when I say _everyone, _really…

Hermione was taking a shower, and I was just lying on top of the duvet with nothing on, thinking. She said she wants to talk when she gets out, so we're going to talk. We've kind of just been letting everything slide, pretending that nothing happened. But I only did that for a few days before talking to Chanel alone.

Last night while Hermione and Draco went on their annual dinner date thing, Chanel and I were home alone. I cooked dinner for us and she enchanted the walls and ceilings into the night sky like I did for Hermione all those years ago, for old time's sake.

The conversation we had was one that I don't think I'll ever be able to forget.

"_Fleur?"_

"_Hm?"_

"_What were you thinking about…? You know, last week."_

"_Last week… I just…couldn't believe that you were so calm, saying the things you said, doing the things you did… You were a stranger to me. A very…courageous stranger. I had no right to say the things I said to you in that church. If I'd known that you were…risking your life every night for me, then I would have held my tongue."_

"_You're not mad?"_

"_No… I can't be. I should be angry at Squall, but…I know how ambitious you are when you set your mind to something."_

"_Yeah, well…I guess I'm in Slytherin for a reason."_

"_I feel like I don't know you anymore. It's almost like I never did. I'm a terrible father…"_

"_You didn't have an example to go by. And you've been depressed all my life until this year. It's no big to me anymore. I'm over it."_

"_You're sure?"_

"_Yeah, I'm like whatever now. It's in the past."_

"_I had no idea that Josie _liked _you…or that she was even a murderer to begin with."_

"_Meh. I didn't feel anything for her. I've never felt anything for anyone. Just…Hermione."_

"_She knows about this?"_

"_Yeah. I sorta flirted with her a lot over summer. I dunno… I'm surprised she didn't tell you."_

"_She most likely didn't want to betray what little of your trust she had."_

"_I guess…"_

"_So you've…never dated…or anything?"_

"_Mmm, nope. Not my thing."_

"_I'm surprised…"_

"_Hah, you would be. The whole school's probably asked me out or tried to hook up with me by this point, but I'm just like whatever, you know? It's not that serious. I don't feel the need to have my head in between someone's legs all the time when I should be focusing on school."_

"_You're so very blunt."_

"_Well why not? Why beat around the bush with stuff? I've never liked a boy so I don't consider myself straight. But I hate labels, so screw it."_

"_You mean you just don't feel anything for people?"_

"_I don't think I can. Cho's daughter calls herself having a huge crush on me, but she's not the first girl either. I love how I just get _so _much more attention now that I wear skirts all the time. It's amusing to reject people."_

"_Now I _know _you're my daughter…"_

"_Like I said: I learned from the best! So I guess that does solidify everything for you. People think my sneers are sexy, apparently."_

"_I'm sure you'll find someone."_

"_Bah, Hermione told me that too. I just don't care. Putting up with myself is enough of a hassle as it is. Don't worry about me, just worry about yourself and Hermione. I assume she's still a little shaken up about things. You seem fine."_

"_I am. Hermione…she's coping. I was torn that night in between holding her and watching you in shock. I don't know, Chanel… I feel like we failed you."_

"_Mmm…don't be such a downer. You give me the impression that you're the type of person who can give yourself a thousand percent to the love of your life. People know you're attractive, so you're used to being loved because of that in some form. But when it comes to what we have, that's so much more difficult for you to grasp. You're not sure how to love someone on an almost friendly level."_

"_You're right… No one's ever really pointed that out to me before."_

"_It's nothing out of the ordinary. Your depression just put a barrier between us. I don't want you to worry about that anymore though. Besides, stuff happened, things spun out of control and there was nothing you or Hermione could do to stop it. It's just life."_

"_You amaze me, you know."_

"_Well good! I like amazing people. And I like amazing _people. _I remember when you first said that word to me, I thought it meant you wanted me to put you in a labyrinth or something. A maze me. So I guess I did."_

Now really…when she said that, I laughed for about two minutes straight. She just stared at me, obviously confused as to why I was laughing. But it's because Chanel has a very acute sense of sound and listening to every single syllable of what everyone says to her. She thinks of each syllable first, then pieces the words together. I only taught her how to do that when she was first learning English so that she'd grow out of it once she expanded her vocabulary. But I guess it's good that she never did. It helps her keep some of her innocence, I'd like to think…

Speaking of innocence… I remember how numb I was, watching her that night. I have no idea what was going on in Hermione's mind, or even Draco's. But I know the three of us all felt extremely…powerless. Sitting there on that subway while a woman was holding a gun to my daughter's face, and to see Chanel act like it was just candy or something was unnerving. _Very, _very unnerving. Josie could have pulled the trigger at any second by how pissed off she looked, and Chanel just kept egging her on anyway.

Sometimes, like right now, if I think hard enough, I can make my heart race again like it did that night. My eyes start to water, and my entire body will freeze up. I know I should have done something sooner to get Chanel out of danger, but I was scared that if Josie saw me with my wand out, or if I even stood to jerk her gun around and shoot _her _instead, that her finger would have been faster and she'd shoot my kid. It was pure hell… And here I thought I'd sheltered Chanel from things like that. But apparently not…

She went on to tell me stories of what she did for Hermione and me, almost every night for an entire year while we finished eating. It should have scared me…but you know what? I'm actually…proud of her. It's because we're somewhat distanced from each other that I don't feel so overprotective as to punish her or even get in Squall's ass about all of this. Hermione even knew about this for longer than I did; I was completely and utterly blindsided by all of this that night. But again, Hermione didn't want to lose Chanel's trust. That and she was much more distanced, so she didn't have the heart to make Chanel stop helping Squall.

Even earlier today at the Burrow, Chanel was smiling and socializing and even dancing around the house with Diana. Hermione swears Diana's charisma skipped a generation and I had to agree; I've never seen Chanel so genuinely happy. She was even wearing the Christmas present Draco gave to her the whole time…

While Chanel was…shooting Josie…her glasses fell off. Right when I disapparated with her, Draco noticed them on the ground and took them before he and Hermione disapparated too. When Squall saw her with them on, he actually fainted. _Squall, _mister macho mafia man fainted! Apparently, he knew Josie was dead but Chanel conveniently forgot to tell him that she killed her. Chanel went on to tell him that Josie was that girl who ruined his life back in Italy. And you know what…? The man actually had a good laugh about it.

Christmas today _was _a very interesting affair, on top of the news that Chanel is essentially a hero now. The whole family is supportive of her, though. No one seemed perturbed that she shot someone down and was boasting about it like she'd won all the money in the world, on top of wearing the woman's thick black-rimmed glasses like they were a war trophy. But I think she felt like she did by the way she kept dancing and singing with Diana to and fro everyone in the house, telling them the story and laughing every time Diana would crush her bones with a hug for being a knight for her parents. A knight… Mmm…

But I think the best part about today was finally joining in that silly tradition of ours of playing American football out in the garden. I only did it that one time all those years ago for obvious reasons… But it was nice to sack Hermione for no reason this year. _Four _times I got her. No, she didn't look to happy about it at the time. She knows I only meant well, though.

It was even funnier seeing Chanel force Hermione to dance around the house with her, too. It felt weird actually _enjoying _Christmas for the first time in years, but I wasn't complaining. Everyone was extremely happy to see us back together again, and that just made everything that much better.

Right when I heard the shower water cut off, I thought back to the last thing that happened before we left. Squall and I are talking a distance away from everyone, and he apologized to me for everything.

I was starting to remember something while we were talking, though…

"_Fleur, I know I shouldn't have let Chanel join…but you should have seen her when she asked me. She was near tears when I had told her no! And I mean…she learned everything so fast. I promise you she hasn't killed anyone else."_

"_Really…?"_

"_Yeah… Me and the others've killed too many… All started around the time of your birthday that year Chanel was born. I started the mafia to move on from Draco, to prove myself to the world and to toughen up, you know?"_

"_No, Squall… I don't know."_

"_I'm sorry, Fleur! I'm really, really sorry. I knew you'd kill me if Chanel died, but I always made sure she was protected. She was never left alone, I promise you."_

"_And I'm supposed to believe you."_

"_Well yeah… When have I ever lied to you—"_

I punched him for that. He DID lie to me way back in August about Chanel! Using the best friend for twenty years card and the 'I owe you' bullshit. Putting my kid in danger like that, too? Hmph. He actually fell to the floor and stayed there for a long while clutching his broken nose and face, and the only thing that snapped me out of my scowl was Chanel's laughter. Draco even laughed too. Hermione looked appalled, but I swear I saw Bill and Ginny give me a thumbs up.

And that was that. Chanel is at Diana and Kenneth's house now, tending to them for the night and staying the night in Hermione's old room. She insisted on doing it for some reason, and I stayed quiet and let her go.

Hermione finally came out of the bathroom with her black nightgown on. I finally stopped watching the snow and kept my eyes on her while she laid down on her side right next to me. This feeling I get in my chest from her being so close is one that I don't ever want to let go of. Not even the one I get from my eyelids drooping a bit from me shifting on my side to look in her eyes just an inch away from mine. She looked very content, running a finger over Noel's fur and watching him with lazy eyes.

"You look like you're in a good mood."

"I am, Fleur. I am…"

"You're not still bothered about…last week, are you?"

"I'll never see Chanel the same way ever again."

She removed Noel from my arms and set him on the nightstand behind her, of course having him face away from us to watch the snow before she moved back so that we could stare right into each others' eyes. I'm not sure if she looked troubled or not, but I was going to find out.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure… She looked and sounded so tough. I could hardly believe we were watching our daughter… I mean, the way she was talking, cussing so much, and almost flirting with Josie… God, even the way she was so calm scared me! That's definitely one night I won't ever forget…"

"Hermione, listen to me… She doesn't want us to worry about her. It scares me that she isn't guilty or traumatized by the sight or anything…because I sort of am. I mean…I've never been that scared. I was scared for you, Draco, and her…not myself. What _little _of Chanel's life I knew about flashed before my eyes the entire time and it took all of that for me to realize how everything's gone so wrong all these years… I fucked up as a father."

"Fleur…sweetie… Now _you_ listen to me… She did her venting, she's fine with everything now and she loves you. You did as best as you could for her. And regardless if you think it wasn't enough, it was still _something. _It's…hard. Being in a situation like that, with me being gone and having to…deal with that for so long. I'm getting my chance to start over, and so are you."

"You're right… I'm sorry."

"I'm glad you talk to me about these things, so it's alright. Besides, she's practically making us retire early. She was ecstatic when I offered the company to her."

"True… Besides, while we were running that night, I kept thinking that we're too old for all of that now…"

"I thought the same thing, too. But oh, yes I can see it now – us as old grannies running after each other, complete with oxygen tanks and canes—"

I don't know why, but I moved on my back and started laughing and laughing and laughing; imagining Hermione and me like that was just _too _hilarious! I know she was rolling her eyes and shaking her head at me while she crawled on top of me, but I didn't care. A part of me knew it was so funny because I could _so _see us doing that!

"Honestly, Fleur… I'm _serious."_

"Ohhh… I know. I'm calm now. Really. B-but… I think we…_should _settle down… I'm tired of working anyway."

"Good… But what are we supposed to do now?"

"Have more kids?"

"…it's too late for both of us, I think."

"It is. But you asked."

"A serious answer now, please?"

"So _serious, _Hermione."

"I bet you anything I know how to wipe that smirk off your face right now…"

"Really?"

"Mhm…"

"Go on, do it! I bet you can't; you're just all talk. See, you're even scowling right now because you _know _you can't! I _dare _you—"

_**FUCK! **_

Hermione _RIPPED _my damn smirk off my face just like the way she ripped through me with the STRAP-ON I didn't even know she had on!

The intrusion made me stretch far too much in to short a time and pain ensnared me so badly that I forgot where I was… My torso shot up from the bed and I shut my eyes while I let out a loud, guttural moan that bordered on a _scream... _The flip of my switch came immediately after that, and the shock from this alone almost made me climax…

I felt her hands on my shoulders to lead me back to the bed while she kept the entire length inside of me. The way she moved her hands behind my arched back and ran her nails down my skin almost made me forget the wildfire that was spreading through me from my damn near broken skin. I have not had a male appendage in me…in over twenty years…

I underestimate her too much sometimes…

The way she was looking at me was deadly; a glare, a parted mouth, and dark, lust-filled eyes eating mine whole. My face, my panting, my trembling body; all of it was giving away my surprise, my pain and yet my overall arousal was so strong and thick that it was pouring out into the very air around us. _Fuck, _she was so undeniably, unquestionably and _completely _sexy…

Well…she got me. She got me good. I'll give her that much…

"You were saying, Fleur…?"

"I-I wasn't…saying _anything! _Y-you-uhm… Your thing…is in m-my…my you-know-what…"

"No. I'm afraid I _don't _know."

"Hermione…c-come on! I'm… I'm vulnerable here! …just…ehh…"

"You want this…?"

"What do _you_ th—Wait! H-hey hey hey! Don't pull it out! No, no, no! Oh you tease!"

Her soft laughter made me shut my eyes from the attack of tension I felt build inside of me, making me writhe and arch a bit, but just enough for her to see that I was completely under her control. There was something…liberating about this. Being the one underneath her, letting her channel my pleasure, monitoring it, dangling it right in between my legs…

I could tell from the subtle glint in her eyes that she was enjoying this, too… There should have been a signal going off in my mind, telling me that being the submissive one was uncomfortable. But it wasn't… I like that Hermione's in control right now. I trust her. From the way her eyes keep roaming my body, she must like seeing the product of her hard work; I noticed them linger on my hair spread out underneath me, my shuddering chest, and my lips that were damn near quivering to have her make a million whimpers of her name leave them tonight…

Some of the tension slipped right through me, enough for her to slip back in with much more ease this time… I groaned and my entire body trembled from the sensation and she cracked a sinister smile… She felt my walls stretch and tense around her, and I heard her moan delightedly from that alone… My body kept tensing and relaxing again from being under her like _this… _I was still heaving for breaths from the surprise. Hell, I still couldn't believe that Hermione actually surprised me sexually like _this!_

And Hermione knows how to make an English accent sexy better than anyone else _ever_ could, let me tell you…

"It's back in now…"

"It…is…yes…"

"Now I'm going to ask you once more – do you want this…?"

"Yes…"

"You will do as I say tonight."

"Of course…"

"Trust. Me. Love. Me. I want you to whine…moan…scream…whimper my name."

"Anything…just… _please… _Hermione, _please… _stop…stop teasing me..."

"Now you know how it feels, at least…"

"Yes alright...okay… I'm _begging _you."

"Mmm…I love it when you make your voice breathy like that…"

"_Hermione…"_

"Let me feel your thrall, please…_ All_ of it. I want to try something…"

I nodded and parted my mouth to merely breathe to relax and her hands moved to hold my hips in such a tantalizing way… I don't know what it was about her skin, but it suddenly felt so zealous to the touch alone. Every single one of my heart beats pulsating inside of me helped me shift my allure inside of her; I wanted her to feel what she was doing to me, not just what I could naturally do to her. She was somewhat immune to me, but I could already see her eyes getting a little darker and her face flushing wonderfully.

The air in the room felt a lot warmer. She was throbbing inside of me. Sweat was threatening to start beading all over my body when she moved her face to mine; I closed my eyes, waiting. Waiting. Waiting, waiting, waiting but getting so flustered and hot and bothered and I _know _she could feel it! My walls kept clamping around her when she finally started to move out, then back in; slowly, agonizingly, leisurely, but in such a way that made me swallow my own scream because I just…needed to have it…

Hermione's lips kept poking and prodding at my own, only kissing _around _my mouth. Whimpers left my wanton mouth without my realizing while I laid there underneath her, eating her whole in between my legs while she kept on with inching in and out of me little by little… Titillations kept goading my insides, continuously sparking, dousing, starting and cracking that wildfire inside of me over and over; a pulse of the warm blood in Hermione's hand over my hips and I felt it. Every jerk of her length made me feel it too much. But once she finally kissed me…there was a literal apocalypse of anything calm and lulled inside of my body…

Her lips were surprisingly…gentle. At first… Just a few pecks for me to revel in the smell of her rose-scented tresses tickling my jaw, the smooth velour of her lips, her feather-tipped nose brushing back and forth along my cheek… Tornadoes of electricity for her kept swimming inside of me while I tried to keep my thrall going for her; I almost felt static electricity from any part of our bodies that weren't in complete contact with each other.

She knows how to keep me on my toes…because she still wouldn't let her tongue go in my mouth no matter how wide I kept my mouth open with my eyes clamped shut, _begging _for more. I kept thinking about how it will be, wondering how it will feel, _wanting _it more and more and more and more but Hermione was being a monumental TEASE even with my whines of protest and me gripping the very roots of her hair in impatience. But her laughter made me ease my fingers; her hands glossing up my curves and stopping to cup my breasts in her warm, tender hands made me moan all of that annoyance away… Her movements over my mounds were so soft, so meticulous, so _perfect _and so, so _Hermione…_

Moisture kept building and seeping in between my legs, all over her length, and she only kept on so _torturously _slow… I could almost _hear _the sloshing sound from me leaking so much. Every breath I let out on her nose was powerless, every single one of my movements only reminded me that I had no control, and the lust I felt jetting inside every inch of me only made my fantasies and wonderings spin more and more. I writhed and groaned impatiently, not wanting to just _fantasize _anymore, but she just kept kissing my lips, making a merry-go-round path while she spoke so, so softly to me…

"How does it feel, Fleur…?"

"Très bon… Very, _very…_good… But so…_agonizing… _kiss me. _Hard._"

"Kiss you…?"

"Kiss me…please me… _Fuck me!"_

"I'm sorry, I don't speak pleasure."

"_Now!"_

Her damned sexy laughter enveloped my mouth before she finally opened her up all the way and finally let me taste her tongue and teeth and decadent lips… God, the way her tongue was almost ravenous against mine from my thrall or her lust or her I don't know what nearly made my head swim. But I started to lose focus on her velvety tongue and warm, moist, tender mouth and lips when she finally started to move faster inside of me… From the way I've been aching so long for her, it was like she had become a part of me there now and this sweet torture was a part of my life every second of every night…

Hermione kept kissing my moans full on, and I swear I almost felt them vibrate against my hands while I ran them down her neck and shoulders and arms. Slowly she went at first, steadily picking up her pace and nearly throwing me off the edge from all of the foreplay that's happened so far, on top of this… Fuck…

Lava probably replaced my blood for all I knew while I tried to keep my thrall going; the more I did, the faster she went, the harder she kissed me, and the more and more I kept crying out for her. Whimpering her name seemed to make her find my spot so much faster, and she kept thrusting and thrusting just right… Just right to make me scream for her because of how much passion she was putting behind her thrusting. Even the way she moved to grope my arms and breasts and waist roughly excited me for reasons I couldn't pinpoint because I was too busy gyrating my hips in time with hers. Loving her with my body and pleasing her was so second nature to me… I loved enticing her with my cries while her mouth moved to suck that _same _spot on my neck and she kept jetting through me now, rhythmically still. Hermione was loving me with a very…_tender _sort of roughness that I appreciated so much that it turned me on even more. The pressure kept building, we were throbbing faster and faster, and my body was dangling over the edge, still hanging on by her length, her love, her _lust _inside of me…

My sex kept grasping her hungrily, begging for more; my voice kept scratching my throat, crying and screaming and whimpering for her, making her keep her inhuman speed. My thrall helped her stay so energetic, so _frantic _in her movements and explorations…

And finally…all the tension that was jabbing in between my legs right when I realized how soaked she and I were from the sweat. I kept building and building more, even when I felt a powerful moan rip from my throat when I felt the thick spurt from her liquid heat swathe my walls. She trembled and let out a throaty whine that enticed me so much that my body shuddered. I locked my legs around her waist, and Hermione didn't stop; I still didn't get there, but I was so dangerously close and she knew it.

She moved her arms behind my back and took advantage of my legs around her waist while she shifted us from the bed. I moved to kiss her neck and she groaned while she carried me to the _window _and shoved my back against the cool surface. A torrent of freezing cold stabbed me and only made me moan from the sharp contrast of how she felt inside of me and how the wide window felt on my back. There was a blizzard, so no one could exactly _see _Hermione fucking me against this glass. She's adventurous with me, and I love it… I love it so…

My palm moved to the window to help me keep my center of gravity. Hermione moved her hands to my hips, and my back was fully exposed to the window. But for all I knew, my sweat and heat and pure _need _right now was melting straight through it. It wasn't long until the cold was a part of me, just like Hermione was is…

I tried to keep my hips bucking against her as desperately as I could while she kept thrusting inside of me. I rode her as best as I could while I threw my head back as much as I could while I kept whimpering her name, hissing dirty commands, and even getting off from my breasts bouncing up and down while I kept panting and moaning and whimpering for her… She just kept going and going and even came again right when she thrust an overwhelming wave of pleasure into me.

My walls kept pulsing more and more and more, and I felt her throbbing more and more and more. My sex was devouring hers, and I know she loved it by the way she kept crying out and nearly spinning out of control from the pleasure… After all the teasing and fantasizing and wanting, it felt almost _too _good to be freed of the frustration and feel pure bliss overtake me… It all finally made my head and body swim in that vortex of orgasm while I came violently and my thighs, legs, waist and my entire body trembled from the release…

I was expecting Hermione to stop completely while she paused for a moment and watched my head lazily fall to the side. My eyes were closed while I let my orgasm float through me, barely aware that we were both breathing so heavily and gazing into each others' eyes so hungrily still. I groaned while I draped my arms over her, biting my lower lip while I smiled; she still looked so depraved… And with my thrall still floating through her like another orgasm, and me still here, so helpless for my _strong _Hermione, she looks so resentful. It was…_amusing. _Flirting with her and egging her on, _begging _for more with my eyes was something I haven't done in years. Feeling my sheet of hair tickle my breasts that her eyes kept flickering down to made me laugh huskily for her while we were still breathing heavily. And it all felt so simple with her. Almost routine in a sexy way…

"I do love being your bitch like this, Hermione… Now you can even say you've fucked me against a frozen window."

"We're not done yet…"

"Oh I know… We only have, what, the rest of our lives…?"

"Mmm…yes. Yes, we do… Now suck."

She bent down to have me sit on the windowsill while she finally took of her silly nightgown. I looked up at her playfully, when she finally threw it to the side. I crossed my legs and smiled at the moisture while I had my hands on the windowsill, arms erect and shoulder raised coquettishly. She licked her lips and flashed her dark eyes at me. I raised my eyebrows up and down and shook my hair over my shoulder.

But I damn near drew blood from my lip while I shut my eyes and she slowly removed herself from me; my walls just didn't seem to want to let her go, apparently… But my heart was racing excitedly and I never broke eye contact with her while stood up straight. She looked so…_desperate _for me… _God_ I love her…

I opened my mouth and kept looking up at her while I let her length wrap itself around the moist heat in my mouth. _Mmm…_she tasted _so _good, and she looked so satisfied; her eyes rolled to the back of her head and stayed there for a very long time. Her delicate hands sidled through my roots and I moved my hands right to her ass to guide her in and out of my mouth. So warm, so needy, so _erect… _

It tasted a lot like…_vanilla._

My eyes were probably dark with lust for all I knew while I kept my thrall floating through the night air. Having her in my mouth like this and seeing her knees so weak was _such _bliss and entertainment for me… Over and over my mouth went, every time getting closer and closer to be able to kiss her navel. The deeper I had her in my mouth, the more she moaned. I _love _pleasing her so. She's so at ease, so uninhibited, so _wonderful..._

I kept my teeth from scraping her while I kept on, faster and faster, feeling her throb so nicely against my tongue and lips. It was so amusing to wonder and wonder what she was thinking, how she was feeling, and it felt very good that _I _was the one doing this for her. It was addicting seeing her tension build and build, and I kept sucking in earnest, anticipating her release more and more as time went on.

Her knees finally gave way and I felt the soothing spurt coat my mouth, and my ears warmed up to her loud whimpering of my name over and over while I edged her down to the floor. She sparked an evil fire inside of me; seeing _Hermione _like this never gets old. But seeing her like this, trembling a little on the floor after a blow job is just that much more satisfying…

"Ride me, Fleur…"

"Yes, Hermione…"

I kept my smile painted childishly over my face while I crawled on top of her. A moan escaped me while I wasted no time in inserting her in me while I straddled her. She was spent, but still so hard… I don't see how she does it. But I still bent down to kiss her anyway, to share what she gave to me. The moisture was incredible in between her lips that kept crying out for mine with every kiss she gave me. I let my tongue spread her come inside of her mouth and she moaned, finally moving her hips up as much as she could. Mine moved up and down a little more, stopped right on her and moved from side to side against her to elicit a groan, then I'd go right back to it.

It was mesmerizing when I did pull away to sit up straight on top of her, still watching her eyes roll back in her head while I bounced on her, feeling her please me and tease me over and over while both of our bodies became coated with sweat. My breasts kept bouncing right with me, slapping my skin in between my steadily increasing whines, moans, whimpers… Her hand on my hips, pulling me up and pushing me down on her lap and keeping me satisfied was…just _so _indescribable.

We kept switching positions all night, coming so fiercely, _passionately _with each other for release over and over… I never wanted it to end. Never, never, never… Every time, Hermione showed me that she could lose control of herself completely and have control over me in such a sexy way that she kept me going for hours in between breaks to just kiss and fondle and speak softly to each other.

That was the night I became a sex-a-holic once more.

And it was also the night I finally learned how Diana passed on her charisma to her daughter.


	97. Little White Suit

_**Your Epilogue.**_

December 2107 A.D.; Florence, Italy.

_Little White Suit_

Something we never noticed before, something we were blinded to all those years before we were together - this something kept flashing before us. We wondered vaguely why we never saw each other for who we were, before. We wondered why fate, or just pure dumb luck, decided for us to fall for each other under such dire circumstances - lust or death.

Why go through hell only to have a taste of heaven, then promptly lose it all and go to either in a more literal sense? Or maybe we don't go anywhere when we're dead. Or maybe we really do become reborn as someone or something else.

What we wished for that night of our first Christmas together after so long, and every night, and every time we saw the other smile was simply a chance to start over. We want to go back in time, save us any of this headache with this disease, and find each other...naturally. We want to go back to that fateful day when we first met, and gain each others' friendship like we'd subconsciously wished we could all those years ago. We'll befriend each other, warn each other that being with Ron and Bill would only result in all too many untoward circumstances. We'll work my coquettish charm, let us fall in love with each other the right way...to save us from all of this pain we've endured.

We're tired...

And now we stand here in this park, under this rain, at night, wearing our white suits. Maybe we could blend in with everything if these vines were green. No one would notice us, but they soon will. They don't seem to notice us anymore anyway. We assured each other that our wish will come true soon, a century after we first graced our ears with the sincerity from our hearts, from who we truly were.

"I told you it's pointless, Hermione..."

"I told you to trust me."

"I'm dying, I hope you know that..."

"And so am I. You're not making it any more enjoyable, you know."

"But-"

"Shh...quiet now."

Hermione...beauty; we never pondered why we didn't realize the two rhyme. Holding hands, staring at each other, makes all of our imperfections vanish into the dark around us. Or maybe it's just the rain showing us a mirage; a mere vestige of what we remember from so long ago. Anyone else would think us silly for standing out in the rain in wedding attire. Nothing else mattered, though. Nothing at all. The rest of the world was a mere blur of a phantom, and it felt so ephemerally so.

We believe in this.

"Now close your eyes."

We felt our chests heave painfully while we sighed one last time. Our tired hands caressed the creases of the others' and we felt so at ease, despite the weariness. We felt ghostly in each others' hands, our bodies felt willowy pressed against each other's for stability, and our lips...well; _those _never changed. We always made a point to take good care of our lips. Our hands were worn from years of page-turning, trying to learn how to do this.

We can never rest knowing we're not together. But now...we don't want to rest... Now, we want to keep listening to the rain and our quiet sounds of approval; now we _want _to keep kissing perfectly tended lips. But the world is adamant about always taking away those that are dear to you. And yet the world is oblivious to the will of a certain Hermione and Fleur Delacour.

Everything pales in comparison to the will-power of my wife...my husband...and our desire to do this.

_This _being having the vines of our suits, consume us. Please don't ask us how we figured this out. Don't ask us why we didn't panic when we felt our ankles become locked together and plant us firmly in the ground. Effervescent and chocolate vines melded together, slowly, circling us and intertwining on their way up our bodies. But our kiss grew so passionate that any fear was washed from our minds. We were using such advanced magic to do this to us, to have us make our mark on the very place where we began to change unto each other...it was beyond romantic.

Finality overtook us when we felt us rise off the ground thanks to the vines. A good meter above the grass, and it stopped, we stopped, but we didn't stop kissing. The pains and aches of age began to leave us while we let everything but each other go. Our friends were gone, we outlived our daughter, and now we were on the verge of _that time. _Vines kept circling us, comfortably. Stone our bones and muscles and skin and clothes became, from the bottom up.

Neither of us dared to cry. We told each other of our wishes to go back and start over. We've told each other everything imaginable...but not how much we mean to each other. Trying to _say _it is useless; it's impossible. But agreeing to this was all I could do. We kept kissing, almost desperately, while we told ourselves that we'd have been fools to pass up this chance and risk losing each other before we could get this far. No regrets. No regrets...

And it wasn't until our entire bodies had turned to stone, freezing us in this moment that we realized what we kept murmuring to each other with so much love that my wishes must have come true.

_I love you. Truly..._

_Until death do us part._

Even in death, we still hear the other whisper this to while we wait for our chance at redemption. With a wink to blink back the tears to go with it.

And that, as they say, is that.


End file.
